Rescue
by Zac is my.Life
Summary: Gabi Montez wanted to know why her child was so sick. When she took him to the ER, a doctor finally noticed her plea for help and sent her in the right direction, only for the child to become a patient of his own. Bolton finds out that Gabi has nobody. All she had was her job, her son, and herself. Bolton takes a special interest in the case&a special interest in a strong woman.
1. Scary Moments

Chapter 1 – Scary Moments

' _It takes someone really brave to be a mother, someone strong to raise a child, and someone special to love someone more than herself.'_

Gabi's POV

Scary things happen often. A car accident happens and somebody loses their leg and dies. A plane disappears out of know where and nobody knows where to find it. You get fired from your dream job. Your mom is hurt and you have to wonder how much longer she might last. Your pet gets sick. Your son falls and takes a minute too long to get back up. The school calls in the middle of the day and you wonder why. There are these scary moments that people face everyday. They get up thinking that day is going to be the most normal day they ever thought would happen. You wake up and do your normal routine like you would everyday. In the morning everything feels the same.

You shower, you change, you do your hair, and you finish your make-up. You think nothing is going to happen, you never think something bad is going to strike down on you. You think it is all going to work just like it did the day before. The mornings are sometimes people's least favorite part of the day but they are the most _normal_ part of your day. You have a routine and you do it…everyday. Yet the un-normal things begin to hit…one by one. The day unfolds and new things happen everyday. Causing them to become _un-normal._

When scary moments pop up, you take a minute, you breath, and then everything falls in an instant clap. This slow motion domino begins to fall, you watch while you scratch and try to get the best help. You try to make sense of it. You try and you try and you fail. You want to scream, you want to cry. You want to protect everybody in the path of the storm and as a mother you want to protect your child from any harm. This rapid panic sets in and you clutch to everything you have, the storm may last for one minute to days and hours. The day that you thought was so normal is suddenly…real.

Yet you can't prevent scary things. They come when you don't want them, they come when you least expect them. They come when your heart hurts the most. They come and they tear you down until you are so vulnerable everything you have is showing to the world in front of you.

* * *

Collin laid his head in my lap as I stroked his brown hair; he was still running the fever he had been running for weeks. He was still in pain when you touched him or asked him to walk or move. He wasn't my baby boy who I had loved for the past 3 years. He cried when he shifted and I felt my heart hurt as I looked at him. They always say a mother feels the pain her child feels and sometimes they feel it twice as bad. I have watched Collin suffer for weeks on end now and I was hurting for him. I just wanted my baby boy to be better and nobody was helping us. We were waiting in yet another doctor's office. It was the 5th one I had been in since he started acting sick.

I finally had taken him to the ER hoping to get somewhere with him here. Everybody kept turning me away telling me that I was crazy, it was teething, he was going to be fine just let the small fever sweat it out. I wasn't crazy. I knew Collin because he was my own child. He was my blood and my DNA; he was the baby I have known since the day he was born. I know my child and I know I am not crazy. He was an active, sweet, three year old little boy who loved to run and play with everything he could get his hands on.

In the past six weeks he had stopped running, he had stopped walking, he hated to move, he started to cry with little movements. He had a low-grade fever, he was constantly tired, he just wasn't himself and nobody would believe a single mother. Nobody believed a single mother who had no idea who the father was. "Ms. Montez," I looked up as the old doctor moved in, he moved so slow I thought a turtle could pass him. "We think it could be just a virus," a bubble stirred inside of me as I gently moved Collin off of my lap and I laid him down onto the bed. I then asked the doctor to step out into the hallway. My blood boiled underneath of the surface. Damn virus my ass.

"A virus?" I asked him, strain rolled over my shoulders, "Probably," _Probably?_ The word raced through my mind, probably, a word you used if you didn't know. The word you used if you weren't sure of the answer you just gave somebody. I narrowed my eyes to the man.

"Probably?" I asked, my voice rising, "You probably think my son has a virus? Do virus last for six weeks? Do they just randomly make your kids legs stop working; take all of his energy away from him? Do they randomly just suck the life out of his mother for six weeks? Do they make him complain of pain? Disturb his sleep? Do viruses actually do that or is it just because you don't want to try and look," Breathe Gabi, breathe. In and out, in and out.

"We can't find anything," he shrugged his shoulders, I was so done, "You haven't looked!" I demanded, "You have only done a physical exam, please run a CT, run an x-ray, I don't care, I need to know why my child isn't himself anymore! You have done nothing to help me, you have looked at him and you kind of shrug your shoulders at him because you don't even look at him! You are just trying to move me through the ER because apparently I am crazy! I am not crazy! I love my child and I know he just wants to feel better," I had started to cry at some point and my voice had risen, "So please, if you will, just help me find my little boy who is lost because the one in that room is not the same son I gave birth too. Something is wrong with him and nobody will help me." I covered my eyes with my hands as tears leaked out, I was exhausted, and I just wanted to curl up next to Collin and sleep.

"Ma'am," I uncovered my eyes as I looked up.

"Is something wrong here?" I looked up as a young guy who was tall as he looked down at me; his eyes were such a piercing blue that I felt like I had fallen into the Caribbean ocean. "Uhm," I fumbled over my words as I took a calm breath trying to regain any composer I might have, "My son, has been sick for several weeks, he has had a low grade fever and my sweet little three year old had the utter most energy and now he can barely keep his eyes open, he can barely walk, and he doesn't eat that much anymore, something is wrong with my child and I need help. I need help, that is all I have been asking for and _nobody_ will help me." I began to cry, again, as the man nodded his head, those blue eyes so understanding. "Webber, I have this," he said taking the file out of his hands.

His hands were strong as you saw every single vein in them; I even saw them through the blur of my tears. I tried to gain my entire composer but it was slipping as I was so tired and I could barely focus. Dr. whatever his name was walked away as the man looked through Collin's chart.

He peered through it as he gave me a warm smile, "I'll be right back, I am going to go get a pediatric doctor to take a look at him and he isn't leaving until we have an answer for you okay? I am going to make sure you get the help we are supposed to provide for you. Okay?"

I nodded my head, "Thank you," I said, "Thank me later," he turned and walked off as I wiped my eyes and walked back into the ER room. Collin was sitting up as he was rubbing his eyes. "Collin," I whispered, he looked up as he tried to muster a smile but he was tired of being poked and prodded, I was tired of watching him be poked and prodded. I sat down and pulled him into my lap.

"I'm going to fix you little guy, I'm not going to let you go, I promise," I whispered into his ear, "I promise mommy is going to make everything better," I rubbed his leg as he cuddled into me. His little hands folding into my shirt as he held me tighter.

* * *

Troy's POV

I looked through the file that I had just taken from Old Geezer Webber who was freaking a mom out. Something was most likely wrong with her child but it seemed nobody was looking. He had symptoms of several things so why was everybody ignoring her? I had learned in the many years of being in the medical field is to never doubt a mother. If they come to tell you something is wrong…something is most likely wrong. They have this sixth sense to them about their children. I only wished as a doctor I would be able to have the same thing but I guess a mother will do. They were normally crawling through the hospital anyways.

Decreased appetite, decreased mobility, sleeping, easily agitated, I read over the words again as I tried to figure out what one thing this could be but I wasn't sure yet. I wasn't sure of anything right now anyways. I was supposed to be sleeping somewhere but the screaming, crying mother in the hallway of the hospital distracted me. Something wasn't right with this case and nobody had even run an x-ray on this poor guy. I shook my head as I stood in Casey's doorway, "Casey," she looked up, her blonde ponytail flipping backwards. "Yea?"

"I have a case for you,"

"Oh do you? Is it a good juicy one that I can just giggle and jump all over?" she asked with a big smile, I laughed as I shook my head. "I mean…I could go and find you someone to eat you vampire," I teased, she laughed, "What do you have Bolton?"

I nodded, "I went down to the ER to grab a resident and I heard a mother freak out on Webber. Her three year old son has in the past six weeks run a low grade fever, lost mobility, lost his appetite, sleeps a lot, easily agitated, doesn't do a lot from what mom describes as a very active, loving, healthy three year old," Casey frowned, "And Webber was…?"

"Sending her home saying it was a virus," she scrunched her nose and rubbed the bridge, "CT, x-ray?"

"No and no," I frowned as I told her these words, I can't believe they didn't even run a CT or an X-ray. It was unbelievable. They won't kill the kid. It is one stinking x-ray and the doctor organization doesn't see it fit here.

"Why does he still work here?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know but the mother has been to five different doctors looking for help and she really wants to fix her son. It's been six weeks for them, which is a long time for a little guy. She is pretty upset over the whole ordeal or pretty damn tired. She seems to need somebody to just listen to her and help her."

"Got it," she muttered, "I'll head that way right now, you doing anything fun tonight?"

"I have one kids scans being ran and read and then my other kid is starting his chemo regimen," I said with a shrug, "Pretty simple evening,"

"Have fun," she said as she flipped through the file, "Oh, I will,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

I tapped out a text on my iPhone to Susan, my receptionist, at Brooks & Damon, the top lawyer company in Denver, Colorado. I sighed as I looked at Collin who was sleeping again, a blanket up around his waist as I brushed his hair out of his eyes. He shifted and moved his hands as I held on to him. His face was so peaceful as he slept unless he tried to twist and move. His eyes were a deep brown that had sparkles of another color that I couldn't tell. His thin lips were straight and his tan complexion brighter against the blue shirt he was wearing. A soft knock came at the door and the door opened quietly as an older woman, maybe early 40's, with blonde hair looked at me with a smile.

"Are you Ms. Montez?" she asked, I nodded my head as I looked back at Collin, "Yes, you can call me Gabi though."

"I can assume this is little Collin?" I nodded as I felt a smile pull of my lips, "Yea," He will always be my little guy. I loved him too much for him to be anything else.

"Well, I am Dr. Casey Jones, all of my patients parents call me Casey, and I am a peds doctor on the floor tonight. So I want to hear all of your concerns. Please, don't hold anything back; I want to know everything about this little guy. I want you to tell me so many details I have to take five pages of notes," She said with a smile, a reassurance flooded through me as I began to cry right in front of her. A mental note ran through my head to find the doctor who got her for me to say thank you. She laughed as she patted my back. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear somebody say that,"

"I bet," she said with a smile, "I heard it has been a little rough in the past several weeks,"

"The past six weeks have been very rough,"

"Well let's start way in the beginning with your pregnancy, how was it?" I sighed as I played with my jeans, my fingers traced a small pattern as it was hard to open up about such details to new people but I knew it was for Collins best. "The pregnancy was easy, I had very little morning sickness and it was easy. I carried him until he was 41 weeks and he was a very healthy baby."

"No complications?" she asked as she wrote something down, her pen was purple as it slanted as she wrote. My mind flickered back to Collin as I looked at him and then back to the doctor.

"Not one. No high blood pressure, nothing, it was easy. I told my OB if all of my pregnancies were like that then I could be pregnant forever," she laughed with a smile, "Do you have other kids?"

"Oh no, he is my only one but he is my life."

"So he was a healthy baby?"

"Yes, he never got sick, he was very easy baby, I mean he was sleeping through the night, it was just so easy. I loved it, we would cuddle and we were together all of the time. He had RSV when he was about nine months old but it wasn't severe, when he was two he had the flu and each time it took maybe a week for it to go away or at least he bounced back from it. This, this has been six weeks and every single day he gets worse. It just started with decreased energy, which I thought was due to the low-grade fever. After that he stopped running around so much and was moving slower, when that went away he was basically crawling again, he then stopped moving. He hates being picked up or being moved a lot." I paused as I looked at Collin, "He rarely eats enough food for it to be called a meal. He eats a couple of bites and then gets so fussy I think he is going to burst a blood vessel."

My hand drifted to his blanket as I adjusted it, he opened his eyes as I smiled, and my fingers found his.

She nodded her head as she was taking notes, "All of the doctors have told me it's a virus, that it will go away on it's own and I keep trying to tell them that no, it's not going away, this is something else, he isn't my same little boy. He isn't the same little boy who I have loved for the past three years. I know when it's just a cough, I know when it's a little bit more like the flu and RSV, I know that feeling and I don't have that feeling. I have this feeling of I have no idea how to get him help because he is in pain. If you touch or move him the wrong way he cries and is sometimes inconsolable. He has ran low grade fevers, he barely walks anymore, he doesn't eat the same, I just want… I want my little boy back."

"Very understandable, does he go to his yearly doctors appointments?" I nodded my head, "Yes, we see them right around his birthday which his birthday was a little over seven weeks ago."

"So he just turned three?" I nodded my head, "Yes,"

"Alright, well, do you mind if I do an exam?" I nodded my head, "Please," she smiled as I glanced at my watch; it was already late in the evening. I bet she needed to get home to her family, she was married and I knew she had to have kids if she works in pediatrics. Collin woke up as he cried at another person touching him. He began to cry as she moved his legs; his cries grew louder, as my heart wrenched at the little cries that came out of his mouth. He began to call my name as my fingers shook, "its okay Collin," Dr. Casey soothed.

"It's okay baby," I whispered as I pressed my lips into his hair, "It's okay Collin," he cried as he tried to reach for me, his fingers wrapping around my hand as I was going to cry if he kept crying like this. He was my only weakness in life.

I stroked his hair as he squirmed to get away, she pressed on his belly and she frowned a little bit. I felt my heart race as she kept doing little things; she listened to his heart and looked at his eyes while he cried. She moved backwards, "Hey, it's okay big guy, do you want a sticker? How about a popsicle?" he looked up at her and his cries didn't settle.

I picked him up as she talked to him again, "Collin, I have stickers of puppies and kitties," he peeked up at her and I rubbed his back, "Puppies," he said quietly, she smiled, "Do you like puppies?" he nodded his head as she got out a couple of stickers. "Here you go, I'll get you a popsicle too," he nodded his head as I looked at her, "I want to have a CT scan run and do a blood count on him, we will go from there after that okay?" I nodded my head, "Somebody will be back shortly to get you for the CT alright?"

"Thank you so much," I whispered to her, "I can't even begin, I need to find the young doctor who came and got you because I would have been sent home again and I just know he needs help."

"Thank you for being patient, I don't ever want to understand what you are going through." She paused, "Do you have a husband?" she asked, I shook my head, "No, I'm not married nor am I dating, it is just Collin and I." she gave a soft smile, "Alright, well, I will send a nurse in with a popsicle and we will be on our way." I thanked her again as I relaxed with Collin.

I held him tightly as we rocked gently in the little bed. We were still in the ER as I rubbed his stomach but he winched, I sighed as I kissed the top of his head when the door opened to reveal a nurse with a big smile. "Collin?" he looked up but turned into my chest, "It's alright buddy," I whispered into his ear about how if he was good he could get a new toy car, how he could pick it out and everything.

"I am here to have him change into a gown and to give him a special Popsicle requested by Dr. Casey," I smiled as I stripped him of his clothes and put on the gown as they gave him a Popsicle. "Thank you," I said with a smile, they nodded as I rubbed his foot gently as they came and took blood from him, which caused him to cry forgetting about the Popsicle. I tried to sooth him as I wrapped him up in my arms as he continued to cry.

I felt exhaustion rush over my body, as I just wanted him to feel better, that's all I wanted. Dr. Casey walked back into the room as I smiled softly, "Someone isn't happy," I shook my head, "No, he didn't like giving up his blood," I admitted to her, "He just isn't used to all of this…doctors and needles."

"Nobody should be," she said with a small smile. I nodded as I rubbed Collin's back to try to get him to clam down.

"We are going to sedate him for a CT," she said with a sad smile, "And we are going to admit you guys for overnight observation as well. We will run more tests and do other things as well. We are going to get to the bottom of this Gabi, you deserve that as a mother." I felt an overwhelmed feeling of gratitude come over me as I felt a big smile come over my lips.

"Thank you so much, I will never be able to repay you,"

"You will when I know what is wrong with him okay?" I nodded as she smiled, "I'll see you guys in a bit, we will move you guys up to the normal Peds floor where I will be since this is a children's hospital," I thanked her again as she left. A nurse came in to give him an IV as I held his hand as he screamed bloody murder.

"It's okay Collin, I know it hurts buddy, I know, I'm sorry," I whispered into his ear, he cried as they put him onto a bed as I held his hand, they let me come back while they sedated him, I had to sign papers as I held him while he was sedated. I whispered into his ear how much I love him and how I would find him a new truck to play with when it was all over.

Once he was out, I laid him down and kissed his forehead. They wheeled him down a hallway as I felt my chest cave. I wasn't ready for this; I wasn't prepared for this scary moment.

* * *

 _Six Weeks Ago_

I laughed at my desk as I sent out a fax and then I stretched out. I looked at the picture of Collin on my desk as I smiled at the beautiful face; he was all smiles and looked almost nothing like his dad…who ever that was. I didn't know who Collin's dad was and that was okay, three years ago at the end of law school I went on a wild spree of men.

There were several candidates and I thought I would know who it was when he was born but…he was spitting image of me. His bold brown eyes and his Latino skin looked back at me when he was born. I actually had a thought of who the dad was and I had a really good guess but I was happy. I didn't need a guy to help me out anymore than a guy wanted to probably help me out. I knew it was completely unfair to whomever the dad was to never tell them but what was the need to tell them? I didn't know who they were and bonding with a complete stranger over a baby, fighting for custody? No thanks. I am just going to keep this to myself.

It was tough in the beginning of the go around with him but I was an associate who was pregnant. I had my job before I found out and I kicked ass all the way up until my 41st week of pregnancy in the courtroom making a name for myself. I took two months off of work and found an awesome daycare for Collin before I returned back to work.

I cut my hours to eight to four and I was always home. I took less cases but I still worked on the top of my game. I had worked my way up in the rankings and was happy with where I was. I loved my co-workers and I had fun every now and then but I had no true best friend. Collin was my best friend.

I pushed away from my desk as I went out and I picked up my copies I had made as I went to Susan. "Can you please mail these to Mrs. Kennedy," she looked at them, "Yup,"

"Thank you,"

Going into my office I adjusted a few things as I grabbed my bags. Collin had just turned three last week, June 21st, 2011. The day that he had captured my heart and I would never want anybody else to have it, he contained it all, I hadn't been with a guy since the spree after I graduated law school and finished my internship. A man burst into my office as I looked at him, "May I help you?"

Susan came up behind him as she said something, "My wife is going to take my children out of the country," I frowned, "She doesn't want me to have them and I don't understand I just, I need somebody to help me stop this act,"

"Does she have sole custody?"

"We are married,"

I turned my head, "We just decided to separate last week and since that day she says I have no right with my children,"

I put my bag down as I looked at Susan, "Please call Collins daycare and tell them I will be a little late,"

"I can go pick him up,"

"Perfect, thank you,"

* * *

 _Now – August 2_ _nd_ _, 2014_

I sat nervously in the room as I waited for Collin to be delivered back to me. It had been an hour since he was taken from me and I felt nervous and upset. I just wanted him back in my grasp. I wanted to see his dirty hair that most likely had applesauce in it from last night's battle to eat. He had screamed for hours at the table and splashed his food around everywhere until I gave in crying with him. We both lay down and cuddled until his screams turned into soft snores.

"Right here," Dr. Casey's voice entered as I looked up, she wheeled Collin's bed into the room as I stood up. They put him into place as they hung his IV bags; he was still asleep or had fallen back asleep. "He has woken up but our little guy here fell asleep again," Dr. Casey said, I smiled, "That isn't normal," I said quietly, "I bet it isn't. We are waiting for the CT scans to come back and we will look over them and talk with you all about them," She adjusted some things on the monitors. They put a pressure cup around his arm and hooked it up, a pulse monitor on his finger, another wire to somewhere else. He was going to hate this.

"And then?"

"We will talk from there," she said with a smile, "Will it be all night?" I questioned, "Well, it's going to take a while since it is after eight in the evening but I promise you that I will try and get back to you as soon as possible okay? I understand the feeling of being put into the dark so I will try to tell you something as soon as I can."

I nodded my head as I stroked his hair softly with my fingers. I thanked them each again as I sat down next to the bed when he woke up, he began to cry as I picked him up and settled him into my lap. I wrapped him in my arms as he settled down as I closed my eyes, willing him to fall asleep again. "Momma,"

"Yea buddy?" I asked, "I hurt,"

"I'm sorry baby, maybe we can get you some medicine." I said as I adjusted his hospital gown they had put him into. The racecars on the front made it a little bit better instead of the plain old strips.

"Okay," he said quietly, I kissed his forehead as I paged a nurse, she came in as I looked at her, "Can we get anything for his pain?" she nodded, "I'll get some Tylenol," I thanked her as I scooped him tightly in my arms. "I love you so much Collin,"

"I love you mommy," he whispered before he fell into another sleep.

* * *

Troy's POV

"Good morning," I announced as I walked behind my desk, the nurses said good morning back as I hung up my jacket and put on my lab coat. I sat down as I booted up my computer and logged in. Emails began to roll into my Mac as I turned to find a couple of charts to see what I had on my schedule for the day. Dr. Casey appeared in my doorway with a file. "This is yours." She said, her face even and almost upset.

I looked at her with an arched eyebrow, "What?" she handed me the chart as I looked at it. _Collin Montez._ "I gave this to you yesterday," I said with a shake of my head, "So it is yours," I told her as I held it to her, "Incase you forgot, I am not a resident. I don't do charts,"

"I know you aren't a resident Mr. Attending, this is your case now. I figured it out, you get to be the big guy in charge now." I felt my stomach sink as I looked at her, "You are joking right? This mom isn't looking for what I am going to tell her."

She shook her head as she handed me the CT and the other papers. "Oh my God," I muttered as I looked at it, "I figured you would want to talk to her and see him," she said softly, "She is a mess too. She just wants her son to feel completely better and she finally got somebody to listen but I'm not sure if we listened in time or not."

"I can't even, this is horrible," I muttered as my fingers traced the shapes, I thought of the girl I had seen yesterday who was in tears trying to get help for her son. She loved her son and I knew she would go to the moon and back for this kid. "Hell," I muttered, "I sometimes hate my job."

"Bolton, I would never in my life want the job you have today. I have never seen a mother so attached to her son,"

"Fuck," I said softly, "Fuck, fuck, fuck,"

"I know,"

"I want a bone marrow aspiration and a bone scan, I want to see how far this has spread," I told her quietly, "Don't alarm the mother yet, I want her to be calm to get this little guy through the scans."

"Are you going to go and talk to her?" she asked, "Yea, I will," I paused as I looked at the scans shaking my head again.

"So we aren't going to move her floors?"

"Not yet, I don't want to worry her just yet. Once you say the oncology ward they freak out and they won't leave me alone. They want to know everything and they are panicked."

"She has been hoping for something so we can make her child better but how are you going to tell her it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better…if it ever gets better."

I rubbed my forehead, "I have no idea,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

I woke up with a pit in my stomach; I looked down at Collin as I kissed the top of his head. I went out in search of coffee and I could only find it in the café. I didn't like being this far away from Collin. I poured the coffee as the steam rolled off of the top, I dumped a couple of packets of sugar in, stirred it together, and tossed my trash away as I took a sip of my drink.

On the elevator up, I entered his room to see the doctor that had been here yesterday who had got me Dr. Casey. I walked up as I cleared my throat, he turned around to look at me and I got caught on those blue eyes again. He shifted and a flash of worry crossed his features and he then smiled. "I wanted to thank you," I said with a smile, "Dr. Casey is fabulous and it has been a joy being with her. She has really helped me unlike the past six doctors," he smiled and nodded, "That's fabulous,"

"Yes, thank you again, you were the first doctor to listen to me and to get me what I needed. She has made Collin feel at ease and I feel like we are going to get somewhere."

He shifted as he took a deep breath, "I am actually Collin's doctor today," I raised my eyebrows as I saw Dr. Casey this morning; she had come to see Collin and to check up on him. "You are?"

"Yes, Dr. Casey wants me to run a couple of more tests today and then this evening we will have the cause to your sons pain," a flash of relief crossed my face as he smiled, "I haven't yet actually got to meet Collin, so may I?" I nodded as I guided him into the room where Collin was still sleeping. "He was in a lot of pain in the middle of the night,"

"We can get him some morphine," he spoke softly as he pressed on his stomach and a couple of other places, he examined his back as he looked up. "We are going to do a bone aspiration on Collin, he is going to have to be sedated again for this producer and he is going to be pretty sore from it. After that, he will have a bone scan and after that we should be able to fully tell you what's wrong."

"Thank you Dr…" I let it drag on as I had yet to even learn his name, I wanted to know the name behind those blue eyes. "Troy, Troy Bolton," he said with a smile; he stuck out his hand as I shook it. "Gabriella Montez," I said, "You can call me Gabi though,"

"I like it," he said, I smiled as I sat down in the chair; Troy did a couple of other things before he left. He talked to a nurse as suddenly Morphine was being brought into the room. His smile had a sexy charm to it and I couldn't take my eyes off of him when he left the room. Shaking my head, I stretched out as Collin opened his eyes. "Mama?"

"Yes sweetie?" I asked, "Can I have pudding?"

"I'm sorry bud, you have to do a couple of more tests," I whispered, "No, I want to go home," he said, I felt a sad smile cross my face, "I want to go home too. Soon though okay?" he nodded his head as I kissed the top of his head. My fingers rubbed his hand as nurses began to come and go and I began to worry more.

* * *

The day had dragged on and by mid afternoon Collin was in tears from pain and it was just a long day. I held him as he cried and cried into my chest. I was exhausted, as I didn't get an ounce of sleep last night. I was too anxious about his results coming back. He screamed as I was going to scream with him too as I hugged him closer to my chest. "I'm sorry Collin, I'm sorry," I tried everything to get him to calm down but he was just suffering. My heart broke at each sob and scream that came from his mouth.

"Oh man, what's wrong little man?" I looked up as I saw Dr. Troy Bolton walk in; he was in a scrub top with a pair of scrub pants. Collin was screaming as he held on to me as Troy came over, "Can I see him?" he asked me, I was gladly ready for a small break as I handed him over. Collin cried harder in the transition as Troy tried to calm him, "I know big guy, this day has sucked huh," Troy pushed a couple of buttons on his machine as Troy tried to soothe him. He gently rocked him as I took a couple of breaths trying to calm my self down.

I watched as my heart was breaking, I couldn't help him and I only hope Troy could help him. I hope it was simple. Troy rested him in his bed as his crying died down as he hiccupped, "There you go big guy," Troy said quietly, "How did you do that?"

"I upped his pain medication a little bit," he said with a blush, I smiled, "Oh really?"

"Yea, his bone marrow aspiration is probably pretty sore so," I looked at him as I was wondering what he was waiting to tell me, "Is everything okay?" I asked Troy looked at me as he looked around. "Do you have anybody with you?" he asked, I narrowed my eyes as my stomach twisted. "No, I don't have any family or friends,"

"His dad?" he questioned, "It's just me." I answered; he turned around and rubbed the back of his neck. He turned back around to face me, "We ran several tests today on Collin and it wasn't good," I felt my heart race as I gripped the edge of the bed. He didn't know how to give me the news. It was bad. Something wasn't right as I felt my breath come in rapid gasps. "Gabi, Collin most likely has cancer." My legs gave out from underneath of me as I felt my breathing go labored, "Gabi, hey," I looked up as I was sitting on the ground, his blue eyes captivated mine as I looked at him. I couldn't remember what he just said to me. I couldn't process anything besides those words.

Collin most likely has cancer.

A rock hit my gut as I felt panicked, my heart raced, my breathing was fast as I shook my head. This couldn't be happening, this wasn't possible. No, no, it wasn't. I can't.

"Gabi, hey," I looked up as Troy was right in front of me.

"Take a breath okay," I nodded as I took a deep breath and he helped me up, he eased me into the chair next to Collins bed as I took more breaths as I looked at Collin. "I know I heard you wrong," I whispered, "Collin doesn't have cancer," I said shaking my head, "Collin is healthy and happy, it's just a stupid virus," I felt the tears rush into my eyes as I looked at Troy, "He can't have cancer, he is all I have, I can't," I started to cry as I clutched my chest as Troy set me down in a chair as I cried.

"We are going to do a biopsy tomorrow but I am 99% sure its cancer,"

"No, no, no, you are lying to me. You can't be honest with this, he is fine, and I want to take him home. It will go away," I cried as I tried to get up but Troy gently eased me back into the chair.

"I know how hard this is to hear, I am so sorry," I cried as I felt everything inside me rush out. He rubbed my back as I came too it, I looked at Collin as I shook my head, "He was fine," my lips trembled as I looked at his face which was paler than normal, his hand was sitting on top of the blankets as I shook my head trying to keep all of my tears at bay.

"I am going to take care of him, I am a pediatric oncologist," he looked at me as he held my eyes, nobody did that anymore, "I am going to take care of Collin and I am going make sure he is going to be okay, okay?" I nodded my head as he nodded, "I am going to do the biopsy tonight and we are going to figure out what we are dealing with before we freak out. After that we will start and we will fight okay?"

"Okay," It was the only words I could muster right now, it was the only thing that ran through my head as I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on so many times.

He gave me a soft smile, a smile that might have made my knees weak months ago but right now, I just wanted to smash anything into a wall. I wanted to smash everything. "I'll be back in a little bit,"

"Okay,"

When he left I felt like my world around me had fallen apart. The scary moments, you had no idea when they were coming, you had no warning, and you didn't get to have one last final moment of solitude before the world comes crashing in around you. You are just thrown into the pit of fire with a sign that says eat me because you are unprepared, lacking information, scared for the next fire ball coming at your face.

I got up as I crawled into the bed next to him and I wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him close to me as I kissed on him, I held him tight, and I wanted my little Collin back. I wanted him to be mine and I wanted to love him forever, I wanted him to be in my arms forever.

The scary moments left you weak and scared, there are some moments in my life where I wish I were more prepared for everything that was thrown at me.

* * *

 _Five Weeks ago_

"He has just been running a low grade fever," I said to the doctor, "I have been working a lot the past week so some extra time in day care but I don't know, I am just making sure it isn't the flu or anything," I told his doctor, she smiled as she looked over the chart. "No, he seems pretty healthy. It could be some teething or other things but he should be fine."

"Awesome," I said with a nod of my head, "Big case?" I nodded my head, "Yea, it has been pretty crazy in and out of court,"

"Well Collin is looking very healthy," I smiled and thanked her again as I walked out of the office as Collin ran up to the car, I helped him up as he protested that he could buckle the seat belt himself. I smiled as I kissed the top of my head, "Do you want some ice cream buddy?"

"Pwease!"

I shook my head as I shut the car door and I grinned, I loved being his mom. He was the best little boy in the entire world.

* * *

 _Now – August 3_ _rd_ _, 2014_

Troy entered the room as I wiped at my eyes, it was the following day and he should have the report back from the biopsy they did in his stomach. "Can you come to my office?" he asked me, I nodded as I wrapped my arms around my body, the breeze cold as I followed him on the oncology floor. The words felt bitter as I entered his office, the walls bland, no pictures of wives and kids. The walls were boring and white; a lone Mac sat on the desk as he had two chairs on both sides.

"Boring office," I said quietly, my brain numb from everything and apparently I didn't have a filter either. Troy laughed a dry laugh, "I don't like spending my time in an office so not much goes in here," he said with a shrug, "I would rather be out on the floor where my patients can reach me." I nodded as I turned to look at it again; I turned to look back at Dr. Bolton as we both caught each other's eyes. Our mouths moved at the same time as we both stopped, he nodded his head towards me as I let out a breath.

"How bad is it?" I asked, my eyes settling on his chair, "Take a seat," he said softly, I did as he looked at me. "Collin has stage IV Neuroblastoma, it's what I thought he had when I looked at it," I felt my stomach flip when he said stage _four_. I felt tears in my eyes as I pressed my hands to my face, I couldn't stop the sob from creeping up into my mouth as my shoulders shook. My baby had cancer. My baby was sicker than I thought. It took me several minutes to regain myself as I looked up at Troy because I knew he had more. "Collin's main tumor is in his stomach, it's about the size of a softball, a little bit smaller which sits on his right kidney on his adrenal gland," I closed my eyes as he continued, "He has another tumor pressing against his spine which his causing the pain in his walking, he has several small tumors on his bones all around and traces of it in his bone marrow,"

The news was heart stopping as I began to sob; I bent over, as it didn't sound good never less the odds of him beating this. My sobs hurt my chest as I sobbed; I could barely breath as I cried. I felt Troy's hand on my back as I cried in his office for what felt like ever. "Breathe," his voice entered my ear as I sucked in a gasping breath. His voice caused shivers down my spine and goosebumps broke out on my arms. I rubbed my eyes and I hiccupped. "I'm sorry," I said, "I'm sorry, I should handle myself better." I told him with a shake of my head. "No," he said, his lips pursed together, "This is completely normal," his hand rested on my back as it was about the only warm part of my body.

"Do you want me to continue or do you want to wait?" he asked me, I knew he wanted to finish but I didn't want it to continue. I wanted time to stop and I wanted to fold Collin in my arms. This day was just too much to keep going forward. "Go ahead," I said softly, my voice so light I could barely hear the words that escaped my lips.

"The tumor is too big and complicated to start with surgery first. Collin is going to have to have chemo to shrink the tumors, and then we will do a surgery to get rid of as much as we can. After that, we will most likely do some more chemo, a bone marrow transplant, radiation, and probably antibody transplants."

I shook my head, as this was so much information as I shook with fear. "I can't, I can't do this right now," I cried as I got up, Troy hesitated but he let me walk out, I walked back to Collin's room as I looked at him, tears were full flooded as I looked at him. I stroked his hand, as I had nobody to tell, I had nobody to go too. I was suddenly so alone in the world I was beyond scared.

I was going to have to tackle this by myself. I was going to have to make the best choices possible for him. I was going to have to be strong. I looked at him as I let my fingers trace down the side of my face as twenty-four hours can change your life so fast. "I am going to do the best I can to save him," I turned around to face Dr. Bolton as I took a big breath.

"What are his odds?" I asked, he looked at me, "I don't like odds," he said, "They are fact,"

"They also put doubt into my patients mind and nobody needs that when they are about to enter a very long journey," I looked at him as I nodded my head, "You think this is all the right route for him?" I asked, Troy nodded his head, "I will run it by a couple of more colleagues but I want to start as soon as possible. I want Collin to beat the odds because his mother has been fighting for him for the past six weeks and now I am going to help you fight okay?"

I nodded my head as he smiled, "You are a very strong woman, are you sure you don't have anybody I can call?" I rubbed my eyes, "No," I said quietly, "I don't, and I wish I did, but I don't."

"That's fine. After I get my consultants on his case, I will have you meet a surgeon who will be placing a central line into his chest so we don't have to give him an IV every time we need to do something, after that we will start six rounds of chemo, five days of chemo and then a month rest. Hopefully, in six months we will be able to take his tumor out of his stomach and every other tumor. If we see that the tumor has shrunk after say three chemo regimens then we will remove the tumor then,"

"Why so many and so far apart?" I asked him, "His tumor is quite large and he has many of them on his bones. We just want to make sure we are going in with a successful way, we want to get as much of the tumor as possible." I nodded my head as I rubbed my eyes, "I don't know,"

"It's okay," Troy, said, "I do know, that is what I am here. I know what I am doing; it is going to be a very long grueling process so if you know anybody you might want them to come, the more support the better,"

"I don't have anybody," my voice snapped as I felt like I had told him this so many times before. "My parents are dead, I don't know who his dad is, I have been in law school and a lawyer for the past six years, I don't have friends. I have an assistant. I am by myself. I don't have anybody." Troy looked at me and I turned away from him as I stroked Collins hand. "Mommy?"

I smiled as I looked at him, "Hey buddy, how are you feeling?"

"Tired," he replied, I nodded as I kissed his forehead, "I bet you are tired,"

"Collin, hey buddy," Troy made him self noticed as Collin looked at him, "I am Dr. Troy, you are a very brave young man, how are you feeling?"

"Okay," he answered, his eyes flickered towards mine as I pushed his hair back, "Collin, your mommy here is pretty awesome," Collin looked at me as he smiled, "I love my mommy,"

"I bet you do, she is pretty cool."

A smile crossed my lips as Collin gave a big smile, the one I had missed so much, I kissed the top of his head, "I'll be here…if you need me." Troy said as he looked at Collin, "I'll see you in a bit big guy," he nodded as I squeezed his hand as Dr. Troy Bolton walked away.

With every scary moment there is a brief moment of relief, that moment where you remember it's not impossible to keep breathing and somebody…just somebody might be there for you even if it is a complete stranger.

* * *

 **Ah! I am so ready for you guys to enjoy this story! I am in love writing this story and I hope you guys love it just as much! Spread the word about this story and let's get some readers back into the world!**

 **I hope you guys are in love with sweet Collin because he is by far one of the best things I have ever written. So sweet.**

 **Sorry it took so long to update! Very busy day that I had! Thanks for all of the love and patience!**

 **xx - Jo**

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	2. Defining Moments

Chapter 2 – Defining moments

" _Yesterday was not your defining moment. The calendar moved forward so why not you?"_

Moments sometimes define a person; you get a horrible haircut but your whole personality changes. You choose a college states away from your home and it changes you. The moment you say yes to a person after years from dating. Those moments can define you; they can choose your path of life. Those are great moments; those moments make you a better person.

Then you have defining moments that make you seem weak, exhausted, it makes you break down and you don't even know whom you are. The moment you are so weak that you can't breath, the sobs are louder than your thoughts, everything is a blur in your mind. Nothing is the same. The moment somebody says the words dead, cancer, terminal, the words that make you shrink into the ground.

Those words are hard when it's about yourself but when it's about your child, the child you let grow inside of you for nine months, the one you cuddled with when he cried, the one who stole your heart the moment he was laid on your chest, the one you would protect from the littlest thing. That's a moment that will define you forever. It will haunt you, that one day, will haunt you, when you have nightmares you'll most likely be of that day.

The day that took your breath away and you weren't sure how to move forward…but you did. You some how moved forward, made choices, and kept going.

* * *

I wiped away any tears that might be evident as I looked at Collin who was sitting up and playing. Yesterday I was a mess; I don't even remember much of yesterday. I just remember when Dr. Troy Bolton sat me down and told me my child had Neuroblastoma; I had researched it through the night, which made me a mess. Everything I read made my stomach twist, it made me cry harder at times, it made everything seem so much harder.

"Mommy,"

"Yes sweetie?" he smiled as he showed me his new truck that I had went to the gift shop to buy, something to hold him out long enough until I was able to take him to the store to get him the one he really wants, "Do you like it?"

"Yes!" I smiled as I kissed the top of his head, "Good morning!" I looked up to see Dr. Casey and Dr. Bolton walk in, I cleared my throat as Collin grinned, "Dr. Troy, look at my toy!" he said with a big grin, and he showed him as Dr. Troy grinned, "That's awesome big guy," Collin showed him another one as they started to play together, I felt my heart warm as I had not seen Collin this awake in a couple of months. He was happier than normal and he sat on his knees as he raced the car up Troy's jacket. I would normally tell him to stop but I was too happy watching him to do anything.

"How are you holding up?" I looked at Dr. Casey as I shrugged, "I don't know what to feel," she gave a sad smile, "Yea, I understand where you are coming from. It has to have been a huge shock,"

"It has been a huge shock, I mean, I wanted to be able to fix him, a simple surgery or something…not cancer." I noticed that Dr. Bolton had turned to look at me as he kept playing with Collin. "But he has a long fight in front of him, he is going to be your little boy again, it's going to be hard though." I nodded as I tried not to cry but the tears only came. Dr. Casey hugged me and I took the hug, as I needed something right now. I needed _someone_ right now.

"Mommy, is you okay?" I turned as I wiped at my eyes, Collin was scooting closer to me as I nodded, "Mommy is fine," I said as I picked him up, he smiled, "Dr. Troy said they have a play room, can we go play?" I nodded as I tried to not cry, "Of course sweetie," I thanked them both as Dr. Casey stepped out but Troy hung back, "His surgery for inserting his port a cath is at 4 this afternoon," I nodded, "Thank you,"

"Would you like me to show you too the playroom?" Troy asked, I looked at Collin as he raced a truck over my shoulder, "Please?" he laughed and nodded, he helped me moved his IV pole. We moved down the hallway where a couple of other kids were in there. A couple were older than Collin and the two were probably around his age, Collin squirmed as he wanted to go and play. This was a little piece of my baby.

I let him down as he moved around as I moved with his pole until he settled. I turned to thank Troy again, "He is in a better mood today," I said with him, "He isn't as tired so thank you,"

"No problem, he has a bit more pain medication going through him to help."

"Thank you," I looked back to Collin as Troy shifted, "How are you this morning?" he asked me, I looked at Dr. Troy as I settled on those blue eyes again. I shifted to avoid his gaze as I shrugged my shoulders, "How am I supposed to be? My kid was just diagnosed with cancer…with a 30% chance of survival," Troy flinched at the words as he focused on me. "Be careful on what you read on the Internet, it may not exactly be true to his case."

"Oh really?" I snapped, "Well you won't tell me,"

"No, I don't tell you because you have to keep hope for Collin,"

"I'm sorry, I'm just," I rubbed my head, "I'm sorry," I spoke, "Don't be," he said with an easy nod, "This is a hard time right now,"

"Yea, it is," I said as I looked back at Collin who was coloring with markers, Dr. Troy left as I looked at him, my eyes looked at him as he went to the nursing station. I sat down next to Collin as I rubbed his back. A little kid came walking over as a mom came walking with him. "Hi! I haven't seen you around," I looked up at her, I fumbled as I didn't know what to say, "Yea, we have been here since Saturday,"

"Oh yea? Transfer?"

I shook my head, "He was diagnosed yesterday," the words were bitter against my tongue as I wanted to cry from the words, her face fell and she sat down next to me. "Oh sweetie," she looked at Collin and then at her son, "Ryan," she said looking at her son, "Was diagnosed four months ago with leukemia," I nodded as she smiled at him, "He has been such a trooper the past couple of months and I remember exactly how you are probably feeling."

I nodded as Collin turned to Ryan as they began to share toys, "My name is Sam," she said sticking her hand out, "Gabi," I answered, "Is your husband around?" she asked, I shook my head, "I'm not married and his dad isn't in the picture."

"Oh, I see, friends?" she asked, I shook my head again as Sam frowned, "Well then, I am you new friend." I shook my head, "You don't have too, and I don't want pity,"

"Girl, this is a long journey and you are going to need somebody who understands and who can help you. Plus, I am in a lot of the same boat. My husband is pretty useless as he died three years ago,"

"I'm so sorry,"

"It's okay, Ryan's D-day as I like to call it was much worse, it hurt a lot more than the day I lost my husband,"

"I felt like somebody stabbed me yesterday,"

"It hurts," she agreed, I reached forward to adjust Collin's shirt as Sam sighed, "So what horrible news did they give your son?" she asked, I looked at Collin, "Collin has Neuroblastoma, stage IV," I said quietly, my hands ran through his hair as Sam nodded, "I'm sorry,"

"I wish a sorry would make it all better," I tried not to cry, "I guess he has several tumors and the biggest is in his stomach,"

"I bet Collin will kick ass," I nodded as I wiped at my eyes, "I hope so," Sam hugged me, "You are going to be a kickass mom, so what do you do?" she asked, "I am a family lawyer," I announced as there was one thing that I was sure about as I said it. "Oh yea?" I nodded, "It has been a fun ride with it but I am not sure how I am going to work and be with Collin, he can't go back to daycare,"

The stress rolled off of me as I shook my head, "My parents are dead and I just, I don't know how anything is going to work," I felt Sam move next to me, "Well, I told you, you are my new friend and as my other friends on the Cancer floor begin to appear, I will introduce you. This journey may suck but you do meet some awesome people along the way,"

"Thank you Sam, I just met you and you are already being so kind,"

"I wish I would have had somebody when Ryan was here in the playroom three days after being admitted, I didn't. I met Jill though and she helped me, Jill has since moved on from the oncology ward with her little guy and they are kicking ass in the world. It has given me hope with Ryan,"

"Thank you," I told her again, she nodded, "You are more than welcome,"

* * *

I had talked to Sam for quite a while, I had found out she was 33, she worked at a insurance company who had given her a lot of paid time off to be with Ryan, her parents help her out a lot and she was awesome. She didn't have a boyfriend and she wasn't trying focusing on just Ryan. I envied her really because she at least had her parents to help her. I didn't. When I had to take Collin back to his room he protested because he didn't want to leave Ryan. They had become friends quickly.

In the move I had learned that Ryan and Sam were right next door to us as he was receiving his chemo this week. He did a routine of chemo and then he was to be discharged before doing the same thing in three weeks. Collin was napping when a nurse came in as she was prepping him for his surgery. I ran my hands over his hair, as he looked up at me with a big smile, "Momma?"

"Yea?"

"You didn't go to work," I laughed, "No mommy didn't," he giggled and I shook my head as I kissed the top of his head. "How is everything going in here?" I turned around to see Dr. Troy, "Troy," I said with a nod of my head, "Gabi, Collin," he giggled as he bounced up and grabbed something to show him, "Look!" I laughed as he took it from the bedside table.

Troy acted amazed, "This is awesome, and did you have fun in the room?" Collin nodded his head as he giggled, "I met Ryan!"

"Really?" he asked with a surprised look, "Yes! We played a game together!" Troy laughed, "Ryan is an awesome little guy, just like you," Collin grinned as Troy looked up, good god, those eyes. I felt my knees grow weak as I ran my hand along the bed as Troy sighed, "I know the past twenty four hours has been a whirlwind but I would love to talk to you about the final plan of everything."

I looked at Collin, as I didn't want to talk to him right now, "Can we talk while he is in surgery?" I asked, Troy looked at him and nodded, "Of course, I'll have to shift my meeting,"

A sudden guilt ran through me, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't,"

"No, it's fine. I'm working all night anyways. I have time later."

"Thank you," I watched him walk out of the room as his lab coat went to above the back of his knees. He had on dress pants this morning with a tie. My eyes watched him lean up against the counter talking with a nurse; he picked up a chart as he was very well built. His shoulders were strong, his frame was lean, and he laughed as it sounded like a gift from God.

Fuck. I shouldn't be even looking at Collin's doctor. I should be focusing on Collin, all Collin.

* * *

 _4 Weeks ago_

"Is two weeks normal for a virus?" I asked the girl looked up at me, "Sweetie, he is fine. It's just a fever," she went back to scribbling notes into the growing chart. Collin was leaning back up against me as he was sleeping. He was always sleeping.

'He isn't eating as well and he doesn't walk and run as much," I argued, "It could be something more," I began to panic because nobody was helping me, how was I supposed to help my child.

"He is a toddler, he is going to be fine!" the nurse said with a wave of her hand, "It is not a big deal," I looked down at Collin, as he was asleep in my lap. I brushed his dark hair away from his face, "Not even an x-ray?" I begged, "He doesn't warrant an x-ray," I felt a deep sigh drift out of my mouth, "Whatever," I said as I stood up with Collin.

"Ms. Montez!" Thank you lord, somebody is going to help me.

I turned around as the nurse was waving a blanket that I had forgotten. I frowned and then I thanked her as I took it and I went back to my car. I was praying that she was going to help me instead of giving me a blanket and sending me on my way. I settled Collin into his car seat as I tucked his blanket in around him. I kissed the top of his head as the low-grade fever still lingered his energy was draining. "I'm sorry baby, I am sorry, I'm trying,"

He looked up at me as his brown eyes looked dull, "Do you want to go play at mommy's work?" he nodded stiffly as I shut the car door and I walked to my door. I buckled in and I rested my forehead against the steering wheel. This case was driving me nuts causing me to work late and to keep Collin at the office with me. He wasn't happy there and I could only assume this virus started there.

It was my fault; I was being a bad mother.

Blowing off work, I looked back at Collin, "How about some ice cream instead?"

* * *

Troy's POV

I looked over another case and I tried not to fall asleep at my desk, I was exhausted and I had pulled another twenty four hour shift because I was concerned over my new case, I was making calls and emails making sure that Collin Montez had the best care in the world. His mom was a complete mess and I could understand but when I found out she had nobody, it stung a little bit. Everybody should have somebody and that is even more important when you are going through cancer.

"Are you working late again?" I looked up to see the young new nurse, Molly, peeking into my office. "Uh yea," I leaned forward as I massaged the bridge of my nose. "Is there anything I can help with?" I shook my head, "No, I am alright, I am just tired." Molly nodded her head and I closed the chart as I scratched my jaw. "Ms. Montez wants to know if now is a good time to come and speak to you?"

"Oh yes, yes," I said as I stood up, "I'm assuming Collin is asleep then?"

"Yea, it took us a while to get him to settle down," I nodded my head as Collin had troubles coming out of anesthesia and cried for several hours postponing my meeting with Gabi. "I'll go get Gabi myself,"

"Okay," Molly walked back to the nursing station as I walked into Collin's room; Gabi was sitting in the rocking chair next to his bed as he was sleeping in the bed. She was watching him intently and rubbed his hand as he slept slumped over. I knocked on the door gently as I looked at Gabi; she jumped startled, as she was beautiful. Her skin had to have a mix of Spanish in her, her hair was long and beautiful, her eyes startling.

"You want to talk now?" I asked she nodded as she got up gently, kissed Collins forehead and came over to me. She looked like hell closer up, the bags under her eyes, and the redness from crying, I had seen every mom this way day after the 'day' as they called it. Yet somehow she made it look good. "How are you holding up?" she shrugged her shoulders, "I have never seen him act like this before,"

"We tend to bring the worst out in kids," she sent me a glance as I tried not to smile, "Do you want to know what I think about this cancer shit?" I looked at her and I nodded, "Lay it on me," we walked the hospital hallways as she shook her head, "For the past forty eight hours my kid has had cancer, or officially had cancer and I knew about cancer. I understand that cancer was this thing in the world but I didn't know cancer was going to effect me. I didn't think it was going to harm my little boy and if doctors would have listened to me six weeks ago then maybe it wouldn't be so bad," she paused to look at a poster on the wall, "Cancer is this lingering thing in the world that you hear of and you begin to pray sometimes that it never effects your life and then bam…it happens."

She shook her head as she pressed her palms to her eyes, "I just wish we would have caught it sooner, if somebody would have just listened to me we could be six weeks into his treatment."

"Possibly," I said to her, "How are you an oncologist?" I pressed my lips together as I didn't want to answer that question, it was reasons I didn't like to tell much of anybody, "How are you a kid oncologist at that?" I swallowed, "I would rather discuss Collin's plan," I advised, she turned towards me as fire was in her eyes. "Do you promise me that this is going to work?" the sudden flip in emotions threw me off as I looked at her for several seconds, the fire behind her eyes was deadly.

I swallowed hard as I took a deep breath before I responded to her. "I can't promise much of anything but I can promise that this is the best plan of action. I have talked to some of the biggest hospitals out there and other oncologist and we all agree."

"So you are saying six rounds of five day chemo is what we need to do?" her words were crisp, "Because I don't have anybody else to ask, I don't have anybody else to consult besides you. I could call doctors but how am I supposed to know the truth? I have to trust a complete stranger with my little boys life so are you going to fuck it up?"

Wow, she had fire to her that I have never seen from a mother before. I wondered if it was the Spanish to her. Why was this turning me on? Good Lord help me. "Gabi, I promise you, I am going to take as good of care of Collin as if he was my own child." She looked at me skeptical, "I want to help you have your healthy Collin back so I need you to trust me with everything I am going to do okay?" she nodded her head and she let out a big breath, "We are going to do five rounds of chemo," she looked at me as the number had changed, "We decided that we will run scans after the third and fifth round of chemo. If things have shrunk after the third then we will do surgery, if not we will wait until the fifth. If by the fifth we still aren't seeing things improve then we are going to do a sixth one but I am confident we can shrink the tumors."

She nodded her heads, as the information was overwhelming, "After that, we can get the best surgeon to remove as much and as many of the tumors as possible. That is when we will have to stop and see everything going on. We might do more chemo, go for radiation, stem cell transplant, it can go many different ways but I know right now that we need to start with chemo."

"Okay," she said softly, "Tomorrow, Collin will run through a series of tests, he will have a test for just about every body function and will be sedated for most of the day," she flinched at the words because of how well this was going with the sedations. "I know, it's the last day until later,"

"That's the fifth time in four days," she said, I knew she was feeling the pressure of it all. "I know it is going to be alright though. We are going to make sure everything is working fine inside of him and then on Wednesday or Thursday we will start his five days of chemo," she nodded her head as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Okay,"

"If it is okay, I would rather start his chemo on Thursday, I'll give him a day of rest maybe we can stretch it to Friday morning,"

"Please, he is going through so much, if we have to start on Thursday but giving him until Friday to recover just a little bit."

I nodded my head as I completely understood, "How about a compromise, we can do it late Thursday night early Friday morning. We can give him the days to recuperate, we will start five days of chemo, maybe we can have you out of the hospital in a week or so," she looked up at me as the words left my mouth, "How much time will we be spending in this hospital?" she asked me, I let out a long breath…"A lot,"

"Why?" she asked, "Well it's every month for five days if everything goes as planned, if he has fevers or rough nights or he is sick he will also be here. After that he will have a grueling surgery, then probably more chemo, stem cell transplant is at least thirty days in the hospital and that can come to be about sixty days pretty easily, then we have radiation, then antibody therapy, it's a lot of hospital time."

"Plus scans and clinic visits,"

"Yea," I told her, she rubbed her face as she looked at me, "What times are we going to start scans tomorrow?"

"Around ten,"

"I have to go to my work tomorrow," she said to me "I have to go talk to my bosses and I have to get time off,"

"Of course,"

"And I need to make sure somebody is watching over my little boy while I am gone,"

"I will be there for every test,"

"I'll only need to be gone an hour or two,"

"I will take care of him, I promise, he will get the best of care,"

"Thank you," she said to me, "I just want him to have the best of care."

She walked past me and back into his room when I called her name, "You are brave you know that right?" she shrugged her shoulders, "I guess in moments I might seem brave but really I am weak,"

My eyes lingered on her, "It's all in the moment," I told her, "Every minute defines us," she said quietly, "Yea…it does."

* * *

Gabi's POV – August 5th

"Mommy will be here when you wake up okay? Right here," he nodded as he rubbed his eyes, "I love you Collin,"

"Can we go home?" he asked me, I shook my head as I felt tears gather in my eyes, "No bud, we can't go home."

"But I want to go home," he cried, "I don't like it here anymore,"

"I'm sorry Collin, I'm sorry," I whispered into his hair, I hugged him tightly into my chest, "So Collin, how are you feeling this morning?" Our nurse came into the room as I saw Sam behind them. I took a deep breath as I smoothed his hair down, "Good Morning Sam," she smiled, "Good Morning, how is Collin this morning?"

"Better than when you saw him last night," I admitted, "Good, good," she smiled as she then brought me a cup of coffee. "Oh my God, thank you,"

"No problem, I figured you could probably use one." I looked down at my ratty clothes, as I needed to go home, I needed a shower, I needed to grab things from the house. I hadn't left this hospital since I arrived on Saturday with Collin.

"He has a day full of tests to monitor every function in his body,"

"It's a rough day," Sam admitted, "He won't be around much,"

"I'm actually going to be leaving, I had to run home and shower and get everything that I am going to need to stay here for the next week and then I have to go talk to my bosses."

"I can be here and be a watchful eye,"

"Dr. Troy promised that he would be around and to watch him. He has my phone number but will give it to you too. Maybe I can pick up some food for the both of us on my way back." Sam smiled as she nodded, "That sounds awesome," I smiled as we switched phone numbers and I turned back to Collin. He was playing with one of his toy cars as I was going to go to the store and get him something else. He deserved something else.

"Gabi, do you mind if I steal you away from Collin for a minute? I want you to meet another friend," I nodded; "Sure," I wasn't about to turn down the opportunities of friends. I needed somebody and I was so happy Sam had accepted me. She took me down the hall until we got to the last room. "Mariah," a women with black hair with streaks of blonde in it who looked to be about 30, she was in a pair of capris with a long sleeve shirt.

"Hello!" she said, "I heard we had a newcomer on the floor," Mariah said as she bounced across the room. "Unfortunately," Sam said next to me, "Her son Collin is 3 and was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma a couple of days ago," I smiled a sad smile because who could be happy about any of this? Mariah frowned, "My son Kale has the same thing…what stage?" she asked softly, "Four,"

"Kale too, we are about two months into treatment,"

"Is Doctor Troy your doctor?" Mariah grinned, "That hunk of beef? I wish! We have an older doctor but man I have seen Dr. Troy Bolton walk around this floor and let me tell you." She fanned herself as I laughed, "Are you married?" I asked, "Yes, but my husband travels a lot but with Kale's diagnoses he stopped to take care of our seven year old,"

"How old is Kale?"

"Four," she said with a sigh, "He just turned four,"

"Collin just turned three,"

"Well it looks like our sons have the best play dates around because three little boys around the same age," I smiled as I saw another nurse walk into Collin's room, "If you could excuse me," I walked back into Collins room as they were preparing him for whatever, "Ms. Montez?"

I nodded, "I need you to sign plenty of papers," she said with an eye roll, "The paperwork seems to be endless," she said with a sigh. "I know," I said softly, she handed me the papers as I began to sign one after another as Dr. Bolton walked into the room. "How is my favorite patient?" he asked, he was rubbing his hands with hand sanitizer as he took a breath looking at me.

"I'm tired, can I go home?" Collin asked Troy, Troy frowned as he shook his head, "Sorry buddy, you have a couple of more days in Hotel de Hospital," I busted out with laughter as Troy looked at me with surprise. I laughed harder as I bent over, I looked up to see Collin and Troy looking at me with amused grins. "Did you like that?" I nodded, "I did, I am making a sign for our room. Hotel de Hospital," Troy cracked a grin as I took a deep breath.

"So are you ready?" Troy asked me, I nodded, I bent over to kiss the top of Collin's head, "I'll see you in a little bit okay?" he nodded his head as I looked at Troy, "When will he wake up?" I asked, "We should be done around three," I nodded my head as Troy wrote something down, a few nurses came in as Collin began to panic seeing all of them.

"No, I want mommy," he started to cry as he twisted around in his bed. He cried as he reached for me, I picked him up as I wrapped him in my arms. "It is going to be okay Collin, I promise, it is okay," he cried against my shoulder as I rubbed his back, his port was against my chest as I cringed thinking of him being a cancer patient. "Do you want a new car?" I asked him, he nodded his head as I kissed the top of his head, and "You are going to go hang out with Dr. Troy for a little bit okay?"

He nodded his head as he looked at Dr. Troy, Collin looked at him for a couple of moments as Troy was looking at us. He stretched his arms out to Troy, as Troy looked almost surprised. "Do you mind?" I asked, "Not at all," Dr. Troy set down his stuff and then he leaned over, his hand brushed against mine as I handed him Collin from my grasps.

Collin rested his head on Troy's shoulder as I felt at ease with him in Troy's embrace. Collin grabbed onto his lab coat, "Thank you," I whispered softly, he nodded, "I'll take great care of him today," I nodded as they all disappeared from the room, Collin looked at me as I gave him a big thumbs up. He turned his head as I sat down for a minute, my chest caved, as I wanted to cry right then but I held it together. I had to keep it together right now.

* * *

After washing my hair twice and my body three, I got out of the shower as I dressed into a pair of yoga pants with a long sleeve shirt. I slipped on a pair of tennis shoes as I began to move around to collect anything I would need in the coming weeks. My eyes lingered on my bed that hadn't been made since Saturday. Toys were laying on the floor in front of my bathroom where Collin played Saturday morning before we went to work for a bit and then too the hospital since he had cried all day at the office.

I ran my hands through my wet hair as I glanced around the room as I picked out a couple of other outfits and shoes with socks. I stacked up a fleece blanket. I grabbed the purple one for me and then the one with sports balls all over for Collin's blanket. I went into his room as I grabbed his pillow off of his bed. I sat down on his bed as I smoothed my fingers over the blue sheets.

Just one week ago, we were okay, he wasn't happy and he wasn't healthy but we didn't have this thing called cancer dancing in our lives. I sucked in a soft breath as I felt my chest cave in as I began to cry. I let it all out as I cried so what felt like ever. I sat on Collin's bed as I cried, the pain spread through my body as I could feel Collins pain.

I just wanted to curl up on the bed and cry but I knew I had to do other things before I went back to the hospital. I picked myself up as I splashed cold water on my face as I took a deep breath that came out in a small sob like breath. I took a big breath and I rubbed my face for just a moment. I gripped the sink as I took a really long breath, moments define you, and you can take a moment and make it the worst in your life because you let your mind go there. Or you can think about it and then you can make it moment to make you better. You can make it so you have hope for the future and make it an opportunity that could make good things come.

I could make friends. Collin could make friends. In times of horrible you have to find the little things in life to make it just a little bit better. This will suck and the crying is going to happen. It just will.

I backed away from the mirror as I grabbed everything Collin and I would need for the next several days. I packed a bag and then I grabbed the pillows and blankets. I picked up a couple of his toys and a couple of his other things. I packed up the car as I began to leave when I went back into the house. It was a small apartment; it had two bedrooms, a small living room attached to the kitchen. We each had our own bathroom and it was plenty big for just the two of us but it was always missing something.

I sighed as I shut the door firmly behind me and I locked it. I walked down the stairs and then I went outside. I drove the short distance to the firm as I checked to make sure you couldn't tell I had been crying the entire time I had packed up what I could to take to the hospital. I took my normal parking spot that was oddly open. I then took a minute as I got out. I had only missed two days of work so far but that was almost so much people probably thought I had died. They also knew I only took off when Collin was sick.

Stepping out of the car, I walked inside as I got my badge out waving past places. I got onto the elevator, as my first stop was to see Susan. Going to the fourth floor, I stepped out, as it was business as usual. People were walking around, the conference room was busy with somebody inside of it, the phones were ringing, and people were talking. It was the same chaos that I was so used to but after a couple of days in the hospital it seemed like so much.

Walking the normal route to my office, I got looks from people as I wanted to just cry because so many people were looking, so many people were talking, it was so much noise and I can't think. "Oh my God, Gabi," I looked to see Susan and she caught my attention. I tried to smile as she had been updated daily on what was going on because at fifty years old, she was the closest thing I had to a friend. She brought me into a hug as I hugged her back. "I am so sorry sweetie," I shook my head, "It's okay, it has just been really painful,"

"I bet sweetie, what are you doing here?"

"Collin is having a day full of tests and is sedated so I figured I could take the day off from the hospital to take a shower," I said as I tugged on my ponytail, "I need to come talk to Tom and Ken to see what I can do,"

"Yes, I will handle the fort here until you can come," I nodded my head as I wiped away my tears, "I'll see you in a bit, I'll come say goodbye before I leave,"

"Okay," she said softly, I squeezed her hand again as I walked out and upstairs, I walked across the floor as I stopped at Tom's secretary, she looked up, did a double take, and then looked at me again, "Gabi," I smiled, "Hi, is Tom or Ken able to talk?" I asked, she nodded, "Tom isn't busy," she called into his office, said a couple of things and then she nodded at me.

Tom was the one who hired me to be apart of the firm and he was very flexible with my schedule. Tom liked me and if he wasn't married and had two kids, I would date him. I licked my lips as I stepped into his office as he looked up at me; he backed away from his desk and pulled me into a hug. I guess I had more people that cared about me than I knew.

"Gabi," he said, "I am so sorry, Susan filled both Ken and I in on what was going on, how is Collin doing?" he asked me, I shrugged my shoulders, "He isn't handling the anesthesia very well and he has been put under five times in the past four days,"

"Poor guy, how are you doing?" he asked, I laughed, "I feel like I don't know how to put my right foot in front of my left."

"But you are doing it, that's all that matters,"

"I guess,"

He smiled, "What can we do to help?" I suddenly was filled with doubt because I didn't know; I couldn't work during this time. Collin needed me. "I don't know if I can keep working, I don't have the time," I said as I felt my chest ache thinking about any of this, "I have to be with Collin, for the next five months I will be in the hospital while he receives chemo. His day care won't take him back and I cant have him around sick kids all of the time, my parents are dead, I have nobody to watch him," I rambled on as I had no idea what I was going to do.

"Gabi, breathe," Tom said softly, "If this was my kid and I didn't have a wife, I know I would be at the same loss you are." I couldn't stop the tears that flowed down my cheeks as I felt so stupid, "I'm sorry I shouldn't be crying," I told him, "I haven't been able to stop today, I am so tired," he nodded his head, "I understand Gabi, to have your kid have c _ancer_ is a complete bitter thing to have to handle." The way cancer rolled off his tongue made my skin shiver. Nobody else had really said it too me.

"Gabi, full pay until you are ready, are able to come back, we will pass your cases around until you get back," I looked at him as if he was lying to me, "What if it is months, I can't put the law firm at risk like that, I'm not bring in my pay,"

"You still have your cases and I know when you get back you will kick ass, you are hard working Gabi and I know you wouldn't take time off unless it is completely serious and I know how serious this is. I would be doing the same exact thing. I understand Gabi, if you are able to come in and do things that's fantastic but I don't expect you to take on any new cases, I don't expect you to be a lawyer right now." He looked at me, "I expect you to be a mother,"

* * *

Troy's POV

I wheeled Collin's bed back into the room, as he was fast asleep with anesthesia still lingering in his system. I pulled up the chair as it was a little past three and Gabi had called the nurses station twice to ask how everything is going. Collin stirred as I scooted closer to his bed. He didn't quite wake up though as a nurse came in, "Are you staying with him Doctor Bolton?" I looked up at Heather as I nodded, "Yea, I promised his mom I would stay. She had to go work some things out."

"Another mom who doesn't care," she said, I looked up at her alert, "This mother is the least from that, she hasn't left here since Saturday, I'm pretty sure she would have loved another change of clothes and he was busy with tests all day. She made sure somebody was watching, she is going to be here at every moment she will be able to be here."

"Wow, Dr. B, I didn't know you could feel so passionate about something," she said, "She is a good mother," I said quietly, he moved his hands as his lips moved and a thin cry left his mouth, I felt my heart shatter a little bit as I couldn't imagine what he was going through and he could barely talk to voice what was wrong. I got up as he cried, "It's alright bud," he opened his eyes as he cried, "Mommy," he sobbed, "I know, she will be back soon," I promised him, I calmed him down slightly as he was shaking against my grasp.

"Yea, he is in here," I looked over my shoulder to see Sam Evans walk into the room. Her son Ryan was another one of my patients as I looked at her, she smiled, and "Gabi wants to know how he is doing?"

"Tell her he is doing great, he is asking for her though,"

She repeated the lines back to Gabi as her face fell slightly, "It will be okay Gabi, you are almost back here anyways. Dr. Bolton has him anyways, he seems okay," I nodded my head as I went to pull Collin back down but he held onto me. I sighed as I rubbed his back while Sam talked to Gabi for another moment and then hung up. "Collin took a quick fondness of you,"

"Well, sometimes it is good to take a fondness of somebody who will see you a lot,"

"How is he doing?" she asked me, "He is doing okay, he just doesn't like waking up from anesthesia." I told her, "I am hoping that is the last for a while,"

"I think Gabi is ready for it all to stop as well,"

"Who wants it to keep going?" I asked, she nodded her head as she smiled, "Gabi is bring you dinner," I looked at her with a shocked expression, "She is what?"

"Bring you dinner, it is a burger from someplace she loves but she thought since you spent the whole day with Collin away from other patients or whatever you actually did, she owes you for doing what you are doing right now and food is the best thing can do to help," I felt my stomach crawl from the lack of food I had eaten today. "I shouldn't," Sam shook her head, "You should. Please, don't make it hard on her. I know I have only known her for about a day but I already know she is going through a lot right in this moment."

I nodded, "Okay,"

"I'm here!" Collin popped his head up at the sound of Gabi's voice. A Park burger bag hung from her arm as she set it down, Collin moved from my grasps and right into hers, he buried his head into her chest as she kissed his forehead and rubbed his back. She went into full mother mode. I looked at her as she was wearing a pair of yoga pants, a long sleeve Denver Broncos football shirt with a pair of Nike tennis shoes.

"How is my little guy?" she asked, he shrugged his shoulder as I smiled, "Collin was a trooper today, I will have the full results of everything tomorrow afternoon and then we let him rest before we go into chemo," she nodded her head as she settled Collin into the bed. "Can he have a burger?" she said looking at the bag and back to me, "Oh yea, he is free to eat whatever he wants. No more sleepy meds," I said, Collin grinned as Gabi pulled a bag out and he rustled through it finding a French fry. He giggled as he stuck it into his mouth and chewed on it.

"It is his favorite,"

"He has good taste," I said, Gabi smiled as she dug through the bag and then she handed me a bag. "Thank you for being with him," she said, "I obviously don't know what you like or if you even like Parks but I told them to put everything on the side and they did, I checked, with a thing of French fries since they are the best and I figured that everybody likes a good chocolate shake so I got you one of those too," she looked at me as she was a tad breathless, I smiled and nodded taking the bag from her.

"Parks is my favorite," I told her, she let a smile flood over her face as it was true, Parks was my favorite bar to go to get a burger and fries. I picked up the shake she had also gotten me, as I had not eaten since the banana this morning. "Thank you," I responded as I moved through the door, she dug through the bag and smiled, and "It was no problem,"

I started to walk out as I turned to look at her; she was helping Collin cut up his food as she smiled. "Onions, ketchup, mayo, and lettuce," I spoke, she looked up at me, a confused expression crossing her face, "Excuse me?"

I smiled, "Everything I like on my burger," I told her with a shrug, "Plus I am addicted to chocolate shakes," I winked as I then turned as I saw a blush creep around her cheeks. I walked into my office as I collapsed down into the chair and I let out a breath. I couldn't believe I just did that. I shook my head as I laughed, I took out the burger, put on my favorite condiments, and then I began to eat.

Moments define us, each moment it leads you down a path and at every path you get thrown behind another door. I knew she was passionate about her son, I knew she had great taste in restaurants, and I knew she was a caring person. It was a path I was being lead down, the past moment could define how everything takes from here and I was ready to see how far that path would take us.

* * *

 **Mmmm…what do you guys think? I loved all of the reviews from the first chapter and I love that you guys LOVE it! Yay!**

 **You guys rock!**

 **Have a grand week!**

 **Xx – Jo**

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	3. Frequent Flyer

Chapter 3 – Frequent flyer

' _Keep your head up. God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.'_

Being strong is sometimes the hardest thing in the world. You have to tell your parents that you are pregnant and you have no idea who the hell the father is, you have to have strength to be five months pregnant and to be standing at your father's funeral of a broken heart. You have to find the strength to do it again with a five-month-old baby in your arms saying goodbye to your mom for the last time.

You have to find strength to push a baby out with no support around you. You have to find strength to fight for the person who captured your heart the moment his little cry pierced the air around us. Those are the moments you find this power of strength to keep going. You find it and you run with it before it runs out. You probably cried during each of these moments. You probably broke down into tears, as you were not sure you could find the strength but God gives you the right amount of strength to get you through it.

He knows how much you need.

In each moment, you find that spot where you know you will be okay. You know you will be happy again, one day, it might not be that very day, it might not be for a couple of months, it could be tomorrow. Nobody knows but you have this belief it will get better. You have this strong desire that it will be fine. You find the courage to have strength to hold you kid while he cries in pain because you only have one duty.

To be strong for the one person in your life who makes it worthwhile. To know…that one-day, it will all end and you'll be happy again. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that there is plan for you, you are a path, but maybe it just takes a few slammed doors along the way to really figure out why.

* * *

Gabi's POV – Thursday, August 7th, 2014

I laughed as Collin, Ryan, and Kale were all playing in the playroom together. They were being boys and were having fun, "Here you go madam," Mariah handed me a cup of coffee as I thanked her, Sam was helping get down a game that the boys wanted to play as I took a sip of the hospital coffee that I had grown custom too around here.

Tonight, Collin would start his chemo after two very smooth days. All of his results came back clean and we were ready to go but Dr. Bolton was making sure he had plenty of time to rest up before we hit him hard with chemo. Ryan was being discharged tomorrow and we would be sad when he left because he was playing very well with Collin and Collin enjoyed having him around.

Kale was here till Sunday while Collin and I would be here until Tuesday at the earliest of our release. It might be Wednesday morning if Dr. Bolton thinks it will be best for him to give him a couple of hours before busting out of here to stop the chemo with more fluids but we are playing it by ear.

Dr. Bolton hadn't been around nearly as much the past two days. He would come in, in the mornings to check on him and we wouldn't see him for the next twenty-four hours. Collin would ask for him to come and to play but I wasn't sure how to handle this situation. I instead invited Kale and Ryan into our room to play or do whatever the boys wanted to do.

Last night we had a movie night in our hospital room. The boys were watching Scooby-Doo, one of Collin's favorites as us moms had dinner together and talked just outside of the room as we kept a watchful eye on them. I smiled as I was enjoying the time I was spending with Mariah and Sam. We were all getting along great together and they were happy for me that I was able to get as much time off, paid, from work.

"I am so glad we are going home tomorrow," Sam said with a sigh, "It has been a rough week," she looked at Ryan who was half asleep; he had a rough day yesterday as his chemo had hit hard. I looked at him, as I knew Collin would most likely look like that soon and it made my stomach sick. "I'm going to miss you," I declared, "We will come up and visit one of the days you guys are both still here." Sam said I smiled as I looked at the three boys.

Apparently Kale and Ryan had been friends for a bit as they were both in the hospital around the same time. Collin effortlessly moved into the group without hesitation. The boys played and kept up as I could tell the medications were helping Collin because he was walking around again, he was giggling, and he was feeling a bit better. It made me feel just a little bit better about the fact we were getting him help for something so horrible.

He looked over at me as I smiled, he grinned and turned back to play with his friends. We had been allowed to disconnect him for the afternoon from his IV pole and is running around happily without a thing attached to him. After playing with Kale and Ryan I had thought about taking him out to the park later to let him run around there to let most of his energy he had bundled together before we had to be stuck in a room, to a pole, for five days.

"Any big plans this weekend?" Mariah asked Sam, I looked back at each of them as I took another sip of my coffee, "No, staying inside for most of the weekend, hopefully we can go out and do some stuff before clinics next week and so on and so forth." I smiled, "Do you think you guys would be up for a play date after we are all released from chemo?" Mariah asked, I looked at her as I smiled, "I would love that, I just don't know how well he will be doing,"

"Well, it doesn't have to be this week or the next for that matter. You have a month in-between chemo's so we can do something soon," she said, I nodded, "I will always be game for a play date,"

Collin came running over to me, "Momma look!" I looked at the picture he had been coloring as I smiled, "It is beautiful Co," he smiled as I kissed the top of his head, he turned and went running back to his friends. "He is so sweet," Sam, said with a sigh, "Ryan sometimes doesn't even look at me."

"I am all Collin has," I said softly, "There isn't anybody else for him to look at,"

"Remember, if you ever need a night out, I will always watch him," Sam said, "Me too," Mariah offered, "It is so much easier when you have somebody who understands cancer and to hand your child with cancer off to them. They aren't going to call you and freak out when he throws up because of chemo or became he isn't acting right, we understand everything because we are living it too,"

"Thanks guys, I will be sure to keep that in mind but I don't have anywhere to go,"

"Neither do I," Sam said with a laugh, I shook my head as I wrapped the sleeves of my sweatshirt around my hands as I let out a long yawn. "How have you been sleeping?" Mariah asked me, "Not sleeping," I responded, "I just watch Collin and pray for a miracle to strike down, to say the tests were all mixed up and that this is all a major joke,"

"I think we have all said the same exact thing, you just wish it wasn't your child." Sam said as she played with the edge of her lip to her coffee cup. "When my husband died, I always said that it was in my plans for it to happen and that I got to spend so many greats years being his girlfriend and his wife, I got to have a great child with him and we were happy. It was all in the plans. Yet, when Ryan was told he had leukemia, I laughed, I yelled at God, and I told him he was a son of a bitch," I looked at her as she shook her head, "I didn't understand how taking my husband from me and then making my child sick could be in the plans,"

She paused as all of us were quiet, "But I know it was there because I am stronger now, I know, I can face any damn thing they throw at me now because this…the oncology ward, is complete hell."

* * *

Collin laughed as he went down the slide, I smiled as he came running over towards me, I picked him up as I swung him around as his giggle grew louder, "I love you mommy," he said, I laughed as this was his first time outside in nearly a week. "I love you too Collin," he smiled as he went running back to the slide; I followed him as I ventured up and into the top part.

He giggled as he looked over his shoulder to see me. I laughed as I chased him through the jungle gym which I was clearly too tall for as I was ducking and falling at every point which caused a flurry of giggles from his mouth. I would do anything to keep that giggle in his mouth.

"I'm going to get you!" I yelled, he laughed as he went down the slide, he slipped off the end but he got up and ran, I smiled as I went down after him, I landed on my feet as I ran around the jungle gym and through the swings as his brown eyes grinned with excitement. A smile spread across my cheeks as I moved on way and he moved the other.

"Mommy!" he said, I looked at him as I turned my head, "What?"

"You can't catch me," he said with a giggle, I laughed, "I can too,"

"Nooo," he said with a shake of his head, I lunged for him as he shrieked, I caught his shirt but he slipped through my fingers. He giggled as he stood just out of my reach as I put my hands on my hips. His grin made my heart melt, as I didn't want to leave this moment. I didn't want him to suffer later as I let doctors poison his small body, I didn't want to let the doctors wipe the smile off of his face.

"Mommy,"

"Yes, Co?"

"I like Dr. Bolton," he said, "I'm glad bud,"

"Do you like Dr. Bolton?" I nodded my head as he was doing as he promised, he was taking the best care of my son because I had researched everything he was doing and it is what other doctors would do too. It was what he knew would work best. "Yes," I told him, he ran up to me, as he wanted to be picked up. "Are you tired?" I asked him, "Yes,"

"Do you want to go eat some chocolate pudding and take a nap?"

"No nap,"

"Yes nap,"

"No,"

"Yes," I said with a laugh, "No!" he protested, "I don't like naps, I am a big boy," I giggled as I walked into the air-conditioned hospital. "You are very much a big boy but you do still need naps,"

"Nooooo," I shook my head as we got onto the elevator, I let him press the button as the elevator doors closed. "Press eight," I told him, he did as told as he ran in a circle in the elevator. I shook my head as he was full of energy suddenly and it made me happy to see he wasn't in pain. Once the elevator doors opened he burst through them as I laughed, "Collin! No running!" he looked back at me with a grin as I shook my head.

He ran straight to Kale's room but was intercepted, Collin looked up at the pair of legs in front of him as he giggled, "Dr. Troy!" he said with a grin, I looked up as Dr. Troy had intercepted Collin from running straight into Kale's room. "What's up big man?" Collin giggled, "I got to go outside to play!"

"Did you?" Collin nodded his head, Dr. Troy squatted down to Collin's level as he looked at him, "Where is your mommy?" he turned around and pointed at me, I laughed as I waved, "Sorry about him running," Troy shook his head, "It was really no problem," Troy said, Collin itched the back of his head as I laughed, "You can go to Kale's room," I told him and his little legs moved faster as Troy moved out of the way.

Troy laughed, "He seems to have made friends,"

"Yes, Ryan and Kale seemed to have willingly accepted him into their little group."

"That's good," Dr. Troy looked over his shoulder as he then looked back at me, "How about midnight tonight we start chemo?" he said, I nodded, "That's fine,"

"It is better to normally start while they are sleeping." He told me, "It's not a problem," he hesitated as he looked back at Collin, who was sitting on the hospital bed with Kale as he was being prepared to get his chemo. "I'm going to go make sure he is okay,"

"Yea, yea, I'll be in to talk to you in a little bit," he said with a smile, "Thanks," he nodded as he went back behind the nurse's station and picked up the phone. I watched him intently as I shook my head walking into Kale's room. "Hey Kale," he smiled, "Hi Ms. Gabi,"

Mariah looked up with a smile, "Hey girl,"

"Hey,"

"How was the playground,"

"Awesome," I responded, "It was nice hearing him laugh and smile,"

"The playground does magically things," Mariah said with a smile, I nodded as Collin and Kale were talking about something, for being three Collin had a very large vocabulary and he knew how to hold a conversation pretty well. He laughed as Kale was waving his hands around; I tugged on my sleeves as I looked at Mariah, "How did the first one go for Kale?"

"It went okay," she said, "I wasn't prepared for it though, he got pretty damn sick on me and it is just scary as hell. You watch the chemo pour into his veins and you just want to rip the bag out and tell it to stop because it is the cause for making him feel like shit but it is also the thing that might just keep him alive until he is 89."

"Collin will be okay, he won't be the same boy that is sitting on that bed but he will be okay after the first couple of days. He might sleep a lot, he might throw up a lot, he is going to cry at times, and you are going to feel awful but you shouldn't. You should just be his mom and you should just hold him because who knows how much time any of us have on this earth."

"Thanks Mariah," I said softly, she nodded; she reached up to squeeze my shoulder. "My husband, Kelvin, is coming up for the evening to be with him. If you need me though, call me, you will have Sam right next door."

"Thank you for letting me be your friend,"

"Nobody should ever be alone through this. The more people you have, the bigger the army that helps protect all of these little boys who are going through shit." I smiled as I blinked away tears, "We aren't even a week into this friendship and I feel like you are one of the best friends I have found the entire time in my life." Mariah smiled, "I'm glad." She squeezed my shoulders as my eyes drifted to the nurse's station, Troy Bolton was leaning over the desk as he was scribbling something onto the paper, he switched sharpie colors and then he smiled.

This hospital floor was completely something else.

* * *

After Collin fell asleep on Kale's bed, I picked him up and rested his head onto my shoulder. I walked over to our room as I burst out into laughter; I turned around as Troy was typing on a computer with a smirk on his face. I shook my head as I passed the Hotel De Collin sign. I shook my head as I rested Collin into his spot on the bed. I tucked the blankets over the top of him as we had a couple of more hours until chemo started.

I brushed back his hair as I kissed his forehead. He hugged his pillow pet close to him, my hand played through his hair as I backed away from him. I walked out to the desk as Troy looked up, "Thank you for the laugh," I said, he smiled, "Anything I could do to help,"

"It felt great to laugh,"

"Well, you have a great laugh." I looked at him surprised and he cleared his throat, "I was actually just ordering Collin's chemo," I frowned, "So I will be back in a couple of more hours," I watched as he gathered his things to leave, "Troy, it's okay," I stated, he turned towards me, "It's _not_ okay," he breathed, "I'll see you later?" I nodded as he left behind the hallway.

My heart raced as I wondered why suddenly my heart raced and why that wasn't okay. My head spun in a circle as this week was becoming even weirder by the minute. The nurse looked up at me as if I needed something and I shook my head as I backed away.

I turned back to see Collin curled up and suddenly I had nobody. I ran my hands through my hair as I walked towards Sam's room. She was sitting in a chair as she scrolled through her Mac. "Hey," I said, she looked up as she was wearing glasses. Her eyes floated to Ryan and then back up to me. "Hey, you alright?" I nodded as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Yea, I just…have nobody to talk to and Collin is down for the count."

"Well I will certainly talk to you," she stood up and she put her Mac down. I wondered into the hallway as she smiled, "How is Collin doing?" she asked, "He is sleeping so probably pretty well, playing in his dreams without being heavily medicated." She smiled sadly, "Yea, chemo starts?"

"At midnight." I said, "I'm not sure what to expect,"

"You never do. Even with Ryan I could only expect so much out of the chemo. It is mostly different every single time." She looked at Ryan as my eyes looked at Collin. "I'm tired," I said, "And I can't sleep at night."

"Neither can I." she admitted, "I felt like I haven't slept in a couple of years, maybe since I had Ryan or maybe since I lost my husband. I don't know I feel like I haven't slept in what feels like years."

"I have slept but it has been a while, I'm a lawyer, I work on sleep," she laughed, "How did that work after Collin was born?"

"Collin slept until five in the morning," I said with a nod, "Never woke up once," Sam looked at me surprised, "Really?" I nodded, "My mom thought it was so strange because she stayed with me for the first two weeks and he woke up at five in the morning every time. I adjusted to motherhood so easily my mother said I was a natural. She told me she was in tears the first three days with me,"

Sam laughed, "I was in tears with Ryan too. You are just a freak of nature,"

"Or my baby was a freak," I paused as I didn't want to finish that sentence, "Collin is perfect," Sam interjected, I smiled, "Did you get dinner?" I asked her, "No, I haven't." she turned back to Ryan's room as I knew Collin was down for the count. "I think we can slip away to the cafeteria, want to ask Mariah?"

"Kelvin is here," I said trying to remember his name right, "Awh, yes, Mr. Kel,"

"Kel?" I asked as we walked up to the elevator, alerting the nurses to let us know if the boys needed us. "Yea, he doesn't really like Kelvin. So he will go by Kel or K," I nodded as she pressed the buttons on the elevator. I leaned back as I looked at Sam, "Can I ask you a personal question?"

She nodded her head, "How lonely does this get?" she let out a long sigh, "At nights when he is puking, it's pretty lonely. At nights when he is crying and kicking because he just doesn't feel good, it gets lonely. It gets lonely when you have nobody else to help you. I wish my husband was still around because maybe we wouldn't be so lonely in that room late at night."

I nodded my head as we got onto the elevator. We went down as we found food and stuff. We sat down as I chewed on my French fries, not actually hungry but I needed off the cancer floor.

"So did you grow up in Denver?" she asked, "No," I stated, "I grew up in Southern California," she rose an eyebrow, "You left the sunshine for this hell hole city?" I laughed and I nodded, "They offered me a fantastic job that I just couldn't turn down. Plus they were easy with pregnant women who just started." Sam smiled, "Well I am glad you are here because I enjoy talking,"

"I'm assuming you grew up in Denver?" she shook her head as she took a bite out of the sandwich she had gotten, "No, I actually grew up in Columbia, Missouri," I looked at her, "My husband was from Denver and let me tell you, this is a nice town compared to Columbia." I laughed, "Plus a better football team," I laughed as I pushed my plate away.

* * *

I paced nervously as the clock ticked closer to midnight. Collin was still passed out as I sat down in a chair as Dr. Bolton walked in, "Ms. Montez," a sudden wall had been shot up between us as I nodded stiffly, "Yea,"

He sighed as he had loads of paperwork in hand, "I need you to sign off on this before we get started," I nodded as he told me where to sign and flipped the pages. "We will get started shortly, here are the list of side effects of the treatment he will be receiving." I looked at the list as my stomach shrank.

 _Hair Loss_

 _Vomiting_

 _Nausea_

 _Mouth Sores_

 _Loss of Appetite_

 _Greater risk of infection_

 _Easy bleeding and bruising_

The list continued as I sat down, I shook my head and I tried to keep the tears in, "So you are telling me through a god damn piece of paper my child is going to feel like shit for the next five days?" Troy ran his hands through his hair, "I think you knew that already,"

"I'm sorry," I said suddenly, "I'm just tired, please ignore any of my stupid comments that might just fall out of my mouth." He nodded, "The nurses will be coming in with his chemo, I'm on the floor so if you need me please let one of the nurses know okay?"

My head stiffly nodded as he turned and left. My stomach shrank as tears poured down my cheeks; I wasn't ready for him to be a chemo patient. I wasn't ready. I just wasn't. I wanted more good days with him, I wanted him to smile and laugh like he did today. I lay down next to him as I pulled him onto my chest. I cried into his hair as he woke up, I felt bad as he looked at me, "Mommy what's wrong?" his brown eyes looked straight into mine as I bit on my lip. "Nothing sweetie,"

He wrapped his little arms around my neck as he squeezed my neck. "It's okay," I told him, "I'm okay,"

"I love you mommy," he whispered into my ear, "I love you too Collin," I kissed his temple as I hugged him close to me as I cried. Praying he would just fall asleep.

* * *

Troy's POV

I sat at the nurses station as I watched her cry for a couple of minutes until Collin woke up, he looked at her, hugged her, and she didn't let go for a while. I stopped the nurses from taking the chemo into the room because she wasn't ready for it yet. She wasn't ready to let go of him as he was buried into her chest. His port was accessible and I wasn't going to stop this. I already hurt her enough but calling her Ms. Montez.

My mind had spun when I told her she had a great laugh. It wasn't anything bad but I had never said that to another patients mother. I have heard great laughs before but something about it made me want to just say it because her laugh was great and I had only heard it a couple of times. The sign that I had put up was done for that purpose.

There wasn't a rule that we couldn't get involved with patients because it was a _law_. I was over eighteen and all of my patients were under eighteen. There wasn't a rule or a law about parents but then that would be getting emotionally involved because one of the things that attracts me to her is the love she has for her son. I have seen plenty of mothers walk through here with their kids but something about her and Collin. How she fought for him until she was heard. She wasn't giving up and it was empowering to see.

"Dr. Bolton, can we please take these in there now?" I hesitated and slowly nodded my head, "Be easy," I remarked, they nodded as I took off my lap coat. My stomach growled, as I hadn't eaten in a while. I pressed my lips together as I would probably puke if ate another piece of hospital food.

Pushing back, I watched as they rolled Collin over, I watched as Gabi was freaking out, and I watched as she held his hand doing the thing a mother would do.

* * *

Gabi's POV

I wasn't strong enough for this. I watched as Collin was rolled on to his side and he looked me in the eyes. It was early the next morning as his body looked pale and he was breathing through his mouth. "Here," I looked up as Troy walked into the room; I looked at the coffee in his hands as I looked at his eyes questioning. "You have been awake all night according to my nurses. I'm assuming you are in need of some coffee," I nodded numbly as Collin was tolerating his chemo well as of right now.

"I came to check on him," he said simply, Collin rolled onto his back as Troy smiled, "What's up big guy?" Collin shrugged as Troy frowned, "I'm sorry," Troy said softly, "I knew how much you liked seeing him happy and full of energy again," I could only manage a nod as I took a sip of coffee. It was bitter to my tongue as I cringed, "Crap, you don't take it black do you?"

I shook my head, "It's fine," I told him, "I'm sorry, I meant to grab,"

"It's fine Dr. Bolton," he looked at me and nodded, "Okay," he continued to exam Collin as he frowned a little bit as Collin then burst into tears. I stood up quickly and he turned reaching for me. He wrapped his arms around my neck as he screamed into my ear, "Shh…it's okay," Troy turned around as he began to talk with a nurse quietly and then he turned back towards me. "I'll be back in a few minutes,"

I didn't even nod as I just tried to calm down Collin. After about five minutes of crying, he began to vomit. I settled him down and I paged a nurse because I needed help. I felt useless as I looked at him, as he screamed wanting to be picked up again, "Collin, it's okay," I soothed, "It's okay," the nurse came in as she saw the situation and we began to move around each other without speaking. I stripped Collin of his shirt as we cleaned him off.

Dr. Troy walked back into the room as he noticed the situation and he came over. "Let me take him," he said, "And you go and change your shirt," I looked down at my puke covered shirt as I felt my stomach shrink because I wasn't sure I had another clean shirt. I was supposed to go and get more shirts.

I felt my nose fill with the stench of vomit as I nodded, Troy took Collin as Collin settled down a little bit as Troy talked to him, trying to calm him as I looked through my bag and I found a shirt that was dirty but it didn't look dirty and it was much better than the one that I had on which was covered in vomit. I slipped into the bathroom as I changed my shirt into a baggy t-shirt as I stepped out. Collin was more relaxed and not crying nearly as loud as he was resting on Troy's shoulder.

"See there is mommy," Troy said, I smiled as I reached up to brush some of his hair away. "Are you feeling alright?" Collin shook his head as he had been placed in another gown. "I can take him again,"

Troy nodded as he shifted him into my arms as he held on to Troy's jacket, "Bud, Dr. Bolton has other places to go," I told him, he cried as Troy picked up his hand, "Collin, how about I go do my rounds and some other stuff and then I will come back and we can do something okay?" he nodded as he let go and Troy gave him a high five.

"I'll be back, you get some rest okay?"

"Okay," he said, I kissed the top of his head as Troy went out into the hallway. I rubbed his back and as they had changed his sheets and his blanket had disappeared as I sat down on the bed as I wrapped him tighter towards me. It was barely seven in the morning as I leaned my head back and I was so tired.

My eyes collapsed close as Collin pressed against me. I wasn't strong enough for this.

* * *

I woke up as Collin was snuggled next to me, his eyes drooping and his blanket clutched close to him. I looked up as I tried to find a clock in the room, as it was at least afternoon because Collin was watching a movie. Movies only came on in the afternoon. My eyes buzzed around the room again as I landed on my phone, I reached for it as it was just a little bit after one.

I let my head fall backwards as Collin rubbed his eyes as I rubbed his back, "How are you feeling Co?" I asked, "I don't feel good mommy,"

"I'm sorry sweetie,"

"It's okay," he told me, "Dr. Troy came in here earlier and we were playing with my toys, I had to go get another picture taken," I looked down at him, "What?" Collin blinked as he looked at me, "I had another picture taken," he said with a calm sigh, "I didn't feel good during that either,"

I hoped out of the bed as my legs were shaking. I gripped the bed as I walked out as I went to the nurse's station. "Where is Dr. Bolton?" I demanded, the nurse looked up at me as she nodded, she rolled back and she called a phone, "He is coming," she said, I looked in at Collin as he was curled in a ball, his blanket was back as it was wrapped around him.

Troy walked out as he looked at me, "Did you request me?" he asked, "What is this picture he is talking of?" Troy sighed, "I made him promise he wouldn't tell you until I told you,"

"Why are you taking my son without me knowing,"

"You were _sleeping_ for the first time since you had been here. I was getting concerned about your sleep and your sanity,"

"Well my sanity is through the roof right now because you took my child for a scan so please, tell me, why the hell did my kid go for a scan without my consent,"

"Gabi calm down," Troy said, "Calm down? I wake up and find out you took my child for an unnecessary scan!"

"IT wasn't unnecessary," he said, I looked at him, "This morning during rounds I felt something in his stomach, I wasn't sure what it was because it was on the opposite side of his abdomen than his main tumor," I looked at him and he shook his head, "His scan revealed that one of his smaller tumors has grown more which concerns me but we have started chemo,"

"So you just took him?"

"No, you have signed off on papers and you were sleeping. We try to let you guys sleep on the oncology ward. He didn't go under because I made a deal with him that if he could stay very still for a couple of minutes then we could play a game of his choice and he did. He did well. If we would have had to put him under then I would have woken you up,"

I ran my hands through my hair as I felt tears pool in my eyes, "It's understandable that you are upset with me," he said, "But I wouldn't do it any other way. He deserves a rested mom and you weren't."

"You don't get a say," I snapped, Dr. Troy nodded, "Understood, next time I will wake you up."

"What if something would have happened?"

"It was an CT, a simple five minute scan, that got me the answers I was looking for," I buried my face into my hands as I couldn't process information anymore. I was tired, I was exhausted, and I didn't know how to move my feet in front of me anymore.

"Collin's next round of chemo starts in a couple of hours,"

The sob burst free as I wasn't even looking at him, "Gabi, are you okay?" I heard Mariah's voice as I looked up and she was concerned, "I'm sorry, I don't know, I'm just not strong enough for this," Mariah nodded as she came over and grabbed me into a hug. "It's okay," she said softly, "Come on, let's sit down," she guided me away from Dr. Bolton as she took me to her room where Kale was sleeping.

I tried to keep my tears from falling anymore as Mariah looked at me, "What happened?"

"I don't know, I woke up from a nap,"

"Dr. Bolton told me," she said, "That you were sleeping and if I could keep an eye on Collin,"

"Well I guess you know he took him to an CT without telling me,"

"He did, he was right not to wake you up for something so simple. They take Kale anymore without asking unless he is going under,"

"I know how simple it sounds but I freaked out and I know I shouldn't have but lately I have been regretting everything I say and I don't know how in the world I can do this," Mariah looked at me as she rubbed me back, "It's okay," she told me, "I have no idea how you are still keeping it together. If I was alone,"

"I don't want to be alone anymore," I said, I felt like I was gasping, "I can't be alone anymore," Mariah realized I was having a panic attack as she hugged me tightly, she didn't let go as my breathing calmed down and she squeezed me tighter. "You will not be alone," she paused, "Hang on,"

She got up as she rubbed my leg, "Sam and Ryan live alone in a small apartment, and you are both alone, why don't you guys move in together or something?" I looked at her, "We have known each other for a week,"

"And you are both going through a lot, you shouldn't live alone and neither should Sam."

"I'll call her later and maybe we can talk about something, I am just being silly,"

"You aren't," she corrected, "You are being a terrified mother,"

I hugged her as she squeezed me tightly, "You are strong Gabi, God gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers. You have been through a lot with Collin in the past six weeks, you have raised him alone, you are a lawyer, and you are strong. Don't doubt yourself." She whispered, I wiped away tears as I nodded, "I better go check on Collin,"

"I'll come check on you in a little bit," I thanked her and I walked back to Collin's room. The Hotel de Collin sign still pinning to the front of the room, I sighed as stepped into the room as Collin was sleeping again and I was suddenly was sunk into silence that I didn't want to be part of.

* * *

Sam appeared on the floor early Saturday morning as Collin had a very rough night with chemo. He was cranky and tired this morning as she came into my room, "Hey! How is chemo going?"

"The first night was okay, last night was harder," I said as I looked at Collin. He had a bucket next to him because he had already gotten sick a couple of times. "Well, Ryan has been asking and begging to come up here," I smiled as Ryan was tucked into Sam's arms. "Hey big guy," I smiled, Collin looked up as he smiled at Ryan, "Hi Collin!" Ryan said Sam let him down as they talked in their talk.

I smiled as Sam looked at me, "Mariah called me yesterday,"

"It was a bad night," I told her, "I'm okay,"

"Gabi, she is right," I looked up at her, "We are both single mothers going through pure hell. Why should we suffer alone when we could live together, I have been trying to find a roommate anyways because my apartment is too expensive for just me and it's a hell hole. I need a roommate and honest to God, I loved you from the first moment I saw you,"

I laughed, "I can't believe it has only been a week," I whispered, "It probably has been a crazy week,"

"It has and I just…" I looked at Collin and Ryan. "I hate how silent it gets and I don't want to be alone," I paused, "I have two rooms, I would have to move Collin into my room so you could have space,"

"You have two rooms?"

"Yes, and two bathrooms,"

"Hell, I choose your place,"

I laughed as she smiled, "Let me talk it over with my landlord and you with yours. There are just times you need extra hands and Collin and Ryan need somebody to play with when they both are contained to a house because they have low counts. They can play with each other and then we can sleep, I promise you, as long as you are okay with that I am okay,"

"How do you know I am not some weirdo?"

"Because, if you were you wouldn't be so dedicated to your son,"

I smiled as I went over and I hugged Sam, "Thank you Sam,"

* * *

Collin twisted in his bed as I pulled my legs close to me. I had already learned so much in the first week of _cancer_. I learned how horrible things could get so quickly; I learned how awful life could get so quickly. I learned that people care in this world and won't let you be alone.

I have learned a lot.

I have learned that strength comes in waves, at times you feel powerful and other times you feel like the wind could knock you over with a little push. This past week my strength was tested…big time. I knew that it would be tested further; I knew it would come and it would go but I have found support. I have found somebody who cared. I found people who will look out for me.

The longest week of my life had been full of tears and more tears. I couldn't think about cancer and not well up with tears thinking about how my little boy was fighting it with only one person on his side.

Deep into the night when Collin was fast asleep, I realized that we weren't alone. We had doctors fighting with us, we had Sam and Mariah, we had Kale and Ryan, we had nurses who were becoming attached to Collin and we were only one week and one day into this long fight ahead of us.

With three days of chemo behind us I looked at Collin and realized we were strong and that we could do this. He was still going to be my little boy, I was still going to hold his hand as he battled, and he was going to still tell me he loved me. He was still going to be my little guy.

We were going to be strong together. Nothing could tear us apart and as I watched him sleep, I kissed his forehead. Pushing away from the bed, I walked out as Dr. Bolton was sitting on the computer. My eyes looked at him, "I'm sorry," he looked up, "I overreacted yesterday,"

"I would have too," he said, "You aren't the first mom to do that to me but some how you are still the most passionate about your son," I tried to digest the comment as he scooted away from his desk. "Collin will most likely be discharged on Wednesday morning." He wrote something down, "Do you ever leave here?" I asked him, he glanced up and he shrugged, "Sometimes," he said, "Not always, I like to sleep in the break room to be close to patients."

"I have never seen a doctor more on this floor than you,"

"Well, I am the head," I looked at him as I nodded, "I see," Troy sighed, "Can I help you with something?" he asked, I bit my tongue, "Nope, I was just saying I'm sorry."

"It's alright," I disappeared as I sat down in the room. Strength came in waves and suddenly, talking with Dr. Bolton, my strength went up, my eyes watched him as he moved around the nurses station, signing charts, and doing a hundred different other things but every now and then, he would look up, glance in the room, catch me watching and turn back to whatever he was doing.

I couldn't wait to go home.

* * *

 **Happy Monday! I was super busy yesterday and just didn't have the time to edit and do all of that stuff. I am sorry! Thanks for understanding!**

 **Have a good week!**

 **Please Review!**


	4. Human

Chapter 4 – Human

" _You're only human. You don't have to have it together of every minute of everyday."_

You learn that you are human around the age of three. You are obviously human before that but before that you could be a monkey to your brain because a human and a monkey are basically the same exact thing. They both eat, they both sleep, and the both make funny noises. The moment you realize that you aren't the same as a monkey, you might feel sad.

You shouldn't though because you don't have a hairy ass. As you grow older though you realize that you can communicate different, you look different, you eat different things, but we are all harmed by the same things. We all get sad. Our DNA is so close to a monkey they're distant cousin that you are annoyed by.

People question things all of the time and they question _why us_. People always come to the conclusion of _why not us_ in the months after. I believe that it doesn't change but you are just sick of people doing things so you change your perspective of things. You still wonder why in the hell you had to be dealt this horrible thing and why it was your kid that was picked out of a random crowd.

Maybe there is a benefit some where along the way with this stupid thing but right now…the only benefit is that I have found friends and so has Collin. That's about the only thing that can come out of this without me losing my mind.

I just loved my son too much and well…Monkeys love too.

* * *

Gabi's POV

 _Wednesday, August 13_ _th_ _, 2014_

Collin curled up to me as we were home, in our apartment, in our bed. They released us late last night after agreeing to make sure he rested and for the fact that we would be back for clinics on Friday to check his counts and to check in with Dr. Bolton who wasn't there for our release.

Sam was supposed to come over later this afternoon because we had agreed that she would look at the apartment and she if she were interested. I had a feeling that Collin wasn't leaving my bed for a couple of months anyway. If all worked out we could upgrade to a three-bedroom apartment in another floor for not much more money and the boys could share a room with each other.

I ran my hand over Collin's hair as I wanted to run errands today but he had already puked once this morning. I kissed his forehead as I tried to focus on the quiet in the apartment but it was bugging me. After staying in the hospital I was used to the beeping of something, the intercom coming on paging a doctor, an alarm from down the hall, I was used to certain sounds.

Going to Wal-Mart was an overwhelming feeling that I couldn't even breathe when I walked in. There were so many people and I wanted to wash my hands a hundred times. I breathed as I sat up and I looked at Collin. Who rolled on to his back as I felt this was a perfect opportunity to take a shower. I stood up and gathered my things to take a shower.

Easing out of the bed I thought about sharing my apartment and my stomach sank because I barely knew Sam yet at the same time I knew Sam. I knew she was a good mother and I knew she trusted me. I knew we were doing several things and that it was probably better to not be alone. I couldn't be alone. My heart hammered in my chest as I turned the water on.

I slipped off my clothes, as it was the first morning I had woken up in my own bed. The first morning I didn't see a nurse before I had a chance to brush my teeth. It had been ten days in the hospital and I couldn't have been more relieved to come home but I was on complete edge. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react, what if something happened?

Washing and rinsing my hair and then I did it again because I just felt gross. My bar of soap slipped over my body and I rinsed, again, I washed, as I stood underneath of the water until my door clicked open. I peeked my head out of the shower curtain as Collin sat on the floor and he rubbed his eyes. "Hey bud," he looked up as I shut off the water. I pulled the towel into the shower as I dried off and wrapped it around me tightly.

Stepping out of the shower, Collin looked up at me as he rubbed his eyes. "Are you feeling okay, Collin?" he nodded his head as he stood up and wrapped his arms around my semi-wet leg. I squatted down as I looked into his brown eyes. My fingers ran through his hair as he sighed, "I want to play today,"

"What do you want to play?"

"I want to play with Kale and Ryan," he said, I smiled, "Ryan is coming over to play," he looked up, "Really?" I nodded my head, "Really," he grinned as he went running back to my bed, "Can we watch Scooby until then?" I smiled; "Sure," I turned on my TV as I flickered through the channels until I found the right channel. He giggled as I smiled, I watched him for a minute as he curled back underneath of my blankets.

I changed into a pair of jeans with a t-shirt. I brushed through my hair, washed my hands, and I then cleaned up the apartment a little bit. I felt restless because I didn't have a nurse telling me what do, how to do it, his central line would need to be take care of and he needed this and I needed a damn handbook.

How did you have fun with cancer?

My eyes fell onto Collin again as I wanted to take him out. Maybe we could go for a walk and around the area once Sam got here so she could see the area. I wasn't sure because I wasn't sure what he could possibly do.

Sighing, I picked up my phone and I called the number that he said I could call whenever I needed something. It rang twice and then a nurse picked up, "Hello?"

"Is Dr. Bolton around?"

"One second, he is with a patient," I nodded as they put me on hold as I forgot he actually had other patients. My eyes lingered on Collin as he was curled up underneath the blankets. He laughed as something funny must of actually happened as he sat up a little higher. His blanket was curled up around him as I smiled watching him.

"This is Dr. Bolton,"

"Dr. Bolton, Gabriella Montez, I'm sorry if this is horrible time,"

"No, no, it's fine, how are you Gabi?"

"I'm okay. I just…" I looked at Collin, "I don't know what we are allowed to do," I confessed, "Allowed to do?"

"Yea, as in…can we go places?"

"Well yea…" Troy stopped and then he sighed, "I would just keep him out of crowded places, places where he could get sick easily. In the next couple of days his white blood count is going to crash and he won't have an immune system. On Monday, when we run his labs, we will look to see where he is in his counts. If they are too low we may do a transfusion or give platelets, we could do a variety of things."

"Okay…"

"So Ms. Montez, you and Collin can rock the world right now as long as he is up for it. Rest is great right now,"

"So I can't really do anything wrong?"

"No, it's going to be good for him to get out of the house and to go back into a normal routine,"

"Is there such a thing as normal?" I asked, "Yes," Troy said, "Just it gets thrown off a lot,"

"No, it's not normal. His day care won't take him and I can't go back to work because somebody has to watch him,"

"Well…I suggest you find something to keep his life as normal as possible. Make a new routine,"

"Okay,"

"Okay, any other questions?"

"No, I'm sorry for calling you."

"Don't be sorry, I said you could call me when ever you had a question,"

"Thank you,"

"No problem Gabi,"

* * *

I opened the door as Sam and Ryan were standing on the other side; I smiled as she grabbed me in a hug. "How are you guys doing?" she asked, "Okay, trying to figure out what the hell to do. I have already done loads of laundry, cleaned, I mean this place isn't that big."

"Understood, you suddenly feel trapped?" I nodded as I tucked my hair behind my ear as I let her in. "Wow, this is a nice apartment." She said Collin came running out of my room as Ryan grinned, "Hi Collin!" Ryan said as he ran, "Come here," Collin took him into his room as I smiled, Sam grinned, "I like it Gabi,"

"Thank you, I had been thinking about how weird this actually is," I told her, "Only knowing each other for two weeks and bam we might be moving in together,"

"Well, look at it this way, I was looking for a roommate, I had interviewed people and they all couldn't handle that Ryan had cancer. You are here and you don't want to be alone, I don't want to be alone. It sucks being alone. So guess what, I talked to my landlord and I'm free from my contract in two weeks. I will move in, in two weeks."

I looked at her as she smiled, "Collin and Ryan love each other. We really can't separate them huh?" I looked at the two of them playing on the floor like normal little boys but what was actually normal? Was any of it normal?

"I think we should go out," I said, "Go to the park or something, it is a beautiful day," she smiled, "I think that is a great idea."

* * *

Collin and Ryan ran around the park as they were giggling and laughing. Sam and I were seated on the table as they were laughing; I smiled as I looked at Sam. "So Sam, I think we should ask each other a couple of questions,"

"Oh?"

"Yea…" I said with a nod, "What was your college major in?" I asked, she laughed, "Business, and you?"

"Lawyer, remember?" she laughed, "Alright true, I get another question,"

"Go for it,"

"Beer or wine?" she asked, I sighed, "Wine, I definitely enjoy my wine." She smiled softly and nodded, "Good, we can celebrate after the boys crash and burn. I can't believe Collin is doing this well one day post chemo." I nodded, "I know right? He puked this morning and has been complaining of a head ache." She grinned as I licked my lips.

"Beaches or mountains?"

"Beaches, hands down, I'm assuming beaches for you California girl," I laughed, "Yes ma'am,"

"Has Collin ever been to California?"

"No," I said, I paused, "Yes," I changed, "When my mom died,"

"So a long time ago,"

"Yea, that was the last time I was in California. I have nothing there anymore."

"Well I don't have anything in Columbia either, I mean, my parents are in Denver currently because of Ryan but that is a whole different story," I looked at her, "My parents and I don't really get along," she said with a heavy sigh, "They wanted me to move to Columbia after my husband died and when I didn't they got mad, they didn't speak to me again until I called them in tears saying Ryan had cancer."

My eyes scanned the playground as Collin and Ryan went down the slide quickly. "Gossip Girl or One Tree Hill?" I sucked in a breath, "How do I choose between Chuck Bass and Nathan Scott?" I asked, she laughed, "Touché,"

Collin and Ryan came bouncing over as Collin grinned, "Mommy! Mommy!" my heart raced at his words as I picked him up, "What?" I asked him as I settled him on to my lap, "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Look what I found!"

Collin opens his hand to reveal a bug, I screamed as I jumped up and Sam laughed. Sam began to laugh a lot. I breathed as I set Collin down, "Bud, we keep nature in the nature. You are going to let that bug go and we do not show mommy any other buggies okay?" he looked at me and then he nodded his head as he let the bug go. "Bye bye buggy," he said, I smiled, "That's my boy,"

"Mommy, I want Parks for dinner!"

"Bud, we have a couple of more hours until dinner," I said as I reached forward to adjust his shirt, his central line was pressed against his chest as he pouted, "But I want it!"

"I know you do," I told him, "We can still have it for dinner. Maybe I can go and get it while you and Ryan watch a movie together," I looked at Sam and she nodded her head as I smiled, "How does that sound?"

"Yay!" I smiled as he wrapped his arms around me, "Thank you mommy,"

"You're welcome baby boy," he smiled as he hugged me tighter, I smiled, "So we have a little bit longer, what do you want to do?"

"Nerf fight!" he called, I looked at Sam as she gave me a questioning eyebrow raise, I laughed, "We are going to have to teach Sam and Ryan," I said with a big smile, I picked him up as I flipped him over my shoulder, his giggles were loud as I smiled. I rocked him in my arms as he pulled on his central line, "Can I take it off mommy?"

My smile faltered, "No, baby, you have to keep it in," I said quietly, "Okay…" he paused, "Can I still have Parks for dinner?" I laughed and I nodded my head, "Yes, yes, I can certainly do that,"

Sam and I played with the boys for a big longer as they giggled and laughed all afternoon. I picked him up and I swung him around, as Sam and I were full of laughter as the boys were all so happy. "Maybe we could see if Mariah wants to come over?"

"It's date night," she told me as we were trying to catch our breaths after running around, the boys stopped as I could tell Collin was hurting a bit more. I went over as I picked him up and he rested his head onto my shoulder. Sam did the same thing as we started to walk back to the apartments. "So I'll run to the store and grab some stuff and then to Parks,"

"Sure, sounds fantastic!" I smiled softly and I rubbed Collin's back. "Thank you," I told her, "I really appreciate you moving into the apartment with me."

"Shit, I am so excited," I laughed, "I feel like I am back in college with a roommate,"

"Yes! College parties! I remember those…" I said with a sigh, "The easy days,"

"Yes, those easy days," Sam said, "Those days where you didn't have to be a parent and those days you didn't have to worry about your child puking, Y'know, those days," I smiled as I tucked Collin closer to me. I smiled as I rubbed his back; we arrived back to the apartment as we both went up the apartment stairs. Reaching the right floor, I stepped out and unlocked the door.

We both went into Collin's room as we laid both of the sleeping boys on to the bed as Sam put a blanket over the top of both of them. "Take as long as you need Gabi," she said looking up, "Get up and out of the apartment for a bit while they nap. I'll probably take a nap myself or even more so I will probably move everything around your bedroom to fit myself in tonight." I smiled as she hugged me, "You are already awesome,"

A smile pressed over my lips as I got up, "Thank you,"

I gathered my things and put my purse over my head, "I'll be back in a bit,"

"I'll text you our orders,"

"Thank you,"

"No, Thank you," I smiled as I walked out of the apartment, I went downstairs and I climbed into my car. I took a deep breath as I let my headrest against the back of the headrest.

Collin and I acted like normal humans today after two weeks of being non-human. It was about the most interesting thing ever.

* * *

After spending thirty minutes inside Target, I escaped as I drove to a little town outside of Denver as I went to grab Parks. I pulled into the parking lot and I slipped out of my car as I walked inside, my hair was on the top of my head, my shorts were in need to be pulled up, and my t-shirt was rising up. I tried to adjust myself as I walked through the door when I ran into the back of somebody.

"Oh God, I am so sorry,"

The man turned around and the only thing I saw was the pair of blue eyes. I looked at them as my breath was almost gone, "Oh," I said softly, he smiled, "Dr. Bolton," he laughed, "Not outside of the office, I'm just Troy outside of the office," he said, I nodded, "Hello," I said again as I smiled, "Are you getting Parks for Collin?"

"Yes, he asked for it and well I'm not one for denying after the past two weeks," he nodded, "How is he today?"

"Great, we spent the day at the park with Sam and Ryan." He smiled, "I'm assuming that is where he is now," I nodded, "Yes, I was let out of my apartment to go and do some stuff, to get out, to wonder around," he nodded as we moved up in line, "So that means you can join me for dinner?" I looked at him surprised, "As friends," he finished smoothly, "I mean, you don't have too because I assume you really want to get back to Collin,"

I paused, "No, it's okay. I can stay to eat a burger," he smiled, "Perfect," he stepped up to the counter as he looked at the menu. "Go ahead and order," he said, "What…you don't know my order?" he shook his head as I smiled, "I was a single cheeseburger with ketchup, pickles, onions, and lettuce," I spoke, Troy began to and I cut him off. "I will also need another single cheeseburger with ketchup, onion, mayo, and lettuce. Two orders of fries and two medium chocolate milk shakes," Troy looked at me amused as I reached for my wallet.

"Hell no, if you are able to come up here and sprout off my order than I think I should at least pay," I laughed, "No kidding," I joked with a smile, he shook his head as he paid, we took our number and went to sit down. I shot Sam a text telling her to let me know when I was needed and I would be right there. She replied with okay and that the boys were still sleeping.

I smiled as Troy sat down in front of me, "It's odd not seeing you in scrubs or a tie," I commented, he smiled as he looked down at his plain t-shirt and jeans. "Well, even doctors can't wear the same thing all of the time," I laughed and nodded, "I'm pretty sure you saw me in the same outfit for about four days," he laughed, "Well you were being super mom, that is a job that I could never handle."

"Oh really?"

"Oh yea…I really couldn't handle it," Troy admitted, I smiled as I played with my hands, "Yea, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle it either." Our food came and it caused a distraction as I stopped the guy, I asked if I could order more from here and he nodded so I went ahead and ordered the other three. He nodded as he left and Troy looked at me. "So tell me, the most interesting thing about you that I probably don't know?"

"You know the most interesting thing about me," I said, "You know Collin,"

"No, no, I want to know about _you,_ " he said, "I know Collin, sweetest kid, so he must be a damn good reflection of his mom." I smiled as I ate a French fry, "The only other place that he could be influenced is my office or his day care,"

"Is that all you guys do?"

"I work a lot and he spends a lot at day care, it happens,"

"I don't think I have ever heard what you actually do and if you told me, I completely forgot,"

"Well the first week in the hospital is a complete blur and the second was filled with tears so…blur," he smiled as I nodded, "I'm a family lawyer," he rose another eyebrow, "Damn girl," I smiled, "You are way more impressive than me, Dr. Bolton," he laughed, "Yea well, it wasn't my first choice,"

"What was your first choice?" I asked him, he swallowed his food as he looked at me for a moment, "A doctor was first choice but an _oncology_ doctor wasn't first choice," I raised an eyebrow, "And that is a story I am not going to get in here, I just figured it might be nice to see one of patients mothers not under a whole bunch of stress and if I didn't know you I would assume you had your head on straight," I shot him a look as he laughed, "I'm joking, you've had your head on straight the entire time."

A smile spread over my lips as he smiled, "Was lawyer your first choice?"

"No but it became mine. My dad was a lawyer and well it just kind of snowballed from there. One of those if you are getting great grades then you can handle law school and you can become the best lawyer. As I grew older lawyer seemed to be the only sensible thing to be as I was about the most comfortable in a courtroom," he smiled, "That's good,"

"It is and I am missing working,"

"Oh yea? Not going back?"

"It's kind of hard to have a child with cancer and trying to be in a court room. Judges really don't care what my schedule is."

"Huh, that's interesting."

"Yea, it is." I finished my food as I sucked on my milkshake for a couple of minutes. "What is the best part about being a lawyer?" Troy asked, I thought about it for a minute, "Justice," I replied, "I get mothers and fathers justice for what they deserve and that's there kids."

"And yours about the oncology ward?" I asked he took a breath as he played with his napkin, "Getting to see kids become healthy and happy again. When I get to tell them they are cancer free," I looked down at my napkin as Troy shifted; my other bag of food was brought to me. "I guess I better get going," I said after I paid for the food. "Yea, I better go too. I'm supposed to bring back food too,"

"Oh, a girlfriend?" I asked, he laughed, "No, my _mom_ ," he said with a wink, I felt heat rise around my cheeks as he laughed, "I'll see you Monday, Ms. Montez," I looked at him as he smiled, I shook my head as I got into my car.

Settling into the chair, I felt a gush of wind leave me. "What the hell was that?"

* * *

"You did what?" Sam exclaimed in a calm whispered, I took a sip of wine as my eyes lingered on Collin and Ryan who were whispering and giggling in the tent of blankets. I smiled, "I ran into him and I don't know, we some how ended up having dinner together."

"I knew you two had this tension between you guys,"

"He is hot!" I exclaimed, "But it can't be anything. He is Collin's doctor. We are just having a nice time at dinner,"

"Oh boo hoo, he isn't in any way your doctor,"

"He is my son's doctor, it makes it worse,"

"I say go along with it,"

"It would be nice to go along with it but I can't let him become our doctor and then we have a falling out and then we have to torture each other because we will see each other weekly. It is just not worth it if it is never going to work out," Sam gave me a look, "You won't even try?"

"Maybe after we are done with the cancer bullshit," I said with a wave of my hand, "And then maybe I will give it a try with one Mr. Hot Bolton," Sam laughed and nodded, "Okay, okay,"

"Momma!"

Collin looked up from underneath of the blanket, "Yes baby?"

"Tickle!"

I set down my wine glass, "Tickles?"

"Yes!"

I laughed as I went over and I sat down on the bed, he curled up as he gave me a side glance, my fingers went to his stomach as he laughed and I tickled him, he giggled louder as I tickled him more. He laughed as Sam walked over, "I think I can get in on this action!"

Ryan laughed as she began to tickle him as we had two laughing boys. I laughed as Collin shook his head, "No more," he said, "No more," I laughed as Collin was gasping for his breath. I smiled as I lifted my fingers. He took a big breath as his brown eyes were sparkling, I laughed as he smiled, "I love tickles," he said, Ryan giggled as Sam sat back on her knees.

"Tickles are fun," Sam said, a smile spread over my lips, "Co, are you about ready for bed?"

"No momma,"

"No?" I said, he laughed, "No, I am not ready for bed."

I shook my head as I wrapped him up in a hug. "Too bad, Ryan and Sam have to go home,"

"Ryan stay!"

I looked at Sam, "It is fine with me if Ryan stays, it's up to you,"

Sam looked at Ryan, "Are you alright with staying?" Ryan grinned, "Please mommy!"

"Yes sir, you are granted a night at the Montez casa," I smiled as I squeezed her hand, she smiled, "I'll gather up my things," she said softly, I nodded as I followed her, "Anything I should know?" I asked sudden nerves shot through me because one cancer kid made me nervous as hell but two? Sam gave me a big smile, "Ryan is going to be perfectly fine. He needs some meds and I have them in my car so I can give them to him before I leave." I nodded, "I mean,"

"Gabi, both of these boys are going to crash hard tonight, you need to have another glass of wine and crash right along with them. If Ryan needs something, he will wake you up and you can call me. Do not hesitate." I smiled, "Okay,"

She went down to her car and Collin took a couple of different meds and I did the same with Collin. We changed them into pajamas and I hugged Sam, "I will be here around nine in the morning okay?"

"Yes, thank you."

"No, thank you," I shut the door and the boys went back to playing. I watched them for about ten more minutes, took another glass of wine and I took a couple of sips. I then went to change into my pajamas, brushed my teeth and put my hair up on the top of my head. I put in a call into the law firm to see what was going on with one of my cases but nothing was new because nobody cared nearly as much about this case than me.

Going back out into the living room, the boys were rubbing their eyes and I went over to pick up Collin. "Are you boys ready for bed?" they both nodded and I took them into Collin's room tucking them each into bed. I kissed both of their foreheads and I smiled, "If either of you need me come get me in my bedroom okay?" they both nodded their heads and I kissed their cheeks again. "Sweet dreams,"

* * *

 _Friday, August 16_ _th_ _, 2014_

"His counts are good," the nurse, said with a smile, Collin was itching his foot as we were three days post chemo. "Dr. Bolton said that his WBC would fall a couple of days after chemo. I mean it has been a couple of days and I'm scared to take him anywhere."

The nurse smiled, "Dr. Bolton will be in here soon,"

I nodded my head not sure what to think of clinic days. They drew blood from his central line, then they went to run counts, his central line was messed with and they even flushed it for me, all vitals were taken and we had to report all of his symptoms. I took a look over at Collin who was sitting up, he itched to move around more as he had a lot of his energy right now and I loved seeing that. The door opened and Dr. Bolton appeared in a pair of black slacks with a blue button up.

He smiled, "How are some of my favorite patients today?" Collin grinned, "Dr. Bolton!" he stood up on the table and Troy put the chart on the counter. "You look pretty good," Troy said almost amazed, "It's been a good couple of days," I said softly, he turned to look at me with a smile, "Good, nothing wrong?"

"He puked twice but he has been pretty active, eating pretty normally, sleeping well, nothing too much." Troy nodded and he grasped Collin's hand. "How are you bud?" he gave a big grin, "Good! Ryan is going to be my roommate!"

"Oh yea? Are you going to share a bed?" he asked, "I don't know," he mumbled his words and I smiled, "No, they will not be sharing beds."

Troy pressed around on his belly for a moment and he then washed his hands, "He looks well Gabi, he is acting like he feels well, I think he is doing well." I nodded, "So I am not completely hurting my child?" he smiled, "No, not at all. You are doing everything right. How are you doing?" he asked, he made notes in his chart, "I'm doing fine. Happy that Sam is going to be moving in."

"I think that is a great idea. You two hit it off pretty well."

"Yes, we did and I am glad because this is something you can't do alone."

"No, you can't."

Collin giggled, "Dr. Bolton, can we play?"

"Play? No, you want to go home right?"

"But I want to play with you!"

"Maybe another time," he said with a smile, Collin sighed and I turned my head. "He never gets male attention," I said quietly, "You are new and a male to him."

"Understood, I just have a job or honestly I would play all day."

"Co, do you want to go and get some food?"

"Parks?"

"No. We had Parks two days ago, how about something else?"

"I want Parks!"

Troy chuckled, "I will see you next week." He said, he walked out of the room and Collin had his midafternoon meltdown. I picked him up and he buried his head into my shoulder. He was tired, exhausted, and most likely hungry. "Do you want to eat some mac and cheese?"

He nodded his head into my head and I got him into the car. He wiped his eyes, he buckled himself in and I kissed the top of his head. "I love you Co,"

"I love you too Mommy,"

* * *

I swirled my wine in my glass and I watched Collin sleep. Sleep had become impossible lately. I would lie in bed and I would look up at the ceiling and would lie awake wondering what I could be doing to save my sons life. Sleeping wasn't one of them so I laid awake and thought about everything. I thought about chemo that was poisoning my child, I thought about how he was slowly being over taken by cancer cells, I thought about how much pain he might be in, I thought about so much stuff that I had a headache in the morning.

Sleep just wasn't happening. Collin twitched in his bed and rolled onto his stomach for him to wake up because his central line hurt to lie on. He rolled back onto his back and fell asleep. I took another sip of my wine and moved to the living room shutting Collin's door. I pulled out my laptop and I rolled around looking for a song to listen to when Human By Christina Perri. I played it and I hadn't listened to this song in a couple of months, maybe a year.

I couldn't really recall any of the lyrics. The music wafted out through the speakers and I felt myself hold my breath. The lyrics poured out of the laptop and I gripped my wine glass a little harder. It was okay to be human. It was okay to cry and scream and to yell at God for giving you this difficult card but you had to pick yourself up and keep moving.

Collin and I were going to keep moving.

" _I can do it…. but I'm only human. I bleed when I fall down but I am only human."_

The words circled in my head because Collin and I would collapse flat on our faces at one point but we will get back up. I was not going to let _cancer_ win this battle. I am human; I am stronger than a thing of cancer. I am not going to let it hurt my child. I am not going to do it. I am not going to give up.

I will never give up because as a human, you learn to keep pushing through the pain you might feel and you keep going through every single pain.

 _I can take so much, till I've had enough, cause I'm only human._

We will be okay.

* * *

 **Happy Sunday guys! I hope you enjoyed the update!**

 **I just got home from St. Louis with a weekend of baseball (No worries. I didn't see those red birds play ;)**

 **Hope you guys have a great week!**

 **Xx – Jo**

 **Please Review!**


	5. Crisis

Chapter 5 – Crisis

" _Love is your rock in a crisis…"_

Crises exist in every aspect of the day. Oh no I left my wallet at home…crisis. Your kid is sick and you are in the middle of a big court case…crisis. You are in the middle of doing a big paper for school the next day and the power goes out…crisis. Yet what is the meaning of crisis?

 _Cri – sis (n.) a time of intense, difficult, or danger_

Intense, difficult, and danger, all of the three things above were not really intense, difficult, or dangerous. They might be anger filled, terrified, and procrastination. Why do we define things of a crisis when they aren't actually intense, difficult, or dangerous? Why can't we just use other words to describe the moment? Accident. Emergency. Procrastination. Those are the right words and then suddenly you actually have a _crisis._

Yet in that moment you don't even think of the word crisis you think of emergency, accident, horror, and every other word that could be described as anything but crisis. When the moment comes everything seems to fall out of your mind. _Intense._

You look at the situation and you think that everything suddenly came crashing down to the earth and you can't find your breath. _Difficult._

The blood is pouring out of places that you never knew held that much blood. You don't know what to do, you don't know how to move or think of the next step. You don't know how much blood a three-year old can have in his entire body, how much can pour out, how fast can it come? _Dangerous._

All of these emotions came fast and quick, they are rapid fire and suddenly you are standing in the last place you thought you would be at the beginning of the day. Your cheeks soaked with tears and nobody to call.

* * *

 _Saturday, August 30_ _th_ _, 2014_

 _Gabi's POV_

"Collin, eat your food." He protested and turned his head away, I sighed, "Collin," he shook his head again and his eyes glued to the TV. "Collin," my voice louder, firmer, he shook his head and I groaned, "Collin!"

"No!" he yelled back, his face red, "Collin Thomas," I said, he shook his head and he lay down. He had been testing my patience a lot in the last two weeks with his words and actions. He had been pretty tired the last week and this week he wouldn't eat and he was fussy. I picked him up and he kicked against me, his cries pouring out. I turned the TV off and I sat down with him because my exhaustion level hit another high.

He hugged me tightly because he was also tired. He wasn't sleeping well right now and he cried into my chest. I ran my hands through his hair and I felt my body choke up on everything as a clump of his hair came out in my hand. I couldn't breathe.

Nothing in me would breath for the life of me because I was holding a huge chunk of my son's hair in his hands. Chemo had gotten to his beautiful hair. I started to cry and Collin was still wrapped around me crying. "Oh Co," I whispered, I tried not to cry any harder because Collin didn't need me to cry. I shouldn't be crying over a couple of lost pieces of hair but it finally made it seem like it was truly here. He truly had cancer. He truly had chemo running through his system. It had been two weeks since his chemo and Sam was moving in to our apartment in three days.

It was overwhelming and I kissed the top of Collin's head because he was going to need a haircut soon. I didn't want to be reminded with every little hair that he had cancer. I just wanted the hair to be gone, his long beautiful hair. I moved him off my lap and I turned the TV back on.

He had been doing well with his clinic appointments and his flushing of the port. The last time we got our counts checked his platelets had dropped. They were concerned and I was told to keep an extra eye on him. I went to the phone and I picked it up to call Mariah. It rang twice and she answered, "Hi!"

"Hey!" I said, "Are you okay?" she asked, I sighed, "Collin's hair is falling out."

"Oh Gabs,"

"It's okay, I just, I need to know where I can get this taken care of because I don't want to have hair laying around my house reminding me that he has cancer and that he is losing all of this hair."

"We did the same thing. How about I come over and we take Collin out for a little field trip today to get his hair cut off and to buy him his first hat." I smiled wiping away a tear, "That sounds good."

"Good. I will be over in about an hour okay?"

"Thank you Mariah."

"Of course Gabi,"

I hung up and I turned around to look at Collin. He was rubbing his eyes, his eyes looking at the TV. "Collin, do you want to get a hair cut today?"

"No,"

"Co, come on, we can go find you a new Broncos hat," I said, hoping he would buy the bait. "I want to play with Kale and Ryan," he said, his eyes halfway shut. I gave up the fight and put on a pair of jeans with a clean long sleeve shirt. The end of August was upon us and football had started up. Collin loved to watch football and he loved to root on the Denver Broncos. I cleaned up the kitchen and the living room of the apartment.

I was slowly moving Collin out of his room into my room. I took his bed apart and all of his clothes were moved into my bedroom. His toys were still in there and he was getting used to sleeping in my bed with me every single night. We would cuddle every morning as I held on to him. I kissed the top of his head and I picked him up. "Come on bud,"

"No!" he cried, I shut the TV off and put his tennis shoes on. He cried and hit me but I let him because he probably didn't feel good and what could I do? Picking him up, I let him cry it out and when I heard the door, I opened it up to reveal Kale and Mariah. I smiled, "Hi Mariah, hi Kale," Collin looked over my shoulder and he twisted in my arms. He looked at Kale and he wiped at his eyes and I set him down.

He took Kale into his room and Mariah gave me a hug, "How is he doing?"

"I don't think he feels good today. He is fussy, doesn't want to eat, and tired." I said with a sigh, "Yea, he looks a little sluggish but I have a friend who did Kale's hair, it won't take long so are you up for it?" I nodded my head and we called the boys. I grabbed my purse and I picked up Collin. Kale held his mom's hand while we went down to the car. I got Collin situated in his car seat that we had to put into Mariah's car and I went to the other side of the car.

Getting in, I looked back at Collin who was happy to be with Kale most likely. Mariah turned to give me a smile, "He is having his next chemo in two weeks and I feel like the first one is really hitting," she sighed and turned onto a different street, "Yes, I understand the feeling but he is going to be okay."

"I know he will be okay but will I be okay?"

"I'm okay." She told me, "And you will be okay because you have us."

I couldn't muster a smile over towards her and she squeezed my shoulder, "You do know you look like hell," Mariah said, I sighed, "I haven't slept in three and half weeks," I said quietly, "I lay awake every night and I can't sleep."

"You need some sleep, would you care if I took Collin tonight?"

"He isn't feeling well,"

"No but neither is Kale, he is acting about the same way. You need some rest." She said softly, "I can't sleep even if Collin isn't in my house because then I just sit up all night and worry about him. So I research all night and I think Troy is getting pissy with me because I second-guess everything in our last two visits to clinic. I am becoming his least favorite patient."

She pulled up to a house and she looked over at me. The car was in park and the boys were chatting away. "You can't do this to yourself."

"I have nothing else to do. My bosses don't think I can work one case right now which would take my mind off of a lot of things but,"

"You shouldn't be working because you are focused on Collin's cancer,"

"Because I have nothing else to focus on and it's driving me crazy."

"It will eat you," she warned, "It will eat you to the point of no return so take a step back, tonight I am going to take Collin with me to my house. I am going to pick up Ryan and send Sam and myself over to your house. We are going to get you drunk and give you a nice sleeping pill and send you to bed for the evening. Sam will stay the night with you and then I will bring Collin back over the next morning. You deserve some rest even if you do get drunk first."

I pressed my lips together, "Can I at least think about this?" I asked her; she shook her head, "Not really. I will let you process it but you should really consider this. You really should. Sam did the same thing to me."

"Okay," I said softly, "Okay."

She gave a smile, "Good, now, let's go make Collin hot." I let out a breathy laugh, we got the kids out and Mariah knocked on the door. After a couple of minutes a women about our age answered the door. "Mariah!" she said, Mariah smiled, "How are you Nicki?" she shrugged, "I have had better days." Mariah turned and gave me a smile, "Nicki, I would love for you to meet my new friend Gabi and her son Collin," Nicki gave me a bigger smile and then a hug, "I am so sorry for what you were thrown into."

"Thank you,"

"Come," she pulled me into the house and she was spinning around doing different things. Collin was seated in a chair playing with something, I sat in front of him and Mariah went into the kitchen while Kale played. I looked around seeing pictures of a little girl, her smile big and contagious that made you want to smile. My eyes looked around trying to find traces of this little girl but there wasn't any. There wasn't single toy, a book, a crayon, there wasn't anything. My gut dropped and Nicki gave me a big smile.

How was she even smiling?

"How about one more picture of you two," I nodded in agreement and I pulled Collin into my arms. He smiled and I kissed his cheek, "Come on, and give Mariah give a big smile." I whispered into his ear, he giggled and I faced the camera and gave a smile. Mariah smiled and so did Nicki. "Beautiful," she said, I put Collin back in his chair and they started the buzzer. Mariah gave me a hug, I watched Nicki begin to shave his beautiful hair.

We had taken some more pictures of him before we did but it was a lot easier than I thought. "Just think, this medicine is making him better," Mariah said, "It might make him feel like shit but it is making him better." I nodded with wiped away a tear as he smiled, once he was bald he looked up at me with a big grin. "Mommy! All of my hair is gone!"

I went over and I kissed the top of his head, "Yea, buddy it is,"

"It's not itchy now,"

"Yea, it's not itchy,"

"Can Kale and I go play some more?" I nodded and Nicki smiled, "Strong boy,"

"Thank you," I nodded, Mariah cleared her throat softly, "and Sam introduced me to Nicki when Kale lost his hair,"

"Thank you for doing that for me," I told her, "No, I enjoy doing it. I honestly do. I get to see these kids happy because chemo isn't that bad right now."

"You went through it all?" I asked, my voice cautious, Nicki gave me a sad smile, "Unfortunately," she shook her head, "I'm sorry, I should have never said anything." I told her, "No, it's okay, honestly. I hope everything goes well with Collin's treatments." She stepped out and we gathered up the kids and put them into the car. The car ride was silent on the way home and I felt my stomach doing flip-flops. Her kid had _died_ from _cancer_ and she spent all of her time with them cutting off their hair.

Tears welled up in my eyes thinking about such possibilities.

"Her daughter, Ava, was five years old when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was inoperable. They did chemo, radiation, a couple of trials that they got enrolled in to prolong her life. She lived till she was seven. When she died I had already known them and it was a very sad time to hear of her loss. Ava was a very sweet girl and it tore right through Nicki. She laid her little girl to rest and her husband couldn't handle it. They divorced last year."

"I thought Kale hasn't been in chemo that long?"

"I guess I was wrong when I introduced you, Nicki worked in the same office I did. I didn't personally know her but hearing of her death still was heartbreaking because that was Nicki's life was Ava. Then I heard of their divorce because Carson couldn't handle it anymore. He wanted his daughter back and so did Nicki. It was tough. Then Kale got his diagnosis, he was losing his hair, and Sam told me to go to her. I didn't put two and two together until she opened the door."

Wiping away a tear, I looked outside the car window. "How does she do it?" I whispered softly, "She wants to make a difference. When she lost Ava's hair it was a big deal to her and she didn't want to do it at the salon because she didn't want everybody staring. So she did it herself and she has become known to do it on the cancer floor to shave off kids hair."

"The death still hurts her,"

"I figured," I said quietly, "I didn't mean to say the wrong thing."

"You didn't." she told me, "That's normally how she is now. She doesn't talk long and if you ever need her go to the house. She is normally up for a visitor but it's been a hard road for her."

Kale and Collin were chatting up a storm and my eyes gazed over both of them and their baldheads.

* * *

I swirled my wine around in the glass, the four other glasses setting in and I looked up at Sam. "You rock." She laughed, "You're drunk."

"Wasn't that your master plan?" I asked her, Mariah leaned forward, "It was indeed,"

"I won't sleep," I whispered, "I'm haunted in my dreams by cancer." Sam sighed, "She is a hopeless cause Mariah,"

"That seems to cause for the Vodka because the wine isn't working," I perked up, "Vodka?" Sam laughed, "Alright, you never told me you liked Vodka." I finished my wine and a glass of Vodka was slid in front of me. I downed it quickly, grimaced, and then took a deep breath. "Is Collin okay?" I asked, Mariah sighed, "Collin is fast asleep, the boys played all night." I laid my head down and then I looked up, "You guys, I don't like being drunk."

"You are a lawyer, if I remember right you guys love the booze." Mariah said sitting next to me, "A shot before a big case is one thing but I am _drunk._ " They both laughed and I stood up, I wobbled on my feet for a moment and then I went to grab a book off the TV stand. I sat down on the ground and I flipped it open. "He was so little," I whispered, my fingers traced the infant body of Collin in the picture. Sam sat down next to me and she leaned against me. Her head resting on my shoulder and Mariah sighed on the other side.

"He was little,"

"He was a week early because of some distress or something, I barely remember but he came out screaming and healthy." I pulled my legs up closer to me and I flipped through the pages looking at all of his pictures. "I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore." I said quietly, "That I would pick myself up and that I would be _okay_. Collin has a fighting chance at beating this stupid cancer. I shouldn't be crying over stupid baby pictures. He is going to _win_ this fight,"

Sam rubbed my back, "That's the attitude but it is okay to cry because this is stressful,"

"Collin needs me to be strong, I am the only other person he has."

"He has us," Sam said, "Yea, I mean, we are all going to have our days and we will lean on each other when it's needed."

"I love you guys," I slurred, all of the alcohol catching up to me. I yawned and Mariah helped me up. She guided me to my bedroom and Sam was close behind. Lying down in the bed, they pulled the covers up and I was handed a glass of wine and a pill. "Don't say anything, just do it,"

I didn't disobey; I just took the pill and rested my head down on the pillow. I felt like my body was being pinned down onto the bed. "Collin is okay right?" I whispered, "Yes, now get some rest."

* * *

 _Sunday, August 31_ _st_ _, 2014_

I opened my eyes and I felt my tongue that was numb, my lips were pasty, and my eyes were crusted over. I slept. I pushed up off the bed and I took a big deep breath. "Sam?" I choked; my throat was sore and exhausted. My head was pounding with a headache and I felt like I was swimming.

"Look who is finally awake," she smiled and handed over a cup of coffee and Advil. "You snore," she commented sitting down next to me, "Only after you give me a sedative," I mumbled, I took the pill and swallowed it with a mouth full of coffee. "But you slept and you look a hell of a lot better."

"I feel like shit."

"That's the hangover."

"No shit," she laughed and leaned against me, "Collin woke up feeling not so hot, Mariah said he is just laying around. So whenever you are ready for him to come over let me know."

"I am going to shower, put food in my stomach, and then I will be ready for him to come home to spend the evening watching movies with him,"

"Sounds good."

I quietly finished my coffee while I watched the news for the first time in weeks. I was getting caught up about the bombings in a foreign country, a famous celebrity who died, about a crisis in Europe of the Royals. It was all nonsense; non-important to the world I was currently living in. The worlds that revolved around my kid and should only revolve around my kid. I took a deep breath and forced myself off the bed.

Getting into the shower was easy but getting out of the shower was harder. My eyes were heavy and I just wanted to sleep some more but I did feel a sense of refresh in my life. I did get some solid hours of sleep, probably twelve or more. I let the water run over me and then I shut off the water. I wrapped my fluffy towel around me and I smelled food cooking in my apartment. I pulled on a pair of leggings and a long sleeve shirt that covered my butt and walked into the kitchen.

"Smells good," I said, "Indeed it does,"

My phone rang and I reached over, "Hello?"

"Hey Gabs, I don't want to alarm you or anything," Mariah started, "But Collin completely has done a 180 since you have seen him yesterday. He keeps asking for you so do you mind if I bring him over now?"

"Oh my please, yes, right now."

"Good, we are almost there anyways,"

"Thank you Mariah,"

"No problem, we will be up in a minute."

Sam sighed, "He is what two weeks past chemo?" I nodded, "His levels probably bottomed out on him." I sighed and rubbed my forehead. She slid a plate of food in front of me and I ate it all. I was so hungry. The door opened up, Kale, Ryan, and Mariah all came in. Collin was in her arms and he looked terrible. I pushed off the counter and I went over to pick him up. He cried and I kissed the top of his baldhead. "What's up big guy?"

"I don't feel good," he said quietly, I nodded and I went into my room and I sat down. I flipped through the TV until I found what I was looking for. I turned on a movie and he rested in the bed, he was pale, exhausted, and worn out.

Going back out, I thanked Mariah again and she smiled. Sam gave me a big grin, "I will be moving in with you tomorrow!" she declared, she wrapped me tightly in her arms. "Good, I need somebody else here who can help me rule out Scooby-Doo." Mariah and Sam laughed, "I think we should get two votes as mothers anyways." I smirked and nodded, I thanked them both for last night and they collected each of their toddlers and left.

I cleaned up the kitchen and I then went to cuddle with Collin. He curled into me and he was in and out of sleep for most of the afternoon. We watched a couple of movies and I tried to get him to eat at several different times. He never would take a bite and refused. He would then fall back asleep and I would finish watching the movie we had started. This went on for several hours into the evening. The sun had disappeared and I watched him sleep.

At one point he sat up and blood started to trickle out of his nose. Shit. Troy warned me about this. I got up and grabbed a tissue, I pinched his nose and it kept bleeding. He started to cry and I transported him to the bathroom. I sat him down onto the tile floors and grabbed another tissue to replace the extremely bloody one.

His sobs made everything worse but it slowly stopped. I had gone through plenty of tissues and tossed them all into the trash. I cleaned him up and I laid him back down in the bed. He rubbed his eyes and fell asleep again. I watched him sleep for about ten minutes when the blood started to gush out. I picked him up and he was crying again, I sat him down and tried to get the blood to stop. I used tissue after tissue, my fingers were become tender from holding it pressed, Collin looked like a ghost and his eyes fell.

I reached for my phone trying to keep it in place and I called Sam. It rang and rang. Voicemail.

I called Mariah. It rang and rang. Voicemail.

I called the Oncology On-call doctor. It rang and rang. Voicemail. Frustration built up in my system. Collin looked like he was going to pass out at any moment and the blood wasn't even trying to stop. I picked up my phone again and I called Sam. She didn't answer again either. I called Mariah and I kept calling each of them. I couldn't do this part by myself.

Collin leaned against me and I called Mariah again – she finally answered.

"Gabi, is everything okay?"

"Collin's nose won't stop bleeding, it has been bleeding for almost thirty five minutes not counting the fifteen minutes before that when I got it too stop for a while. He looks like he is going to pass out and,"

"Okay, I am on my way over. We will take him to the ER. Make sure the on-call doctor knows we are coming."

"Okay," I responded, I then picked up the phone. I called the on call doctor again and he picked up. "Dr. James,"

"Hi, Dr. James, my son, Collin Montez, who had chemo two weeks ago is having a constant nose bleed. It bled for about fifteen minutes and I got it to stop for about fifteen minutes. It started up again and it hasn't stopped. That was about thirty five minutes ago and he looks like he is about to pass out."

"You need to bring him into the ER ASAP," he responded, "My friend is on her way over to help us."

"Good. Just keep pinching it and I will meet you guys down in the ER."

"Thank you,"

I hung up and Mariah burst through the door five minutes later. She helped me pick up Collin and we got him into my car so we didn't ruin hers. He was wrapped in a blanket and I kept pinching his nose, she drove to the children's hospital and when she pulled up to the ER I got up taking him inside. The nurses noticed me and then they moved quickly to meet me, "This way Mrs. Montez," Collin was leaning against me and I kissed the top of his head. The nurses took over for me trying to stop the bleeding while I settled him on my lap.

His hand played with my jacket. Mariah came back and I smiled, "Thank you, you don't have to stay."

"I'm staying." She said softly, I nodded and she sat down in the corner. Collin whimpered slightly, "We are going to try Saline spray to get this to stop," I nodded and they prepped everything. Collin was patient and handled it like a champ. The nose shortly stopped bleeding and I thanked Jesus. The nurses wiped him down and then they were accessing his central line. He cried because he hated when people accessed his central line.

"Collin," the nurse said softly, he shook his head and he turned away from them. His bloody nose spreading across my stuff, I didn't care, and I just hugged him. "You have to let them take care of you Co,"

"I want Dr. Troy to do it," he whimpered, I looked at the nurse who shook her head letting me know that he wasn't in. "If you let Cindy do this then we can go and get a new toy," I bribed, I swore when I found out I was pregnant that I would never bribe my child. I no longer was ever going to say those words again.

He nodded his head and he cried when they started, I held him down and they had gotten the blood out of his port when the blood started to gush all over again. I wanted to cry right along with Collin. The nurses took control again and they sent the labs off. A doctor came into the room and he took a look at the chaos and I knew in that moment that we were staying the night at the hospital.

* * *

Troy's POV

I laughed with my date. A date that my friend had set me up with but I wasn't really feeling anything. She gave a warm smile and took a sip of the wine. "You are pretty awesome Dr. Bolton," I shrugged my shoulders, "I do what I do. You are pretty cool, I mean, a journalist?"

"A lot of people don't like me. They think I am nosey," I laughed, "I could see it,"

My cell phone went off, the only calls I were accepting were ones from the hospital. I picked up my phone and I looked at it, "It's my work,"

"Go save a life," she said, I laughed and got up from the table. I walked across the room and out the front doors before answering. "Dr. Bolton,"

"Troy, it's Thompson,"

"Everything okay?"

"Your new case, Montez," my ears peeked quickly at the name, "Came into the ER tonight. Nose bleed that won't stop. We are running his labs right now but I figured you would want to know." I sighed, "Yea, I will be in soon."

"I can take care of it." He said, "I am his doctor. I will be in; in about twenty minutes."

Returning to the table, I gave a smile to the girl. "I'm sorry, one of my patients is having some issues. I need to go. I had fun on the date," I picked up my jacket and she nodded, "Thanks for the time,"

"It was great meeting you,"

I hugged her, turned, and left. I didn't plan to see her again.

* * *

Gabi's POV

After another hour, they finally got the bleeding to stop for longer than five minutes. We were admitted into the eighth floor while we waited for results. He was also now running a low-grade fever so they have concerns all around. I stroked his hair and I watched him more as he slept. He was finally sleeping and we waited.

"Back so soon," I turned around to see Dr. Bolton staring back at me. I nodded, "Yea, I don't know, it just happened so quickly."

"It always does," he looked over his chart and then pulled up the computer and started to type away. "Yea, he is going to need a transfusion and platelets." He turned to a nurse and started to command orders. He turned back to me, "A night in the hospital. Can I get you anything?" my eyes went down to his attire and suddenly I looked up, "Please tell me that you didn't come here, because of Collin, from a date."

His eyes studied mine, "No, I have other patients."

"You weren't supposed to work tonight."

"I'm always working."

I shot him a look and he looked up with a smile, "What really happened is you saved me from a very poor date, I was looking for an excuse to get out of the date." I arched my eyebrow in his direction and he gave me a smile that made my knees feel weak. "Bad date?"

He scrunched his face, "It was a blind date. My friends think I need to be married or something, I don't know, I am not sure what they actually want. They set me up on these dates, they fail, and I escape back to the medical world." I smiled with a nod, "Understood. After I had Collin my secretary would set me up with any single male because I was never searching for dates. They were all miserable and I swore off blind dates."

Troy laughed and went to check over Collin, "I warned you about these nosebleeds because when his platelets drop it seems to happen, they took a nose dive too. So we will set you up with blood and platelets. Keep him over night to keep his fever on watch. Hopefully with all the stuff his fever will go away and you can go home in a day or two."

"So does this happen every time?"

"No, normally this happens about four days ago. I don't know why his levels just decided to fall today." Troy seemed frustrated, "But none the less it will be okay," I nodded and he went out to the nursing station. He started entering things into a computer and he got up with his cup of coffee and planted himself into our room. I looked at him surprised and he looked up, "What?"

"Nothing else to do?" he shook his head, "You are my only patient on the floor right now and I am technically not supposed to be working." I laughed and nodded; "So you are going to sit in here?" he nodded taking a drink of his coffee. "Make sure everything goes smoothly,"

"Uh huh," he smirked and he pulled his cell phone out and I looked over at Collin. I tucked my body into the chair and scrolled through my phone. The nurses came in to the room and she started the blood transfusion after losing plenty of it during the nosebleed. Troy watched the nurse for a minute and when she couldn't get something hooked up, Collin shifted and Troy stood up. "I have this Molly," Molly nodded and turned away from Troy in shame for not being able to do her job.

"Molly, you were doing it right," Troy said, she turned around to face him, "Just a little rough and he deserves some rest. I just don't want him to wake up." Molly nodded, "I'm sorry," she apologized, I looked at Troy and he finished hooking Collin up and started to press buttons. "Nothing to be sorry for Molly," she nodded and left the room. Troy picked up his chart and wrote in it, "You want him to sleep,"

"Yup, ever heard that sleep fights cancer?"

"Are you quoting John Green to me?"

He laughed, "I am."

"I enjoyed that book,"

"A lot of mom's and teenagers of mine do."

"Now it might be too much,"

"Yea," he finished writing in his chart and he propped his feet up on a table, "So how was your week?" he asked, "It was great. Collin was doing well, I am really hung-over right now though," I mumbled, my headache pressing, Troy gave me a smirk, "Oh yea?" I groaned, "Now I sound like a terrible mother," he shook his head laughing, "You are here right?"

"But I was drinking last night, really, Sam and Mariah pressured me into drinking and then they gave me a sedative to make me sleep. I guess they didn't think I have been doing that a lot lately." Troy nodded his head slowly, "You probably haven't."

"Yea so, hung-over."

"When was the last time you did that?"

"When I lost a big case about a year ago." I told him, "I don't drink that often with Collin around. I might have a glass of wine or something but never drunk."

"Understood, you are a mom without any support."

I nodded my head and Collin opened his eyes, he looked around for a minute and he then landed on Dr. Bolton. He smiled, "Dr. Troy!" his voice was weak but excited, Troy scooted closer to him and he smiled, "What's up big guy?"

"Nothing, I don't feel so good."

"I know, I am so sorry buddy, hopefully tomorrow you start feeling better." He nodded his head slowly and Troy gave him a high five. "Get some rest big guy,"

"Okay," he turned to look at me and I smiled, "Get some rest, okay?"

"Okay."

I leaned forward to kiss his forehead, which did feel slightly warm but not warm enough to warrant a favor to the hospital. He looked at me and he itched at his tube. "No," I instructed, "Do not itch it," he cried and I sighed, "Co,"

"Mommy," he whined, I stood up and sat down next to him, "Cuddle," he said, I only nodded my head and I pulled him into my arms. He pressed his face into my body and I stroked his back. Troy kicked back in the chair while he scrolled on his phone.

"Do you know that the Denver Broncos are projected to win the Super Bowl again?" I arched my eyebrow looking at him, "Fan?"

"I grew up in Denver right?" his eyes flickered over to mine, "I didn't," I told him, "I am more of a San Diego Chargers fan…" he flew up from his spot, "What? That's like… liking the Chiefs or somebody, you can't like the other part of the division!" I felt my eyes go large with a laugh, "Okay, at least I don't like the Raiders,"

"How in the world do you like the Chargers?" he asked me, "I grew up in Southern California," I told him, "I went to college at Stanford," his eyes shot up to meet mine, "Seriously?" I nodded, "I moved here because not many people wanted to hire a pregnant lawyer and my law firm gave me a chance."

"A southern California girl…I'm impressed." I smiled and nodded, "Denver huh?"

"Born and raised. I went to med school at Kansas University though,"

"You are Jayhawk then huh?" he laughed and nodded, "I am,"

"So that makes you a Padres fan then for baseball?"

"We don't watch much baseball in our house, football is on every Sunday, Monday, and Thursday." Troy nodded his head with a smile, "But Collin here likes the Broncos,"

"Yes," I nodded my head, "And he _loves_ Mr. Manning,"

"Who _doesn't?"_

"Me," I replied, he shook his head, and "I'm kidding I'll root for the Bronco's as long as they aren't playing the Chargers," Troy nodded his head, "So you aren't totally corrupted," I nodded my head with a laugh, "Exactly,"

He tilted his head back and a nurse came into the room to check over Collin. I kissed the top of his head as he had already fallen back asleep. Troy got up from his chair and he turned to me, "I'll be back in a bit. Get some rest,"

This time it didn't take alcohol or sleeping pills. It took just a tug of my son and the lights to flicker out.

* * *

 _Monday, September 1_ _st_ _, 2014_

"Here," I turned to see Troy, holding a cup of coffee out towards me. I took it graciously because I only slept about four hours last night. "Thank you," he nodded and he took a sip of the drink that he had. I smiled and my eyes turned back to Collin.

"His fever broke over night while you were sleeping." He said, "Can we go home today? Sam is supposed to be moving in."

"We'll see," his eyes survived Collin who was still asleep. "I am not making any promises, I want to see how he is feeling today." I nodded my head and my fingers ran through my hair. Sam had called me after I fell asleep and I had called her back this morning. She apologized profusely about not picking up her cell phone but I told her it was fine. That we should be out of the hospital in the next couple of days, I was hoping less than that but we will see.

Troy had gone back to the nurses' station as he let Collin sleep. I told Sam she could still move in today because I was ready on my part. A nurse came in to check vitals and then left without really disturbing Collin. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, Mariah had went back to my house to grab me clean non bloody clothes for me to wear. Collin opened his eyes and he blinked, "Mommy?"

"Good morning baby,"

"I feel better,"

"Yea?" he nodded his head and rubbed his eyes, I looked up to see Troy staring in, I smiled and waved him back in. Collin reached up and I sat down next to him to pull him into my lap. My lips went to his forehead and I rocked him in my lap. "Collin,"

"Dr. Troy!" he giggled and Troy smiled, "What's up big guy?" he sighed, "I'm tired,"

"Yea?" Troy grabbed something and pressed it against his chest. My eyes watched Troy's hands as he held a conversation with Collin. "Collin, you should tell your mom how awesome she is,"

"You're awesome mom," I came back to the conversation and I blushed, "I'm nothing special,"

"But you are." Troy corrected, "Dealing with this, you are special,"

"Honestly, Troy, it's been a rough month and a lot more rough months,"

"Yea but you are still here," his eyes locked with mine and I felt goose bumps travel over my body. His blue eyes pierced mine, they were so breathtakingly blue, and his face was so calm and focused. I broke our trace away from each other and I tried to make sure my body knew how to breathe. Troy cleared his throat and I turned back to face him. "I think we should observe Collin for most of the day. Hopefully he can go home tonight."

I nodded my head, "Sounds good, thank you for the coffee again."

"No problem. Have the nurses page me if you need me okay?"

"Yup."

* * *

Collin wrapped his arms around me as we exited the hospital. Sam was picking us up since my car never showed up. We had spent most of the day in the hospital but he gained some energy and spent most of his time in the playroom. Troy noticed this and let us go after he ate something.

Sam opened the door and Collin's car seat was in place, I smiled and buckled him in. Ryan was sleeping while I buckled him in. "How is he doing?" she asked, I shrugged and went to get into the car as well. I buckled up, "Better than yesterday. That is for sure."

"Good, Ryan and I basically are moved into the apartment. Still have some boxes to unpack but we are officially roommates," I smiled, "Good, Collin will be happy to have Ryan around."

"We have chemo starting on Tuesday the 9th," she said, "Collin is going to be admitted Thursday the 11th, and then go from there." I said with a sigh, "Chemo is not my favorite thing to deal with,"

"No one does,"

"I'm tired Sam, the hospital wears me out."

"How is Dr. Troy?" I turned to look at her, "What?"

"How is he?"

"He is okay…" I said confused, "Why?"

"Because…he has a thing for you like you have a thing from him."

"He had a date yesterday,"

"Oh yea his friends set him up on a lot of blind dates. He hates all of them but he does them to please his friends. Whatever. He does like you though," I looked at Sam amused and she laughed, "You crack me up,"

We pulled back into the apartment complex and we each grabbed our kids. They were both asleep and I followed Sam up to the apartment. "Thank you for the ride,"

"No problem, thanks for letting me move in with you."

I smiled softly and we went up the stairs. She opened the door for me and I thanked her again, "I will see you tomorrow morning," she nodded and we went separate ways. I laid Collin down into bed and I changed him into a pair of pajamas and tucked him into my bed. I took a shower and my thoughts began to flow freely.

Yesterday was a major blur in my head. I barely remember how his first nosebleed went but when it didn't stop I couldn't believe the amount of blood that came out of his nose. The way he was crying and how fast everything moved. The whole night seemed like a dream. The past month seems like a major blur in all reality. Letting out a long sigh, I washed my hair again trying to get rid of any evidence of the hospital.

After rinsing my hair, conditioner, and shaving, I wrapped a towel around myself. I sat on the floor of the bathroom too exhausted to keep moving forward. I glanced up to see Collin was still sleeping. I changed my clothes and then I crawled into bed with him. My hands stroking his face, he turned his head and he buried his face into my chest. I kissed the top of his head and he never even woke up.

Such a sweet kid.

* * *

 _Wednesday, September 3_ _rd_ _, 2014_

I leaned back basking in the somewhat warm sun but the wind made it a little colder. Mariah laughed and Sam giggled, "Gabi, your kid is pretty damn funny." I looked up again and I saw Collin was running around with his shirt up over his eyes. His giggle the loudest thing in the park, I smiled, "God, I love that kid."

They both smiled, Kale was lying down in the grass picking at it because he wasn't feeling well today. Ryan was a bundle of energy and Sam grinned, "Guys, I met a guy."

"You met a guy?" I asked, she nodded her head with a smile, "His name is Grant,"

"Aw, how old is he?" Mariah asked, she took a sip of her lemonade; my eyes found each of the kids again and then paid attention to the conversation at hand. "He is 33," she said, "He is a lawyer,"

"Who?" I asked, "Grant Kennedy," I groaned, "That Grant,"

"What? Is he bad?"

"I can't tell you about him outside of the courtroom but inside of the courtroom he is an asshole but then again lawyers are all assholes." I said with a shrug, "He is probably a really nice guy but I have to face him too often and I don't like it."

"So he is good,"

"Very," I told her, she smirked, "I think I can handle that,"

I took a drink of my water and the boys play some more. "How is Sam as a roommate Gabi?" I laughed, "Good, a little messy though but good." Mariah laughed and Sam wanted to protest but Ryan interrupted her, "Mommy!"

"Yea bud?"

Ryan who was only in his fifth month of treatment would be going for seven more months of chemo and most likely a stem cell transplant after that. Neuroblastoma was going to be at least six months, surgery, chemo, and stem cell transplant if all went well. This was our plan. I liked our plan because it seemed to be working because he was happy and energized when chemo wasn't bring him down.

Ryan asked about something, Kale came over to complain, and Collin gave me a big goofy smile. I shook my head and I pulled him into my arms. I kissed the top of his baldhead and he stood up on my lap and giggled. "Boys, what are you guys wanting to do?" Sam asked her arms circled around Ryan. "Play!"

"Play what?"

"Play!" Kale said, I laughed and the girls shook their heads, "How about we play, lets get some lunch and then take a nap!" Sam suggested, "I second that!" I nominated, "Make that three," Mariah smiled and there was one thing that cancer gave me.

It had in one month given me friends.

When you had a crisis, difficult, danger, or intense moment in your life I knew I could count on either of them. Maybe I couldn't get one of them but I had the other. Cancer was going to take away a year of my life but I was going to come out the winner in the situation. It was going to give me a lot and even the crisis came and it went. I stayed the night in a hospital when I least expected it to happen.

I found out my doctor was more than a doctor but was going to be there for Collin and I when we really needed him. He was another leg of support for us in a situation where we thought we wouldn't have anybody in our lives.

Forget crisis.

I had a blessing in disguise.

* * *

 **Happy Sunday! I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!**

 **Xx – Jo**

 **Please Review!**


	6. Hope

Chapter 6 – Hope

" _Hope is the little voice you hear whisper 'Maybe' when it seems the entire world is shouting 'No!'"_

Even in the world of cancer there is a glimmer of hope. Everything might be going the wrong way but on simple thing can bring everything back into prospective. You hear the mother down the hall wailing as her child flat lined and she can't do anything to save him. You glance over at your living son and feel grateful that it isn't you screaming for the person you love the most to come back.

You could be the mother planning a funeral for her terminal ill child who is numbering there final days and wanting to include their child in their last celebration of life. I looked over at my child and vow to never do that.

You see the mother who was just told that her child has cancer and you feel the pang of horribleness fill you, you begin to feel every single sense of dread after hearing the same exact words from a doctor. You sympathize for that mother but you are so glad that isn't you again. You see these things that make you feel okay again, that your life isn't that bad and even if it was that bad it's uplifting right now.

Then you see the best of them all. You see a child, grinning, with an 'I beat cancer' shirt, banner, balloon, teddy bear, and anything else you can write on that he beat cancer and you can not wait for that day, to celebrate how ever long they were battling for. To know that even through those entire tear filled moments, the days where the world denied you everything you actually wanted, there was something, someone, and anything to tell you to hold on. That it gets better.

* * *

 _Thursday, September 11_ _th_ _, 2014_

 _Gabi's POV_

"Collin, stop running around," I called, he turned back to look at me with a goofy grin on his face. He didn't know what was ahead of him but he knew that he was going to be able to see Dr. Troy for a couple of days. Ryan had disappeared for his Chemo and apparently it wasn't going over very well. He was constantly sick, no energy and just wasn't feeling himself. I was nervous for Collin's second round of chemo but I knew this was what was going to make him better.

Collin came to sit at my feet and he reached up to grab my hand, "Momma,"

"What's up beautiful boy?"

"Where is Ryan?" he asked, "We are going to go see him right now…" I told him, I surveyed to make sure I had everything we were going to need for six days in the hospital. We should be home Wednesday morning but nothing was set and stone. I sighed and I bent over to grab Collin. "Do you have any toys you want to bring?" I asked him, he thought about if for a moment and then he kicked to get down. He ran across the apartment into our room.

Most of his stuff had shoved its way inside my room and it was becoming over crowded. He stumbled back into the room and he looked up at me with his precious face. "This," he held up his stuffed animal that I had gotten him for his nosebleed. "Let's go then, we have to go see Dr. Troy."

"Is Ryan there?"

"Yes, Kale will be there in two days too. You guys can have some fun together."

"Yay!"

We walked down to the car and my stomach churned with worry about the next several days. I was worried on how well he would tolerate the days of chemo, how well he would do with all of the hospital stuff again. He was in much better moods now than earlier, the first time we were there. The pain medication was really helping him and I think the chemo was actually making a difference. It may make him feel like shit but I also think it was working for him.

I took a deep breath stashing our bags into the car. "Mommy, are they going to hurt me?" I turned to look at Collin. He looked upset; his face scared of what might be happening soon. "What sweetie?"

"The last time Ryan and Kale were with Dr. Troy, they hurt me." I bent close to him and my hand touched his cheek softly. "How?" I asked, "They poked me with things. You cried a lot." My heart broke into a thousand pieces. "I won't cry this time." I told him with a smile, "They are going to poke you a couple of times but it will be okay. We will get some Parks and eat good dinners. How does that sound?"

Collin started to cry and I picked him up. I hugged him close to my body not wanting to let him have this fear. A wave of nausea swept over my body because my child was scared of being poked with needles. He was scared they were going to hurt him and make him feel terrible and the horrible thing was…he had every right to feel scared. "Maybe you and Ryan can spend the evening watching a movie together," I said, my attempts to trying to calm him down failing.

"He seems to feel pretty yucky and could use a friend."

"No, I want to stay home."

"I wish we could buddy," I put him into his car seat and he started to cry and kick his legs. He refused to be buckled into the car seat and I wish that he would just relax. I eased the buckle into place and he screamed bloody murder. I told him I wasn't going to cry but he was making it hard on me. I shut his door and I stood on the outside for a good minute and half. I wasn't going to break down because he was just scared. He needed me to be brave for him.

Taking a calming breath, I got into the car and he was just crying now. I turned on his favorite radio station and we carried on to the hospital. My mind wondered to how in the world he figured out what was going to happen to him. How he knew that he was going to be stuck there for several days. The poor kid was scared because of what was going to happen to him. My stomach felt like rocks were sitting at the bottom and there wasn't a way to make it better.

Pulling in to the hospital, I found a spot to park. Putting the car into park, I looked back at Collin who was still full of tears. My arms longed to wrap around him to make sure he is okay. He looked at me and I could see the heartbreak in his eyes. He didn't want to be here and I didn't want to be here. So why were we here? I pushed the thought deep into the back of my brain and I got out of the car. A wagon was close by and I pulled it to the back to fill it up to the top with our stuff.

I then went to get Collin, he wrapped his arms around my neck and when I tried to set him in the cart he screamed bloody murder. "Okay, okay," I said softly, I locked my car tossing my keys into the cart and headed towards the elevator. A couple of other parents were waiting with their children. They took a look at the amount of luggage we had and the baldhead of Collin to only come up with one conclusion.

When the elevator arrived, we were allowed on and people squished around us. Collin clung to my shirt, his fingers having a tight grasp. My heart ached at the way he was acting. There was no possible way for me to make him feel better about this situation. I tried all of the good things and he seemed to not care anymore. When we got into the hospital from the parking garage we went through security and then up another elevator until we made it to the oncology ward.

I took peek around and Ethan, our nurse from last time, was sitting at the front. He noticed us get off the elevator and he smiled. "Good evening Montez clan how are you guys?" I smiled softly, "Somebody isn't very happy about where he is but we are good none the less."

"Good! Dr. Bolton made sure your room was ready so it is prepared for you guys. He is able to stay in his clothes, no need for a hospital gown." I thanked him and when I got to the door I saw the picture posted on the door. _Hotel De Collin._

A big smile spread over my face, "See Collin, it is just like we are on vacation for a couple of days." He whined in my shoulder and he propped open the door. I sat Collin down on the hospital bed and he began to cry, he crawled across the bed reaching for me as I parked the wagon. "Collin, please calm down." He stood up and reached for me again, "Alright, come here," I pulled him into my arms again while he took breaths to calm himself down.

"Do you want to go see Ryan really fast?" he nodded his head into my shoulder and I took him down the hallway until I found Ryan's room. I knocked gently and Sam looked up from her spot in the chair. Ryan seemed to be out cold, "We can come back," I said softly, she shook her head, "I'll come out," she got up moving her blanket to the side. She then closed the door behind us. "Ryan," Collin said trying to get out of my arms.

"He is sleeping buddy."

"But I want to see Ryan," Collin protested, Sam smiled softly at Collin. "Maybe in a little bit bud, how are you guys?"

"Good. Ryan doing any better?"

"No. He has had a pretty rough go around of things this time."

"Poor guy,"

"Hopefully tomorrow he will be feeling up to do some stuff."

"Hopefully Collin will be up to something too."

Sam sighed, "I guess I am going to go back and watch my kid sleep. I'll come see you guys in a bit."

"Awesome."

We separated ways and when we got back into the room, Dr. Troy was standing there. "No," Collin said shaking his head, Troy looked up at Collin, "Everything okay?" he asked, I sighed, "I think he understands that by being here he isn't going to feel good anymore, that he is going to hurt and I think he is scared of it. He has been a mess since he figured it out. So his No isn't directly towards you. Your ego is still intact,"

Troy laughed quietly and nodded, "I see. Collin, you should know that this is by far the best weekend to ever be at the hospital." Collin peaked his head out from my shoulder. "Why?" he asked, his nose stuffed up with tears.

"Because, starting tomorrow every single nurse on the floor and some doctors have Velcro vests on all day unless of an emergency and all of our patients get nerf guns and darts. Every time you hit a nurse you get ten points. If you hit a doctor you get twenty points. If you have the most points at the end of the weekend then you get a prize."

"What kind of prize?" Collin asked he was fully looking at Troy now. He had inched closer to him and I sat him down on the bed for him to be fully focused on Troy. "I am not sure. It changes every single time last time the person won a pizza from a local pizza shop and an entire tub of ice cream." Collin giggled, "Mommy I want to play!"

"I bet you do," I said with a smile, Troy looked up at me, "How are you?"

"I'm good. I just want to know if us mom's get to play or what?" Troy laughed, "Mmm…we try to keep it kid friendly." I smirked, "I might just sneak a dart gun in here for myself." Troy shook his head and he looked at Collin. "So I know this weekend isn't going to be the most fun weekend of your life Collin but we have to make sure you are getting better. You are going to get more medicine along with a lot of blood work done. It will hurt a little bit and you might feel crummy but it will be okay, okay?" he slowly nodded his head and Troy reached down for a high five.

"You have your awesome mommy here and I will be around a lot. We will be here for you." Collin nodded, "Okay,"

Ethan came in and he had Collin lean back into the bed. They had done his vitals and they were starting to access his port. They hooked him up to his port to start delivering fluids. The blood was taken so they could check his counts and the weekend of chemo was beginning. Troy went round and round to all of his patients making sure they were all okay. Collin started to watch TV and color while he got his pre-chemo medications so when the blood work came back they could start.

The clock seemed to tick by, Collin began to relax, and suddenly I had some hope for this weekend.

* * *

I pressed the call button repeatedly as Collin began to puke more liquid or something, I wasn't sure. He was crying and puking, my fingers pressed the button again, god Damnit, where are the nurses? They had been in and out all night and now when I needed them?

I bit down on my lip and I made sure he had a place to puke into even though it was everywhere. I pressed the button again, "Why is the nurses alarm going off?" I pressed it again, while Collin looked at me with tears running down his cheeks because puking hurt and I could only imagine during it three and four times in a row. "Will somebody respond to the nurses button?"

"Fine, I'll just do it." Dr. Bolton sounded agitated until he stepped into the room, "Oh God," the smell invaded the room and I looked up at him, Troy turned around and he barked at a nurse to grab something. Troy turned around to come back in and he grabbed Collin's port, "Collin, hey bud, I am going to need you relax a little bit," two nurses flew through the door, one of them grabbed the puke bucket for me and then another gave Troy whatever he requested.

He pushed something through Collin's port and then another. "Let's start cleaning Collin up," Troy glanced up at me and his eyes were frantic, "You okay?"

"Not everyday my kid begins to puke for a solid ten minutes." Collin began to relax and I looked at him, "A little bit of a sedative and some anti-nausea meds." Troy said, "Hopefully it will help his puking,"

I nodded while I rubbed Collin's hand; I got another shirt out while they switched it. "I'm not going to lie Gabi, the second time around is normally the worst. He is normally still feeling shitty from the first one. It's rough." I sat down on the edge of the chair while I took in a calming breath, "I told him I wasn't going to cry. He didn't want to come because he said I cried a lot last time." I rubbed my face gently while I looked at Troy; his eyes were staring into mine.

"Good thing he is asleep," Troy, said, his eyes looking down to me, I gave a soft smile and I nodded, "Good thing he is asleep." I answered back, I began to battle the tears that wanted to badly emerge because nobody should have to witness their child be poisoned and then to watch them throw up because they can't withhold it. No mother should ever have to do that. Ever. My chest began to tighten and I battled my jaw to stay tightly close. Troy watched the nurses finish their job and once they left the room. Troy walked around and he pulled me up gently, "You need a hug," he said, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt safe as I collapsed against his chest, the day wearing on me as I began to cry.

The tears flooded every part of me as I felt horrible, I broke a promise, I wasn't supposed to cry but God wasn't supposed to give this to my kid. I hated seeing him this way I hated it.

"This isn't fair, I know life isn't fair but this isn't fair to him. Make it me. Make me the one that is sick, I don't want to watch him suffer, I want to suffer, and I want to take all of his pain away from him. He looks at me when he is throwing up because I know how badly it hurts. I just want all of his pain to be mine." I pulled away from Troy while I looked at Collin; more tears began to pour out of other places.

"How about a sedative for you too?" he joked, I didn't laugh and he cringed, "Bad joke, wrong time,"

"Watching you poison his body by far the worst thing I have ever experienced."

"I am making him better."

"By killing it first."

He sighed, "The harsh truth to cancer."

"I don't like anything about cancer," I whispered softly, "That makes two of us."

* * *

 _Friday, September 12_ _th_ _, 2014_

Collin could barely keep his eyes open this morning while he watched the TV, he pushed away all food that was in front of him and already had one crying tantrum. I flipped through my emails to see that I had none of relevance. I missed work more than I should. I was sometimes giddy waking up to emails and what not, I just miss the fact that somebody needed me to help them and I could.

I couldn't help Collin, everything I did seemed to be the wrong thing and I wanted my normalcy back.

I snorted, what was normalcy anymore?

"Oh Mr. Collin," Ethan our nurse walked in and he smiled, Collin turned his head to look at him with a smile, "Guess what," Collin giggled, "What?"

"It's finally time for…STAFF VS PATIENT NERF WAR!" Collin seemed to brighten up by the words and I couldn't help but smile. "Here are the very simple rules, I think Dr. Bolton went over them but I am going to go over them again. If you shoot a nurse and the thing sticks, you get 10 points. If you shoot a doctor and it sticks, you get 20 points. Doctors are very rare to get hit, especially doctor Bolton, he is super sneaky."

Collin giggled again while Ethan described everything to him, "Since it is your first weekend with Patient Nerf Wars, you get a bonus of ten points because you get a free shot at me." Collin took the gun happily from Ethan, "Do you know how to use it big guy?" I laughed, "You should see his collection at home, it is quite impressive." Ethan laughed, "We have a nerf gun champion in here then,"

"We shall see,"

Collin loaded up his gun and clicked it back then he took a shot towards Ethan without hesitation. The bullet stuck perfectly to his chest and Collin giggled, his head swirled around to face me. "Mommy! Did you see that?" I nodded my head, "I did! Good job!"

Ethan tossed me a marker and he pointed to the dry erase board, "Moms get to keep track," I smiled, I then went over to the white board and I wrote _Nerf War Point Total! 10._

"Awesome, little man, you better have a sharp look out today and tomorrow. If they are standing at the nurses station or walking, hit them." He winked and he then backed out of the room. He turned to me with his little gun in his hands. "Are you ready?" he nodded with a laugh, "Make sure your nerf gun is loaded," I told him; he nodded and loaded his gun all over again. A knock came at our door and Collin pointed the gun.

"Come in," I said, the door popped up, the gun went off, and Sam was struck in the forehead with a nerf bullet. I couldn't contain my laughter as I doubled over laughing, Sam stood struck in the doorway with the dart at her feet. Collin pulled his lips together and he sat down on his bed, his eyes turning over to look at me. I was laughing too hard to even look at him though. I sat up and Sam couldn't contain her laughs.

"I feel like I am back at the apartment." She said, Collin giggled, "Hi Ms. Sam,"

"And that is precious,"

Sam laughed while I gained my composure, "How did last night go?"

"Rough." I admitted, "It was really rough."

"Yea, ours too,"

Sam sat down next to me to look at Collin, "He is having fun with the nerf guns?"

"Oh yea, you have seen him at home," Sam laughed, "Kid loves to shoot me, right Collin?" he giggled and looked back at Sam, "Make sure you reload your gun," Sam had tossed him the bullet and Collin did as told. "Did he not eat this morning?" her eyes lingered on the plate, "Nope. I tried a couple of times but no luck. I wasn't going to push it."

"Sam," a nurse appeared in our doorway, Julie, the click sounded and the bullet was right in the front of the chest. Collin giggled and the nurse almost looked shocked, "Well, well, well looks like we have a real competitor here." Collin looked at me, "Mommy! Board!" I jumped, "I'm sorry," I got up and I began to write down his new score of 20.

He giggled again; I would do anything to keep that sound in this room. "Anyways, Sam, Ryan needs you. He woke up." She nodded pushing off the chair; "I'll be back in a bit," Sam, said with a nod, I nodded my head, "Sounds good."

Sam exited the room and I sighed looking at Collin, "Mommy?"

"Hm?" I asked looking at him, "Why don't I have a daddy like Kale?"

Nothing had every set him up for this question, nothing had ever made him wonder this thing and now that it spits out of his mouth it makes my chest hurt because I am not letting his dad into his life. I never gave his dad a choice to be in his life. I took in a deep breath while Collin looked at me with curiosity, "Is Dr. Troy a dad?" he questioned further, I laughed, "No, I don't believe Dr. Troy is a dad."

"Can he be my dad?"

I felt my eyes grow wide, "Not really buddy, it doesn't work like that." He sighed, "Okay."

I let the subject go between my three-year old and me but it didn't stop everything from hurting. So many different times in my life I wanted to reach out to his dad, so many different times I wanted to be like, you have a kid but every time I did, I realized that a lot of legal things could happen. Collin could be completely taken away from me if his dad so wanted him to be taken away from me.

I didn't believe his dad would do that but hell…I hardly knew his dad.

We dated, we went out for three months or so before everything began to happen in a slow dwindle. I graduated law school, I had fun with him and then I decided I didn't want to be tied down. I had sex with a couple of other guys and I wound up pregnant. I claimed I never knew who the father was because it was easier that way. It was just easier to shove it to the side and pretend I didn't actually know who it was.

I knew who it was.

I never told him mostly because I was scared. I had lost my dad while pregnant and then I moved to Denver with my mom. Then my mom was in a car accident just three months after the birth of Collin. I was a complete mess because I was officially alone.

That was the first time I thought about calling Collin's dad.

The second time was when I had a case land on my desk about how a dad never knew about his kids and he wanted custody of them, at least partial custody. I thought about Collin's dad and I knew I should have called him and I almost did. I almost called him in my office that day when Collin was 18 months old. The happiest little guy in the world but the more I looked at him, the more I didn't want to share him. He was mine; I was doing his dad a favor by not telling him.

That's what I told myself anyways.

Now was the third time I thought about calling Collin's dad. He deserved to know his son and to know what he was like. Didn't he? But how mad would he be? Would I be dragged into a courtroom? Would I be dealing with too much when I needed to be focused on Collin?

My head began to throb with an intense headache; I looked up to see Collin was almost asleep. His nerf gun tucked next to him tightly while he battled between the world and sleep. I scooted closer to him; my hands ran over his little baldhead. "Get some rest Co baby," he nodded his head and I kissed the top of his head. Once he was fast asleep, I stood up and I went to just get some much-needed air.

I peeked into Ryan's room, Sam took notice and I looked at her, "I'll be right back. Collin is asleep and if they need me call me okay? I need some fresh air." Sam nodded her head, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I just need a minute." She nodded and I went to exit the hospital, I pressed the button on the elevator while I waited for it to come up. I itched to get outside of the hospital because almost twenty-four hours here was enough to make you go crazy. I didn't understand how people stayed here for so long.

One of my clients was stuck in the hospital for 14 weeks when she was pregnant. They kept her here because of something, I don't even remember now but 14 weeks and she couldn't leave. I would have literally gone insane.

Once the elevator arrived, I pushed the doors open farther while I pressed to the quickest exit. I felt like I was suffocating in that hospital room with Collin. I loved him to pieces but I needed a minute. The questions he had been throwing at me, the way he seemed so hurt and tired. I couldn't take this right now. My breathing felt labored as I felt packed into the elevator. Once it opened, I pushed my way to the door.

I broke free and I took in the fresh air. I began to just walk swiftly for a couple of moments while I tried to take in as much air as possible. My lungs felt like they were on fire while I found a spot to sit and tuck my head between my legs. The tears came next, because what else was I supposed to do? This was only his second chemo round and I am falling apart. "Want to continue your walk?" I picked my head up and I saw Dr. Bolton looking down at me.

He had a raised eyebrow like he did this everyday, picking up a mother from the grass outside because she was in tears. He acted like I hadn't just sat down and started to cry right here, he simple asked to continue the walk like it was the most natural thing in the entire world. I just stared at him for a moment, "I only get so many moments away from the inside of the walls of that hospital, looks like you needed one too. Would you like to continue?"

I hesitated but I nodded standing up, he began to walk and I walked next to him. I wrapped my arms around my torso while we walked, "How do you work there everyday? I also think you live there because you are always there."

"This is my favorite weekend at the hospital. I am always here during this weekend."

"No, you are _always_ here."

He laughed, "I think I always work when you are here, last week I actually didn't work for three straight days. I turned my cell phone off, well, at least from work to call me and I ventured out to do something."

"What did you do?"

"I went camping." He replied, I giggled, "Is that funny?"

"I don't take you as the camping type…" I mentioned quietly, he snorted, "That's fantastic because I hated every single minute of it." I couldn't contain my laughter any longer. "I hate camping too. Unless we are camping on the beach, then that is fantastic."

"I have never camped on a beach…" Troy said quietly, "I have barely been to a beach."

"Wow, you are missing out on something."

"Mmm…it's on a list to spend a week at the beach." I bit on my lip, "Any beach is a good one but I am partial to Southern California,"

"Where did you grow up at?"

"La Jolla," Troy nodded his head, "That is pretty cool."

"I miss it. I wanted to take Collin back a few years ago but…" I paused not willing to go into the details of my dreaded past. "Things just didn't end well there." Troy seemed to accept that I didn't want to go into the past. "Understandable."

"So Dr. Bolton, how do you keep yourself sane in a hospital?"

"I'm not sure, how do you keep yourself sane in a courtroom?"

"A courtroom is like my house,"

"Same with me and a hospital,"

"Touché," I told him with a smile, "Have you spent time in a court room?"

"Only for my speeding ticket."

"Then how can you judge?" I giggled while he smiled, "This is true. You have already spent more time in a hospital than I have in a courtroom so I guess I have to reveal my secrets huh?" I nodded my head while we winded around a curve, "I take regular breaks outside or away from my floor. It was the reason I actually ran into you that night." I nodded my head, "I watched you leave the hospital floor and I realized it had been too much for you today."

"Collin said some things to me and they made me think,"

"What about?"

"About his dad."

"I was never going to ask about him but I have always wondered,"

"Do you want the story I tell everybody or the truth? I almost seem capable of telling somebody."

"How about both?"

"Well, I mean the story I tell everybody is not too far off from the truth just a little…twisted."

"I believe a lot of our stories are always twisted."

"Well, let's just paint the picture of young Gabi finishing law school, I was young, I had just done the hardest thing of my entire life so I did what any normal girl does, she breaks up with her boyfriend and has a string of sex with many guys, she has a lot of fun for a couple of weeks before she starts having to actually find a damn job. Well…one the first day of job hunting…she finds out she is pregnant. I was the top of my class type of lawyer and a lot of people wanted me so here is where the story goes different." I said simply, "I told just about everybody that I had sex with too many men to actually know who the dad is."

Troy nodded his head, "But you actually know," I nodded my head, "Collin's dad is my boyfriend from college. We had been dating for about 3 or so months and I was ready to be free of a relationship."

"Why did you never tell him?"

"By the time I decided, Denver gave me a chance and I left. I didn't look back. His dad and I lost contact and I never wanted to look back. I was okay with raising Collin by myself. I don't need his money or anything. I had my mom for a while, but she passed when he was an infant."

"I'm so sorry,"

"It's okay, I got over that a long time ago."

"Not that long ago,"

"Long enough ago that it doesn't hurt anymore."

"I see."

"So that is my life story," I said softly, "I mean, I guess my life story with Collin." Troy smiled at me, "It's an interesting story."

"So Collin asked me about his dad and why he didn't have one and I felt like he stabbed me through the heart because his dad didn't choose not to be in his life. I chose for him. He then proceeded to ask me if you could be his dad because I guess living in a hospital and your male doctor becomes a lot like a dad."

Troy couldn't contain his laugh, "That's funny. It is also not the first time." I smiled over at him, "I bet not. You seem to be a great dad figure."

"Mmm…my mom says that. My mom is also pushing for me to get married." I couldn't help but laugh, "My mom was the same way,"

"How old are you?" I asked him, "31,"

"Ohh you old," I teased, Troy turned to me laughing, "I mean, I guess you could be like thirty four," I gasped while I looked at him, "No way! I don't look a day over 30."

Troy pursed his lips, "I would actually have to agree, how old are you?"

"Are you even supposed to ask that question?" I teased, Troy smiled over at me, and "You started the conversation,"

"I'm 29 Dr. Bolton,"

"You carry yourself much older than 29," Troy advised, "I am pretty sure I was not ready for any type of child at 29."

"Who says I was ready?"

"The way you love your child." I stopped in the sidewalk while I looked at Troy, he seemed surprised by my stop in the path but his eyes settled on my face, then lowered to my lips, then automatically back to my face realizing his mistake. "Motherhood was an easy transition for me and Collin made it even easier. It was just easy,"

"He is probably looking for you,"

"I think he is waiting for Dr. Bolton to walk into the door to score 20 points."

Troy glanced down at his nerf vest with a smile, "This weekend reminds me why I love my job, your case, reminds me of why I hate this job because people like you and Collin don't deserve this but you are always the people to walk in here. You are always on the ones and it hurts like hell seeing you, be by yourself most of the time."

"It sucks,"

"I haven't had many families walk in with nobody."

"I have made friends though,"

"In the worst way possible,"

I sighed, "I should really get back to Collin,"

"I'll walk all the way up with you, I probably need to get back to work. It's my last day of the week,"

"So you aren't working tomorrow?"

"No, I'm playing in a whiffle ball tournament for cancer fundraising."

"That sounds exciting."

"It's fun. We normally have a bunch of kids come out to play, some of the Rockies come out if it is an off day but it's not this year, we have football players and all sorts of cool people show up. It is very much a stressful day that I am not getting paid for."

"Collin would love that,"

"I would invite Collin but I think he is a little busy."

"Maybe next year because man does that kid loves anything that involves a sport." Troy smiled while we walked back towards the hospital, "Another trick to hospital living?" Troy said looking over at me, "Make it your own. Bring your own blankets, I will always make sure you get a window room because I like you, and bring anything that makes you feel comfortable." I smiled over at him, "Thanks."

"You are more than welcome. It know how hard it is,"

"You do?" Troy pressed his lips together and he nodded, "Yea, I do."

* * *

 _Saturday, September 13_ _th_ _, 2014_

Kale, Ryan, and Collin were all on the bed together as they were watching a movie. It was late into our evening. The nerf war had come to a close and Collin had not won this weekend, mostly because he couldn't stop puking over the past twenty-four hours to stay awake to shoot anybody. He never got Dr. Bolton even though we tried extra hard yesterday. He was just too sneaky.

Sam had gone back to the apartment to refresh and grab a couple of things she realized she didn't have for the next two days of their treatment. Collin and I had three more days with Kale of a total of four days. I chewed on my lip while I watched them; Collin was curled up sleeping with his stuffed animal after a long day of chemo and sickness. Ryan was looking out the window at all of the lights wondering why he was stuck in this room. Kale was watching the movie with curiosity about what was going to happen to the main character. Mariah and Kel were getting dinner downstairs with their other children.

"Gabi," I turned around at the ever so whisper of my name. Troy was standing there in a pair of sweats with a long sleeve Bronco's t-shirt on. I raised my eyebrow at his appearance and I walked out towards him. "What are you doing here? Wasn't today your stressful day off?" Troy couldn't help but crack a smile at me, "It was. It was stressful but I won a gift card to Parks tonight, a gift card that I thought about you and how you probably haven't eaten."

I shook my head as he pulled out a bag of food, "So, I brought you food to eat. I got an update on Collin earlier and I heard it was a rough day. I figured I could at least give you some food."

"Why thank you,"

"Hey, you are welcome." I smiled while I pulled my food out of the bag. The nursing station was quiet, the floor was quiet, and everything was quiet tonight. "Did you have fun at the whiffle ball game?"

"I did. We had a great turnout."

'That's good."

"It was a lot of fun, my family came out and we just had a blast."

"Do you have any siblings?" I asked him, Troy nodded his head, "and I have two, my older brother Marcus who is only 18 months older than me so we are basically twins. We act as twins; function as twins, we think like twins. He chose to become a teacher though and a football coach." I smiled and I nodded, "Then I have my younger sister Sammy,"

"I like that name,"

"It's my nickname for her, she is three years younger than me so basically Marcus and I gave her hell growing up." He smiled and I couldn't contain my own smile watching him talk about his family. "Do they all live around here?"

"Oh yea, we all went to KU and we all are great friends…now that we live apart."

"I always wanted a sibling. I plan on eventually giving Collin one; I didn't enjoy growing up without one. If something ever happens to me I want Collin to have somebody else in this world besides me. My parents are both gone and suddenly I'm alone you know?"

"I loved having my siblings growing up. They made things interesting and adventurous. Especially Marcus. He normally comes up here to volunteer every couple of months. You'll probably meet him eventually."

I picked at my fries and I looked up at Troy, "Why did you bring me food Troy?"

"Because, I like to help my patients out."

"I'm not your patient."

"You are the core to my patient. If I make you happy then Collin will be easier to please. So far I think I am doing a lot better," I looked at him and I shook my head, "That was lame," he gave a cheesy grin, "Yea, it was," Troy dipped one of his fries in Parks special sauce that they gave out, "What is it like to grow up without a sibling?" Troy asked me after a couple of seconds without sound filling them besides the constant beeping of a machine or the cry of a TV.

"It is…boring. I had a fantastic time but you are the only thing your parents focus on. It's you and you only. They give you anything and everything. A lot of kids would think that is nice but when it came time for birthdays and Christmas I had no idea what I wanted. I had everything. I had every single friend I ever wanted. I had everything. I was a spoiled brat." Troy grinned with amusement, "The fact that you admit that is awesome."

"When I got to college I got a reality check." I offered with a grin, "Nobody cared who the hell you were, you couldn't act like a spoiled brat." Troy nodded, "I dated an only child once in high school and she basically said the same thing." I laughed with a nod, "It is a common theme. I have found a couple who actually enjoy being the only child and they weren't brats. Those were just good parents."

Troy finished his burger then his fries. He crumpled up all of his trash and he let out a long breath, "Does Collin's next round of chemo start soon?" Troy asked I nodded my head, "Midnight." Troy sighed, his face buried in his hands. He then turned his head to look at me; "I want you to know how much I hate writing prescriptions for him to receive chemo." I let out a small breath, "I hate watching you write it. I hate knowing you are writing it."

Troy nodded and he went around to the other side of the desk, he opened a fridge and pulled out three shakes. I raised my eyebrow and he nodded, "Collin, Ryan, and Kale." He then pulled out two glasses and a small bottle. "For the adults." He answered, I grinned, "I think I like the off the clock doctor," Troy laughed while he poured both of us a drink. We clicked glasses and then we drowned them.

"Here is to another night,"

"To another night."

* * *

Collin was curled up in my lap because the chemo wasn't sitting well already, he was just crying and I was doing anything to keep my heart from breaking. He would whimper every now and then from something, I just wanted to wrap him in a shield.

He pushed away from me and he started to cry, I tried to pull him back in but he only screamed at it. "Go away," he yelled, my heart shattered in my chest with the simple words that he spoke, I know he didn't mean them, I know he wasn't upset at me, but I was the one who had to take the brunt of his anger. "Co,"

"No," he curled up in his pillow, his tears falling onto his pillow, I touched his back but he didn't want to be touched as he screamed. I pulled my hand away and I pressed the call button for a nurse. The nurse came in quickly and she looked at Collin, "Would you like to give him a sedative for a bit?" I only nodded my head crying because I hated that he was in so much pain that he didn't want to be touched. I hated how he didn't feel good. I hated all of this.

The nurse did what she thought best and Collin's cries came to a stop. I sat down on the bed, my hand running over the back of his head. The quiet began to settle in around us while Collin was asleep but his little body was still shaking from his outburst. I wiped my tears away while I crawled into the bed with Collin. I pulled him into my arms and I stroked his back. In the quiet, you could hear hope.

You could hear the little bit of hope that might be out in this world. Dr. Bolton stuck around long enough to hang out with the boys for a little bit before disappearing to go home and sleep before his shift tomorrow. Sam came back up here and we gossiped about Dr. Bolton bring me dinner tonight, how did he know it was going to just be me? Did he plan it? Mariah and I had a glass of wine together while we watched Collin's chemo begin and then Kale's.

Then when it got really quiet, people went back to their rooms you could hear the fear swirling around your head. You can hear how the chill in the air switches quickly and you watch the chemo drip one by one into your son's veins so slowly. You pray for the hope to come swooshing in your ear, then the screaming starts and finally you lose all hope. It all disappears; the nurse comes to the rescue with the hard drugs and then…quiet.

The little maybe fills the air and it swirls around that everything might be okay but…you never know. You never know what might just happen the next day.

* * *

 **Happy Sunday! I hope you all enjoyed the update!**

 **Have a FANTASTIC week!**

 **Please Review!**


	7. Judge

Chapter 7 - Judge

" _Don't let someone who has done nothing tell you how to do anything,"_

Do you remember when you were a young parent and random people would come up to you and be like, "Are you doing this? Or this? Or this?" the way they would tell you to do something about your child that they had no idea about. They didn't understand your child and they didn't understand your choices but man, you are the one being judged.

Then you have the people whom have never been parents judging you on how you do things. They tell you how to do it but they have never actually done it. It was the quickest thing to make me angry. The quickest thing that would set me over the edge after I became a mother, people judged me on everything I did. From how much maturity time I took after I had Collin. How I didn't then spend enough time with Collin. People who didn't even have children judged me endlessly but they wanted to tell me how to raise my child.

My mom understood this anger that set inside of me and so did my dad. They always understood everything about me but now that I have a child with cancer would they understand? I didn't understand anything anymore. I didn't understand parenting or how to raise a child with cancer. Nobody told you that. Nobody judged you. They just gave you a pair of sympathy eyes and they keep moving. Mouths shut tightly because nobody should have to understand this. Nobody should be able to give advice on this.

This was just horrible.

Ugly.

Miserable.

* * *

 _Sunday, September 21_ _st_ _, 2014_

Collin was curled in a blanket while he watched the Bronco's game on TV with Sam and Ryan. They were all intently focused on the game at hand while I finished washing the dishes from lunch. I pressed my lips together while I watched them interact. Collin had a shitty week and was not doing well with round two of chemo. He was struggling along and I felt so bad for him. I just wanted to hold him for hours.

I loved him so much it made everything ache.

I shut off the water; I grabbed the towel drying off my hands. Sam looked over at me and I smiled, "Do you want to escape for a bit?" she asked, I nodded, "You don't mind?"

"I got my break last night."

Sam had gone out on a date last night leaving me with the boys. It was fine because Ryan had bounced back easily from his chemo so he was easy to deal with but Collin didn't want to do anything. I went over to my room and I looked at all of my work clothes. My fingers brushed each and every single one of them. In the moment you think how much you hate getting up in the morning, getting dressed and going to work and now that is all I want to do.

I want a normal life of getting up, going to work, and spending my evenings with Collin while we played quietly together. I don't remember asking for it to be this way but some how it is. Somehow here I am with this disease that is just going to slowly hurt my son to hopefully keep him healthy. I bit down on my lip while I pulled on a pair of jeans with a button up shirt and a pair of Vans. I pulled my hair up and threw on a couple things of jewelry.

I was going to go shopping.

Heading out to the living room, I went over to Collin. My fingers stroked his head, his eyes leaned back to take me in and I smiled, "I'm going to leave for a little bit okay? If you need me ask Sam to call me alright?" he nodded and I kissed his forehead, "Be good, I love you."

"I love you too," his voice automatic as the words filtered out. I adjusted the hat on his head when I retrieved my purse from the table along with my keys. "I'll pick up some dinner," I told Sam, she nodded, "Pizza sounds delish,"

"Totally," I smiled while I shut the door behind me; I let out a staggered breath because I felt the world was suffocating me. I made it all the way to my car and when I got inside, I went into autopilot. The drive seemed easy because traffic wasn't an issue, it was Sunday and the Broncos were playing. I pulled into the parking garage that was still full of cars because lawyers didn't care what the hell was going on. Not at a big law firm like this.

The big ups were gone at the game getting drunk but everybody else was busy working still. They were logging hours and making money by the minute as their clients were as well watching the game and getting drunk too busy to realizing they were getting billed. I opened my car door and I took the same path that I took every single morning. Normally my brain was filled with cases that I was taking on and what I was going to do. How was my day going to magically unfold and what cases could I bring on.

Moving into the building, I took the elevator up to the floor that I normally always stepped off on. The normal clicking on the keyboards typing letters and notices and whatever else you could think of. Not many people were on my floor as I thought there could be but rounding to my office I looked at the paperwork that wasn't there. The way my blinds were drawn. The dust was collecting on the keyboard and around the drink that I left there many weeks ago.

My insides broke in half because I missed my job more than I had realized. I went in as I sat down in my chair, my fingers running over the desk and keyboard. I shook my computer to life as I easily typed in my username and password. My screen popped up and Collin was staring back at me. My heart fluttered as I looked at his giant smile that was staring right into my eyes. I missed that smile right there.

Opening up my email it was flooded with hundreds of emails from my missing time. I began to work through them one by one as I responded to some and others I just deleted. My eyes landed on the last case I was working on. The father who was losing his children even though there was no divorce.

I passed it on to another lawyer in the office but I still communicated with the husband making sure he was being taken care of. I opened the email that was last sent and I smiled.

 _Ms. Montez,_

 _Thank you for helping me through this journey of making sure my wife didn't take off with my kids. I would love to report that the judge ruled in my favor and she is not allowed to take the kids out of the country without my permission first. I have filed for divorce from my wife and complete custody. I just want to thank you for keeping me calm during the horrible process. I want to wish your son well because I heard from your assistant what was wrong. I cannot imagine going through such a thing. Good luck and thank you again._

I smiled because this is just one reason I loved my job. I helped people in a way people couldn't help people. I bit down on my lip as I answered the get-well emails and I thanked people for thinking of Collin and I. I rubbed my eyes as I pushed away from my desk, "Gabi," I spun in my chair to see one of the first-years.

"Hi," I said with a smile, "I didn't expect to see anybody in your office. You scared me." I pushed back in the chair to sit up straight, "I needed to get away for a little bit. When you are a lawyer everyday you try to get away from the office but when you become a mother you try to get away from hospitals. It's a crazy mix." I said as I stared off into space, "How is Collin?"

"Tired, sick, full of drugs," I answered, I was being brutally honest right now and I wondered if I should even be at this office right now. I wasn't in a good mood. "Oh, I hope he gets better. He is a fun little guy."

"Thanks, I hope he does too," my eyes went back to the computer screen, "Is he getting enough rest?"

"When he isn't getting sick," annoyance rolled off my tongue as I shut down my computer, "I think it is time for me to go."

"I didn't mean to run you off."

"No, I just, I need some fresh air and I need to just get away for a little bit."

"Well I hope to see you in the office soon. We miss you around here."

"Thanks. Tell everybody I said hello."

"I will,"

I dashed from the office faster than I arrived. I am glad I didn't work because I didn't like getting the looks of sympathy from people who hadn't been around me. Sam and Mariah didn't give me those looks. They understood those looks and rolled their eyes when they got them. Those are the people I understood. I don't know a world without cancer in it any longer. I didn't want the looks anymore and I didn't want to have to go through this. I wanted mostly everything to go back to normal.

Letting out a long breath, I got into the parking garage and I didn't know where to go. I felt trapped everywhere I went and I just wanted to feel free. My body didn't want to feel trapped in a cubical; it didn't want to be trapped in a room, or with a lot of clothes. I just wanted to breathe.

Driving, I went to the first park that I knew of. I pushed the car into park and I left my car. I lay down on the grass and I breathed in the air around me. I didn't know how to do this anymore.

* * *

"Sam," she looked up from her laptop and she gave me a soft smile, "What's up?" I went over as I sat down next to her, I pulled my knees up close to my chest while I let in a big breath in and then another big breath out. I tried to focus my breathing as I battled tears. The boys had gone to bed a little while ago and I couldn't focus any longer.

"How do you keep doing this?" I asked her, my eyes turned to face her and her smile faltered into a frown. "Oh Gabi," I wiped away tears, "How do you keep doing this? How do you keep going on and how do you keep smiling?" she wrapped her arms around me while I cried. "There are some really hard days. There are some days you just never understand."

"I went to my office today, the place I always felt more comfortable was my office and going in there today I felt like I was suffocating. It smelled so dirty and people were moving so quickly. People looked at me with sad eyes and those stupid sympathy eyes. I couldn't breath. I was going to go shopping but being in a store with people and they seem to close to me. I just don't know how to do it."

"After spending a while in the hospital it becomes second nature to feel out of place in the real world," she said calmly, Sam rubbed my shoulder as I looked at the TV that was playing a game. The football being thrown down field but missed the receiver by a mere two feet. "I miss my job but getting in my office again, I missed Collin and everything about that."

"I'm sorry Gabi, I hate cancer and what it does to people. It tears people apart and breaks them down but lucky for us Collin and Ryan don't really know the difference. They are just living their lives as normal and have to be stuck in a hospital for a week."

"He isn't my same Collin," I told her, "No, but he is still your little boy." I wiped away my tears as I took a deep breath again, "I sometimes wish I had somebody at night to be with me and to calm all of my fears. Once the dark sets in my mind begins to wonder and the worst of the worst fears seek into my head. I feel like demons trap me in the corner and I feel miserable. Sometimes I just want to sleep but I am clutched over in fear." My eyes stared blankly into space, "I sometimes wish I had a guy who would wrap an arm around my waist, pull me close, and tell me it might just be okay."

"I understand." She said softly, "I understand."

* * *

 _Tuesday, September 23_ _rd_ _, 2014_

"Momma,"

"Hm?" I opened my eyes to see Collin staring over top of me. He grinned and I smiled, "What are you doing sweet boy?" he bounced down onto the bed next to me and I rolled over to kiss his cheek. He wrapped his arm around my neck while I kissed on his beautiful face.

"Can we go play?"

"Maybe later. It is supposed to be chilly today." I told him as I brushed his hair away from his eyes. Collin sat down and he fussed about what I had told him. "Co," I said, "How about we go see a movie today?" I asked him, "I think there is a new Disney movie out we can go and see."

"No,"

"Co,"

"No,"

"But Co," I teased gently but he shook his head, a pout ran over his lips as I pulled him close, "Collin,"

"No, mommy," he pushed away from me and he then started to cry. I sat up as I pulled him into my lap; tears ran down his cheeks as he buried his face into my neck. "Co, what's wrong?" I whispered into his ear as I rubbed his arm. "I don't feel good,"

"I'm sorry sweetie, I am sorry,"

Picking up my cell phone, I called the hospital because he needed something and I didn't have anything to give him. He was so upset as I rubbed his back while the phone rang. "Hello, this is,"

"Hi," I interrupted, "Can I speak to Dr. Bolton please?" the nurse began to say something about him being busy, "Tell him it is Gabi and I need to speak to him," Collin cried louder and I felt my heartache. Normally around this time he was starting to feel better not worse. "Yes ma'am,"

After about two minutes of waiting, "Hello, Dr. Bolton,"

"Troy,"

"Gabi? Is everything okay?"

"I don't know, Collin is really fussy and he is normally getting better by this day but he is complaining of not feelings good and he just cries I don't know what to do,"

"Do you have clinics tomorrow?"

"No, Friday,"

"How about you come in tomorrow morning and I will look over him. We will run his counts and see if they are out of whack. In the meantime, I am going to prescribe him some anti-nausea meds and some pain meds. Alright?"

I wiped under my eyes as his crying could most likely be heard through the telephone. "Okay,"

"You're alright Gabi, he is going to be fine. It's okay to have some moments like this. It's okay," he soothed, I don't know why I listened to his voice of all voices but I did. He told me everything was going to be okay. He is what I wanted. I needed him. It relaxed me and I took a deep breath, "Thank you Dr. Bolton,"

"No problem. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Does ten work?"

"Ten is perfect,"

"Good. I'll see you then,"

He hung up the phone after I said good-bye. I pushed my cell phone off to the side as I just rubbed Collin's back trying to get him to relax. His sobs muffled into my chest while I kissed on his forehead. "I love you sweet boy, I love you."

"No, momma," he pushed away from me and I let him go as he rolled onto his side, his legs tucking in underneath of him. I lay on my side as I rubbed his back gently, my hand moving up and down. Pulling the blankets up around us, I pulled him back against me, my lips pressed to his temple until he fell back asleep. Once he was out, I stood up and I slipped out into the living room. Sam was sitting on the couch with her boyfriend.

"Grant Kennedy," I said quickly, he turned around to look at me and he grinned, "Ms. Montez, I heard a rumor that you were living with my girlfriend." I smiled as I went to the coffee pot to pour myself a cup of coffee. "She is technically living with me." I told him as I took a sip of my coffee, "I also heard that you were in the same predicament as my girlfriend," I nodded my head sharply, "I am. Sam is actually been helping me a lot."

"I'm glad. I kind of miss you in the courtroom. Nobody can test me quite like you can." I couldn't help but grin at this statement, Sam smiled, "I kind of like that my best friend and my boyfriend get along."

"We don't." we both said automatically, we both chuckled in amusement while Grant pulled Sam closer to him. "I mean we don't get along in a court room. We got into a screaming match one time," I cringed thinking back to that day. "I was really into that case."

"I think I figured that out." Grant said, I smiled, "Good."

"The judge about threw me in jail," Grant replied, "I think we were both close to jail together."

"You both really love your job."

"I completely love my job." Grant said, "I love my job too but I love my son a lot more." Grant nodded, "Your replacement is just not that good." I sighed, "I know, my inbox is full of emails from clients asking me for help because whoever took over for me is apparently not capable of doing my job."

"You just set a really high bar."

"Apparently. I plan on coming back but I have to get my son through chemo and stuff first. I actually went to the office not that long ago."

"Can you not do both?"

"No, I mean he randomly could just end up in the hospital and you know how judges are. It is there schedule. Not ours." Grant let a slow smile run over his lips and he nodded, "Is that true?"

"Very," Grant confirmed, "If I have a meeting but court is called into session, it is court first man. You don't mess around with the judge. You want to stay on their good side."

"And for us Judge Madison hates us."

"After that screaming match I would just throw all of our cases into the trash," I joked, Grant laughed with a smile, "I do miss you Montez. Life isn't the same." I took another drink of the warm coffee. "I miss it more than I realize."

"Hey, is Collin okay? I heard him crying earlier,"

"I don't know. He is normally getting better but he is getting worse. I called Troy and he prescribed anti-nausea meds and some pain medication. We also have a clinic appointment tomorrow at ten," I said with a smile, "The joy of cancer."

"I bet his counts are low,"

"I wish we didn't have to worry about this." I rubbed my face and I put my coffee down. "I am going to go take a shower and get ready. Nice catching up with you Grant."

"Hopefully you'll be seeing me around me," Sam rolled her eyes, "He is getting a little happy," she said, I smiled, "He is a good guy…just not in court," Grant smiled, "I'll take it for now."

"I do think I have the winning record,"

"Oh shush," I reminded him, "You got lucky on the Miranda case because my client was an idiot," I murmured to him, "Oh lord, you two are annoying." I smiled as I stood up, "I'll talk to you guys later."

* * *

 _Wednesday, September 24_ _th_ _, 2014_

A knock came at the door as Collin slept in my lap. Dr. Bolton entered the room with a sigh, "Hey," his eyes drifted to Collin who was fast asleep in my lap after crying over giving blood. "Hi,"

"His counts are low but they are borderline." He rubbed his face while he looked over at me, "He looks in bad shape," he pushed off the counter, "Has he been eating?" I watched him move, as he seemed restless, "A little He doesn't have the biggest of appetite when he is puking it all up."

"Did you get the medication yesterday?"

"Yes, it mostly makes him want to sleep," I said waving my hand in front of him, Troy nodded, "I don't know, I think it is just another rough reaction to the chemo. His counts aren't anything I can take care of yet. If I could do something I would. He has lost some weight though; we need him to continue to eat. If not he will end up in here to get food and nutrition."

"I'm not starving him," the accusation seemed too much and Dr. Bolton looked at me with shock, "I wasn't accusing you of starving him. This happens with a lot of younger patients. They don't feel good and their first reaction is to not eat. It isn't your fault." He said softly, he looked distressed and exhausted. He looked how I felt. "I have had a rough morning and I am tired." He sat down on the stool as he squeezed the back of his neck. "Are you okay Troy?"

"I shouldn't talk about it with you. I don't need you freaking out." His blue eyes were so honest that he could never hide the truth. Troy Bolton looked at me and I reached over to touch his hand. It seemed to take him by surprise but I kept my eyes on him.

"Troy,"

"I had a young patient die this morning from cancer, it wasn't easy for the mom and she reminds me a lot of you and I can't see you go through the same exact thing." He faced me again as I squeezed Collin towards me. "How do you do this everyday?"

"Because yesterday I got to tell a family that their daughter was cancer free." My eyes looked into his as I wondered what went on in his head 90% of the time. "That seems like a great moment."

"I am going to give you that moment and for that to happen he needs to eat. If he doesn't he'll be admitted into the hospital because he needs strength." I nodded my head and Troy shook his head, "I hate Wednesdays." He said, "My least favorite day out of the entire week."

"Really?"

"Really," his blue eyes connected with mine and he turned around, "I'll see you guys next week. If he gets worse call me on Friday. I'll squeeze him in before I leave. I am hoping his counts are actually rebounding and not going down. Okay?"

"Thank you Troy and I hope your day turns upwards."

"Me too. I wish Collin was awake, he can normally make me smile."

"Those pills just are making him so tired."

"They are supposed too in a way. It eases his pain a little bit." Dr. Bolton looked at me, "How are you doing?"

"I just want my son to feel better."

"I wish I could make it faster."

"Should I tell his dad?" I asked, he was caught off guard by the question I had asked, he stood a little straighter and he took a deep breath, "I mean, if it was you that didn't have your son would you want to know?"

"I am his mother though. I have this need for him but his dad doesn't even know he exists in any way. I just feel like if I keep it that way then his dad has nothing to worry about."

"It is your choice but if it was my kid, I would want to know."

* * *

 _Thursday, September 25_ _th_ _, 2014_

Gabi's POV

My mind began to wonder about what I could do to improve Collin's life. I felt like we were stuck in a house, that we couldn't move and if we breathed too hard then our lives would explode of cancer cells.

I was at a loss for what to do next.

My eyes looked over at Collin who was sleeping, he was doing much better today after a full forty-eight hours of antibiotics. He was beginning to perk up more and be happier. He was running around and eating a little bit more food, not a bunch but more to make me worry less.

I couldn't believe how long it had been since he was in daycare and I went to work and had a normal day.

I wanted to have a normal day of life.

Sliding out of the bed, I went into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Maybe I couldn't have a completely normal day but I could have something close to it. Collin and I could go out, do a little bit of shopping, let him pick out two new toys. We could then get some lunch at our favorite burger place, go play in the jungle gym at the park.

Collin and I could have a normal day with a little bit of cancer infested into our lives. The coffee began to sputter out of the machine, the smell filtered into the small apartment as I reached into the fridge to pull out half and half and some leftover pancake batter from two days ago.

I searched for the bacon and once I found it I pulled it out, as I would make Collin a good breakfast this morning. Normal.

"Do I smell coffee?" I turned around to see Sam and I nodded, "You do indeed smell coffee,"

"Smells fantastic." She stumbled into the kitchen, "What are you doing today?" I asked, "I think I am going to head into work for a little bit. I may have paid time off but I still need to see what is going on."

"Who is going to watch Ryan?"

"My mom. She wanted some time with him so I agreed. What are you doing today?"

"Normal," I told her, I heated the skillet and she raised an eyebrow, "Normal?" I nodded, "Normal."

"What about your life is normal anymore?"

"Nothing. That is why we are having a day completely away from cancer. I need a break for one day. Collin is finally on the mend and his counts must have bounced up because he is doing better."

"What is going to consist in your day of normal?"

"What Collin and I would used to do before he got sick on a Saturday, after a long week of me working late and being gone a lot." My mind wondered back to those times where he would be stuck with a babysitter until ten at night because I was swamped at the office. I would get home and he would not have really seen me at all that day.

Normally my whole week went like that and then the Saturday I would have a Collin and mommy day.

"What did you guys do?"

I smiled, "We would eat breakfast in bed and cuddle while we watched one of his favorite TV shows. After that we would both get ready and I promised him a trip to the toy store to make the process easier, Collin normally caught on towards the end of when we were doing this what was going to happen." I told her, "Then we would do a little bit of clothes shopping before we would go from toy store to toy store to find two of the toys that he really wants."

"Wow, sounds intense,"

"It is intense. I normally got frustrated but he would always make good choices." I said with a smile, "After that we go to Parks or Kelly's to get lunch followed by an afternoon at the park playing on the jungle gym. Collin normally falls asleep in the car on the way to our dinner choice so we come home and eat cereal and watch a movie."

"Wow. That is pretty awesome."

I flipped the pancakes while I cooked the bacon, "I have perfected it over the years of me working like I do. I just feel so bad those weeks."

"How often do they happen?"

"Every quarter or so. Four times a year and now he is doing all of the work. His body is fighting so hard he needs a break this time."

"I hope he can get a break."

"Me too."

* * *

Collin surveyed the toys in front of him and then he ran down the aisle to look at something else. I smiled because so far this day has been a complete success. We went and found him some really cozy PJ's he could wear during chemo.

We then found mommy some new sweat pants and hoodies for her to wear in the hospital, along with a new pair of leggings and some sweatshirts from Pink

Collin also wanted to get a new Denver Bronco's shirt to wear at the hospital with a pair of sweat pants.

We are now on the search for good toys that we could play with at the hospital. He pointed a couple out and I would pick up smaller ones to put into the cart so he could have a new toy for every chemo session he had to endure.

There was no such thing as spoiling him now, he was going through hell, and he was going to get what he wanted.

"Mommy, I think I want this one!" He pointed to a board game, a good option for the hospital. It was a match game and it had sports of all sorts over top of it. I smiled because it was a great option for the hospital.

"I like that one, do you want to go to another store or do you want something else from here?" I questioned, he turned around in a circle then darted down the aisle. His little legs only carrying him so far and so fast down the aisle.

I followed closely behind as his Bronco's hat fell off his head. He stopped in his tracks and turned back to grab it. "I don't want anybody to see me without my hair." He said in a rush, his mood ruined as he put his hat back on. His little face upset while he fixed his hat.

My heart broke in half because cancer found a way to invade our lives on a normal day. Cancer had fucking found us.

"Co, it's okay for people to see you without hair," I bent over in front of him and he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care but you look so sad when you see me without my hair."

God Damn three-year olds

"I'm not sad sweetie," I told him, "I love your little bald head." I took his hat off his head and I began to kiss his shiny baldhead. "I love how I can kiss it over and over again. I like seeing it wrinkle up when you think too hard. I love your little bald head."

"Then why do you look sad?" he questioned, "I don't like seeing you have to go to the hospital all the time and not feeling good. That makes mommy sad."

"Then let's stop going there," his voice was desperate and I bit down hard on my lip to the point blood was on my tongue. "I wish we could buddy but if we don't you are going to get really sick."

"Am I sick now mommy?" I felt tears well in my eyes but I held them back and nodded my head, "You are Co," my voice broke as I said it as his chin wiggled.

Tears welled in to his eyes as everything he was finally realizing why he kept going to the hospital and why he felt so crappy. Everything hit him like a ton of bricks and he was only three. He was just three.

"It's okay Co," I pulled him into my arms as he started to cry. I swallowed against the lump of my throat pushing my own tears away. I sat down on the floor of the toy store as Collin cried into my arms coming to the realization that he was sick.

He realized he was sicker than any three-year old should be.

"I'm sorry mommy, I don't want to be sick." This pained me even more, he felt like he was hurting me. "Oh Co baby," I rubbed his back, "This is not your fault okay?" I pulled him back so I could look into his eyes, "This is not your fault okay? You didn't get sick on purpose. You got sick by accident and it is going to last a long time."

His big eyes were still full of big round tears. "It's okay, Dr. Bolton is going to make you better."

I wiped his cheeks from the big tears, "I love you Co,"

"I love you momma," he kissed my cheek and I hugged my little guy. He was starting to understand too much for his young age and it broke my heart.

I wanted him to be three.

"How about we go pick out another toy okay? Then you can choose between Parks or Kelly's okay?"

He nodded his head as he rubbed at his eyes, I wasn't sure if he was going to make it to the park today. I kissed his forehead as I got up from the floor. It didn't hit me that we just had a crying fest in the middle of the toy store.

Collin walked down to the aisle that he wanted as he began to look around at the toys here. I picked up his hand as I squeezed it gently to know he wasn't alone.

"Do I have to get the yucky medicine again?" he asked me after a couple of minutes, I nodded, "You do buddy,"

"Will Dr. Bolton be there?"

"Of course,"

"Can I get a game for us to play together?"

Not wanting to make this kid any more upset than he already was I just nodded my head. "Of course, what game?"

"Connect 4," he said pointing at it, I nodded, "Great choice. I bet he will love to play with you."

We had played connect 4 at the hospital a couple of times. Once I taught him how to play he caught on and loved it. He wiped at his nose while we took our games to the front. He lifted his arms and I picked him up and he snuggled into my shoulder.

I put up the other toys he was looking at and the lady gave me a sympathetic look and I knew she saw that had happened.

Cancer prevented any kind of normal we had and that made me _angry_. The lady loaded the cart for me. "Thank you,"

"I'm praying for you guys," she said softly, "Thank you," I told her and I walked out of the store.

I loaded Collin up into his car seat and he was sleepy. Normally he was excited to go a day without a nap but today he wasn't going to make it. He was tired and worn down from our morning activities.

"Kelly's or Parks?" I asked him, "Kelly's," he mumbled, I kissed his cheek, "Kelly's it is."

* * *

Collin finished eating on my lap and by the time he finished his last bite he had fallen asleep against me. I held him like he was a newborn and I finished eating my own food. I rubbed his shoulder gently while I sat outside and I watched the cars pass by. My eyes looked out of the window to see a bunch of kids playing away. They were all laughing and having a good time. Collin should be having a good time.

Looking down at him, I adjusted his hat away from his face, as I just wanted to cry thinking about our interaction earlier today. I hated how he figured it all out. I hated how he saw how much it hurt me. I hated everything about what happened at the toy store. Finishing my plate of food, I rested my fork down and then I pushed away my food.

He seemed peaceful in his sleep and I didn't want to even get up because disrupting him would be horrible. I paid and left a decent tip before I headed to the car. Collin didn't even wake up once during the transition as I buckled him in.

Once we started driving, I started crying. Tears ran down my face faster than I could ever stop, I had to pull over because I couldn't see. My chest hurt from holding back the ugly sobs that wanted to escape and I tried to breath. I tried to remember to breath but I was scared if I breathed then I would sob and wake Collin.

I didn't want Collin to see me cry anymore but this hurt so bad. This all hurt.

I took my shirt to wipe the tears away and I took several big deep breaths to calm my body down. I kept looking back at Collin who was still asleep. Once I was better, I pulled my car back out into traffic.

Driving back to the apartment, I felt sad, as we didn't get to finish our day out like I wanted too. Cancer had pushed itself in front again. We weren't able to play with the other children. Collin wasn't able to run up the stairs as I chased after him and he went sliding down the slid for me to be there waiting. His squeals of laughter, I didn't get to hear those all because he was tired. It wasn't his fault he was tired.

This day wasn't normal because Collin only cried in the toy store when he couldn't get what he wanted. He cried this time because he finally realized that he was sick.

Collin didn't eat half of his food at Kelly's.

He loves Kelly's and eats all of his food.

Collin hates taking naps but here he was sleeping in the back of my car because cancer has sucked everything out of him.

Cancer made me angry.

I got Collin out of his car seat as I headed inside to our apartment. Once I got inside I laid him down in my bed while I went back to get all of our bags. I was tired and defeated after trying to do something so normal and it ending in tears and naps.

Putting away the toys he didn't know about and then putting his other ones out for later. I put all of our new clothes into the laundry bin for them to get washed before we wear them.

I then went into the bedroom as I cuddled up next to Collin.

Nobody judged me anymore for cuddling with Collin too much. Nobody judged me for buying him too many toys. Nobody judged me for sitting on the floor with my sick child as he cried into my chest.

Tears welled up into my eyes as I pressed my lips against his temple. I tried to push back tears but I didn't want to start crying now. I needed somebody and I didn't want to ruin Sam's day. Mariah was out of town with the kids visiting a relative of some sort. I didn't want to intrude on any of them. I rolled onto my back as my shoulders shook with cries again because I was defeated at this point. My brain thought back to his face and how upset he was.

I was no longer judged on anything I did because _only certain_ people understand what this is. Only _some_ people get what this feels like but the general population doesn't understand how any of this works. They don't understand cancer and if they do they get that you need to spoil your child endlessly and love him beyond words.

Cancer was bossy as hell and you never know when things would take a drastic turn for the worse.

* * *

 **This chapter broke my heart as I wrote it so I hope you didn't cry too much!**

 **Thanks for being kind and lovely! Keep enjoying the story!**

 **Please Review!**


	8. Attachment

Chapter 8 – Attachment

" _Being a mother is learning about the strengthens you didn't know you had, and dealing with the fears you didn't know existed"_

No mother ever imagined taking their child to the hospital and getting a cancer diagnosis in return.

No mother imagined watching their child die in front of them.

No mother ever imagined how hard it would be to watch your child go through something like this.

Mothers shouldn't have to go through this but this is when their real sides come out. Women learn how strong they can really be for the little people they love the most. You feel this overpowering need to just crawl over them and protect them from any harm. Mothers don't want their kids to get sick, they don't want them to cry or feel pain. They want them to be happy.

At night when the kids are finally quiet and the strength disappears, it loosens and turns into Jell-O and suddenly that's when the fear creeps in. Your heart races and your hands begin to shake. You don't know how to handle such fear and you have to get out of bed. You have to leave the room before you wake up your little one and you have to pull the strength back together in a matter of Nano-seconds.

Sliding down a wall at two in the morning with tears soaking on your cheeks. Covering your mouth to stop any sobs that may leave your throat. Doing everything to make the fear disappear because when it comes down to it…fear overpowers strength in the dark.

* * *

Troy's POV

 _Tuesday, September 30_ _th_ _, 2014_

I twirled my water bottle in a circle while I watched my dad cook on the grill. It was probably our last solid beautiful day in Colorado before shit hit the fan. I took a deep breath in of the thin air when my dad turned around to look at me. "What are you doing here?" I looked up, "Huh?"

"You are normally always at the hospital on Tuesdays,"

"Slow week apparently," I mumbled, my head was fogged with grief after the last week that I had. Too many patients died and not enough lived. "Your mom told me about last week," my dad took a seat next to me while I ringed the back of my neck. "I don't know Dad, maybe I'm not good at this."

"Troy, you are doing a hell of a job. It was a bad week."

"Three kids in one week," my gut wrenched in the thought of it all, "I don't think this is going to be strong enough," my dad said taking my water bottle away from me, I grabbed it back, "I'm on call." I told him, "I can't get drunk but I sure as hell would love too." My dad sighed softly while Marcus bust through the screen, "Troy, nice of you to show up to a family event every once in a while." I barely managed a smile on my face and Marcus saw right through it. I hated how he knew me so well.

"Rough week?"

"Something like that," I told him, "How is that new case coming?" Marcus asked, I groaned, "Alright, can we please keep off that case?"

"Is he in hospice?" Marcus said, I shook my head, "No, that is just complicated." I declared. My dad and Marcus shared a look between each other. "That doesn't sound like cancer complicated. That sounds like…complicated." I bit down on my lip gently with a shrug, "I don't know, it is complicated."

"What kind of complicated."

"Just complicated." I finished, my mom and sister walked out the back of the door as they were setting the table. Once my mom sat down the bowl full of bread. She then squeezed my shoulders gently, "Do you want to talk?" she asked, I shook my head; she was the last person I needed to talk about with this. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure sweetie?" I nodded, "Mom, really," I looked at her and she nodded her head, "Okay,"

Sammy sat down next to me and she rested her head onto my shoulder, "Where is Allen?"

"Broke up," Sammy mumbled, "Douchebag," Marcus and I shared a look between each other, a small victory between each other. "Where is Sarah, Marcus?" Sammy asked, Marcus shot a look to Sammy, "We broke up," he mumbled back, "Can any of my kids keep a partner?" my mom cried, "I am going to be eighty before I have grandchildren!"

"Yea Troy, where is the girls at?"

"I'm married to work. If mom wants a grandchild she can come up to the hospital and pick a child to spoil." My mom turned away from the news and I swallowed against the lump in my throat, "There actually is a girl," My dad and Marcus both looked at me with a quick glance, "What?" I picked at the food on my plate, "It's complicated though." Forks clattered against the glass plates, I looked up at Marcus and he grinned, "That's why that case is so complicated."

"Hell," I muttered, "Is she married?"

"No."

"But she has a kid?"

"Yes, he is three,"

Marcus frowned, "He is your Neuroblastoma case that you have been addicted too." My mom looked at me and I cleared my throat, "Yes, that is the one. She is a single mother and is having a rough time. We have bonded a lot. She has brought me dinner, I have brought her dinner and well that is about it. It has been a rough time for her."

"Anyways, Marcus, what happened with Sarah?" we all noticed the conversation jump to another subject but for good reason.

* * *

 _Wednesday, October 1_ _st_ _' 2014_

"Collin, you need to eat," I said gently, he turned away and shook his head, "I'm not hungry!" he yelled, definite in the matter that he wasn't going to eat his food today. I let out a sigh as I rubbed my forehead.

He had barely eaten a thing in three days and he refused to do anything but lay on the couch. We had clinics tomorrow so I was hoping I could get him to eat something today. Troy's warning about being admitted into the hospital was a real worry of mine because he has barely eaten a thing since we had last talked to Dr. Bolton.

He would take a couple of bites of food and then protest further. "Collin, please, or we are going to have to make a trip to Dr. Bolton."

"No!" He screamed and ran off to our room. I coved my face with my hands as I took in even breaths. I didn't understand why he wasn't eating. I didn't get why he hasn't had a full meal since his last chemo.

I was trying everything. I was googling ways to get him to eat. I gave him whatever he asked for but even then he would take a simple bite. I could see the weight falling off of him and I didn't know what else to do.

Sam came out of her room, "Hey," I gave a faint smile, "I heard Collin, still the battle of food?" I nodded my head, "What else could it be?"

"Has he been drinking water?"

"Not these past couple of days. He has to be dehydrated and tired and sick of everything. I don't know Sam," I pressed my hands to both sides of my head and I took a calm breath to relax. "You should probably call Troy today, he obviously isn't going to eat and Troy warned you last week."

"I feel like an awful parent," I said quietly, Sam came over to hug me, "It's okay, you aren't an awful parent. An awful parent wouldn't care. You care above and beyond. You are doing your job to the best of your abilities."

"We have clinics tomorrow." I said quietly, "Call him today," she slid my cell phone over to me and I understood that a great parent would call before he passed out from lack of water or nutrients. He was three and didn't understand that this was hurting him more than I could help.

I dialed Troy's number and a nurse picked up the phone, "Hello, oncology ward,"

"Hi, I need to speak with Dr. Bolton," I said, my voice was barely above a whisper as my heart hurt. "Sure, give me one moment,"

The call was transferred and he picked up, "Dr. Bolton,"

"Troy,"

"Gabi, is everything alright?" his voice was more alert and attentive as he heard mine. "Collin is refusing water and food for the past three days."

"Shit," he mumbled, clearly disappointed as I was as well. "Can you bring him in?" he asked, "Probably for a couple of days," he ended with, I tired to control my emotions over the phone and I nodded, "Yes, if that will make him better."

"I can only help with the tools I have here. We can get him an IV going to rehydrate him and we'll run labs to see his nutrition levels. Okay?"

"Yes, do I just come up to the floor?"

"Yes, I will clear a space out for you. Be here in an hour or so?"

"Okay,"

"I'll see you in a bit,"

"Got it,"

* * *

Collin screamed bloody murder as I picked him up off the living room floor, "Collin Thomas," he only cried harder as I had already packed the car up with things to last us a few days.

"No mommy, I don't want to go, I hate you," he tried to push away from me as he cried harder. "Collin," my heart defeated by the words I hate you coming from his mouth. "No, I don't want too," he squirmed harder and broke free from my grasp. He ran into my room and slammed the door shut again. The twist of the lock sounding from the inside, that child knew too much.

"Collin Thomas, you open this door right now," I knocked on it and he yelled more things and he cried further. Sam had left with Ryan to go do something because their chemo was next week so they were getting out of the apartment frequently.

"Collin, Dr. Bolton has a new game for you to play." I said, "He really wants to see you and you guys can play the new games we got okay?"

"No!"

"Dr. Bolton really wants to though! He even told me!"

I reached above the door for the key to unlock the door, I twisted it and the door loosened. I opened it and Collin was sitting on the floor with tears streaming down his face. "Co, baby,"

"Mommy, I don't want to go,"

"I know sweet boy," I picked him up and I rubbed his back gently, "I am going to help you feel better this time. No yucky medicine okay?"

"No," his protest was tiny this time and I took the moment to quickly move out of the apartment. Once the door was locked, I hurried Collin down to the car and once he realized what was happening he began to throw a fit again.

Opening the car door, I got him into his buckle and once it was snapped shut he went to undo it.

"Collin, no, we aren't going to see Dr. Troy anymore okay?" he looked up at me and stopped fighting the restraints. "Where?" he asked, all sniffled up, "We are going to go to the park instead okay? Is that okay?"

He nodded his head and leaned back into his car seat. I hated that I just lied to him because now he couldn't trust me but I didn't need him unbuckling his seat belt, opening his door, and falling onto the street.

I would rather him distrust me than be dead.

I am trying to prevent him from death right now.

Starting the car, I drove and I drove for what felt like ever. I locked the doors of the car as we pulled into the hospital but when I looked back Collin was asleep. This chemo round killed him and I felt awful for it. Parking in the parking garage I put my purse over my shoulder while I picked Collin up from his car seat.

Walking in to the hospital I did a familiar route that I hated was familiar. I pulled out my I.D. and the security guard gave a badge to allow me access to the building.

Getting on the elevators, I made it up to the floor and the first thing I saw was Dr. Bolton talking to a nurse about something. He looked up as I exited the elevator.

Our eyes connected for a brief moment and then he looked at the nurse to excuse him from the situation.

"Gabi," I nodded my head, "Come on, your room is ready,"

"Thank you," Troy guided me down to the room and I rested Collin onto the bed, he limped over as he was still sleeping. "He is going to need to change into a gown this time just because of testing,"

"That's fine,"

"Are you alright?" I blinked away tears as I looked at Collin, so tiny and pale looking. Sick.

"I don't know, once he wakes up he is going to be so angry. He locked himself in my room because he didn't want to come. I had to lie to him for him to stop screaming and fighting me on this."

"I'm so sorry Gabi," I covered my face, "I keep giving him all the food he wants and he takes a bite and says he is done. I give him water and he doesn't touch it. I am out of ideas,"

"This is your next option," Troy's fingers wrapped around my wrists as he made me look at him, "You are doing the best job you can possibly do with this situation. Let me take over from here, alright?" My mind couldn't get past his fingers wrapped around my wrist. The way his skin felt against mine made me heart race.

I nodded my head and he pulled me into a hug, I fell into his embrace, as I felt better just being like this. I finally had somebody to support me for a minute. His arms were so strong as he held me against his chest. "It is going to be okay." He said quietly, I backed out of his embrace as I looked at his face. A flicker of emotion rushed over as his eyes strained to stay on mine as all they wanted to do was fall a couple of inches. I wanted to touch him again, anywhere.

Troy cleared his throat carefully, "We'll get a nurse in here to change him and then run some tests, fill him up with fluids and hopefully we don't have to do a feeding tube." He said quietly, I nodded my head as Collin stirred from his sleep. He rubbed his eyes and I held my breath because I didn't know how he was going to react. He wasn't where he thought he would be. He was in the hospital. He sat up and looked at Dr. Troy and started to cry.

His eyes looked at me and my heart broke, "Momma you lie!" he yelled, "No," he slipped off the bed, and started to move to the door but Troy blocked him. He picked up a screaming Collin and tried to calm him down. "Collin, hey buddy," Collin screamed as he tried to get away from Troy and I just sank in my chair not sure what I was supposed to do. Troy began to whisper to him about something and he started to calm down. His breathing labored as he rested his head on Troy's chest.

Troy held him for a while longer as his breathing returned to normal and Troy continued to talk to him. I knew he had other patients that he needed to be tending too so I got up. "Troy, I can take him." I said softly, "It's okay." Troy said looking at me, "He finally just relaxed,"

"What did you say to him?"

"That's between us," Troy said with a small smile, I shook my head as I rubbed his back gently. "You seem to be better at this than me."

"I have been doing this part a lot longer than you."

Looking up at him I sighed, "I told you he was going to be angry."

"They normally are. Wouldn't you be angry?"

"I am angry."

"Do you want to be here?"

I shook my head, "No, I really don't."

"Exactly and then be three and have no idea why."

"He sort of figured it out. That's when he really stopped eating."

"What do you mean he figured it out?" Troy asked, I sighed, "We were at the toy store and he kind of just asked me if he was sick and I said yes and I believe he understands that this isn't going away tomorrow."

"I'm sorry Gabi,"

"It's okay…" the words escaped my mouth and I looked at Troy holding my son like it was his own son. I looked at him whisper soft promises into his ear. I looked at him and I wanted him to hug me again and I wanted him to pull me close to kiss me.

Fuck.

* * *

Troy's POV

Looking into Collin's room, I tapped my finger to the desk as I was waiting for his lab results to come back while he was hooked up getting fluids to rehydrate him. He was already in better spirits than before. He was mad when I had to leave the room but I told him I would be back later to play a game if he was good for his mom for a couple of hours.

When he accused Gabi of lying, I felt my heart shatter for her and when he started screaming I just picked him up and tried to relax him. I whispered to him about how much he was hurting his mommy, how she just wanted him to feel better and how she loved him so much. He said something back and he began to relax as I told him we could play games and a bunch of other stuff. "Hello, earth to Troy," I blinked up as I saw Marcus, "Marcus," I said with a smile. I stood up as he hugged me from across the counter.

"Why are you staring into that room? Freaky much?" I cleared my throat casually and he raised an eyebrow, "No way!" I only nodded my head slowly as I smiled, "Yea, she isn't having the greatest day though,"

"Can I hang out in there?"

"What?" I muttered, "Are you insane?"

"Why? Does she not know?"

"What?" I muttered looking at him, "What does she not know?"

"Your attraction to her!"

"She knows, I mean we haven't said it aloud but I mean…"

"Tension,"

"A little," I hesitated slightly and I looked into the room to see Collin moving forward to grab something from Gabi. Marcus smiled, "Is that her?" he nodded his head to her in the corner and I nodded my head, "Yes,"

"She is pretty," Marcus, agreed, I nodded, "She is beautiful and I have never seen her besides in this state." I hesitated, "Besides the one time I ran into her at Parks and had dinner with her."

"WHAT?" Marcus yelped, my eyes darted back into the room and then I shoved Marcus, "Shut the hell up," I mumbled to him, "You are being ridiculous." Marcus smirked, "Dude, you are i e,"

"I barely know her,"

"Dr. Bolton," my head swirled around at the sound of her voice, she had pulled her hair back into a ponytail and she eyed Marcus next to me. "Are you the brother?" she asked, a smirk came over Marcus face because I had talked about my family, and something I don't do with patients.

"The older, cooler, more sophisticated brother…" Marcus said with a smile, I rolled my eyes, "Older by what? Six years?" Gabi asked, I sucked in a laugh while Marcus looked at her dumbfounded; I bit on my lip as I tried really hard to not laugh but Gabi winked at me. "That was rude, do I really look that old?" Marcus, mumbled, "I'm kidding. It must be ten."

I couldn't hold it in any further as I laughed and turned around from both of them. "Troy, why are you not backing me up?"

"She knows how old you are stupid," I told him, Gabi couldn't resist a laugh any longer, I reached over for a high five and she rewarded but I wanted to hold her hand forever. Our eyes connected for a moment and Marcus crossed his arms looking at her. "You are sassy."

"I have been locked in the hospital all day. I don't know what else you want me to be."

"Tired?"

"I am that,"

"Gabi, I would love to formally introduce you to Marcus my older brother, by 18 months, and Marcus I would like for you to meet one of my favorite patients mother, Gabi,"

"Nice to meet you," Marcus said sticking out his hand, she shook it and she smiled, "Nice to meet you too."

I cleared my throat as I looked at Gabi, "Did you need something?" I asked, "Just wondering about his labs,"

"They should be back soon. I'll come talk to you once I know," she nodded and went back into the room with Collin. Once she was seated I turned around and squeezed the back of my neck. "Holy hell dude, I can see why you are attracted to her. She is funny, smart, witty, and so fine."

"So fine?"

"Beautiful." He corrected, I nodded my head as I took a deep breath, and "I am treating her child for Neuroblastoma,"

"I know," Marcus, said quietly, "It's so much like hers too…"

Marcus patted my back gently, "It's alright buddy, what you really need to focus on is getting her on a date."

"We kind of had the one at Parks and I brought her food last time they were in here."

"A date where you can kiss the hell out of her at the end."

"Stop putting thoughts into my head please,"

"Oh Troy boy wants to take her to an empty room,"

"Marcus!"

"I'm going to see some of my favorite people," Marcus said backing away, "I'll catch you later,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

"Can Dr. Troy come in here now?" Collin asked, I flipped through the magazine, "Dr. Troy will come in here when Dr. Troy is ready to come in here." My eyes glanced to the clock to see it was seven at night and I was hungry. Collin hadn't touched food in three days so he had to be starving. "Co, are you hungry?" I asked he shook his head, "No."

"Really Co?"

"Really mama,"

I picked up my cell phone as I looked to see Sam had texted me.

 _Food?_

 _PLEASE!_

She sent me a picture of pizza and I agreed. A knock came at the door and Troy was standing before me, he nudged to the hallway and I agreed. I stood up and I went outside the door to where I could still see Collin. "I finally got the lab results back," he said, I looked at him and he sighed, "It doesn't look good. His nutrition levels are all low and if the chemo is making him react this way I would rather just put in a feeding tube for the rest of his chemotherapy and possibly until he is cancer free. Just to make sure he is always getting enough nutrition and I wouldn't want to take it out and then have to put it back in."

I nodded, "You think that is going to be the best for him?"

"Yes, I do. It will hopefully make him feel a lot better since he will be getting all of the nutrition that he needs. It will probably help him bounce back from Chemo better too when he doesn't want to eat."

"So he can still eat?"

"Yes, I am hoping after a couple of days of tube feedings then we can see if he wants to eat because he will be feeling better. His counts are good and all of that stuff so that lack of eating and dehydration probably made him feel this way."

"Sounds good." I agreed, "When will we do it?"

"I scheduled him for surgery tomorrow at ten in the morning. He will have a couple of more tests run and once it is in place we will do his first feeding. Right now we are going to do a lot of boluses, which is like a big meal but if he starts to eat we might switch him to continuous which is can be done over night so he can eat during the day. We will play that by ear."

"Thank you,"

He nodded, "You are welcome, I'm sorry it had to come to this."

"If this is going to help him feel better I am okay with it. He is a lot better with just water."

"Yea, we need to work on that one," I smiled softly and Troy peered in, "Collin, how about I go change and then we can play a game?" Collin looked at him with a big smile, "Okay!" I looked at him, "Change?"

"If I am going to spend more time here I really don't want to be in slacks and a dress shirt," he said, I raised my eyebrow, "Off the clock?"

"I was off the clock three hours ago." I laughed, "I hope you guys get paid good OT here."

"We do but we have a limit."

"Thank you,"

"Oh yea,"

"Hey," he turned around to face me as he was loosening his tie, "What kind of pizza do you like? Sam is bringing pizza up to me."

He had a small grin come over his face, "Whatever you are having is fine."

"Alright," he backed up a step, "Thanks,"

"No problem,"

His eyes carried mine for another moment but he ducked away and into his office.

* * *

Troy tossed a piece of crust into the pizza box after he polished off half of the large pizza we shared. He took a drink from a bottle of water as he debated his next move against Collin. He tapped his chin and he put in a red chip down the third slot from the right.

Collin frowned as he glanced at his yellow chips next to him, he picked one up and it slid down the thing. Collin frowned as Troy did too. He picked up a red one and slid it in and he moaned, Collin grinned as he picked up the yellow one and slid it down. "MOMMY I WON!" he yelled, I laughed as I kissed the top of Collin's head. "You did, good job buddy."

Troy smiled as he released the bottom and all of the pieces come spilling out. "Collin, I think it's time we let Dr. Troy go home."

"No!" Collin complained his eyes darted from mine to Troy's. "Buddy, you need to get some sleep."

"No! I want Dr. Troy to stay,"

"I'll stay," Troy offered, I looked at him and he nodded, "I'll stay. He has a big day tomorrow and we don't want him all upset."

"He would get over it."

"I want to stay. It's either stay or go home to a lonely house." Troy offered quietly, "I am having more fun here then I would be at home." I finally just nodded my head, as I didn't want to argue with either of them. Troy and Collin proceeded to start another game of Connect Four while I sat back and watched. My mind began to wonder about all of the things going on right now. Collin was having surgery tomorrow, Troy was still here and it was almost ten at night.

I wasn't sure what to think about all of this right now. I curled up in the chair as I heard the squeal of Collin's laughter. Troy and I offered him pizza but he declined and that didn't make Troy happy because Collin really had no appetite for food. "Momma, come here," I looked up at Collin and I wasn't one to argue with him. I crawled into his bed and I curled closer to him. He sat against me and he thought about his next move.

My eyes battled sleep as I was laying down next to Collin, his warmth spreading over me and his little chit chat with Troy, I couldn't resist shutting my eyes.

* * *

Troy's POV

Collin yawned and I glanced to Gabi who was passed out next to him. She was buried underneath of a large hoodie with a pair of yoga pants on. "Collin, it is about time for bed buddy,"

"Will you please stay? You make momma happier." I raised my eyebrow because for a three-year-old he was pretty damn smart and had great vocabulary. "I don't know bud, you need rest."

"I'll sleep and you sleep there." He pointed to the chair and I nodded my head, I can at least stay until he passes out and then I would head home. A nurse came in the room and she stopped to glance at me, "Dr. Bolton,"

"Hi Maggie,"

"I didn't know it was your night to work."

"It isn't. Collin asked me to stay to play some games with him."

"Ms. Montez finally getting some sleep?"

"Yes, and I would love to keep it that way. Collin doesn't need any overnight stuff tonight."

"Not even a change of an IV bag?"

My eyes glanced up at the pole and I shook my head, "He'll be fine."

"Sounds good."

"Maggie, will you get us some blankets please?" she nodded and walked out to the nurse's station. I began to put the games away and I slid them into a spot by the window. Collin was curled into Gabi by the time Maggie came back. I helped put a blanket over the two of them as I reclined back into the chair. I picked up the other blanket for myself as I kicked off my Nike's. I turned the TV off and Collin was in and out of sleep. No soon enough for me to leave yet.

This week had been a much better start than the previous week was. Collin and Gabi made my life a little bit better when they were here. I wanted to keep them here all the damn time. I let out a long yawn as I scrolled through my phone for a while. I sent a text back to Sammy and then another to Marcus. Once I was done, I yawned again and my eyelids shut before I could think about getting up.

* * *

Gabi's POV

Thursday, October 2nd, 2014

Opening my eyes, I glanced out to see the night nurses charting away and the clocks still ticking. I rolled onto my back as I stretched my limbs out, I barely remember falling asleep but Troy must have cleaned everything up and put it all away. Collin was fast asleep next to me as I rubbed his back gently, my lips pressed into his head. I loved cuddling with him but this bed just wasn't big enough for the two of us.

I looked over at the chair and I was startled to see Troy Bolton sleeping in the chair. My eyes glanced up to the clock to see it was six thirty. I didn't know when he was supposed to be at work but I bet you it was soon…I mean, I guess he is technically at work but without clean clothes and a shower.

Getting up, I gently shook his shoulder and he turned his head to the other side. "Troy," I said quietly, he blinked open one eye and he looked at me confused, not sure of his exact whereabouts and then it registered. "Shit," his hand went to his face, "What time does your shift start?"

"Seven," he mumbled, "It's six-thirty," I replied, he groaned, "Shit." He mumbled again, he sat up, "I didn't mean to actually fall asleep here," he said; his hand rubbed the back of his neck. "After you fell asleep Collin and I played a couple more games and when I was getting ready to leave he begged me to stay. In my mind I was only going to stay until he fell asleep and then you are waking me up."

"It's fine," I soothed, "You just might need to get going…"

He sighed, "Do you mind if I take a shower in here? If you are uncomfortable with that I won't but we have a full floor tonight and not a spare bathroom for me to shower in."

"That's fine, I would rather have a clean smelling doctor." He smiled, "Thank you,"

Troy got up slipping his tennis shoes on and went out into the hall and through the nurse's station. That was one walk of shame right there. I stretched and I decided I was going to go for a walk while Troy was in the shower. Troy shuffled back into the room with a change of clothes, "Do you sleep in patients rooms often?" I asked, he laughed, "Sometimes I just don't make it home." He hurried off into the bathroom and I stretched. I switched my shirts and jacket out and I changed into a pair of cropped yoga's.

I grabbed my wallet as I was going to grab a muffin and a coffee from downstairs. I headed out and went to the elevators, I pressed the button and once it arrived I stepped on. Another parent got on with me but I began to play with my phone to avoid interaction with one another. Sam and Mariah had both texted me and I texted them back in a group message about Dr. Troy's overnight stay in our room.

I couldn't believe Collin was so attached to him and the effect he had over me was intense as well. Going to the back of the café I picked up a muffin and I filled two coffee cups up. I stuffed sugars into my pocket and a couple of creams while I went to pay for them. The guy smiled as he asked for five dollars and six cents. I handed over a ten and he gave back my change. I smiled thanking him while I walked to the elevator.

My eyes gazed outside wondering what happened to my life. I wasn't going to dwell on it but I always had a thought filter into my brain about what happened. I sighed as I went up to the elevator pressing the button a couple of times. Once it opened up, I stepped on and I pushed a couple of buttons. I glanced at my phone to see Mariah and Sam texted me back.

I giggled from their responses because I understood that Troy and I needed to address this situation that was happening. There was tension between us and it wasn't good. It was the tension of I wanted to press him up tightly against the wall and do…horrible things to him. I felt my cheeks blush and the elevator opened. Walking down to the room, the shower was off and movement was being heard from inside the bathroom. I took a drink of my coffee when the door opened to the bathroom.

My eyes went from his shoes all the way up to his blue eyes. The black slacks and the light blue shirt pressed against his skin. I focused on his eyes and he tried to deny the smirk on his face. "Is my tie straight?" he asked, I looked at his tie and I nodded, "Yes,"

I lifted the coffee, "I bought you coffee," he smiled, "Thanks I could really use that." I handed it to him and our hands brushed each other. I blushed and I glanced down at the floor, I then looked up at he was staring at me. My cheeks turned another shade and he looked at my lips and then my eyes. Our heads moved a little closer, "Momma," I jumped about twenty feet in the air as Troy cleared his throat. "Yea, uh, I will see you before his surgery."

I nodded as I looked at him, "Yea,"

"Thanks for the coffee." He said, I nodded, "Yes, of course."

Troy walked out of the room and I went to tend to Collin. I smiled softly and I rubbed his foot, "How are you feeling?" I asked him, he shrugged, "Does Dr. Troy make you happy?"

"Why aren't you a smart little boy…"

"Good morning!" a nurse cheered, I smiled looking over at her, thanking God for sending her in.

* * *

Troy's POV

"You almost did what?" Marcus asked, he was clearly entertained and I nodded my head. "Dude, I mean, if Collin wouldn't have said anything."

"Troy, why don't you just do it?"

"Because then we begin to complicate so many different things. I don't want things to get complicated. I don't want her to resent this place because she is going to be spending a lot of time here." Marcus sighed on the other end of the phone, "Dude, like you just said. You are a doctor up there. She will spend a lot of time up there."

"Once the cancer is gone from her life we don't need it invading her life again."

"Stop, Troy, how about you just drag her into your office."

"Stop,"

"Troy, bud, you need to stop acting like this because you are finally attracted to somebody." I rubbed the back of my neck as I glanced at the blank TV in my house. "Last night when I was in the hospital room, she was so relaxed and for once she was a little happy. I don't know, she was smiling and we were laughing. It was a fun night. Now tonight? I am sitting in my house and I am bored out of my fucking mind."

"Go up there."

"It is almost eleven thirty,"

"How is he?"

"It is bad man."

"Shit, does she know?"

"I mean she knows it is bad but I don't think she understands how bad. His tumors are shrinking a little bit, I don't know. We are doing another round of scans after this session of chemo. He goes back in two weeks for chemo."

"Rough, how does she do it?"

"She just does it. I don't know. She is so strong about it and Collin just loves her. Those two are tight and I don't know."

"You don't know much,"

"She has my mind fogged up."

"You really like her."

"I do…"

"You'll get your chance one day,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

"You like him!"

"We almost kissed, yes, I like him!" I whispered as I looked over at Collin, "If he wouldn't have woken up we probably would have and then I don't know what would have happened." Sam smiled, "You should just do it."

"We can't make it awkward. If we kiss and it is terrible or if we kiss and we date and then it goes south then that is still Collin's doctor. We have to co-mingle." I said, Sam sighed, "The dramatics to the whole situations. Why don't you just make yourself happy? Collin needs you happy and Troy clearly makes you happy! When you were texting us this morning, we could just sense the difference. He makes you happy. When is the last time you cried?"

"When we arrived yesterday morning."

"So before Troy Bolton was in your life."

"God damn it,"

I rubbed my forehead, "I do not want to ruin this." I said motioning to the floor, "I don't want to ruin this for Collin. I don't want to ruin any of this."

"Stop. Do you know what Collin ruined?" Sam asked gently, "Collin kind of ruined your life. Was it his fault? No. But he kind of took over. You don't have happiness in your life and maybe Troy Bolton could provide that."

"I'm just not sure."

"Don't do it until you are sure."

"Thanks,"

Sam took a drink of her water as I looked at Collin and Ryan lying down in the bed. My eyes then settled on the Denver lights blinking in the dark night. I pulled my legs closer as I thought about the affects Troy Bolton had on me. The way he would calm me instantly with his presence. His touch was something that made me listen and his blue eyes made my heart speed up with anticipation that they might just look at me the right way.

I was attached to him the way Collin was attached to me. Collin loved looking at me and being with me. I loved being with Troy and looking at Troy. He was so relaxed and happy. He worked on this floor and was still that way. I enjoyed watching him play with Collin and the way his fingers were so long.

I shook my head as I got up and I left the room. I slid down the wall and I felt my chest cave underneath of me because I was so scared that I was attached to Troy like that. I was so scared that I wanted to be with him. I was so scared that the life of my child was in the balance. A sob crept up my throat and I covered my mouth with my palm. I didn't like this feeling, I hated that my happiness was beginning to depend on other people.

I wiped away my tears, as the hallway was so dark and quiet. Tilting my head back I let out a deep breath wondering what on Gods earth was next.

* * *

 **Here is your Sunday update! I won't be in town Sunday so I figured instead of making you guys wait I would just do it now! So I hope you guys enjoyed!**

 **Thanks for the love!**

 **Xx – Jo**

 **Please Review!**


	9. Try

Chapter 9 – Try

" _Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best tings that will ever happen to us."_

In my life many bad things happen: you get a bad grade on a test, you don't get accepted into your number one college, you get pregnant early, you lose things that mean a million things to you. It takes you a long time to recover or it takes you thirty minutes.

When your parents die? It takes you forever to get over such a thing. You hurt when their birthday passes and the day of their death you want to curl up into a hole. You don't want to think about the horrible day when you think of them passing. Now that a child with cancer entered my life suddenly everyday I feel the sense of dread that something bad is going to happen. Everyday I wonder how Collin is feeling or how much worse things are getting.

Every minute of every day is now spent making sure he is breathing, that he doesn't have a fever, that he is putting something into his mouth – if anything. I was constantly making sure he was okay and that everything was going to be okay for the day.

When bad things happen they are mostly unexpected and you wonder how you got here. How you made it to this point. How did you keep going? How did I do it? I always wondered how I made it through certain things.

Like the death of my dad.

Or the death of my mom.

Or the day that I found out that my child had cancer.

I always went back in time and I wondered how I made it through such a day because each and every day was terrible.

* * *

Tuesday, October 14th, 2014

Resting on my back I heard Sam and Grant talking on the couch. I couldn't make out the words that were coming from them but they were whispering and talking about something. My eyes looked over at Collin and he was having trouble breathing out his nose because he was congested.

I was having trouble sleeping because he has trouble breathing. His feeding tube was going really well and it wasn't that bad. He was mostly feeling better with it and had more energy. He had begun to eat lunch again – actual food lunch and we were only doing the stuff at night to make sure we kept him healthy.

Sam laughed and I thought back to the discharge in the hospital. Troy and I were awkward with each other since the almost kiss. That was okay because I didn't want to push anything further. I didn't want to ruin this time with him in the hospital. I didn't want to be focused on a boy. I wanted to be focused on my son, my little boy, my DNA. That is whom I needed to be focused on. Grant laughed and then Sam laughed as well.

There was a lot of quiet that followed and I turned to look at Collin. He sat up and began to cough roughly. He woke up and he began to whine and cry. "Momma," I took him into my arms and I rubbed his arms, "It's okay baby boy, it's okay." He buried his head into my chest and his stuffiness echoed out through the room.

He couldn't be getting sick and I didn't need him getting sick. He had chemo in two days and if he had a fever then we had to go to the hospital. I was so sick of the hospital. Collin left the next day after getting his feeding tube placed with lots and lots of feedings and for the last two weeks we went in once week to clean our port, take our labs, and make sure that our lives were normal and that Collin wasn't going to peel over.

"I don't feel good," he whispered, I rubbed his back, "I'm sorry sweetie,"

"No Dr. Troy,"

"No Dr. Troy," I told him back, he lay back down next to me and I heard him wheeze again. My chest tightened because this would only end in the hospital. Everything only ended in the hospital and I didn't want to end up in the hospital. Collin didn't want to be in the hospital. Nobody wanted to be in the hospital.

I got up from the bed and I didn't want to ruin what Sam and Grant were doing but I needed a drink. I needed a snack. I needed a break from the cancer world. I needed a break but whom was I going to ever get a break from? No matter what I did my life was full of cancer and it wasn't fucking fair.

Going out into the living room Sam glanced up with an awkward smile, "Gabi, I thought you and Collin went to sleep."

"Uh yea, I couldn't sleep. I am just grabbing a snack." I said I reached into the fridge to grab water and a granola bar. My eyes glanced at the calendar and I looked at the time. A little after midnight, "What day is it?" I asked quietly, "Well the before midnight time or the after?" Grant asked I knew it was supposed to be a joke but I didn't laugh. "The 14th sweetie, it is a new day." I covered my mouth and I tried to breath, "Have a good time," I wheezed out.

Going back into the room, I sat down on the floor and I felt back into the corner of the room. Collin rolled around on the bed and he sounded terrible. I went over to him and I kissed his forehead gently. His forehead didn't feel warm which was good. That was the only reason we had to go in is if he had a fever. I rubbed his knuckles and I finally decided that I needed to talk to somebody besides Sam.

I called Mariah and she answered on the first ring. "Gabi, is everything okay?"

"I just need to talk," I said quietly, "I am tired and Collin is congested so I can't sleep."

"I'm sorry, is something else bugging you?"

"My mom died two years ago today…"

"Oh sweetie,"

"I don't want to make a big deal of it. I feel like I am making such a scene about everything."

"You have a child with cancer…"

"I don't know, I think you guys should get to know the before me because I didn't cry. The last time I cried before the whole cancer shit was when my mom died. That was two years ago and suddenly now I am in tears over every fucking little thing. I am so frustrated with myself."

"It is okay sweetie, it is. I would love to get to know the old you though. You make me think that you were a young, strong woman,"

"I guess I was." I said with a sigh, "What did your mom die from?" she asked me, I sucked in a breath, "I don't really want to talk about it." I said quietly, "A little to fresh for me." Mariah nodded, "I understand. Chemo this week, are you ready?"

"No. I don't really want to go back in there."

"Is this because of the Troy thing?" she asked me; I looked at the moon that was shining into the room. "I don't know, maybe," I said quietly, "I am also very sick of the hospital and Collin is starting to sound sick."

"Understood but can we talk about the Troy thing?" I bit down on my lip and I nodded my head, "Yea,"

"What do you think about it? I mean…what do you think about him?" she questioned, I smiled, "I think he is pretty damn hot," she laughed, "That was a given!"

"He is also so sweet and amazing with Collin and when he touches me I want him to touch me a little bit more. Sometimes I see him and I just want him to kiss me and I don't know Mariah, I want to kiss the hell out of him."

"How many times has he brought you food?"

"Three cups of coffee and Parks twice."

"And you?"

"Parks once."

"Bring him another thing of food." She spoke, "I don't want to start anything." I reminded her, "I don't want the floor to become awkward. It was already awkward enough getting looks when Troy stayed in our room all night."

"Gabi, he makes you really happy." She said softly, "If he makes you happy like that,"

"I have,"

"Don't you dare say you have never spent time with him because I am pretty damn sure he has never stayed more than fifteen minutes in our room. He doesn't make special trips to play with Kale and he certainly has never bought us food."

Biting down on my lip I glanced at Collin, "What if something happens and he isn't who I thought he was."

"Don't let Collin know at first," she said with a sigh, "Just see him outside of the hospital. You know you have baby-sitters. Collin doesn't have to know right away and if it doesn't work out then you guys keep going like your lives were."

I let out a sigh, "I don't know Mariah, and I would love to just have a night with him."

"Well then have a night with him!"

"We are trying to avoid it,"

"Gabriella, shove the man against a wall and tell him you want to do otherwise! He like undresses you with his eyes!" I couldn't help but contain my own laughter, "Do you really think I should?"

"Gabi, go for it. You should do something for you. When was the last time you did that?"

"When I got pregnant with Collin,"

Mariah laughed quietly, "Very good. You deserve it."

"You think?"

"Go for it Gabi, you two are going to be just fine."

"What if it becomes awkward?"

"I think K will let me go…" I laughed quietly, "Thank you for this Mariah,"

"Girl, this is what I live for."

Collin sat up and began to cough really badly; his congested body was so weak. "I have to go tend to Co, he is so congested."

"Make sure you watch him for a fever." She said, "I don't want to take him to the hospital," I said quietly, "I never want to take him to the hospital. He hates it."

"We all hate it but it is going to make him better in the long run. You understand that right?"

"I do, I do, and I just want him to be better already. I want him to be happy and his old self. I want to know that if he gets a fever it is just a little thing and I don't have to rush him to the hospital because it could be a deathly virus."

"I know girl, I know,"

Crawling onto the bed, I kissed his forehead and I let out a little sigh, "He is warm,"

"I'll stay on the phone with you,"

"I'm a big girl,"

"I know but you are alone and please don't count Grant and Sam together on the couch," I laughed, "It is pretty gross."

Getting up, I grabbed the thermometer and I placed it gently into his ear. The magical number was 101.2 and I prayed it was just underneath of that or maybe a number slightly above. Collin stirred in his sleep as the thing blinked back and I pulled it away.

I felt defeated when I pulled it back, I rubbed my forehead, "and will you bring me breakfast tomorrow morning?" I asked her, she sighed, "Of course. Kale and I will come," she paused, "Scratch that. I will bring you breakfast. Kale has chemo in a week," I laughed, "I understand. I don't think both of them should be getting sick."

"What is it?"

"102.3"

"Did you do both ears?"

"Do you actually think I'll get a different result?"

"No…probably not."

"We have to deal with the ER," I complained, I laid my face down, "Can I just wait until the oncology ward opens?"

"Do you want Troy to ring your neck?"

"Could I kiss him then?" Mariah laughed, "You know what I think I am going to keep you around." I smiled and I got up, "I'll text you later once I find out things. I might just call Troy so we can sneak in the back."

"Alright, no using him to your advantage."

"I won't, I will go to the ER or should I call the on call doctor,"

"Call the doctor first, maybe they will just tell you to wait."

"Sounds good, thank you,"

"You're welcome. I hope Collin gets to feeling better."

"Thank you,"

I hung up and I called the hospital's on-call doctor number, "Hello,"

"Hi, I would like to speak to the on-call doctor about my son. I have a question," I knew the nurse was looking at the time on the clock and she probably could answer my question but I wanted the doctors opinion. "Yes, let me transfer you." I nodded my head and the phone line ended and then it was picked back up.

"Dr. Bolton,"

"You would be on call tonight," I breathed, Troy laughed, "Yea, I am on call tonight. Every Tuesday and Sunday,"

"Thrilling."

"Sure is. I barely get any sleep because you know parents like you call me just to talk." I laughed this time, "I really do have a question, and I am mostly stalling."

"Stall away,"

"Collin has a fever," I told him, I heard the chair squeak as he sat up quickly, "How bad?"

"102.3," I said to him, Troy cursed underneath of his breath and I sighed, "I don't really want to come in Troy,"

"He could have an infection Gabi, especially since he had a surgery a couple of weeks ago."

I looked at Collin, "He has a really bad cough and is really congested."

"He could also just be sick but we need to make sure."

"It really can't wait until morning?" I asked, I was pleading with Troy. Troy hesitated on the other end of the phone; I knew he was searching for a clock to see how long it would be before Collin and I would be in his office.

"No, I'm sorry. I can't do that. I can't risk it because if it is septic or something then it could be quick. I can't."

"You think it is for the better?"

"Absolutely. If it is nothing we will just give him anti-biotic and you'll be home by six thirty this morning."

"Are you guys slow?"

"Well no…"

"Troy, I hate taking him up there."

"I know, I know, it will be quick!"

"Unless?"

"Unless he has an actual infection that needs to be treated. Doesn't his chemo start on Thursday?"

"Yes,"

"Well…it may not."

"What?" I asked, "If his counts are low then he can't receive chemo. He has to be within a safe range for that so if his counts are low then we may do some other things…" Troy hesitated, "Fuck," he said quietly. I looked up at the ceiling, as the words leaving his mouth were sexy as hell. "You won't be gone by seven am if his counts are low. You probably won't be gone for several days and then we will be behind in our chemo,"

"So you are saying that shit is about to hit the fan,"

"Yup."

"Seven?"

"If his fever gets any worse then you _have_ to come in. _Understood?"_

"Yes, thank you Troy."

"Try to get some sleep alright?"

"Thank you Troy,"

"Not even a degree higher." Troy warned, "Yes sir,"

* * *

Collin was exhausted and had developed sores in his mouth. His fever finally edged higher around five forty-five and we were off to the hospital. I didn't grab much of our stuff because I was hoping this was going to be quick and easy. I didn't want to spend the day in the hospital.

I wasn't going to spend the day in the hospital, we were going to check our counts and then we would be on our way. I walked up to the nurse's station and Troy noticed me first. His face paled slightly at our sight. "How much farther?"

"I fell asleep for a while and when I woke up it was higher."

"By a lot?"

"103.1," I told him, he glanced at the floor and I noticed that it was fairly full tonight. "God damn it,"

"We don't have enough room up here,"

"So where are we supposed to go?" I asked him, "I'll take you down to the ER,"

"Troy, look at him," Troy glanced at Collin who was pale, he was shaking, and he had snot running out of his nose. He glanced at Collin, "Yea, no, he can't go to the ER. Come on," he dragged me past the nursing station and into his office. There was a couch, "We have a family being discharged in like twenty minutes. I'll move them along okay? In the mean time I will send a nurse to draw his labs and start fluids. Last feeding?"

"Last night. I didn't want to bug him once he fell asleep on me. He has been coughing and sneezing and all of this stuff."

"We will get some food into him as well." Troy glanced at me and I could see the care in his eyes, "It has been a long night for you hasn't it."

"Yea, it has."

"Thank you Troy,"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of Collin."

"You always do."

Troy left and a confused nurse walked in but quickly understood once she saw Collin. "Hi, I'm Lillian,"

"Are you new?"

"You must be a regular," she said with a smile, "Unfortunately," I blushed, "I actually just started here a couple of days ago." Collin began to cough again and I cringed because I just wanted to go to the clinic to get this done. I had no desire to be here right now because it could all be done at the clinic. "Do you think he will have to stay all day?" I questioned, "He doesn't look good Ms. Montez," I sighed quietly, "I was just hoping do this all in the clinic."

"Just be lucky you don't have to go to the ER to do this. Dr. Bolton must really like you because he normally sends all patients down to the ER when we are busy."

"He says a room is opening up soon,"

"No there isn't," I frowned, "Can I talk to him?"

She nodded, "I'll send him in okay?"

She left and Troy came back moments later, "What?"

"Why didn't you send us to the ER?" I asked him, Troy turned his head, "Don't play the room is almost open because Lillian just told me otherwise. Troy, we can't keep being played as favorites." Troy sighed, "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to place you in the germy ER when I have an office I never use."

"Troy, everybody else has to go through the ER."

"And you aren't everybody else." He said back, his words were sharp and quick and I realized how much he actually cared for us. "Troy, we can not be favorites."

He hesitated, "You are my favorite and sending you to the ER to get his cultures run will literally take hours and then he is with more germs. He looks like he is going to be admitted anyways because he has to have at least a low WBC so why in the world would I put you down there? It is more moving him and moving you around. So how about you stop complaining for ten seconds and realize I am doing you a damn favor."

I looked at Troy surprised by his outburst and I realized that it had been a long night for him as it had been for me. "Oh God, I am so sorry."

"No, no, you are fine. Like you said, random parents calling you all night for no real reasons."

"This is a real reason," Troy said pointing at Collin, Lillian came back into the room and began to fiddle with Collin's port which made Collin angry. He began to squirm, "I am working on getting you a room," he said, "Can we at least wait until we know?"

"Yes, fine, we can wait."

"And if we are here at nine can we be moved to the clinic?"

"Yes, that is fair enough."

"Thank you."

He started to walk out but I called him back, he turned around to look at me. "Yea?" I bit down on my lip and I smiled a little but shook my head, "It's okay. We can talk about it when you are a little bit more rested." Troy smiled, "Thank you,"

* * *

Collin and I didn't see Troy for the rest of the day and like he predicted we were admitted due to dangerously low counts. Everything was low. He is getting more platelets and a transfusion of blood this afternoon to hopefully boost his counts all in the right direction. They were looking for any sight of an infection that could be keeping his fever so high. His fever wasn't budging and he was still coughing up a lung.

"Who is ready for some nice blood and platelets?" the nurse looked at Collin who was so tired. He could barely keep his eyes open, "Oh my, he is tired."

"He is trying to fight something."

"His immune system isn't even there. His ANC is 0." I sighed because he couldn't fight anything off because Cancer didn't allow him to fight anything off. A doctor that I was unfamiliar with came into the room and started to talk to me but I didn't really understand anything that he said to me. "What?" I asked after a couple sentences. He glanced at me and then at Collin, "His has a couple of minor things,"

"How long will we be in the hospital for?" I asked him, "Until his fever goes away and his counts start to go back up." I closed my eyes and I just nodded my head, "Thank you," I mumbled quietly, "Thank you so much." The doctor left the room without another word and I tried to breath through the amount of anger I had. Collin was supposed to be getting chemo this week and instead he is stuck in a bed from his last chemo.

He was going to get worse and it is going to be terrible. "Are you having a nervous break down again?" I opened my eyes to Mariah standing in the doorway, "No, I just, look at him." She glanced at Collin and her eyes opened a little farther. "Yea, he doesn't look too good."

"No, he doesn't. We are here until his fever of 103.6 goes away and his counts start to go in the right direction. Almost a month since our last chemo and this is how he is."

"The chemo is doing its job, isn't it scan week?" I nodded my head, "Yea, I don't know how to feel about that either. I am nervous and scared and oh my god,"

"Troy hasn't been here today has he,"

"I can not be feeding off Troy!"

"Well no…but you are much calmer with him around. What doctor do you have?"

"I don't even know his name,"

"Probably John," I laughed, "I don't know, I don't care I just want him to feel better. He hasn't been his spunky self in a while."

Collin started to cough violently again, "You know it is probably just a cold but since he has no immune system it is much worse than it seems."

"Probably."

"Mariah," Mariah and I both turned to see Troy standing in the doorway with two bags of Parks in his hands. Mariah smiled, "I was just leaving," I looked at her and Troy shook his head, "No, you don't have to leave."

"I do. I do have to leave," Mariah said with a laugh, "Kale will be looking for me soon. He was napping when I left."

Troy nodded and I looked at him, he looked tired but yet here he was in a pair of Kansas sweatpants with a black Columbia jacket. He was wearing a Rockies baseball hat backwards and I couldn't really tear my eyes from him. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Troy waved good-bye clearly embarrassed that another patient's mom caught him here. "This is a surprise." I declared, Troy shrugged, "I feel bad."

"About what?"

"That you are stuck here with a really sick kid. I kept looking up his lab results and I didn't think his counts would do this. He has been borderline,"

"Troy, chill, it isn't your fault." He sighed, "I'm sorry. Really, I couldn't sleep so I decided that I would bring you food instead."

"Troy, we actually need to talk." He looked at me kind of surprised and I shrugged my shoulders. "Okay, what would you like to talk about," he suggested, I picked up a Parks bag, "For one, thank you for bring the food."

"No, problem. I didn't realize that we would get to have a grown up conversation." I laughed and Collin started to cough again, he woke up this time and started to cry. I got up from my spot to go comfort him. He noticed Dr. Troy but he could only manage half of a smile. "Dr. Troy," Troy frowned because he could see how sick Collin was. "Hi bud, how are you feeling?"

"I'm sleepy,"

"You should take a nap."

"Are you here to make mommy happy?" I felt my cheeks turn a different shade of red as I kissed his temple, Troy laughed nervously, and "I came to keep your mom entertained." My mind wondered to what form of entertainment because the bathroom door locks…I wanted to kill my brain.

Collin began to babble about something and he began to cough some more. I lay in his bed with him while he was so drowsy. He didn't want to fall asleep because Dr. Troy was here but the room was full of an awkward tension. "Dr. Bolton…" Lillian came into our room and Troy rubbed the back of his neck gently, "Lillian, I am off duty. It is Troy,"

"You let me call you Troy before your nurses do?" Troy shot me a look as if to shut up and I laughed, "My goodness,"

"I am new. It isn't entitled yet. I was just wondering what you were doing here."

"I came up to visit with Gabi and Collin for a little bit. Gabi could usually use the company and I have nothing else to be doing. My house is pretty boring."

I glanced over at him and he was still looking at the nurse, "Well I am,"

"I am not on call. Don't consult me please," she only nodded before leaving the room, Troy rubbed his forehead and I looked at him. "Why are you here?" I asked him, he looked at me, "and do you not want me here?"

"No, I love having adults to talk to. It is pretty amazing and you also brought me food but what made you in your brain say, oh I wonder what Gabi and Collin are doing."

He sighed, "I think about you a lot and the way I left this morning wasn't the greatest." I sighed looking at him, "We are fine Troy, and we don't need sympathy."

"I am not here to give you sympathy. I feel bad for your situation but I am not here to give you sympathy. I am here because I want to be here." I glanced at him and he sighed, he then covered his face with his hands. "Is this what you wanted to talk about?" he asked me, I nodded my head, "This is exactly what we need to talk about."

"So you feel it."

"I feel it." I mumbled back, I got up from Collin's bed as I sat in the chair drawing my legs closer to me. "I can't hate this place Troy, my child has four more chemotherapies to get through, a major surgery, and a bone marrow transplant. I cannot hate this place and there is no better hospital for him. This is the hospital for him and you are a brilliant doctor. I can not hate you and I can not hate this hospital."

Troy nodded his head as he tilted his head back, "I understand but I have this desire to be with you. I have this desire to just sit and talk to you for multiple hours. I want to watch you somewhere outside of the hospital with Collin because you seem like one of the best moms. I want to see you in a courtroom in a suit," I let out a laugh, "I want to kiss the hell out of you." I looked at him as I bit down on my lip.

"There is a mutual feeling…" I said with a look at him, he looked at me and he nodded, "So what the barrier is the fact that I am your child's doctor for the next year and half."

"Pretty much," he looked at me and he shook his head, "I can not wait for you for a year and half. I don't think I can work with you for a year and half and not be able to have you. You have this effect on me that no other girl has on me."

"When did this happen?"

He smiled, "I know when it happened for me. It was the moment when I saw you in the hallway screaming because something was wrong with Collin. The fire and passion that you had for your son alone was something that drew me too you. Then when I saw your case landing on my desk the next morning and I am pretty sure my gut sank because I liked you. I wanted to hunt you down to talk to you but then I was going to spend the next two years with you unwillingly."

"I don't really need to replay that day in my head."

"I figured you don't want too."

We were both quiet and I looked at him, "It happened for me when you made us feel at home in here. When you cared enough to talk to me and to bring me coffee. You stayed with me for a few extra minutes and you are so fantastic with Collin. You take my phone calls and you care enough. Then I started to look at you, I don't know, it wasn't one moment it was all of these moments on top of another."

Troy rubbed his face and he glanced at me, "What are we going to do about this?" I shrugged my shoulders because I didn't have any good ideas. "I don't know Troy, I wish I knew how to handle this situation." I laughed as I looked out the window, "I wish I knew how to handle liking my son's oncology doctor. I wish I knew why in the world that we are in the hospital." I started to laugh a little bit harder. "What a fucking joke," I said quietly.

Troy shook his head with a laugh, "You are right. This is a bit twisted." He rested his elbows on his knees, "Mariah suggested,"

"You have talked about this with Mariah?" Troy asked, I looked at him and I really laughed this time. "Troy, are you serious? Do you think I don't share anything?" Troy shrugged, "I don't know,"

"I have talked to Mariah about this and she suggested that we like I don't know, keep it quiet but if something happens,"

"Gabi, I barely have time for one relationship let alone two relationships. We can keep it casual at first,"

"When do I have time to keep things casual?" Troy laughed, "I don't know, I just, I want a moment with you without Collin around. When we ate out there and then again at Parks that one time. I just wanted that to continue. I want to do that again,"

"How about we go on a date." Troy raised an eyebrow to me, "Really?" I nodded, "Yea, after Collin's next chemo and when he is better to where I can leave him with Sam without feeling bad." Troy couldn't contain his own smile. "A date huh?" I nodded my head, "A good ol' fashion date."

"And?"

"If it goes horribly then I never want to talk to you again." Troy laughed, "Good luck with that." I sighed, "Troy, are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm having issues sitting here right now," I smiled while I looked at him, "Collin doesn't get to know about it."

"Okay,"

"So when do you think Collin will be able to get his next round of chemo?"

"Hopefully next week, we don't want to rush him. You'll be here for seven full days by the way. Five for the chemo and two days full of scans," I groaned, "Are you kidding?"

"Not at all." He shrugged, "You are postponing your date." Troy laughed, "I'm glad you are concerned."

"When was the last time you were on a date?" I asked, "The time where Collin had nosebleeds. One of the worst blind dates of blind dates, what about you?"

I laughed, "I have no idea. It was probably a blind date or a date that somebody asked me to go on. I don't know, I really can't tell you." Troy glanced at me, "How long have you been alone?" he asked me, I looked down at my palms and I shrugged as the tears pooled in my eyes but I rubbed my nose to get them to disappear.

"My mom actually died two years ago today." I told him with a shrug, Troy glanced up, "Jesus, I am so sorry." I laughed, "I'm okay, I just, I think about her and I wish she was here for this. If she were here for this then maybe going out with you would be a little bit easier. If she was here I could go home every now and then and trust somebody enough to stay with Collin. If my mom was here then maybe my life would be a little bit easier."

"You could work too."

"I don't know if I would work."

"What was your mom like?"

I smiled, I tucked my legs up closer to my body, "She was a saint, and she was the typical mother. She stayed home until I went to school. When I went to school she became a Para at my school to do something but also stay involved in my life. She always had summers off and every other day I had off. She cooked and baked and hosted the biggest birthday parties. She went over the top for everything and supported my choice of going to law school even though she hated that my dad was a lawyer."

"Was he a big lawyer?"

I let my fingers draw circles on my legs, "He was on speed dial for Kayne, Jay-Z and Beyoncé plus many more big names. He was a pretty big lawyer down there."

"I thought you lived in San Diego?"

"I did. My dad wanted me to have a normal life so my mom and I lived in San Diego while my dad split time between here and there. He wanted us to be normal and not live in the fast life. I was always curious about law so I up to LA one day with my friends to watch one of my dad's cases in court. I was pretty much forbidden from this such place but I wanted to see. It wasn't one of his biggest cases in the world but it was a big case. So I went up with a couple of friends and I fell in love."

"What did your parents say about that day?"

"Oh I was grounded for months."

"Do you still love it?"

I nodded my head, "I still love it."

"I didn't know you were so famous."

"I'm not. I am just a minor somebody in the world. Just like everybody else."

Troy nodded his head, "Do you ever wonder if bad things happen for a reason?" Troy asked, "Like being grounded for two months but you found your passion in life. A big last minute fling but a beautiful child? Nobody in LA giving you a chance because of your pregnancy but then you land in Denver. Then you get to raise a beautiful boy in Colorado but when he gets cancer you have a good doctor," I smiled with a laugh, "I guess. I have always wondered if this was going to turn good somehow."

Troy nodded, "I have always wondered if doing this would send me on a good path because for some reason I took this job instead of being at Sloan or St. Jude's. I took this spot over some higher paying ones and I kind of wonder if I finally found a reason why."

My eyes flickered up to his and I looked back down at my hands, "I wonder sometimes if you stalk us." Troy laughed, "I don't. I swear."

"You sure about that?"

"Pretty positive." I smiled and I then sighed, "I do agree though. I think we are set on a bad path destined for an even better ending. This right now sucks but I think in a year, life will be good again. Life will be back to normal and how I want it."

"Maybe even a little bit better than before,"

"Maybe even a little bit better than before," I agreed with him, I smiled as I looked at him. "Something about you makes me attracted to you." I mumbled, "Maybe it has something to do with those eyes."

"It could very well." He leaned forward to look at me, "Your smile makes my knees weak."

"You haven't seen it that often,"

"More than you would think," he leaned back and he took a drink of the drink he brought with him. I smiled and he grinned, "There it is Ms. Montez,"

"Whatever."

I looked at Collin and I went over to kiss his forehead, I sighed, "He is so warm,"

"His fever concerns me,"

"It concerns me too."

"He'll be okay once his numbers start to come back up. I just wish we could get it under control." I stroked his little baldhead as he shivered underneath of the two warm blankets they had provided for him. Troy stretched out and messed around on his phone. "Do you really hate being at home?" I asked him, he blinked and then he dropped his phone into his lap. "I don't hate it when I am exhausted and I was exhausted but I only slept six hours before I got restless. In my house it is big enough for a family to be running around but it is just me and like I said, I barely have enough time for a single relationship. I don't go out to bars and I don't bring people back."

"So there isn't much to do there."

"No, the only thing to do there is sleep and watch TV. I could eat but I don't really want to make food."

"Do you know how to cook?"

"When I want to cook. I would rather go to Parks and get a burger." He reached for the bag, as it must be getting cold by now. "Would you like yours still? Our conversation went longer than expected."

I nodded and he tossed me my bag because if we went much closer I would probably end up in a chair, with my lips on to his. Troy began to eat his burger and I glanced towards him because I wanted to know what he was thinking. I loved how he mentioned that our life could get bad but then could only get better. God hands us what we can take and he understands that I can handle this and maybe Troy is a small bonus.

I took a bite of the semi-warm burger and I looked at Collin. I felt horrible that I could feel so happy with his doctor but yet feel so horrible that he is going through this horrible thing. I took another bite of my fries and another glance at Troy. My life was not how I expected it to be and as much as sadness has involved in my life I knew Collin was in good hands and the fact that Troy Bolton has walked into my life suddenly made me a little bit happier.

Troy did make me happier but I knew that the date we went on would be the only one. We couldn't do that. He had to focus on Collin and I had to focus on Collin. We couldn't focus on each other because like he said…we don't have time for one.

* * *

 **Wow. Sorry for the lack of an update. Yesterday, I planned on updating but I had family come over and once I was actually finished writing, my friend called and asked me to come over for a movie night so I did. BUT here is the update now! I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Ohhhh….what do we think? :)**

 **HOPEFULLY I'll update next weekend but no promises. My life is crazy. lol**

 **Please Review!**

 **Jo**


	10. Oops

Chapter 10 – Oops

" _It's possible," said pride. "It's risky," said experience. "It's pointless," said reason. "Give it a try," whispered the heart._

In life you go through a series of up and downs. You have to have these ups and downs to actually know life but the older you get the more experienced you get. Your mind begins to interfere and you begin to doubt yourself. You say you are going to do this and then your brain tells you that it isn't going to work. You are going to die or the worst-case scenario will happen. You don't do it.

You tell yourself that it is completely possibly but you are so scared by the risks that are thrown at you. You are going to have fun and you have so much sex but then nine months later there you are in the bed of a hospital holding a squirming baby. You raise the baby and once you are free to go out and try the dating world again you don't. You get scared. You bury yourself in work because that is what you know. I was drilled in law for years before I stepped into a courtroom.

You start to work and then you get so buried in work you go on a date but it is completely pointless. You start to give up because between a child and a job that is another child you don't have time. It is pointless to even try a relationship but suddenly your world is twisted in a dark circle.

Once you wrap your mind around the evil world of cancer and you learn how risky and pointless anything outside of the word cancer and then for some reason God decides that hey, right now is the time that I am going to throw a man into your life. He is going to be hot and pretty but he is going to be your child's doctor. How amazing is that?

But your brain? Your brain says that you shouldn't even try because you can't take anymore hurt than you already have. Your heart tells you to give it a chance because this is an opportunity to finally have somebody. You finally have somebody laying next to you in bed and wrapping his arms around you. For the person to be there when you need somebody. Your heart wills you out into the world whenever it is possible, but completely risky, and horribly pointless to even try but once you do…you just might feel a sense of magic that you have been looking for.

* * *

Friday, October 17th, 2014

Collin was resting at home after several days in the hospital to get his counts to start to rebound and for his fever to disappear. Troy spent more time in the hospital with us and rarely left. He worked a lot and then spent a lot of time in our room. He tried not to fall asleep there but it did happen one other night.

Ever since spilling our guts to each other we have been on edge and the tension is higher. We try not to stand too close because it's hard to be trusted within our feelings. I took a drink of wine as we had a clinic appointment today to draw labs and see where we were and if we could start chemo on Tuesday. We were not starting any sooner than Tuesday but we were hoping that we were heading in the right direction.

Pulling my legs closer to me I looked at Sam's empty room as she and Ryan were in the hospital getting his dosage of chemo. I felt bad because when Collin went in his friends were going to be finishing up. Kale would be there for a couple of days but mostly by himself. When we were discharged Thursday morning it was a jump for joy because we were exhausted and ready to come home so going back today wasn't a thrill and Troy wouldn't even be working.

Biting down on my lip I glanced back at the Collin who was snuggled on the couch. I picked up my cell phone and decided to be a mother today and refuse to go into the hospital today. I just couldn't drag Collin back there. Not yet.

Calling the number to the hospital a doctor picked up the phone, Dr. Wayne. I grimaced because he wasn't my favorite doctor on the floor. "Hello, my son Collin has a clinic appointment today but I am going to need to cancel it."

"Why is that?"

"Family emergency. Can we come in Monday morning instead?"

"Yes, that is fine. Thanks for calling,"

"No problem."

My eyes went back to Collin, as I was being a mom today. I was putting down my foot because drawing his labs could wait until Monday. Putting fluids into his veins can wait until Monday. We were still doing tube feedings because he wasn't eating well either. He lifted his head and I looked at him with a smile. "How are you feeling sweetie?" I asked, he shrugged his shoulders and he rested his head back onto the couch.

I walked over to him and I sat down and I pulled him into my lap. "Do you want to do something today?" I asked, "I want to cuddle." He said, he buried his face into my chest and I rubbed his back gently. His fingers wrapped around my shirt and I kissed the top of his head. "Momma,"

"Hmm?"

"I really like Dr. Bolton,"

"Me too."

"You should kiss him," I giggled, "Why?"

"Because he likes you."

"How do you know?"

"I know." I looked at my three year old and I couldn't help but laugh, "Sweetie, Dr. Troy is a very special man who is taking care of you. He needs to focus on making you better."

"But I like Dr. Troy,"

I pushed his little hat away while I rubbed my fingers over his baldhead. "Good,"

"Momma, will Troy be my daddy?" he asked, he looked up at me and I sighed. Collin recently had not been letting go this whole daddy issue thing. He always asked about Troy being his dad or Kel being his dad when he was around. He was looking for that person and I couldn't give it too him. Suddenly I hugged him a little bit tighter. "Co, I wish I could give you a dad."

"Kiss Troy and he will be my dad!" I laughed and I shook my head, "I wish it worked like that baby boy, I wish it did."

I flipped on the TV to something else and I rested him down into the couch. I got up and I reached for my laptop and I lifted it open. I pulled up my Facebook account and I hesitated unblocking him but I couldn't let him into my life I just wanted to see his for a brief moment.

Maybe Sam could help me.

Picking up my cell phone and I text her.

 _Can I borrow your Facebook account?_

 _Huh?_

 _Can I log-on? Co asked about his dad again and I kind of want to see if he is 1) still on there and 2) if he is depressed, happy, family, etc._

 _Ohhhh…sure. I kind of want to be there for this though._

 _Do you not trust me?_

 _Not at all. I just want to see. :)_

 _Lol. Okay, how about Co and I pay you a visit tomorrow._

 _Dr. B won't be around :(_

 _Not like I care_

 _Gabi…._

 _Sam…_

 _You care._

 _Do not._

 _Do too._

 _Plus it will be better if he isn't around._

 _True. You might just kiss him by accident if he was._

 _Shut the hell up._

 _Lol, bring me breakfast tomorrow._

Putting my phone away my eyes went back over to Collin who was passed out again. The poor kid was trying to get over it but was still tired. I tried to think of something to do today but it was just too cold outside and all of the indoor places would be full of germs. Collin didn't need to be exposed to places full of germs when he is still rebounding on his counts. Troy barely let us go until his counts were high enough.

My eyes scanned the area and I thought about what Sam said. She was right, Troy Bolton made a lot of things better.

* * *

Saturday, October 18th, 2014

Collin laughed on the bed with Ryan as they were playing a game together while the chemo dripped into his arm. Sam was pulling up her Facebook page while I tried not to hyperventilate to what I was going to find. I tried hard not to think too hard about Collin's dad.

I knew I should have told him a long time ago and now that he had cancer I suddenly was going to tell him? I didn't need him in my life. I never needed this in my life. I looked at Collin and Sam glanced at me. "You okay?"

"Kind of freaking out,"

"What's his name?"

I swallowed as I looked at Collin, I nudged to the hallway gently and she nodded as if she understood that I didn't want Collin running around asking about him. When we got to the hallway we collapsed onto the floor and I reached for the computer. I started to type in his name into the search box. I had blocked him years ago after I found out I was pregnant and I blocked anybody who was associated with him.

 _Joe Sampson_

"Really?" Sam said, I laughed, "Don't judge."

I had to dig through a couple of no names and then I found him. I was taken aback when I saw features of Collin right there in front of me. "Holy cow, that is Collin's dad," Sam said, I nodded my head, "Yup. I never thought he looked like him and I guess I am seriously wrong."

I clicked on his page and it pulled up. It mostly took my breath away about how cute he was but then I felt a heart sink into my chest as I saw he was married – Megan Sampson. I bit on my lip and Sam leaned against me as they had two daughters. One looked to be about two years old and the other seemed to be only a couple of months old.

It took my breath away as he looked happy. Sam squeezed my shoulder gently, "He looks pretty happy."

"And he doesn't know that he has a son."

"Looks like he doesn't need to know."

"He loves children."

"So what? Do you really need him in your life?"

"Well…no. I don't need him but Collin asked me to kiss Troy so that he could become his dad." I laughed aloud just hearing myself say that again, Sam busted out into loud giggles. "Oh my god, he did not?"

"He did!" I smiled softly to myself while I looked at Colin and Ryan giggling at the movie they were watching. I pushed on the pictures as I scrolled through them. Joe looked happy and I didn't know if bring Collin into his life would do good or bad. I sighed loudly as this didn't help. Nothing was helping. "I don't know Sam,"

"What do you want?" she asked me, "I want Joe to just magically disappear and Collin never ask about his dad again. Joe doesn't need to know. I don't need anything from him." Sam stayed quiet for a little while, "Gabs, I know you may have never thought about this but Collin is going to need a stem cell transplant right?" I nodded my head and Sam sighed, "He is going to need a donor and if they put him on now when he is in need they still may not have one. It is almost impossible to find a donor. Siblings are the closest matches."

"That wouldn't be his full sibling."

"It could be enough though." She said quietly, I shook my head, "I am not bring Joe into his life and then asking for one of his beautiful daughters to donate bone marrow." She shrugged her shoulders gently, "I am just saying." I bit on my lip and I shut the laptop quickly before I changed my mind about anything. "No, I can't. Do you know how rude that is? Hey, you have a son that is three years old but hey, can I have one of your child's bone marrow so my child can get better?"

"It is his child too."

"He has no bond with him. He has no idea about him."

"Maybe you should tell him." She said quietly, I got up, "I can't. I don't want him in my life anymore."

"Did he do something to you?" Sam asked I looked at her alarmed, "Do you think that?"

"I don't know you are so guarded about him. I don't understand why you don't want him in your life. I don't understand why you are taking this opportunity away from Collin. That is his dad and one day he may hate you for never getting to know his dad." I felt tears in my eyes as I turned away, I covered my face with my hands, "I got here, and I ended up pregnant. I didn't think it was necessary to tell him that I was pregnant. I wasn't moving back to California. End of story."

"You should have given him a chance."

"He would have wanted to get married and have this big wedding. He would move here with me and be a househusband. He would do that and it isn't what I wanted. I never loved him. I only liked him and once our time was over I didn't think about him once until I found out I was pregnant. I didn't care for him to come back into my life and I still don't. Collin and I are fine alone."

"Are you? You seem to be falling apart at the seams,"

"I think it's time for us to go,"

"How about you take some time to think, leave Collin here with Ryan so they can play today and then you can come get him tonight."

"No, he is coming with me. I don't want to come back here." Sam only nodded her head and let me go, I went in and coaxed Collin to come with me. He asked me why I was crying and I ignored his plea. I scooped him up and he cried for Ryan but my head was spinning in so many circles. I just wanted to shut all of the doors that I just opened. I didn't want these nightmares to crawl back into my life. I didn't need him.

* * *

Monday, October 20th, 2014

Waiting patiently for our names to be called back for clinic, Collin was playing on his iPad while I was in a zombie state. I hadn't slept since I had brought Joe back into my life. I hadn't even brought him back in but court cases that I fought for fathers that never knew came flying back to me in my dreams and I felt miserable.

Biting down on my lip I glanced at Collin who tucked himself closer to me. "Collin?" I picked up my purse and Collin held his iPad as we walked back into the room. The nurse took his weight and his height, another inch. I smiled softly and Collin pulled on my shirt as he as still fatigued and still not eating well. The nurse led us back and she popped open the door. Collin climbed onto the bed and I gave him his iPad back while he took his shirt off so they could get to his port.

"Is Dr. Bolton here?" Collin asked, Diana, smiled with a nod. "He will stop by to see you." She said, "He wanted to check up on you, he said something about his favorite patient." Collin giggled and I looked at Diana. "What time do we need to be here tomorrow?"

"He will go over that with you," I nodded my head as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and scrolled on it. Collin whined as they got into his port, I looked at him and once it was over he looked at me. I got up and I went over to rubbed his back while they took the amount of blood they needed. Once that was done he started to give him IV fluids. He got a bag today and three bags tomorrow with antibiotics. He had a lot of trouble keeping hydrated during chemo so he got a lot of fluids.

The nurse left and I lounged back as I held Collin close to me, he pressed his face into my chest as I tried not to fall asleep next to him, as Troy would be here any minute to start talking. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear him talk. I didn't know if I even wanted to be here right now. A knock came at the door and neither Collin and I moved. Troy opened the door and he laughed, "We tired?"

"Exhausted," I muttered, Collin repeated me with a laugh, Troy smiled as I sat up and Troy looked at me. He must have noticed the bags underneath of my eyes and the exhaustion rolling off of me. "Family stuff okay?" I only nodded my head, "Yup,"

"How does noon sound tomorrow? Get's him started on his fluids and then chemo, a week to eight days in here as we are doing chemo, a rest day, and then a day full of scans and probably a day for recoup. You'll get you out the morning following the scans." His eyes held mine as he was wondering about the date I promised him after the scans. I only nodded my head, "Sounds fine."

"Are you alright?" I just nodded my head this time, "Perfect." Troy narrowed his eyes at me and he went over to Collin and talked to him. Collin laughed with Troy as he rubbed his head gently. "Hey, can you come talk to me in the hallway?" I just nodded my head as I followed him out into the hallway. He shut the door, "What's wrong?" he asked, he was worried and I just shrugged, "Nothing. I am just tired."

"Are you sure? You look upset."

"I'm fine." I answered again, "Collin and I will be here tomorrow at noon. Do you need anything else?" I was short with him causing a grimace to come over his face. "Yea, I'll see you tomorrow." He turned to leave and I went back into the room with Collin. We were supposed to go visit Ryan and Kale since Collin was behind on chemo. Collin was finishing up and the nurse came in to unplug him. We went upstairs to the floor, Collin ran straight to Ryan's room where Kale was sitting on his bed.

Collin joined the party and I smiled as Mariah came over, "Hey," I smiled, "Hi,"

"Sam told me about your night the other night."

"I'm fine," I said with a forced smile, "Do you need a night out?"

"I'm okay," I told her, "I'm okay," I told her again, "Gabi, you look like you have been run over by a bus." I sat down in a chair while I looked down at the tile. The while, sterile, tile staring right back at me. It started to get blurry, "I'm confused and being harassed in my nightmares by previous clients."

"About his dad?" I just nodded, too tired to speak the words, "Gabi, I honestly believe you should do what your heart is telling you to do. If you aren't ready to tell him then don't. If you never want to tell him then don't. This is all about you and Collin and if you don't think he should be apart of your life then don't let him be apart of your life okay?" I just nodded my head and she grabbed me by the shoulders and hugged me.

"You are strong Gabi, there is no reason you need him in your life to complicate it. Collin can be without a dad and he will understand one day that it was better off just you two. Okay?"

I nodded and she wiped my tears away, "You're okay," I thanked her and I hugged her again, "Thank you for putting up with me."

Mariah smiled, "Do you want some time away rom Collin?"

"I don't feel like leaving him here. We will be here for enough time."

"Understood,"

"We can stay for a while longer. We didn't get to stay that long last time."

* * *

Troy's POV

I watched her cry with Mariah as I came back up to the floor, I cringed because I was certain something was bothering her downstairs but she was hard as a wall. I wasn't sure if something had happened to make her this way but after her and Mariah talked they went back into the room and she was laughing again.

I tilted my head to watch her further when my phone rang on my desk. I jumped and I picked it up to see my sister Sammy calling me. "What?" I sputtered, annoyed that she was calling me during a workday. "What crawled up your pants?" I rolled my eyes, "I'm busy."

"Bullshit. It is your lunch hour."

"Why do you know my schedule?"

"Because I do…anyways, what is a better thing to wear, a dress or a skirt on a date?"

"A turtle neck," I echoed back, "I'm not your girlfriend Sammy,"

"Jesus, what bit your ass?"

I rolled my eyes and I opened my lunch, "I'm tired."

"You are quiet when you are tired, you are being sassy."

"Sassy? Am I a teenager?"

"You are moody like one."

"Sammy, what can I help you with?"

"Skirt or dress?"

"What kind of date?" I mumbled, horrified that my baby sister was going on a date but then again, what could I do about it. "Going downtown and eating dinner."

"How long is the skirt?"

"Floor length, it is winter Troy,"

I sighed, "Skirt,"

"Thank you!"

"Sammy,"

"What?"

"Be safe,"

"Troy, what's wrong? Do you need a sister visit?"

I grunted, "Something like that."

"When is the last time you had sex?"

"You shouldn't even know about sex,"

"Really? How old do you think I am?"

"Five."

"Sorry,"

"I have this friend, who is a doctor, so I mean she would understand your crazy hours."

"I have somebody I like," I told her, "it just isn't the right time."

"Are you being shy?"

"No," I told her, "I just…it isn't the right time okay?"

"Why isn't it the right time," I slapped my hand on the desk, "Why are you being nosy?"

"I am your sister Troy, I see you maybe every other week. I am interested in your life." I sighed as I pushed my food away from me, "Her son her cancer."

"Oh." Sammy went really quiet on the other end, "She is single?"

"As single as a women could get. No family, no boyfriend or husband. She has nobody so I mean…I kind have paid more attention to her and well…I really like her."

"Does she know?"

"Yes, we have talked about it before. She likes me as well but she doesn't want to ruin the hospital or her and for Collin. They are only three months into treatment."

"Poor girl,"

"She is beautiful Sammy,"

"Can I come up to the hospital?"

"She will probably be leaving here soon. Come sometime this next week. Collin starts his chemo tomorrow,"

"I'll come up and just hang around,"

"Fine, I have to go though."

"Bye,"

"Bye Sammy,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

Tuesday, October 21st, 2014

My phone rang early, too early, this morning. I fumbled for it and I picked it up, "Hello?" I grumbled into the receiver, "Gabi," Troy's voice was drawn out and I sighed, "What?"

"Did I wake you up?"

"Isn't it like six in the morning?"

"More like nine…"

I rolled onto my back and I stared at the ceiling, "Can I help you?"

"Anyways, Collin's counts are borderline."

"What? Borderline…"

"Low. I am thinking we fill him up with blood and platelets and all of that fun stuff today with fluids and start chemo tomorrow morning. Still check in today to just boost those counts up and over. I can't believe they still are that low."

"So you do know you are pushing your date back right?" Troy let out a dry laugh, "I realize that but I would rather keep your kid safe." He paused, "I'm just glad there is still a date. You haven't seemed very happy with me lately."

"I haven't been happy in three months,"

"But you still seem to be happy. I don't know, I saw you upset yesterday after being downstairs." I played with the hem of the sheets and I looked at Collin, "I just have some stuff on my mind. Nothing about you though."

"So this date is still a thing?"

"Very much so."

"Good…"

"Troy,"

"Yea?"

I thought about what I wanted to say to him about how I just wanted him to be mine but I stopped myself, "Never mind. I'll see you at noon with a grumpy toddler."

"Sounds like an unofficial date," I cracked a smile, "I'll see you later."

* * *

Collin pressed the button several times in the elevator only really thinking that he would be seeing his friends but really he was going to be strapped to a pole for a week – longer than a week because his counts were still low. Once we got onto the floor, Collin went zooming by and straight to Ryan's room. He skidded to a stop and ran through with a big giggle as I followed behind with a wagon loaded with stuff.

A nurse spotted me and she smiled, "Dr. Bolton requested you have this room." I followed her in as we always got a private room. Always. Kale had to share a room this week and Ryan had to share a room the previous time but somehow we always ended up with a suite to ourselves. I put our wagon inside and I crawled onto the bed as I lowered my head down. I ran around all morning trying to get everything ready, I heard a chuckle from the door and I rolled over to see Troy.

"Last time I checked you weren't my patient,"

I rolled my eyes with a laugh; "Sure," I sat up, "Where is the grumpy toddler?"

"He went to see Ryan,"

"I thought I heard laughing…" I smiled and I ran my fingers through my hair, "You alright?"

"Dandy," Troy reached down and he wrapped his fingers around my wrist, my heart started to hammer against my chest just like any other time Troy Bolton stood anywhere near me. He leaned in rather close to me as I tried to remember how to breathe. I had never been this way around any guy…ever. Now, I was this way around my son's _oncology_ doctor. "Troy," I breathed, he smiled taking a small step backwards, his fingers still pressed against my wrist as if he was trying to take my pulse. He knew how fast my heart was racing.

"Mmm…just making sure you are still on for that date." He winked at me with a smile and he backed up, he left the room and I was sitting there, trying to breathe while he just waltzed away. I got up off the bed and I went down the hall to get Collin ready. I grabbed his hand and I dragged him down the hallway, he protested and once he found out he was getting his chemo he started to cry. I pulled him into a hug as I kissed his forehead.

"Mr. Collin! Why the tears?" he pulled away as he looked at Troy who was putting on gloves as that meant Troy was going to access his port which Collin liked a lot more than the nurses doing it. He loved the nurses but Troy was his favorite. A nurse brought in the supplies as I helped take Collin's shirt off but he clutched to me. I kissed the top of his head, "Baby boy, we want to make you better," he blinked away the tears in his big brown eyes. "Dr. Troy, you are going to?" Troy nodded his head, "I am, and I know you love when I do it."

Collin sniffled as he gripped my hand tightly, "I love you," I whispered into his baldhead. Troy start to insert into his port, his hands fluid and quick as it was a painless process. Collin winced and Troy started to talk football. Collin muttered along and once Troy was done and he was hooked up, Troy smiled at him. "Good job buddy," Troy pulled off his glove and Collin moved away from me. "Dr. Troy, will you please play a game with me?"

Collin voice was nervous and not every word was pronounced correctly. Troy smiled and Collin relaxed against me, "Sure big guy, I'll come by after I am done working okay? I'll order pizza," Collin giggled, "Momma, Troy is going to order pizza!" I kissed the top of his head with a laugh, "He is, what a sweet guy,"

Troy smiled at me softly and he backed out as he started to walk to another room. I looked at Collin and the nurses started his bags of fluids and antibodies. They would feed him again and then we would start chemo hopefully tomorrow if his numbers would bounce. I lay on the bed with Collin and I rested my head on his shoulder gently, "Momma, don't lay on me," he shoved me and I smiled, "Why can't I lay on you?"

"You make me stay here."

"I want to make you better."

"No,"

I kissed his cheek, "No momma," I looked at him and he was irritated with me. He was irritated that he was here. He was irritated that I was making him stay in his hospital room as he received multiple things and I stroked his forehead gently. "I'm sorry Co,"

"No momma," he pushed me gently, "Go away," he pushed me off gently and I just rolled with it. He got angry occasionally with me about this whole chemo thing, I walked out into the hallway, Troy glanced up from his desk, "You okay?" I nodded, "Collin is angry,"

"I'm sorry," I shrugged my shoulders, "What can I do about it? I gave him space." Troy smiled, "How about some wine with that pizza tonight?"

"Sounds like a date," I said with a wink, Troy smiled, "Mmm…sounds romantic," he said quietly, I shook my head, "I am going to talk to Sam,"

"Do you know my sisters name is Sammy?"

"I think you mentioned it once…"

"I just wondered…"

"Marcus is the brother right?" Troy smiled, "Exactly," I walked away from Troy Bolton wondering why he was quizzing on his sister and brothers names and I wondered why I cared but then I think about the way his fingers grabbed my wrist. The simple touch. The touch that I have been missing for so very long that I wanted again. I just needed it again. I ran my tongue over my lips as I collapsed in Ryan's room.

"Hello," Sam said sitting up from the chair next to Ryan's bed. I sighed, "Troy grabbed my wrist,"

"He did what?"

I nodded because I knew she understood, "He grabbed my wrist." I said slowly, the image slowly playing in my head again. She looked over at me with a smirk, "You should just kiss already and get it over with. You both want to kiss each other so you both should kiss each other." I sighed, "I wish it was that easy." I told her, "It honestly is. Just go up to him and kiss the hell out of him, those strong arms will pull you close against his body,"

I gasped, "Stop!"

"No," she said with a giggle, "You are starting to blush and I love it." I rolled my eyes and I got up, "No, no, I'll stop." She echoed with a giggled, I sighed, "I actually need to go check on my son. He got angry at me for bring him here and making him access his port etc," she smiled softly, "It is a daily battle." I agreed with her and I went back down the hall, Troy was coming out of Collin's room. "Is he okay?" I questioned, Troy glanced at me and he nodded, "Yea,"

"Then what were you doing in his room?" Troy smirked but his head was still down, "I uh…" he looked up at me and I looked at him, "Go talk to him." He said, I smiled at him and I walked into the room. Collin was sitting up coloring, "Are you alright?" I asked him, he let out a big dramatic three-year-old sigh. "I'm fine."

"I love you."

"Love you too,"

My eyes filtered back out to Troy when he pretended to write something in the air, motioning me to look at Collin's work. My eyes looked over his shoulder as he was coloring a picture of a heart and the things Collin loved around them. Football, Broncos, Ryan, the color blue, dogs, and then there was mommy in the corner. I smiled as I ran my fingers over his baldhead, I glanced back out to Troy and he winked as I looked back at Collin.

Maybe this was worth it.

* * *

Gabi's POV

A knock came at the door and I twisted to see Troy walking in with a box of pizza and a wine bottle. He was dressed in a pair of black sweatpants with a KU sweatshirt on that he had owned for years. It was worn and faded from the parties he wore it to or the extra amount of studying that had to be done to become the brilliant doctor that he was.

"Vodka works a lot better," this caused Troy to break out into laughter, Collin stirred next to me and Troy sat the pizza down in front of us. Collin turned his nose up and buried his face back into the pillow. "I see the eating is coming along…" I laughed, "Of course." Troy took a seat on the chair next to the bed, "I do enjoy vodka but I am thinking in a hospital environment wine is a lot better," I smiled as I opened the pizza box, "Co, do you want a slice?"

"No."

"You get fake food then," Troy teased, Collin looked up at him causing Troy to laugh, "What? I have never had fake food. How is it?"

"I don't like eating." He mumbled, I shook my head as I took a bite of the pizza; Troy shook his head gently while he reached for a slice of pizza. I took a deep breath, Collin sat up, and "Dr. Troy, can we play a game?"

"Sure, what game?"

My eyes turned to the door to see a parent from another room peeking in to see Troy sitting in a sweatshirt and sweatpants eating pizza and drinking wine. She looked surprised but then continued down the hallway, Troy must have noticed as well because his skin was a shade darker.

"This isn't like…"

"No," Troy said automatically, "I mean kind of but no. I can't get involved with my patients and technically you are not my patient." Troy said, "I am keeping you company," he said with a shrug, "I am the head of the pediatric oncology department so really I can only get in trouble with my self."

I smiled, "Don't you still have a boss?"

"Well…yes but it's an old friend." He gave me a smile and I relaxed against my chair as Collin watched us interact with each other. "Momma?"

"Co?"

"I want a small pizza." I arched an eyebrow, as he had never really asked for food that often anymore. I asked everyday but he normally didn't care to eat and when he did eat it was very little.

"Sure big guy," I tore apart the smaller piece and I sat it in front of him on a paper towel. He happily chomped down on his food as I shared a look with Troy. He smiled as he went to find a game that Collin must have requested while I was busy staring at the adult.

* * *

Troy's POV

Going into the hallway I walked over to the counter to get a game that Collin wanted to play. The women who Gabi couldn't stop staring at came out from across the room. She wasn't my patient and I didn't care to deal with her that much. She whined about a lot and took her daughters cancer as a treat to get what she wants. Gabi would never do that.

"Dr. Bolton," I stopped my heels trying to suspense the groan deep in my throat, "Yes?" I asked turning around to face her; she was also very single, as her husband wanted a divorce last year. "I didn't know you and Gabriella were friends," I arched an eyebrow towards her, "Yea, we are." I said easily, "Collin likes to play games with me after work so I stay behind too."

"You have never done that with Chelsea," I bit on my lip forcing a smile onto my face, "She isn't my patient and Collin is the only one I have ever done this with."

"Oh well…it looks wrong." The dramatic twist of she wasn't getting what she wanted, I sighed, "I'm sorry. I have to go though," she huffed and walked back into her daughter's room. I rolled my eyes and I grabbed the game that Collin wanted as my phone buzzed in my pocket. I reached for it to see Daniel calling me. I gave the game over to Gabi, "I have to take this phone call. I'll be right back." She nodded and I went back into my office as I answered the phone.

"Hey," I answered, "Hi, I have a question for you,"

"Shoot,"

"Do you want to go to this big meeting in Upstate New York for a week? People have asked you to speak,"

"When?"

"Uh…two months?"

I shook my head, "Can't."

"Why?"

"Daniel, I have a lot of cases right now. I am busy."

"Never stopped you before," I rolled my eyes again, "I just can't."

"Is there a girl?" I squinted my eyes, "Has Heather already called you?"

"What?"

I sighed, "I am actually with the girl right now…on the floor."

"Troy, a patient!"

"No, no, a patients mom, that technically isn't against any rule and we haven't done anything. I just…really like her. I brought her pizza tonight with a bottle of wine. I also told my patient I would play a game with him."

"Is this the Neuroblastoma case you are constantly reviewing?"

"Quite possibly,"

"Three year old right?"

"Correct,"

"What are the odds?" I sighed, "I don't know. You know my thing with odds…it is his scan week after the first three rounds of chemo."

"The big test,"

"Big,"

"How was it before?"

"Bad," I grumbled, "I don't want to talk about it but so you do know a patients mother did see us all together in the room hanging out. If she calls well…I'm sorry." Daniel laughed, "No problem. She technically isn't a patient."

"You'll meet her,"

"When?"

"I'm not sure but soon."

My eyes lingered into her room as her and Collin was setting up the game, "Soon," I repeated with a smile on my face. "I gotta go."

"You have fun,"

"Oh I will,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

Troy came back and played with Collin for two hours while I sat back and watched. It was nice not having to entertain him for the entire evening like I normally had too. Once Collin started to rub his eyes, Troy eased off the bed and he started to put the game away.

I got up to assist him as I was a little fuzzy with the wine and Troy seemed to be perfectly beautiful. I bit down on my lower lip as I looked at him, "Want to take a walk?" he asked, my eyes drifted to a sleeping Collin and I agreed after I tucked him in. I grabbed my jacket and Troy put his sweatshirt back on.

"Do you know Jayhawks are ugly?" I questioned as we moved in the elevator that was empty, most of the people gone for the day and nobody willing to come up to the cancer floor.

Troy scoffed, "You just don't know a good animal when you see one." I giggled and he smiled down at me with his extra 6 inches on me. "Whatever, it isn't even an animal. It was a group," Troy chuckled, "You got me on that one." We ventured outside where the air was bitter but it felt good.

Troy sighed, "I see Collin and I try to imagine him happy and energetic before the whole cancer thing came down and I see you." I tried to process what he just said to me and then he started to talk again, "You seem like you were once full of life and full of helping everybody."

"Where is this going?" I asked him, he stopped, "I don't know, ever since I saw you yelling at old Webber I have felt something for you and it is so hard to just stop. I tried to stop myself. You are a young woman who is hurting deeply and so alone,"

"I'm not alone any longer." I argued, "I have Sam and Mariah," Troy flashed a tiny smile, "I love when the lawyer side comes out in you. You always have a fight to put up." My cheeks rushed with heat and Troy continued to walk and I continued to follow him. The gravitation too strong for me to control any longer, "Do you ever wonder what life would have been like without Collin?"

I let out a long sigh, "Hell, I don't know."

"Have you thought about?"

"Of course. I love Collin and nothing would change that. I would not make any one decision over again."

"Of course. I just wondered if you thought about it."

"I thought that maybe I would be married to a senior partner or to another person my level. We would be ruling the courtroom and traveling when we could and then we would have kids when we were ready."

"That was the plan?"

"Sort of,"

"Isn't two lawyers together a terrible thing?"

I laughed, "Possibly."

"As long as we are clear,"

We continued to walk without much of any more words between the two of us. The birds were chirping and the leaves were rustling in the air as they began to descend down to the ground. The night air was warm but not too warm, as tomorrow it would bounce back into the 60s for a little while longer.

"Why did you ask that question?" Troy shrugged his shoulders, "I just wonder what has been through your mind before." I pursed my lips and nodded, "What made you to decide to become an oncology doctor?" the pure question was simple but Troy kind of went rigid, his jaw tightened and he only pressed his lips together tightly.

I stumbled to find words as his whole body changed within a couple of seconds causing me to panic. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything, you don't have to answer the question." Troy relaxed slightly but not to where we were a couple of minutes ago.

"Tell me about your brother and sister." A breath left his mouth in a fluid motion, "My siblings," his body rolled out a little less tension, "and I actually have a question for you." I just nodded my head, afraid to know what he is going to ask me. "Do you feel the wall?" I glanced at him and I understood what he was asking. He was referencing the invisible wall that was between us, the tension of a desperate need of a relationship budding between us. "I want to knock the fucking wall over," he gasped for air as the work fucking dropped from his mouth making my knees a hell of a lot weaker.

I could only manage a slight nod of my head "And I can't because you are right. I can't make you hate this place and if we don't work together," he began to ramble about something and I was sick of him rambling. I was tired of waiting for this.

He stopped as he was continuing to say something so I went onto my tiptoes, I grabbed his head gently with me hand and I brought him closer to me so that our lips meshed together. A pure line of shock went through my body and I must have taken Troy by surprise as his mouth was shocked but he quickly recovered as his hands reached up to grab my face, to pull me closer to him. Once I realized what was going on, I pushed him back slightly as I gasped from the magnitude of the kiss. My lips were vibrating and my body was pulsing as Troy felt it too.

My eyes connected with his and I turned away as I started moving. What did I just do?

"Gabi," he called, I started it, I did start it but I was hoping something would stop it. I stopped as he came up behind me, my wide eyes filled with his. Everything my brain was screaming at me was pointless because it was risky and careless and stupid but I yearned for more but the risk made my heart explode with excitement as I looked into his eyes. My stomach had butterflies exploding inside of it and my heart raced with intensity.

He went to say something but I turned away, my brain winning out of everything that my body was feeling.

* * *

… **. Happy Sunday!**

 **If you read MOW, there will not be an update next week. HOPEFULLY, I have enough time trying to get one out next weekend but with Homecoming week upon me…it could be hard but I will try my hardest!**

 **I hope you enjoyed!**

 **Also – read my authors note on my profile! It gives an update about next weekend!**

 **Please Review!**


	11. Shock

Chapter 11 – Shock

" _We all have different reasons for forgetting to breathe."_

The first time I ever lost my breath I was throw into a pool in the middle of April. The water was frigid and frightful; it was the young age of six when it had happened. I didn't dare touch a pool unless I slowly got in to avoid the massive shock that caused me to lose my breath in the first place. I remember hitting the bottom and my body went rigid from the ice-cold water in the medium temperature day in Southern California. I fought the water all the way back to the top trying to remind my heart to beat. Once I hit the surface my air tried to come into my chest but nothing would come. Gasping for air over and over again until finally my lungs inflated from the trauma they just went through.

Kissing Troy Bolton caused my lungs to spasm with shock and surge to find oxygen but when I walked away from him is when it caused my body to go rigid and my heart stammered inside my chest and I felt my body gasp for air to try to control what exactly my body was feeling. Nothing should cause a body to respond like that, nobody should cause a body to respond like that. My hands were sweaty and my eyes seemed scattered, as I wanted to kiss him more. Nothing felt so damn good against my lips, his hands sliding around my chin to bring me closer.

The kiss replayed a thousand of times inside my head, the breathlessness of the moment startling every time I felt his lips against mine. I had to retrain my lungs how to breathe again and how my body works.

Over my lifetime, many things began to take my breath away but nothing quite compared to the moment my lips touched Dr. Bolton's.

* * *

Gabi's POV

 _Monday, October 27_ _th_ _, 2014_

Collin twisted in his bed and I quickly sprung up to grab him his yucky bucket as we had called it this week, as it had become his best friend. I rubbed his back gently as I was becoming worn from the past week in the hospital and today was the first day of scans which meant we weren't being released until tomorrow night now at the latest. Everything between Troy and I was high with tension. He wasn't staying longer than needed and when he saw Collin getting sick he cringed wanting to be in here.

I knew I should talk to him and he wanted to talk to me but I am the one who walked away. He was angry the first day but he must have realized what was going on in my mind because he let it go. Troy was actually standing just outside our room, he turned around at the commotion and he leaned over to talk to a nurse. A nurse quickly moved over to us and I sighed, this was getting ridiculous. The first day he walked in here and he was angry. I understood why he would be angry because _I_ was angry. It wasn't fair that I found somebody and I couldn't have them because he was my son's oncology doctor.

Nothing was fair.

The next day he came in, he didn't speak and he also didn't look at me but the anger seemed to have dissolved slightly. Over the next couple of days he would say small things, nothing drastic, just a simple hello or a good night if his rounds of Collin were later in the evening. Collin was struggling through this round of chemo and my stomach was rock hard. I felt so bad that he was struggling but I was hoping that maybe, this was the end and he would be ready for surgery.

The nurse was stripping the bed clean as Troy turned to look my direction but his eyes quickly diverted elsewhere when he realized I was looking at him. I wanted to kiss him again. I never told anybody that I kissed him. I never told Sam or Mariah. I wanted too but something about that kiss I wanted to cling that to my chest and never allow anybody else to understand that kiss. I don't think anybody would understand that kiss unless they felt it themselves.

Troy started to talk to somebody, a woman that was standing at the counter. He looked agitated by her presence right now; she smiled as her eyes turned into our room before snapping back to the Bolton male. My eyes scanned her features, dark chestnut hair, her skin was tanned like Troy's and when her eyes flashed over here again, I realized that she was Sammy Bolton. It doesn't take long to connect the two with both of them having the same damn eyes.

I rolled my eyes as I had no clue how Troy, Marcus, and Sammy all got the same color of intense blue eyes. It was like staring in a mirror, you could see your reflection because they were so clear. Troy whispered yelled something at her as she took a step backwards and he ran his fingers through his hair. Sammy smirked and then walked off into a room. Troy went behind his desk and seemed to be gathering his things. He was off Saturday and was here for all of yesterday so he must already be done for the day.

He came back out and gave a warning glance to his laughing sister and then he disappeared to the elevators with a very worn out expression. Normally, he would have stopped in here to bid a good-bye. Today…he just left. I wish he would have.

Not but five minutes after Troy disappeared onto the elevator, his sister bounced into our room. She had a grin on her face, "So you are the famous girl," I raised an eyebrow in her direction, "Me?" I asked, she laughed, "Gabi right?" I nodded my head, Collin looked at the lady and he hid under his blanket. "I'm so sorry, you have no idea who I am."

"You're his sister," I answered, she smirked, "The eyes?" I laughed and nodded, "The eyes and the way he was yelling at you," she waved her hand, "I come up to volunteer when I have time in my oh so busy schedule of bartending and waiting on tables,"

"He mentioned you all had college degrees,"

"I do." She answered, "I just…don't know what I want to do when I grow up." I smiled at her response as she sat down, "Let me introduce myself, I am Sammy,"

"Gabi," I replied, she smiled and she looked over at Collin then back to me, "He must really like you if he talks about Marcus and I." I felt my cheeks turn red, "He really likes you guys,"

"Not enough to talk about us to a client," I looked out the window as she smiled, "He talks about you frequently as well, did you know, he called me asking me which shirt he should wear one day. Mind you, I had a killer hangover. For some ungodly reason, when I am not bartending I find myself at a bar with some awful man I don't even want to be with in the first place and I get hammered,"

"What's hammered?"

Sammy and I both looked over at Collin as she laughed, "Hi little man, you must be Collin," he squirmed around in the bed and I got up to comfort him. "Hammered is when you take a hammer and hit your head by accident. I would not advise doing it." Collin scrunched his face in a funny why, "Why would you do that?"

"Because I made a bad choice," she replied, "You don't make bad choices do you?" he shook his head, "I don't."

"Good! Then you wont ever have that issue!" he looked over at me as I tried not to laugh, "Co, how about you take a nap,"

"Actually, we are coming to get him for scans," I turned around as it was that time already, Sammy looked at the clock as well. "I'll keep you company Gabi," I turned to tell her that she didn't have too but she was already talking Collin's ear off as I was pulled out to sign papers. I seemed to always be signing papers.

I signed my name several times while Collin was being prepped for his day of testing that he was about to undergo. I went over to kiss his forehead gently, "I'll be here when you wake up, okay?" he nodded and I kissed him again, "I love you."

"I love you too momma,"

They took him off and Sammy was still standing there. "You don't have to stay," I told her, she giggled, "I want to stay. All my brother does is try to impress you and this last week he has gone mute over you." I raised my eyebrow, as he must have been pretty close with his sister. "Its just not good timing," I confessed, "What better timing really?" she turned around, "You are stuck in the hospital a lot, he lives in the hospital a lot and I mean, he already knows the worst thing about your life right now."

My eyes squinted at her and she shrugged her shoulders, "I have been told before that I am very forward."

"Ya think?" I shot back, she laughed, "I do like you!"

"So what happened?" she asked me, I sighed, "We kissed," I replied, "and we haven't talked since." She frowned, "Was it bad?"

I laughed, "No," I replied, "It wasn't at all. Just not the right time," I told her again, "Why?" she asked me, I looked at her, "If Troy hasn't told you then I don't know if I should." I replied, "Girl, he threatened me if I came in here that he would hurt me. He has never once told me a room was off limits. He knows what I ask to many different people."

"I bet you don't ask them this."

"I ask them about their lives." She countered, "What about your life?" I recoiled slightly and she smiled, "I might have majored in Psychology," I raised an eyebrow and she smiled, "Normal look but it's a long story."

"What does Marcus do?"

"Marcus beat me up here?" she cursed, "He is a teacher," I nodded, vaguely remember him telling me all about that one day. Rolling my lips together, I looked at her, "So what was Troy doing when you were hammered,"

"Oh!" she forgot how she had gotten interrupted in the middle of her story, "He calls me at the ass crack of dawn asking me if he should wear blue or green,"

"Blue," I answered automatically, my lips snapping shut after the words leave my mouth, her smiled turned into a tight smirk, "You are just as into him as he is into you." I kept my lips tight and she smiled because she had a lot of answers. "Look, I don't know what your reasons are but don't let your brain win out here. It isn't fair to you or to Troy." My eyes lifted to hers, "If something happens you request a change of doctors and sure as hell I'll make him change doctors for you."

I smiled at her and she smiled at me, "I have never seen him so into a girl before and you have barely said five words to me. I get that he is attracted to you. He protects you from me because he knows the stupid things I ask. Your son is adorable and you love him."

I sighed and she reached over to pat my leg, "You know what is best but if you are holding out because it might ruin what you have now, how has this past week been with Troy not talking to you and being stuck here."

"Miserable,"

"So miserable either way right?"

I let my chest contract and I nodded, "Let him take you out on that date. He is good with those and Collin deserves a happy mom and to have Troy around…"

I smiled, "Are you married?" she waved her hand around, "Hell no, men and I rumble more than we kiss. You would think after having two brothers that I would actually understand the male species but I don't. I have good brothers with manners and good jobs. They support their women, not that either of them have any, and they are nice. Every man I find is just rude."

I laughed, "Collin's dad is…mhm," I shake my head as I looked over at her, "I was the one that walked away, I was also the one that took the first kiss. I was so used to our kisses being interrupted and then they never happened but it _did_ happen and I freaked out. I don't want to ruin this for Collin."

"Collin would probably love having Dr. Troy around," she teased, "I am really glad that I got to meet you. Troy will be pissed when he finds out but eh," she shrugged her shoulders, "I don't normally give a damn." I laughed aloud and I nodded, "I was glad to meet you too Sammy,"

"Just…give him a chance to let him make this work because I have never heard him this way over a girl. He never calls me at the crack of dawn to ask me what he should wear to work to impress a mom who is sleep deprived."

"I'll see."

"Don't think about it. Feel."

Sammy looked at her watch and then jumped up, "I have to go but it was really nice meeting you." She ran out of the room faster than she appeared, I looked down at my phone and decided I was going to take a hell of a nap. I lay down in the chair and curled up. Sam was with Ryan today as he was recovering and Mariah was recovering with Kale. I was left alone with my thoughts and I pulled a blanket up and over me.

* * *

 _Tuesday, October 28_ _th_ _, 2014_

My eyes drifted to Troy who was signing our discharge papers, he walked into the room with them as he handed them over to me, he made sure our hands were far apart while my eyes looked over to Collin who was not feeling well today.

Standing up, I walked out of the room and Troy followed, "I'm glad your sister chose the blue shirt,"

"Jesus Christ, I ask her not to do one fucking thing." I raised my eyebrows at him, " _Thank_ her," I replied, I leaned closer to him and I snaked my fingers over his wrist like he did to me that one day, as I tilted my head back to look at him. "You busy Friday night?" It was his turn to raise his eyebrow, "What did she say to you?"

"Enough for me to give you that date," I replied, "So are you busy on Friday night?"

"No," he stammered, "I am free, are uh you free?"

"Would I ask you out on Friday night if I wasn't?" he laughed and stumbled over his lips to find words as he smiled, "Really?" I nodded my head; I pulled my hand away from his wrist and plucked at his collar. "Make sure you wear that blue shirt alright? Or are you going to call your sister for more advice?" His cheeks turned red as I backed away from him, the shock on his face glowing and I went back into Collin's room.

He was sitting up in his bed but he was exhausted. He had a very tough week when it came to the chemo and then a full day of testing. "Gabi," I looked to see Troy leaning in the doorway, the embarrassment clean from his features. "We need to talk about his MRI," I felt my face fall slightly, "Will you come with me?" I nodded my head as he pulled me back into his office. I walked back into the office where Collin's scans were.

My stomach shrank, as I wanted to vomit into a trashcan. I had just gone from flirting to looking at my son's small body full of cancer. "This is the first scan," he pointed to the one on the left and I looked at the one on the right, "Do you see the problem I see?"

"There isn't much of a difference," I muttered, I sat down on the edge of Troy's desk as he sat down next to me, "They are smaller," he said, "Not by much, but they are. His main tumor in his belly is definitely smaller and no new ones popped up so that is _outstanding."_ I looked over at him and he was looking at me, "I know, it doesn't look like much but it is good. It also means three more months of chemo before we can even think about a surgery."

Turning my eyes to focus on him he sighed, "I know, it's not the best of news in the world but it is something. It isn't getting worse by these tests, okay? I know you wanted to be done with chemo but maybe we can make a compromise here, we will do two more chemos. I just need that main tumor to shrink about seven more inches to get a clean cut on that tumor and some of the others didn't really move to remove those. I am concerned with the one near his shoulder, has he been complaining of shoulder pain?" I tried to think back but this past week he has been drugged up with drugs and at home he normally complained about his belly more than anything.

"No, he hasn't complained about his shoulder. He has complained about his belly though,"

"That tumor is still huge," he muttered, "I bet he does complain about it but it is getting better. I promise." I looked at him and he nodded, "He's doing good," he rubbed my knee and then got up, "I'll call you Friday," he said, I looked at him, "Troy," he turned around to face me and he shut his door again, "Yes?"

"It's really hard to go from flirty to cancer, can we uh…not do it again?" Troy laughed, "I'm not used to letting you flirt with me."

"You did seem pretty shocked out there."

Troy smirked, "Okay, I have to go before things look weird. You okay?" I nodded my head and I got up to go over and brush my fingers over the scans. I saw the insides of my little boy but it caught my breath to see foreign objects stuck around, dirty cells attacking each other and forming a massive ball. I walked back out and Collin was curled up in a ball. I rubbed his back as a nurse brought in the final discharge papers. Collin whimpered and I cringed as I packed up the final list of things.

"You ready big guy?"

They brought in a wagon and a helper to take things downstairs. I picked him up and I made sure he had his jacket on up and tight with a beanie over his head. It had gotten cold outside since we had last been outside. We had been stuck confined inside the hospital all week and when I went to take the first load to the car and move it closer, I was taken back by the strong northern winds hailing down on us.

He buried his face into my neck but quickly pulled away gagging as he puked over my shoulder and all down my back. I cringed and he started to cry, "It's okay," I soothed, he pushed away from me, clearly angry by the actions that had just occurred. "Collin," he started to hit me, "Co," I breathed but my own eyes were battling back tears as I felt him slip from my grasp. My hands looked down at my chest as his hand marks were left from the small beating I had received. His sobs were angry as I looked up to see Troy holding him, trying to calm him down.

A nurse came over and offered me several things but I could only focus on his screaming. My head was buzzing as I decided that I needed a minute. I grabbed a cleanish shirt from our bags and I went into the bathroom and I sank into the ground. I took off the puke shirt and I pulled on the clean one and then I stood up to examine my face. I let out a breath because he was angry because he had been sick the entire week. He had to go to sleep yesterday and he didn't wake up from it well like normal.

This wasn't my fault he just had nobody else to take his anger out on.

Getting up, I opened the bathroom door as Troy flashed me a look of concern as he looked at me, I went over to take Collin from his grasp and Collin pushed away from me, "Collin," I shushed, he whimpered, "We are leaving," I promised. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said shortly, "He is just upset and angry and frankly, I don't blame him," Troy just nodded as I started to walk out, "I'll call you Friday morning to make sure he is still okay for you to leave?" I nodded my head gently and I made a beeline for the elevator as my cheeks were hot with embarrassment and Collin was sobbing from being in pain.

* * *

 _Thursday, October 30_ _th_ _, 2014_

Collin puked into a trash bucket as my body cringed as nothing was helping. Troy for some goddamn reason took the whole rest of the week off and I was stuck with an on-call doctor. Frustrated with all of the options that he had provided for me to use, Collin was still getting sick and I wouldn't be able to go out with Troy Bolton on Friday night.

It had slipped my mind that it would also be Halloween night but Collin wasn't going out anyways, he didn't even have a costume. Ryan came running into our room with Sam close behind as he was running around in his Superman costume. Collin looked at him funny, "Momma, I want a superman costume," I cringed, as we were not talking about Halloween with Collin. "Mommy," he said, I looked at him and he already had tears in his eyes.

"Ryan told me Halloween was coming," I sighed, "Co, you aren't healthy enough to go trick or treating." He started to cry and he ran out of the room and slammed a door shut. I lowered myself onto a bed and Sam sat down next to me as Ryan ran off to follow Collin. I lowered my head into my hands while I pulled back, "I have a spider-man costume in hiding just in case this happened." Sam's face fell, "What about this date with Troy?"

"It can wait,"

"Gabi,"

I looked up at her, "It can wait," I told her again, "I don't know how many Halloween's that I will have with Collin. I don't know how much longer that I may or may not have with him and if he wants to go around one block with me carrying him up to the doors with one bucket full of candy and the other gathering puke I will do it. My date with Troy Bolton can wait." My voice seemed to rise and expand with every sentence but tears also came flooding out of my eyes.

Sam stood up and wrapped her arms around my shoulders in a hug, "I understand," Sam paused, "Have you guys like set a time?" I shook my head and she smiled, "How about we do an early trick or treating and then Ryan and I will come back with Collin because honestly, he doesn't need to be out that much either, and they can watch a movie while you go get a beer with Troy and maybe you would get that first kiss with him," I shook my head, "We already had that first kiss."

Her eyes went wide, "What?"

I nodded my head as I wiped away tears, "Yea, he came in with pizza and wine in the hospital. All of my judgment got fuzzy and we went on a walk, I got sick of him talking and I kissed him." She looked at me and I could tell what she wanted to ask. "Have you ever jumped into a pool and completely lost your breath?"

She nodded her head, "That is what kissing Troy Bolton is like."

Her lips turned into an O and she smirked, "That good?"

"Fucking fantastic."

"Call him."

I nodded my head and I hugged her, "Thank you,"

"You're welcome,"

She went out as I decided that I would first coax Collin back into my good graces as I went for the spider-man costume and I went into the living room. Collin was curled onto the couch and I walked over to sit in front of him. "We can go trick-or-treating tomorrow," I told him, he nodded his head and I pulled out the spider-man costume. "I bought you this just in case but if you don't want too tomorrow then we can stay inside and watch scary movies,"

A smile spread over his face and I pulled him into my lap, "I want you to have a good day tomorrow okay? We can't over do it and you'll have to wear a mask outside," he frowned and his bottom lip trembled because he hated that the most out of anything. He hated wearing his mask when his counts were low. "But, since you'll be spider-man, he comes with an extra cool mask to wear over the other mask."

He smiled again and I kissed his forehead gently, "I love you sweet boy, how are you feeling?"

"Tired,"

"How about you watch TV with Ryan for a couple of minutes before bedtime okay? I have to make a phone call."

"The sun is still out,"

"And you have a big day tomorrow," I reminded him, "We will cuddle and watch a movie if you want instead,"

He nodded as I got up and I went into the bedroom, I settled on the bed and I picked up my cell phone. I dialed Troy's phone number and it rang a couple of times until he answered, his voice was rich with laughter. "Gabriella," he was drunk.

"Oh boy," I announced, "Have you had too many drinks?"

"Mmm…possibly."

I laughed, "I'll call you tomorrow afternoon then instead,"

"I like hearing your voice."

"I appreciate that but," I hesitated, "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Oh no, don't go," he advised, "Actually, you should come down to the bar and hang out with me,"

"With you?"

"Yes, yes,"

"Our date isn't until tomorrow and Collin is very sick tonight, okay? I'll call you tomorrow."

"Oh…Collin is sick?"

"Very, I have to go," I didn't want to be on the phone any longer with him. I barely knew Troy Bolton sober and I didn't want to know him drunk…not yet. Maybe one day but I wasn't ready yet. Licking my lower lip, I stood up and paced the room. "I'll talk to you tomorrow,"

"Goodbye Briella," I raised an eyebrow at the nickname he had pegged on me, "Oh Ella? Or Brie? I really can't decide what I should call you." I laughed, "I'm hanging up now." I hung up the cell phone and an eager Sam was standing in the doorway, "He was drunk," I announced, "I really didn't want to get into it." I waved my hand, "I'll call him tomorrow morning," Sam nodded, "Good choice, did you say he didn't work the rest of the week?" I shook my head, "No, he didn't."

"Huh, interesting."

I got up as Collin was lying on his back; he was crying but not making much of a sound. He turned his head to look at me and he got up whimpering from pain. "What's wrong big guy?" he sniffled into my shoulder, "What's wrong big guy?"

"I don't feel good," his voice broke apart and I felt my stomach sink, "I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry," I picked him up and I went over to grab some of his pain medication that would most likely knock him out for the evening. I grabbed his anti-nausea meds that he was being prescribed because he was vomiting so much. I also grabbed a bolus for him for overnight to get food. Going into the room, I coaxed the pills down his throat and I hooked him up to his machine.

"What movie do you want?" I asked him, he shrugged so I grabbed three different movies and let him choose from those. He pointed to The Amazing Spider-man and I popped it into the DVD player as I went into the bathroom to change into a pair of shorts and a long sleeve shirt. I also brushed my teeth and pulled my hair up and out of my face. I plugged my phone into the charger as I shut off the lights and tugged the curtains shut with a tight pull. Crawling into the bed with Collin, I pressed my face into his baldhead as I kissed him and he clinged to me.

"I know bud, I know,"

* * *

Troy's POV

Friday, October 31st, 2014

I rolled over onto my stomach as I felt the pulsing continue in my head. It wasn't stopping no matter how hard I shut my eyes, my head just continued to pulse away. Pushing off the bed, I rubbed my face as I heard my house door open and shut. My eyes wondered to the spot next to me, wondering what the hell happened last night. My brain seemed fuzzy but I never actually remember a girl coming into my house last night.

I went to the bar to hang out with Sammy and some how ended up a little too drunk. Looking over at the clock, I saw it was a little past eleven and normally by this point I had a thousand emails and twenty different calls from the on-call doctor or Daniel. I pulled my phone out as my door opened, I looked over my shoulder to see Sammy looking at me, "You're alive," she said, her voice flat.

My fingers rubbed my forehead, "Seemingly," she snorted as she settled a Starbucks coffee next to me. "Bless you," I muttered as I picked up the coffee and took a bitter sip. I grabbed my cell phone as I unlocked it and went to my calls when I noticed Gabi's name in the box. I frowned, "Did Gabi call me last night?"

"You were on the phone last night." She confirmed, "Why?"

"Shit," I swore, "Gabi must have called me last night."

"You don't even remember? Did I really give you that much alcohol?" I laughed, "Somebody gave me too much," I declared, I sat up as I called Gabi back. It rang a couple of times when she answered, breathless, "Hello?"

"Hey, I uh…this is embarrassing because I don't remember talking to you last night and you called me last night and I answered the phone."

"Mmm…you did." She confirmed, "I'm glad my kid wasn't in dying need." She teased, "Good thing I wasn't on-call last night," I countered, "I am hoping you aren't cancelling this date that I have been counting down the days too."

She laughed, "Did your sister pick out your shirt from you?" I rolled my eyes, "No, she didn't." Sammy looked at me confused as I waved my hand as I took another drink of my coffee. "Today is Halloween," she started, "And I wasn't going to let Collin trick-or-treat, making it a non-issue until he found out and freaked out. So we are going for a short trick-or-treating route with all of the right protection so that he can do it."

My mouth went dry and I couldn't decide if it was because I may not get that date tonight or because I was hung-over. "I understand," I muttered, "I didn't say I was cancelling the date." She spoke, a sense of sassiness disguised in her voice. I perked up, "We just have to go later and I'll drive myself. I don't need you coming to the apartment or anything."

"I'm hurt," I claimed, "I can't pick a girl up for our first date?"

"Technically, I think the pizza dates should count in the hospital room." I laughed, "Sorry, it doesn't." she laughed from the other end, "I am glad to hear you sober this morning."

"Yea, I'm really sorry about last night. I don't get many of those anymore."

"Neither do I. I can understand the need for a break."

"Can I please pick you up tonight?"

She sighed from the other end, "Can I know your plans for the night?"

"I figured some dinner and maybe drinks later, I promise to stay sober,"

"Fine, I'll text you the address but you cannot come up to the door. Collin can't know about this, not yet," she stressed, I smiled, "Fine, I'll call you when I am there. What time do you think?"

"We are going trick-or-treating around 7 and won't be gone longer than thirty minutes. How about eight?"

"Eight works for me,"

"I'll see you then Troy,"

"For sure Gabi,"

I hung up the phone and Sammy smiled, "I can't believe you talked to her," I said standing up, Sammy smirked, "You got that date right?" I eyed her and she smiled, "Wear the blue shirt tonight, she likes that one the most."

"As she has told me once before,"

Sammy patted my chest, "Don't fuck this up. I like her."

"Thanks," I responded drily.

* * *

Gabi's POV

My eyes looked over at Collin who was dressed up as Spider-man and was slowly running up the street. He was trying to keep up with Ryan and Kale but he was slow and still didn't feel so hot. Mariah came up behind me with a smile on her face. "He looks alright,"

I struggled because he threw up right before we left but he was a trooper and still wanted to go. "He is sick," I confirmed, "So is Kale and Ryan," she spoke, "He is going to be okay,"

"I just don't want him getting an infection or something."

"He is okay, relax, and enjoy this. You look like you could use a drink."

"There is a reason I asked Troy to joy me for a drink tonight." I mumbled, Mariah smirked, "I am so fucking happy that you decided to finally just go out with him."

"They kissed!" Sam said coming up from behind us, Mariah dropped her jaw as she looked at me, "No," I shrugged my shoulders as I paid attention to Collin as he climbed another set of stairs, his breathing labored as I felt pain in my chest watching him. "When did you kiss him?"

"Uh…you guys were still in the hospital." I said, they both stared at me, "What? I didn't want to share it yet. I was in shock,"

"That was why he didn't spend that much time in your room the following couple of days. He looked mad," Mariah, said, I nodded my head, "He was mad. I am the one who kissed him and then I was the one to walk away."

"So why does he want to date you?"

"Because that kiss was…." I stopped and left them hanging as Collin slowly made his way down a driveway, he sat down on the curb as I moved forward, "Co," he looked up as I saw the tears in his eyes even with the mask blocking most of his face. I bent down in front of him, "I'm okay," he whispered, he stood back up and he was determined to keep going forward. "Can mommy carry you for a little bit?" I asked he nodded his head as I picked him up as I walked with him up and down a couple of driveways.

We turned on the street as we were keeping the boys at Mariah's tonight for a sleepover, which made me extremely nervous for how he feels right now but they convinced me. I then text Troy telling him my apartment number and that he could come up and get me when he got here. I got a sympathetic look at a couple of doors for carrying him and some nasty looks on our way back down the street. Once we got back to Mariah's house, Collin was basically asleep on my shoulder.

"Has Troy talked about changing his chemo routine?" I shook my head, "No,"

"You might ask him about it at your clinic appointment, not your d-a-t-e but at your clinic appointment." I sent her a glare and she laughed as I took Collin downstairs. I laid him on a mattress and I slipped his spider-man costume off his body. I had to take his second layer of clothes off to show the final layer of clothing underneath of him. I kissed on his face as I pulled a blanket to his chin, "Mommy will see you tomorrow morning."

He nodded his head and I kissed it again, I went upstairs where Sam and Mariah were talking. Ryan had slipped onto the floor, just as exhausted as Collin. Kale was shifting through his candy but kept rubbing his eyes. "I'm leaving,"

"Have fun," Mariah said with a smile, I nodded, "I'll try,"

"Just push Collin to the back of your mind for a little bit." Mariah came over to hug me, "I have him and I know what to do, I have all of his meds we will be okay, I promise. You deserve a night off," I felt the tears in my eyes and I nodded my head, "Thank you,"

"You're welcome, I expect to hear all about it," I nodded wiping a tear away as I picked up my keys to race home. I still needed to change my clothes and finish my make-up but my hair was already done. I had curled it as it lay on my shoulders and hung off my back. I parked my car and I rushed inside as I only had thirty minutes. I picked up a pair of dark skinny jeans as I slipped them on; I looked at them and then decided I wanted the blank ones instead.

I looped my belt through as I grabbed a white sweater that hung on me. I reached for my blue scarf and I wrapped it around my neck. It gave it a pop of color as I slipped on a pair of tan boots that went up to the middle of my calf. I went in to apply my make-up to my face as a knock came at the door. My face paled as I still had foundation everywhere. "One minute!" I yelled, I quickly rubbed my foundation in, masked my eyelashes with mascara and a little bit of eyeliner.

I then moved to the door as I opened it up, Troy stood on the other side, ten minutes early, as he kind of took my breath away. He had on a pair of dark jeans with a blue button up shirt that was not buttoned. A grey t-shirt underneath and his hair was styled in a different way than he did it for work and he was wearing a pair of converse. "Hi," I echoed, he was looking at me, his face red, "I'm not quite ready," I announced, "But come in and make yourself comfortable," I told him.

He nodded coming into the apartment, "Sam is with Mariah who has my child,"

Troy nodded as I went back into my bedroom to finish putting my make-up on. I then put on a gold watch with diamonds glistening around and I added a long necklace with a couple of bracelets on my wrist to match my watch. Quickly, I attached a pair of diamond earrings to my ears and sprayed a bit of spray on me. I released a breath as I looked at me and for the first time in months I felt pretty and put together. This brought a smile to my face that I had not seen in quite a long time.

I picked up my purse and slung it over my shoulder as I went out to see Troy leaning back against the counter. He looked up, "You are quiet," I mentioned, his eyes snapped up to look at me and his mouth faltered, "You are…beautiful," he seemed to be lacking words as those were the only things he could come up with. I smiled, "Thank you, this is the first time I have like gotten ready for something in so long. It actually felt good."

"You look…wow," he murmured, I laughed, "I think we need to get some drinks in you," Troy smirked, "That might just do the trick," I opened the apartment door and Troy let me out first but I turned to lock it tightly. "Do you need to be back at a certain point tonight?"

"No," I answered, "Collin is staying the night with Mariah,"

"That's nice of her,"

"She is about the only person I would let him stay the night with," Troy smiled, "Mama bear," we walked down the stairs together as I felt his eyes linger on me. "How is he doing?"

"You really don't remember our conversation last night do you?" Troy laughed shaking his head, "Sammy was the manager at the bar last night, I normally get free beer or cheaper beer and I had the night off which is rare," I nodded, "Sammy is really nice," I offered, Troy smiled, "Sammy is something else."

"As soon as I saw her I knew she was a Bolton sibling," Troy opened his car door for me and I slipped into the seat. It was a nice car, clean, professional, and something that was also practical. He slipped into the other side and stepped on his brake to start the car. I buckled my seatbelt in and he looked over at me, "I told her not to go talk to you,"

"As soon as you stepped on the elevator she was in our room," Troy rolled his eyes, "I can't believe her."

"She was nice," I said, "Don't and really, she got you this date because I was on the edge,"

Troy glanced over at me, "Why?"

I sighed, "I don't know. I figured maybe we could just remain friends and be just as happy with that but I knew that the tension between us would grow."

"Why did you change your mind?"

My eyes drifted out the window and I turned to look at him, "Not talking to you all week was horrible and I hated the hospital and I had nothing to look forward too. I guess no matter what you not being there sucks." Troy glanced over at me and then back over to the road, "I'm sorry, I was kind of being a jerk about the whole situation."

"You had the right. I kissed you and I walked away,"

"Yea well…you are here now on a date with me and that's all that matters." I smiled as he looked over at me, what I really liked about this whole thing, as it wasn't awkward. First dates can be so awkward and this wasn't awkward. "I'm glad this isn't awkward." I stated Troy smiled as he kept his eyes on the road. "It is normally nice to know the girl before taking her out on a date because then it is easier to get to know them."

"Agreed, that is why I hate blind dates. They are so awkward."

Troy laughed with a nod, "Agreed,"

* * *

Troy's POV

She. Was. Gorgeous.

There was no other way to put it, I knew she was beautiful in a puke stained shirt with her hair frazzled and a pair of sweat pants but holy hell, she was fucking gorgeous when she is put together and with a beautiful smile on her face. Her brown eyes seemed even softer today and she was just…wow.

I couldn't believe it when I opened the door and she was only half done. We had ordered dinner, ate dinner, and we were walking down the street to get ice cream. We both had a couple glasses of wine and all I wanted to do was pin her against the concrete wall and kiss her. I wanted to slip my hand into hers and guide her down the street and I wanted to touch her but I was refraining and now it was getting awkward as I was trying not to touch her.

Keeping my distance from her and trying to make sure that she was comfortable. We talked through dinner and I seemed to get to know her a little bit better but she was guarded. I knew she was guarded and she had a son to protect but I knew him pretty well already. "Troy,"

"Hm?"

"You got quiet," I sighed as I stuffed my hands deep into my pockets, "I was just thinking,"

"About?"

I smirked, "I probably should keep them to myself." Gabi smiled and she looped her arm through my arm, her skin vibrated against mine as I clinched my teeth together. She stopped on the sidewalk and she leaned up on the tiptoes. "I can see you trying to be a perfect gentleman," my jaw relaxed slightly, "I am a little tipsy right now but I wouldn't mind holding your hand." I stopped as I looked down at her.

"You are testing me," I blubbered, she smiled, "It's a first date step and I mean…we already had that first kiss so we might as well hold hands and I don't know, I would like to kiss you again tonight." I tilted my head backwards to look at the moon as I slipped my hands out of my pockets and I finally, finally, collapsed my fingers with hers. Her palms were smooth against mine, her fingers were small and cold but some how they fit perfectly with mine.

Her hand buzzed through mine and I tried to breath, "Thank you," I muttered, "This was hard,"

"Sometimes this girl makes the first move,"

"You seem to be constantly making the first move,"

"You are the one with the job of taking care of my son. You are nervous and I understand but maybe I just need a little bit more right now."

"Why is that?"

"I haven't felt this…alive since I was in a courtroom three months ago. I haven't felt this happy since a while before that. I want and love this feeling and I don't want it to go." She leaned into me, as she was intoxicating. She smelled so good and I wanted to hug her and kiss her and do so many other things with her but it was only our first date…after three months of seeing her constantly. I felt like I knew so much about her already.

We walked into the ice cream shop and her palm left mine and I was left with the sting cold. She walked up to the counter as the guy behind the counter smiled at her. "Where is Mr. Collin?" he asked, she smiled back as I watched her, "Sleeping over with some friends tonight."

"Is he feeling better?"

"No, sadly, this chemo took a tool on him. He is struggling but we are shrinking those ugly tumors."

"Who did you bring with me tonight," Gabi spun around on her heel with a silly smile on her face, "This is my date, Troy Bolton," I smiled as I reached forward to shake the mans hand, "Gabi, would you like the normal?" she nodded but then turned to me, "Do you want to share a banana split? I really shouldn't eat all of it. Co and I normally split."

I just nodded my head, completely drugged underneath her spell. I bet she was brilliant in the courtroom because I watched her march around this center and know exactly what she wants. She is never unsure of herself. My eyes filled with hers as she then laughed and talked with the owner again. I shrugged off my jacket as I placed it on the back of a chair; I took a seat while Gabi got the ice cream. It was close to eleven at night as she settled across from me.

She gave me a spoon and she dug in, "You must have been a sight in the courtroom," her eyes lifted to look into mine, "Why do you say that?" Ice cream bubbled out of her mouth and I couldn't help but laugh as I reached for a napkin to hand it to her. She laughed embarrassed to the notion that she just squirted ice cream out of her mouth. "Why do you say that?" she asked again, her voice firm and no ice cream leaking out from the corners. It took all control not to wipe it myself.

"You have my full attention," I told her, "I can't take my eyes off of you as you are just so…sure of yourself. It's amazing what I see outside of a hospital room sometimes. I see a mom in a hospital room who is worn and concerned about everything with her son and you are just as beautiful then as you are now but right _now_ I literally can not take my eyes off of you. You are so sure of everything you do, everything you say is perfect. You are just so easy to follow and your eyes sparkle."

She blushed, "Gabi, you make all of the moves and you some how you let go every horrible thing that is going on right now. I admire that." I mused; she looked at me and then turned away as I could see that struck a cord through her. I reached over for her hand, "I'm sorry,"

"No, don't be. It was it is a nice break from the cancer world. Even if you are directly related. You made me forget."

"Good,"

She took another bite of ice cream and the sadness disappeared, "Do you work tomorrow?"

"No," I answered, "I'm off till Monday,"

"We have clinics on Monday,"

"Morning or afternoon?"

"Mid-morning," she said, "What's with the long weekend off?"

"Time for a break." I told her with a shrug, "I needed to clear my mind a little bit. See my mom and dad,"

"Momma's boy," she pegged, I grinned, "Guilty,"

I took a bite of the ice cream and I couldn't deny that it was very good. I looked up at her and she smiled at me, I smiled back at her as we then both broke out into laughter. Her cheeks turned red ands she had thing of syrup just below her lip. There was no resisting myself as I leaned forward to swipe my finger under her lip, she froze as I scrubbed the small amount of chocolate off her tanned skin as my finger burned with heat and her breathing was slow as it exited from her beautiful mouth.

I pulled my hand away as I wasn't sure what to do next because if I licked my finger, it seemed too much for one night but wiping it on a napkin seemed insulting. Instead, she was being forward Gabi for the evening and pulled my hand and she licked my finger. I sat still as her tongue wrapped around my finger to make sure all of the chocolate had disappeared before releasing. My breath seemed to falter in my chest as I eased my finger back. She smirked, "You know when you grabbed my wrist that day in the hospital room? That was pay back."

Releasing the built up pressure of air inside my chest I laughed, "Wow,"

"Exactly,"

"You are something else."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

* * *

Gabi's POV

Troy eased into my apartment complex a couple minutes past midnight on Halloween night. Teenagers were still looting around in the cold air as Troy glanced over to me, I kind of didn't want this night to end but I also didn't want him in my apartment yet. I wasn't ready.

He looked over at me, "I'll walk you to the door," he mentioned softly, Troy Bolton turned into somebody who took control in the hospital to passive tonight and I knew how I could be. I knew that I took control and lot and that I was different from the girl he knew. "I'm sorry if I am not who you expected me to be." I told him as I slipped out of the car, he stopped to look at me, he tilted his head backwards, and "You definitely are not what I expected you to be." He pegged, his breath came out as cold pockets in the wind.

"I guess,"

"No, no," he advised waving his hand, he reached forward to grab my hand gently, his hand pulled me in, "You are not the women I found crying in the hallway because her son was sick, you are not the women that couldn't hold herself together in the wake of a nightmare. You are the women that screamed at me for not waking her up when I took her son for a simple MRI. You are the women that put up a fight for what she believes in. You are so much more than I was expecting and I enjoy it."

His fingers tilted my chin back to look into my eyes, "I had a lot of fun tonight Gabi, and I loved seeing how you really are."

I breathed as I closed my eyes, "Are you going to fucking kiss me or not?" Troy laughed, "You are very forward," he whispered, I opened my eyes to look at him and he smiled, I finally pulled my hand around his neck to make him come closer to me. His lips meet mine and I splashed into the pool all over again.

The shock went from my lips to my pinky toe, his arms wrapped around my waist to pull me in and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I could barely breath, as my lungs wouldn't reflate, his lips were full and warm against mine. I gripped the back of his shirt as his tongue ran over my lips and I pulled away to breath. Troy sucked in air rapidly as I struggled to get my lungs to work again. My heart pulsing faster than it did went I went diving into the pool.

"Holy shit," he whispered, I leaned my head into his chest, "If every kiss was like that then we may never be able to stop." He whispered into my ear, I grinned as I pulled back and I kissed him again. "This won't be our last date right?"

"After that kiss Gabi, you may never get rid of me." I brushed my fingers through the back of his hair while he nodded, "I better go before I make a mistake or something," I laughed as he kissed him once more and he took a step back. The bitter winds suddenly making me cold, I didn't even know that it was cold until his grip released me. "I'll see you Monday Dr. Bolton," he chuckled, "Can I take you to an empty room?"

I giggled as he winked at me, "Thanks for tonight Gabi,"

"No…thank you," I said quietly, he smiled and I went into the apartment, as I couldn't wipe a smile from my face. I entered the apartment; Grant and Sam were sitting on the couch watching TV. I pressed the door shut and I fell back against it as I breathed. A big smile overcoming my face again, I wasn't sure if it was ever leaving. "Holy hell, you had a great date." Sam jumped up and I couldn't take away the smile, I just bit my lip and nodded my head.

She laughed, "Did he have fun?"

"We basically just made out downstairs and it's not the last date we are going on,"

"Lawyer Montez finally found a boy?" I shot Grant a look, "Easy now, he likes my commanding personality," Grant snorted, "I'll say,"

"Did Mariah call or anything?"

Sam pressed her lips together; my face drained, "Sam,"

"He had a rough night," Sam admitted, "Why didn't you guys call me? I could have left, we didn't have to go to get ice cream, I could have gotten him or I,"

"I have been taking care of him, we knew you would want him but we were not ruining your date tonight. Look at you, you are glowing right now and Collin is still breathing and sleeping peacefully in your bed right now okay? I don't want you to throw this away," she pointed to this look, this me, the person that has been hiding by the ugliness of cancer. "You told me that you felt like you dived into a pool head first on a fifty degree pool when you are with him."

"You needed that," I felt my chest breathe, "You deserve some happiness and he gives you that. Collin is still here and Collin is still breathing. If it were serious then we would have called you. Trust us Gabi, please," I looked at Sam and I nodded my head as she wrapped her arms around me, "Thank you," I breathed, "Just promise me that I get to see this girl who looks like she is sixteen and found the love of her life."

I smiled, "I promise."

I let go, waved good-bye to Grant, and then I disappeared into the room. My eyes filtered Collin in the bed as he was snuggled up and hooked up to a feeding. I smiled as I took off my clothes; I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I scrubbed my face free of the make-up that I pressed on my face earlier. I wiped clean a girl that had fun tonight and forgot about the world of cancer. I pulled my hair into a sloppy bun on the top of my head.

I looked in the mirror and I recognized a girl who was tired of staying up all night with her toddler but I also saw a girl who couldn't wait for the next opportunity to go out and be that girl, the girl who was happy. We all have different reasons for losing our breath and I am pretty sure I found the only person who could ever make me feel like I dove head first into a pool full of ice cubes.

* * *

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	12. Risks

Chapter 12 – Risks

" _In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take,"_

Since I was a young child, I always seemed to do anything that came to my mind. My parents would get furious with me at this because I would put myself in harms way to do whatever came to my mind. Before I had turned eighteen, I had already jumped out of a plane, deep water diving in the polar water, parasailing over the water, crashed a couple of different proms, and had too much alcohol and experimented with different drugs.

I was a dare devil and the choice to move from boyfriend to boyfriend to have sex was nothing new. When I found out I was pregnant, I took it as a challenge to further my adventure seeking. I moved away from the only city I knew to the unknown Rocky Mountains, I ran the mountains to keep in shape while pregnant. I did different types of yoga to train my body to have a natural birth. My mom called me an idiot but I wanted to feel the rush and to take on another challenge.

Hiding Collin's father was another challenge.

Taking on an office of law was another challenge.

And suddenly, my life wasn't about finding that rush any longer. It was about living, making money, doing things that keep our children safe. I lost sight of what adventure was and since I had Collin I had passed up many chances to let my wild side out again and I wondered if I regretted some of the things. Going on float trips, parties, running more mountains and becoming a new person to find the love of my life.

Up until Troy Bolton walked into my life. His eyes a perfect blue and his body built like he had run many different mountains. Troy Bolton walked into my world and threw me a curveball. He told me my son had cancer and weeks later he is kissing me against a wall. His lips causing shock and the rush that I haven't felt in years while being with him. I didn't want it too end. I didn't want it to be over. I just wanted to jump and take all of the risks because I didn't want to regret this one.

* * *

Monday, November 3rd, 2014

Gabi's POV

Troy reviewed the chart and I squirmed in my chair because this was the first time I had seen Troy since his lips were on mine. "How are you feeling buddy?" Collin shrugged his shoulders as he leaned into me, "When was the last time he puked?"

"Saturday," I confirmed, it had went away, gladly, and his spirits were lifting up. He was actually eating food and it made me feel a lot better as maybe this was working. Maybe he was going to be okay. Collin squirmed away from me as Troy pressed on his belly, Collin sucked in a breath, as he hadn't had any sort of painkillers today. Troy rolled away and wrote something down, he then pressed around his shoulder where a new tumor lay.

"All of his scans came back a little better," he reported, I looked up at him and Troy finally looked at me in the eyes. I sucked in a deep breath and he couldn't help but smile as he looked at Collin's chart. "He looks great today and I think we will go according to plan with his next chemo at the end of the month," his eyes laid on the calendar and he frowned, "You are supposed to come in the day before Thanksgiving," he let out a breath and he looked up at me, I smiled sadly at him, "We don't have much family so we don't do much anyways. We would probably have more fun in the hospital with all of the nurses."

This deepened Troy frown, "Gabi,"

"Troy," I warned, my eyes flirted to Collin and he sighed, "Gabi, can I talk to you out here?" Collin looked at me with alarm and I kissed the top of his head. "I think I left a bag of skittles in my bag, how about you find them?" he grinned and reached for my purse. I walked out into the hallway and Troy leaned against the wall and his eyes looked around at the nurses. "Gabi, you really have nobody?" I laughed, "C'mon Troy, you know that my parents are dead and I am an only sibling."

Troy reached forward but I dodged the handprint and he sighed knowing that he was in the wrong. "Gabi,"

"Troy, I am telling you, being in the hospital for Thanksgiving will be okay."

"Is it too early for you to come to my parents house for dinner?"

I shook my head with a laugh, "Yes, it is way too early. Collin would have to know about us and I am not ready for that yet, it has only been one date." I said quietly, my eyes flickered over to him as I wondered who could be watching and wondering about us. "Can I make that two?" he asked leaning in closer, "Saturday night? I work during the day but I get off at four,"

I tilted my head back to look at him, "I am pretty sure Sam would do anything to kick me out of the house." Troy grinned as he looked over his shoulder, he must have noticed somebody as he took a step backwards, "Collin looks good, I think that's the best I have seen him in a long time," he answered causing a brush of relief to fall though. "I'm sorry it was a rough week though," I shrugged, "Whatever works, he does seem to be doing better."

"I'll call you or have my nurse call you if his counts are low or anything but I think he'll be okay."

"Good, good, thank you,"

Troy hesitated as he looked over his shoulder once more, "I'll talk to you later," I nodded as I backed into the room. Collin was happily munching on the skittles that he had dug out of my bag. I smiled as I went over to pick him up, "Are you ready to go home?"

He nodded his head as he situated himself on my hip; he rested his head on my shoulder as I walked out of the clinic. Our next chemo scheduled for over Thanksgiving but it would be okay. Collin barely had a Thanksgiving to compare it too. If I had a family I would have probably protested a bit more but I wasn't going too.

Zipping up his coat, I went into the elevator and I settled him on his feet. I tucked his hood over his head, as it was chilly outside. He pressed his face into my neck and I walked out into the parking garage where the violent wind chill washed over us.

I kissed his forehead as I buckled him into his car seat.

"Momma, can we go to Parks?" my ears perked up at the sound of him wanting Parks. "Sure baby boy," my eyes went to the clock to see it was only a little after ten. "How about we go to the store and get some stuff for the apartment and then we can go to Parks." He nodded his head when my phone buzzed in the cup holder. I reached for it and answered.

"Hello?"

"Gabi,"

Troy's voice surprised me, "We are getting ready to leave, and do we need to come back?" my heart started to race wondering why he was calling me. Why was he calling me?

"Oh no, no, I haven't gotten his lab results back yet. I just…I have a thirty minute break and I decided that maybe I would rather talk to you then look over the amount of paperwork that I need to fill out."

I sucked in a breath of laughter as I started the car, "Well, that's nice of you."

"I really wanted to take you to my office but I think that might have looked wrong…"

"Oh maybe and plus…only one date."

Troy laughed, "One date, do you have any wants for this Saturday?" I tapped the steering with my finger as I moved the car down the freeway. "A good greasy burger and beers sound like a lovely date."

"You might just be the girl of my dreams." He declared, I smiled, "I haven't done that in a long time,"

"How about we do that around six and then we go to one of my favorite places to think." I raised an eyebrow; "I'll bring some extra beer for there,"

"You don't work Sunday?"  
"No," he answered, "I don't."

"Good," I felt a smile on my face for scheduling another date for this weekend. I looked in the mirror at Collin who was playing with one of his toys. "Somebody asked me to go to Parks for lunch. He hasn't asked to do that for weeks."

"That's good," Troy encouraged, "Very good." I looked back at Collin and I smiled, "I better go,"

"No," Troy protested, I bit on my lip, "Are you working tonight?"

He groaned, "I unfortunately have the night shift tonight,"

"Call me tonight in your boredom since I am not there to entertain you,"

"Thank God, you're so annoying," he teased, I laughed, "I bet I am,"

"But…I can call you tonight?"

"Call me, I would love to talk to you."

"Good,"

"Good-bye Troy,"

"Bye,"

* * *

Collin ate an entire cheeseburger and a thing of small fries with a milkshake. It was the most I had seen him eat in weeks. I watched him devour all of his food with a big smile on his face. I couldn't help but laugh as I felt my phone in my purse.

I reached in to grab it to see Sam calling me; I answered the phone call, "Hello?"

"Gabi," her voice was frantic, "I need help, something is wrong with Ryan, he isn't responding to me, he just keeps giving me this look and his eyes are doing funny things," she was hysterical on the other end of the phone. "Whoa, Sam, slow down, you need to call 911 if he isn't responding to you, okay?"

"I did, I did, and I just need you I don't know what's happening,"

Ryan had never once had a complication with chemo or anything since I had known him. He did his chemo once a month in a hospital and then two weeks after that did some outpatient thing and seemed to be normal. He didn't have the side effects that Collin seemed to be never endless.

"I'll meet you at the hospital okay? I am going to go drop Collin off with Mariah and I'll come be with you okay?" she was sobbing on the other end of the phone as I promised to call her back in a few moments. The next phone call I made was to Grant's office.

"Hello, this is,"

"I need to speak to Grant," I rushed, "He is with a client," the receptionist responded, I started to pack Collin's bag, "No, you do not understand. I need to speak with Grant. This isn't a yes or a no this is a now,"

"Who are you?"

"Gabriella Montez,"

"The lawyer,"

"Yes, this has nothing to do with the law. May I please speak to him?"

"Fine but ma'am,"

"No,"

She huffed and I heard her push the buttons for a transfer, it rang again and then the phone was being picked up. "Hello?"

"Grant," I breathed, "You need to get to the children's hospital soon. Ryan is heading there via ambulance and Sam is a mess." Grant breathed, "Gabi," he announced, "This isn't about who is calling you Grant,"

"We are fighting,"

"Do you think that matters Grant? Her child, her only child, the only thing connecting her to her husband who passed away any longer isn't responding to her. He isn't acting like Ryan. I don't think she cares if you are fighting or hopelessly in love. She needs somebody besides me and Ryan loves you. They both need you." Grant sighed, "I don't know if she wants to see me."

"Show up." I announced, "I know that something must be wrong when I was her first call but show up. If she kicks you out then so be it. Stay. Don't leave her."

"Fine, I'll be there in a little bit. I need to finish with this client."

"Okay, I will be there after I drop Collin off with Mariah and I will be there. Call me if you need help getting in or anything."

"Thank you Gabi,"

"You're welcome,"

* * *

Rushing into the ER, I found Sam trying to hold herself together in the corner of the room. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as I ran over to her, "Sam,"

"He stopped breathing and I don't know what's wrong," she was blubbering as I grabbed her in my arms, "Sam, calm down," I said quietly, "Calm down," I breathed into her ear, "Calm down," I rubbed her back as she cried into my shoulder, "You're okay, I can call Troy okay? I'll call him and see if he can get the scoop on Ryan, okay?" she just nodded as she sat down but Grant burst through the ER doors. A sheer look of panic across his face as he spotted us in the corner.

Sam looked up to see him and she froze, her body taking a moment to breath as he stopped to look at her as well. She got up and went over to wrap her arms around his neck as he breathed allowing himself to wrap his arms around her. He whispered something into her ear as she clutched onto him a little bit tighter. I had never wanted to be away from Collin during any of his things but to know something was wrong and she had no clue…I would be a mess and would only want Troy to be there.

It was scary how quickly Troy became the person that I would want to be like that in my life. I breathed in and I looked over at them as I went up to the nurse's desk. "Can you page Dr. Bolton for me?" I leaned into the counter and the lady looked up at me, "Why?"

"I am his girlfriend, he forgot something at home." I told her, this was an ER nurse. She had no idea who I was. She only rolled her eyes as if this was a common request. She paged him an in a matter of minutes he appeared in front of me, "I forgot something at home?" he teased, I smiled, "I just needed a way to get you down here." Troy smiled, "I appreciate it but I am concerned to why you are actually here…"

"Ryan was brought in via ambulance," Troy's eyes went wide and he spun around to see Sam and Grant together. "Is that her boyfriend?" I scoffed, "More like an asshole lawyer," Troy grinned, "Was that your rival?" I rolled my eyes and Troy nudged me, "Yes, but anyways, Sam is freaked out and I didn't know if you could help her get some answers faster." Troy brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Yea, I can try. I am in clinics all day today but I can sneak back here and see what is going on and if he is being treated right. Head of oncology has those perks,"

I rolled my eyes again, "Be careful, your eyes might get stuck."

"You might lose phone call privileges tonight if you keep teasing me," Troy smiled and I knew he wanted to lean forward to kiss me but we both took a step back to avoid it. Something about being in the hospital and him being recognized with me set both of us off. Troy cleared his throat, "I'm going to go check on him,"

"Good idea,"

Troy went behind the doors and I went over to sit by Sam, she grabbed my hand and I smiled over at her, "Troy is going to check on him okay?"

"Thank you,"

"What happened?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I have no idea, and I don't know what happened. It seemed to happen so fast. He had trouble breathing and then he stopped breathing by then I had already called 911 and you so 911 wasn't far out but I just don't know."

I rubbed her back; "I'll stay with you until he comes back,"

"Thank you, how is Co?"

"Happy, he got to go play with Kale," she smiled and I looked at the door as Sam said something to Grant, Grant pulled her in his lap and rubbed her back as she leaned into him. I sighed as I pulled out my cell phone.

* * *

Dropping my bag onto the floor, Collin ran into the house and giggled as he climbed onto the couch with Kale. Kale grinned as they were playing with something. I was exhausted and ready for both of them to crash. Mariah told me that they had played all day and nobody had taken a nap. "Boys, let's change into our PJ's,"

"Where is Ryan?" Kale asked turning to look at me, "He is sick," they both frowned as Ryan was more than sick. "PJ's," I directed again, it was late and I was exhausted. I went into my room and changed out of my jeans and heavy outerwear. I put on a short sleeve shirt with a pair of sweat pants when my phone vibrated on the nightstand. I sucked in a breath not sure I was prepared to talk to Troy.

"Hello?" I answered, I pressed the phone between my ear and my shoulder, "Gabi," he breathed, "Hey, I am trying to put the boys to bed." I answered, "Oh…Kale over?"

"Yes," I answered, "They didn't want to separate from each other after a long day of playing. Mariah was juggling her other kids so I decided to take them off her hands after a very long day." Troy sighed, "Ryan is doing better,"

"Good, she said his lung collapsed?"

"He has a nasty infection,"

"It attacked his lungs?"

"It's complicated but he is doing better, the ER doctors took care of him and once I got there I helped."

"I'm glad," I looked over at Collin who appeared in the doorway, "Popcorn?" he asked, I nodded as I pushed off the bed. I went into the kitchen as Troy sighed into my ear, "Is the floor quiet tonight?" I asked him, he laughed, "Yea, it is pretty empty right now. It's just like my house tonight, pretty empty besides a couple of kids." I paused at his analogy to his house, "Why did you buy that house?" Troy sighed, "I bought that house years ago and I thought it had a purpose and now…it is just so…empty." His voice seemed to echo like the house was empty. I put the popcorn in the microwave as Collin came to tug on my sweatpants.

"Momma,"

"Co?" I asked, "Who are you talking too?"

"Sam," I replied, the white lie brushing through my teeth. Troy chuckled on the other end as he shrugged and went back to Kale as Cars 2 popped up on the screen. "Are you popping popcorn?"

"Yes, I am. Co and Kale seem to think they need popcorn."

"He is really eating?"

"He ate an entire Parks meal and then now he asked for popcorn. Kale could have asked him to ask but I am still impressed with the Parks meal."

"I told you, he looked the best today."

"After the rough chemo week I sure hope so."

"He is going to be okay,"

After the popping of popcorn, I poured it into a bowl and I took it over to Kale and Collin. I put it between them and I shut off the light. I made sure Co had all of his medicine as I put Troy down for a minute as I put a small meal in his feeding tube and I kissed his forehead. "If you need mommy I'll be in my room okay?" he nodded as he hugged my neck, "I love you momma," I smiled, "I love you too."

Going back over to my phone I picked it up, "Sorry. The bed time routine is a little longer than most."

"Are you still giving him nighttime feedings?"

"I did a smaller one tonight but yes, gotta keep my little man healthy."

I crawled into my bed and I kept my lamp on as I listened to Troy's voice, "Okay, Saturday night," Troy started, I laughed, "Are you counting down the hours?"

"Err…maybe," I laughed, "I like it,"

"You do? I mean…that seems clingy?"

"A toddler is clingy,"

Troy laughed, "Mmm, I believe that they don't count."

"They don't?"

"No…they don't."

I smiled as Troy and I talked for two and half hours about the stupid stuff. I checked on the boys twice and each time I did they were curled up sleeping. I smiled as Troy's voice was falling asleep and I knew he had to work tomorrow morning but letting him go seemed too difficult. So, I stopped fighting sleep and let my body fall asleep but with Troy still on the other end.

* * *

 _Thursday, November 6_ _th_ _, 2014_

Ryan was finally cleared for visitors and I was going to go entertain Ryan and Sam as they were stuck in the hospital. He had a nasty infection but he was not contagious and he was bored out of his mind now that the meds were kicking in.

We pushed him into an elevator as he was babbling holding a new toy for Ryan that we had picked up and something that could play with while we were there. They claimed that Ryan was going to be stuck in the hospital for quite some time. We wound around the nurses station, Collin grinned as he spotted his favorite nurse, Melanie. She grinned as she welcomed him with a tight hug, "What are you doing here mister?"

He giggled, "I come to visit Ryan,"

"RYAN?" Collin giggled louder as Melanie picked Collin up; she then stomped towards Ryan's room, as his giggle was so loud that it caused me to laugh. I smiled looking at him as she entered the room with Collin. I followed behind as Ryan said something in excitement at the sight of Collin. I went in behind them and Melanie laughed, "Ms. Montez,"

"Gabi, Melanie," she nodded, "How is Ryan?"

"Good, good, he is recovering well,"

"He deserved it. He had a rough go around in the hospital."

"Melanie," Troy's voice dropped as he realized she wasn't out there and my heart sped up, as he was out there, Melanie excused herself as I turned around, Troy started to talk to Melanie but he realized I was standing there. His eyes diverted from Melanie and he landed them upon me, a smile spread over his lips but Melanie spoke to him causing a distraction. He finished his sentence to her and gave her something to do before breaking away.

"Gabriella," he spoke coming towards Ryan's room, "Yes,"

"Dr. Troy!" Collin ran over to greet him and Troy smiled, "What's up big man?"

"I came to give Ryan a gift!"

"You came to give Ryan a gift huh?"

He nodded his head and Troy let him go back into Ryan's room as I looked over at him, he sighed with a smile and I smiled back at him as I turned to see Sam, "Hi Sam,"

"Gabi," she said with a smirk, I rolled my eyes as I looked over a Troy, "Having a grand day at work?"

"Splendid," He bit down on his lip as I laughed, "I have a question," I remarked, "About Collin's last scans?" Troy turned to look at me with confusion and I winked at him, Sam laughed in the background, "OH, yes, I can help," he put his hand on the small of my back, "Co, listen to Sam," I yelled, Troy took me behind the nurses station and back into his office. Biting on my lip, I smiled as he was making conversation about the scans he wanted to show me with his new findings.

Only one nurse, Melanie, gave us a weird look as he shut the office door, "It's rather awkward when I can't do this," his lips pressed against mine, ice flew through my body as the shock kicked in. I realized that we had broken a barrier on the first date but kissing in his office was something else. I breathed as his lips never left mine but I wanted them too. "Troy," he laughed against my lips, the vibration jump-starting my heart.

"Can we just do that on our date Saturday night?"

I smirked, "You wish, isn't that the third date?" Troy raised an eyebrow, "I think the third date is something else…" I laughed, "Sorry big man…" he smiled, "I feel like that phone conversation should have counted for a date."

"You wish,"

"We shouldn't stay in here that long,"

He held himself together, "That date that we had, I feel like you are mine."

"Do you want me to be yours?" I questioned, Troy arched an eyebrow, "I'm not a possessive type," he countered, "So I should go out on that date with the man who gave me his number this morning?" Troy recoiled to look at me and I laughed, "I'm kidding but you are a possessive type,"

"If this next date goes well…" I furthered, "Maybe we can hint the idea with Collin." I said carefully, he smiled, "That makes this pretty official."

"That's what I am saying Bolton,"

He rolled his eyes and I shook my head, "You can not say my last name like that,"

I smirked, "Thanks for the chat Dr. Bolton,"

"Good-bye Gabriella,"

I smirked as I walked out of the office but I let down the smile as a couple of nurses glanced over at me. Going back into Ryan's room, I plopped down in a chair and Sam smirked at me. I laughed looking at her as I twisted around to see Troy shaking his head with a smile on his face while he did a chart on the iPad.

"You are so bad," I shrugged my shoulders as I looked at Collin who was playing with Ryan. "You know Sam, I might just think that this is going to be a good month."

"And why do you say this?"

"Look at him?" I said, my eyes looking up at Collin, "He is happy and acting like himself right now. The chemo isn't killing him like it did last time and he is happy. Somebody also walked into my life that has made me happy. Who knows what next month will bring but I love this right now. I might actually take Collin away for a weekend when we don't have clinics or something."

"He would love that."

"I think I need it."

"Wait a couple more weeks,"

"I'll look into it and maybe next weekend. We'll leave on Thursday and come back right before his next chemo,"

"That sounds like a good plan, you just have to run it by somebody else." I sighed as I turned to look at him again, "I know, I know, but I have something that he wants." Sam gasped, "Gabriella, you are a bad girl." I smirked, "You know it Sam,"

* * *

 _Saturday, November 8_ _th_ _, 2014_

Troy laughed with a beer touching his lips, a smile on his face as I swirled mine around in a circle. Collin was doing so well he was awake past Kale. Mariah had updated me since Ryan was still in the hospital that Collin was doing just fine compared to last week.

"I want to know something about you," Troy told me, I looked up at him, "What do you want to know about me?"

"I don't know, the stupid things," he said, I laughed, "What do you consider stupid?"

"What is your favorite color?" he pronounced, I smirked, "Don't make fun of me,"

"I won't," he assured, "Maroon,"

"Maroon?" I nodded, "I hate blood red, and I don't want dark red but maroon is softer but not pink." Troy smiled, "I like it."

"What is your favorite color?"

He smiled, "I think you know the answer to that."

"Blue, Mr. I only wear the damn color blue." Troy smiled, "You like the green shirt,"

"I love the green shirt," I flirted, "Do you ever wish to go back to California?"

"I want to take Collin one day,"

"How do you not have any family?" I smiled, "I just don't. I don't have any siblings; my mom didn't have any siblings. My dad had a brother but died when he was young. All of my grandparents are dead. I am just…alone."

"Do you think you had Collin for that reason?" I turned my head to look at him as I had thought of this before. Collin was sent to me because God knew I was going to be alone soon enough. "I have thought of that…" I encouraged, Troy sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Something that I got over a long time ago." I mentioned, "The only one that still stings is my mom. She helped me with Collin for the first few months and then she suddenly past leaving me with an infant and a funeral to plan for all of her friends who frowned upon me for having a baby out of wedlock," Troy eyed me with a laugh, "You're joking right?" I shook my head as I took another drink of my beer. "Not a bit."

Troy stuttered, "Wow, I thought we lived in 2014."

"Not those ladies,"

Troy laughed shaking his head, "Well…that must have been fun."

"They literally hated everything that I did and they yelled at me, after my mom's death."

"And you had a screaming infant."

"And I had a screaming infant."

Troy smiled, "Do you have a lot of family?"

"We don't talk to a lot of them," Troy said, "My mom has a sister who comes up for every Christmas. She had an only child who moved to Africa or something to study something. My dad had a sister as well and she lives around here. We see her for family dinners every now and then, she never got married or had kids though." I nodded, "That's nice."

"Yes, I spend more time at the hospital than I do with my family."

I frowned, "Why? You should spend as much time as possible with your family."

"I only have so many hours off,"

"And you should spend half with your family. You always complain about that big empty house." Troy glanced over at me, "I just,"

"Troy, I would kill to have my family here with me. I know I was set on this path for a reason, doesn't mean I like it. Spend time with your family. If you are at the hospital one less night then you are there one less night. You put in so much overtime,"

"It doesn't even count half the time,"

"See? Take some breaks. Collin would like a coherent doctors."

Troy rolled his eyes, "I think Co and I are going to have a staycation next weekend," Troy looked up at me, "You are coming to clinics next week right?"

"Wednesday, why?"

"I want to make sure his counts are stable before you let him into a germy hotel room."

"Well, he is going to have a blast this weekend, please don't take that away from him."

"No bribing."

Ignoring the comment I leaned over, "If his next chemo goes well with us still doing this then we can introduce Collin to the idea of having you around as my boyfriend." Troy perked up with a smile, "I like that,"

"I would like that too because when we were with Ryan in the hospital room, it is so hard not to reach over to touch you or lean into you."

"I kind of want to kiss you right now,"

"Mmm…" I finished my beer with a smile, "I better get going,"

"I thought Collin was staying the night with Mariah," Troy said spinning around on his bar stool, I laughed looking at him, "Doesn't mean you get to keep me out to the wee hours of the morning Dr. Bolton," he finished his beer as he stood up, "And why is that?" he asked jogging to keep up with me, "If I remember right, you actually have to work tomorrow and I would like to actually sleep tonight. I won't have a toddler in my bed."

"You and Co share a bed?"

I nodded, "With Sam living with us and my boss just notified me of a pay cut because he can't keep me at full pay when I am not bring in my fair share, I understand, I just am not having to crunch everything together. I don't have money to move into another apartment and pay his health insurance."

"You have health insurance right?"

"Yes, Co is apart of my plan."

"Good,"

"Are you trying to take care of me?" he blushed as he picked up my hand on the way back to the car. "I just might be."

"What if I didn't have insurance?"

"Oh easy, I would have married you at the courthouse tomorrow morning,"

"Courthouse is closed on Sunday's,"

"Alright you lawyer,"

"Is that a replacement for asshole?"

Troy chuckled, "No,"

"Gabriella, going out on a date with you is something else."

"I'm glad you think so…"

* * *

 _Thursday, November 13_ _th_ _, 2014_

My phone rang on the bench next to me but I watched Collin slide down the slid with Kale. We had decided to invite Kale along with our weekend and I knew the hospital was calling with his counts but I didn't care to listen to them. We were only here until Sunday morning and we were going to enjoy it. Collin and Kale were going to have fun.

"You should honestly answer that," Mariah slid in next to me and I shook my head, "Not a chance in hell."

"Gabi, if they are seriously low," her thought drifted out, "Then Troy Bolton will actually call me."

She frowned, "You think because you guys are flirting means that he will call you,"

"Yes," I answered, "They have called twice in four hours. If they were concerned then it would have been every thirty minutes. I get how this works," Mariah sighed, "You are being definite."

"I am tired of being controlled by the hospital."

"That is his life hanging in the balance."

"I know him Mariah, I know Collin and I know when he isn't feeling well and he is at the best he has been since he was diagnosed."

"I'll give you that," Mariah said softly, "He does look really good,"

"Thank you, Troy even said he looked good. He is fine."

"You get to deal with Troy's grumpy ass. Ignoring his phone calls,"

"He'll live."

Collin came running over with Kale as he giggled, "Mommy, I want to take this out," he tugged on his port and I reached for a thing to put over it. "Sorry buddy," I taped it onto his skin and he whined, "I don't want it anymore."

"You have to keep it."

"Do I have to keep this?" he pointed to his feeding tube and I nodded, "Yes, look, you and Kale both have one." Collin sighed, I kissed his forehead and he took off running back to the water. I leaned back against the wall, "You never told me about the end to your and Troy's date on Saturday,"

"He dropped me off and only kissed me once,"

"You guys seem touchy already,"

I smiled, "You should kiss him," I mumbled, she laughed, "It's that good?"

"It's _that_ good." I announced, she smiled, "I would take you up on that if K wouldn't mind."

I took a drink of my drink and I looked outside to see the snow falling. I loved that we had an indoor water park that Collin could run around in. I loved how much fun he was having. I loved it all.

* * *

 _Friday, November 14_ _th_ _, 2014_

 _Troy's POV_

I sat across from my mom, as I was annoyed. Gabi and I had a great date last weekend; I haven't seen her since either. I had to send my head nurse to do her clinics because I had a new patient come in and I had to take care of them. Then, I get Collin's results back and they were borderline.

Trying to call her back, she never picked up and I wondered if I should just call her cell phone because I knew she took him to that hotel and that pool. I knew she did these things and she wasn't answering her phone on purpose. This was a matter for the hospital phone to her phone. I shouldn't have to call her from my cell phone. "Troy, you alright?"

I turned my eyes to Sammy and her new boyfriend Cal, I nodded, "Tired," I announced, I leaned forward and took a bite of my food as my mom and Marcus shared a look. "How is the girl?" my mom asked, I groaned, "I would rather not talk about her."

"What happened?" Sammy asked, shocked, "You said you had a great date Saturday,"

"We did."

"Then?"

"It's actually something she did that I asked her not to do."

"Oh." My mom said, Cal gave Sammy a questioning look and I backed up my chair, "I need to go,"

"Troy," Marcus stood up and he followed me into the kitchen, "Hey, what happened?"

"I asked her to make sure that Collin's counts were high enough for him to be in a hotel and in a pool. I got his counts back Thursday morning and they were borderline so I call her – she doesn't answer. I called her again a few hours later. Nothing, She is ignoring my calls because she knows that if she picks up I am going to ask her to take him out of there."

"Well…maybe it is nothing against you. You are going to have to separate work and your relationship with her."

"How in the hell are we going to do that?"

"Maybe this is what she was talking about in the beginning when you wouldn't just let her go until this was over for her." I shot him a look and he shrugged his shoulders, "I am just saying. She would probably do this to anybody, not just you. Maybe she needs sometime with her son. How is he?"

"I mean, this is the best that I have seen him since well…ever."

"She knows her son." Marcus advised, "Just…let her tell you. Isn't that how it started? She knows when her son is in danger."

I sighed, "Fine,"

"Let it go Troy, you'll see her next week,"

* * *

 _Sunday, November 16_ _th_ _, 2014_

Curling up closer to Collin, I pressed my lips to his hair, as the past several days had been bliss. He was having fun and running around and being a kid again. He was eating very little still but I wasn't concerned. I gave him the nighttime stuff and then we moved on with our day.

Pushing off the bed, I walked over to the window to look out at the snow-covered Denver. A knock came at the door and then a piece of paper slipped underneath the door. I went to retrieve the bill and I ignored the amount in the corner. I settled it next to me and I began to pack up our things slowly as we did need to head home. Sam and Ryan were back after the scary infection and we needed to get Collin ready for chemo. We only had a week from Wednesday until we were admitted and started.

I began to pack away the things that we brought and Collin began to stir on the bed. "I don't want to leave,"

"I know sweetie," I finished packing the last of our small load and I sat down next to him, "Tomorrow we have to go to clinics,"

"No,"

"Dr. Bolton should be there," I said rubbing his back, "And then we can maybe watch all sorts of movies and drink Hot Cocoa," Collin smiled and I took that as a yes, I packed up the rest of our stuff, had Collin change and brush his teeth as I went to the front desk to pay. Collin was itching his port, "Co," I warned, he sighed, "I hate it mommy,"

"I hate it too," the person took my card and I signed papers, I then tucked my card away as I picked up Collin and our duffel bag. Taking him to the car, I waved to Kale and Mariah who were leaving. "Have fun dealing with Dr. Bolton," I rolled my eyes, "That should be a piece of cake," Mariah laughed, I put Collin into the car and I buckled him in tightly. I kissed his forehead and I then started the car. Driving back to our apartment, I stopped to see if Collin wanted anything but he declined.

Pulling into the apartment, I got him out and we walked upstairs with each other. He ran through the door and Sam was sitting on the couch with Grant, Collin giggled and ran over to wrap his arms around her. "Well hello Collin,"

"Hi Ms. Sam,"

"Did you have fun?"

"Yes!"

"Good, Gabi how was it?"

"Good! Collin had a fantastic time; we had a lot of laughs and a lot of smiles. It was a much needed time."

"Well…there are a couple of voice mails on the machine from the hospital looking for you,"

"I know,"

"Gabi, you can't just ignore them,"

"He is fine. Look at him,"

"One catch of a bacteria disease and his counts are low?"

"They weren't low. If it were that way then they would have called countless times to get me to come back. Maybe borderline but they didn't seem too concerned or they would still be calling me."

"Leave her alone," Grant said, "She just said she had a great weekend,"

"And next weekend when her kid is in the hospital,"

"I know my kid Sam! I shouldn't have to fight everybody on this, I know when his counts are low but he has energy, he has life, he has things he hasn't had since pre-cancer."

Sam sighed, "Fine,"

"Momma! Ryan is home!" I smiled and nodded as I went to put my things down. I lay down on my bed, face down, I was exhausted because I knew I needed a break. "Momma,"

I opened my eyes and I looked at Collin, "What buddy?"

"Can I go outside to play?"

"No, there is a lot of snow on the ground and it is too cold." He pouted and went storming off. Toddlers.

I got off the bed and I sighed going over to sit across from Sam, "I'm sorry. I'm tired, and I am so joyed to see Collin doing so well." Sam got up and she wrapped her arms around me. "It's okay, we have all been there. I just…" she pulled away, "This isn't fair! You are dating him and can pull this shit!"

"Oh no, he isn't going to be happy with me about this."

"Yea but you bat those brown eyes and he is going to melt into a puddle and forgive you." I laughed and Grant smirked, "Dating the doctor?" I smirked and shrugged, "I don't know, something sparked between us. We have been on two dates and have talked well into the night."

Grant smirked, "Good, you deserve it."

"Why thank you,"

* * *

 _Monday, November 17_ _th_ _, 2014_

Collin lay back against the table and he squirmed before getting up and moving to another spot, he was restless while we waited in clinics. The door finally opened and I smiled only to find his Nurse Practitioner, Bridget.

"Hi Bridget!" Collin said with a big smile, "Hi Mr. Collin," she glanced over towards me, "Where is Dr. Bolton?"

She smiled, "He took the day off to spend time with his family and to get a little rest. He had a long weekend here and you and another patient were his only appointments today. I told him I could take care of him." I just nodded my head gently and went through the motions. She mentioned my not picking up the cell phone when they called about his lab reports and that to make sure I do this time but I ignored it all.

Collin told Bridget all about his fun weekend and she kept giving me looks, the constant look of being a bad parent. Once Bridget was done, I collected Collin, made our appointment for next Monday and hurried him out of the door. I then picked up my cell phone and I called Troy.

I missed his voice.

I haven't seen him since our last date.

The phone went to voice mail and I sighed, "Hey Troy, it's Gabi," I buckled Collin into the backseat, I then shut the door, "I guess not seeing you at clinic today sucked, I was looking forward to seeing you. Call me tonight?"

I then hung up the phone, I slid into the car and I rested my head back against the car headrest. "Mom, can we go?"

"Yes, yes," I answered, I began to back out but not without seeing Troy Bolton's car sitting in the corner of the parking lot.

* * *

I stirred the mac and cheese while reading something on my Facebook post, "Mom! Look!" I turned around and my eyes went twice the size. "Oh my god, Collin," I dropped the spoon and I took the scissors out of his hands. He had cut his central line. Oh my god.

I went running around trying to find the kit and he started to cry at my franticness. Once I found it, I made him sit down when the door opened. "What is burning?" I was focused on giving the proper care to Collin. My brain reading the instructions ten times over to make sure I do everything correctly.

"Holy hell. Gabi," I turned to look up at Sam and I tried harder to fix it faster, "Gabi slow down, you have to make sure you do it correctly,"

"I'm trying, I'm trying," Collin started to cry harder and Sam helped me after she washed her hands. We both got the job done faster together, "How did this happen?"

"I don't know, I was cooking myself some dinner and then he comes running over, I think he was proud of himself for finally cutting it off. He hated it so much," I wiped away tears, "Call the floor, they are going to need this ASAP,"

I nodded as I picked up my cell phone, "Hello?"

"Hi, I uhm," I breathed and I went on to continue to tell them what happened, they told me to come to the floor so they could check it out so that it didn't get infected or anything. "Why wasn't there a bandage?"

"He just got out of the bath and we were changing everything, I was starting to put it on when my phone went off and the timers went off." She nodded, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"I'll be fine." I picked up a backpack and I scooped Collin up as I put on his shirt. He was settling down and I quickly escaped to the car. The drive to the hospital was quick and when I pulled up, I asked for the awaiting nurse and doctor who would treat Collin in the ER.

I settled with him on my lap, "Gabi," I glanced up to see Bridget and she was frowning, I frowned in response because I knew Troy Bolton was here today and that made me angry because she lied for him. I got up and I followed her back to a room, "How did this happen?" she asked, I went on to tell the story and then the door opened to reveal a doctor, "Bridget what is,"

His eyes met with mine and he frowned even deeper than either of us. "Bridget, I can handle this on my own." Bridget looked between us and nodded as she left the room. "What happened?" he asked quietly, I retold the story and he turned around to look at me, "Why was he around scissors Gabi? He is three!"

"Yea well I am not the super mom Troy, I have to actually do other things and he is resourceful, you know how much he hates that thing." He chewed on his lip as he looked at me, "Why the hell were you ignoring me?"

"Bad word," Collin muttered, "I wasn't ignoring you. I was ignoring the hospital. I knew how my son was doing,"

"You don't know that! His counts were borderline!"

"And they are fine now," I answered back, "He is fine besides that he cut his CL." Troy rubbed his face as he turned back to look at Collin, "He is going to have it fully replaced." He said, his voice calming down, "Why did you have Bridget come down and do our appointment when you were here? I saw your car and she said that you were at a family event."

"Because, I couldn't do it without getting angry at you like I am doing right now."

"Can you tell me why you are angry with me?"

"Because you don't just ignore the hospital and because you don't let your child run around with scissors,"

"It wasn't mommy's fault," Troy turned towards Collin, "I don't like it." His fingers went up to grab it, "I know buddy but you can't do this, you are going to have to have a surgery to fix it." Collin started to cry and I got up to comfort him, "When?" I asked, "Tonight," he answered, he picked up his chart and walked out of the room, I rubbed the bridge of my nose and let out a long deep breath. Fan fucking tastic.

* * *

I leaned my head back when I heard a cluster move next to me. Collin was getting a new CL put into place and I was ready to just go home. "I'm sorry," I opened my eyes and turned to see Troy sitting next to me. "I'm sorry too,"

He turned to look over at me, "I know you are a busy mother and I am just frustrated because I don't want Collin in the hospitals, no, you are right. His counts aren't low and my brother told me to just trust you because you know him,"

"I do," I answered, "I honestly do and when I look at him I know," he squeezed the back of his neck, "I know how this works. If his counts were terrible, the hospital would have called every thirty minutes until I finally picked up." Troy laughed, "That's true,"

"I get it,"

Troy reached over and he pulled me in to him, the first sign of affection that he has shown to me in the hospital. Granted, the waiting room was completely dead. The nurse's station was even empty. His lips pressed into my temple and he breathed. "I have missed you."

"I missed you too. I was really looking forward to seeing you." He smiled and let go as somebody came into the room, "Scissors,"

I started to laugh and I couldn't stop because this was my life. Troy looked over at me and started to laugh as well, "I'm sorry, this is completely inappropriate," he shook his head, "Nothing about this is inappropriate," he said, "You have to find a way to laugh some how,"

"I'm sorry that I ignored the hospital calls,"

"Just don't do it again okay?"

I smiled softly and Troy picked up my hand, "When I was having dinner with my parents, Marcus told me that I need to learn how to separate myself from Collin's case and you and it is going to take a lot of work because I see it from a doctors point of view and you see if from a mothers point of view. I want to be with you but I also need to make sure we are doing things just right for Collin."

I leaned into him slightly, "I understand Troy, and I just think Collin needed a break from this world and jump into a normal kid world for a little bit. This has all been too much recently."

"I get it."

"Thank you for not being completely pissed at me."

He stood up, taking all of his touch away causing me to miss him already. My eyes lifted to his and he smiled, "So…are you busy Wednesday night?" I arched my eyebrow up to him and he shrugged his shoulders, "I have the day off. I figured maybe I could take you out to dinner," my eyes lifted beyond his shoulder to see a woman frantic to get her child help, "Troy," I pointed and he turned around, "Shit," he went into doctor mode and I watched him as he took the lifeless child and the mother was screaming.

The screams shook the hospital room and all I could do was thank god that it wasn't me.

The risks we take and that could be one of them, risking our children's lives to do something else. Troy and I were risking so much with kissing and the touching but it made me have that adrenaline rush again. It made me feel like I was living again.

And I couldn't give that up.

* * *

 **Happy Sunday! Sorry for the lack of an update last weekend! I had a hip surgery and it basically took me out for the week. Also sorry this took so long to update! I have just been busy catching up with school and also playing with my precious nephew. Thanks for all of the love!**

 **You guys rock!**

 **Please Review!**


	13. Thanksgiving Chemo

Chapter 13 – Thanksgiving Chemo

" _Love is friendship that has caught fire."_

I have never fallen in love.

Besides Collin I don't know what true love is. I haven't gotten the chance to live it; I haven't gotten the chance to know what it feels like to love a man. With Collin's dad we were pretty much sex buddies. We went on some dates but nothing that was spectacular; I wouldn't call it love in the slightest look.

Troy Bolton though made me feel…tingly and happy. Just the sheer presence of him made me excited and I wanted to get away from the only other male I loved to be with him. It was new, it was exciting and maybe this was love or the beginning stages of love.

Collin and Troy laughed with each other and that made me even happier that one man that I romantically desired had fun with the little guy that I will protect no matter what. Collin was number one but I felt a push for a number two. I felt a push for Troy to enter my life and I just wanted it to happen. I wanted it too happen so badly but other things happen.

Things happen unexpectedly.

Punches are thrown.

People are yelling.

And you wonder why you made the choices that you made.

* * *

 _Monday, November 24_ _th_ _, 2014_

"Co, come on baby," he dragged his backpack behind him as we got into the elevators, "No,"

"I know buddy, I know,"

"I want to stay with Ryan and Sam,"

"They are going to Sam's mommy's house," I told him, the elevator shut and he looked at me, "Can we go to your mommy's house?" I swallowed on the lump in my throat, and I shook my head, "No, we can't. I'm sorry bud,"

"I don't want medicine!"

"I know, I know,"

When the elevators dinged, Bridget looked up at me with a smile, "Your room is ready,"

"Hi Ms. Bridget!"

"Hi Collin!" Collin gave her a big hug and she showed us to our room, with windows, and private. "Is Troy on the floor this morning?" I asked, I saw him Monday morning for clinics but it was a rushed visit. Our date the past Wednesday went flawless with a bit more kissing. "He is on call tonight so he went home to sleep for a little bit. I think he is staying at the hospital. He'll be here all day tomorrow and then Thursday he took off to be with his family,"

"Good for him, he is always up here." I unloaded our bags and Collin ran around, "Oh hey, I thought you weren't coming in till later?" I heard Bridget talking and then I heard Troy's muffled voice, "I knew Collin was starting tonight so I figured I would come up and access his port. You know how he is about that,"

"Uh huh,"

"Bridget,"

"I'm just saying Dr. B, you seem to always appear when those two show up."

"And?"

"And nothing,"

"Good," I smiled listening to the conversation, I then heard the door shut and I couldn't help but laugh as Collin darted out from behind the curtains. "Dr. Troy!"

"What's up big man?"

"Nothing! Mommy and I are ready!"

"I bet you are, did you know there are new games in the playroom?" I saw Collin's eyes get really wide and Troy opened the door for him to escape the room and run down the hallway like he owned the place. He was high with energy and I was not ready to see chemo destroy that. "Well, well, well," I laughed as his arms snaked around my waist, "Bridget is on to you,"

"Forget Bridget,"

"Isn't she your right hand man?"

"How did you know I am left handed?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked laughing, he turned me around and he smiled. His eyes were rested, as he must of slept most of the day. "How are you?"

"I'm good, and you?"

"Well…I wanted to go out on a date tomorrow night but I think the girl I want to go with is busy," I smiled, "Only because a certain doctor I know asked me to bring my kid in for a week to poison him,"

He cringed, "Ouch, you make me sound like the bad guy here," I rolled my eyes and he stole a quick fast kiss, "Troy, we made the hospital off limits,"

"You aren't protesting with my arms wrapped around your waist,"

I unhooked his hands as Collin came back into the room, "There isn't any new toys!" Troy laughed, "Busted." I said with a stifled laugh as I continued to unload the things we brought from home.

"Co, are you going to eat dinner?"

"No,"

"Fine then,"

I picked him up and put him on the bed, "Dr. Bolton, I want new games."

"Sorry man, I thought I saw a new one in there this morning."

"You lied."

"I did not! It was an honest mistake," the door opened again to reveal Bridget and all of the supplies to access his new Central Line. He was so upset that he had to get a brand new one and it meant a night in the hospital for us but we were released the next day. "Ms. Montez,"

I nodded towards Bridget as I relaxed in the chair as Troy put on gloves, "You do know this is what you pay me to do,"

"I pay you nothing. I am giving you a nice break, be nice to me." Troy said, I couldn't help but smirk, "I like when Dr. Troy does it,"

"See?" Troy said glancing over at Bridget, "We are going to run his labs again and then we will start later in the evening,"

"Dr. Bolton, can we speak out in the hallway after we are done?" Troy sent a side glance to Bridget and finished accessing his central line, "Yes," he answered and then once they got what they needed, he started the IV and he looked over at me, "I'll be back in a bit to start chemo," I nodded as my eyes drifted over to Collin who was now coloring and Troy followed Bridget out into the hallway.

* * *

Troy's POV

I snapped my gloves off as I followed Bridget out into the hallway, "A patients mother,"

"I am doing nothing wrong Bridget,"

"Really? That is right, you are treating her son."

"And we like each other." I countered, "There is nothing in the rule book about that. Is there?" Bridget frowned, she always had a thing for me as most nurse's do, and "Does Daniel know?"

"Yes, I told him before I took her out on a date."

She frowned, "Is this why you picked up every shift this week?"

"Yes," I replied as I went behind the desk to send the labs in and order his chemo, "Have you guys had sex?" I looked up at her appalled, "That is none of your business and if Daniel is okay with this then what does it even matter to you? He is the head of the damn hospital,"

"I just think it is inappropriate,"

"But you and I screwing isn't?"

Her face turned a dark color and I turned back to focus on what I was doing, I triple checked my work since I was distracted by her. When I was certain I had everything right, I got back up and did rounds on the patients that were up here when I saw Daniel coming downstairs, I groaned as he walked over to me. "Troy,"

"Yes?" my tone obviously annoyed with the prospect of him coming at me after confrontation with a nurse.

"Talking about screwing nurses on the floor,"

"Who ever called you didn't hear the whole conversation or the whole sentence. I was telling her how inappropriate it was."

"Doesn't matter! You have an office!"

"Daniel, I'm sorry, okay? Bridget is pissed that I am dating another girl."

He groaned, "Can you keep it all in your pants?"

"Daniel, goodness, inappropriate language," Daniel sent me a warning glare and I couldn't help but chuckle, "I think it is funny,"

"I don't."

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Is she here?" I nodded my head, "Yes, she is,"

"Can I meet her?" I peered over to there door to still see it shut, "Sure, c'mon, but her son doesn't know yet so you can't like…say anything."

"When will he know?"

"Soon."

I pushed open the door and Gabi was holding Collin on the bed while they watched some movie. I smiled gently as Gabi looked over at us, "Hello,"

"Gabi, this is Dr. Daniel, aka, a big wig boss." Daniel laughed, "I am just his boss, no big deal." Daniel went over to shake Gabi's hand and Collin looked at us, "Dr. Troy! Will you come watch the football games with me on Thanksgiving?" I smiled down at him, "I don't know big guy, I told my family that I will be with them because it is a special day," Collin frowned, "Oh,"

"How did you get so lucky to be in here on Thanksgiving?" Gabi laughed, musical, so musical. "I actually asked for it. It should be fairly quiet around here and we don't have a lot of family. This way we are with nurses and with people on a special day."

"Well I'll be, this is a different one Bolton!" I felt my cheeks flush and Gabi gave me a look, I shrugged my shoulders and my eyes went back to Collin who was watching the TV. "It was nice to meet you Gabriella," Gabi nodded and Daniel left the room as he patted my back, she turned her head and I held up a finger as I followed him out. "She is a beauty Bolton," I smiled, "Yea?"

"I can see why you have these nurses jealous, they can't compete with her. She is beautiful, she looks to be a fantastic mother,"

"She is," I agreed, "Keep her tight and you better come watch some football games with that young boy," I laughed, "I actually already planned on it, but it is a more surprise for them,"

"Good, did she really ask…?"

"Yes, she did. I was willing to push it back until Friday or even Thursday night but she insisted that they would be okay."

"Tough woman, really no family?"

I shook my head gently, "No, she doesn't. Once I found that out, I started to just pay a bit more attention. I wanted to make sure that she was going to be okay. This is a lot for somebody to be alone and by paying more attention to her I actually got to know her and well…I really like her."

"Good, now, get some damn work done."

* * *

 _Wednesday, November 26_ _th_ _, 2014_

Gabi's POV

Collin was leaned over a bucket as he had been puking…all day and all of yesterday.

I rubbed his back, as I was exhausted because this started about two hours after the chemo started and hadn't really stopped. We had tried a cocktail of drugs to try to slow it down but it was constantly coming back up. Pressing my lips gently to his forehead, Troy came back into the room.

"Is he still puking?"

Tears filled my eyes and I nodded gently, his eyes diverted to a clock and he sighed, he walked over and he rubbed Collin's back and his eyes looked up into mine. "Don't cry," he mouthed gently, I couldn't help it as Collin puked again. The energy that he had for the past couple of weeks was gone, he looked sick, feverish, and he just didn't look good. This wasn't the child I brought into the hospital, a nurse came in to clean him up and I sank down into the chair.

I was so tired.

"Allison, can you handle this for a minute? I am going to talk to Gabi for a minute about a course of treatment." Troy came over and he eased me up by my elbow and pulled me out of the room and into his office. I couldn't hold myself together as we had only been here forty-eight hours and I just needed a break. "Hey," he said gently, I didn't realize I was sitting on his couch until I was sitting on his couch. His fingers were holding my chin and he looked at me.

"Gabs, it's okay." He said, his voice so calm, I then realized I was sobbing. The tears were hot against my cheeks as it had been such a long forty-eight hours. "He is going to be okay," he said, the pad of his thumbs wiping away the tears that were running down my cheeks. "Have you slept?"

I shook my head, "Since when?"

I shrugged my shoulder because I didn't sleep Monday or Tuesday night or even Sunday night. I couldn't actually remember the last time I slept because I have been so worried about Collin. Sunday night I was scared this was going to happen and then Monday and Tuesday he was puking his guts out. I was so exhausted. He wrapped his arms around him and he pressed his lips to my temple when he slid a key into my hand. I looked up at him and he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "Go to my big empty house that has a big bed, go get some rest in my quiet house."

"But Co,"

"I am going to stay with him tonight. I won't leave his room because I am not on call tonight. I am just going to be with him. I'll take care of him." His blue eyes held mine gently as I knew that he would take care of him. He would take care of Collin while I got some sleep.

"Troy,"

"No, you need some rest. You are exhausted, I should have seen this yesterday." I shook my head and I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his neck. "It's okay," he breathed into my ear, he rubbed my back gently as I wanted to stay this way all night. I didn't want to leave his grasp because he made me feel okay, "Collin is really sick right now and I need to tinker with his medication and see if I can find something to relieve him of this,"

"Please, I can't keep watching him go through this." He nodded and he reached forward to kiss me gently. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against him. "Thank you," he eased me into his lap as we sat there for a couple of minutes and I then got up, "I need to go check on Collin,"

"Are you going to stay at my house?" I turned to look at him, "I don't know, I can just go back to my apartment." I said quietly, he smiled, "Ryan and Sam are there. I think you could use some serious quiet time and some serious sleep."

"It's that weird to be in your house without you? I could steal."

"Steal what?" he asked with a laugh, "I have a flat screen TV, a coffee maker, a coffee cup, a couple of sofas, and a bed. There isn't much to take but I know where you live," I smiled, "Are you sure?" he took a piece of paper and wrote down his address. "I'm also not that far from the hospital. A little less than two miles outside of the city and that means if something happens, which it won't. You are right here."

I took the piece of paper and he tucked the key in my front pocket of my jeans. "It is a little dark and quiet but I don't think you'll be awake long enough to realize that." I smiled as I kissed him again, "Thank you," he nodded as I left the room with Troy trailing me, Collin was knocked out cold and I stroked his head. "What did you give him?"

"A little sedation just to calm him down and then a little bit of different medication. We'll see how it goes, okay? Go," he said gently, I turned back to look at him and his eyes drifted to Collin. "Can I walk you to your car or do you want me to stay with Collin?"

"Take that white coat off and come with me, look a little less like a doctor." Troy smiled as he shrugged off his jacket, "I'll be back in a minute," I nodded as I sat down next to Collin as I watched him sleep. My fingers brushed over his baldhead, the one place where he felt comfortable. Troy came back in with a smile, "Come on," I kissed Co's forehead and then continued with Troy down the hall. Once we were in the elevator, his fingers slipped through mine, the cancer ward really off limits between us.

When we got down to the parking lot, he had my keys in his hand some how and he directed me to my car. "Collin likes his blue blanket the best," I offered, "He hasn't eaten anything and even if he has, he has puked everything up. He might wake up from a nightmare and sometimes it is mild and he can be calmed easily but others he gets very upset and may only want me, Mariah had one of those last weekend but just call me."

"Gabi," I looked at Troy as he had me pressed against the car, "Collin will be okay, I am hoping that after these drugs then he will sleep through the night because he may just be as tired as his mom." I looked at him and he kissed my forehead, "Go," he urged, "Okay well in the mornings, Collin likes to watch Disney Channel and make sure he has his elephant or he will be cranky," Troy grinned at me and he shook his head.

"You love that boy,"

I nodded my head gently, "I do so don't screw it up,"

He kissed me as he picked me up by the waist and put me in my car, "Go, to my big empty house and sleep for many hours."

"What do you think people will think?"

"Of you at my house?"

"No, of you staying with Collin,"

"Who cares?"

He kissed me again and then he shut the car door before running off, I turned my car on and rolled down the window, "He also really likes milk when he wakes up,"

Troy turned around with a laugh, "Leave!"

I smiled as I put the car into reverse as I looked at the address on the piece of paper that I pulled from my pocket. I glanced at the address and plugged it into my phone as I let it direct me into a good neighborhood that I had many clients come from and when I pulled up to the blue, shocker, house it was modest yet big for one man. It looked like a house a man had bought with somebody and wanted a future with but was all alone in his big blue house.

Parking in the driveway, I felt my eyelids grow heavy and I walked up to the door and when I turned my key that Troy handed me inside, I opened it to the blackness. I turned on a light and examined the lifeless walls, the living room just like he said – sofas, TV and in the kitchen was the basic needs.

I wondered up the stairs and to my right was an empty room with some boxes, a name written across in handing writing that belonged only to a doctor. I then passed a bathroom, another spare room, until in the last corner was Dr. Bolton's room. Flipping on the light there was a California king sitting in the middle, too big for a man to sleep by himself. A bathroom was off to the right that was a decent size. Two pairs of scrubs were on the floor, both blue, and his toothbrush scattered on the counter, the toilet seat up, male.

I went into his closet because I didn't feel like sleeping in puke clothes. I pulled down a t-shirt that was a dress on me as I slipped off my yoga pants and t-shirt. I then put on Troy's shirt and I inhaled as this wasn't the thought of sharing clothes for the first time but this was amazing. I then found a pair of his shorts and pulled them on as I took the covers back and shut off the lights.

Falling into Troy's bed, I felt like I floated onto a feather. This was a lot better than my bed. This was a lot better than most beds.

* * *

Troy's POV

I pulled a blanket up around my waist and I started to fall asleep when the doors slid open, a nurse, walked through. "He's fine," I hissed, God, no wonder parents didn't sleep, Jaden was startled by my voice, "Dr. Bolton? What are you doing in here?"

I grunted as I got up and I went back out into the hallway, the lights were a lot brighter. I squinted as I looked at her, "His mother was sleep deprived, I offered to stay with Collin because she has nobody else. I also needed to stay because he has been puking all day and he finally fell asleep and he is fine. I swear by it, I am the doctor, I am ordering you to not come into this room until morning rounds, understood?"

Jaden nodded her head, "I just…I didn't know you did that." I blew a sigh out of my mouth, "His mom is my girlfriend okay?" Jaden's eyes went wide, "I am not telling everybody. I just…" I rubbed my forehead as this was complicated, "Collin doesn't know yet and we don't need a nurse telling him okay? So keep it on the down low, I just want to be there for Gabi. She needed sleep."

Jaden smiled, "I think it's cute, did you know?"

"No," I answered, "But the five months together or whatever has been enough to prove that I want to know her more, so, please?"

"You got it Dr. B," I nodded as I went back into the room, Collin stirred and he looked at me, "Where is mommy?" I smiled as I leaned against his bed, "She is out sleeping, okay?" he nodded, "Are you leaving?"

"Nope, I promised mommy that I would be here for you. Okay?" he nodded his head again and I sat back down in my chair, "Will you scoot it closer like mommy?" I scooted the chair closer to his bed and I kicked back, "Better?"

"Yes!"

"Good, good,"

We both started to fall asleep again when a machine started to go off, I groaned as I got up to see what it was and it was some machine in the corner. I didn't even know what it did; I pressed a couple of buttons when Jaden came in, "What the hell is this?" I asked, she laughed, "Just a useless machine that does heart rate stuff, we sometimes put it on Collin to keep track of his heart rate better. I don't know I don't use it. The hospital thinks it's cool,"

"It's annoying."

Jaden laughed and she took it out of the room, "This is why we don't tell doctors much of this stuff."

"Is there anything else I need to beware that will start making noises?"

"You never know."

I smiled as I sat back down and got comfortable and I was almost asleep again when Collin started puking. Jesus Christ.

* * *

 _Thursday, November 27_ _th_ _, 2014_

Gabi's POV

I slept like a rock for thirteen hours.

I then lay in his super comfy bed for another hour.

After I rolled out, I took a super long shower in his huge shower that could fit six of me. I then dressed in most of yesterday's clothes and then a clean sweatshirt from Troy's closet. A Kansas one that I figured wouldn't look too suspicious. I put on my shoes and I cleaned up around the house as I went downstairs and I decided I would stop and get Troy breakfast for doing what he did.

I felt refreshed and nothing could make that better. I was clean and I had gotten some sleep. Getting into my car, I backed out of the driveway; I went to Starbucks as I ordered Troy and I both a coffee. I then bought Troy an egg sandwich that he got one morning and I got a bagel. Once I was done there, I headed to the hospital.

Pulling in minutes later, I got out and headed up to the elevators. I checked in through security and I got off on the floor. Jaden was packing up her stuff and she sent me a smile, "Uh…" she smiled, I looked at her and I followed her into their room. I couldn't help but smile as Troy somehow ended up on the hospital bed with Collin curled up next to him. "I came in for four am rounds and they were like this."

"How adorable,"

"He told me," I turned to look at her and I nodded, "I don't figure he was going to hide it that much."

"I think it's cute,"

I smiled and Jaden walked out, I smiled as I went over to touch Troy's shoulder gently. He grunted and turned closer to Collin, "We're fine," I laughed, "Troy, you can go home and get some of your own rest." He opened his eyes at my voice and he turned onto his back, he narrowed his eyes as he took in me. "Is this mine?" his fingers looped underneath the bottom of the crew neck and I felt a rush of heat run up my neck.

"Maybe…" he smiled, "I strongly understand why most of the mothers that I interact with are crazy. You guys get no sleep." I laughed shaking my head, "No, we don't."

"Between the beeping, the crying down the hall, the every other hour checks, good god," I laughed as my fingers brushed his hair out of his face, "Thank you for understanding my lack of sleep,"

"He only puked twice last night."

"Did you change some stuff?" Troy nodded his head as he sat up and he rubbed his neck, I reached up and I grabbed his neck as I gently rubbed the back of his neck. "Thank you so much, I brought you coffee?"

He slid off the bed as he stood up; he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Did you get some sleep?" he asked, I nodded my head, "You are right, you're house is big and how come you didn't mention…blue?" Troy couldn't help but burst out into laughter, "It is a lonely house by the way, and the walls are so bare."

He smiled, "Maybe one day somebody will decorate it for me,"

"Mmm…not I unless I am spending your money." Troy laughed and he squeezed my hand, "You look hot in my sweatshirt by the way, I really kind of like it."

"Your shower is bigger than my bathroom,"

He smiled and then he went to get up, "Happy Thanksgiving," he whispered as he passed by me, "Oh more like Happy Football Thursday,"

Troy looked over at a sleepy Collin, "I do have more respect and we might have to do this more often."

"One day at a time,"

He nodded, "I'll talk to you later today. I have the whole day off,"

"Good, enjoy it. Be with your family."

He nodded but as he left, he snuck a quick kiss as his fingers pulled on the crewneck. "I may just let you keep this because I know for damn sure it looks better on you." My knees grew weak from his words and he quickly escaped the room before I could beg for more. I crawled up onto the bed with Collin, as I was definitely refreshed as I snuggled into him. He opened his eyes, "Momma, you're back."

"Yea, did you have fun with Dr. Bolton?"

"Yea," he said as he yawned, "He took really good care of me and he acted like Mr. K does to Kale. Is that what I would call a Daddy?" I looked at him surprised and I really wondered what Troy did last night. "Uh…I don't know buddy,"

He pressed his head against me, "I don't feel good mommy," he started to cry and I felt my heart shatter. I wrapped my arms around his mid-section and he pressed his face into my chest. "I know baby, I know,"

* * *

Troy's POV

I yawned as I put potatoes in my mouth and continued to eat, I was in a food coma at this point and I just kept shoveling food into my mouth. "Troy, you seem tired or is it all of the food?" I swallowed hard and I looked at my dad. "Both," I replied, "You didn't work last night," Marcus said, I glanced over at him, "Yea well…"

"Well?"

"I stayed the night at the hospital." I answered as many looks came my way, "But you weren't working?" I shook my head as Marcus's new girlfriend was giving us strange looks. Sammy looked at us and I sighed, "I let Gabi stay at my house last night so she could sleep and I promised that I would take care of Collin for the evening,"

Marcus smirked, "You stayed with him last night?"

"Oh my god," Sammy smirked, "Troy, you saint," I rolled my eyes, "If any of you would have seen her then you would have done the same. She was crying and I don't think she knew she was crying. Collin has been having it rough lately,"

"Can we please talk about something else?" a lot of eyes shifted to my mom but I scraped my plate and avoided any eye contact with her. The conversation continued about something else while I finished eating my food. I cleared my plate and started to clean up the area. My mom came in, "I'm sorry," I said, she shook her head, "Are you going to take her a plate tonight?" I smiled and nodded, "Collin asked me to come watch the football game with him."

"Good, sounds like you are lifting his spirits a bit."

"We don't have to talk about this mom."

"Troy, I haven't seen you this happy in a while. She has an effect on you,"

"You should have seen her yesterday, she broke me yesterday. She was so tired and Collin was so sick, I finally just gave her a key to my house and begged her to go stay there. She slept for a long time and came back looking and feeling better,"

"Will he want a plate?"

"Uh no, well, not a very big one. He does more eating from a feeding tube than anything, he doesn't have much of an appetite and in the middle of chemo," she nodded not looking at me and I bit on my lip, "You aren't upset that I am leaving?"

"No,"

"Mom,"

"I am going to be fine."

I went behind and hugged her and kissed the top of her hair, "I know, you hate it."

"I just don't want to talk about it,"

"Can I talk about her for a minute?" my mom smiled, "Talk all about her,"

"She is beautiful, I mean, I have seen her in many different states and she is just…beautiful. She laughs at the dumbest things but her laugh is music. Her eyes are just so deep and God, I can't wait for you to meet her. I think she is almost ready for her son to know,"

"Maybe after that?"

"Maybe,"

She handed me one big plate and then a smaller one, then she slid a pumpkin pie across the top. "Mom,"

"You are the only one who likes it." I smiled and she reached up to squeeze my shoulder. "She must be lovely to be as strong as she is," I smiled and my mom walked away, I bid a farewell and the family protested but I shrugged as I had been counting down until I could escape to go see Gabi. I stuffed the food into my car as I pulled away from my house just outside of Denver.

The drive to the hospital was an easy one and one that I had done a million times before. I drove up the hill and back down before I pulled into the hospital parking lot. I drove over to the staff parking lot and got out carrying the plates of food. I moved to the elevator as a fellow doctor got one, "Bolton, who are you bring food too? Trying to get in good with a nurse?" I smiled and shook my head, "Nope,"

"Is there somebody special here?"

I shrugged with another smile as the elevator came to the ground floor and I waved to the man before getting onto my next elevator. I went up to the Oncology ward and a few nurses looked up, most of them were annoyed to be working on a holiday but I smiled as I drifted past them, questioning looks coming my direction, I moved to Collin's room when I heard the football game on from here. I pushed open the door with my hip as Gabi quickly turned in my direction, as she was beautiful as ever.

"Troy,"

I smiled and held up plates, "I was demanded to bring you food."

She smiled and Collin looked pretty out of it but he was still watching the game. I put the plates down and I went over to Collin, "Hey buddy," he tilted his head back to look at me as I knew this chemo hit him rough. "How are you feeling big guy?"

He shrugged his shoulders and I turned to look at Gabi who shook her head, "No puking but I believe the new drugs you gave him just…dried him up completely. He is just sluggish and tired."

"Lose-lose situation," Collin turned onto his side and looked up at the TV, I smiled as I eased Gabi into my arms but she pulled back gently, "Troy," she warned, I smiled as I dipped to kiss her but she avoided me. I pouted, "What?"

"Hospital," I frowned, "Who came up with that rule?"

"You." She said back, "But I agree. You are his doctor and you actually have to work." I sighed because she was right…about all of it. I backed up and I looked at the score of the game to see it was close but Collin was too zonked out on medication to really even notice. I wasn't happy with what was going on but this is what needed to happen to make the puking stop…and it had but it had come at a cost. My mind spun with other alternatives to the situation but sadly, there wasn't another?

"Eat," I said turning around to face Gabi, "You deserve a good Thanksgiving meal,"

"Just for you bring me some good ol' home cooked food I will grant you a kiss." A devil smirk crossed my features as I looked at her, "A kiss huh?" I stumbled towards her as my arms slipped around her waist and she laughed herself as I kissed her gently on the lips, I pulled away for her eyes to be closed but her features were begging for more. She finally opened her eyes and let out a breath, "That was not a typical Troy Bolton kiss."

"That was a Dr. Bolton kiss," I then let go of her body and moved away from her as I settled in next to Collin while she ate the plate of food that I had brought with me. "Troy, why did you bring a whole pie?" she asked after a while, I turned to face her, "I am the only one in my family that likes pumpkin pie." I replied, "So my mom sent it with me for us to share and if you don't want any I will give it to the nurses."

"I so happen to love pumpkin pie but I will only want a single, small, slice so I think you should also give it to the nurses." I smiled with a nod as I turned to see Collin awake, "Dr. Troy,"

"What's up buddy?"

"I'm sleepy,"

"I know big guy, I know,"

"Where is mommy?" he sat up panicked but Gabi got up and came over to put her hand on him, reassuring that everything was going to be okay. Collin relaxed back into the pillow and I let out a long breath. Collin watched the game for a couple of minutes and then he was fast asleep again. "What are you thinking about him and our relationship?" Gabi looked up from her meal and she shrugged, "Maybe you can come over to the apartment one night and play with him. Be in his ground and let him be in control of what is going on."

"Do you think he is going to take it badly?"

She shrugged her shoulder, "I have no idea. I don't think he will but it could freak him out."

"I want him to know so I can do this," I bent over and I pressed my lips to her forehead, she shoved me gently with a laugh, "Troy, you are being insane." I smiled at her and I tapped her nose. "If it goes well from there then we can start doing things in your massive house that seems so lonely."

"I might have to actually start going home."

A smile lifted to Gabi's face and I loved seeing that smile on her face, I absolutely loved it. She peeked over her shoulder to see the door was shut with the curtain pulled and she then pulled me to her to kiss me. I laughed against her lips, "I thought we were at the hospital?"

"Pipe it Bolton,"

I smiled as I kissed her again and then settled in to watch the remainder of the game with Collin who was in and out of sleep for the rest of the evening…but he didn't puke again.

* * *

 _Friday, November 28_ _th_ _, 2014_

Gabi's POV

I smiled, as Troy was asleep on the cot in the corner of the room that Bridget brought in for him. He didn't want to leave last night and frankly, he kept me entertained and my thoughts off Collin. Collin was in a funk with the amount of medication swimming through his body. He was asleep for majority of the days but his puking had slowed down.

He was uncomfortable but things were going in the right direction…or so I hoped.

Troy shifted and then I saw his eyes flicker open, I loved that he came to watch a football game with Collin and that he brought me the first true Thanksgiving meal since I don't even remember. I couldn't be more grateful for him and I also couldn't wait for our relationship to be out in the open. Troy said Daniel was okay with it meaning we could make it public to the anybody whenever we were ready. I wasn't sure if Troy was comfortable with it or not but he had told a couple nurses.

"Gabs,"

"Hm?" I echoed back, his voice was sleepy and exhausted but it was also adorable. "Come," I smiled as I walked over to the small bed he was sleeping on and he sat up, he easily pulled me down into his lap and I smiled as he pressed his nose into my neck. "I actually have to work today," he whispered, I laughed, "Do you?"

"Mhm,"

"Then you better get to snapping,"

"I actually have to run home and change and shower. I don't come in till noon."

"Noon to midnight shift?"

He nodded his head again, "Sadly, it is probably my least favorite shift I work."

"You do seem to like your seven to seven,"

"It's more like seven to ten," I laughed because Troy had an issue getting out of the hospital on time anywhere. "Co did good last night," I said, I looked at him still sleeping in the small bed and Troy smiled, "I know, I love that he is doing well."

"Minus the fact that he is always sleeping,"

"Small fact."

I smiled and I kissed his cheek, "Okay, you need to go and become my son's doctor."

"Yes ma'am,"

I moved off of him and he went to the bathroom and once he was done, I gave my hand a gentle squeeze and went back out to the nurse's station and then back down to the floor. I smiled and went to sit down next to Collin. He woke up and I instantly knew something was wrong. His eyes almost seemed yellow to me, I reached over and I touched his forehead, "Momma, I don't feel good," he whimpered and his forehead was on fire.

My fingers reached out to press the nurses button when Ryan came in, "What's up Ms. Montez?"

"Collin's eyes are funny looking and his forehead is burning up," I moved off the bed and Ryan came over as he took his temperature, Ryan wrote something down and he quickly went back out to the nurses station, he came back in moments later with something to put into his thing, "What was it?"

"103.4"

My chest tightened because we had been in the hospital all of this time, what could actually have happened? He called somebody and then our room was filling with people, I squeezed out to give them room when I started to pace. A couple of doctors went in and then came back out, some of the nurses filed back out to leave one doctor and one nurse, I went in and my eyes scanned each of their faces as Collin was crying.

I ignored them and bent over to kiss his forehead, "Mommy is here," I breathed into his ear and he grabbed a hold on me and I knew he wasn't letting go any time soon. "Gabi, we are running his labs but there may be an infection brewing from his last surgery and the quick transfer to chemo."

"We waited ten days!"

"All of us would have done the same exact thing, Bolton did nothing wrong here, it was just fluke thing. We are going to add antibiotics into his cocktail of drugs and hopefully it will help but it could mean a couple extra nights. That fever needs to go down ASAP,"

"What about his eyes?"

"That is probably from the amount of vomiting that he has done in the past couple of days. We call it a subconjunctival hemorrhage, in which case, he puked and popped blood vessel in his eyes. It will go away on it's own in a couple of days. Unrelated to the fever."

I nodded my head, "Good, good,"

"I can only assume Bolton will be your first stop," I smiled sadly and nodded as they both left, Ryan came back to add more stuff to his pole and I sighed, I climbed onto the bed and Collin snuggled onto my chest. His fingers threaded through a shirt of mine and he pressed his face tightly into me. "I'm sorry Co,"

"I want to leave,"

"I know, me too." I rubbed his back as he started to fall asleep, his fingers still held tightly to me and I continued to do patterns across his back as I started to fall asleep myself.

* * *

"What happened!" My eyes flew open and Troy cringed, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were sleeping." I shook my head as I had been sleeping for over three hours now. "No, it's fine." Troy walked over and he looked at me, "Is everything okay?"

"He has a fever,"

"Gabi, I didn't think,"

"Troy, they told me they would do that same. Stop," I muttered, he let out a breath, and "It was a freak accident, that is it." I bit down on my lip and Troy smiled easily, "What was his last temperature?" I shrugged my shoulder, "I have no idea. I was sleeping." Troy flipped through the chart and he nodded, "It is coming down. That is good." I nodded my head as I snuggled back in with Collin. Collin was still pressed against my chest and I looked up at Troy.

"This is kind of my favorite thing in the world."

Troy smiled, "Loving him is easy," I nodded with a smile, "It very much is," I kissed the top of his head gently while I rubbed his back as I felt my eyes grow heavier again, Troy must have noticed because he squeezed my hand gently and walked out of the room.

* * *

Troy's POV

I charted in my pager went off in my pocket. I looked at it and reached across the counter to grab a phone. "Bolton," I answered, "Dr. Lyon would like to speak to you in his office later." I glanced at the clock on the wall, "I can do it now?"

"Good. He'll come up to your office."

I nodded and thanked them as I hung up the phone, Lyon appeared moments later and I saw the grim look on his face. "What's up?" he slid scans across to me and I cringed, "Jesus," I muttered, "Not what I wanted to hear from your mouth." I shrugged my shoulders, "This is terminal. This is way too advanced and I don't even need the extra scans."

"Will your order them anyways?"

"Of course. This is just my first opinion of these scans and if that is my first opinion, my last opinion isn't very good either." Lyon sighed, "This mother…she loves her kid." My mind drifted to Gabi and her love for Collin, "I understand that," I said quietly, "I'll go talk to her after lunch?"

"I was hoping you could do it now."

My eyes flickered up to the clock and I nodded, "Sure," I put my stuff away and my eyes roamed over to Collin's room. I followed Lyon down the stairs and into his general floor that he ran. He knocked on the door and I followed him in, "Mrs. Grant and Mr. Grant, this is my colleague Troy Bolton," I smiled as I reached over to introduce myself. "I showed Dr. Bolton the scans of James and well…I will let him continue."

I settled on the stool, as this was my least favorite part. I sat here as I prepared to tell them what kind of doctor I was and I would get the looks and the screams of terror. "Mrs. and Mr. Grant, I am an oncologist and," I got no more out as Mrs. Grant gasped, her hands locking over his lips as she was reduced to tears almost instantly, Mr. Grant looked shocked as he looked at me, "What do you mean oncologist? Why would he need you?" I smiled sadly, "I wish I didn't have to be here but it appears to be a form of cancer."

"You don't know yet?"

I shook my head, "James will need a lot more further testing to be sure of anything and I don't want to say anything until I am 100% sure of what I am dealing with, okay? I know this is scary and the worst news you might ever hear," I bit my cheek, as I knew the worst news they would hear was that it was terminal cancer. I couldn't do much to save this boy and I wanted to do everything to save him. "I will run him through the battery of tests today and then tomorrow we will sit down and talk about it okay?"

Mrs. Grant wiped her cheeks, "Is he going to be okay?"

The tricky question when you knew that he wasn't going to be okay, "We'll just have to wait and see until the rest of the tests come back."

I got up and Lyon waited outside with a sigh, "How do you do it?"

"It will be worse later." I answered, "When I tell them there isn't much I can do." Lyon sighed, "I had a mom just like that a few months ago…" Lyon looked over at me, "How is that family?"

"He isn't terminal, not good, but not terminal, him and his mom are upstairs now and I may or may not be dating her."

Lyon laughed, "What the hell Bolton,"

I shrugged, "I don't know what happened, I wish I knew but I don't. She is just…she loves her more than that family loves their son. It is amazing to see the love she has for that child."

"Mom's are a funny thing,"

"I know man, I know,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

Collin could barely keep his eyes open as we were watching a movie with Sam and Ryan. They had come to visit and to hang out for the afternoon. "He is out," Sam said gently, my eyes drifted back over to Collin and I nodded my head, "Yea,"

"How has he been doing?"

"Struggling. Troy has him on all sorts of medications to help control the puking but it has him completely knocked out all of the time." Sam sighed, "I hate that. They can make them feel some what better but it also just gives him something else to deal with."

"It is sad," I said quietly, a knock came at the door and Troy appeared, "How is he doing?"

"He is doing okay," I rubbed my arms and he nodded his head, "Good," his eyes drifted to Sam and she smirked, "Give it up Bolton, I already know." Troy smiled as he reached over to touch my shoulders gently, his hands rubbing them in soft circles as I exhaled. "Pizza or Park's?"

I leaned back, "I thought you were working all night."

"I am." He answered, "Marcus is going to bring it up."

I smiled, "Whatever you want, do you have a small break?"

"An hour for dinner,"

"Good,"

He smiled back at me and looked over at Sam, "How is Ryan?"

"Good, we are getting somewhere, our bone marrow transplant is coming up."

"Mark taking care of you?"

"Always,"

"Good,"

Troy kissed the top of my head as he squeezed my shoulders gently, "You okay?" I nodded my head, "I am okay."

"Good, you seem better than Wednesday night,"

"When are you letting us out?"

"He has one more round tonight right?" I nodded, "Tomorrow afternoon?"

"Pinky promise that if you let me out tomorrow afternoon with my son then I will take you out on a date," Troy laughed, "Are you bribing me?"

"Maybe, will you take my bribe," he smirked, "Maybe,"

I pouted and Sam laughed across the room, "You two are pathetic,"

"What, I have a babysitter,"

"What are you going to do during transplant?"

"Die." I said looking at her, she smiled and Troy rubbed my shoulders again, "I'll be back in at seven, okay?"

"Okay,"

He left the room shortly after that as Sam gave me a big ass smile, "He likes you."

"I like him."

* * *

Troy laughed as he wiped mustard off his face as his eyes twinkled while looking at me. A smile burst onto his lips while I shook my head tossing my napkin down. Collin stirred on the bed and he looked up at us, "Dr. Troy,"

"Hey bud,"

"My tummy hurts,"

Troy frowned as he got up, he went over to Collin as he pulled on gloves and he pulled his shirt up gently, he sighed as he took his gloves off and threw them away, "If I push back your exit from the hospital by a couple of days what would that do?"

I frowned looking at him, "What is wrong?"

"His feeding tube is infected."

"Since when?" I got up out of the chair, "It has been looking red the past couple of days but it now is infected, I have had the nurses cleaning it a lot but it was gone. It was nothing you did, just an accident that we have to deal with. Tomorrow morning we will get him into an OR and then hopefully you can go home Sunday afternoon. Twenty-four hours,"

I groaned and Troy smiled as he looked at me, "I can stay with him tonight if you need a break."

"I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I am being paid to be here tonight."

"It's fine. You have to work tonight."

"Okay."

"Thanks though,"

He nodded as he walked away and I looked at Collin, his eyes filled with tears and I kissed his forehead, "It's okay baby,"

"Is there a milkshake?" I looked over my shoulder at the Parks bag and I grinned, "Of course!"

Troy went out to the nurse's station when a mother stopped him. She looked to have been crying for most of the day and Troy's face was in a tight line as she spoke to him. Her face was desperate for answers and I knew Troy didn't want to tell her something. Troy glanced around and he then pulled her to a little corner off to the side as he gently spoke to her. His eyes flickering with concern as he spoke and then she looked at Troy with the widest eyes. She broke down into heavy sobs and you could see the wind rush out of her body. Her husband came from behind to wrap her in his arms and he tried to comfort her but nothing would comfort her.

I could tell her that because nothing could comfort me when I was told my child had cancer. A small frown established itself over my lips when Troy looked towards our room, our eyes caught each other and he gave me a sad smile and a shrug of the shoulders before moving to another room to do rounds. My gut took a kick as I gripped the wall, "Mommy, a milkshake?" I nodded my head as I made my feet move towards the nurse's station.

The lady let out a painful scream to the point you knew her heart was breaking in half. Her body was tired and exhausted from the fight that she had given to get her son help. The words terminal were mumbled among the people watching and my body felt like it was slammed into a wall.

Terminal.

The word was taunting and scary because that mother didn't have a chance to save her son. She didn't have a chance to fix him and make him better. My heart broke a little for her as my eyes glanced over as her husband was helping her up from the ground but I remember that feeling. I just wanted to plant myself on the ground, I wanted to lay down and give up and just lay there. She buried her face into his chest and cried because it hurt.

It will always hurt.

You risk yourself to fall in love and when it is your own children the heartbreak is so much worse.

* * *

 **Happy Sunday!**

 **Hope you all enjoyed it!**

 **Please Review!**


	14. So Do You Like Kiss?

Chapter 14 – So like do you kiss?

' _A physician once said, "The best medicine for humans is love."_

 _Someone asked what happens "if it doesn't work?"_

 _He smiled and said, "Then increase the dose."_

Collin and I had battled the world since he was a day old. I had never had 'boy friends' around for him to get to know. I never had to introduce him to a boy that I actually liked.

I never had a male that I wanted to introduce him too.

Now I had one.

But…

Collin already knew him.

Just as his doctor though.

A conflict struck through me because I needed Troy to be his doctor but I also needed him to by my boyfriend. I want him to be my boyfriend that picks up my hand and kisses me with Collin in sight. I want him to be the boyfriend that kisses my cheek and becomes somebody to Collin.

Collin was going to understand…or I hoped so.

I just wanted everything to go smoothly but fears crossed through my mind on how I would work it. How would I introduce them in that way? Would he just show up to the apartment? Would we go to there place for dinner? Parks? It was December; I don't know how we could do this.

I just wanted it to happen.

Poof.

Troy was my boyfriend and Collin loved that he was my boyfriend.

That is all I wanted.

* * *

 _Monday, December 1_ _st_ _, 2014_

Collin sat up gingerly in our bed as I kissed his forehead, "How are you feeling buddy?"

"I'm tired,"

"I know, I'm sorry,"

"Momma?"

"Yea?"

"I love you," my heart burst, "I love you too buddy,"

I sat up, "Hey bud, mommy might have a visitor coming over soon. Do you want to do that tomorrow?" he shrugged his shoulders and I smiled, "He is very important to mommy,"

"Who is he?"

"Somebody special, I don't think today is a good idea but maybe tomorrow." I soothed, he smiled as he pressed his face into my shirt as I picked up my cell phone. I began to type out a text message.

 _G: How is work?_

 _T: Boring as hell now that you are gone_

 _G: Whatever._

 _T: What's up?_

 _G: Tomorrow night?_

 _T: Can I call you?_

My eyes looked over at Collin and I typed a text message back to Troy as I agreed. It rang moments later and I answered it before it could really even ring, "Hey," I breathed, "Hi, so tomorrow night?" I nodded my head, "Is that okay? Do you have to work?"

"No, tomorrow is perfect. I get off at noon."

"Good, you can get some sleep and come over around six."

"You want me to come over there?"

"I think we need to do this in his territory, let him be comfortable."

"He already knows me Gabi,"

"Still…this is…different."

"Okay, I am game. Do you want me to bring food over?"

"I am a mean chef Mister," Troy laughed, "Really?"

"I promise."

"Good, I will bring wine."

"Good,"

"Maybe a milkshake for Collin,"

"The only thing he eats,"

"I am excited Gabi,"

"I am excited too."

"Then we can start doing more together, I want to be with you."

I let a smile play on my lips, "I want to be with you too."

"I have to go, but have a good day with Collin,"

"I will, talk to you tonight?"

"It's a date,"

I smiled as I hung up the phone to look at Collin, he moved off the bed as he was doing a lot better since the other day. He gingerly got off the bed and I smiled sweetly at him, he went over to his pile of toys when I heard clutter from the room next to ours.

Getting out of bed, I walked over to the door and I opened it up to see Sam and Ryan playing on the floor. "Morning," she said, "Morning,"

"How was the first night back?"

"Good, Collin was a champ,"

"Good,"

"How was your date with Grant last night?"

"Fantastic," a sly smile spread over her face, "You spent most of it at his house huh?" she nodded with a laugh, "When is the last time Y'know?" Collin came touting out of the room as he started to play with Ryan, my cheeks turned red thinking about the last time, "God, I don't know, I was probably pregnant with Collin."

"No! It has not been that long." I nodded my head, "It honestly has been. Collin keeps me busy."

"You need to tell Bolton to fix that pronto,"

"Sam!" I hissed, "I am not ready for that yet, first, let me introduce my kid, okay?"

"When is that?"

"Tomorrow,"

"Here?"

"Please, do you mind?"

"Grant and I were already taking Ryan out to eat tomorrow night. You are clear."

"Thank you, thank you!"

"Who at the hospital knows?"

I sighed, "A couple of nurses and Troy's boss."

"Well that's good,"

"Yes, it is."

"What do you think will happen once Collin knows?" I shrugged, "I have no idea how he is going to take it, Y'know? To him T is his doctor, not his mom's boyfriend. I think he might confuse it with the fact that he is going to start getting medicine at home or it is going to be unsafe at home with T around. Y'know?"

"Well…I don't know but I do understand what you are saying. He sees him as a face you only see at the hospital or the doctor's office. Somebody he associates with the bad stuff." I nodded and let out a frustrated sigh, "Do you ever wonder why you attracted to him?"

"Have you seen him?" I questioned, Sam laughed, "Yea, he is nice looking but I didn't date him."

I frowned, "I don't know Sam, he was there for me when I needed somebody. He bonded with Collin so easily and I don't know, it just happened."

"Do you think if you passed each other in a coffee shop you would have looked at him twice?"

I looked at her, "Girl, I would have drooled,"

"Bad example, if he wasn't Collin's doctor would it be the same?"

I nodded, "Yes,"

"How so?"

"Well…I don't think our relationship is based on Collin and his cancer. I believe that our relationship is on the fact that he was there for me in a time of need; he let me lean on him when I needed it most. If he would have stopped to help Collin and then talked to me on a random street I believe it would have had the same outcome."

Sam smiled, "I think that too. He really does care for Collin more than a doctor should care for a patient."

"I just hope Collin understands,"

"I hope he understands because I want you to have him in your life and to Collin to have a male like that in his life. Y'know?"

I nodded my head and I breathed looking at the clock, "What are you guys doing today?"

"Laying around, you?"

I agreed, "Laying around."

* * *

 _Tuesday, December 2_ _nd_ _, 2014_

Troy's POV

"Sammy, what shirt do you think I should wear?" Sam flipped a magazine and she looked at me, "You have met him before,"

"I have to appear as not his doctor. Gabi is really concerned that he will fear me because of what goes down in the hospital," Sammy sighed, "That is a tough one, you need to appear soft," I scoffed, "I am never soft," Sammy rolled her eyes, "Wear a light color with a pair of jeans with some Sperry's or Vans."

I exhaled while I grabbed my navy t-shirt, "Can't I wear navy?"

"Light jeans then," I looked over at her, "Sammy, this is so important. Literally if I do not make a good first impression this way, this is so important to Gabi for this to go smoothly or we won't happen," Sammy looked up at me and she sighed, "Troy, I am assuming that everything will be okay. Collin may be a little freaked out for a minute but don't even mention anything about the hospital unless he asks you about it. Just appear to be a normal guy, he has done this before,"

"No," I answered, "he hasn't,"

Sammy came over as she picked a worn grey long sleeve shirt and a pair of dark washed jeans and she bent over to grab the brown boat shoes, "You should wear this, you appear normal and nothing about it appears to be associated with the hospital. The grey flannel will be warm so you won't need a jacket,"

I grinned, "You are my favorite sister,"

"I am your only sister,"

I kissed her cheek, "And you are my favorite,"

She rolled her eyes as she went back to her magazine and I went to my bathroom. I took a fast shower and changed into the clothes that Sammy thought would be a good choice. I brushed my teeth and combed through my hair until it was messy in the front.

When I came back out, Sammy looked up at me with her phone poised in her hand, "Marcus is going to love that I helped you."

"Marcus can bite me, I heard he broke up with his girl,"

"Too clingy,"

"Ouch,"

"And you?"

She shook her head, "We want different things,"

I sighed, "Mom is going to kill us."

"I know it,"

"I really like her." I told Sammy, she smiled over at me, and "She likes you too that is why we are all stressing over tonight."

"Even you?"

"I like her too," I smiled at Sammy, "I am glad. She needs a family. You need a family," Sammy said softly, my eyes connected with hers and she squeezed my hand.

"How bad is Collin?" I frowned as I looked at the ground, "I don't want to talk about it." I said quietly, "Maybe another day," Sammy sighed, "How bad does she think it is?"

"She knows it isn't good,"

Sammy patted my back, "Have fun tonight okay? You look good and she'll love you."

"She already likes me," Sammy grinned, "She'll love how you'll act with Collin," I smiled gently and I thanked her again, I then grabbed my keys and wallet as we had to go and find a bottle of wine. I promised I would bring some. I went out to my car and ventured over to the side as I thought about a peace offering with Collin. I thought about all of his favorite things in the hospital and this is when I had the upper hand.

I knew Collin already.

I smiled because I knew Collin already.

* * *

Gabi's POV

"Co, are you feeling okay?" he nodded as he was watching something on the TV. He was quiet today as he felt the pressure of a friend coming over. "Momma," I looked over at him, "Yea buddy?" he scratched his head and looked at me. "Will they think I look funny with no hair?" my heart melted for the kid as I walked away from the stove, "Oh bud, of course not." I smiled as I squeezed his knee gently.

"This person already knows that you are sick," I told him, "Okay? So you don't have to hide anything from him."

"Will he be like my daddy?"

I smiled faintly, "He doesn't have to be Collin,"

"I want a daddy,"

"I know you do buddy, but you don't have to do anything right now. This is still new to all of us."

"Will I like him?"

I nodded, "You'll love him Co,"

I kissed his forehead gently and I went back to cooking, my eyes glanced over at him again though because I hated how he thought people wouldn't like him because he didn't have hair anymore. I sighed as I finished stirring the sauce and drained the vegetables. I was cooking Collin's favorite meal but in all reality, he still wasn't eating. "Co, are you going to eat tonight?"

He shrugged as his eyes stared into the TV further. I smiled because he was having better days than the past hospital stay. A knock came at the door moments later as Troy was five minutes late and I think I enjoyed that. I enjoyed that he wasn't exactly on time, "Co, are you ready?" I wiped my hands off and he got off the couch as he walked to the door with me. I opened it and I was faced with Troy's face, a smile plastered to it.

"Dr. Troy!" Collin smiled and I felt my own smile shift, "Hey bud,"

"Are you coming to meet mommy's friend too?" Troy and I both shared a glance with a giggle, "Co, we need to talk about that," I let Troy enter as I shut the apartment door; he was holding a bag, a thing of flowers, and something else that I couldn't see.

"But first!" Troy said, he handed me the purple flowers and I felt my cheeks rush with heat, "Thank you," I murmured, I knew he wanted to draw me in to kiss me but he refrained as he then set a wine bottle down onto the counter. He bent over close to Collin and he held out a new car, that he didn't have, which shocked me. Collin gasped, "Mommy! Look!" I grinned, "Co, that is awesome. What do you say?"

"Thank you Dr. Troy!"

I smiled at them as Troy gave him a high-five, "Co, we need to talk really quick before dinner is done," he nodded his head and I took him over to the couch as I sat him in front of me. His big brown eyes gazed into mine as I smiled, "Troy, is our guest for the night." He scrunched his face up and then it crumpled, "No medicine," he whined, I quickly reached out as Troy spoke up, "No medicine," Troy stated, his eyes quickly bouncing to Collin.

He was leaning against the wall as he watched us; I turned my attention back to Collin. "Co, Troy is here as mommy's friend," he pinched his eyes together as he was nervous now, he wasn't sure what to believe and if nurses and poles were quickly going to appear.

Troy came over as he sat down next to me, his hand slid over my back and he rubbed a small circle as he leaned in closer to Collin. "Collin, when I am here, I am just Troy okay? I am not a doctor here; I am going to be a friend outside of the hospital. When we are at your house, I am just Troy." Collin's face started to relax, "No medicine and no booboo talk, just friends. We can play with your cars and maybe even the football I saw laying in the corner. I can come over and watch games with you and your mom,"

Collin completely relaxed now and smiled, "Mommy, will," he hesitated, as he wasn't sure if he should just say Troy or throw doctor in front of it. "Troy," he finished, "Come over a lot?"

"If you are okay with that," I said to him, "We might even go to his house sometimes but we will take it a step at a time," Collin flickered his eyes back and forth between the two of us, "Mommy,"

"Yes?"

"Do you like Troy?"

I felt my cheeks turn red and Troy laughed, "I like your mom, is that okay?" Collin grinned, "Yes!"

I shook my head and I looked at Troy, "Co, this is going to by like Sam and Grant," I said carefully, his eyes smiled, "Ryan likes Grant,"

Troy rubbed his hands together as this was going really, really, well. "Can Troy help tuck me in tonight?" Troy and I shared a look as we both smiled, "Yea, I think that can happen," I reached over and I hugged Collin tightly. "I love you buddy,"

"I love you too," I kissed his forehead as I got up to check on the meal I was preparing. Troy followed me but I didn't pay much attention to him. I stirred and prepared the veggies. I felt Troy's arm slip around my waist, "This smells amazing," I smiled, "I told you I could cook,"

"Why the hell do I bring you Parks all the damn time?"

"Because, you make me live in a hospital."

He laughed, "Was that good between Collin,"

"The approval of yes wasn't good enough for you?"

Troy smiled as he backed away from me, "It was good, and I just didn't know what that exactly meant in his world." I nodded my head with a smile, "It was good."

"What do you think will happen at the hospital?"

"You can't be like you do here with him,"

"Obviously…" I smiled over at him as I finished the final touches to dinner; "Co, will you eat just a little bit for mommy?" he glanced over and shrugged as he brought his new car over. I made him a small plate and I looked over at Troy, "Do you want me to make you a plate too?" Troy smirked, "I am much older,"

"Are you?" he leaned forward as his lips got closer to me, "Maybe after we tuck Collin in I can show you how much older I really am," I shook my head as I felt my cheeks turn a bright red, I made Troy a plate and I shoved it against his chest. "Go,"

He smirked as he went over to the table, I sat down after making my plate and I looked between the two boys, "Co, how are you feeling?" he picked at his food and he shrugged his shoulders, "Mommy, do I need to eat this food?" I smiled sadly as he had lost his appetite, he hated eating.

"If you don't eat, will you sit here with Troy and I?"

Collin nodded is head as he pushed the plate away, Troy shared a glance with me and I shrugged my shoulders. Collin and Troy started to talk about football and the Broncos; Troy teased me about liking the Chargers. I rolled my eyes but Collin and Troy were having a good time together. Collin then looked at Troy, "Troy,"

"Yea?"

"Did you like dinner?" Troy stifled a laugh and nodded, "I did,"

"Will you come over more to have dinner? I like when you have dinner with us."

"How about later this week you come over to my house and I'll make you dinner?" Collin twisted his eyes to mine and I smiled, "If we are feeling good, then yes,"

"How about Thursday? I don't work and the Broncos have Thursday night football."

"Yes! Please mom?"

"Yes, of course Co," he grinned, "How about you go get ready for bed? I'll turn on a movie in my room," he got up quickly and ran to our bedroom, Troy shared a look with me and I smiled, "Was that a ploy to got us back to you sooner?"

"Yes," I laughed, "So are you watching this movie with him?" I shook my head, "No, I figured I would spend some time with you." Troy smirked, "Not in that way Mr. Bolton,"

"Doctor," he corrected, I shook my head and he touched my hand, "Mommy, I need help,"

"I'm coming Co,"

I got up from the table, "I'll be back in a couple of minutes," he nodded his head and I slipped into our bedroom. Collin was brushing his teeth, "Are you feeling okay?" I asked him, he nodded his head, "I'm sleepy," I kissed the top of his bald head, "Co, are you okay with Troy being here?"

He nodded his head with a smile, "Yes, just no medicine,"

"No medicine," I promised, "I love you Co,"

"I love you mommy," I kissed his forehead as I tucked him into our bed, "What movie do you want to watch?" I scrolled through Netflix and he sighed, "I don't care, you can pick."

"Mommy is going to hang out with Troy in the living room," he looked up at me and I smiled, "I'll be right out there, okay?" he nodded and I selected one of his favorites to watch. I then put down the remote as I found all of his medications that he needed to take before bed. He didn't battle me tonight like he would on some nights as he took each one easily with a big glass of water. "Good boy," I said, I then found his meal for the overnight stuff and started that as I hooked him up to the machine.

"All right buddy, call me if you need me alright?" he nodded as I kissed his forehead once more as I shut off the lights and went out to see Troy doing the dishes. "Oh Troy, you don't have too." He looked up with a smile, "I know, I wanted too."

"Why thank you," he turned the water off and then handed me a glass of wine he had already poured, "You are looking tired again,"

"Co has had some bad dreams the past couple of nights," he nodded, "I'm sorry,"

"He has had them since he was little, I am used to them. They come and go."

Troy nodded as he finished putting things into the dishwasher and when he was done, he came around as he breathed, "Dinner was very good,"

"Why thank you,"

"I love how you are with Collin," I giggled, "Thank you,"

Troy was struggling as I finally did it for him, my lips pressed on to his and he breathed in. His arms wrapped around me to pull me in tighter as our kisses were frantic and needed. His fingers rested on the small of my back while mine held the back of his neck to pull him even closer to me. I pulled from him as I breathed, "Collin could walk out at any moment, we need to keep this some what clean,"

Troy took in a big breath as he gripped me tighter, "You make kissing intoxicating," I smiled, "Let me check on Collin really fast," he nodded as he let me go from his grasp, I went to the bedroom and Collin was already asleep. I shut the door as I went back to Troy, I took a drink of my wine, "Tonight could not have gone better, Collin loves you," Troy laughed, "He liked me but we weren't sure how,"

"He took it well,"

"Are you okay with Thursday? I can grill,"

"Please,"

Troy smiled, "Good,"

I looked at Troy, "Are we taking this too fast?"

Troy shot me a look; "We danced around each other for months and waited a while longer to tell Collin, I feel like this is dragging." A smile flirted on my lips, "Do you know you are the first boyfriend I have had since Collin?" Troy kind of looked at me surprised, "You haven't had any sort of male interaction in three years?"

"I mean, I have gone out on dates but most guys don't like that I am a single mother who is a lawyer. That just screams not a lot of time." Troy narrowed his eyes, "You mean you haven't been kissed like this?" he pulled me in for a warm kiss, "Or this," his lips drew away from my lips and down to my jaw and he worked to my ear, "or this," I could barely breath as I grabbed onto a counter or something close by before my legs turned into Jell-O.

"In three years?"

"Closer to four," I breathed, "Pregnant women are not much hotter." Troy nibbled on my ear lobe as I sucked in a gasp of air, "It's been about four years for that too, I am silly putty," Troy eased back a little as he redirected himself to my lips, Troy smirked, "That will have to wait for another night,"

"I thought so myself,"

"But I am still going to do this," he pulled me down onto the couch as I swung my legs around his waist as I pressed up against him. He moaned between my lips and I ran my fingers behind his hair. I breathed into his mouth, he pulled away from me and he smiled, "I love Collin and I am so glad that you are a mom but right now, I so wish that this apartment was empty because I don't want to wait." I smirked as I pressed my lips to his jaw.

"Soon, I'll have Sam watch Collin for a night and then you can remind me why I waited four years," He groaned, "How did you go four years?" he asked me, "I made sure those random dates turned into one night stands," I laughed, "Because I can't just leave Collin for the night with Susan,"

He smiled, "Do you miss law?" I nodded my head, "I do."

"You should go back for a little bit. Do some office work on my days off, I can watch Collin," I frowned, "But I don't know," Troy smiled, "Gabs, Collin is starting to adjust. He is what…three days post chemo? Look at him." I sighed, "Troy, I worry about him."

"I have three days off every week, I can move them to during the week and you can go back to work."

"I don't know,"

"You miss law right? How about two days a week, just two days, you could probably even give him to Sam for a day if Ryan isn't in the hospital. I bet you are really good at what you do and I think you shouldn't have to give that up." I sighed as I rolled off of Troy's lap, "I don't know, would it be nice? Yes. I would be inconsistent though and then I wouldn't be able to go to court because that is what I loved." My eyes filled his and I shrugged my shoulders, Troy tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"You deserve some happiness in this picture."

"You make me happy," Troy's eyes lifted to mine and he squeezed my hand, "I will talk to my bosses and see if we can do something like that. I am not holding my breath but I also want to focus on Collin. He is my life and I know things are getting better but you never know what is going to happen, I don't want my life to become consumed with work again. I also want to spend every one of your off days with you."

"Play it by ear but my offer stands,"

My eyes drifted to the clock, "Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked, Troy's eyes drifted to the clock and he nodded his head, I scrolled through Netflix until we agreed on one. I kicked off my shoes and he ended up laying down, I laid in front of him as he pulled me close, he pressed his lips into the top of my head every now and then, his hand found mine as he laced our fingers together tightly. I watched the movie but my eyes grew heavy, Troy would stroke my arm every now and then, I felt so comfortable that I never wanted to move from this spot.

* * *

Troy's POV

The credits rolled on the screen about an hour after Gabi had fallen asleep, I didn't really want to move but it would be weird for Collin to find his mom wrapped in my arms tonight. I got up gently as she rolled into the back of the couch. I pulled her into my arms as I went over to her bedroom as I eased the door open quietly. Collin was curled up on his side sound asleep, I laid Gabi down next to him gently and I tugged the blankets up closer to her.

My lips pressed against her forehead, she stirred and her brown eyes captured mine, "I'm sorry, I always fall asleep during movies." I smiled, "No worries, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Okay?" she nodded, her eyes growing heavy again as I let myself out of the apartment.

I picked up my cell phone and called Sammy, "How did it go?"

"Fantastic," I purred, "Collin took it so well and Gabi is such a beautiful person, God, if Collin wasn't there I would still be there,"

"Cockblock," she muttered, I laughed, "True but I can wait as well, she is such a fantastic mother to him and without Collin I would have never met her."

"I'm glad your night went smoothly,"

"I'm falling for her Sammy,"

"I knew that already,"

"She called me T tonight…"

"Did you tell her?"

"No, of course not."

"Did you correct her?"

"I really liked it, actually,"

"Oh…fuck, you do like her."

"It just sounded so natural coming out of her mouth."

I was almost back to my house as I let out a smile, "Thanks Sammy,"

"You're welcome Troy, I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright?"

"Alright,"

* * *

 _Wednesday, December 3_ _rd_ _, 2014_

 _Gabi's POV_

I smiled as I watched TV with Collin, "How was it?" Sam sat down next to me and I gave her a shit-eating grin. "Holy cow it was amazing," my eyes ventured to Collin and Ryan came over to sit down next to him. I got up and dragged Sam with me into the kitchen area.

She smirked, "So it was good?"

"Fantastic." I announced, "We had the best night last night. He entertained Collin throughout dinner; they talked about all of Collin's favorite things. He bought Collin a new toy and those flowers over there." I felt my cheeks blush, "Then after Collin went to bed we had some of our own fun for a bit,"

"How far did we go?"

"Hands stayed in appropriate areas and all clothing stayed put." She frowned, "Gabs, that doesn't sound,"

"Trust me Sam, just kissing the man is enough," she laughed, "I mean, if Collin wasn't here we probably would have gone a lot farther than what we did but Co was here," She smiled and nodded as I finished telling her how we put on a movie and then he put me in my bed last night.

"How romantic,"

"It was wonderful, I just wish that it was like that every night."

"Don't we all," I gave a sad smile and then I looked over at Collin, "He took it so well,"

My phone started to ring and Collin reached over for it, he then proceeded to answer it, "Co! Who is it?" I jogged over and he giggled, "It's Troy!" I smiled as I slipped the phone away from Collin, "Well hello," I answered, "I am glad I kept my opening statement clean," I laughed, "Well you should always but three-year-olds love to pick up cell phones and answer them." Troy laughed, "I will keep that in mind, are you busy?"

I glanced down at my PJs, "No, but,"

"Come meet me for lunch," I glanced at the clock, "I don't know,"

"Why not?"

"Well Collin takes over an hour to get dressed, I still need to shower and change…" Troy laughed, "Okay, I guess I should give the single mom more time to get ready for things. Do you do much on a whim?"

"Since cancer? No."

"Since Collin?"

"Very little."

"Before Collin?"

"All the damn time,"

Troy laughed, "I can see that,"

"Really?"

"On one of our first dates you made me take lead, you knew exactly what you were doing. You do things with authority and I can only imagine you deciding to jump out of a plane or,"

"I have done that," I interrupted, "During my sophomore year of college,"

"Jesus, you would,"

"It was a whim decision."

Troy laughed, "What was another one of your whim decisions?"

I thought about it for a minute and I smiled, "Saying yes to your date,"

This must have taken Troy by surprise as he then just laughed, "Whim, interesting, is this good or bad?"

"So far?"

"Yes, so far,"

I looked down with a smile playing on my lips, "It was an excellent whim decision,"

"That's what I like to hear,"

A smile played on my lips, "I'll see you tomorrow night Troy Bolton,"

"Tomorrow night,"

* * *

"Mom?"

"Co?"

"Do you and Troy like…kiss?"

I choked on my water and I sputtered, "Where did this come from?"

"Ryan," he said casually, I laughed and I nodded my head, "Yes, well, uhm…Troy and I have kissed before." I said quietly, Collin made a face, "That is gross." I laughed, "I know buddy, it is gross. I just really like Troy,"

"Kissing is gross."

I smiled, "I know, you'll one day understand big man,"

"Don't feel good mommy,"

I sat up alert, "What's wrong?"

"I don't feel good," I leaned forward as I pressed my lips to his forehead, "You don't have a fever, do you want anything?" he shook his head but he crawled into my lap. I wrapped my arms around him as we were watching the rest of a movie. He ended up falling asleep and I sighed, "Hey, Mariah hired a babysitter for Saturday night. Do you want to go out?" I turned my head to face Sam as I ran my fingers over his head.

"Sure, where?"

"I am not sure yet. She just told me she got a babysitter."

"Yes, I would love too."

"Good, are you going to Troy's tomorrow?"

"If Co feels up to it. He said he doesn't feel good right now." My eyes glanced back at him as he was snoozing; his eyelids flickered but remained close. My eyes tilted back up to Sam, "I am hoping. I really want to go over there."

"So you can make out more?" I smiled, "I wish."

"You should go see him,"

"He is working tonight."

"So?"

"Plus Co doesn't feel good," I sucked on my lip gently because it was a good idea, "Gabs, I have Collin. Go,"

"I'll text him to see when his break is,"

"Good idea,"

I picked up my cell phone and I pulled up his messages.

 _G: When is your break?_

I put my phone down as I waited, Collin sat up and he rubbed his eyes, "Mommy, I am sleepy,"

My phone vibrated and I reached over for it as Collin turned himself around in my lap as he pressed his face into my chest. I opened the message on my phone as I tried to not freak out.

 _T: I don't really get one. I don't have much to do here in the next couple of hours…why?_

 _G: Care if I make a visit?_

 _T: Pretty please. I need to see your beautiful face._

 _G: Let me get Co to bed. He is pretty tired today, not himself._

 _T: Oh no. Tomorrow still good?_

My eyes drifted to Collin, as he would be crushed if he didn't get to go to Troy's house tomorrow to watch the Broncos play. I would then become concerned with him not telling me how he actually feels. I let out a long breath as Troy seeing Collin in a bad mood or not in good spirits would be nothing new. Troy was with him at his worst in the hospital.

 _G: We will come. He is really looking forward to it and if I said we couldn't go because he didn't feel good, I would feel like he would start lying to me._

I put my phone down and I picked Collin up as I took him into our room, I started to get him ready for bed but he started to cry. I went over to him as I smoothed his baldhead, he pushed me away as he cried harder. "Co," he shook his head and I felt broken looking at him, "I hurt mommy,"

"I'm sorry baby,"

"It's your fault,"

I felt my own tears as I picked him up and I hugged him close to me. He struggled against me but then only cried against me. "I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry," I sat on the bed and cried with him for several minutes until his breathing started to relax. I kissed his forehead as I laid him down; I grabbed his meds, as he was groggy but awake. He swallowed each of them as a champ and then I gave him a bit more of his pain medication tonight.

I then tucked him into bed and then I connected the rest of his stuff. I looked at him as I stroked his head gently when I slipped on my boots and picked up my phone and keys. I looked at Sam and she nodded, "Go, you could use him right now."

I thanked her as I texted Troy telling him to meet me in the café area. The whole drive to the hospital my mind was in a complete blur about everything that Collin goes through. When I pulled into the hospital, I wanted to have a nervous break down because I was at this hospital but I was here for a different reason.

I inhaled sharply through my nose as I made quick movements and then I was in the children's hospital, I was going down the hallway to the cafeteria and then I spotted Troy sitting down on his phone as he was talking to somebody. My body flew through the cafeteria and he turned to see me as he said something and then hung up, "Gabi, what's wrong?" I buried myself in his arms, I didn't want to talk yet, and I just wanted him to hold me close.

After several minutes, I pulled away and Troy gave me a concerned look. "Gabs," I nodded as I breathed, "Collin was in a lot of pain tonight and was distraught," I said quietly, "He told me it was all my fault," I felt a tear fall down my cheek as Troy pulled me in to his arms again, "Oh Gabi, he probably is in a lot of pain. His counts are probably dropping and he only has you to blame."

"I know, I'm not mad at him, it just hurts because I can not do anything to help him. I can give him more drugs or take him here for you guys to give him even stronger drugs but I can't do anything. I can't make his pain go away."

Troy pressed his lips into my hair as he rubbed my back, "I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault," Troy eased me down into a chair as he smiled across from me, "I'm sorry you are having a bad night with Co, but I am really happy that you decided to come up here to see me." I smiled as my eyes fell down a little and then back to him, "It's weird not seeing your face everyday."

Troy laughed, "This is bad."

I smiled and Troy reached across for my hand, "Do you want to talk about it more?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I kind of just want to take my mind off of it." Troy smiled as he looked over his shoulder and he then pulled my hand up. He took me across the hospital, through a back door and up a couple of flights of stairs. Going through the doors, I realized he had gotten me into the oncology ward the back way. He snuck me into his office and he quickly shut the door as he pressed me back against it.

His lips pressed firmly against mine as I gasped into him. He breathed heavily as he pinned my arms back with one hand as he pulled me in tightly with another hand. He took his lips to my jaw and ear and I tried to hold back a moan deep in my throat. Troy pulled away after a moment, my hands falling by my side and my eyes flying open as he was turned around taking five deep breaths. "That is the best way to forget," I breathed, "Yea, and the best way to also get me in huge trouble,"

I laughed as I collapsed down onto his couch, he turned around and he came over as a knock came at his door. "One second,"

"You going to sneak me out the back or are we doing the walk of shame?" Troy chuckled, "Let me take care of this and then we will walk you to your car."

"Thank you,"

He kissed my forehead and then went out to talk to whatever nurse needed him. I picked up my phone to check on Collin and Sam had texted me a couple of times.

 _S: Collin woke up asking for you. I got him to calm down, appears to be in more pain._

 _S: Finally fell asleep._

 _S: Woke up again. Really wants you. Don't freak out; just come when you see this. Ryan is asleep anyways and I have it handled._

I stood up quickly and I went out the back door to his office, I then made a break for the stairs as I ran down all of the stairs. I pulled out my cell phone as I sent a quick text to Troy explaining what happened and then I was driving madly on my way home.

I lazily parked my car and I rushed up the apartment, I went to the elevator and pressed the button a thousand times until the doors popped open. I let the elevator take me to our floor and then I burst through the apartment door as I heard Collin's sobs.

Sam looked at me and Collin was reaching for me, I took him in my arms as I rubbed his back, "I'm so sorry baby, I'm sorry," his arms wrapped around my neck as I looked at Sam, "He is okay, I think he didn't like waking up without you here."

Tears welled in my eyes, "I failed him,"

"Gabi, no, you went out for a half an hour to see your boyfriend."

"I should be focused on him,"

I took him back to the bedroom and I rocked him back to sleep, I laid him down again as I went back into the living room, "I failed him Sam, I knew Troy was going to be a distraction,"

"Gabi, you have been dedicated to him since you guys found out. Troy is giving you complete happiness right now and you deserve it. Do not let this change anything." I looked at her and Sam came over to give me a big hug, "You deserve him,"

"I can't let Collin down,"

"It was one bad night Gabi, don't beat yourself up over this. Okay?"

"Go to bed," I nodded my head again and she sent me in the direction of my room. I then crawled into the bed next to Collin and I tugged him close. I felt so bad.

* * *

 _Thursday, December 4_ _th_ _, 2014_

"Go Broncos!"

Collin was sitting in Troy's lap as they were both intensely watching the game against the Chargers. They had teased me all damn night about my like of the Chargers but I took the abuse, as both of them were happy together. This made me happy to see Collin enjoying being with Troy and Troy taking him company with stride. Collin was miserable all day today and I felt awful for him. I never left his side and I did everything I could to make him comfortable.

The boys cheered loudly again and I glanced up to see that Manning had thrown a pass down field for a touchdown. Collin ran around with his arms up in a touchdown symbol and he grinned. I shook my head laughing as he went right back next to Troy, forgetting about me almost completely.

He looked over at me with a grin and I grinned back, "Are you okay Co?" he nodded his head as he went back to paying attention to Troy. I smiled as I looked at Troy who was in a pair of jeans with a Broncos t-shirt on. Only a pair of Nike socks on his feet and he had a hat on his head but backwards.

I kind of only wanted to kiss him.

I also felt horrible about last night.

My emotions seemed to be mixed greatly and I hated it.

My mind stared off into space as Troy and Collin watched the football game together. My mind turned to Troy as he was laughing with Collin, I smiled and Troy looked over at me, he frowned as he then said something to Collin. He got up and Collin leaned back into the couch as Troy settled in front of me. His long legs straddling the comforter that sat in front of me, those blue eyes concerned.

"You have been awful quiet tonight." He said, he reached forward and let his hand run down my arms.

"I have been thinking."

"About what?" he grabbed my hand as he folded his hand into mine, "Last night,"

Troy nodded, "Okay, well, how about we enlighten good ol' Troy in this." I smiled at his use of third person and I nodded, "I need to focus on Collin," Troy shook his head, "No, Gabi, last night was a fluke accident, you can't always be there for him Sam did a good job last night with Collin and you got to him and got him settled. I think that happens with all kids,"

"That wasn't the first time and I wasn't there," I protested but Troy interrupted me, "Gabs," I started to say something else, "Not all kids have cancer,"

Troy reached forward, "Gabi, please,"

"I am falling in love with you Troy," the words escaped my lips and I was surprised as they came out, I was surprised that I had admitted in such early stages of dating that I was falling in love with him. Complete head over heels in love with him. I felt my eyes fill with tears and Troy looked at me as his expression changed, he nodded his head after that, I couldn't read him and I wasn't sure if that meant I shouldn't have said anything or something else completely, "I am falling in love with you too,"

My eyes held his as I felt a tear slip down my cheek, as I was happy that it didn't mean I was moving too fast with him. His finger swiped away the tear.

"That is the scariest thing I have done in a very long time," He tilted my chin as he made me look at him, "I know how scared you are about everything going on in your life. Collin is your number one focus but you need somebody else in your life. I am going to be that somebody else in your life, okay? I want to be that somebody else." His blue eyes held mine and I looked at him, "You were there for Collin last night, you made it back."

I nodded and he kissed me softly, "That is gross," Collin muttered, I smiled as Troy turned to look at him for a moment, he slid back on his heels and he looked at me, "He looked at me the other day and was like…so uh…do you and Troy like kiss?"

Troy busted out laughing; he then kissed my forehead as he looked at me, "Are we okay?"

I nodded, "Yes,"

He leaned in to kiss my forehead before he went back over to join Collin. Collin giggled as Troy said something and he then scrunched up his nose. Troy laughed, as that was music to my heart as it fluttered harder. Collin's cancer diagnosis was single handily the worst day of my entire life.

I didn't know if I could love anybody or love anything as much as I loved Collin but yet, somehow, more love wormed its way into my life. My spirits had lifted past where they were pre-diagnosis and that was amazing that adding more people and more love into my life made everything feel better. My eyes fell onto Collin telling Troy something and then Troy picked up a football to show him something. I smiled at the two of them as they both made me happy.

I couldn't let Troy go because of an accident.

I couldn't let him go because I wasn't there one night.

I will just do better and love more.

* * *

 **Happy Surprise update! I am updating both because I have gotten a lot of writing done and well I just feel like it! I hope you guys enjoyed!**

 **Thanks for the love!**

 **Please Review!**

 **Jo**


	15. One Thing After Another

Chapter 15 – One Thing after Another

" _Greif is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."_

They say everything happens in a series of threes.

People die in threes.

Horrible things happen in threes.

Good news can even happen in threes.

Always three.

An odd number and when horrible things happen, they come and the pile on. They pile on until it is so hard to breathe but things continue to happen until it is overbearing. Learning to swim the horrible power is the only way I have learned to survive the three horrible in a row.

Holding my head above the water and taking it, as it comes, not letting it drags me down even further. Collin's sweet voice told me that everything would be okay and that we would make it through this together. Even if he was sick and upset, he still voiced that everything would be just fine.

I had to believe him right?

* * *

 _Saturday, December 6_ _th_ _, 2014_

Collin and I were lazily hanging around the house, as he was not feeling well lately. Ryan and Sam were hanging out as well as I made some lunch. Collin was watching a movie with Ryan but Collin just wasn't in the mood. Troy and I haven't really talked since Thursday, as he was busy with work.

Polishing off the mac and cheese, I served Ryan and Collin a bowl even though Collin would only eat half of what I gave him. Sam came out of the room with a bright smile on her face as everything with Ryan was looking up and that made me so happy for her. She ran her fingers through her hair as she grabbed a bowl and I then had a bowl.

"Collin doesn't look so good today," I shook my head as my eyes watched him stir the mac n cheese around but never actually ate any of it. I am actually concerned about how Collin was doing because he just wasn't right today. He got up and ran over to me as I looked at him, "What's wrong buddy?"

He didn't say anything; he just wrapped his arms around my neck. I held him as I finished eating my lunch, he breathed against me as I pressed my lips to his forehead. He whined as I took him back to our bedroom and I lay down with him. His eyes were glassed over and I pressed my lips to his forehead again.

I then reached for a thermometer that I seemed to keep a hell of a lot handier these days. It came back a low grade fever, "No, no," I said shaking my head, Collin sat up and he cried out in pain. "Oh baby," that's when his nose started to bleed.

"Christ,"

I reached for a towel as I handled the bleed; I did all of Troy's instructions on how to handle them when it slowly stopped. I grinned as it meant that things were going to be okay, I got up to wash my hands and to grab a rag to wipe his face. Tears ran down his face, as I scrubbed a little harder to get the dried blood off. I pressed my lips into his temple when we lay down again. He rested against me after a little bit he turned onto his side.

I pulled him close to me as he slept for a while; I watched TV and scrolled on my phone when I felt the warm stickiness on my hand. I looked down and his nose was bleeding again, I quickly sat him up and he woke up screaming. Sam came quickly into our room and she noticed as she was quickly grabbing more napkins and things to help stop his blood from going everywhere.

"Shit, Gabi," Sam said, we switched roles as I went to find more and she held the towel up to Collin. He was sobbing at this point as we both tried to calm him down. The blood came gushing out even faster as he was growing anxiously pale. I shook my head as I wiped my forehead with my forearm, "He needs to go to the hospital," I said, my voice breathless from fighting this for six minutes.

"I'll help. Let me go grab Ryan and I'll put him in your car, follow me," I nodded as I swooped up Collin. I was able to get him to hold on to the tissue firmly while I carried him down the stairs. Sam and Ryan had pulled up as I slid into the backseat; Sam was already on the go as I secured Collin into his car seat. Collin whined, as the nosebleed wasn't letting up at all.

I pulled out my cell phone with my shaking hands as I pushed on Troy's number. It rang a couple of times, "Hey, I was,"

"We are coming in,"

"What?"

"Collin has a horrendous nose bleed. Ten minutes of losing a strong flow of blood, he is turning really pale."

"Hell, I will meet you in the ER. How far out?"

"Ten minutes," I breathed, "I'll see you then,"

I hung up as my attention went back to helping Collin, he cried out as he looked at me, his eyes pleading for me to help him. It broke my heart to look at him, my eyes filling with tears as I leaned forward to kiss his forehead as I reached for a new towel since the one I was holding was soaked with blood. "Almost there Gabi,"

"I appreciate this Sam,"

"You are more than welcome, this is why we live together. For these moments."

I breathed and we pulled into the hospital moments later, I unbuckled Collin and I went racing inside, Troy was looking down at his watch when I came flying in. He looked up and he looked at Collin in my arms, he easily slipped him out of my arms. "C'mon,"

Troy went into an ER room where Bridget was waiting with saline; they quickly got the nosebleed to slow down as they worked, Collin cried out when they started to access his port. Bridget moved his arms around and Troy grew frustrated as he took the tools from Bridget and he accessed his port instead. Collin was sobbing by this point making my heart hurt. I want to go over to him but I knew I needed to stay back, "Is there a room open on the floor?"

"No, we are booked solid," Troy grunted and he let out a big breath, "Keep them comfortable here," Troy said, his eyes came back to me, "We need to get the bleeding to stop," Bridget said, Troy didn't say anything as he continued to work with what he had, more red gauze kept going onto the tray when Collin's sobs started to die down and the gauze didn't come as frequently, "Better," Troy breathed, he pulled away and took his gloves off his hands.

He turned to face me, his eyes scanned over me and he let out a breath, "We will run his blood counts, I can only assume that he will need to spend some time in the hospital. The flu is going around horribly and him catching that could be deadly." Troy said to me, "If his counts are bad then I can't let him leave."

I leaned forward and I rubbed my forehead, "Okay,"

"I'll see what I can do for the room situation."

I nodded and he walked out of the room, Bridget was finishing cleaning things up, she sighed, "He really likes you Gabi," my eyes flashed to her and I nodded, "I know,"

"He doesn't get into a lot of girls and let alone a patients mother. I have been with Troy for a really long time and he cares. He wants the best for the both of you. Normally, I get those nosebleeds with a brand new nurse and here he is doing that work. He can calm Collin in the blink of an eye; access his port in damn seconds, I am almost jealous. This is the first girl I have seen him care for besides his mom and sister,"

I looked at Bridget stunned, "I figured you hated that we were…"

"I did," she answered, "But then I see how much happier he is."

My eyes focused on Collin, "I hate this."

"I know, Nerf weekend on the floor though. He'll be okay, he just needs to rebounded on his counts,"

"Transfusion?"

"I already ordered it along with platelets." I went over to Collin and I picked up his hand, my fingers smoothing over the small parts of his fingers. "Thanks Bridget,"

"You are more than welcome Gabi,"

* * *

We were moved to a double room, this was the first time it had happened but it was okay. We got the window side so Collin and I had privacy. He was already looking a hell of a better but Troy had reported back to me that his counts were non-existence.

I rubbed my eyes, as Collin was asleep when I heard the curtain move between the beds, I turned to see Troy coming in the room. "Hi," I said, he let out a sigh as he came to sit in front of me, "Are you okay?" I nodded my head, "Yea, this wasn't the first go-around." Troy leaned forward to press his lips to my forehead. He lingered there and I breathed in his smell, "I'm sorry that his counts are so bad, I kind of saw his counts falling like this on Thursday."

"You could have warned me,"

"You knew," I smiled and nodded as I saw it myself, Troy looked over at a sleeping Collin, "Hopefully after some blood and platelets you'll be able to go home tomorrow afternoon." I nodded and leaned into him, "Are you working tomorrow?"

"For a little bit,"

"Want to go out tomorrow night? Sam and Ryan come in for his last round of chemo next week, I will be losing my baby-sitter," Troy smiled as he pulled his hand into mine, "I would love to go out with you tomorrow night," he leaned forward to kiss me again, I smiled and he eased me into his lap, "Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"I'm taking a break,"

"So you decided to spend it in here?" he nodded and he rubbed my knee, "What do you want to do tomorrow night?" I held his hand as I thought about it, "Dinner would be nice,"

"Is that it?"

"Making out sounds fun too,"

Troy laughed, "I bet it does,"

"I would say a movie but I fall asleep during any movie, Collin hates it." Troy smirked as his hand crept up my thigh and my breathing slowed down, "I mean, we could go to Parks to get some burgers and then I have something in mind to do after that and then after that we can make-out," I laughed, "Good, as long as we get to make-out." Troy laughed and his hand kept going further, "Troy," my voice was sharp with warning and he chuckled pulling his hand away.

"Not funny,"

I got up and turned to look at him, a funny smirk on his face and I shook my head, "No,"

"I keep forgetting, four years," he mused, I rolled my eyes, "Are you going to hold that against me?"

"Well no…I am using it to my advantage,"

"Well not tomorrow because I want to stay the night and not leave so not tomorrow,"

"Stay the night tomorrow," he pleaded, "Not because of that, just to spend more time together."

"Not after this," I said waving my hand, "Soon," I promised with a nod, Troy sighed as he stood up, he circled me in his arms and his lips pressed to the top of my head, "Fine," I smiled into his chest and I rubbed his back, "Thank you,"

"I'll come check on you guys later,"

He disappeared out the door and I let out a breath of air because I wanted to stay tomorrow night so badly, but I knew it wasn't time yet and I loved how patient he was being.

* * *

Troy's POV

I walked out of their room and back to the desk, my hands ran through my hair as I went back to work when I heard the elevator door open. My eyes scanned over to see my mom and sister coming onto the floor; I panicked as I stood up quickly, "Mom,"

Bridget took notice and she quickly went over to Gabi's door and shut it, I thanked her as I went over to her, "What are you doing up here?" her eyes scanned the floor and she let out a long shaky breath, "I came to talk to you actually,"

"Cell phones work," I announced, I looked over at Sammy and she shrugged her shoulders, "No, I need to come up here so I can ask you if I can do a Christmas day up here on Christmas," my eyes went alert, "You want to do a Christmas drive?"

She nodded her head, "I haven't been up here since and I just…I want to start helping these families again. I figured if I could come up here today then I would be okay. We still have the foundation and I am pretty sure the board would be thrilled to do something with the money. It's time,"

I smiled and I looked at Sammy as she had tears in her eyes, "That's good mom, the kids will love it."

"Are you working on Christmas?"

"The night, I have the morning off."

"Good, are you spending time with your girlfriend?"

I felt my smile faltered as I had yet to tell her that her next chemo was over Christmas, "I uh…she'll actually be here with her son. That's his chemo week," my mom looked at me alarmed, "Troy Bolton, if there is one thing you can control,"

"Mom, I actually don't control that. It's just how we started in August," I admitted, she looked at me and shook her head, "You owe that girl at least a normal Christmas with her son and you know that," I bit on my lip and I just nodded my head without saying much of anything else. "She doesn't have family mom,"

"Even more…you should take the day off."

"Ma,"

"When is the last time you saw her even? Are you being a good boyfriend?" Sammy started to laugh and I shook my head, "Actually, she is here…right now. Her son's counts are showing a lot of zeros. He had a bad nose bleed so platelets and blood…" my mom looked at me unexpected and her eyes drifted over to the only closed door on the floor. "I want to meet her,"

"Mom, are you sure you are up for that? Collin is pretty sick and,"

"I'll be fine, I have to meet him and her at some point correct? You are serious about her." I took a deep breath and I shrugged, "Okay, okay," I nodded my head as I went over to her room and I gently knocked on the door. The one damn time she doesn't have a private room; I turned suddenly as I faced my mom. "How about we do this in the playroom? They have a roommate right now and I would rather not have this," my mom nodded, "Okay,"

She went down the hall with Sammy as I burst through the door. I mostly wanted to give Gabi five minutes to panic. She was going to freak out. Gabi looked at me with an amused expression, "Why are you in such a panic?"

"My mom is here and she wants to meet you." The sentence flew out of my mouth and Gabi squinted and then her eyes went wide. "Your mom?"

"My mom, she came by to ask me something about a Christmas something and well some how it slipped that you were here. She wants to meet you and my mom doesn't like my job, she actually hates what I do so she could like have a nervous break down or something…"

Gabi let a slow smile cross her face, "You are nervous,"

My smile fell, "What?"

"You are freaking out because you really want your mom to like me."

I rubbed my jaw and I looked at her, "Why do you find this amusing, why aren't you freaking out?" she gave me a reassuring smile, "Because Troy, I work with a lot of mom's and I know what they want is a friendly smile and to know that there son will be taken care of. I am a family lawyer." I laughed, "Well don't I have an unfair advantage, she is in the playroom waiting," my eyes moved to Collin who was passed out in his bed.

"She can maybe meet Collin another time, I don't want to wake him up." Gabi nodded her head as she stood up, "C'mon Bolton, let me show you how it is done with meeting mothers," I followed Gabi out as for some reason I am always following her. She led me down to the playroom where Sammy and my mom were standing in the corner talking. Gabi noticed Sammy and smiled, "Hi!" Sammy smiled and pulled Gabi into a hug.

"Troy told us that Collin has low counts, is he doing okay?"

"Better. He is finally getting some rest," Gabi's eyes turned to my mom and she gave an even bigger grin. "Mrs. Bolton, it is a pleasure to meet you. Troy talks about his mom and how amazing she is and I am so happy to finally meet you." My mom looked up at me and then down back to Gabi, she smiled, "Troy kind of obsesses over you and so it is finally nice to put a name to the face. I am so sorry about your son,"

"It's okay, I am learning to deal with it. Troy has been a saint during this whole time," I smiled as I crossed my arms, she was really good at this and I was jealous. I was jealous because I was a nervous wreck over mothers. I was a nervous wreck meeting parents and she was so at ease. She had my mom laughing within minutes and I loved it already. "Troy mentioned that you had chemo during Christmas,"

"Sadly," Gabi mentioned, "I am just glad that we don't have much family and that the nurses who also have to work that holiday. We were here on Thanksgiving and I think we had more fun here than we would have had at home." My mom looked at Gabi and I could see hear heart aching for her. She could see exactly why I was falling for her. She could see absolutely everything that I saw in her. My mom looked at me and she had tears in her eyes, "Well, I was just telling Troy that I was going to do a Christmas drive up here this Christmas for all of those kids who will be stuck in here on Christmas,"

"Oh, I bet all of the kids will love it."

"They do," I piped in, "We normally get somebody to dress up like Santa and they go around handing out gifts. It brings joy to this floor."

Gabi looked at the wall and she smiled, "I loved meeting you Mrs. Bolton, I do need to go back and check on Collin though. I don't like leaving him without telling him where I am going," My mom smiled and she then pulled Gabi into an unexpected hug. Gabi was shocked but then recovered and hugged my mom back, my mom said something to her and then she let Gabi go. Gabi turned to face me and I smiled at her, "I'll come check on you guys in a bit,"

She nodded as she slipped out of the playroom, my eyes refocused on my mom. She had tears running down her face and I took three steps forward, "Mom,"

"She is perfect Troy, I can see everything that you told me, and she is perfect." I smiled as I wrapped my arms around my mom in a big hug, "Oh mom,"

"I didn't understand at first Troy, I didn't understand why you wanted to date a girl from the oncology ward. A mom to a young child who is riddled with cancer but I get it. I understand. I understand everything with you and her. She isn't letting this bullshit control her life and she takes it all with a grain of salt."

My mom pressed her lips together tightly, "Push her son's chemo date back,"

"Mom,"

"Do it. At least until that night when you come into work. We will have them over for Christmas as our family. She is our family now because Troy, she deserves a Christmas," I shook my head and I laughed, "Okay,"

"I also think that you should take your name off his case,"

My head snapped up to hers, "What?"

"Oh Troy, don't take that the wrong way but you need to think about somebody else's name to be on the case. You are the head of the department anyways, you can oversee all of the cases." I shook my head, "I feel a lot more comfortable with him in my control."

"You will also be able to do more with them,"

"I can date her mom. It is not against any of our rules, Daniel knows."

"Well, I just want you to be smart about this,"

"Okay,"

I hugged her tighter, "I am glad you came up here,"

"Me too,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

 _Sunday, December 7_ _th_ _, 2014_

Troy slipped back into the room and I ran my hands down Collin's arm as we watched a football game. Collin had perked up a ton since receiving blood and other stuff. Troy came over and he touched my shoulder while kissing the top of my head.

"Ew," Collin muttered, Troy stifled a laugh, "Your discharge papers are coming up," he whispered, "Good,"

"Date still?"

"Of course," Troy smiled, "Hey Co, mind if I borrow your mommy tonight?" he shrugged his shoulder and I smiled, "Can you play a game with me tonight?" Collin asked, Troy hesitated and I grinned, "Come over about an hour early. While I am getting ready you guys can play, it will be good for you guys to play with me not around."

Troy hesitated for a moment and then nodded, "Okay,"

I smiled, "Go finish my discharge papers,"

"Yes ma'am,"

Troy started to leave when he turned around to face me, "His numbers bounced back well, I am impressed but I would take it easy for a couple of days." He looked down and he smiled gently, "Your next chemo date won't be until December,"

"23rd, I know,"

"No, the 25th. You'll come in when I come into work," my eyes lifted to meet his and he breathed, "My mom found out that you were going to be here and she didn't like that very much, so, you are spending Christmas with my family." My mouth went dry and Troy shrugged his shoulders, "She likes you,"

"She did?"

"A lot,"

I was stunned as meeting Troy's mom yesterday was a surprise and I really liked her but I wasn't sure what her read on me was, the hug at the end was unexpected and I kept replaying it in my head over and over again. It was odd as hell but it was also comforting. I sighed as I looked up at Troy, "Fine, we will go have Christmas with your family. The only person I haven't met is your dad."

"Good man, you'll like him. Collin will have fun and it will be nice to have a young kid running around. We don't have any of those," I smiled, "Thank you Troy,"

"Don't thank me, my mom is the one who pushed for it."

Troy walked out and then went back to this computer, he signed some papers and I looked at Collin. I slipped out of the bed and went into the hallway, "Can we have a dinner with your family beforehand? Collin will feel awkward going over on Christmas and if he knows them beforehand then he will be more comfortable."

Troy's blue eyes held mine and he nodded, "Let me work something out,"

"Thank you,"

"Maybe we can have it at my house, he will be the most comfortable there,"

"Perfect," I smiled at him and he smiled back, "You want to kiss me right now don't you," I nodded my head and Troy laughed, he looked around him and then quickly leaned forward, his lips were so god damn warm against mine. I sucked in a breath of air, "Sir, I can not wait to do this for a long ass time tonight," Troy laughed, "I think I am leaving now,"

"Not until you sign my discharge papers,"

He picked up papers and handed them to me, "I'll be over around four, okay?"

"Perfect. Collin will be happy,"

He smiled and I went skipping back to the room, ready to get the hell out of here.

~T&G~

"Gabi, I have to go," I popped out to see Sam carrying Ryan on her hip, all of his stuff ready to go, "Where are you going?" I questioned, "My mom is sick, she is in the hospital," my face paled, "Is she okay?"

"I don't know," she turned to face me, and her face paled, "Shit, Gabi, I am so sorry, I promised that I would watch Collin so you and Troy could go out on a date," I shook my head and I let out a deep breath, "Oh no, Sam, your mom is way more important than a silly date, go, do you want me to keep Ryan so you can focus on her?"

"Oh Gabi,"

"Sam, you have helped me so much. You honestly are going to want to focus on your mom. Leave Ryan here," she looked at Ryan and then nodded her head, "Of course, okay, are you sure? I feel so bad,"

"No, your mom deserves this and she needs your help,"

"Thank you Gabi,"

"Go,"

I took Ryan and his stuff as she went bolting out the door, I let out a sigh and I grabbed my cell phone to call Troy. "Hey, I was getting ready to leave," he announced, "Sam had to go tend to her mom, she is pretty sick apparently and I have two boys now."

"Oh…"

"I'm so sorry Troy,"

"No, no, it's fine."

"It isn't fine, I told you that we could go out tonight and then,"

"You are a mother and you don't have a babysitter, that is fine,"

"Troy, I feel horrible,"

"Don't,"

"I do,"

Troy laughed, "You know what, let me call you back in about fifteen minutes okay?"

"Okay,"

"I'll talk to you soon,"

I got Ryan settled into PJ's and Collin as well, I went to the cabinet to pull out the take-out menus and searched for what type of pizza that I wanted. I tapped my chin when I pulled up a barstool to browse for a little bit while they started the movie.

Once I chose the pizza that I wanted, I picked up my cell phone when a knock came at the apartment door. I frowned as I slid out of my chair and went across the room to open it when I gasped, Troy stood behind the door with two pizzas and a case of beer on top of that. "Troy," he smiled, "Hi,"

He walked into the door and Collin popped up to look at him, "Troy!"

"Hey bud, I brought dinner,"

I hadn't said much of a word yet when he had already served the boys two slices of pizza. He then turned towards me and I felt tears in my eyes. "Hey, what in the hell,"

"You are perfect,"

Troy smiled as he wrapped me into his arms, "I am not,"

"You didn't have to come here Troy, I was preparing for a night of G rated movies and popcorn."

"Well…how about G rated movies, popcorn, and beer?" I smiled with a nod of my head, "That sounds amazing,"

"Maybe after they are asleep I can kiss you a lot,"

"I like the sound of that Mr. Bolton,"

He winked as he took a slice of pizza from the box and he looked at the TV, "This seems like an exciting night," I laughed aloud and I shook my head, "We are about to test your parenting skills,"

He smiled and we both walked over to the love seat as we sat down.

* * *

Fingers ran across my stomach and I swatted the hand away, "Co, go back to sleep," a deep laugh made me sit up quickly and I almost knocked heads with Troy, "Movies do knock you out," I groaned and rubbed my face, my eyes looked across to see Ryan and Collin asleep on the couch.

"I passed it on to my child as well,"

"Did not. He passed out during the second movie while you were out in the first thirty minutes,"

"The second?" Troy nodded his head and I groaned again, "I am so sorry," Troy smirked, "You can repay me by coming here," I smiled as I crawled into his lap and once my legs were secured around his waist, he picked me up and effortlessly as he walked me to my bedroom. He eased the door shut quietly and then his feverish lips were all over mine. I breathed into his mouth while my hands wrapped around his neck to pull me closer to him.

"Fuck," he swore and my stomach did flip-flops with the small words, he moved me over to the bed as he laid me on my back and then he straddled over top of me. His lips ran down my jaw and he right by my ear. I sucked in a deep rapid breath and it came back out as a long moan of air. I pulled his lips back onto mine and he groaned into the kiss as my legs wrapped around his waist to pull him down on top of me.

He pulled away and rolled onto his back as he took several deep breaths, "If I get carried away," he didn't finish his sentence, as I fully understand that stopping would be difficult for the both of us. Troy rolled around onto his side and his fingers grazed over my stomach. "I'm so slowly falling in love with you," Troy whispered, I looked over at him and I shook my head, "This is happening quickly," Troy smiled with a nod and he started to slowly kiss me again.

The kiss was slow and beautiful; his fingers flowed through my hair gently causing goosebumps to shatter across my skin. He eased me on top of him as I deepened the kiss and he pulled away, his nose pressing into my neck. "I could do this all day,"

"Soon," I promised, "I want a day full of you," Troy smirked, "In what way?"

"Every way," I whispered into his ear, he grinned and he started to sit up, "Already leaving?" he nodded his head, "Sorry," I sighed, "I just want to kiss you more,"

"If I can't undress you then it probably isn't the best of ideas," I smiled and wrapped my arms around him, "Stay with me,"

"Gabi I can't," I pouted and he laughed, "Do you finally have time for that secret love affair?" Troy couldn't contain his laugh, "No, I just don't think me being here in the morning when Ryan and Collin, two of my patients wake up, is a good idea."

"Co already knows,"

"Still Gabi…"

I sighed, "Fine," Troy laughed as he pressed his body into mine again, "Trust me, I want to badly stay," I pouted some more and I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer to me. He pressed his warm lips against mine and I shuddered from the power of his kiss. The way his body made mine feel, no guy has ever been able to make me feel like this. I breathed and I kissed him back a little bit harder but Troy finally pulled away.

"I'll see you soon," he then kissed my forehead, I rolled out of the bed and wrapped my arms around his waist, my head burying into his shoulder blades. "Keep walking, I am just following you out to lock the door." Troy touched my hand and when we made it to the door, he sighed, "Soon?"

"Once Sam's mom is doing better,"

Troy nodded and he tucked my hair behind my ear, "Thanks for coming over tonight. You didn't have too."

"I wanted too." He confirmed, "I promise."

He kissed me once more before slipping out of the apartment door. I locked it and turned around to see both of the boys were still sleeping soundly on the couch. Going back to the bedroom, I lay down and prepared for sleep.

* * *

 _Thursday, December 11_ _th_ _, 2014_

I smiled over at Sam and Ryan who were playing on the floor, Sam's mom had recovered nicely from whatever happened and was no longer in danger. "How are you and Troy doing?"

"Well," I said to her, "Ryan said he came over on Sunday,"

"He did," I answered, "I hope that isn't awkward for you guys,"

"Not at all. I kind of talked to Ryan about what was going on and I think he understands." I nodded as Collin was already asleep in our bed and I finished loading the dishwasher when my phone rang. "Hello?" I answered, "Hey," Troy's voice caught me off guard and I smiled, "Hi,"

"Care to come out for a bit? I just got off work and,"

"Co isn't feeling so hot today. I mean, he is okay, just a bad day."

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay, maybe Saturday night…just you and I."

Troy laughed from the other side of the phone, "Should I even cook dinner?"

"Nah…" Troy laughed and he said that he would talk to me later. I put the phone down as I went to put a sweatshirt on with a pair of sweatpants. I did a load of laundry and then checked on Collin who was sleeping soundly. Sam was putting Ryan to bed as I settled in front of the TV with a glass of wine and turned on Scandal that was just getting ready to start.

"Oh yes!" Sam poured herself a glass of wine and then settled into the spot next to me as we watched Olivia Pope kickass. "How is Troy?"

"Good, he called and asked me out tonight but Co isn't feeling well, Saturday, do you mind?" Sam turned towards me, "Are you finally going to ask him to do you until you lose your mind?" I laughed taking another drink, "Hell yes, we got close Sunday night but we both thought it would be more smart to not do it with two young children in the room next to us."

"Close like?"

"Like our kissing was so intense we had to lay quiet for a bit for everything to calm down." Sam laughed when a knock came at our apartment door, I looked over at Sam and she shrugged her shoulders. I laughed, "I bet it is Troy, he did this Sunday,"

I got up off the couch as I went over to the door, I unlocked it and I swung it open.

"Gabi,"

My breath stuck in my throat as my mind began to spin in a hundred different directions. It started to spin into a direction I wasn't sure how to respond too. I kept thinking about how Collin got sick, and then Sam's mom got sick and now this, this appeared at my door. I could barely breath as I clutched onto the door tighter, my fingers were growing white with fear as it swept through my body. How did he find me?

"Gabi, is everything okay?"

The man starred back at me and my stomach clutched as I felt like I could have puked. "We need to talk,"

I shook my head and I looked at him, not believing this was true. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't it.

"Joe," I breathed, his eyes narrowed and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do this, I couldn't be here. How was I floating any longer, how could I do this, how was this even possible? I was forgetting to swim and I was slowly sinking.

* * *

 **Dammnnnnnn. I left you guys with two cliffhangers in two different stories. I am rude. I really am sorry and you should look for another update on Wednesday! This will be the last time I do a double update in the same week but I just have so much writing done I thought why not!**

 **Thanks for all of the love! I hope you guys liked it!**

 **Please Review!**


	16. Ghost

Chapter 16 – Ghost

" _The past is a very determined ghost, haunting every chance it gets."_

When I got pregnant, I thought of Joe.

When I was five months pregnant, I thought of Joe and realizing I wasn't giving my kid a chance to get to know his dad.

When I was giving birth to Collin, I thought about Joe.

My thoughts began to taper off about Joe after that for quite some time, I didn't need him in my life and every thought about him, I could justify as to why I didn't want Joe to be apart of Collin's life. I moved before I found out I was pregnant and I didn't find a reason to disrupt a life that didn't need to be disrupted.

The next time I thought about Joe was the day Collin was diagnosed with cancer. The repeated question of his father came into the picture and Joe was the only person I could think of. Sam and I searched him and I knew he was happy. He was happy.

I never doubted my reasons to never let Joe into his life.

I also wasn't sure.

Yet, a ghost came knocking on my apartment door, I never thought I would see the day, I never thought it would happen but you know, they always say, the past is a determined ghost and it haunts you every chance it gets.

* * *

"IS HE MY SON?"

Joe let these words sprint out of his mouth and I stumbled backwards slightly, my body shocked with waves. Joe hadn't said anything but my name and those words, I didn't know how to respond; I didn't know what was even happening. "Joe," I said aloud, "He is sleeping in the back room, can we please not wake him up?"

"Is he mine?" his words were bitter and I nodded my head slowly, "Yes," I answered, "He is yours."

"Gabi, is everything okay?" Sam came over from the couch and Joe stared at her, "Sam, this is Joe," I paused as I looked over at him, "Collin's father," Sam gasped and I slowly nodded my head, "Gabi, we need to talk," I looked over at Sam and she nodded, "I'll watch him," I thanked her as I walked out of the room and Joe stormed past me and down the stairs. Once we were in the lobby, he turned his eyes to look at me. "Why in the hell did you never tell me?"

I could only shrug my shoulders; "I guess I never saw a reason why, I found out I was pregnant when I moved here."

"I could have helped you!"

"I didn't need you help,"

"You didn't have any reason to keep my son from me! Why in the world," he was angry; I then put my foot down and started to ask my own questions. "How in the world do you even know?" he turned around to face me, "Were you keeping it a secret?"

"Yes! I didn't need you coming into my life and disrupting it,"

"Disrupting it? How would you like it if somebody came up to me and asked how my son was, he heard about him being sick," I frowned, "to my surprise, I have two damn daughters and no son so I asked and he mentioned my last college fling had a baby and it looked just like me," I bit down onto my lip as I started to shake, "Joe, I just didn't want to ruin your life."

"You didn't get a choice!"

"I felt like it was a hell of a lot easier to explain to Collin that I didn't let his dad instead of his dad not wanting him!"

"I would have married you! I would have stepped up,"

"That's exactly what I didn't want Joe! You were not the one for me! You didn't give me this spark!" Joe laughed, "Gabi, I should file reports against you for doing this," I felt my eyes fill with tears, "Collin is mine,"

"Collin," the name slipped off his lips and I felt goosebumps travel down my body. I felt like I could puke, "Joe, did they mention anything else about Collin?" Joe shook his head, "No," I bit down on my lip as tears filled my eyes, "Joe, there is something you need to know about Collin,"

He turned towards me, "What?"

I swallowed on the lump in my throat, "He is sick,"

"With what? Did you not fucking take care of him?"

My chest caved but I held back the tears because I wasn't going to cry in front of Joe, I couldn't cry in front of Joe. My eyes looked up at him and he opened his mouth, "I swear to fucking God if you have laid a hand on him,"

"He has cancer!" I blurted, Joe stopped and he looked at me, "What?"

"Stage four Neuroblastoma,"

"You fucking bitch, you keep him from me and then you let him have cancer sit in his body," I ran my fingers over my face because I couldn't cry I couldn't do this. "Joe, I need,"

"I'll be back tomorrow, this conversation is not over,"

Joe then stormed out of the building, I went running upstairs into the apartment and I reached for my keys and my phone, "Gabi, what is wrong?"

"I have to go, I have to go," I was hyperventilating and Sam put her hands on my shoulder, "Breathe Gabi," tears were streaming down my face, "I need to go see Troy, he can help," Sam nodded, "Stay with him tonight, okay? I have Collin no matter what, we can talk tomorrow," I nodded as I fled the building. My body was shaking because Joe showed up at my door and this wasn't a dream. Joe was here. Joe knew about Collin.

My chest ached and I drove to Troy's house, I seemed to already know the path to his house. My mind was blurred with emotions and when I pulled into the driveway, I stumbled out of the car and straight to his front door. I knocked several times in a row as my chest was heaving with anger and I couldn't believe it.

The door swung open and I looked at Troy, "Gabi, are you okay?" I shook my head as tears suddenly came rushing down my face, "Gabi, what is wrong?" he eased me into the house and the sobs broke from my mouth and Troy pulled me into his arms, "Calm down," he eased me down onto his couch as he was probably fearing the worst to come from my mouth, he was probably thinking Collin. He wasn't thinking the ghost from my past.

"Collin's dad showed up at my apartment tonight,"

Troy paused and he looked at me, "and?"

"He blamed me for letting Collin get so sick, he thinks I did this to him and maybe I did, maybe I was a push-over,"

"Whoa, whoa, hold on Gabi, this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault," Troy held my chin for a minute, "Slow down," he said softly, "Take a deep breath," I did as he told and the tears subsided and he rubbed my arm gently, "Okay, now, explain what happened?"

I took another deep breath as I looked into his deep blue eyes, they held concern for me as I nodded my head, "He knocked on our apartment door and I have no idea how he got that, I have no clue and then he yelled at me asking me if Collin was his kid, I nodded and told him yes. I then followed him to the lobby so we can talk without waking up the boys that were sleeping. He proceeded to tell me that a friend of a friend came up to ask him how his son was doing?"

Troy nodded and he held my hand, "He obviously has two daughters who are perfectly healthy. So this man proceeded to tell him that I had a kid and it looked just like him, he figured he knew. He apparently saw something about Collin being sick. I then told Joe that Collin had Neuroblastoma and when I told him how bad, he blamed me for letting it get so bad and that he was going to find a lawyer,"

"Oh Gabi," he breathed, he pulled me into his arms as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, "He never let me explain, he never let me talk, he just yelled at me,"

Troy eased me back to look at me again, "I'm sorry," his blue eyes held mine and I nodded my head, "It's okay, I just wish that he wouldn't have found me. I was supposed to be a ghost to him. He was a ghost to me. I wanted him to have nothing to do with Collin's life and some how he finds out. Collin is mine and I don't want to ever lose that, if he goes for lawyers…" my thoughts drifted and Troy eased me to rest against him.

We were both quiet for a couple of minutes until I started speaking, "When he showed up to the apartment, I looked at him and thought he was a ghost. I thought I was dreaming and I was thrown into a nightmare that Joe was suddenly apart of our life. Joe was supposed to never know about Collin because I didn't need his help. He told me he would have married me if he would have known and I didn't want to marry Joe. Joe wasn't the love of my life." I paused to collect my thoughts, "I looked and him and instantly knew I would have done the same thing again."

Troy sighed from behind me, "I get what you are saying but from a male's point of view, I would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to know if I had fathered a child because maybe I did want to be apart of his or her life. He is angry right now that you kept this from him and well…give it time. Give Joe time to figure everything out before you jump to conclusions."

I pulled away to look at him and nodded, "Okay," Troy tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and he kissed me softly, "Are you okay?" I shrugged my shoulders as tears filled my eyes again. "I don't know I am in shock really." He nodded, "I mean it would be different if he like gave me a phone call or an email but he just showed up at my apartment. I don't know where he would have found that." I bit on my lip and Troy sighed, "I don't know, I wish I could help you."

"You just being right here is exactly what I need Troy," he gave a small smile, "I don't like seeing you upset." I laid my head on his shoulder, "I don't want to be upset. I just want it to be a dream." He didn't say anything while I let my body relax after the shock and the fear that it just went through. The tears subsided and Troy had gone to get two hard drinks from upstairs. I threw back the drink as it burned my throat and I breathed.

"How is Collin doing?" Troy asked, I shrugged, "He is doing okay. I think today was just a hard day for him. We played a lot yesterday." Troy nodded and I rubbed my face. "I don't know how in the world he is going to react to this."

"He is young, he'll do fine." I nodded my head and I looked over at Troy. He smiled at me as he kissed me softly. He stroked my cheek with his thumb and I looked into his blue eyes. "You better?" he asked me, I nodded my head, as words seemed to be locked in my throat. "In a relative term," Troy nodded in understanding that nothing was ever going to be better. I was going to have to live with the choice I made and deal with whatever came my way. "I can drive you home if you need a ride home." Troy said, I bit on the inside of my cheek and I let out a long breath. "Uhm, do you care if I stay the night here instead?"

Troy blinked and then raised his eyebrow; his eyes were full of concern but also of hope that maybe things between our relationships were going to change tonight. "Only if it's okay with you," Troy let a slow smile roll across his lips as he pulled me into his lap.

"Gabi, I would absolutely love for you to stay the night tonight." I smiled and he smiled back as our lips met in the middle. Both of our lips warm with passion, longing for this to happen. The kiss was urgent and needy; the kiss was perfect in every aspect.

Troy and I were pushing this with urgency because we had been stopped so many times before. So many times this moment was ruined and we didn't want this to be ruined again. We wanted to be with each other so badly that our desires hurt. Troy's fingers gazed my stomach, his bare fingers that seemed so smooth caused my stomach to drop. I moaned against his lips as I let my arms reach up because I didn't want this shirt on anymore.

Troy took the hint as he lifted my shirt up and over my head, our kiss only interrupted for the shirt to pass over us. Once my shirt was off, I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull myself closer. I pressed myself against him because I wanted to be so close to him. Troy broke his lips away from mine while he went to my jaw and then he was licking right below my ear, I cried out with passion as I clutched to him tighter.

He groaned at my noise and he then suddenly got up, he carried me quickly to the bedroom that I slept in times ago. He laid me down as he was then pulling off his shirt. I marveled at the tone set of abs, "Gabriella, are we staring?" I nodded, dazed, "For a man who only works…" I let the sentence drag out, Troy smiled as he crawled over top of me again. His hand slipped behind my back and he eased my bra off without effort. The straps came free from my shoulders and he eased the bra away from my skin.

He quickly started to slowly suck on my breast and I clutched the bedspread underneath of me. I forgot how beautiful this was. I forgot how amazing this was. I forgot.

My hands roamed on his chest and I then found his belt buckle while he still played with my nipple, his tongue causing my mind to spin. Once he pulled away, I was able to breath again and my fingers worked his jeans like magic. Once I had them unbuttoned, my fingers went down over his ass when he clutched. I pushed the jeans off his ass again and he kicked them off. "Jesus, Gabi, you are fucking beautiful,"

My mind went to the stretch marks from carrying Collin for nine months. My mind went to my wide hips and the birthmark just below my belly button.

Fucking beautiful.

That was how he described me that caused goosebumps to fly through my body. Troy began to pull my sweatpants off my hips and I grabbed his shoulders gently, "Troy,"

"Hmm?"

"Kiss me,"

Troy grinned as he went down for a kiss, I ran my fingers through his hair and I moaned into his mouth. He broke the kiss as he kissed on my jaw; he kissed my neck in several different places, until he worked to my collarbone. He sucked on my collarbone for a long time, I tried to breathe but he kept going until I was squirming underneath of him. He then kissed both of my breasts before letting his tongue circle my belly button.

I let out a long moan of desperation as he finished pushing my sweatpants off my body. His fingers slipped into my underwear and my thighs tightened from his touch. He eased my legs apart a bit and I tilted my head back closing my eyes when his finger slid inside of me, "Ga-Brie-Ella," he moaned, "So damn wet,"

He took his underwear off and I took my opportunity as I took him in my hands, he stopped from going from his drawer, his condoms stored away ready to use. I stroked him and he tried to hold it together, "You are playing a dangerous game," I smiled as I reached over for his drawer and I pulled out a condom, I sat up as I kissed up and rolled the condom on. Troy held onto my shoulders tightly as I worked up, my tongue meeting his belly button and then I reached up to kiss his collar bone, doing the exact reverse of what he did to me.

"Fuck, Gabi," he breathed; he then pulled me into a crashing kiss. I groaned as he eased away to look at me, "Are you sure?" he was breathless from the last kiss and I only nodded my head because I was at a loss for words. It was too late to turn back now because it was going to happen either way. I didn't know what to say, I wish I knew what to say but I just needed him inside of me.

"I need you close to me, please," I moaned as I squirmed, I squirmed underneath of him as he pushed my legs apart gently and slowly he entered me. Slowly, he pushed himself inside of me and he easily went in and out of me. I gasped from the impact, as it felt so damn good.

Four years of not having this.

Those four years were worth every thing for having this moment with a man I was deeply falling in love with.

* * *

 _Friday, December 12_ _th_ _, 2014_

I fumbled for my cell phone, I already knew what time it was but I couldn't help but check. It was 3:30, the normal time that Collin wakes up to go to the restroom. I blinked once and I realized that I was in Troy's bedroom where I had slept so beautifully so long ago. I realized that I was sleeping next to a man I was surely falling head over heels in love with.

I turned onto my side to see him sleeping soundly, not bothered by a wake up time that his toddler set. He slept on his belly while his eyes were firmly clasped shut. His eyelashes long and beautiful. His arm was stretched out and carelessly tossed over my body as he kept me secure underneath his arms. I scooted on the bed a bit closer to him as I wanted my naked body to press against his. I forgot how beautiful sex was. I forgot how amazing it felt.

Troy let out a long exhale and I looked at him for another moment and then scooted another inch closer. "What are you doing awake?" he mumbled, sleep laced within every inch of his voice. My eyes starred at the stumble growing across his chin forming a shadow. "Collin always has to pee at three thirty in the morning, like clock-work, so I automatically wake up at this time as he moves out of the bed to go to the bathroom."

A small smile played at Troy's lips as he thought about it for a moment, his eyes had yet to actually open as I stared at him, my fingers went to stroking his cheek which finally caused him to open his eyes and look at me. He smiled at me, "Do you feel okay?" he asked, I smiled and nodded my head, "I feel wonderful," Troy smiled as he tucked his arm around me again and tugged me close to him. His body was heat against mine and I breathed against his neck.

"Do you and Collin really share a bed every night?" I nodded my head at his random question, "Yea, ever since Sam moved in with us." Troy exhaled as he turned to face me, "You shouldn't have to share a bed with a three-year old." I shrugged, "It is actually better than you think. I can keep him close to me and every morning we get to snuggle." Troy smiled as he kissed on my neck, "I want to snuggle with you every morning."

I giggled in response, "I can assume you don't snuggle often like a three year old," Troy pulled back with a wicked smirk on his face and shook his head, "Probably not."

"I didn't mean to wake you up, I just wanted to be closer," Troy smiled, "It's okay, I don't mind you waking me up."

I closed my eyes for a moment and then weight of the day fell back onto my shoulders. "I can't believe this day…"

"That was yesterday," he confirmed, "and you need to let it go," he whispered, "Don't let yesterday ruin today because today has been damn well a perfect day." He looked into my eyes and I smiled, "How so?"

"Because, you woke up in my bed at three thirty in the morning. I am a grown-up vs. a toddler and well…grown-ups get to do more fun things when they wake up at three thirty in the morning." I wrapped my arms around his neck and brushed my nose against his cheek as I lifted my lips to his ear. "Dr. Bolton, are you going to do naughty things?"

He eased me into a kiss and then he breathed against my skin, "I think the words Dr. Bolton coming from your mouth is the hottest thing in the world," I giggled in response as I kissed him deeper, harder, and with more passion than the two times before this.

* * *

Troy's POV

I watched her rest peacefully on the pillows, all of her worries and nightmares gone as she slept in my bed. She was lying in my bed, naked. Her body was beautiful and with every stretch mark that she barred only made her even sexier. I wanted to wake her up right now and kiss her until her body was numb for the fourth time. I wanted to kiss her until her lips swelled like balloons. I wanted to kiss her until she moaned my name.

I didn't wake her though. I knew once I got up for work that she would have to get up and face life again. She would have to face Joe and that nightmare. She would have to go back to Collin who wasn't handling this last chemo round well. My eyes twitched to my phone as I reached over to see the time.

6:01

My alarm would go off in nine minutes causing her to wake up and to ruin this moment. When she came to me last night, tears running down her face because her worst nightmare – next to Collin facing cancer, had come true.

I wanted to spend the day with her but work called and I had to go to work.

I turned my alarm on my phone off before it could wake her with a start. I then kissed her forehead briefly but that was enough to wake a resting mother. Her eyes opened quickly and she took in her surroundings, "Hi," I said softly, she smiled at me, no words coming from her mouth. She pulled her arm around and eased me down into a kiss. I groaned into the kiss because having sex with her was the most amazing thing that I had come to find.

I have had sex with a lot of women over the years but she was by far the best. She was the one that I wanted to scream her name for the rest of my life. She was the one who with a single touch could make me go hard. She took control when she wanted to take control and wouldn't have it any other way. She was the one.

"I have to go to work," I said softly, she shook her head and moved her arms to wrap around me, "No, I want to lay in bed with you all day."

"Man, you make that sound appealing," she laughed and buried her face into my chest. "I don't want to leave."

"I mean, you can stay in my bed all day and I would be more than happy to come home to a very naked you but…I have a feeling Collin is going to want his mom today." Gabi sighed, "I love that child but four years without sex sucked."

I laughed, "How did you make it four years?"

"He kept me busy." She answered, she then rolled onto her side and let her fingers trail down my chest, and I leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "You need to go home to Collin," I told her quietly, she sighed, "I know, I just hope Joe isn't there."

"I can call in and go later if you want me to go with you…"

She shook her head, "I'll be okay, and Sam will be there."

I hesitated and I twisted to look at her, "What if you stayed with me for a couple of nights? Joe doesn't know me and doesn't know where I live. It can give you a peace of mind, just until the smoke blows over."

She sat up, dragging the sheet with her and she sighed, "I don't know,"

"Gabi, I want to keep you and Collin safe. We don't know anything about Joe right now besides that he is angry. Just come stay with me for a week or until you talk to him and work it out. Please? I don't want you in any danger." She turned to look at me with tears in her eyes, "Gabi, I didn't,"

She shook her head, "No, you didn't upset me you want the best for me and you want me to be safe. You want my son to be safe." I smiled at her and I pulled her back into my lap as my arms crossed over her. "I care for you, I care for you a lot,"

She turned and kissed me softly, "I need to be going but when you get off tonight, we'll come over."

"No, spend the day here." I got out of bed; I slipped on a pair of shorts and then went to my closet to grab a box. Reaching up, I pulled out a key and then went back to the bed as I sat in front of Gabi. The same key that I had given to her to sleep over and when she returned it I knew I had to give it back to her someday. "Go home, pack, and then come back here. Hell, Sam can even come. I don't want you at that apartment, okay?" She nodded her head and she took the key from my hands, "Thank you,"

I nodded my head and I looked at her and I knew I was in love with her. Everything about me knew I was in love with her but I wasn't going to say that now. I wasn't going to say that as she was sitting naked in my bed, but something in my mind clicked together. I wanted to remember this moment forever. I wanted to remember her sitting naked in my bed, a sheet loosely wrapped around her and her hair in a messy braid that she quickly put together this morning. I wanted to remember how she smelled amazing even when I know she probably hasn't showered since two days ago. I wanted to remember the way there was a small hickey on her collarbone and that I gave it to her. I wanted to remember the need to climb back into bed with her right now and just kiss the fucking daylights out of her.

I loved her.

"I'm in love with you," I blurted, my voice barely above talking level but she heard, her eyes looked up at me, "I'm in love with you because you are a fantastic mother, I am in love with you because even when life is fucking hell you are smiling and laughing. I am in love with you because you are sitting naked in my bed and I don't have this need to have sex with you. I have this need to just be with you and I don't even care what we are doing. I am in love with you because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met inside and out. I am in love with you Gabriella,"

She looked at me with adoring doe brown eyes, she reached over and grabbed my t-shirt and she slipped it on. She then stood up onto her toes and her hands clasped behind my neck, "I couldn't be more in love with you Troy because you haven't taken pity on me. I am in love with you because even in the face of a nightmare you can make me smile. I am in love with you because you want to keep me safe and you want my son to be safe." Tears blurred her eyes and she let her thumb run down my cheek, "I am in love with you T,"

T.

I kissed her softly, "You need a nick name," I whispered to her, "Gabi is a nickname,"

"A nickname just for me," I stroked her cheek, "G seems odd,"

"Yea," she agreed, "Did your parents call you anything?" I asked her, she wrapped her arms around my back and leaned back, "My dad called me Ella,"

"Ella?" she nodded and then she smiled a big smile, "My grandpa called me Briella,"

"Brie," the word slipped out of my mouth and her mouth formed a smile, "I like it," she said, she then leaned up to kiss me again, "Brie," I purred and she laughed, "You better get ready for work and I will go get my toddler so he can destroy your perfect house."

I smiled, "I can not wait."

* * *

Gabi's POV

I kissed Troy again and then I fled from his house, I pulled out my half dead phone and I called Sam.

"Please tell me you got laid,"

I laughed, "After the tears stopped."

"Thank the heavens above! Was it amazing?"

I snorted, "Amazing doesn't even describe it. We had sex three times and each time was better than the one before it. It was magical, mind blowing and it made me question if it was this good before hand or if it was just that good between Troy and I."

Sam laughed, "Probably a mix of both,"

I stopped laughing and I knew she was holding something back, "What is wrong?" I questioned, she sighed, "Joe stopped by this morning. He left his phone number."

"Was he angry?"

"Angry, upset," I sighed and I leaned forward against my steering wheel as I waited for the light to turn green. "I guess I should talk to him."

"You should," I played with my fingers, "Troy wants me to stay with him for the week or until this all blows over and I honestly think that it is a good idea. Joe doesn't know who Troy is and he doesn't know where he lives. Joe knows the apartment and I don't want him just showing up."

"I understand. Are you going today?"

"Yes," I answered, "You don't mind?"

"Not at all. I will probably go stay with Grant to keep Ryan safe. It is a good idea."

"Thank you for understanding,"

"No problem, are you almost home?"

"Be there in two minutes,"

* * *

Once I was settled into Troy's house and Collin was playing, my numbers looked down at the phone number on a piece of paper. I sighed as I dialed it and I wanted a strong drink for this conversation but Collin was downstairs watching a movie and I couldn't drink with just me here.

"Hello?"

"Joe," I answered, "Gabriella,"

"I am returning your call."

"Who is his doctor?"

I scrunched my nose and turned my head, "What?"

"I want to know who his doctor is. I need to talk to him,"

"Joe, you don't,"

"Do not tell me what I can or can not do. You hid my child from me for years and you fucking tell me he has cancer, you expect me to just lay back and do nothing? Huh? I am making sure you are getting him good fucking care and not letting me wither away," I couldn't speak as I shook my head, "Joe, you aren't even letting me explain, you aren't letting me tell you why, you aren't letting me tell you how beautiful Collin is,"

Joe laughed from the other end, "Just tell me who his damn doctor is,"

I rubbed my temple and I looked outside with tears in my eyes, "Dr. Troy Bolton at Denver Children's Hospital, okay?"

Joe hung up after than and I immediately called Troy because who fucking knew was coming his way. Who fucking knew what was going to happen now but I was going to warn him…but nothing happened. He didn't answer.

* * *

Troy's POV

"Bridget, can you please copy these and then discharge room ten," Bridget nodded her head and I stuffed my hands in my pocket as I thought of the millionth and ten things I needed to do next. I went to the next set of papers and began to sign and then order a round of chemo four times to quadruple check my mistakes.

A nurse came to ask me a question and I answered.

My mind then wondered to Gabi who had texted me a couple hours ago letting me know that Co and her were settled nicely into my house away from that man. I took a deep breath and that's when I heard yelling. I tilted my head back to see a man arguing with Bridget. I pressed my lips together tightly and walked out, "How may I help you?" Bridget looked back at me and the man's eyes held venom, "I am looking for Dr. Troy Bolton,"

I frowned, "I am Dr. Bolton,"

The man nodded, "Good, I need to talk to you,"

"May I ask your name?"

"Joe Sampson,"

A tunnel formed and I looked at the mans face and all I could see was Collin now. Collin was this man and I took two steps backwards, I stumbled over words and I nodded, "Yes, uhm, let's go talk in my office?" he nodded and I led him around to the back of my office. He came into the room and he shut the door as I gripped onto my desk. "Apparently, my ex-girlfriend is taking my son here to see you, Collin Montez,"

I nodded my head, as words seemed hard to come by, "Yes, I am Collin's doctor."

"Where did you go to school?"

"Kansas University," I answered back to him, I pointed to my piece of paper on the wall, "Why oncology?"

"I don't speak of that reason,"

He sent a flare towards me and he kept throwing questions, "Can you explain to me Collin's case?"

"Stage four Neuroblastoma, his biggest tumors are in his stomach and spread throughout his body. He has been through four rounds of chemo and has a fifth one coming up in a couple of weeks. After he finishes his rounds of chemo he will have a major surgery to take out as many tumors as possible, after that he will have two more rounds of chemo and then a stem cell transplant with radiation to follow that."

Joe nodded his head, "His mother let him get this way,"

I shook my head, "No, she didn't."

"She kept him a secret from me! Probably abusing the child…" he stemmed and I felt like he had slapped me, "No, you don't know his mother. I have never seen a mom love her son as much as Gabi loves Collin."

Joe laughed, "Whatever, you probably spend five minutes with them." I clinched my fists tightly and I looked at Joe, "Do you have anymore questions?" I asked him, he nodded, "Yes, I do. I need to know if you would help me get sole custody of my son. It is obviously Gabi's fault that it got so bad to a stage four, what parent doesn't realize the symptoms to cancer?"

"They can be confused,"

Joe continued on his rant, "I have to get custody of my child from that woman, hiding him from me for three years only for some bar talk to reveal I have a son. My wife is fucking livid but I can gain custody and take him back to California for the doctors over there to complete treatment,"

My head was spinning as I tried to push words into the air but Joe wouldn't shut up, he kept talking and dogging Gabi. "Enough!" my voice was loud and raw with emotion, "You do not come in here and talk about my patient or his mother that way," Joe almost looked surprised, "Gabriella Montez is THE best mother that has walked through those doors. She was desperate to get her child attention for six goddamn weeks and nobody would listen to her. I finally listened to her and I got her help. I am here and I am treating her son. He will not be leaving my care because I will not sign off on it. I will not let a judge rip the thing Gabi loves the most away from her. I spent countless hours with that family because I am making sure this woman and her son is taken care of. I will not let you come in here and destroy everything that we are working towards."

Joe seemed taken back by my outburst, "I am willing to explain every single detail of his case to you but I will not let you shame a perfectly good mother. I will not back you up. I will not help you gain sole custody from a mother and her beautiful child. Have you seen Collin? Have you met Collin? He adores his mother and he is the most perfect child there is so before you go and demand custody and rip that boy away from EVERYTHING he knows, talk to him, talk to Gabi because I sure as hell know there is more of a story than her just not telling you."

Joe looked at me and he shook his head, "Are you screwing her or something?"

I sucked in a gasp of air, "No," I answered, "I have become close to her and this case because my job is to take care of every patient on my floor. Collin took a special interest in me and I took a special interest in him. I have gotten to know Gabi and Collin very well so please, before you start coming and demanding answers from me, I suggest you talk to Gabi and I suggest you meet Collin."

I bit on my lip as Joe looked down and then he looked back up at me, "Is my son going to die before I actually get the chance to know him?" I blinked at the question because deep down he was already a dad to two children, he knew cancer was scary and I knew once he just talked to Gabi things would be okay. "After this next round of chemo we have scans, I could give you an answer now but it would be skewed by two extra rounds of chemo."

"His odds?"

"I don't do odds."

Joe nodded and I saw him out of my office, Bridget and a couple of other nurses looked at me. My voice rose loudly during that session and Bridget gave me a concerned look. Once Joe was on the elevator Bridget turned to face me, "What the hell?"

"That is Collin Montez's dad,"

"I thought she didn't know,"

"She knew," I confirmed, "She just didn't tell him."

"Why?"

I shrugged, "I don't know,"

Bridget was quiet as she thought about everything she heard, "Are you having sex with her?"

I laughed and I nodded, "I'm in love with her Bridget, I'm in love,"

Bridget smirked, "Oh boy, you are in trouble,"

* * *

I didn't call Gabi and tell her that Joe visited, she had called me and I knew it was probably to warn me he was coming. I didn't call her back, only sending a simple text that I would see her at my house. I looked over at Bridget who was packing up for the day, the nurses getting ready to switch shifts. I packed up my own bag and slung it over my shoulder, my colleague followed suit as the other two were coming in.

Normally, we all worked four to five twelve-hour shifts. We all rotated the twenty-four hour shifts but most of the time, we all picked up more than that. I worked almost two twenty-four hour shifts a week and four twelve-hour shifts. My days off were rare and far between…until Gabi came into the picture. I started to go home more and I started to wrap up my work quicker. I let my colleagues handle the business and if something was wrong I took their calls and helped.

I didn't come in anymore to help fix things.

I wanted my time with Gabi and my family, which was good. I hadn't done this since college. I walked down the hallway when I spotted Joe in the waiting room, I paused to look around and I then looked at him again. "Sir, can I help you?"

He looked up at me and he nodded, "Rumor has it, you are screwing Gabi which would be why you are so defensive, isn't that against some code?" I swallowed hard as I looked at him, "That is actually none of your business. I can certainly help you with any Collin related questions or questions about the type of cancer he has but my relationship with Ms. Montez is firmly not your business."

"So you are?"

I frowned, "I will not answer your question,"

Joe smirked, "Whatever floats your boat but I will ask around to these doctors about Gabi,"

"They will all say the same."

"Sure,"

"I need to go now,"

I went to the elevator, Joe said something more but I pushed past his words and got onto the elevator. I went to the third floor and bailed as I took the stairs. Getting to the staff parking lot, I dodged through several cars until I came to my own. I slipped inside and quickly peeled out of the parking lot.

Once I was on the road to home, I took a few different routes and tapped my wheel making sure he wasn't following me or anything. I allowed myself to think for five minutes about Joe and I was pretty defensive to Gabi but I love Gabi. I didn't know how I could listen to what he was saying to me about Gabi and not defend her.

Once I got to my house, I opened the garage as I smiled at Gabi's car sitting in my driveway. I eased into the garage and shut the door; I picked up all of my stuff out of my car as I went inside to a house that smelled like food. I had never walked into this house and it smell like food. I kicked off my Nikes and I went into the living room to see Collin napping on the ground as a movie was playing on the screen. I crept upstairs and Gabi was moving around in the kitchen, singing a song that was playing on the radio.

Her hips swayed to the music and it caused my heart to beat a pace faster in my chest. I moved behind her and placed my hands on her hips to move with her and she laughed, "Hi," I smiled as I twisted to greet her with a kiss. She smiled into the kiss and she moved to wrap her arms around my neck. "How was your day?" she asked once she pulled away, I breathed a long exhale, "We actually need to talk about my day,"

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good." I shook my head, "Joe paid me a visit,"

She took a step backwards, "He called me asking for your name."

"Yea, he found me," I said quietly, "He was not very happy,"

"I know," she said quietly, "He was pissed off Gabi, he wants to get you for neglect," Gabi pulled away with a gasp and she shook her head, "No, no, I have never laid a hand on Collin. He is my baby and I take damn good care of him,"

"I know," I soothed, I put my hand on her arm to relax her, "I know, he doesn't have case against you but he is going to try and scare you. I already told him damn well that you are a fantastic mother and everybody on the floor knows this. He doesn't stand a chance and he still hasn't even talked to you."

"I should call him,"

"Tomorrow,"

She rubbed her face and I pulled her back into my arms, "Everything is going to be okay, Collin will not be going anywhere." A muffled sob came against my shirt as I rubbed her back gently. "This isn't fair. I decided to keep Joe out of his life for my reasons and he doesn't deserve Collin. Collin is a beautiful boy who only has one parent controlling him. He doesn't need Joe in his life. Joe has a life with two daughters and a wife. I don't want to shuttle Collin between him and I."

She was angry right now as I took her in for a deep kiss, "Calm down," I whispered, she let out a frustrated groan but then went back to kissing me. Her fingers spread over my torso and I breathed into her, "No," I whispered into her ear, "Not now,"

"Why?"

"One, your son is downstairs and two, you are angry about Joe."

"I was upset about Joe last night,"

"Your son wasn't here,"

She sighed and looked downstairs to see Collin still sleeping. "Then can I make out with you at least?" I grumbled because making out with her pretty much required a cold shower in the end. "Or we can take a shower together," she whispered into my ear, I couldn't restraint myself against her. "Gabi, I honestly do not think that is a good idea."

She groaned, "Collin will forever be here and that means that we are going to have to have sex with him nearby! Your house is huge, he just fell asleep, and I have been craving you since you left the bed this morning. I am staying the night and," I had enough so I pulled her into a deep kiss. She gasped against my touch and then frantically started to unbutton my dress shirt I wore to work today. I unlocked something else inside of her last night and the four years that she had nothing, she was trying to make up time for.

Her finger slid around the last button and she pulled it apart from my chest. "If I can't say no to you then we are in trouble," I breathed, Gabi laughed and she pulled me in when her phone started to ring. She shook her head as she continued to undress me but I pulled apart, "Gabi, answer your phone," she frowned at me and her lips were already plump and my dick was already hard but Collin was going to wake up if she didn't answer her phone.

She walked over to the bar and picked up her cell phone, she frowned, and then answered it. "Hello?"

She frowned and then her eyes were full of tears, "No, he can't do that. I have done nothing wrong," she looked helpless as she listened to the other end of the phone, "Susan, I will be there shortly, yes, I have somebody to watch Collin," she was a ball of frustration as I looked at her, I went to my laundry room where I pulled down a t-shirt and slipped it over my head. I then walked over to Gabi as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Tom, please, help me," she was crying harder than before as she begged somebody from the other end. She held her forehead as she cried, "I'll come in, I will, tomorrow afternoon, does that work? I have to get my roommate to watch Collin,"

"Thank you Tom, I will be there tomorrow during your lunch,"

Gabi hung up and she just turned around and sobbed into my chest, "Joe went to Tom of all law firms to help him get custody, he wants custody," I wrapped my arms around her tightly as I soothed her in my grip, "I'm sorry Gabi, I am so sorry,"

"He is my baby," she was hysterical at this point; I easily picked her up and took her to my bedroom. I knew tonight, she wouldn't sleep in here because of Collin but for now, she needed to be somewhere she felt safe. I wrapped my arms around her tightly as I just kept her close. I kept her close so that her body would slow down like mine. "I can't lose him," I kissed her forehead gently and I realized that if something ever happened to Collin, if he died due to his cancer she was going to lose it. She wasn't going to be mentally okay any longer and that scared me.

I clutched Gabi tighter to my skin and I felt the wet tears against my skin. "I'm sorry baby,"

"Will you come with me tomorrow?" I looked back at her and I hesitated, "I don't know Gabi," she frowned and I looked at her swollen eyes that were red from crying, her cheeks stained with tears, "Why? I need you with me,"

My finger stroked her face gently, "I don't know, I am his doctor and things will start to become biased with us as a couple and me as his doctor," I sat up and she breathed out, "Troy, I need you for support. My ex went to my law firm and is requesting to take sole custody of my child from me. He went straight to Tom and Ken; do you know how hard that is to hear? He has money, he is a lawyer as well at a big firm in California,"

She was crying again as the words tumbled out, "All I did was never tell him, I love Collin, I love him dearly, I can't lose him,"

"I am not going to let that happen," I leaned forward to kiss her softly, "I promise but…we do need to talk about something."

"What?" I wiped away some of her tears and her big brown eyes looked up at me. "I should take my name off Collin's case." Gabi frowned deeply, "No, you are his doctor. You are the one who is supposed to take care of him and be there for him."

I sighed, "I understand and I know you want me but I am the head of the department. Whomever I assign the case too will absolutely have to consult me on every single move but it makes it look better when I am not his actual doctor. I have no biased opinion and when I kiss the hell out of you whenever I see you. I can go and be with you during chemo weeks and not actually have to work until they need to consult me. I can be there for you."

Gabi gave me a hesitant look and she shook her head, "I am not comfortable,"

"I am still his doctor, just not officially," I concluded, "This will make it easier for doctors to credit you to you as his mom without having personal relations,"

"Mommy," Collin's voice broke through the house and Gabi shot out of the bed, the words that I had just said gone through the wind because she was worried on one person and that one person was Collin.

* * *

Gabi's POV

I rocked Collin gently back and forth in the rocker that Troy had in one of his spare rooms. Collin was almost asleep against me as I kissed his temple. He shifted and pressed his face into my chest like he did as an infant. "I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry," he whimpered in my chest but soon fell back to whatever demon he was fighting in his sleep. I gently lifted him up and rested him into the bed that was too big for him but would suit him nicely for a couple of nights.

My eyes couldn't leave his small body as he curled into the blankets, a soft snore leaving his mouth. I sat back down to just watch him sleep for a little bit longer. "Gabs," I turned to see Troy in the hallway, he was leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest. "I'll probably sleep in here," I motioned, "I don't want him to wake up and freak out,"

Troy shook his head, "Come here,"

Ever since the phone call, I haven't been in the mood to talk but Troy wanted to talk. "Troy, I am honestly tired," I said quietly, "I know you are but I am no way letting you share a bed with Collin tonight." I frowned, "Troy, I need to be close,"

"Right next door," he pushed the door open to another bed and a small TV in the corner. It was small but it would definitely be close enough to hear Collin but also I would have my own queen-sized bed. I smiled as I looked over at Troy, "Brie, you deserve one night without Collin kicking you in the stomach," he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as I felt my chest well up again, "I love you," I whispered, he breathed pulling me in to him, "It has been a hell of a day,"

"It has," I agreed, "Go get some rest," I smiled as he kissed me softly before I turned into the room. "Wait, Gabi," I turned to look at him as he hesitated, "Do you want to sleep in my room? A much bigger and comfier bed,"

"Troy, you are being kind enough by letting us stay here. This bed will be perfectly fine,"

"Okay,"

I went into the room and I shut the door gently, I changed my clothes and then I crawled into the bed. I was exhausted but once I lay down and my head rested onto the pillow. Thoughts began to run through my head and I was scared. Joe was randomly shoved into my life, Troy and being so sweet and he is amazing, Collin was taking everything that was happening with stride. I didn't understand what was happening anymore.

Tom and Ken sounded worried over the phone about the case and Susan's call was frantic. My chest ached and then I felt his arm slip around my waist, "Shh…" I realized I was crying again, the tears were sobs that were making heart-wrenching sounds. "It's okay,"

Joe was supposed to be a ghost in the hiding. Joe was supposed to live his life the way he wanted to live but here we were, we were in the present and this ghost was now haunting me. Every time I closed my eyes, flashes of Joe holding court papers came, flashes of Collin being torn from me. Flashes of this ghost taking my perfect baby away from me.

My chest ached with the threat of a ghost from my past haunting me until he got what he wanted…and you know ghosts…they don't stop until they get exactly what they came for.

* * *

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	17. Mothers Love

Chapter 17 – Mother's Love

 _A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path._

My mom always told me, one day you will understand Gabriella that I do everything in my powers to protect you from harms way…I would always respond to what she was trying to protect me from and what was she trying to save me from because at a young and naïve age, I thought I was invincible to the world. I was never in any harms way and who was going to get me? What was going to happen to me? I was a young child that had a famous family.

I was invincible.

The day I had Collin…I understood.

My mother was protecting me from the world that we had to live in. The cruel world that could crush a heart in seconds flat. A world where nothing goes right even when we try our damn hardest to make sure it all goes wrong. I was protecting Collin from the painful break of his heart that he would have to experience because of the hardships of life. The heartbreak of people making fun of him because that is what life does now.

I wasn't invincible and Collin wasn't invincible because I learned that when Dr. Troy Bolton told me my son had cancer. I wasn't invincible when my parents died and when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't invincible when my son, my whole heart, ended up sick in the hospital. I wasn't invincible when Collin's dad walked into my life. I understood what my mom was saying now. I understood when I had Collin because I wanted absolutely nothing to harm him.

I wanted nothing bad to happen to him because he was my heart and if something happened to my heart…I wouldn't survive.

* * *

 _Saturday, December 13_ _th_ _, 2014_

Gabi's POV

My whole body hurt as Troy drove his car downtown towards the office building. Ken and Tom were both going to meet with me this morning about Collin's dad and what I could do. He was my son and I had every single right to him, my lawyer brain seemed locked away into a dark hole because I hadn't even thought about everything I knew. I hadn't worked since September and I couldn't think of the things that I would object to in court.

I couldn't think of the families that I saved in almost the same situation. I knew that I had the benefit of the doubt. I knew that enough people could vogue that I took brilliant care of Collin and that he was everything in my life. He was everything to me and I wasn't moving him to California. I wasn't moving him away from his friends and doctors. I wasn't moving away from Troy.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, I shrugged my shoulders, "I know that he can't legally take him away from me. I am his mother, I don't harm him, and he is my child. I wasn't asking him for anything but to leave me alone." He sighed as he reached over to rub my knee, "Have you thought anymore about me taking my name off the case?"

I closed my eyes, "No, I don't want it to happen."

Troy sighed, "Gabi, please, I am going to oversee every action and every order that goes through. Nothing will be different besides the name of the person on the file. I still get to make the final call unless it starts to get messy and I get attached. We need a third person with an unbiased opinion."

"Troy, I have enough on my plate. I really don't need a third party."

My eyes flashed to Collin's in the backseat, Ryan wasn't feeling very well today so I had decided to just bring Collin with me. He was three and could color at my old desk or at somebody else's desk. I let out a long sigh and Collin kicked his legs and danced along with the music. "I will not let Collin go," Troy said, "Dad?"

Troy's eyes flashed up to Collin's eyes in the rearview mirror. His voice seemed to be caught somewhere in his throat. His eyes quickly flashed to mine and I felt tears collect in my eyes.

My throat closed off and Troy swerved but quickly regained his composure, "Dad?" his voice was quiet but Troy cleared his throat, "Yes?" I looked over at Troy and I shrugged my shoulders. Troy was a dad figure to him. Troy played with him and Troy protected him. Troy was going to do everything in his power to make Collin the healthiest little boy all over again. Troy was going to be his dad more than Joe ever could and that's who I wanted to be his dad.

"Where are we going?"

Troy cleared his throat, "Your mom has to meet with some friends,"

"Do you remember Tom?" I asked him quietly, I turned in my seat to face him and Troy was breathing deeply, probably trying to recover from being called a dad when he wasn't a dad. Collin nodded his head, "Yea, Susan?"

I nodded my head and then I faced Troy, "I am so sorry, I will," Troy looked at me, "No, it's fine," my eyes looked at him and I let a small smile come onto my lips as he pulled into the empty parking lot. "I mean I am like a dad to him. I made his breakfast this morning, helped you tuck him in last night, I am a dad to him." Tears welled in my eyes as I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached across to hug him tightly. His arms slid around me, "Thank you,"

He eased me back and wiped away my tears from my cheeks, "I love him Gabi, I love you," I took his hand and I smiled, "I love you too."

"Now, let's go figure this out,"

We got out and Troy went to grab Collin, he giggled with happiness as Troy lifted him out of his car seat and swung him around. He giggled loudly and Troy tucked him into his arm and tugged his beanie down over his ears. I smiled as I slipped my arms around his body and leaned into him. My scarf blew through the wind and Troy reached up to tug my hat down in the ridiculous cold that this December day was bringing.

I laughed, "Troy,"

He smiled as we rushed into the building, Collin loosened his arms around Troy and we got onto the elevator up to the big man offices. "I can stay outside with Collin if you want me too." I looked at Collin who was tired and resting against Troy. His eyes were heavy because he got little sleep last night after complaining of a tummy ache for half of the night. "Sure, I am hoping this is quick."

We walked onto the floor and I could hear Ken and Tom in the back. They were arguing over something, which was a common thing between the two. I squeezed Troy's hand gently and he nodded as I let go and tapped on Ken's door gently. He looked up and smiled as he waved me inside, I opened the door and eased inside. "Hi," I said softly, Ken and Tom both greeted me with hugs and I thanked the both of them again for my paid leave and for helping me with this.

"You created quiet the situation…" Ken said softly, I shrugged, "As a family lawyer, Joe can do nothing. I am not asking him for money, I am not asking him for a single thing, I just have decided that this is what I want. He is my child and I carried him. I am his mother."

Ken frowned, "He is the father."

"What could he get me on?" I questioned, "I have practiced this for a very long time." I said, Tom cleared his throat, "He could request you move to California,"

"And move him from his friends and his doctors that have been treating him for almost five months?"

"And we would fight that stand-point but he has a family in California and you don't."

I frowned deeper, "That makes no sense Tom, my life and Collin's life is here in Colorado."

"Gabi, we understand this is a shock to you and we understand you know what you are dealing with legally but you have to realize that he has a case. You hid his child from him, you moved away, and never told him about it. He comes to find out he has cancer,"

I shook my head as tears were started to be produced, "I didn't know for a while who his dad was, once I knew, I was already here in Colorado working my ass off. I wasn't going to start again. I looked to see that he had gotten married with a child on the way. He had his own life and I wasn't going to spoil that for him. I didn't need to be rescued, I never asked him for money and I never plan on asking him for money. I don't need him,"

Ken sat down by me and rubbed my shoulder, "Gabi, when he told us the case and the names, we kicked him out of our office. He learned that you worked there and he got upset. He knows that we are the best in Denver to do it. You are right, if you are going to never ask him for money, if you are never going to ask him for things then you have a case but he still has a right to his life."

"Then he can come to Colorado and we can work a schedule out for something else but we stay in Colorado and until he talks to me then maybe we can work something out,"

"He seems rather angry,"

"If he would talk to me then maybe he would understand. I would be angry too but I also would want to know why. He just yells,"

"We will fight this Gabi and you will win. You are his mother, you have raised him for three and half years, you take such great care of him but he also doesn't have a man in his life." I frowned, "He actually does…" Tom and Ken looked out the office door and I turned around to see Troy sitting on the floor playing a game with Collin. They were pushing each other's hands and Troy laughed causing a big smile to break over Collin's face.

"Who is he? Will he hurt our case?" I shook my head, "It's his doctor," I said quietly, "We started dating about six weeks ago," Tom and Ken both looked at me pained, "What?" I nodded, "I know, it doesn't look good but we clicked and there was no denying the romance and look at him with Collin," Tom sighed, "He isn't just his doctor anymore is he?"

I shook my head, "Collin adores him and loves him. I love him."

"Gabi, this can't be good…"

"We aren't breaking any rules or laws. The head of the hospital knows that we are in relationship. This affects nothing on the case with Collin. So what that he is my boyfriend and that he is protecting me from Joe because he shows up to our apartment whenever he feels like and I am scared. I am scared that something will go horribly wrong and Troy is protecting me. Troy is the one who is helping me. He works at the hospital and is a fantastic guy,"

Troy looked up and noticed I was crying because he said something to Collin as he got up and came into the room. He smiled at my two bosses and he shook their hands introducing himself and his eyes never really looked away from me long enough. He then came over to hug me and kiss the top of my head, "You okay?"

I nodded my head gently into his chest, "Is this going to be okay?" Troy asked I let go as I looked over at the two men and they nodded, "We have her back. 110%."

Troy nodded, "Good,"

* * *

My eyes stared out the window and I felt my stomach tighten, Troy looked over at me worried again after the long meeting with Tom and Ken. They seemed like we had a good case if it went that far but I didn't want it to go that far. I wasn't prepared to go that far while my child was fighting for my life.

I picked up my cell phone and I pressed it against my ear, Troy looked over at me and the phone rang several times but nobody answered. I sighed and dropped it into the cup holder. "Do you want to go out tonight?" Troy looked over and asked, "I could get Sammy to watch Collin, and she knows the whole protocol,"

My mind wasn't on a date night with Troy or having the night with Troy, it was on something completely else. The thoughts kept blindsiding me as I figured that Troy being his doctor was the best choice but I loved Troy and I loved Collin.

"Do it,"

"Call Sammy?"

"No, put another doctors name on his file," Troy looked over at me and he nodded, "Okay, why the change of mind?"

"You're right. We need a third party to look at the situation because you are biased. You are pretty much his father figure…"

"Do you care if he calls me dad? I didn't know with Joe suddenly in the picture,"

My eyes looked up and then over at him, "Is it fair to Joe? No." Troy looked upset but I shook my head, "I also wouldn't want that title for anybody else. Collin knows you a hell of a lot better than he knows Joe. Joe isn't going to stay here, he has a better job and now I have to tell Collin one day that his dad didn't care enough to make the move here."

"He does have two daughters,"

"And I have a son and a boyfriend,"

Troy pulled back into his driveway and I just needed something, I needed time alone, "Do you want to go out tonight? You have had a hell of a day already." He said quietly, I shook my head, "I just want some time alone," Troy reached over and he grabbed my hand, "Brie, I am not going to just leave you alone. If you don't want to go out…fine but then we are going to eat pizza and watch a movie with Collin." I looked up at him and his eyes held concern, "Okay," I said softly, Troy nodded, "How about you go rest for a little bit and Co and I will bond,"

"Thank you Troy,"

"Of course,"

We both got out of the car and Troy went to grab Collin who had fallen asleep in the back. Troy lifted him out of the car and I walked inside with Troy. The carpet was soft underneath my feet as I kicked off my snow boots.

I didn't make it very far as I settled into the ground because I seemed numb.

Troy then came over and he sat down next to me, "I'm sorry," he said quietly, "That all of this is happening at the same time," I looked up at him and I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair, "You know what, I think that this is all happening for a reason. I don't know the reason but I do know that I have you in my life and that makes me feel a hell of a lot better." He smiled and I reached over as I hugged him. "Thank you for being there for me when I needed you most but you should go to work for a little while." I said, I leaned back to pat his chest and he looked at me, "Are you sure?"

"Yea, come back and we can watch a movie and eat pizza."

Troy hesitated but then nodded his head softly, "Okay,"

He leaned over to kiss my temple while he got up, I heard him moving around in his closet as I moved to his bedroom to take my own nap. Troy was buttoning his dress shirt as he tucked it into his slacks. I crawled onto his bed when he turned around to look at me.

"I can have Sam come get Collin, or I can stay home," he offered again, I shook my head, "Will you just move him into here before you leave? He'll wake me up." I told him, as my eyes were so damn heavy, Troy leaned over to kiss my forehead, "Of course,"

He was gone for a several minutes and he came back with an asleep Collin. He moved him right next to me and he kissed my lips softly, "I'll bring pizza back and we can watch a movie, sound good?" I kissed him back and nodded my head, "I love you Troy,"

"I love you too,"

* * *

Troy's POV

I looked through the pile of paperwork on my desk but all I could think about was Collin calling me dad. It caused a happiness reaction through me but I then thought of Joe coming into the picture at the same exact time. "Dr. B…" I looked up, "The new patient, the terminal one," I nodded, "The mother wants to talk to you."

I nodded my head as I pushed the paper work away as Mrs. Grant walked through the door. I stood up, "Mrs. Grant," I offered kindly; I knew she was in a lot of pain dealing with that her son's terminal disease. "I know that you said you could only do so much to prolong his life, I know that you are very well trained but there is nothing else?" tears were in her eyes and I fiddled with the pen in my hand. "Mrs. Grant, I wish there was more I could do for you and your family. I wish I could cure this stupid disease but I can't." I let out a long breath as I looked at the patient.

"I just love him, I love James so much and his sister adores him. I don't know how we are going to deal with his loss, I hate knowing that it is going to happen, I hate it," she wiped her eyes and I moved around the desk to sit next to her.

"Mrs. Grant,"

"Addison," she said looking up at me, "You told me my child was dying, you can call me Addison," I smiled at her, "Well, Addison, I am so sorry about everything, I can imagine the horrifying pain that your family is going through right now and I wish I could ease the pain but the chemo can prolong his life for a year or two, James has time with chemo and radiation," Addison wiped underneath of her eyes as she wiped her palm against her jeans she was wearing.

"Ben, my husband, and I have been talking about not giving him treatment and just letting him go, if he isn't going to live, I don't want him to be in pain because of the chemo, I don't want him living in a hospital and not spending his last moments on this earth celebrating and doing the things he loves." I bit down on my lip because I advise against this and I never wanted to bring my personal life into work but it was time.

"Addison, did you know I am dating a mom from this floor?" her eyes adjusted to mine and she shook her head, "I didn't," I nodded as I played with my hands, "Her name is Gabi and by God, she is beautiful and stronger than any other woman I have ever met and actually got to know. It is just her. Her parents are dead and she never really told the dad about her son. She didn't want the help of a stranger that she briefly met in college, so when she moved here, she raised her son on her own."

Addison nodded as I looked up at her, "She fought for six weeks to get her son looked at. She took him to countless doctors over the span of six weeks until I found her. I recommended her to a great young friend of me that was an ER doctor. I let it go to that and the next morning, his case was on my desk."

I didn't speak for a moment as I looked up, "I didn't know much about Gabi at that point, I just knew that she was a hell of a fighter for her son. I looked at the scans and I felt something inside of me stir, I actually got angry because I already liked this woman and I knew she didn't deserve it. None of you mothers deserve it." I let out a sigh, "His scans showed me nothing promising. I don't do odds, I never play the odds but I know Collin's odds are not good. He has tumors throughout his body and somehow, his brain has been spared so far but we are using a really rough chemo, he gets so sick every time and I slowly fell in love with his mom and I don't know…"

"I never told her how awful his odds are because I didn't want her to stop fighting for her son," I mentioned to her, my eyes connected with hers, "I don't want you to stop fighting for your son either because if he can hold on for a year…then there could be a cure, there could be a new surgery, or a good clinical trial that could prove miraculous." I took a deep breath, "I want you to give James a chance because I don't want to see you lose him because you deserve him and he deserves a chance at living."

Addison wiped her tears away; "I prayed to God this morning to give my husband or I a sign on what to do. We didn't know if we should keep him here or just let him pass but I think you are right. I think you are beautifully correct because I do need to fight for my son."

I smiled, "Good, if you have any questions…"

"So we do this chemo until the tumors shrink?"

"Well…we do this chemo until the tumors expand and then that means we failed the chemo and have to try again. We have about three things we can try until we run out of options." She wiped underneath of her eyes and I squeezed her shoulder gently, "I am going to fight for you, that is my job but you first have to fight for your son."

"Thank you Dr. Bolton,"

"Troy," I offered, she nodded with a smile, "Thank you,"

* * *

I settled into my car a lot later than I had predicated earlier in my day but I got caught up in a couple of cases and a new one rolled in. I massaged my temples as I drove home as it made me smile that I knew Gabi and Collin were going to be there, it made me smile knowing that when I go home, I actually have somebody there.

I smiled as I picked up my cell phone to see if they were actually still awake. The phone rang three times when she answered, a laugh bubbling from the other end, "Hey," she said, I was surprised but her tone but then I wasn't. I wasn't surprised because she was so resilient. "Hi, I was just wondering if you and Co were still up,"

"Oh yea, we both took a three hour nap today. He is kind of full of energy," I smiled thinking about it, "Did you guys already eat?"

"We ordered pizza thirty minutes ago, it should be here soon."

"Good, I am almost home. I'm sorry that I stayed longer than I said I would,"

"I told you to go to work, I know how much you love it."

I chewed on my lip and nodded, "Yea, something like that,"

She laughed, "We need to talk once Co goes to bed about this whole dad thing, I mean, we kind of talked about it but didn't."

"Yea, of course," I turned into my neighborhood and I rolled up to my house moments later, "I'm here. I'll be inside in a couple of minutes." I hung up and eased my car into park while I closed my garage door. I got out of the car and I kicked off my Nikes at the door as I stepped through when I felt a pair of arms launch around my legs. I stumbled but laughed as Collin giggled. He tilted his head back to look at me, "Dad!"

I smiled as I put my stuff down and I picked him up, "Hey buddy," he wrapped his arms around my neck while I walked into the house. Gabi was putting together a racetrack that his toy cars raced on. Her hair was in a messy bun as it was falling in every direction. Her eyes lifted to mine and she couldn't help but smile, "Hey,"

"Hi," I said to her, Collin wiggled to get down and he went over to help Gabi. I went over to Gabi as I squatted down, she was very concentrated on building the track as I reached over to rub her shoulder. Her head looked over at me as I leaned forward to kiss her, "Ew," Collin muttered, I smiled as I kissed her once more before letting her get back to work. "How are you doing?" I asked I sat down as I pulled another part of the track into my hands to help her.

She sighed, "Better. After I took a nap, Co woke me up and we ate some lunch that we found around here. After that, we played with some of his toys and ran around in the backyard since it isn't too cold today. It took my mind off of everything and I learned that I couldn't take this to court. I need to spend my time with Collin."

I nodded my head wondering if Joe thought the same plans. A knock came at the front door and I stood up, as did Gabi, "I am going to go change," Gabi nodded as she went to the door with cash in her hand. I bounded up the stairs and into my closet. I took off my slacks and untucked my blue dress shirt. I heard the bedroom door open and I turned to see Gabi coming into the room. "Pizza?"

"Yea, I got Collin started," she then came over to pull me into a kiss; her fingers pulled me in as I grabbed her by the waist. "Well, hello," I whispered, she smiled, "I just needed that," I kissed her again as I pulled her into a tight hug. "Are you really okay?"

"I'm okay," she said quietly, "I just need Joe to listen to me for five seconds."

"Of course," I looked at her and I kissed her softly, "I love you," I whispered into her hair, "I love you too,"

I finally changed my clothes into a pair of sweats with a KU long sleeve shirt. I followed Gabi out of the room as I found her hand, "Hey, I think tomorrow we should go out on a date," I told her as we went into the kitchen, her eyes turned back to me, "And who will watch Collin? Sam and Mariah are both in chemo this week,"

I smiled, "Let my sister,"

Gabi shook her head, "Troy, I don't know if that is a good idea. I mean, I loved your sister when I met her but Collin doesn't know her,"

"How about she comes over tomorrow morning? I don't work tomorrow,"

She sighed and shrugged her shoulder; "We need to go back to my place soon,"

"Not until this whole thing is worked out," I protected, she sighed, "Troy, it could be a while,"

"And do you know how happy I was to come home to a house with people actually living inside?" Gabi looked at me with those eyes, "Mommy! I want more pizza!" Gabi turned around and found another piece of pizza as she gave it to Collin. She then turned around to hand me a plate, "I love that you feel that way Troy but we are still in the beginning of our relationship,"

Reaching for her hand I pulled her close to me, "Why don't you just live with me?" I whispered into her ear, "I am crazy about you,"

Gabi giggled, "Now you are stretching things. Troy, we will stay here for the rest of the week and then we are going back. I am hoping to get into contact with Joe, Ken wanted to call a mediation meeting this week so hopefully I can just talk to him about everything."

I nodded and I kissed her forehead, "I'll try that again some other time,"

She smiled and she kissed my nose as she went to sit next to Collin. I smiled as I took a bite of my pizza, I sat down next to Collin when Gabi looked over at me, "Troy, I actually think we need to go back to our apartment tomorrow. He has been instructed by his lawyer to leave me alone before he makes things worse. We will stay tonight and then go back tomorrow," I frowned, "You just said you would stay through the week,"

"I don't know Troy, this is too soon for Collin and for me."

I sighed, "Monday, finish the weekend with me."

I looked up at her and she nodded, "Fine, we will finish the weekend with you."

"Good, I don't really want you to ever go."

She smiled, "And you are starting to sound creepy,"

I laughed and I took her hand in mine, "I'll always be there for you Gabi,"

"Thank you Troy, I do appreciate it,"

* * *

 _Monday, December 15_ _th_ _, 2014_

 _Gabi's POV_

Sam smiled at me as we ate dinner together. "How was your weekend with Troy?" I sighed, "I wish it would have been under different circumstances," I said with a laugh, "It wasn't as fun as I wanted it to be."

"I'm so Joe ruined everything," Mariah said softly, I shrugged, "I should have told him but I need to at least talk to him. I just want to talk to him and let him at least meet Collin. Let him see Collin with me because then he will understand that I am not harming him. I love him."

"I can't believe he thinks you are hurting him,"

"He hasn't even seen a picture of him. He has no idea what Collin looks like."

"And he won't talk to you?"

"No!"

Mariah sighed, "I feel bad Gabi, you don't deserve this right now." I shook my head, "I don't deserve any of this, I mean, maybe I do, maybe I did something or I lost a case and this is my karma, or this is my karma for not telling Joe,"

Collin ran up to me and he smiled, "Momma!"

"What?" I asked, "Can we go play outside? It is snowing!"

I giggled, "No, sorry buddy," he pouted, "Mom!"

"Co, go play,"

He pouted and ran away, I smiled as he ran off and my eyes looked down at my feet, "He basically asked me to move in," Mariah smiled, "He really likes you,"

"I love him," I confessed, "I have never felt this way over somebody." Mariah squealed, "I am so happy for you Gabi!"

"I wish we would have met at the supermarket instead and I could have quizzed him about the oncology ward instead of being the oncology ward." Sam sighed, "I know, I feel so bad for Ryan,"

"You are almost done," I said with a smile, "Cancer is never done," Sam said with a long sigh, "I wish it was that simple but it just isn't."

I looked over at Collin again because the truth seemed to spill out cancer was never done.

* * *

Collin curled into me and I stroked the side of his head gently, "Momma," I didn't realize he was awake as the dark room trapped us in, "Yea buddy?"

"I liked Troy's house,"

"Yea?"

"Yea,"

"I thought you were calling him dad?" I questioned softly, "Dad's come home every night. That's what Kale said,"

"Do you know what Troy is to me?" I asked softly, my three year old shook his head and I kissed his forehead softly, "Troy is the person I love Co, he is my boyfriend," he wrapped his arms around me, "Is he my dad?"

I bit on my lip, "Co, your dad is a very nice man, and he is actually around,"

"Oh,"

"But Troy can be your dad,"

"I like Troy,"

"I'm glad buddy,"

"I'm sleepy mommy,"

"Get some sleep Co,"

"Okay,"

Collin slowly fell asleep while I brushed his baldhead, my phone rung and I jumped out of my skin. I reached over for it and it was an unknown number. I frowned as I slid it over and I pressed the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Gabriella Montez?"

I sat up a little bit, "This is she, who is this?"

The other end of the line was quiet for a couple of minutes, "Megan Sampson," I about dropped the phone as my heart started to race, "Oh, I,"

"So this is real,"

I breathed and I took in a deep breath, "Joe never knew," I confirmed, "Why would you do that?"

"Uhm…" I cleared my throat and I took a deep breath, "I really would like to talk to you, mother to mother."

Megan was quiet on the other end of the line, "Joe will not talk to me and I don't think he would even understand, I just really want to talk mother to mother. Hear me out over a cup of Starbucks, I will pay."

"Joe will be angry,"

"I know I just want to explain my side of this story."

"Can you do Wednesday?"

Collin had clinical on Wednesday.

"Yes," I answered, "in the afternoon, I have an appointment at ten,"

"How about one?"

"Yes, that works,"

"I'll give you thirty minutes,"

"Thank you," I breathed, "I'm also really sorry about this whole mess but I do have a side to this story."

We hung up soon after that but I was still in a state of shock that she called me. I wonder if Joe knew because he had probably been advised by his lawyers to not speak to me. The reason why I was having so many issues getting him to talk to me. I sighed as I looked over at Collin and I kissed his baldhead.

Nothing would happen to him because I would let nothing happen to him. I just couldn't.

* * *

 _Wednesday, December 16_ _th_ _, 2014_

Collin and I waited in the clinic room as he had his blood drawn and we were just waiting for Troy to see him with his new doctor. I got chills on my arm as we were introducing Collin to a new doctor and that made me nervous. I was nervous.

A knock came at the door and then it was pushed open with a tall guy who looked to be right around Troy's age, Troy laughed as he followed him in. Troy was still a couple of inches taller but not much, they almost looked like brothers but I knew they weren't. Collin turned in my lap, as he was sleepy and Troy gave me a smile, I hadn't seen him since Sunday night when Collin and I left his house.

"Co tired?" Troy questioned, I nodded, "He didn't sleep well last night," I said quietly, "He has been off the past couple of days." Troy seemed to nod his head as he wrote something down, he then cleared his throat, "Gabi, I want you to meet Dr. Kyle Whitney," I reached out with my only arm, "Hi, Gabi Montez,"

"And this is Collin?" he asked, I nodded my head, "This would be my Co-man,"

"If it wouldn't be a problem, I would love to do my own exam and then just talk to you," I nodded my head as I went to stand up but Troy stopped me, "I got him," I smiled as Troy took Collin out of my arms and Collin woke up, he grew upset but once he noticed Troy he grinned, "Troy!"

"What's up big man?" he shrugged and Troy sat him on the table, he cried, "No, daddy or mommy," he clung to Troy and I stood up, "Co, this is Dr. Kyle," I pointed to him and Kyle smiled as he came over, "Hey buddy, how are you feeling?" Collin shook his head and pressed his face into Troy's stomach. I rubbed Collin's back, "I told you Troy, he has been thrown off, and he isn't acting the same." My fingers ran down his spine, "How has the eating gone?"

"Normal since the diagnosis, I ask him if he wants to eat food. If he says yes, he eats, if he says no, then we do a feeding," Troy nodded as he looked at Kyle, "I was wrong about earlier, he normally will take any interaction with people but,"

"Bad day," Kyle confirmed, he went over to the cabinet and grabbed a sucker from the top shelf. "Hey Collin, if you let me press around on your belly then you can have this and I know these are your favorite. Dr. Troy told me so," Collin peeked out to look at him with tears in his eyes, "It's okay Co,"

He nodded as he slid away from Troy and Dr. Kyle eased him down as Troy took a step back and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders easing me back against him. "How are you?" he whispered into my ear, I shrugged, "I don't know,"

"You don't know?"

I shook my head and he kissed my temple softly, Co looked over at us and I reached for his hand, "Troy, when was his last scan?" Kyle asked, "About two months ago, we have another one coming up after chemo number five."

"And then we decide surgery or not?" Kyle asked Troy nodded as Kyle wrote something down, "Are you going to change anything that Troy put in place?" Kyle laughed, "Not unless I want him to kick my ass," he responded with a smile, "I am really here to write the prescriptions and when things start to get tough and Troy can't make the decision that needs to be made, then I am here. Mostly, Troy is still his doctor and will be the one conducting behind the scenes,"

"See? I told you not to worry," he whispered, I shook my head ignoring him, "Okay,"

"It was very nice meeting you and I heard you come in Christmas night?" I nodded my head, "Troy's mom had something to do with that."

"Good ol, Lucy," I shook Kyle's hand again and Troy thanked him as he walked out to go see another patient. "Who is he?" I questioned "A doctor," Troy responded, I looked at him with a frown and he chuckled, "My best friend from Med school, are you happy?" I felt relief wash over me, "I thought you looked pretty close in age,"

"He is a year and half younger than me and still jealous as hell that I am the head of the department." He winked and I shook my head at the large ego exploding from his head, "Is Co okay?" I questioned, I was concerned, something didn't sit right with me and Troy sighed, "I'll call you when his blood work comes back," I rubbed my arms and nodded my head, "I am concerned Troy, like really concerned," Troy nodded and rubbed my arms, "You know the drill,"

I nodded my head and Troy pulled me in for a fast kiss, "I have to go, call Bridget if you need something okay," I nodded again and he said good-bye to Co, which caused him to cry, he shook his head and I picked him up, Troy turned back to look at me and he frowned, "You seem off, everything okay?"

"I'm just tired, Co didn't sleep last night." He nodded, "Can I come over tonight? I miss you."

"Maybe, text me when you get off work," he nodded and he left the room, I sighed and I took Collin out of the room and back to the garage where we parked. He was tired but still awake when I buckled him into the car. "Do you want lunch buddy?"

"No," he whimpered, I frowned because I had that meeting with Megan today; I needed to meet with her. Letting out a long breath, I shrugged my shoulders and bit the bullet. Collin was going to go with me and we were going to have to keep this as short as possible.

* * *

I tapped my finger impatiently while Collin looked sick. Something wasn't right. Something wasn't right.

I let my fingers hold the warm cup of coffee close to me but I was so concerned about Collin I could barely think straight. I heard a chime and I turned around to see Megan. Her eyes instantly found mine and I raised a coffee up to let her know I already bought her one. She came over and instantly, her eyes went to Collin. His head was in my lap and his legs in the other chair that we pushed close to us. "That's him,"

I nodded my head as I tugged his stocking cap down, "Yes, this is Collin," Megan looked up at me and then she sighed, "What do you want to tell me? Joe will be pissed once he finds out,"

"I know and I am so sorry that I asked you to do this but I just…I figured if I can tell you then maybe you can change Joe's mind because Collin is already going through so much right now,"

"He told me about the stage four cancer," tears filled my eyes at the thought of the cancer that was invading his body and I just nodded my head, "Yes, Collin has stage four Neuroblastoma that he is being treated for at Denver Children's Hospital. That is just one reason I don't want to get into the court process right now, Collin is very sick and as you can tell, today is a bad day. He isn't feeling well today and I don't want to tear him away from everything he knows."

"Joe wouldn't do that," she said softly, I bit my lip, "He already told me that he wants to take him back to California and work with better doctors to fix his son," I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I thought about everything that I wanted to say to her. "Can I take you back to the beginning?" she nodded her head and I took a deep breath.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I had no idea whose child it was. I mean, I had an idea it was either Joe or this other guy I hooked up with after I graduated law school after Joe and I broke up." I wiped away my tears as I tried to be strong about this and not appear scared, but I was. "When he was born, I knew it was Joe and I had just lost my father. It hurt a lot to know that Collin's dad wasn't there that day but how could I tell two different men that I am not sure whose child it was? So I didn't tell either of them."

"You could have told him afterwards!" Her voice rose in anger and I understood.

"I know, and I went to tell him but then I saw you guys were engaged and you were pregnant with your daughter. How could I do that to him? He finally found somebody to settle down with and was going to become a dad anyways. I would feel awful and I was already doing really well in Colorado. I was doing extremely well. My mom had moved here with me and I was back at work within eight weeks after having Collin to support him. I put him in the best daycare, I never let a guy into his life until just recently who I am very serious about, I take care of my son and when I saw that you guys were going to have a child in California, it scared me because why would you want to leave your family?"

She frowned a bit as she listened, "Why would I want to leave the family that I had grown to here? My clients and friends that I had made here, it wouldn't have been fair to absolutely anybody if I told Joe and it certainly wasn't fair to Joe to not tell him but I grew selfish. I loved having Collin all to myself. I loved coming home every night and cuddling with him. I loved getting to experience all of his firsts and I never had to share him with anybody. I never wanted to share him with anybody and I knew Joe had you and I would have to share Collin. I would have to share him with you guys. I would have to move and I would have to give up the life that I was already giving him here."

She cleared his throat gently, "I know it is a lame excuse and I know deep down I should have called him a long time ago and told him but I was also scared he would reject Collin and I thought it would just be a lot easier to tell Collin I never let your dad in your life instead of your dad didn't want you. I was scared Megan, I am still scared because he is my baby and he is the only thing I have left in this world."

Her eyes lifted to meet mine and she had tears in them, I looked down at Collin and back up at her, "He is my world and when I was told he had cancer, I cried for weeks because losing Collin is my biggest fear in my entire life. Losing Collin will kill me because he is my baby; he is the thing I strive for. After my mom died, it was just us and I know I have to share now. I know I have to let you guys into his life and that isn't a bad thing, I am just scared that I will lose Collin altogether and I can't do that."

"Gabi," Megan said softly, "Joe painted you to be an awful mother but you have nothing but love for him,"

"I am trying so hard to keep his life normal and I feel like if I have to start going to court and I have to start doing all of this, I am wasting precious time that I will never get back. This cancer is nasty and I know his shot of completely pulling through is small so I am _so_ scared, I stopped working to be with him twenty-four seven and he has found a dad figure in his life. Joe can still be apart of his life but please don't let him take Collin away from me. Not yet. If he wants a custody battle, I want to at least wait until cancer is over. I want to wait until Collin is strong again and then maybe we can talk."

Megan smiled, "I understand Gabi, I am selfish about my own babies that I have at home. I don't ever want to share them with anybody and I guess, I thank you, because if I had found out he had gotten another girl pregnant, my life may be very different than what it was."

"Joe wasn't the man for me and I knew he was the one who would do the right thing even if it wasn't so right."

Megan looked down, "I know, I wouldn't let him propose to me because of the baby. I wanted him to want me as a wife and not because it was the right thing to do."

"I'm just scared Megan,"

"I'll talk to him."

"I want Joe to meet him," I encouraged, "I don't want to keep Collin from him any longer. If he wants to meet Collin I am open to a meeting in a setting where Collin will be comfortable."

"Thank you Gabi, for sharing your story with me."

"Thank you for listening," I said quietly, I looked down at Collin and then back up to her, "I have to go though. Collin is not feeling well and I am concerned that he is coming down with something. With chemo in his blood that isn't very good."

She nodded, "Of course. I'll talk to Joe and then I'll call you okay?"

"Thank you, again,"

"Thank you," she said, I picked up Collin and Megan stopped me, "He doesn't look like Joe that much, I mean, I can see it a bit but he really looks like you."

"I know, it was one of the reasons I felt like I should just keep him to me."

She sighed, "We all make choices in our lives for different reasons."

* * *

My phone dinged but I was too worried about Collin, I hand went to his forehead as he wasn't warm but he was puking. It pinged again and I frowned, as he was so pale and tired. He cried a lot when I moved him; it was like the beginning all over again.

My phone then started to ring.

I reached over for it and it was Troy on the other end of the line. "Troy,"

"Hey, I just,"

"Something is wrong, something is really wrong Troy," I was panicked and Troy paused, "Gabi, what is wrong? Calm down and talk to me," my hands were shaking as I was crying, "He is pale, he is puking, he doesn't like to be moved around, and he won't drink that much water,"

"Gabi, is he running a fever?"

"I don't think so,"

"Check," he instructed, his voice was so calm and fluid. I got up as I found the thermometer and I placed it in his ear. Troy quietly waited on the other end of the line while the monitor beeped. I pulled it away as tears welled in my eyes, "It's 103.1,"

"Fuck, Gabi, why didn't you check,"

"I have been watching and he doesn't feel warm,"

"Okay, okay, you need to bring him to the hospital. I will be waiting for you." I was shaking so badly, "Are you still at the hospital," I hiccupped, "No, I am half way to your apartment,"

"Come to the apartment, I am shaking, I can't drive," the tears were running down my cheeks and my chest ached, "Okay, I'll be there in five,"

I nodded as I hung up the phone; I grabbed a bag and stuffed clothes into along with a blanket and pillow. I put our emergency toiletries in our bag as I wiped away tears when a loud knock came at the door. I moved as I opened it up and a frantic Troy was looking at me, once his eyes held mine for a minute, he breathed, his arm wrapped around me tightly and he kissed the top of my head. "It's okay, I promise, do you have what you need?"

I nodded while my fingers gripped his shirt as I tried to breath, "I'll grab Collin," he moved away and I finished grabbing the final things I needed and followed Troy out of the apartment. I locked the door and he already had him buckled in tightly in a booster chair. I got into the passenger side and Troy slipped into the drivers seat. "I already called and they are preparing an ER room for you guys, I will see what I can do about getting you on the floor tonight but we are booked,"

I laughed, "You make it sound like a hotel,"

"Kind of,"

Troy drove faster than I have ever drove to the hospital, "Gabi, I am going to just take him back and run plenty of tests. I'll stay with him but I need you to stay in the waiting room,"

"No, Troy,"

"Gabi, please,"

"Troy,"

"No," his voice was firm and I realized we had switched into patient's mother and doctor mode. I didn't like this mode and when we pulled into the hospital, I barely saw Troy and Collin as I disappeared inside with my bag. I sat in a chair as my chest throbbed with sobs as I sat down in the waiting room. Suddenly, I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea what was happening. I ran my fingers through my hair when my phone rang.

I looked down at it and I realized it was Joe.

"Hello?" I couldn't hide my tears; I couldn't hide the fact that I was upset. "Gabriella," his voice was stiff and I took a deep breath, "How can I help you Joe?"

"I heard you talked to my wife today,"

"I did," I said, "I'm sorry if that caused any trouble to your marriage,"

"She explained it to me,"

"Yea,"

"Are you okay?"

I cleared my throat, "No, I uhm, Collin actually got pretty sick tonight and I am waiting in the ER for information."

"Oh…"

"Joe, I understand that this is a lot to take in but I need you to know that I am sorry, I am sorry that I never gave you a chance to be his dad but right now, I can't let you fight with me over him because he doesn't know you and this cancer shit is awful. It is awful." I started to cry again, "I'm sorry Gabi,"

"I'm sorry too,"

"How about I call you tomorrow and we can talk…I would like to meet him and actually talk to you."

"I would like the same. I'll have more on his condition tomorrow."

"I want to learn about everything,"

"Soon."

"Tomorrow,"

"Yes, tomorrow,"

I hung up and I squeezed the back of my neck as I looked up at the doors that Troy disappeared into when I noticed Kyle flying behind the nurse's station. My chest ached and I slumped back against the chair and I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't want to sit here, I didn't want to be here anymore, and I just wanted to hold my baby.

The tears started again but I tried to stop them only for them to become worse. I then felt a hand on my knee and I turned to see Troy, "Brie," he said softly, I looked at him and he brought me in a big hug, his body pressed against mine as I cried into his shoulder. "Collin is okay," he said, he rubbed my arm, "He is okay,"

He kissed my temple softly as I looked at him; he pushed my hair away from my face as I looked at him. "It's okay," he breathed, I looked at him and he took a deep breath, "Collin has the flu," he said quietly, "His counts are lower but not badly low, he is just sick like a normal boy would be sick," he said quietly, his eyes held mine while I wiped away tears. "It is dangerous though for him to have the flu and have his counts in the balance. He will be here until his fever goes away,"

I took a deep breath because the day had been full of emotions and I couldn't keep up. "He is asking for you though if you are ready."

"I'm not ready," his face was full of concern, "Gabi, what is wrong?" he asked, his hands framed my face and he kissed my forehead softly, "You are shaken up,"

"I was scared, I knew something was off all day and now he has the flu, I never checked his temperature because I never felt him have a temperature. I never thought he felt warm,"

"Brie, this isn't your fault,"

"I have been dragging him around to the lawyers office and the store with me," my throat crumbled and Troy pulled me into his lap as he hugged me tightly. "This isn't your fault," he repeated, "I promise this isn't your fault. He could have contacted the flu from here Gabi," I tilted my head back and Troy wiped away tears, "Everything is okay, but you do feel warm,"

"No," I stood up, "I am fine,"

"Gabi," I looked at him, "Are you feeling okay?"

"I have a headache," I replied, "But I have had a very long day that I just want to tell my boyfriend about and tuck my child into his bed but none of that will happen tonight because my boyfriend was too busy with my sick child who will be stuck in the hospital for the rest of the weekend,"

I was frustrated and upset all over again. I tilted my head forward and I covered my face. "Hey, why are you so upset?" he asked me gently, "I am tired," I breathed, he stroked my face gently, "How about you go and see Collin and I'll stay the night with him,"

"No, he is my son, I don't want to leave him."

"Gabi,"

"Can I see my son?"

Troy just finally nodded his head and he pulled me back into the ER rooms and he was one of the last ones. Dr. Kyle was in their typing into the computer when Co lifted his little head up gently, his port accessed and fluids already going. "Mommy," he whimpered, I went over and I kissed his forehead, "Hi baby boy,"

"I'm sleepy,"

"Sleep, momma is right here," I took his hand and he cried out, "I love you sweet boy, I love you,"

He battled sleep and then he was asleep, "He'll be fine," Kyle said, "He just needs some rest…" his eyes found mine and he gave a little smile, "I think mom is in the same boat, rest,"

"That's what I said,"

"Enough Troy," I snapped, "You can go home or something," Troy frowned, and "You are pissed about something."

"I am not pissed, I am tired because my son is constantly in the hospital, I am frustrated because I can't have one fucking normal day anymore, I am upset because his real dad decided to come into the picture, I am disappointed in myself for letting Collin get like this,"

"Gabi, none of this is your fault. Collin didn't get sick because of you,"

"It's not about this Troy,"

"You know what, you need to just sleep," Troy said, "I think we shouldn't get mad at each other until we are both fully rested, if you don't want to go home or to my house then I'll set you up a cot. You are sleeping before we fight about anything else," I looked at him and my legs gave out from underneath of me as I sat in a chair.

"I talked to Joe's wife today,"

"What?" Troy almost looked angry, "She talked to me," Troy shook his head, "Gabi, that was so stupid, I can't believe,"

"I'm a grown adult Troy, I honestly don't need your help." Troy rubbed his forehead with his fingers and he looked at me, "Okay, Kyle, is there a room ready?"

"No, we do have one on a main level until one is ready,"

"I want a good nurse,"

"Okay, I think Susie is working,"

"No, how about Jace?"

"Sure, I'll talk to him."

Troy thanked Kyle and then his eyes turned to me. "You and I are going to go get a cup of coffee and a bite to eat." I frowned, "No, I am staying with my son." Troy looked at Collin and so did I; he was passed out and probably wouldn't wake up until morning. My eyes went back to Troy because I didn't know why I was so bitter and upset. I rubbed my eyes, "Okay,"

He took my hand and he nodded towards Kyle as I kissed Collin's forehead. Troy followed me out and he took me down to the cafeteria. "Troy, I am fine,"

"No, you aren't."

I crossed my arms frustrated with him and he looked at me, he was in a collared shirt with slacks, he looked fantastic but I was also annoyed with him. "I know you are unhappy Brie,"

"T, I am not in the mood to argue,"

"So you are mad at me over something,"

I bit my lip, "I guess I am mad that you got to go back and be with him, I just want to comfort him and I could have been back there." Troy scooted in next to me and he kissed the side of my head, "Gabs, I saved you from being heartbroken listening to him screaming from anger,"

"That doesn't comfort me Troy,"

"I know, but it went a lot faster when I wasn't looking at you making sure you were okay." He took my hand and he stroked it gently, "I just wanted to be with him Troy,"

"Of course but we don't always let mothers back there and it definitely went faster than it normally does. He is fine Gabs, he is going to be fine,"

"That doesn't mean I am not scared of every moment he isn't with me," Troy pulled me into his grasp and I cried again, "When he is away from me and I know he is in danger, I panic, I hate it because I never know when the last moment might be with him, I never know what will happen. I never know anything and I hate it,"

"Shh…" he whispered quietly, "It's going to be okay," he kissed my temple and I pressed my face into his neck. He wrapped me up tightly as he got my breathing to slow down and my whole body to relax. "I will stay with him tonight."

"No, tomorrow night, maybe but not tonight." Troy tucked a piece of my hair away from my face that was damp with tears, "Okay, I am staying with you,"

"You have to work tomorrow," I said, "No, I am staying with you." He looked at me and I nodded my head as he kissed me softly, "Is that all?"

"Yes,"

"Brie, baby, you do feel warm,"

"No,"

"Gabi, do you feel okay?"

"I'm tired and I have a headache,"

"Okay, c'mon,"

He stood up and he grabbed my hand, "I love you," he whispered as we got onto the elevator. He pulled me in close and he kissed me softly, I leaned my head onto his chest and when we got to a different floor than what I was used too. Troy pulled me along until we got to a shared room. Collin was away from the window and the closest to the door. Letting go of Troy, I went over to kiss his forehead gently, "Let him rest Gabi,"

"I know, I just, I never want to let go."

"I know,"

He eased me back and into the chair, "But we can share this tiny ass chair together," he whispered, I laid my head on his chest and I closed my eyes. His arms wrapped around me and our legs intertwined on the chair and I took a deep breath. His heart beat in my ears calmly and it caused everything to slow down and I loved it.

* * *

Troy's POV

"Jace, man," he turned after doing vitals on Collin, "Will you grab me a blanket?" Jace looked at a sleeping Gabi, her head was resting on my chest, my arm wrapped tightly around her. Her legs were laid over mine and her arms were tucked underneath of her and she was shivering.

"Yea man, I hope she isn't married,"

I laughed, "No, she is my girlfriend,"

"Ohh…special interest,"

"Something like that."

He went out and came back with a blanket. I thanked him as he helped me get it over her as I stroked her hair softly. I couldn't believe she talked to his wife today. I couldn't believe she wouldn't tell me these kinds of things. I came back with the thought that we had only been dating since October. She was trying to keep a distance because she had a sick son to think about and I knew it hurt her when I said no but we needed to do it quickly.

My eyes glanced to the clock and I looked at Collin who was sleeping soundly. My eyes drifted to Gabi who was out after probably spending days worrying about her son. I rubbed her back with my hands and I kissed the top of her head again. Kyle came back in the room and he sat down in a chair, "What did you get yourself into Bolton?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You swore,"

"I never swore, I just said I never wanted too."

"And here we are…"

I ran my free hand through my hair, "Have you seen her?"

"She is pretty but a lot of other girls would catch your attention first," I frowned looking over at him, "No,"

"Yea, she is not your type,"

"What?"

"You are into black hair and green eyes Troy, always have been, but look at her?"

"She is beautiful,"

"She is naturally beautiful, she isn't fake,"

"Exactly…"

"You kind of used to like fake,"

"Kyle," I objected, "Troy, her son has an aggressive cancer!" I sucked in a long breath of air as Gabi wiggled and then she settled against my chest, "I don't care, I don't care Kyle because I love her, I love her and don't ask me what attracted her to me and don't ask me why I did this after years of watching women parade through here needing the same thing she needs, I do not know why but I love her and I was attracted to her the minute she stepped foot into this hospital."

Kyle shook his head, "You got it bad,"

"Kyle, I don't want to argue about it,"

"You told me the third day of med school your story and it was sadder than hell but you needed a friend and now here you are, getting together with a girl who has a kid with a shitty cancer, you swore,"

"Yea well…things change."

Kyle shook his head as he glanced over at Collin again; I bit down on my lip as I rubbed her back and planted my lips into her hair. "I guess I should get back to work, are you staying?"

"Yes," I answered, Kyle nodded and he walked out of the room and I hugged Gabi a little bit tighter.

* * *

Gabi's POV

I woke up and I was tucked against Troy's chest, soft snores were echoing out of his mouth and I smiled as I leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth. He twitched in his sleep and I then went down to his jaw and under his ear where I let my tongue run below his ear.

His hand ran over my back and he squeezed me close to him, I kiss him again under his ear and I worked my way back to his lips as I kissed the corner, and then under, and the next corner, and the top of his lips when he finally let a moan slip through his lips. I giggled and I kissed him squarely on the lips and he smiled, "Well good morning," he whispered, his voice was rough with sleep and I smiled, "Good morning,"

"You are in a great mood," he whispered, his eyes fell shut again and I kissed him again. "I really want to make out with you," Troy opened one eye and his eyes held mine, "Hmm?" I ran my fingers through his hair and I turned to see Collin cuddled up in bed and to also see it was dark outside. It had to be early morning and the sun was beginning to peak around the edges of the earth. "Collin will be asleep for a while longer," I kissed him a bit more and Troy finally woke up a little bit.

"How about we go to your office," I whispered into his ear, "Damn Gabi, I didn't know you woke up like this or I would demand you stay at my house more often," I giggled and he wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close to him. He wiggled from underneath of me and he looked at his wrist, his eyes falling on the watch. "What time does Collin normally wake up?"

"Sevenish, he is sick though so it might be a little later."

Troy grinned, "It's five," I got up and he casually went up the elevator and then to Troy's floor, we walked behind the nursing station and back into the offices. I followed him into the deep part and when he got to his office, he slipped inside and I followed as he quickly shut the door and locked it, he then pressed me back up against the door and he kissed me hard. I gasped at the feeling and he pulled me close to him, his left hand went against the door as his right hand drew me in close.

I gasped when his lips left mine and he trailed his lips down and I smiled, "You are in a good mood,"

"I am apologizing for last night," I said quietly, my lips going back to his but he pulled away gently, "Brie,"

"I was a bitch last night,"

"You were exhausted." He said, his fingers running down my cheek and I looked up at him, his eyes found mine and I looked down and ducked out from underneath of his arm. He grabbed my wrist and I took a deep breath, "That doesn't give me the right to be mean,"

"Gabi, I am not mad at you, there is no reason to apologize,"

"Get mad at me Troy! I shouldn't treat you like that!"

His came over and his hand slipped underneath my chin gently, "I love you Gabi, I also get what you are going through right now and you are so angry at the world and you never let it out. You deserve to let it out and you have nobody to let it out on. I will be that person. I will be the person who hugs you and keeps you close to me when you are sad. I will be the person who loves you even when you are angry at the world. I will be the person who comforts you. I will be whatever person you need me to be Gabi,"

My head turned away from him and he kissed my temple, "The only thing I am mad about Gabi is you went to talk to his wife without even telling me. What if she hurt you? You took Collin?" I wrapped my arms around my chest as I closed my eyes trying to listen to him, "Yes, I took Collin. You were working and Sam is doing transplant and Mariah is out of town before their next chemo so Troy, tell me, who does that leave?"

He sighed, "Okay but why didn't you tell me?"

I sit down on his desk when he came over and he pushed my hair behind my ear, I took a deep breath and my chest ached. I came in here to make out with my boyfriend but instead, I am sitting here trying to come up with the words that I needed.

"He is backing off." Troy let his thumb run on my knee, "I talked to mom because mom's know mom's. You told me once that mothers have this instinct that doctors wish they had but they just don't. I went and talked to Joe's wife because she has two daughters and she got it. She understood what I was talking about and she understood what was happening. She got it and she was able to just talk to Joe. She was able to talk to him and tell him that I love Collin so damn much I never wanted to share him. I told her that I am willing to talk custody but not until after Collin is cancer free."

"Gabi,"

Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at him, "I never want to share Collin with him but I know that I wronged Joe and I don't know what the future holds anymore," He came over and he wrapped his arms around me tightly, his lips pressing into my hair as sobs worked into my chest. "I don't want Collin to be with somebody else, I don't want Collin to have to live in two different households. I want Collin all to myself."

He rubbed my arms up and down, "I know you don't baby, I know,"

"I'm sorry Troy,"

"What in the world are you sorry for?" he asked me gently, "I'm sorry that I dragged you into this life. I'm sorry that I fell in love with you because this is going to only end in disaster." I sank into the chair across from his desk and I buried my head into my hands. Troy was silent for a little bit until I heard his voice, "Look at me," the tears were cold against my warm cheeks and I ignored him. "Gabi, look at me," his voice was more stern, a voice that caused goosebumps to break across my skin.

My eyes lifted to meet his and his features were soft. His eyes suddenly tired as he took two steps forward and he tilted my chin back softly so our eyes met. "Do not apologize for this. Do not apologize for letting me into your life. Do not apologize for falling in love with me because damn it Gabi that is the best thing that has happened to my life in years. You coming into my life saved me from drowning in the world that I live in and I will not be sorry for any of it. I know these circumstances suck but we are on a path that we are destined on and maybe you don't believe that but it's true. You were supposed to meet me. I was supposed to meet you." He took his thumb to wipe tears away and he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "I love you Gabi, nothing will ever change that,"

I breathed in a big breath and I stood up on my weak legs and I wrapped my arms around him tightly. He hugged me back as he buried his face in the crook of my neck and I pressed my nose into his shoulder. "I love you too Troy," He rubbed my back and he pulled back to take another look at me. "Are you okay?" I nodded as I wiped away the rest of my tears as I gained my composure. "Are you working today?" I asked him, he smiled and shook his head no.

"No, I am going to stay with you okay?"

"Troy, you working is staying with me."

"No, that means I am doing one hundred and twenty other things." I smiled and I hugged him again, "I knew the good mood was covering up something," he whispered, I laughed quietly, "I am in a good mood, I just…I have so much going on right now."

"And I am here to make sure you stop to take a breath."

"Thank you," he nodded and he tucked my hair behind my ear, "Do you want to go grab a cup of coffee from downstairs?" he asked, I nodded my head but I did draw him in for a quick kiss. "Thank you Troy, for understanding."

Troy and I walked back out of his office as he slipped his fingers through mine. We went down past Collins room to check on him. My eyes quickly went over to Collin's room to see him sleeping soundly underneath of his blankets. My mind captured the image as I felt my body weaken a notch just seeing him lay in a hospital bed. Sick. Defeated.

He was my sweet boy and he was paying the price for some unknown reason. He was the one being pushed with harmful chemicals that caused him to have no immune system and I hurt for him every single day. He is three and doesn't deserve it. He deserves none of it.

I took in a deep breath as we stepped onto the awaiting elevator and Troy squeezed my hand as I looked at him. I leaned into him and I knew that I needed to call and thank Megan for asking Joe to just listen for five minutes. I just needed him to understand that I wasn't trying to be rude or hateful. I was just being selfish and if you haven't learned already, all mothers are selfish. They want their babies to never feel pain. They want their babies to never get a scratch, a cold, or a bug bite. They want them to unharmed and they want to take every ounce of harm.

Moms don't want their kids to suffer and when they do suffer, moms do too. Moms watch them go through all of this pain and they can't help. I can't help Collin besides being there for him and that causes great pains to rot in my stomach. That causes me to want to throw up. Mother's love is just too much.

"Earth to Gabi," I looked up at Troy with a dazed look and he chuckled, "You okay?"

"Just thinking," I said with a small nod, Troy smiled, "About what?"

"Mom's and their kids,"

Troy pulled me into his arms and I smiled as I buried my nose into his shirts. "You are the best mom in the world Gabi," I smiled into his chest and hugged him a bit tighter, "Thank you for believing in us Troy,"

He didn't respond, just a simple kiss on the top of my head but I was satisfied. I was completely satisfied, well, sort of, I wouldn't be completely satisfied until my baby was cancer free and until then I wouldn't rest.

* * *

 **Sorry I didn't update yesterday! I was just super busy so here is todays update! There won't be another until next weekend!**

 **Have a great day!**

 **Please Review!**


	18. First Glance

Chapter 18 – First Glance

" _When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew." – William Shakespeare_

The day Collin was born was the greatest day of my life. Sure, it was a pain filled day and a lot of moaning and pushing to get a baby out but I saw him and I was in love. His small, fragile body pressed up against mine and I knew right then and there, he was going to be the greatest thing in my entire life. He was going to be my everything and once he stopped crying and he had nursed for the first time, he looked into my eyes and I looked into his and I was in love.

He gave me the tiniest smile before he fell asleep in my arms because he knew that I loved him so much.

He knew.

That is falling in love at first glance.

I didn't need to know everything about Collin before falling in love with him. I didn't need to know every single detail. I just knew that I loved him and I knew that I was going to protect him from everything. Any time the days get rough, I think back to that moment in the hospital.

My mom was by my side and Collin was completely dependent on me, everything was okay.

Then

Death

Cancer

And

Love.

* * *

 _Friday, December 19_ _th_ _, 2014_

Troy took a piece of my cake and I stabbed his hand with a fork, "Ow, Gabi," he said with a laugh, "What? Don't steal my cake,"

Troy laughed, "Are you sure you want to come tomorrow?"

"If I have to go on Christmas, then yes, I am sure. Collin needs to be introduced before he is just thrown in at Christmas." Troy nodded his head, "Tomorrow night, my place," Troy confirmed; I nodded because Collin and Troy watched football at his house last night so we could get Collin more comfortable at Troy's house.

"He'll love my family."

"I hope so."

"I think Marcus is bring his girlfriend Ashley over and Sammy is bring her old flame Cal,"

"That sounds like fun,"

"This is the first time in forever that we have all had another person in our lives."

I pushed my cake around on my plate, "What?" Troy asked, I looked up at him; "Joe and I are meeting tomorrow," Troy paused, as he looked at me, "Gabi," he breathed, "What?" I asked him, Troy put his fork down, "Why didn't you wait until I could be there with you? What if he tries to pull something on you,"

"We are going to Parks to meet," I told him, "I'm not stupid Troy,"

Troy ran a hand through his hair, "That's a lot of people for Collin in one day,"

"I can't really hold Joe back any further,"

"How about tonight? I could be with you and we could go get ice cream. Short."

"No, Troy, I need to do this for me."

He sent me a look and I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know what you want me to say," I told him honestly, "I have lived without a man in my life for a long time. I know how to take care of myself. I appreciate that you are concerned but I also know that I need to do this." Troy sighed and he ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay," I nodded my head and I stood up and I went over to his side of the table. Troy eased his arms around me and onto his lap.

I pressed my lips into his and I breathed, "Mariah has Collin for the night," I whispered against his lips, Troy raised an eyebrow at my suggestion, "My place or yours?" he responded, "I don't have to wash the sheets at yours," Troy laughed as he called for the waiter to bring him the check. He paid for our dinner and then we hurried out to his car. Troy pulled his hand with mine and he drove down the streets of Denver.

"When do you have to pick up Collin tomorrow?"

"When do you have to be at work tomorrow?"

"I actually don't have work but I do have a breakfast thing in the morning," his eyes turned to mine, "Do you want to be my date?" I glanced down at my clothes, "I am not in the appropriate clothing," I told him, Troy smiled, "I can help you with that,"

"Like?"

"I could take you home," I laughed, "If you take me home I will probably stay home. Your breakfast sounds interesting and all…" Troy laughed, "I don't blame you. After my breakfast I am going to sit and do paperwork for a bit and then help my mom cook dinner at my house,"

"If you'll be a doll and just drop me off on your way to this breakfast so I can then go pick up my son." He nodded his head, "Of course," he kissed my knuckles and he then pulled into his house. He shut the garage and we both jumped out of the car. We haven't had this opportunity since the first night. We barely made it inside the house as he pressed me back against the railing, his lips crashed onto mine as I groaned underneath of him.

His hot body pressed into me causing my knees to weakening underneath of me. His hand slipped around my hip as he pulled my groin against his. His lips were so warm against mine as he pulled me up gently and I wrapped my legs around his waist. "Shit, how did I wait so long to do this again," he whispered as he kissed me without letting me respond.

Troy pulled the scarf I was wearing off and the things about Colorado came into play, we were wearing a bunch of fucking layers. I dropped from his waist and I quickly began to shed my coat, jacket, and long sleeve shirt. Troy was doing the exact same thing and then I pulled my jeans off and leggings off underneath of that. My boots were discarded to the side and I peeled my socks off as I was only left in my panties and bra.

Troy then pulled me to the couch in his basement, he collapsed onto the couch and I straddled his lap as he pulled me into a longer kiss. His hands were frantic and touching every part of my warm skin as we pressed up skin to skin. He reached around my back and unclipped my bra as it fell away, he helped me pull the straps away as our breathing was heavy and I kissed him again.

"Shit Gabi," he moaned into my neck and I kissed his jaw and I tried to remember how to breath. "Are you on birth control?" he asked me, I nodded my head into his neck because I was, I never stopped taking it since Collin was born. "Good, I don't want to wear a condom," he broke away from me as he gently eased his fingers underneath the straps of my panties and he pulled them down, I helped him get them off while I reached down to pull his underwear off.

I rolled off his lap so that he could take his underwear off and as soon as he was done, I climbed onto his lap again and gently eased myself on top of him. He moaned and cried out my name, "Sweet Jesus, Gabriella," the way my name rolled off his tongue, he pulled at my hips and he eased me up and down. I helped him as I moved quicker as Troy pressed his face into my chest.

"Fuck, fuck,"

He tried to pull me closer because I understood, the need to be closer; I needed to be as close as fucking possible to him.

* * *

Troy ran his fingers down my arm and I smiled as I rolled into him, "I am so in love with you," he said quietly, I smiled and leaned up to kiss him, "I love you too," Troy wrapped his arms around me tightly and buried his face into my chest. "I never want you to leave my bed."

"Maybe I never will."

I smiled as I kissed him softly, "You are making me weak," he whispered, I pulled back and I stroked his hair, my fingers brushing through his locks as his eyes focused on me. "Do you know I barely know anything about you?" I asked him softly, Troy raised an eyebrow, "What do you not know?"

"What's your middle name?" I questioned, Troy laughed as he rolled onto his side and pressed his lips into my hair. "Alexander," he said quietly, "Did you play any sports in high school?"

"Football, running back," he said quietly, I pushed my head against his chest and he took a deep breath, "Do you Ski?"

"Snowboard," I smiled tilting my head back, "You should take Collin on one of your days off. He wants to learn but I never learned, I came here when I was pregnant." Troy chuckled, "I can do that, after Christmas and as long as his counts are holding up after Chemo,"

"This is his fifth one,"

"I know, scans,"

Troy looked at me, "Any other questions?" Troy asked, I smiled as I leaned my head back, "Uhm…have you ever been in love before?" I asked him, Troy let out a long breath, "Uhm…once but compared to you, it was nothing but lust. I think I thought it was love at the moment."

"Did you graduate in the top of your class?" Troy laughed, "What is this?" I leaned up and kissed him, "I want to know absolutely everything about you." He smiled, "Fine, if you get to ask questions, I get to ask questions," I laughed and nodded my head as he twirled my hair in-between his fingers, "Go,"

"What is your middle name?" he questioned, I smiled, "Rae," he smiled, "Gabriella Rae," I nodded my head as I formed my fingers with his, "That is so damn beautiful," he whispered as he kissed me, "Just like you," I smiled as he pulled back to ask the next question, "Did you play any sports in high school?" I grinned, "I played tennis and I ran,"

"Ran? Damn, that is just as hot," I laughed, "I do not ski or snowboard but I do surf,"

"No shit?" I nodded, "It has been years though but I do surf," Troy grinned, "I am taking you to a beach so I can watch you, I want you to teach me," I smiled and I squeezed his hand, "Uhm, I have never been in love before unless you count Collin. Collin is the love of my life and well…currently it is sixty forty between you too," Troy laughed and he kissed the side of my face, "I can take that," I squeezed his hand again while I thought about the last question.

"I graduated number two in my class," I told him, he rose an eyebrow, "Number two?" I nodded, "Yup, the number one kid in my class aced the SATs and is now a neurosurgeon."

"Damn,"

"I took my good SAT score to get a full ride to Stanford and look where I am now,"

"In my bed with me," he whispered as he kissed me again, I smiled, "You didn't answer my question,"

"I graduated in the top fifty, I had a lot going on in my junior and senior year."

"Yea? Like what?" Troy took a deep breath as he looked up at the ceiling, "That is a story for another day," he said with a smile, I looked at him and I put my head on his chest. "Why don't you ever say anything about your parents?" Troy asked after a moment, it was my turn to stare at the ceiling, "A talk for another day," I whispered quietly, Troy smiled and kissed my temple, "I can not wait until you get to meet all of my family in one setting,"

"I am pretty excited too. I just wish you would have had the opportunity to meet my parents,"

"Well…I know today isn't the day but I can not wait until I get to hear more about your parents," I snuggled into him, "When is your birthday?"

Troy smiled sadly, a reason I didn't understand, "March 20th," he paused to think about it, "I never celebrate on that date though,"

"What? Why?"

Troy sighed, "A story for another day," he muttered, I tilted my head to look at him, "When is your birthday?" he asked after a moment, "Uhm…June 1st,"

Troy kissed my temple, "I'll tell you…just…not tonight. Tonight was great."

Turning into him, I breathed in a big breath, "I love you Troy,"

"I love you too,"

* * *

Saturday, December 20th, 2014

"Co," I said, he looked up at me from the TV and then back to the TV. I walked over and shut it off, my arms crossed over my chest as he looked at me, "Mom,"

"Collin,"

He shook his head and I reached over to turn off the TV. "Mommy!"

"Collin," I said more sternly, he buried his head into the couch and I shook my head as I sat down on the coffee table. I tickled his stomach and he giggled but turned away not wanting to give in to me. Three year olds.

"Collin," he sat up and I pulled him into my arms into a big hug, "No medicine," I laughed, "No medicine, we have a couple of days until medicine," I told him quietly, "We need to talk about something though," I said quietly, "Remember when you asked about your daddy? Like Kelvin?" Collin nodded, "Troy?" I shook my head, "No, Troy is not your dad." He frowned at me, I took a deep breath, and "Your dad's name is Joe,"

Collin looked at me confused, "And he wants to meet you,"

"No, Troy," he protested, I grabbed his hand, "I want Troy," he said as he squirmed in my arms, "Co, baby, listen, we are going to meet him,"

"No, I want Troy," he started to cry and he bolted from my arms. I let him go and I ran my fingers through my hair as I let out a long breath. I let my head fall forward and I shook my head, I then grabbed my cell phone. I just needed Troy to calm me down and get rid of the anxiety that was building in my stomach. I pressed the phone to my ear and he picked up on the second ring.

"Everything okay?"

"Uhm…yea, I am just really nervous and anxious."

"I'm sorry, it will be okay."

"I kind of gave Collin a heads up and he didn't take it well. I am hoping that with Parks it will brighten his mood."

"Well if you need absolutely anything call me and I will be there before you need me." I smiled, "Thank you T,"

"I love you," he said quietly, "I love you too,"

"Just remember, you get to see my beautiful face tonight." I couldn't help but smile, "I am very much excited,"

"Good, I am glad,"

"Have fun doing paperwork,"

"Good luck with Joe,"

"Thank you,"

I hung up with Troy and I went to the bedroom as I knocked on the door gently and then opened it up. Collin was lying on the bed and I crawled up on to the bed closer to him. "Co, do you want to go to Parks?" he looked at me and sniffled, "Yea," he said quietly, I leaned over to kiss his temple, "Are you okay?" I asked him, "I want Troy,"

I wasn't going to tell Troy that Collin wanted him there. I didn't need Troy for this. "I know buddy, after Parks we will go to his house and we will get to meet some of his favorite people. Do you want to do that?" he nodded his head, "But we have to go to Parks first."

"Okay," he sat up and rubbed his eyes, "Are you feeling okay buddy?"

"Yea,"

"I love you soooo much," I whispered into his ear, he looked up and kissed my cheek, "I love you more," I smiled and hugged him closer to me. "C'mon, a chocolate milkshake is waiting for us to share."

* * *

I pulled into Parks and the first thing I noticed was Troy's car already parked. I bit on my lip because really, I was relieved. Deep down, I wanted Troy here for all of this but my pride was way too high to let it actually happen. I moved to the other side and I gently slipped Collin out of the car. He had fallen asleep on the way here but as I moved him he woke up. I kissed his temple softly, "Co,"

He opened his eyes and as I started to go inside, but the first thing I saw was Joe. His eyes found mine and then he looked at Collin lying on my shoulder. I cleared my throat gently, "Joe,"

Collin picked up his head and he turned to look at Joe, he didn't say anything as he looked at Collin's features but his mind got stuck on Collin's baldhead. "It is cold out here, do you think we can go inside?" I asked kindly, Joe nodded and he opened the door to Parks. I walked through and Joe followed me. There was a line to be seated when I readjusted Collin, "Collin, I want you to meet somebody," his eyes looked at Joe and he instantly clutched tighter to me.

"This is Joe, your dad," I said softly, Collin shook his head and buried his nose into my shoulder, "Gabi," Troy's smooth voice entered my ear and Collin's head perked right up. "Troy!" he wiggled down from my grasp and straight into Troy's arms. "Hey big guy," Joe looked between the three of us and I looked at Joe, Joe looked mad as I took a deep breath. "I already got a table," Troy said softly, I nodded as I followed Troy who was tickling Collin.

We slid into the booth but Troy stopped as he stood in front of Joe. Troy was a good five to six inches taller and definitely more built, Troy looked down at Joe but offered a friendly hand out to him. "Troy Bolton,"

"I already met you,"

"You met the doctor me," Troy said simply, "Here, I am boyfriend to Gabi,"

"So you are screwing her,"

"Whoa, easy," I claimed, Co looked at me confused and I ran my fingers over his head. Troy looked frustrated, "Boys, c'mon, this is for Collin," I said quietly, Troy slid in next to me and Joe sat across from us. His eyes went back to Collin, "Hi Collin," he said, Collin turned his head away and I hugged him, "It's okay Co,"

He shook his head and tears welled in his eyes, I pulled him into my lap as I looked at Joe. "Hey, Brie, how about I take him over to the bar and get him a milkshake while you talk to Joe." I looked at Joe and he just nodded his head as I kissed the top of Collin's head. "I'll be over in a bit," I said into his ear softly, he nodded and I wiped away his tears. He climbed into Troy's lap and Troy took him down onto the other side.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, "I tried to prepare him but he is freaked out."

"I'm a stranger, I just…I don't like seeing him closer to another male." I took a deep breath, "Joe, I just, I really do want to apologize for everything. I know what I did was awful," Joe looked at me and laughed, "Awful? Gabi, I could never believe you would do that. I liked you,"

"I know you liked me Joe, I didn't like you the same way."

"So? That doesn't mean you hide my child from me!"

I looked down at my hands and I battled tears, "Joe, who would it have been fair for? I would have had to move back to California where I would only be compared to my father in a courtroom and you were engaged and getting ready to have your own child. You had a life in California and I had a life in Denver," he looked at me, "And I didn't want to ruin that for you. You had a life going and you know what, I didn't exactly know when I found out I was pregnant. "

"Devon,"

"Yea, Devon, I am glad you remember,"

"How could I forget,"

"Joe, I thought about calling you, I thought about it so many different times,"

"Yea, well, it didn't count because you never did,"

"Well now you know,"

"And he has stage four cancer,"

I bit on my lip and I took in a deep breath, "Uhm, yea," I said and my shoulders shook gently, "He does and I am so scared that I am going to lose him Joe, he is everything that I have left in this world. He is the only thing that I have left in this world and I am so scared," Joe looked surprised but I covered my face to hide the tears. I took a deep breath and I wiped underneath my eyes, "Where is your mom and dad?"

"They both died within a year of each other," I said quietly, "I have been working or taking care of Collin the past four years. Troy is my first relationship since you,"

"His doctor?" I nodded, "We hit it off and well…it isn't against any rules. He just switched his name off the case but he is overseeing everything still," Joe nodded his head and he looked at me, "You love him," I smiled sadly, "I love him more than I love anything else Joe, I would never harm him and I fought six damn weeks to get him help but nobody would listen until Troy. Troy was the first person that actually listened to what I needed to say."

Joe ran his hands through his hair, "Gabi, I don't even know what to say,"

"I know Collin is shy and I am sorry but I just…Joe, I can't let you take him away from me yet. I know you are angry and pissed but just…can we let him get through the cancer bullshit before we uproot his life into something else?" Joe nodded his head, "I understand. I was just angry when I said all of those things. I just…I don't understand how I never found out until now."

"Joe, I blocked you from every social media site and every person that knew you. Who in the hell told you about Collin to begin with?" Joe looked at his drink in front of him and I knew he was wishing it were a stronger one. "Devon," he said quietly, I took a big breath, and "I guess I never thought you two would talk."

"I wanted to punch his face in."

I smiled, "Joe, I do want you to get to know Collin, because he is so special. He makes me laugh and smile, he knows how to make my day better and I don't know, he is just an amazing kid. I love him to the moon and back."

Joe nodded with a smile, "He seems that way…can I ask about the cancer? I know it upset you earlier," I smiled sadly, "The whole thing upsets me but yea, you can ask,"

"Is that why he is bald?" I nodded, "Yea, he is getting ready for his fifth round of chemotherapy on the 25th,"

"Christmas?" he asked, I nodded, "Christmas night, we are spending the afternoon with Troy's family." Joe nodded his head, "So what happens after the fifth chemo?"

"Well, we are going to do a round of scans and if those come back better then we will do surgery. Troy debated about doing another chemo between now and then but it will depend on his next set of scans. He will then have a serious surgery that will try to get as many as the tumors as possible, stem cell and radiation,"

"Gabi,"

I looked at Joe, "Yea?"

"I am so sorry that you are going through this, maybe I do understand a little bit,"

"I had no idea how you would react either Joe, I felt like telling Collin when he was older that I never gave you a chance to know you was a hell of a lot better than you didn't want him. I just was so scared and I never intended to make a huge mess,"

"Maybe after Christmas at some point I can come over and hang out with him,"

"After he recovers from chemo,"

"How long does that take?"

I shrugged, "Sometimes he is better by the time we leave the hospital, others it can take two weeks. It depends."

Joe looked over at Collin and Troy laughing, Collin had whip cream on his face and Troy was laughing with him. Troy took a picture on his phone and I couldn't help but smile, "Troy loves Collin, he is the first man I let into Collin's life and I don't regret it."

"They are close,"

"He has called him dad before,"

Joe looked pained, "I'm sorry,"

"It's okay,"

"He is good looking,"

"Thank," I replied, Joe laughed and Troy looked over, "Thank you," I said quietly, "For understanding,"

"Maybe I can come up to the hospital," I hesitated, "That may be a bad idea. He is…twice as bad in the hospital than he is ever out here. He gets really sick and isn't in the best of moods…ever. He doesn't eat, he has to get a feeding tube and it is bad in the hospital. I don't want to upset him further,"

Joe sighed, "I can't imagine either of my girls going through this,"

I battled back tears, "It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, watching him suffer and there is nothing I can do."

"I miss judged you,"

"I miss judged you as well,"

He squeezed my hand and I took a deep breath, Collin turned to wave at me and I waved back. Collin then said something to Troy and Troy nodded as they both came over here. Collin came running over and he stopped in front of Joe. "I'm Collin,"

Joe smiled, "I'm Joe,"

Collin looked over at me and he climbed into my lap, "My favorite color is blue, what's yours?"

Joe looked at me and I shrugged, Joe laughed, "Uhm, I would have to say orange,"

"Like the Broncos!" Joe laughed a bit and nodded, "Yea, Broncos,"

Troy leaned over to kiss the top of my head, I looked up at him and he winked with a smile, Collin then turned to me, "Momma," I turned my head, "My tummy hurts," I frowned and I instantly saw Troy frown, "Where buddy?" I asked, he pointed to a spot and Troy pulled his hands around to his stomach as if to feel for something, "That's his tumor," Troy said, "It might be pressing against something,"

"His main tumor?" I asked, Troy nodded, "Yea,"

"How did you know?" I asked back, Troy looked at his stomach, "I remember by looking at me," Troy reached over and touched my stomach, "It would be about here on you," I felt his fingers gaze my skin and I took his hands away as he smirked. I shook my head and turned back to Joe, "I'm sorry this didn't go as planned,"

"No, it's okay, I got to at least hear his voice,"

"Thank you Joe,"

"No, thank you Gabi, I will call you and see what we can do about a future meeting?" I nodded, "Sure,"

He smiled and he slid out of the booth, he reached across and shook Troy's hand, "Maybe we can get a beer together one night and talk?" Troy reached around and nodded his head, "Yea, sounds like a good plan," they shook hands and then Joe walked out of the bar.

"Are you ready to go to my house?" his eyes landed on Co and I shook my head, "I think I am going to the apartment, he needs some meds and then a nap. I need a nap. I need a break," Troy looked at me concerned, "Gabs, what's wrong?"

I took a deep breath and I felt tears in my eyes, "His stomach hurts because of a tumor and I can't do this right now,"

"How about you come to my house? You guys can take a nap in my room, I have some stuff he can take."

"Troy,"

"No, as your boyfriend, I am going to take care of you. You and Co can take a nice nap in my bedroom and then when you are ready to tackle the world again, I'll be there." I sighed and he smiled, "I'll be there for you, always," he tucked me in a tight hug and I took a deep breath.

"Okay,"

"Good,"

* * *

A finger stroked my cheek and then up to my hair as my eyes fluttered open and I looked straight at Troy. He gave me a small smile, "Hey, my family is going to be here in about forty five minutes," his words were quiet and gentle as I nodded my head slowly.

"When was the last time you slept?" he asked quietly, I took a deep breath, "I don't know, you kept me up late last night," I teased, Troy laughed and he smiled as he kissed my temple softly.

"Do you want to stay the night tonight?"

"I have none of Collin's things." I answered, Troy smiled, and "I changed that I ran to your apartment, sorry by the way, I stole your keys to do this; anyways I grabbed anything he would need for the night. Also grabbed some of your emergency hospital bags,"

"You just want me all to yourself," I whispered, he smirked, "A little bit but really, I want you to get some sleep."

"I'm fine,"

"Lies,"

"Aren't you working tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow night I am on call,"

"Why do you go to work if you are on call?"

"Because Ms. Montez, I work in the oncology ward and there is _always_ an emergency every single night, I believe you caused one of those yourself," I smiled and he pulled his arms across my body. "So it is just easier for you to be there?"

"Yes, and if by chance I am not needed, I mostly get caught up on paperwork and stuff," I smiled, "Explain your schedule to me,"

Troy laughed, "There is no one schedule, and I work almost 80 hours a week."

"What are you scheduled for?"

"Okay, so this coming week, Sunday night I am on call from seven to seven when the attending's are supposed to leave for the day. Most of the time, on call doctors doesn't start until 8 or 9 once the attending on the floor leaves." I nodded my head and Troy sighed, "Then I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday from seven to seven. I get all of Thursday off and then pull the dreaded twenty-four hour shift on Friday. After that, I get Saturday, Sunday, and Monday off before I start a new schedule."

"Shit Troy, how many hours is that?"

"72 hours," he said, "I will work more than that though because when I am an attending then I do stay longer than my twelve hours…until you are there and then I clock out right at seven,"

I smiled and leaned into him, "How do you guys pull of twenty-four hour shifts?"

"I am the only one really, as the head of the department I pull in for a lack of help on the floor. I am only there the last eight hours if I am desperately needed, I mostly sleep in the on-call room."

"So you work and then sleep at night but are there?"

"Yea,"

I sighed, "Do you make bank?"

Troy couldn't contain his laughter, "I would make bank if I didn't have serious student loans still," I shook my head laughing and I kissed him softly, "Do you need help in the kitchen?"

"No, my mom came over and helped,"

"How long was I asleep?"

"A while, Co woke up a bit ago. He is downstairs playing with some toys," I massaged my forehead, "You are a saint,"

He kissed my temple, "I really try for you," I took a deep breath and he wrapped his arms around me tightly, I pressed my face into his chest, "I haven't thanked you for showing up at Parks today," I said, Troy smiled, "I could hear it in your voice that you needed support,"

"Collin needed you,"

"Joe didn't seem too happy with my relationship with him,"

"He was okay, I think he was mainly jealous,"

"He isn't going to fight you?"

"Not yet,"

Troy rubbed my back and then he sat up, I followed his suit and wrapped my arms around his neck, "I love you,"

"I love you too Brie,"

I smiled and I got out of the bed, I went into his bathroom as I adjusted the jeans I was wearing along with the long sleeve shirt. I touched up my make-up with the bag Troy brought over and then went downstairs.

Collin was lying on the floor playing with his cars. "Co, how are you buddy?" he shrugged and played with his cars until they crashed into each other. "Troy is dad," he said firmly, I frowned and nodded, "Okay,"

"Joe scary,"

I bit on my lip and I ran my fingers over his back, "Okay, we won't see him again for a while."

He nodded his head and then looked over at Troy, "Dad," he confirmed with a nod, Troy glanced at me, his breath being held in his chest and I shrugged. "If you are comfortable with it T," Troy smiled, "I am more than comfortable with it."

My phone rang and I smiled at Troy as I stood up, I grabbed it from the table and I answered the phone. "Gabi," Tom's cool voice dropped through the line and I smiled, "Hey, Tom, I was actually going to call you Monday,"

"Oh…about your case?"

"Yea, Joe is backing off."

"Yes, I know, his lawyers contacted me and said you two worked it out for the time being." I bit on my lip, "So is everything okay?" Tom let out a sigh, "I hate that we have to do this over the phone but I know you are busy and we are busy…"

"Tom, what is wrong?"

I walked back into one of the bedrooms and Tom sighed, "Ken and I are splitting,"

"What?"

"We have hit a rocky path and well…we are having to let people go because we just don't have the money anymore." I took in a deep breath, "You are letting me go,"

"We're so sorry Gabi, it was so hard,"

"I'm not bring in my share of money, I understand, I just,"

"We're going to pay for your health insurance for the next three years or until you are able to work again. Ken and I feel awful about all of this because you are going through so much right now."

"You are paying for my son to get better, I'll be able to figure out the rest,"

"Gabi, once you are back on your feet and able to work again, please, call me. You are a damn fine lawyer and I would hire you back on in a heartbeat." I smiled but tears were running down my face, "Thank you Tom,"

"If you have any trouble with the insurance, let me know, we will be sending paperwork to your apartment. Okay?"

"Yea, thank you,"

"Again, I am deeply sorry that we one did this over the phone and two during this time. I can only imagine."

"It's okay, I'll be okay,"

After a few moments, I hung up and I sank down onto the bed. I gathered myself and made sure there was no evidence of tears as I went back out. I was not ruining this night. I had plenty in my savings, plus my parents money that I had yet to actually ever spend because I was just living off my paychecks that I didn't put into my savings. I had enough money but I didn't know when Collin would be stable enough again, I was going to have to go back to work soon.

Troy was playing a game with Collin and I smiled as I went back down, he looked at me but didn't say anything. I smiled at him and squeezed his hand. I was going to be okay.

* * *

"Marcus, Ashley, this is my girlfriend Gabi and her son Collin." Marcus smiled as he pulled me into a hug, "How are you doing?" he asked me quietly, "I'm okay," I answered honestly, "I am excited to be in the same room as the whole Bolton clan," he smiled and I shook Ashley's hand. Collin held on to Troy tightly as Ashley took her coat off and gave it to Marcus as the sister walked through the door. Sammy was the most familiar face out of all of them.

"Sammy," I breathed, she smiled, "I am SO happy you are here," she said tightly hugging me, I laughed, "I am so happy you are here," I mumbled back, "I know you the best,"

"Always," she squeezed me and then pulled back, "This is my boyfriend Cal," I smiled, "Hi Cal," he shook my hand and he quickly struck a conversation up with Troy. "This is Collin," I said softly, Cal looked at him with a smile, "Hi bud," Collin gripped Troy's shirt tighter and I couldn't help but laugh. "Co, this is Troy's sister and brother," he looked at me and I reached over for him. He shook his head and Troy smirked, "Whose the favorite,"

I slapped his shoulder and Troy laughed while I went upstairs to pour myself a glass of wine. I poured it almost full and then took a big drink of it. "How are you doing?"

"Good, we are getting ready for the fifth chemo," I said quietly, "Wait, he has cancer?" Ashley asked coming up, I looked at her and then over at Marcus, "Uh, yea," I said quietly, "He does."

"Oh my, I am so sorry,"

Sammy frowned, "I have to ask that we don't bring up cancer during dinner. My mom doesn't really like what Troy does and stuff, it is really complicated but we want a nice evening right?" we all agreed and I took a deep breath. "Gabi," I turned to see Troy and then two older people standing in the doorway. My eyes filtered to the man, he had salt and pepper hair with a strong set of shoulders. His eyes were the non-mistaken Bolton blue.

He smiled at Troy and then I noticed his mom standing right next to him. I went down the stairs and I smiled, "Mrs. Bolton," I encouraged, she smiled warmly, "It is Lucy dear," I smiled, "Lucy, I am so happy to meet you again,"

"Same to you Gabriella,"

"Gabi," I said with a smile, I then turned my attention to the older man. "Gabi," I said reaching out, but he took it a step further and he hugged me, "Jack," he said quietly, "and I am so sorry for everything that you are going through," I was taken by surprise by what he said, yet, I only hugged him back. "Thank you,"

He pulled back and I squeezed his hand while they turned their attention to Collin. "And who is this big guy?" Collin pulled at his Broncos beanie to shy away, "This is my favorite little man, Collin," I said with a smile, "Co, do you want to meet Lucy and Jack?" Collin looked up at me and then at Troy, "That is my mom," Troy said as he adjusted him to be sitting in Troy's arms. Lucy smiled, "You are such a big boy, how old are you?"

Collin smiled shy, and then he held up three fingers. "Three? Oh my goodness! You look more like you are four," Collin giggled and shook his head, he snuck another look at me and I nodded my head. He squirmed from Troy's grasp, "Dad, come play cars with me," he tugged on Troy's hand and Lucy looked shocked by what Collin just called him. We had only been dating officially for two months but have been with each other so closely for five.

It was hard when Collin was striving for that attention. Lucy bit on her lip as Troy took a deep breath, "Co, how about you start playing, I'll be there in a minute." Collin sighed and nodded as he went into the living room. "It just started," Troy said quietly, "I was going to tell you before it happened, I didn't know how you would think of it." Troy looked at his mom, "He doesn't have a dad, and then I can see why he would adapt to you so quickly."

"He really did." I said quickly, "And Troy has been fantastic with him. He treats him like a son and I have been forever grateful for that."

"It is just weird…"

"He is three and very confused on what is going on," I didn't want Lucy to not like me, I liked her, I felt like I needed her on my side. "Of course, his whole world is very upsetting right now." I nodded and Troy glanced over at Collin, "Brie, if you need me," I nodded my head and he went over to play with Collin, "Lucy, if you don't like it then,"

"No, Gabi, right now, Collin just needs love." I gave her a small smile and she then ventured up the stairs. I took in a deep breath as I fought back tears because I felt like this night just wasn't going well. Sammy came over and put her arm around my shoulder, "You are doing fine, my mom already loves you. This is just…hard for her." I looked at her and I frowned, "Sammy, I feel like there is something I am missing,"

Sammy smiled, "You aren't missing anything. You know everything that you need to know right now."

The sentence puzzled me even further but I let the subject drop between us. Cal came up to Sammy and he whispered into her ear, Sammy smiled and I went into the living room where Collin and Troy were playing on the floor with toy cars. I sat down and crossed my legs as they both looked at me. "What?"

"Can we spend the night?" Co asked, I nodded, "Yea, we can," I said quietly, Collin grinned and Troy let a small smile play at his lips. He was trying to not grin as I took a deep breath, "So Gabi, I would love to get to know you more," I turned to see Marcus and I smiled, "I would love to get to know you more too Marcus,"

"Troy says you are a lawyer," I bit on my lip and nodded my head, "Yea," I answered while biting on my lip. "Do you like it?"

"Love it,"

"Good,"

"Troy says you a teacher and a football coach?"

"And basketball,"

"That sounds like fun,"

"It can be, also can be frustrating."

"The football team isn't the same without me," Troy said, I laughed and he smiled over at me as Lucy and Sammy called that dinner was finished. I stood up and Troy gave me a hand as I went to pull him up but he instead pulled me down on top of him. I laughed as he circled his arms around my waist, "Are you okay?" he asked quietly into my ear, I nodded my head into his neck, "Yea, I'm just really tired today." He rubbed my lower back, "Understood, c'mon,"

He pushed me up and I noticed Collin went with Marcus up the stairs. Collin was talking a mile a minute about football with Marcus. I smiled as Troy took my hand in his as we all settled at the table. We made our plates and I smiled at each of the Bolton's because I cannot remember the time that I sat at a table with this many people. Troy squeezed my knee and I took in the moments around me. I could get used to this.

* * *

"You have been awful quiet tonight," Troy said as his fingers ran down my arm, I shrugged my shoulder and I turned into him. "I told you, I am tired." Troy smiled quietly, "Yea, what we just did does not tell me that you are tired."

I smiled and I pulled him into a deep kiss, he moaned against my mouth. "This kind of never gets old." I told him, he massaged my lower back and kissed me lightly. "I'll get up with Collin tomorrow morning, you need to get some rest."

"Yes sir,"

He turned me onto my side and he pulled me in tightly, I pressed back up against him and I lifted my leg and wrapped it around his. "What are you doing?" he whispered into the side of my ear, I giggled, "Take a wild guess," he groaned against the back of my neck causing goosebumps to travel up my body. Troy reached around to my front and started to play with my nipples. He entered me from the back and I gaped as I pressed back against him.

His hands went lower and I gasped, as I wanted to kiss the living hell out of him. I pulled Troy's hands away and he wondered what I was doing as I pulled off and rolled on top of him as I started to kiss him. My body straddled his as he pulled me closer, our lips meshed together and he let his tongue dance across my mouth. Troy pulled apart and his breathing was ragged, "How did this go from innocent to so completely not innocent."

"Because, I couldn't not kiss the hell out of you," I whispered again, Troy grinned as his slowed the kissing down. He laid me on my back and did everything to make sure that he knew I was loved. Once we were both finished, his laid on his stomach while drawing pictures on my stomach. "I imagine you pregnant with Collin and fucking kicking ass in the courtroom." I laughed and I kissed the side of his neck. "I did kick ass,"

Troy laughed and he drew his finger down my arm and he smiled, "My family loved you."

"I wasn't sure what your mom thought about Collin calling you dad," Troy exhaled, "I don't know, I think she was seriously caught off guard."

"I'm not used to it yet," I mumbled, "Your mom had to be seriously thrown off."

"Troy…am I missing a part of this family? I feel like there is something missing and you aren't telling me," Troy took a deep breath, "Gabi, promise me that you'll wait for me to tell you one day, I honestly wish I could just tell you but a time and a place." I turned into him and he kissed the top of my head, "It's just…it's hard." He whispered, "I understand, I have things too…"

"Yea," he kissed my temple and I battled the sleep in my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

 _Sunday, December 21_ _st_ _, 2014_

Troy's POV

I took a drink of my coffee while Collin ran around in my basement playing with anything he could get his hands on. I picked up my cell phone and I called Sammy, she must have said something to Gabi last night. "Hey! Mom and Dad can not stop raving about Gabi,"

"Did you say something to Gabi last night?"

"About?"

"What do you think Sammy?"

"Oh…did she say something to you."

"She just asked me if there was more to our family story,"

"Why won't you just tell her?"

"I don't want to freak her out."

"It is going to come out eventually,"

"She keeps things from me too Y'know,"

"What?"

"Her parents death."

"At least you know she has no idea what you are even keeping from her!"

"Sammy, it isn't the time."

"When will it ever be the time?"

I paused while I played with my coffee cup, "When I know that she won't completely freak out. It is a lot of news to take in and Collin has cancer. I can not do that to her right now." Sammy sucked in a deep breath, "Okay, fine, just…don't leave her hanging too long. She asked me last night what she was missing and well…I told her you would tell her when the time was right."

"It just isn't the right time.'

"Okay…"

Collin laughed as he crashed two cars together, "Did mom and dad like Collin?"

"Loved Collin," Sammy said, I smiled and laughed, "Good." Collin looked at me and he came running over as he sat down next to me. "Sammy, I have to go. I have a toddler to entertain."

"What is Gabi doing?"

"Sleeping, finally, she was really tired last night."

"She was quiet."

"Yea, I then kept her up for a while,"

"Ew, God, Troy," I laughed and I smiled, "I'll talk to you later Sammy,"

"Bye Troy," I hung up and I looked at Collin, "Play," he said holding up the car, I smiled with a nod, "Of course." We played with our cars and I helped him build a racetrack. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him. "Co. how are you feeling?"

"Good," he answered, "I like being here."

"Yea?"

"Yea," I smiled, "You make mommy smile."

"You make mommy smile," I reminded him, he giggled, "I know, I love mommy,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

Waking up in the large bed is honestly the best thing there is. I opened my eyes and held the pillows tightly to my chest. I thought about everything that went down last night and I let it all go. I let go what Ken told me and I let go the bad evening with Troy's parents.

I was just going to let it all go.

I got up and I went to take a long shower in his big beautiful shower. Being at Troy's house made me feel like my life was normal again. I took my time in the shower, took an extra long time to brush my teeth and comb through my hair as I dressed in a pair of leggings with Troy's KU crew neck. I folded my hair on the top of my head as I went downstairs. I looked around to see that it was empty. I frowned as I went down into the basement when I heard Collin laugh along with Troy.

Smiling, I went down into the basement where this big elaborate racetrack was set up. I smiled as their back was to me. I quietly crept over the track and when I got closer, I wrapped my arms around Troy's neck and he smiled, "Mommy!" I smiled over at Collin as Troy put his hand on mine. "Hey, did you get some good sleep?" I nodded into his shoulder and Collin wrapped his arms around my waist. "Good morning mommy,"

"Good morning big guy, did you and Troy have fun?"

He nodded his head and I let go of Troy but he pulled me down into his lap. Collin came over and climbed into my lap, I kissed on his face and he giggled, "I love you buddy," Troy smiled as he squeezed my legs. Collin giggled and he got up to run around, "He is acting like his spunky self." I answered; Troy wrapped his arms around me tightly. "He has been in a great mood all damn day today. It is technically afternoon as well."

I laughed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep that long."

"I wanted you to sleep that long."

"Co, you need to start cleaning up."

"What? Why?" Troy and Collin both protested at the same time, I laughed, "Because Co, we are going back to the apartment, we are going to get ready for the rest of the day, I also heard a rumor that Mr. Ryan is in need of a visitor today so we are going to visit him." Troy pouted from behind me, "None of this includes me."

"You are on-call tonight. You need to sleep." Troy groaned and pulled me down onto the floor. I laughed as I twisted away from his arms. "I'll see you on Christmas Eve," Troy frowned, "Troy, we need some time apart."

"For what? I could literally see you everyday,"

"You have work all week and this is our last week before chemo."

"So…"

"I'll see you all next week," Troy laughed, "In the hospital," Troy looked over at Collin who was picking up toys and then to my eyes. He pressed his lips to mine and his hand held the back of my head. "I can't do a lot of this at the hospital." He whispered against my lips, I closed my eyes and pressed my face against his collarbone.

"I need a few days with my son."

"I get off at seven on the 23rd, let me take you out on a date." He pushed a string of my hair away, "Actually, sorry, on the twenty-third we are celebrating with the boys for Christmas at Mariah's house. It will be nice for Collin to be around some friends his own age."

"Christmas Eve?"

"You can come over to my apartment and watch Christmas movies with my favorite three-year-old and then help me tuck him into bed. After that…" Troy smiled as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "How about I stay the night at your apartment? I will be with you on Christmas morning and then we can go over to my parent's house." I smiled as I sat up as I watched Collin follow all of my instructions.

"Co, would you want Troy to stay over Christmas Eve?" Collin's face light up, "Yes!" I smiled leaning into Troy, "Sounds like that is your date night." Troy sighed and held my hand, "Fine," I smiled as I kissed his cheek slightly. His warm breath pressed against my skin and I looked at Collin with a smile. Collin smiled back at me and with a tiny glance I knew that everything was going to be okay because Collin knew I loved him.

Troy knew I loved him and maybe I didn't know everything about Troy. Maybe he wasn't forth coming with everything but I loved him and I didn't care about his past that much. I will know when I know.

Troy smiled at me and I smiled back.

* * *

 **Happy Sunday!**

 **Please Review!**


	19. Holiday Traditions

Chapter 19 – New Traditions

" _It's not about what's under the Christmas tree that matters it's whose around it."_

Every Christmas my family did the same exact thing, we first woke up at the crack of dawn and when I was young I would gleam with the cookies that were eaten. I would giggle at the carrots that were half eaten and then I would survey exactly what Santa had left underneath the tree. My parents would sit with each other as they watched me have fun and unwrap all of my presents. A smile never left my lips on Christmas morning because my dad never brought his cell phone downstairs or took any calls.

My mom and I would then go into the kitchen to cook breakfast together and it was always cinnamon rolls and chocolate milk while we watch The Christmas Story on TV. We would cuddle in her bed and after my dad was done cleaning up the living room he would join us. Then things started to happen.

I started to get old and the morning cuddles went away.

My dad got big in the lawyer world and was constantly emailing and doing something on his phone.

I cleaned the living room while my mom made cinnamon rolls.

Yet, we always sat down to watch the Christmas Story together at some point and that became my favorite part. I just wanted to spend time with the people I loved, that's all I wanted to do on Christmas morning so when I had Collin, I vowed to just spend time with him.

Love him and play with all of his new toys that he would smile over. We made cinnamon rolls together and we watched Polar Express, which he loved.

He loved it too and that always made me happy. Just to see him smile always made me happy.

* * *

 _Tuesday, December 23_ _rd_ _, 2014_

"We need details. I feel like it has been forever since we have seen you." Mariah and Sam sat on both sides of me and I laughed, "What details," both of them looked at me and I let a smile lift onto my face. "Oh, I don't know, Collin says that Troy is coming over for Christmas Eve and will be there Christmas morning," I shrugged with a smile on my face and both of the girls grinned.

"Oh my god!"

"What? We had sex and I don't know…we are in this different relationship now. We both want to constantly be with each other. Collin adores him. He lets my mind rest and he gets up with Collin in the morning so I can sleep. I don't know, I just…" I breathed as my heart fluttered, "I definitely love him."

"Gabi that is fantastic, you have changed in the short five months that we have known you into this stronger girl,"

"Is it sad it took a boy to get me here?"

"No, you were strong before but you needed a little bit of help along the way which is not okay. We all know that you could stand on your own two feet and get through this but a happy you is really good." My lips couldn't wipe the smile off and I glanced down to see the three boys playing with their new toys. I breathed and I looked at them, "I kind of want to sneak him over to the apartment tonight but I share a bed with a toddler."

"Yikes, what a cock block," Mariah said pouring the wine into a glass for me. I laughed and I nodded, "A little bit."

"Have him stay the night and go to his place," Mariah added, "Tuck him into bed and then go surprise your boyfriend," I smiled as I turned to look at them, "You wouldn't mind?" I asked, "I feel so bad, I rarely watch the kids."

"We will make sure you start watching the kids more but no, I don't care, but I would need him picked up in the morning tomorrow. We are going to my parents place in the afternoon."

"Oh yes, Co and I have a whole Christmas Eve tradition that starts in the morning." Mariah smiled, "Do that then Gabs, you don't have another person to help you." I smiled looking up at them, "How is Ryan doing?"

"Okay, my parents were nice enough to let me go tonight. We were really hoping he was going to be released but they aren't ready to release him yet." I sighed, "Well tell Ryan that we are thinking about him and that I hope he likes his gifts." Sam nodded and I looked down at Kale and Collin. "Co, do you want to stay the night?" I asked after I took a sip of wine, "Yes!" Kale answered, we all laughed and I nodded. Collin and Kale went running to his room and I smiled.

"I'm glad he is able to smile still with everything going on."

"How do you think he is going to take chemo and also scans?" I nodded, "I don't know, I wish I knew what to expect." I swirled the wine in the glass and I shrugged, "I wish I knew what to expect." Sam sighed, "I know what you are feeling,"

"Kale's surgery is in two weeks and we are nervous," Mariah said, "We are going to New York to have it done." I rubbed my neck, "Do I need to start looking into that?"

"Troy will help you," she answered, "He'll figure out who he thinks is best for Collin's tumors and Troy knows some of the greatest. Our doctor brought him in when we were looking and Troy just knows everybody for that. He is a good doctor Gabi," I wrapped my arms around my body and I took a deep breath thinking about everything. "I just hope that everything happens that is supposed to happen. Joe should get to know Collin and I should get to be happy with Troy."

"Exactly, look at you!" I smiled and they rubbed my shoulder, "You are doing a fantastic job Gabi," I smiled and she hugged me from the side. I looked at the clock, "I am going to get his meds from the car and then I will help you get them ready for bed."

"I am going to find my boyfriend and have sex with him too." I laughed as Sam gave me a glance, "You know, I want to see Grant and you paired together." I laughed as I finished my wine and put the glass in the sink. "Grant and I about killed each other in court one day."

"He tells me he has the most respect for you,"

"He is a nice guy and a damn good lawyer. We are both passionate." Sam smiled, "I want to see it one day."

"Soon, it will be sooner than later."

"I'll hold you to that." I kept my loss of my job a secret and the lack of no income but I wasn't going to let that ruin my Christmas. I was going to go through Christmas and Chemo and then I would deal with it. I still had health insurance so I was going to be okay.

I got his medication out as Sam left; I waved and grabbed his medications. I went inside and went down into the room as Mariah was doing the same with Kale. I sat down on the floor and he shook his head. "I don't want yucky," I sighed, "I'm sorry baby," he cried and I pulled him into my lap, "Once you take your medicine you are able to play all night long. We won't hook you up to anything tonight okay?" he sniffled and I kissed the top of his head.

"C'mon baby,"

I took his water and we eased down the pills that he needed to take, I kissed him after each one and we talked about little things as we finished. "Good job big guy, I am going to pick you up tomorrow morning okay? And then after that we get to make cookies together and watch Christmas movies and drink hot chocolate," Collin smiled, "And Troy will come over and play with us. Does that sound good?" he nodded and I kissed his head.

"Alright, I'll see you in the morning." I kissed him, "I love you Co," he hugged me and I hugged him back, "I love you mommy,"

"Be good for Mrs. Mariah," he nodded and I put him down while I looked at Mariah on my way out. "Giving Kale pills normally takes a fit, I am surprised that Collin does so well." I nodded my head, "We formed a routine and I don't force anything. We talk and I talk him into it. Sometimes we bribe with ice cream or something but we just do it."

"I'm impressed," I smiled and I picked up my things, I grabbed some of Collin's toys so I didn't have to remember them all tomorrow. "Thanks for the night Mariah," she nodded, "I'll call you if anything happens but he seems good,"

"He is great. His counts are fantastic but you know…chemo is next week." She nodded, "Yea, I'll see you in the morning."

"In the morning," I agreed, I walked out as I went to my car. I buckled in and I decided to run to my apartment first.

Once I got home I put a lot of my stuff down and went to change into a sexier pair of underwear and bra. I looked through my closet and I smirked as I found one of his shirts. I slipped it on over my bra and underwear as it hit right above my knees. I put on a pair of skinny jeans with my combat boots. I let my hair down and I grabbed my keys. I darted out the door and I was thankful that Troy gave me a key.

He was probably sleeping because he worked a lot the past couple of days. A smile spread over my lips as I pulled onto the highway because having friends with young kids who had cancer could handle Collin. They were more than happy to give me a free night and I knew I would give Mariah a free night from her two kids so her and Kel could have a good night to themselves. It worked. I knew cancer is what ruined my life but it also gave some serious up-points.

I eased into Troy's driveway as most of the lights were off in the house. I took my keys out and found the key to his house as I ran up to the front door as the wind whipped around me. I slipped the key into the door and I pushed it open. I slid into the house as I took off my combat boots and my jeans leaving them by the door. I went up the stairs and to his room as I peeked in to see him lying on his stomach but he was awake and playing on his phone.

He then pressed something and I knew instantly he was calling my phone. I smiled and knocked on his door, "Sammy," he yelled, he rolled over and his eyes found mine while he pressed end on his phone and his mouth dropped a little. "Uhm," I smiled as I walked across the room, "You are definitely not Sammy," I shook my head and I went over to him as I locked my lips with his.

He breathed as his hands grabbed my hips to pull me closer as I held onto his face. I deepened the kiss while I slid across onto the bed and my legs wrapped around his waist. His hands slid up my shirt and he groaned against my lips, "What have I done to deserve this," he mumbled while his hands slid across my thighs and to my underwear. "Just thank Mariah for watching my kid," Troy pulled me closer and he kissed me. I rose up onto my knees and he pulled away breathing hard, "Holy shit,"

My fingers slipped through his hair, "I figured since we have to share a bed with a toddler tomorrow night that I could surprise you,"

"Fuck yes," he flipped me onto my back and I laughed as I wrapped my arms around him.

* * *

Troy's POV

I ran my fingers through her hair and she kissed on my chest, "Where did you come from," I whispered, she laughed, "I came from my house," I looked at her and I smiled, "I know that but I have never had a girl use my house key, strip before she came to my room and in my t-shirt none the less," she smiled and kissed me again, "You have done so much for me and you did want to go out on a date tonight." I brushed her hair back, "I love you,"

She rested her head on my chest and I wrapped her in my arms, "I love you too," she let out a heavy sigh, "You okay?" I asked, she shrugged her shoulder but didn't say anything more. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Anything you want to talk about?" I asked her, "No," she answered, I kissed her forehead and she turned over to face me, her brown eyes held something that I saw in a lot of mothers who came through the oncology ward. "I'm not ready for chemo week,"

"I took most of the week off," Gabi sat up quickly, "What?" I laughed and I held my fingers around her wrist, "I took most of the week off so I can spend it with you during the week so you aren't alone." I could see the tears forming in her eyes, "Troy, you on the floor is enough."

"But then they can't take me from you. You are important to me. Collin is important to me." She covered her eyes with her hands and I pried her hands away from her face. "I am due for a break anyways, I am working Christmas night and the day after but then I am yours until scan day," she reached over and wrapped her arms around me. Her naked body pressed against mine and I hugged her back. "You are the best boyfriend."

I smiled, "I have this cool girlfriend who shows up to my house and strips down and has really hot sex with me," I told her, she smiled as she reached up to run her fingers through my hair. I tilted my head back with a smile and she planted a kiss on my lips. "Collin was more than happy to let me come over here."

"Remind me to get him another Christmas gift," I pulled her closer to me and I kissed her softly, "You need to get some rest," she kissed me again to shut me up, "Are you really passing up more sex for me to get sleep?" I tried to refrain but now she was tempting me. "Don't tempt me." I whispered, she moved to wrap her legs around my torso just like she did earlier and I groaned, "Gabriella," I said, she ignored me as she started to kiss me again. Her lips then went to my collarbone and I closed my eyes.

"Troy, we aren't going to get this chance for almost a week to two weeks, are you really passing this up?" she whispered into my ear, her lips then placed small kisses along my jaw and then to my lips as I finally gripped her and kissed her roughly back.

I couldn't resist her.

* * *

I sipped on my coffee as I read over some case notes when my phone started to buzz on the counter. I picked it up and I pressed it to my ear, "Hey," I answered, "What are you doing today?" I looked down the hallway where Gabi was still sleeping and I smiled, "Spending the afternoon with Gabi and Collin."

"Ohh…" Marcus laughed, "That sounds like fun."

I walked down the hall and I peeked in to see she was still sound asleep. I knew she had to be up soon to go get Collin but I almost debated about doing it for her if she was going to sleep. "Dude," I started and I opened the backdoor as I stepped out into the bitter of the Colorado winter. "She came over last night at like eleven in nothing but my t-shirt," Marcus didn't say anything for a moment, "She did what?" I laughed, "Fuck, Marcus, she has a kid but that doesn't stop her,"

"Where do I find one."

I laughed, "I am actually staying the night at her place tonight with her and Collin."

"Hell, you are moving on to more than the boyfriend. Mom was telling me that Collin is calling you dad?" I sighed as my breath came out in a pocket of cold air, "Sometimes. He doesn't do it consistently but he is also just three years old so I can't blame him. His real dad is also in the picture now too. He is probably just confused." I answered, "Did it make mom mad?"

"No, she thinks the same thing you do." I smiled thinking about Collin, "I love Co,"

"He is a cute kid,"

I went back inside and I took a drink of my coffee, "She is incredible,"

"In what way?" Marcus joked, "She seems to be incredible in more ways than one." I laughed and nodded, "Yea, she is incredible in every way." My eyes looked back down the hall and I ran my hands through my hair. "The best sex I have had in a…long, long time if ever, I mean…surprising me last night." I breathed thinking about it and I thought about her down the hall. "Is she still there?"

"Yes, she has to pick up Collin in about forty-five minutes though."

"Hell dude, you better go," I laughed, "You read my mind,"

"At least a good make-out session,"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow,"

"Oh yes, mom has been preparing for Collin all week,"

"She didn't have too."

"She wants too."

"Bye Marcus,"

"Bye,"

I finished my coffee and then brushed my teeth before going down into the bedroom. I climbed onto the bed and started kissing the back of her neck and down to her shoulder blades. She moved in the bed and I kissed under her ear as she turned her head. "What are you doing?" she whispered, "I figured we don't get to do this for two weeks so…" she smiled but buried her head back into the pillow. I pulled her closer to me.

She laughed as I finally found her lips while I wrapped my arms around her as she breathed against me. "I love you," I said, she kissed me, "I love you too." She rested her head onto my chest and I knew she was falling back asleep again. "You don't even want to kiss me," I complained, "Lies," she said quietly, "I just kissed you a lot last night and you made me tired." I held her in my arms and I let her rest, "I can pick up Collin if you want me too."

"No, we have some stuff to do before you come over. Our Collin and mommy stuff," I smiled at her words, "Like what?"

"We make cookies together and then we do some other stuff." I nodded while I played with her hair, "Okay, well, if you want to take a shower before you leave then it's all yours,"

She smiled, "Are you going to come in there with me?"

I tried to keep a straight face and she smiled kissing me, "C'mon Dr. Bolton,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

Co cut a cookie out with the Santa cookie cutter and he smiled as he licked his fingers, I didn't stop him and I knew which cookies would be his. He stood proudly on the stood next to me as I helped him lay the cookies flat on the tray. I bit on my lip because tomorrow we would be admitted for chemo and I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for him to go through that again. I kissed the top of his baldhead and he giggled.

"You are doing a fantastic job Collin,"

"Thank you mommy," once we were done I put his cookies in the oven and I then helped him wash his hands. He thoroughly cleaned them and then I grabbed his hot chocolate and sat him in front of the TV so he could watch a movie. He settled and I turned on Grinch, which he loved. I returned to the kitchen to finish baking the cookies while he lay on the couch. I hummed my way through the kitchen. A knock came at the door and my eyes glanced towards Collin.

I then turned to open the door. Troy stood on the other side with a smile on his face, "Hey," he leaned in for a quick kiss and I smiled as he looked over my shoulder towards Collin. "How is he doing?" Troy asked he sat down a bag and then another bag as I looked at those, my eyes distracted. "Uhm, good, he is in a really good mood. I have to assume it is because his counts are good." Troy nodded and he followed me into the kitchen.

I finished doing what I was doing and he kissed on the back of my neck. "Sam and Ryan here tonight?" he asked me, I shook my head, "No, they went to her mom's house for Christmas. They weren't sure he was going to get released in time."

"I talked to Mark and he said he was doing okay the last time I checked." I nodded my head as the timer buzzed and I went over to the oven to pull out Co's cookies. "Oh those look good,"

"Don't eat them," I warned, "Collin did those and there was a lot of finger licking involved." Troy pulled his hand back and I smiled putting it on the stove. "He'll enjoy them though." Troy nodded his head and but he eased me up against the fridge as he trapped me in. I laughed quietly as Troy pressed his lips against mine. "I fucking love you," he whispered causing goosebumps to travel down my body. "I love you too."

He kissed me again and I wanted to surrender to a puddle. "Okay, there is a toddler in the room and you are making me very, very weak," I whispered, Troy couldn't let a grin slip from his face, "I am so happy you are letting me come tonight."

"Well if you are going to be his dad figure…" Troy smiled and I frowned, "Troy, we need to talk about something." He nodded and I leaned against the counter while I looked at him, "Are you serious about us?" Troy frowned and he reached out for me, "Of course I am serious," I nodded my head, "Because he is already starting to call you dad and if you aren't serious,"

"I wouldn't let him call me dad if I wasn't serious about you." Troy pulled me close and kissed the top of my head, "I have every single intention of marrying you one day Gabriella," I could barely breathe as he whispered into my ear, "Right now just isn't the time," I laughed pulling away, "You think?"

"I know."

I shook my head and Troy squeezed my hand, "C'mon, we have to finish baking these cookies and then watch a movie with Co,"

* * *

My head rested on Troy's chest while we both watched the Christmas light twinkle on the tree. He rubbed my arm up and down and sighed, "Did you have fun with us today?" Troy nodded, "For the first time in a long time. Normally I just spend Christmas Eve at the hospital and that is fun sometimes, that is the night I see the most mothers cry because they wish they were at home."

"I love that you are letting Collin and I come over to your parents house,"

"Oh that was all my mom," I smiled and I leaned up to kiss him. He rested his beer on the coffee table as his hands slid around my body. "Oh no, I woke up Dr. Bolton," Troy laughed and nodded his head, "You sure did," he kissed me a little bit harder as he eased me onto my back. My legs hooked around him as I pulled him down onto me. He groaned and I pulled away shushing him. "Collin is easily woken up because he think Santa is here,"

Troy rumbled a laugh as he kissed me again, "I don't want to have sex with you, I just want to kiss you." He whispered, "and that is really intoxicating,"

"I'm pretty sure the other night you said you just wanted to kiss too…" I dragged out, Troy pulled back so I could see his smile that he flashed at me, "Oh please, you knew exactly what I wanted that night. You were the one to undress me," I felt my cheeks take flight and Troy tapped my forehead. "You're adorable." I kissed him again, "You don't mind sleeping in a bed with a three-year old toddler?"

"I would absolutely love it." He whispered against my lips, "I have to thank you," I said sitting up, Troy leaned back on his knees, "Thank me for what?"

"You don't care that I am a single mother, you take everything I choose and do with stride. You're okay with cuddling with my child on Christmas morning with me and I don't know, some guys would be freaking out at this point and you seem excited for it." He let a slow smile cross his lips as he reached forward with his hand and grabbed mine, "I want to thank you for letting me in your life," I smiled as he pulled me closer to him.

"Dating you is one of the greatest things in the world and getting to know Collin is the second greatest thing in the world." I smiled and Troy kissed me softly, "You're beautiful," I breathed and I put my hands on his chest, "You are making me weak, I don't know how the hell you did it," Troy smiled and he kissed me again, "Troy," I warned pulling away, he nodded with a smile, "C'mon, maybe if I am in the same room as your child I won't be so tempted to undress you and have my way with you,"

"Fuck, Troy," I crashed my lips to his and wrapped my legs around him, he pressed into the back of the couch as his hand reached up my t-shirt and he pulled back with a surprise, "No bra Gabs?" I shook my head as he took complete, and utter advantage of my braless boobs. "Go to Sam's bathroom," I whispered into his ear, Troy didn't take his sweet time as he moved into Sam's dark room and into her bathroom.

He put my on the counter and it didn't take long as foreplay had been in the works all night. He pulled my leggings off and I reached over for his sweatpants as our lips barely disconnected. He eased my legs open gently, we didn't make a noise despite our heavy breathing between each other. His hands gripped the back of my legs to pull me closer and yes, I wanted to get as close as possible.

* * *

Troy's POV

My eyes lingered on the ceiling and then over to see Gabi and Collin curled up together and my chest ached a little. I quietly got out of bed as I went out to the living room where it had already seemed that Santa had been here. I sat on the couch as I pulled my cell phone out and I dialed Sammy.

"You okay?" Sammy mumbled into the phone, "Yea, I just needed somebody to talk to for a minute,"

"Aren't you at Gabi and Collin's?"

"Yea, I was laying in bed and I looked over at the two of them," my voice stopped as it caught and Sammy sighed, "I'm sorry Troy,"

"No, I'm fine, I just…it took me back."

"I figured. You need to tell her Troy,"

"Sammy, it is a lot and I don't want to freak her out. She already is dealing with Joe and Collin's chemo is next week, how in the hell am I supposed to tell her everything?" Sammy sighed from the other end, "Just don't come crying to me when she finds out and she gets pissed."

"She won't get pissed,"

"How do you know that?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I just do. Now isn't the time,"

"Troy all of those dates are starting to come up,"

"Yes, thank you Sammy for reminding me,"

"This is when you throw yourself into work,"

"Good-bye Sammy,"

I hung up the phone as I rubbed my face and I returned back to the bedroom. I lay on my back and Collin twisted and rested his head on my arm. I smiled as I rested my hand on him and my eyes looked over at Gabi, I couldn't tell her. Not yet.

* * *

Gabi's POV

My eyes opened and I took in my surroundings as I felt myself being squished in my bed. I twisted my head to see Collin with his head on Troy's chest and Troy loosely had his arm around him. I gently sat up as I grabbed my phone and I took a couple pictures of them as tears filled my eyes. Troy was going to be a great father one day; I knew he was going to be a great father just by how he treated Collin. I pulled up my Facebook account and I posted the photo.

 _Times may be tough but God is still showing me how blessed I am to have these two in my life._

I posted it with the picture and I tagged Troy in it, I finally let Joe and all of my old friends back into my life when Joe found out about Collin. A lot of them were sending me well wishes once they saw my posts about Collin. I bit down on my lip as I laid back in my bed, I knew I needed to tell Troy that I had lost my job I just wasn't sure what I was going to do. I didn't have a back up plan besides a lawyer and I had a lot of money saved I just…I felt the stress hit my chest when I rolled closer to Collin and Troy.

Troy flickered his eyes open for a moment and he closed them again and then opened once he register that he saw mine, "You okay?" he asked, his voice was so sleepy and I nodded, "I am just enjoying my two favorite boys cuddling," Troy smiled and he reached over to play with my hair with his hand, he slipped back into sleep quickly there after and I looked at the ceiling fan. His hand still by my hand as I twisted to face both of my boys, I could get used to this.

* * *

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" I felt the bed bounce, "Dad, dad," Collin giggled as I opened my eyes and Troy opened his eyes almost at the same time to see a big smile on Collin's face. "It's Christmas!" I smiled at him as I rubbed my eyes, "Did you see if Santa came or not?" I asked quietly, "No, can I?" I nodded as he flew off the bed and straight to the door. I could hear his squeals of laughter from the bedroom and I smiled as Troy looped his arm around my waist.

"Morning," he whispered into my ear, I smiled as I kissed him, "Morning,"

"Merry Christmas," Troy smiled kissing my forehead and I pulled away, "Mommy! Let's open presents!" Troy glanced at me and I laughed, "Welcome to Christmas morning." Troy squeezed my thigh, "I can't wait." He sat up as I swung out of bed. I grabbed a sweatshirt out of my closet and pulled it on as I went out. Collin was already playing with one of his new toys as I went to put on a pot of coffee. "Dad, dad look at this," Troy turned into the living room when I knew he was heading for the kitchen.

Troy smiled as he bent down to see one of the toy cars Troy brought over, Collin giggled and Troy ended up sitting next to him as they started to play. My chest ached a little knowing that tonight it would all be ruined when we hooked him up to chemo and he had to do this all over again but I prayed hard that this was it.

I was praying that this was our last chemo and next month we could have surgery. I poured two cups of coffee and I took one over to Troy and set mine down on the coffee table. "Thanks Brie," I nodded as I went back to the kitchen to fill a sippy cup up for Collin with milk. I took it over to him and he grinned, "Thanks mom," I sat down on the couch as I took a drink of my coffee. Troy scooted back as he leaned back against the couch, "Co, do you want to pass presents out or play?"

"Presents!"

"Troy can help you read them okay?"

"It's dad mom, he stayed over with us!" I smiled as Troy shot me a confused look, I shook my head, "I'll explain later," I said quietly, he nodded his head and Troy helped Collin pass out all of the presents to everybody. It was a small affair this year but with added presents because of Troy. I played with Troy's hair, as I wasn't used to having presents. My eyes lingered on the two sitting next to me, as I can't remember the last time somebody bought me something for Christmas. I would get office gifts but those were mugs or candy.

My mom's last Christmas probably.

Collin had a joy opening every single one of his gifts. He stopped to play with a lot of them along the way, which I was fine with. I wanted Collin to have fun all day until he couldn't have fun anymore. I wanted him to just be happy. I played with Troy's hair and when Collin was done he looked at me, "Mommy! Santa brought you presents!" Troy turned to face me and I nodded my head, "He sure did,"

"Can I help you open them?" he asked crawling onto the couch next to me, "Of course," I pulled him in my lap as Troy turned around to face us as he pulled the wrapping paper away from the box. Troy rested his chin on his arms as I pulled the top away from the box and I laughed looking over at Troy. "I figured you needed more Bronco wear for when we all go to the Bronco/Chargers game on the 11th," I looked at Troy and he reached over for his bag and he handed it to Collin.

Collin opened it and he giggled, "Momma! Broncos!"

My eyes looked at Troy and he smiled at me, "Troy," he waved his hand, "Co, do you want to go to a Bronco's game?" Collin nodded his head and Troy smiled, "Good, because we will in a couple of weeks," tears filled my eyes and Troy looked up at me. I blinked my eyes as I reached for the envelope, "This is also to the both of you," he said as Troy rubbed my ankle, I opened it up and pulled out the sheet of paper.

 _A trip for three to Steamboat Springs, Colorado on Thursday, January 22_ _nd_ _to Sunday, January 25_ _th_

I moved Collin from my lap despite his protests and wrapped my arms around Troy's neck. "Merry Christmas," he whispered as my tears hit his neck, "Thank you so much, nothing I got you will ever be this good," Troy pulled back to wipe my tears away, "While I'm teaching somebody how to snowboard, you are going to the spa and relaxing," I nodded my head and Troy kissed my forehead, Collin helped us clean everything up after Troy opened his gifts.

I had gotten him a picture of us three for this desk at work and a promise to help him fill his empty, blue house. Troy smiled and thanked me as we cleaned. Collin and I then made cinnamon rolls together as I sat him down to watch Polar Express. Troy was helping clean the kitchen up as I went in there and hugged him again. "What's this for?" I titled my head back, "for those gifts, those are the first Christmas gifts I have gotten since my mom died and they were amazing."

Troy frowned at my statement, "Brie,"

"What?"

"I hate thinking that you haven't been shown the love that you deserve," I smiled at him, "T, waking up with Collin every Christmas was a gift. I love seeing how excited he gets every Christmas morning, his smile was always a present." Troy rubbed my arm gently and he kissed me, "I love you,"

"I love you too," I whispered and I rested my head on his chest. His strong arms held me in and I breathed, maybe this wasn't the Christmas tradition that Collin was used to but it was a Christmas tradition none the less that I wanted to continue. I loved waking up with Troy and Collin in the same room. The feeling of presents and the thought of getting to spend more time with them, tears blurred my eyes just thinking about it all.

The timer dinged on the oven but I could smell the cinnamon rolls in the air and boy did they smell good. I released Troy and he went back into the living room with Co. They opened some toys while I finished breakfast and then we would have to get ready for hospital and Troy's parents house. We had so much to do but I also loved knowing that my son was going to be loved on this day. I bit on my lip watching them play and the sound of Troy's laugh with Collin's.

I think I liked this new tradition a hell of a lot more.

* * *

 **HELLO! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **OKAY! I know…you all WANT to know what is in Troy's past and you will find out SOON. Some of you have tried to guess and it's fun to see what you guys think! I know there is about five to six more chapters before you actually find out but you start getting bigger hints along the way. I hope you are all LOVING it.**

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	20. Enough

Chapter 20 - Enough

 _There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough._

Ever since I lost my mom I knew I was in this world alone with my little baby. I knew that I had to be strong and fight for everything myself. I have fought every day, twenty-four hours a day to take care of my son. I don't let people push me over, I don't let people win when I think I am right, I don't let people tell me what to do with my son. I am his mother and I am in control of him.

Yet

The day he was diagnosed with cancer I began a fight that wasn't going down without a fight. I am having to fight so fucking hard everyday to make sure that my son is getting adequate care and that he isn't going to die. I am fighting for my son's life and I forgot to fight for me somewhere along the way.

I forgot that I mattered too. I also realized I am nothing without my son.

A difficult balance of trying so hard to save the one person you'll take a bullet for and making sure you're okay in the end. The pressure that builds to be perfect. The pressure that pushes to make you go further. The pressure may just be too much for one girl.

* * *

 _Friday, December 26_ _th_ _, 2014_

"No, mom, no," Collin turned away from me and I bit on my lip as he was already feeling horrible. After our Christmas party with the Bolton's, Troy got ready for work while I got Collin ready for his chemo week. Troy carried in a screaming Collin but wasn't upset, embarrassed, he just smiled while trying to calm him down while I tried to not meet other peoples stares as we walked through the doors on Christmas night.

"Co," I begged, I was trying to get him to eat something but he was refusing, "No, I don't want you mommy!" I closed my eyes and I nodded, "Okay," I took a step back as I tried to remember to breathe and I sat into a chair. Tears filled my eyes and I wiped them away so Collin didn't see. I let him continue on with his life until he started puking. I cursed pressing the nurses button because this was the first time since he started chemo so that felt like a miracle.

A nurse came into the room and she started to help but when I touched Collin he got even angrier. I backed off and let one of his favorite nurses do her job. Kayla soothed Collin as she pushed some medicine and then helped clean him up. I turned around to put my hands on the top of my head as I pulled myself together. Kayla helped change his clothes and then she switched out his buckets. Once she was done I thanked her and I went over to him.

I picked up Collin and he tried to push me away as I sat down on his bed as I wrapped him around me but he fought me, "Co," I whispered, "I love you, I love you," I whispered into his ear but he fought against me until he gave up sobbing against me because he didn't feel good. "I'm so sorry baby," I kissed on his temple as he cried into my arms, "I don't want any more,"

"I wish we didn't have to baby, I wish we didn't," he cried into my shoulder as I rocked him gently in my arms, "I love you Co, I love you,"

He didn't say it back but he was mad at me, he was angry at the world. His crying began to settle down and I laid in his bed it him. I rubbed his arm gently and kissed on him. He rested against me and he buried his face against me as I loved on him. We were both quiet for a long time when my phone started to ring. I reached over for it and I answered it quietly, "Hello?" I whispered.

"Gabs, hey," Joe was on the other end of the phone, "I need to talk to you. Is there anyway we can meet somewhere?" My eyes looked down at Collin and I took a deep breath. "Uhm, well, this is Collin's chemo week so I am stuck in the hospital." I replied, "If you wanted to come up here you can," I offered, "You can always bring Collin a peace offering, toy cars are his favorite." I told him, "I know you guys didn't get off on the best of starts,"

Joe didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, "I don't know Gabi,"

"Or you don't have to come back to the room at all. I can sit in the waiting room or café, I just won't leave the hospital." I replied to him, "Okay, can I come up tonight?" I didn't say anything at first, "Yea, that's fine." I whispered quietly, "I'll see you in a couple of hours. I'll send a text message."

"Thank you Joe," I hung up and I looked down at Collin, I stroked his cheek and kissed it as I slipped out of his grip. Collin turned to look at me and I smiled at him, "You're okay buddy," he nodded and I went to pick out a movie. "What movie do you want to watch? Do you want to watch Cars?" Collin nodded and I popped it into the DVD player while I went out to the nurse's station. I leaned against it and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Ms. Montez," I looked up to see Kyle and I smiled, "Hi," I echoed, "How is Collin doing?" Kyle asked me, I held his eye contact and I shrugged, "Okay, puking every now and then, angry at the world, you know how it goes…" Kyle nodded his head while clicking his pen, "Yea, I don't see many three year olds come through here who actually like it." I bit on my tongue and I ran my fingers through my hair, "Troy said you met in med school,"

Kyle twisted his pen and he nodded his head, "Yea, Troy flew past me in med school, we had a class together and well…he was driven." Kyle chose his words carefully as he looked at me, he had cool green eyes that met mine and he dropped his pen. "I have never seen Troy love somebody like he loves you, he has never taken a week a week off work to be with a girl, not weekends off, nothing, his mom was in the hospital after a car accident and he still worked the entire week,"

I bit on my lip and Kyle sighed, "I know Troy and I just…I don't want to see him regret what he is doing. I am going to be frank, you aren't his type and I was shocked as hell when I met you. Maybe, I know a different Troy than what he once was, the stories I have heard, I just…I guess I know the Troy Bolton who didn't keep a girl around and he changed for you. He changed and the way he talks about you…" Kyle shook his head, "He loves you."

"I know this Kyle,"

"Do you know how much?" Kyle argued back, I bit on my lip as I turned to look into the room. "I am going back to my room," Kyle sighed, "Gabi, I didn't mean to be rude I just…I care for him and," he struggled to find the right words, "I don't want to see him get hurt," I pulled my brow in confusion at Kyle, "Kyle, I completely understand where you are coming from but I just…I don't think this is the place to have this conversation," I whispered at him. He nodded, "I know, I don't see you anywhere else though."

"Thanks for the warning," I turned and walked away as I collapsed in the chair as Cars was on the TV and Collin was watching it as he held his blanket close to him. Fuck.

* * *

I crossed my arms over my chest as I sat in the waiting room waiting for Joe. He came out of the elevators and he looked at me with a stressed face. I stood up and wrapped my arms around me while he looked at me with a weary look. "Joe," I greeted, he nodded, "Hi Gabi,"

"So what did you need to see me about?"

"I need to figure out what you want me to be in Collin's life because I have work in California, my wife has friends and family, my girls don't actually like the cold that well, I just…If you don't want me to be apart of his life then just tell me." I narrowed my eyes, "Do you not want to be apart of his life?" Joe didn't say anything and I felt tears fill my eyes looking at him, "That's fine and all Joe but then why did you throw a freaking fit when you found out,"

"Because you didn't give me a choice!"

"Now I am giving you a choice and well guess what you are choosing what I feared, now I get to tell him that his father chose not to be in his life." Joe frowned, "I have a feeling you don't want me in his life," I pressed my fingers into my eyes and I controlled my thoughts and what I was going to say. "Joe, Collin is very, very sick and when you met him, it wasn't one of his best days. Today, he is sick because chemo is dripping into his body and you just want to tell me that you don't care,"

"Of course I care," Joe interrupted, "I care that my son has cancer, I just don't see what the hell I can do."

"I wish I knew what to do as well Joe! I don't know how to help my son that I have loved since the moment he was laid on my chest. I watch him and I look at him get sick over and over again. I watch him cry and get angry with me because I am the one who is making him sit in that bed and he hates me for it. He hates me because he gets so sick and I can't cry because then he thinks it is all his fault that mommy is sad so I keep it together all the time and you think that is easy for me?"

Joe looked at me as he crossed his arms over his chest, "You chose this path,"

"And you know and I am trying very hard to let you in his life. If you walk out of this hospital to make the choice of not being apart of Collin's life then you never come back." Joe looked at me and he shifted his jaw, "That isn't fair Gabi," he said quietly, "I am so confused on what is going on in my life Gabi," I bit on my lip and I nodded my head, "I am confused too Joe, if you have to go back to California to work I can't get mad at you for that." Joe looked at me, "I just don't want you to waste the opportunity that I am giving you to get to know your son."

"Meg offered to move here temporarily while he is getting treatment but I can't do that to my kids. The ones I actually know." I bit on my cheek and I looked at Joe, "Collin is the sweetest little boy in the world. We share a bed because we have to share an apartment with another cancer patient and mother who lost her husband. Collin wakes up and he snuggles with me every single morning. He will tell me he loves me and he knows when I am sad. Collin will hug me and even when his life fucking sucks he is smiling at me still." Joe glanced at me, "His little hands wrap around my finger at the store and he just loves everything."

I breathed and I looked at the doors to the ward, "Collin is the sweetest little boy who just loves to play with toy cars, watch movies on Netflix, drink milk in the morning, and dance to silly songs." I smiled thinking about him, "Collin is really worth getting to know. I apologized for not telling you and maybe I would change how I did things but now I am giving you a chance. He is very sick and you know, we live everyday with a fear so I just don't you to miss this opportunity."

Joe ran his fingers through his hair, "I need to talk to Meg," I only nodded my head as Joe stood up and he walked off. He got back on the elevator and I stood up to go back to Collin's room. He was puking into a bucket with a nurse when I ran into the room. He was asleep when I left and I suddenly felt awful for leaving. Bridget was helping and I knew Troy was on the floor for the night. Tomorrow morning he would go home for a good sleep and then come be with us.

"It's okay Co," I went over and he latched on to me, "I'm here," I whispered as he cried, "I'm here," He gripped onto me tightly as I swayed with him as Bridget glanced up at me, I looked at her and she shrugged as I heard laughter. I turned to see Kyle and Troy talking with each other as they entered the room. Troy looked at me with a smile but it quickly turned when he saw Collin. "Collin," Co looked up at Troy and he cried reaching out for him.

I let him go but my heart shattered a little in the process. Collin wrapped himself around Troy as Troy tried to relax him. I wiped my forehead as Troy and Kyle started to talk medical with each other about what to do with him. I sat down in a chair and rubbed my temples when Troy put Collin back down onto his bed. I stood up to comfort Collin, "No, I want dad," Collin moved away from me when Troy finally looked at me.

His eyes flashed a sign of concern as he bent to be closer to Collin, "Bud, I have to work for a little while. I will then be all yours but you have your fantastic mom," Collin rubbed his eyes and shook his head while I sat down on the side of the bed. Kyle and a nurse were talking as they put something into Collin's port, Troy rubbed his back and he reached over to me. His hand slipping around my wrist as I looked at him, "I'm fine," I encouraged with a smile, "He is just angry. You can go. You have patients."

Troy gave me a skeptical look and I smiled, "I'm good."

Troy hesitated and let go of me and then he picked Collin up as he whispered something to him. Collin was calming down and I sat on his bed as Troy gave him back to me. He kissed the top of my head and then was out of the room without much of a conversation. Kyle shared a look with me and I ignored him while I held onto Collin because that was the only thing I could do.

* * *

 _Monday, December 29_ _th_ _, 2014_

Troy and Collin were leaned back while watching Monday night football together as Troy had let me nap most of the day at his place and I was just getting back. Troy turned to face me as the door shut behind me. "Hey," he said with a smile, I nodded my head as I sat my bags down. It was nice to go home and shower in my own shower and take a nap in my bed. "Hi," Collin sat up and he smiled at me, "Mommy,"

"Hey big guy," I went over and he wrapped his arms around me and he kissed my cheek, "How are you feeling?" I asked him, he shrugged and sat down next to Troy. Troy's eyes followed me as I went to the chair and ran my fingers through my hair. I heard him get off the bed and then his arms wrapped around my waist, "You have been insanely quiet this week," I shrugged, "I'm stressed," he kissed the back of my head, "Why?"

"I don't know, my son is sicker than all get out while getting his chemo and Joe is being a pain in my ass and scans are this week," I ran my fingers through my hair and Troy turned my around, "At least you aren't exhausted like you were twenty-four hours ago." I bit on my lip and Troy cradled my face gently, I pulled my head away and Troy tickled my sides, I laughed. "Troy,"

"That's what I needed to hear." He whispered, he tickled me again and I grabbed his hands, he smirked at me while I shook my head. He leaned in for a kiss and I let him as he got his hands free and he held my face again. "I love you," he whispered while kissing me, I closed my eyes to just listen to him and I nodded, "I love you too."

Troy pressed his hand into my back and I pressed my hands against his chest. "You can go if you want," I told him, Troy laughed and shook his head, "Hell no, I am here until you are discharged." I sent Troy a look and he smiled, "I am not leaving you alone. You have spent enough time alone."

"I just figured you would want actual sleep,"

Troy smiled, "I am a doctor. I don't need sleep." I rolled my eyes and Troy kissed my forehead. "I will go get dinner though." I shook my head, "I'm not that hungry, thanks though," Troy frowned at me, "You have barely eaten since being admitted,"

"Wow, thanks for that,"

"Gabs,"

"T," I countered, he rolled his lips together and nodded his head, "Alright," he breathed, and he turned around and went back to Collin. He pulled out a game and they started to play while my phone rang again. I picked it up and I went into the hallway, "Hello?"

"Gabi,"

"Hi Joe," I leaned back against the wall, "I talked with Meg and you're right. I should get to know my son." I bit on my lip and nodded, "Okay,"

"I do need to go back to California and wrap up a few cases. I'll come back in a couple of weeks and hopefully he is doing better," I nodded, "Yea," I answered, "That's fine," Joe breathed on the other end, "Are you okay Gabi?"

"Perfect," I answered and I smiled as I played with my hands, "I am just tired. These long nights in the hospital aren't fun."

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay, I need to go check on him, I'll talk to you later."

"Do you care if I text you to check on him?"

"Feel free,"

"Thank you,"

"Yup," my voice was deep in my throat and I then hung up the phone. I didn't have the energy to continue the conversation with him. I rubbed my arms when I looked towards the swinging doors; I bit on my lip wondering what was going on in the hospital. My eyes turned back to the room and I sighed going back in. I collapsed in the chair and rubbed my forehead. "Gabs,"

"I'm fine, I just have a headache." I looked up at him with a smile, "I'm fine."

* * *

 _Wednesday, December 31_ _st_ _, 2014_

"I don't want it!" Collin yelled, I sighed, "Collin,"

"No, I don't want it mommy!" he pushed at me and I took a deep breath, "Co, "

"No!"

I tried to decide what the best course of action would be as my eyes held his, "Collin, you need to take your medicine or you are going to get sick again. Do you want to get sick again?" he shook his head, "No," I could see his lawyer side coming out, his bullheadedness that he sadly got from both Joe and I. I rubbed my lips together and I glanced at him, "I wanna go home!" I nodded my head, "I know buddy, and I want to go home too."

He turned away from me and I ran my fingers through my hair, "Collin," I begged quietly, "No, no medicine," I turned around as I tried to relax but this week had been hell. The moment we stepped into the hospital Collin resented me. I couldn't count on my hands how many times he had told me he hated me, I couldn't count how many times he had puked, I couldn't count the amount of times he has cried or asked to go home. I couldn't count.

The all-familiar gagging noise and I turned around to see him puking again. I helped him get it into the bucket as he started to sob making it all worse. What a fucking way to ring in the new year, Collin getting chemo and puking it all up. "Yikes," I looked up to see Troy as he came in to help the two of us. Collin turned towards me and then puked all over me. I groaned, as this wasn't the first time this week this had happened either.

"Crap, Gabs," I looked up at Troy and I shrugged as I helped undress Collin, Troy helped move the wires around and we changed him together. "Go shower," he said softly, "He won't take his nausea meds. I have tried for the past hour and he is refusing so this isn't the first time he has puked in the last hour." Troy nodded, "I'll work on it, go shower," I turned to the shower and I went into the bathroom. I turned the shower onto the hottest setting possible.

I stripped my clothes off and I crawled into the shower as I sat down on the shower floor. The water washed down my skin as it burned my back because the hospital showers were hot for five minutes until the water turned to ice. I pulled my legs up to my chest as I rocked my body back and forth because we had such a great Christmas and then everything turned to shit. The water turned to ice but I remained in my seated position

Tomorrow, Collin would be put under for his day full of scans to see if we were ready for surgery and I needed him to be ready for surgery. I needed his little body to be better because I couldn't do another round of chemo. I was losing my grip with life when I was put into the hospital. Sam and Mariah were both dealing with their sick kids to keep my sane. Troy and I hit a bump with what to do with life and I was just so confused.

My body started to shake underneath the cold water so I finally stood up and shut the water off. My lips were chattering when my towel wrapped around my body. The towel was a typical hospital towel that scratched my body. I dropped it as I changed quickly and I walked back out with damp hair and a chill swept over me. "Collin is in the playroom," I looked up at Troy and I nodded my head quietly, "Okay,"

"He took the pill," his voice drifted off, "Why are you shaking?"

"Cold shower," I mumbled and Troy came over to wrap his arms around me, "Are you okay? You seem completely off," I shrugged my shoulders again and I took a deep breath, "I wish I knew what to say," I whispered quietly and Troy pulled me into Collin's bed while he wrapped around me tightly. He warmed my body up as he didn't let go for some amount of time and when he did my hair was half way dry.

"Can we talk?" he whispered I sat up, "About what?" I asked, "I don't know, you are just really quiet and you seemed scared." I bit on my tongue, "I am nervous for his scans tomorrow," I answered, "I just don't know how much more I have left in me," Troy rubbed my knee, his lips pressed to my temple. I kissed him softly and he rubbed the back of my neck. "We'll have his results tomorrow night and then you can stop worrying."

"I just want him to be better."

"I know," Troy rubbed his hand on my back, "Trust me, I know," he kissed me softly as he looked at me, "What do you say once Collin is feeling better, you and I go out on a date away from the hospital and away from sick kids and just a night free of worry,"

"Who would watch Co?" Troy stroked my cheek, "My mom loves him." Troy said while resting his head on my shoulder. I smiled, "I'm not used to other people willing to baby-sit him."

"Oh she would love it, if not, Sammy would watch him. Her love is just as equal." I smiled and kissed him softly, "I am counting down the days until I am laying in a spa."

"You deserve that more," I sighed and Troy sighed, "Do you want to go check on Colin?" Troy asked me, I nodded my head then I stood up. Troy pulled my hand into his and we walked down the hall where Collin was playing with a couple of other kids. He was pretty much stuck with his IV pole attached to him and I knew Collin was getting frustrated. I went over while I started to move the pole for him where he wanted to go and he gave me a smile.

I smiled back at him as he continued to play and I continued to move his pole around for him. A smile on his face and when he was rubbing his eyes, "Are you ready for a nap big guy?" he nodded his head and I picked him up as Troy came over to help. He pushed it back to the room and Collin rested his head on my shoulder. "Co, can we talk about tomorrow?" he shook his head as I sat down on the bed with him. Troy fixed everything and I rubbed his back, "Tomorrow, you are going to take a long, long nap and when you wake up hopefully we'll get to go home."

He shook his head, "No,"

"I'm sorry baby," he crawled out of my lap and he sat down in front of the TV. I ran my fingers through my hair and Collin turned away from me. Troy rubbed my shoulders but I moved away from him. "Gabs,"

"I'm fine, I just…I need some space," I ran my hands over my arms and Troy looked down at his watch. "I have to work tomorrow." He said quietly, "and I think you just need some space and Co needs some space so if you're okay with it, I am going to go home." I felt the tears in my eyes but I blinked them away, "I uhm…yea, you need to rest before your shift." I turned around to face him and his face was full of concern.

"Brie," he said quietly, I gave the best smile I could, "I'm fine, I swear, I am just getting stir crazy."

"Do you want to leave?"

"No, you have to work in the morning." Troy finally just nodded his head, "Okay, I'll bring you coffee in the morning with some breakfast." I nodded and he wrapped his arms around me kissed my temple, "I love you," I took in a deep breath while I looked at him, "I love you too. I don't know why I am being this way. I am just…" he brushed his fingers through my hair, "You are a mother who is battling cancer for her son. You are tired. You have been in the hospital for almost a week and you are facing the anxiety of scans right now."

I buried my face into his chest and he rubbed my back, "I love you." He said again, "I love you too." He kissed the top of my head while I ran my fingers on the back of his neck. "Lay down, and get some rest tonight okay? I love you and I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay," he squeezed my knee and I let out a long breath as he gathered his things. He kissed the top of Collin's head and then left. I looked at Collin but he wouldn't look at me so I just turned away from him as well because both of us were tired and he was angry. We were both angry and I couldn't blame him.

This was one way to ring in the New Year and I was completely exhausted.

* * *

 _Thursday, January 1_ _st_ _, 2015_

Collin and I did not make it until mid-night last night, as we were both completely asleep by seven. He slept through the night but today he was wheezy and sick all morning. He was currently back in scans and I was nervous I could puke myself. I lay in Collin's bed staring at the ceiling when a knock came at the door. I didn't have to look to know it was Troy. "You alright?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I put a rush back on his scans. We'll tell you before you leave tonight."

"Okay,"

"Kyle is working the night shift anyways,"

"Okay,"

Troy moved into the room and I continued to stare at the ceiling. "Gabs," he said, I tilted my head and looked over at him. "You okay?"

"I don't know Troy, my son is sedated so he can take the mother load of scans and bone marrow and," I took a deep breath and I relaxed with a smile plastered over my face and then a laugh escaped my lips. Troy gave me a look and I shook my head sitting up when Collin was wheeled into the room. I hopped out of the bed as they put him into that one. My arms wrapped around my body and Troy kissed the top of my head.

"Come get me if you need me,"

"You'll be there right?" I asked, Troy looked at me and he nodded, "Of course." He walked out and I took a deep breath as I looked at the sleeping Collin. The nurses were still getting him situated when they turned to me, "He has a history of getting sick," I spoke up, "when he wakes up so I just don't want you to be surprised or anything," Bridget smiled at me, "We got it Gabi," I nodded my head and I crossed my arms over my chest.

I scooted closer and when they were done moving things the nurses backed up. "Page us when he wakes okay?" I nodded and I sat on the edge of the bed with Collin. I stroked his hand and I could already see his body was in pain. I let my hand rub his head when his eyes started to move; he twisted his head and a cry forfeited from his mouth. "I'm right here baby," I whispered, he opened his eyes but he was crying. "I know baby,"

He then started to puke as I pressed the button, as it never took long. The nurses came in quickly to my call and they started to help him while I backed away. I lay back against the wall and I watched. I always watched.

* * *

Troy's POV

My eyes watched as she pressed against the back wall and I knew something was off. Something had been off since just before Christmas. She was either exhausted or was upset over something, I couldn't pin it exactly. She wasn't crying but she wasn't smiling. She wasn't yelling or fighting me. I didn't know what was wrong but I knew Collin was going through hell this wee. Collin was getting mad quickly this week, which caused a lot of concern for me.

I bit down on my lip as I tapped my pen up and down, "Why are you staring in the room?" I looked over at Kyle and I sighed, "Something's wrong," I muttered, Kyle sent me a look, "What? What do you mean something is wrong?"

"Something is wrong with Gabi, she is acting off…" Kyle crossed his arms over the chart he was holding, "I may have freaked her out," I rose my eyebrow, "What?" Kyle sighed, "I just told her not to hurt you and to not just lead you on,"

"Kyle!" I hissed, he shrugged, "What? You have been through a lot,"

"And she is going through a lot," I fired back, "Kyle, I don't think that is it but don't ever do that again. C'mon," I ran my fingers through my hair, "She normally cries during chemo week, she normally freaks out, she normally yells or gets angry about something, I don't know. Her emotions don't match and something is wrong. Something is off about her and Collin isn't helping this week. He gets angry with her so quickly and I know scans were today,"

"Yea, I got a quick peek," I looked over at him, "It's not the greatest in the world," he said quietly, "I will know more soon." Kyle said, "But make sure you are there for her,"

"What do you mean?"

"I am meaning that there could be more chemo first," I looked at him and he shrugged, "We'll just have to see what the rest of the scans come back,"

"Did you do a CT of his brain this time?" I asked Kyle nodded his head, "At your request. You had a note in his file," I nodded my head and I looked back up at Gabi who was sitting with Collin. His eyes were closed as he rested against her. She stroked his back and kissed the top of his head. I sighed as I sat down in my chair as I began to do things when my eyes caught the date in the corner. Tears blurred my own eyes and I took a deep breath to push that past my mind.

January was never a fun month for me, actually, January till July was nothing but awful days. I knew I needed to tell Gabi sooner than later about my past. She deserved to know and I also knew that she was going to panic when she heard them. I took a deep breath and I couldn't focus so I called Sammy.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Just thinking. Something is wrong with Gabi,"

"Like?"

"I don't know, I can't pin it,"

"Oh…"

"She is just being quiet and stuff."

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay, I just…I want to take her home and to just hold her for a bit."

"How is Co doing?"

"Sick,"

Sammy didn't say anything, "Hey, what are you doing the 10th?" my breath stalled and I looked down at my desk, "I don't know, I am taking Collin and Gabi to the Bronco's game on the 11th."

"Good for you big brother," I bit on my lip, "I uhm…I don't know about the 10th okay? I just…I am actually," Sammy stopped my rambling, "Okay, I get it. I'll drag you out of bed that day." I bit on my lip and I nodded, "Okay, I have to go. I just needed a mental break."

"You're welcome,"

I hung up the phone and I looked at the room again, Gabi was just staring into space while holding Collin. Kyle tapped my shoulder, "C'mon, Collin is back asleep so she will be more willing." I nodded my head and I shut down my computer as I got up.

* * *

Gabi's POV

Kyle knocked on the door, "Gabi, can we talk?" I nodded my head as I kissed Collin's head. Troy was right behind Kyle and I couldn't read either of their faces. Kyle led me back and straight into Troy's office, as I felt valuable. I felt broken already.

"Can we just rip the Band-Aid off?" I said quietly, "I just need you to rip it off because this week has been hell and I don't want to drag it out and to start talking about how Collin has been so strong and that I have been strong. Can we just skip all of the bullshit and get to the point because I am so tired of bullshit and I am tired of cancer and I am just tired so if we could just rip it off."

Troy and Kyle shared a look and Troy came over to me, he picked up my hand and I felt the tears in my eyes, "Guys, please, I really need you to just tell me. If it is awful then just tell me already because we can just add that to the list of news," I bit on my lip and looked up at them, Kyle sighed, "It isn't all awful. His tumors shrank again which is fantastic news but just…his main tumor is still bigger than we would like it to be."

I wiped my eyes and Kyle sighed, "What does this mean?" Kyle looked at me and he looked down at his notes, "I am suggesting another round of chemo," I closed my eyes and I turned around to face the wall as my shoulders started to shake. "Gabi," Troy's words were soft but the pain went straight to my chest, tears welled in my eyes and my chin started to wobble. I tried to hold on but I have been holding on to the ledge so long.

"Gabi, this is the best for Collin and would make his surgery a lot better on him and a lot easier for other people."

I whirled around, "A lot easier for other people? Not a lot easier for Collin and me, do you not see how my son is right now? He pukes everyday all day, he is scared and he is so tired. He gets so angry with me because we have to come back to this fucking hospital. He gets so scared and he is so fucking tired," tears were spilling down my cheeks as I yelled at the both of them because it was both of their faults. "I am so fucking tired of coming here and watching my son cry because he is in pain because he is puking all the time. He is in pain because his tumors hurt his belly and because his feeding tube and his central line hurt,"

I could barely catch my breath as I gasped for air looking at them, "Easier for who because it sure as hell isn't me or Collin because another round of chemo is going to break my damn walls. I can't sit here for a week and watch him be poisoned. I can't sit in here and wait. I can't do this anymore because I feel like my kid isn't getting better. My son isn't getting better and his dad came into the picture and he gets all pissy,"

Troy touched my hand but I pulled away from him, "I'm so tired of this bullshit,"

"Gabi," Troy said, I shook my head as the sobs rolled through my chest and I could barely breathe. "This past week has been fucking hell. I lost my job, my child got so sick, and we were stuck in the hospital over the holidays and he got so angry with me," Troy looked at me surprised, "Gabi, you what?" I looked up at him and I shrugged, "I lost my job okay? Ken called me and told me that the firm was splitting up and that they had to let me go."

Troy put his hands on the top of his head and Kyle looked between the both of us, "So you know what, can you just sign my discharge papers please," I stood up and went to leave but Troy stopped me, "Gabi," he said quietly and I curled my lip in, "Troy I can't do this anymore," he wrapped his arms around my neck and he pulled me into his chest as the sobs filled the room. His lips pressed into the top of my hair as I let go and just held onto him while I sobbed.

"I can't do this anymore," he rubbed my back gently as he held me tightly, "I'm so sorry," he whispered into my ear, "I'm so sorry," my eyes were tired and I held onto him like my life depended on it, my eyes were sore and my shoulders were still shaking with tears. Troy kissed the top of my head gently as I let go but I gripped his arm because my legs were weak. My legs were tired and my body was exhausted. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, Kyle shook his head, "Don't apologize. I have an idea that we can do that would be different," I looked up at Kyle as Troy wrapped his arms around my shoulders to pull me back against him.

"We could do a three day chemo where Collin would only come in for about four to five hours a day to push chemo through and then you could go home but you would have to come three days in a row for several hours. It's aggressive but we could do that every other week and then run scans two weeks after that. Two more rounds of the chemo and then we will run another set of scans and I am confident that we will have the results we are looking for, for his surgery."

The tears never stopped, "Kyle, is that really,"

"Troy, it's a short chemo cycle and she's right. Doing two or three more rounds of what he is doing may not help him because honestly we are racing the clock. It hasn't traveled to his brain yet and it hasn't spread but he could stop responding, why don't we try something else because he needs surgery soon. This way, he is having surgery in six to seven weeks instead of three more months."

"You have to give his body at least three weeks to recover from this chemo cycle,"

"I know Troy, relax, we are going to do all of it by the books. I am just giving Gabi the option, then she doesn't have to stay, she can do it all in clinical instead of having to be admitted. It takes a toll on the family," my eyes welled with tears again as I tried to fight off the pressure on my chest, "We'll do it."

Kyle nodded, "Alright," he wrote something down, "I'll get back to you with dates in a bit okay?" I nodded my head and Troy moved away from the door as Kyle slipped out. Troy then shut the door firmly, "I can't do this anymore Troy," I sat down in the couch as the tears came back again, he sat down next to me and he rubbed my back, "You have been dealt a shit hand," Troy admitted, "But I really think you need to answer this question," I rubbed my hands together, "Ken called me the night that your family came to meet Collin, I have health insurance until I get another job they at least gave me that much so that I could take of Co but yup, I have no source of income."

"Gabi, this is something that you tell your boyfriend,"

"I don't tell people things very well Troy,"

"Gabi,"

"You know what Troy, I have been trying to figure out all damn week what is going to happen next. I have been trying to figure out how my life is going to continue then I find out Collin needs more chemo and just telling you that my job is now gone wasn't at the top of my list." Troy sighed and rubbed his face, "Brie," he rubbed my shoulder gently, "Can I tell you something?" Troy said, I just nodded my head, "You are a very strong person. This is hard and I know watching Collin is awful. I know all of this is just fucking awful but you are strong."

"T,"

"Nope, listen, what you are feeling right now is knowing that you have felt too much. You don't want to give up Gabi but you are just feeling that you can't take this anymore. It is a lot and guess what, we are going away in a couple of weeks and we will get to relax. You'll get to relax."

"I'm so tired,"

"Come to my house please," he whispered, "Please just let me take care of you for a little bit." I felt tears well in my eyes again while I buried my face into his neck, "I don't know what I am going to do Troy, I have no job and no income. I have a kid with cancer and I am so lost." He hugged me, "Shh…" his strong arms held me in, he let me cry and when I pulled away his eyes looked at me, "Brie, listen and don't interrupt me okay because I know you'll want too."

I looked at him and I nodded, "Move in with me," I went to protest but he held his hand up so I shut my mouth. "I know we have only been dating since October and I know that there are things between us that we need to still talk about but move in with me. If you want you can sleep in the spare room and Collin will have his own room, Brie, you could have your own bed again." I shook my head and Troy squeezed my knee, "I have the space Gabs, I don't need money from you and then you don't have to pay for rent. Gabi," I looked at him and he stroked my face, my eyes filled with tears looking at him, "I can't just leave Sam out in the wind,"

Troy nodded his head, "Well then you need to talk to her but I love you Brie and you living in my house would make me happy and it would provide less stress, you already have enough to pay for without thinking about food and housing." I leaned into him, "I'm so sick of all of this." I whispered, Troy kissed the top of my head, "I know baby girl, I know,"

"Is Kyle doing the right thing?"

"Yes, I probably would have done that as well. It will be a lot easier on you but I can't promise it will be any easier on Co, it is just as aggressive as the one he is doing now but it does work better with anti-nausea meds,"

"So I just get to watch my son suffer some more," my eyes looked into Troy's and he bit his lip, I then rested my head on his shoulder. "I'll talk to Sam," I felt Troy exhale from underneath of me, "I worry about you," he whispered, "I knew something was wrong,"

"I'm just tired of this,"

"Of course,"

"You really want me to move in with my crazy toddler?" Troy smiled and nodded, "I really do." I kissed him softly and he put his hand around the back of my neck and he pulled me in for a bit deeper of a kiss. "I love you," I whispered to him, he smiled and tilted his forehead to mine, "I love you too."

* * *

Troy's POV

Gabi was gathering Collin's things when Kyle came up behind me, "Is she okay?" I shrugged my shoulders, "She's broken,"

"You didn't know she lost her job?" I shook my head, "Nope." I sighed and I collapsed in the chair rubbing my face, "Dude," I shook my head, "Kyle,"

He didn't say anything for a minute and I took in a big breath, "I get it, I know what you want to say to me but you don't understand," I chewed on my lip and I looked at Gabi who put something else into the bag. "You just don't get it."

"Get what? That this is destroying you?"

"That she is my life now and he is my life and I would do anything for them," Kyle looked at me and I ran my hands through my hair, "I'll tell her soon." I said looking over at Kyle, "Let her get through these chemos and then I will talk to her okay? We have a good month coming up with the Bronco's game and then our get away," Kyle sent me a warning glance, "Just let me get her through this okay?"

"Okay," Kyle said, "I think it will be a lot better this time around," I nodded my head not saying anything when I just threw my pen at the desk. It bounced off and hit the floor as I took a deep breath. Gabi was so stressed out and I couldn't blame her. I couldn't blame her for feeling this way and I knew exactly what she was feeling and I never wanted her to feel that way.

* * *

 **HELLO. Happy Sunday! I also love to call it Senior Sunday because well…186 until I cross the stage. HELL YEA.**

 **Anyways – hope you guys have a good week!**

 **Please Review!**


	21. Fun Times

Chapter 21 – Fun Times

" _Sometimes there is no next time, no second chance, no time out. Sometimes it's now or never."_

You come to realize with cancer that things never go as planned. You plan to do this but instead you are stuck in a bathroom all day with your puking son. You plan to go out with your boyfriend for a well needed date but your son won't release you because he just wants his mom. You plan to go back to your job but then you get fired. You plan to take a relationship slow but it turns out that you need help.

Some days some things go as planned others never pan out but with cancer you also realize that there are no second chances. There is no time out. There isn't a next time sometimes. There is just a fear that you'll never get this chance again so you throw it all out the window. Cancer becomes now or never. Cancer becomes the world focus of people's lives and it hurts. Everyday is painful. Everyday I have to watch my son suffer and it was never easy.

So when the moment strikes, even though he feels like shit, when it strikes you grab that moment and you put so much love into it. I love that he can smile when he is in pain. I love that he can have a good time while being so tired. I love that he is so strong. I loved it all.

So when my son felt good and when he wasn't puking his guts out we were pushing as much fun into his life as possible and with the help of Troy…I knew I was doing a good job.

* * *

 _Tuesday, January 6_ _th_ _, 2015_

I wringed my hands nervously when I looked at Sam who was sitting with Ryan. "Sam," she looked up, "Hey! How is Collin?" I smiled weakly, "He is okay. Sleeping right now, can we talk?" I asked her quietly, she turned her head and looked at me, "Is everything okay?" I nodded, "Yea, I just…" Sam looked at Ryan and nodded, "Ry, can you go turn on a movie in the room for me?" he nodded and ran off as Sam looked at me.

"Gabi, is everything okay?" I smiled again, "Yea, everything is fine, I mean, I guess, fine is such a relative term these days." Sam nodded in agreement and I let out a weary breath, "Uhm…I lost my job," I said and Sam looked at me with surprise, "The firm is splitting up and they can't afford to pay me if I am not bring in my share of money. I get it. I am not upset with anybody there and they are still paying for my health care so Collin can keep getting his treatments."

"You are okay?"

"I am okay but…I can't afford to help pay rent and keep providing for Collin in other ways. Troy said I could move in with him but I need to make sure this is okay with you, I don't want to leave you hanging because I can crunch and just take out other aspects of my life."

"Gabi," she said gently, "You need to do what is right for you." She said looking at me, her eyes held mine as mine were welling with tears. "If you need to move in with Troy then that is what you need to do. Grant and I are just as serious and I can talk to him to see where we are going. I also have parents who can help out when I need it." I wiped away my tears that fell, "I just hate letting people down and I won't want to do that with you. You have done so much for me."

Sam hugged me tightly, "You are one of the greatest friends Gabi, and our lives have been so changed since you have come into our lives." I hugged her tighter and I looked back at her, "Thank you Sam," she smiled, "We still have to get together all the time and I will be there every step of the way for the next couple of months with Collin. You'll never do any of this alone." I thanked her, "Thank you so much Sam,"

"So when do you move out?"

"Well, since we are supposed to pay rent in the next couple of days, I figured I would get out of here before that. I know it is a lot of short notice but…"

"No, save your money." She encouraged, "I'm going to call Grant and talk to him because it is short notice, I will definitely be okay, I promise." I looked at her and she nodded, "I will be okay and Collin will LOVE living with Troy. He already adores him and you'll always have him." I smiled, "I think we need to sleep in separate rooms,"

"Oh no," Sam said with a laugh, "I will not let that happen. You guys are in a relationship and Collin should be able to see what it is like to have a mom and a dad who love each other." I smiled because I couldn't hide that I was a little excited. "Let me call Troy," we both went our separate ways to talk with our boyfriends. I sat on the counter as the phone rang, "Hey! Did you finally talk to Sam?"

"Yes, and well…when can I move in?" Troy laughed, "Good, I am so happy that you are moving in Brie," I smiled and looked at my foot, "Me too but…I don't want to impose,"

"Gabi, really?"

"I just want to make sure this is something you are ready for and you want,"

"Of course I am ready and of course I want you," I rubbed my arm up and down thinking about it, "I am off Thursday,"

"I can be ready Thursday," I bit down on my lip, "I don't have that much in this apartment," Troy chuckled, "I have to get back to work but I am so happy to hear that. How is Co?"

"Good, he is sleeping right now but he puked a couple of times last night." Troy sighed, "I'm sorry."

"He won't stop talking about Sunday though," Troy laughed, "I'm glad, I'll talk to you later tonight. Love you,"

"Love you too,"

I hung up and Sam came out of her room, she was smiling, "When is our lease up?" she asked me, I shrugged, "This month or next I think,"

"Grant basically said I should just move in with him as well," I laughed and I hugged her, "We are so moving up in this world!" we both laughed and I looked at her with a smile, "It has been a fun six months though," she smiled squeezing my hand, "That it has,"

* * *

 _Thursday, January 8_ _th_ _, 2015_

I put a box down in what would be Collin's room; he was lying on the bed playing with his toy cars. He was very excited when he heard that we were going to move into Troy's house. The full force of dad escaping his lips when he saw Troy which Troy embraced so well. He was only sad that Ryan wouldn't be living with us anymore because he loved having him to play with but he got over it once he realized he would have his own room again.

"Co, are you feeling alright?" he shrugged his shoulders and I went to sit on his new bed. He crawled into my lap, as he had been extra lovey the past couple of days. I ran my hands down his back and he smiled pressing his face into me, "I love you," I whispered into his ear, "I love you too momma,"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"You get to see the Bronco's play in a couple of days,"

He giggled and I smiled, "What is this?" I looked up at Troy and Collin snuggled into my body. Troy came to sit next to me and he rubbed my back, "What do you guys want for dinner?" Co shook his head, "No food," Troy shared a glance with me, and I just shrugged my shoulders. "Was that the last trip?" Troy asked, "Yup, the apartment is pretty much cleared out." Troy smiled and rubbed my shoulder gently, Sam was going to stay in the apartment and Grant was going to move in with her.

"What are you doing Saturday?" I asked glancing over at Troy, his face paled slightly and he shrugged his shoulders, "Uhm, I don't know, Sammy talked about doing something, I have to work in the morning for a couple of hours to cover a shift." I nodded, "I was going to take Collin out and have him go pick out a new toy and some new clothes that will fit his skinny frame." Troy nodded, "Yea, I will be out most of the day."

He stood up and I looked at him, "Co, do you want to start unpacking boxes?" he nodded his head and I opened a couple of boxes for him to put away. I walked out into the hallway to see my stuff awkwardly sitting in-between Troy's room and the other spare room. He walked into his room and I followed him, "Hey, so, we need to talk about something," he turned around to face me with a smile I had never seen before, it looked pained and I frowned looking at him.

"Yea?"

"I know we are in a committed relationship and we have done everything that a couple does together but that doesn't mean you are ready for me to invade your man space and I just need to know where to move my boxes and if you want me sleeping in the spare room," I kept rambling as I watched his face turn from a pained smile to an amused smile at my rambling. "Gabs," I continued and he laughed, "Gabi," I finally shut my mouth and he took two steps forward and cupped my chin with his fingers tilting my head backwards.

"I want to wake up every single morning with you right next to me." He whispered, I felt the stress melt away from my shoulders and he kissed me softly, "Plus, I learned that you wake up horny and that is all is a major bonus," I laughed and I pressed my head to Troy's chest, "Are you okay Troy?" he wrapped his arms tightly around me and he pressed his lips into my hair, "I'm okay Gabs," I pulled back and looked into his blue eyes, "Thank you,"

He shook his head with a smile, "No, Thank you, I already cleaned out half of my closet to share with you," I laughed, "I don't need that much space," He arched an eyebrow and I laughed, "I don't have that many clothes. I do have a lot of suits that were for court but those can stay boxed up for a bit because I won't need them for a little while." Troy stroked my cheek, "I just need a couple of drawers and a little bit of closet space,"

"I think we can make it work," he whispered kissing me again, I let out an anxious breath of air and Troy rubbed my shoulder, "C'mon, we have some unpacking to do,"

* * *

 _Friday, January 9_ _th_ _, 2015_

"I could so get used to this," he whispered into my shoulder and I laughed quietly as the morning was still early but Troy had to go to work. He played with my long hair and I kissed his forehead, "I don't know why you like this so much. I have bad breathe and my hair is sticking up in every single direction." Troy laughed and he pulled back, "I love your hair and your morning breathe," I shook my head closing my lips tightly.

He let his fingers run across my lips and I closed my eyes, "Brie," he whispered right against my ear and it caused chills to run down my body. "Troy, Collin literally will wake up at the drop of a hat in the mornings," Troy chuckled and he kissed me softly, "I have to get up and take a shower anyways," I smiled opening my eyes to look at him, I ran my fingers down his spine and he straighten and backed away, "That was dirty," I laughed and he reached over and kissed me again.

He then slid out the bed and into the shower as I could get used to this every morning. I could get used to waking up right next to him, I could get used to him grabbing me in his sleep to pull me closer, I could get used to not having to panic every minute about something to happen to Collin the middle of the night when Troy was right here. I relaxed a little bit more and it was nice. I closed my eyes again but a patter of feet made me look up to see Collin.

"Mommy," I smiled, "Come here," he crawled onto the bed and he snuggled underneath of the blankets with me. I kissed his temple and he yawned, "I like sleeping with you," he whispered, I nodded, "I know but now you have a big boy bed because you are going to grow up and be super strong."

He giggled and he rested against me while I rubbed his back, "How are you feeling this morning?" I asked him, I heard the shower shut off from behind the door and Collin shrugged his shoulders as he battled closing his eyes again. "I'm sleepy,"

"I bet you are big guy,"

He yawned, Troy sang from behind the door and I couldn't help big giggle. Collin opened his eyes and looked at the door with a smile, "Daddy is singing,"

"He is," I agreed, I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled into his back. Collin started to fall back asleep again when the bathroom door opened. "Gab," he stopped short and a smile flirted onto his lips as he saw Collin snuggled up against me, while he was finishing buttoning his shirt. "How did this happen?" he asked, I shrugged while he tucked in his shirt to his black slacks. He put a belt through his pants and he sighed, "I am scrubbing in on a surgery this afternoon on one of my patients and because I want to see it, I won't be home till late and then tomorrow I have to work so if it is late I may just stay at the hospital."

I just nodded my head, "Okay,"

"I'm sorry, I know that isn't how you wanted to celebrate this weekend," I shook my head, "You have to work," I told him, "Collin and I are very much used to being alone," Troy shook his head and he went over to a drawer and pulled out a pair of scrubs. He threw them in his backpack and then he came over to lie on the bed, "You're going to be late." He shook his head with a smile as he stroked Collin's face, "He came in here," I said looking up at Troy, "He missed me,"

"Oh boy, I haven't put clothes on after sex in a long time," I laughed, "You better get used to it." Collin opened his eyes and he smiled, "Dad," I could see the glow of Troy's smile, "Morning bud, I have to go to work." Collin shook his head and crawled over to him, Troy smiled while hugging him and kissing the top of his head. Troy was so natural with Collin that is made me smile. "I gotta go so I can get some coffee on the way. You guys have a good day okay?"

I nodded and he leaned over to kiss me and return Collin to my grasp. Collin squeezed his eyes shut while he said ew, Troy laughed, "I love you," I smiled, "I love you too." Troy picked up his backpack and he walked back out the door. Collin was already almost asleep while snuggling back into me.

I could get used to this.

* * *

 _Saturday, January 10_ _th_ _, 2015_

Troy's POV

My fingers circled the rim of my shot glass that was empty, "Sammy, I haven't been home since yesterday morning," I mumbled innocently, "Yea? How does your girlfriend feel about that?" Sammy refilled my shot glass and I looked up at her. My eyes were glazed over and I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know," my voice was raw from the day full of emotions that I had gone through. "Have you talked to her today?"

"This morning," I downed the shot and I took in a deep breath, "Can you get me a beer?" I questioned her, she hesitated, "Troy, that is too many drinks for one night." She was trying to cut me off and I knew she was right but the pain was too deep in my chest for it to numb. "Just one more, I will be done after that but I am going to go home and Gabi is going to pissed and she will never understand. She won't understand," I breathed and Sammy sighed, "She would understand if you just told her."

"Yea, okay," I whispered and I laid my head down on the bar because my eyes were so heavy, "What if you came to my place tonight and just slept it off? I could call Gabi and tell her you had a hard down and that you came in and I got you drunk by accident."

"I am taking her and Co to the game tomorrow, I have to be home,"

"I'll have you sober and ready to go by ten tomorrow," I looked at her and I shrugged, "I don't think Collin should see me this drunk," I whispered, "I'll call Gabi," I picked up my cell phone and Sammy tried reaching for my phone but I turned and pressed it to my ear. It rang a couple of times and Gabi answered, "Gabs!" my voice tried to be cheerful but it slipped, "Troy…is everything okay? Are you at work?"

"Uhm, no," I answered, "I ended up at Sammy's bar and well…she gave me too many drinks." Gabi didn't say anything from the other end, "How often does this happen?" she questioned quietly, "My son doesn't need to be around that."

"This doesn't happen," I remarked but I had to close my eyes to press my hand to my forehead. "It was a bad morning at work and just a bad day in general and I don't know if you want me to come home tonight or not but I promise I will be home tomorrow in the morning because we have the game tomorrow, the big game that Collin is so excited for,"

"Troy, just…Collin is already in bed. You can come home and sleep in your bed," she said quietly, I frowned, "Gabi,"

"Do you need a ride because Collin is already asleep,"

"No, I can get home, Sammy or Marcus can help me. I'm sorry,"

"So should I just break it to him that you aren't going to take him tomorrow or?"

"No, we are going tomorrow, Gabi, please," Sammy pulled the phone from my hand and she started to talk to Gabi, she was apologetic and sincere but I knew Gabi would see right through it. I rubbed my forehead and I pushed the beer away from me. Sammy slid my phone back across to me and she sighed, "She would understand a hell of a lot more,"

"Sammy," I bit, "Stop," she looked at me and I tore my eyes away from her. "Troy, dude, you ready to leave?" Marcus came over and I grimaced, "Sure, why the hell not," Sammy and Marcus shared a look and I put my jacket on but this was when I realized I was hammered. I gripped the counter top and Marcus hooked his arm around me, "Steady bud, steady,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

The door to the bedroom opened but I kept my back to him because he called me drunk, thankfully, it was only the second time this had ever happened since I met him but still…he promised to take Collin to the Bronco's game tomorrow and breaking a promise to him would not be okay.

"Troy, easy," I sat up quickly noticing Marcus and I was thankful for the sweatshirt on, Marcus gave me a grim look, "I am so sorry Gabi," he mumbled and I looked at Troy as Marcus shoved him into the bed. I got out and Marcus tapped Troy's cheeks before walking out of the room. I followed him and Marcus leaned against the wall, "Gabi, I'm sorry," he said quietly, "He doesn't do this very often or at all really. Today is just one of those days that his job catches up to him and…"

I looked at the ground and up at him, "Then why does he do it?" I asked, Marcus sighed, "That's his story to tell," I looked up at him and I grew frustrated, "You have all been dancing around this story that he has and he isn't telling me,"

"Because honestly, you don't need to know," Marcus said quietly, "If I had the choice of knowing and not knowing then I wouldn't want to know. Just…let him figure out the best time to tell you because you are going through hell right now and well…he loves you and just…trust him okay? He'll get up tomorrow morning and he'll be quiet but he'll be happy and he'll take Collin to the Bronco's game. He'll be Troy tomorrow morning and everything will be better. You just have to trust him okay? Just…trust."

"Marcus, I would trust him but I feel like there is this thing I am missing."

"You'll be okay, just…"

"Trust, I know,"

Marcus gave a sigh and nodded his head, "Sorry,"

* * *

 _Sunday, January 11_ _th_ _, 2015_

I laid on my side staring at the wall when the blankets moved and his arm slid around me, "I am so sorry," he whispered into my ear, I didn't move or say a word back to him and he pressed his nose into my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Gabi,"

"You can't be doing that Troy, that's not what a dad does," he kissed the back of my head, "I'm so sorry, I don't do that and the last time I did that was before our date when I called you. I don't do that very often and yesterday was the worst possible time to ever do it but…" I turned on my back and Troy stroked my cheek, "I have a splitting headache and I totally deserve it." I sighed and tilted my head back, "I'm sorry,"

Tears welled in my eyes, "Troy, I love you but you can't do that to Collin. He was so excited to see you yesterday and he wanted to show you what he colored and that he had a good day. He didn't puke and he was excited to tell you but you never showed up and I hadn't heard from you. I told him that you would be here tomorrow but he wanted to see you then," Troy laid on his back, "I get you aren't his father, I get that he isn't your son and you don't have kids but he loves you, he looks up to you, and you make him excited."

Troy looked up at the ceiling, "I know, I fucked up," Troy said quietly, "And I can't apologize to you enough for that but I will say it as many times as I need too because you deserve better than that." I looked at him, his blue eyes looked sadder than normal and his face tired. "I'm sorry," he kissed me and I wrapped my arms around him while I buried my face into his chest. "I don't want to screw this up," I whispered, "If anybody is going to screw this up…it's going to be me." Troy said, "I am good at screwing things up."

I didn't want to know more of that statement so I just lay in his arms. "Do you want to know how my parents died?" I questioned quietly, Troy looked at me surprised and he only nodded his head, "Only if you want to tell me," he said quietly, I sat up and I wrapped my arms around my torso, "My dad was kind of expected, he had heart issues and was on the transplant list but he just didn't make it. We got to say our good-byes and we hugged and cried the day he died with him because he just knew. He told me he loved me repeatedly and that I was going to be a fantastic mother," Troy looked at me with a longing look and I took a deep breath, "His name was Collin and so…" Troy rubbed my back and I sighed, "My mom…"

I felt my chest tighten thinking about that day, "It was random and it happened so fast that I didn't get to say good-bye, I didn't get to tell her I loved her, I didn't get the closure that I needed it just happened and it was so upsetting." He squeezed my shoulders, "She was watching Collin because I was at work, I was in court and my phone kept going off and it wouldn't stop. I had a needy case at that time so I figured it was her,"

I took a deep breath and I let my shoulders relax, "During a recess I saw it was my mom who had called me repeatedly and I finally called back but I got nothing. I called her several more times and then talked to the judge to move the court case to another day. I sped home faster than I have ever drove to find police flocking my apartment building that I shared with my mom. I got out but they wouldn't tell me anything and I kept begging them to just tell me something. I had no idea if it was my family or my neighbors, I finally told them my name and the officers face just paled."

I paused to think about it, "I then started screaming about my son and my mother and they pulled me aside where my little one-year old son was playing with a social worker, I was just so happy to see him breathing and alive that I never realized that my mother wasn't sitting with him. I panicked and started to demand them tell me what happened." I played with my fingers, "A person broke into the apartment complex and started to shoot people. My mom put Collin and his favorite things into a cabinet and she stood up to the man who was shooting up our apartment complex because he was having a bad day…"

The tears found there way again and Troy sighed, "Gabs,"

"I get nightmares every now and then but my mom stuck up to him and she fought him off but he won. He shot her in the chest and she died quickly but she still died. I didn't get a good-bye. I didn't get to tell her I loved her one more time. I didn't get to tell her any of that," Troy wrapped me in his arms, "Gabs," he breathed, "She protected my son and she loved me. I loved her. It was sad and upsetting and I never stepped foot in that apartment again. I made one of my mom's friends go in and pack Collin's things and my clothes."

"I remember that day," Troy said quietly, "We had a couple of kids come into the ER that night and Casey was telling me about it. I remember her talking about a lady that stopped the shooter long enough for the police to come and get him but she had died in the process. She had hid her grandson in a cabinet and made sure the man didn't get into the room…" I nodded my head, "That was two years ago," I nodded stiffly, "Yup,"

"Jesus, Gabi,"

"I grieved, I hurt, and I got over it."

"That is nightmare worthy though," he said softly, "He was drunk and got pissed so…"

"I don't own guns," Troy whispered into my ear, "I don't get drunk at all really but when I do it is for a reason and last night well…it's a long story that we just don't have time for today but there was a reason and today will be okay and tomorrow will be okay," he kissed my temple, "I love you Troy," he squeezed my shoulder and kissed my temple. "C'mon, we need to get ready for this game. Collin is going to be so excited,"

* * *

Collin was buzzing with excitement even though he woke up and got sick this morning. He still pleaded to go causing Troy and I to laugh. Troy just told him he had to wear a mask for a little bit and then he could take it off when we sat in the suite that the hospital owned. Collin agreed and he quickly got ready. I shook my head with a smile as I went to put on my t-shirt, "No, no, you are wearing a Bronco's shirt," Troy said with a laugh, I shook my head and he kissed my temple.

"Yea,"

"No,"

"Compromise, you wear a Chargers t-shirt and I'll give you a Bronco's crew neck." I agreed and I was glad I agreed as Troy put a pass around my neck. Collin gripped my neck and I smiled, "Troy," I said, he smiled shaking his head as he dragged us through the tunnel. Collin giggled when Troy came across the Bronco locker room. He went right past it and then to the big field, "Co, come here," I gave Troy Collin and we walked onto the field.

"Is this the field?" Collin whispered, Troy and I laughed together as I saw all of the orange running around on the field. "Sanders," Troy called, he walked over with authority and I followed and Collin quickly went shy and I think he was glad to have a mask over his face. "Bolton, what's up man?" Troy shook his head and I followed, "Sanders, this is my girlfriend Gabi and her son Collin," Sanders smiled, and I shook his head, "Nice to meet you,"

Sanders looked at Collin and Collin turned into Troy's shoulder with a shy look, "What's up little man? How old are you?" Collin held up three fingers and Sander's grinned at him, "Do you like to throw a football?" Collin nodded with excitement and Troy put him down, he then looked at Sanders, "Anybody sick in the locker room?" Troy asked, "No," Troy nodded as he took off Collin's mask, which made me nervous.

"His counts were okay the last time," he said to me with a smile, and he got up as Sanders handed a football to Collin and Collin's little legs ran with him across the field as they played. Tears filled my eyes watching him launch the football with his little hands. I put my hands against my lips and Troy wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "Troy," he rubbed my arm, "I owed him and you," I laughed leaning into him as Collin was giggling and laughing genuinely for the first time in a week or more.

Sanders then looked up and he pointed something out to Collin, Troy and I both looked to see Payton Manning as Sanders took Collin over. Troy and I approached quietly to see Collin's reaction, "Collin, I bet you know who this is?" Collin nodded his head with excitement, "Payton!" Troy and I both laughed and Payton laughed as well, Collin quickly hugged him and I laughed. I couldn't hide my tears as Payton accepted it willingly.

"How old are you buddy?"

Collin held up his three fingers again and Payton gave a little bit of a sad smile, "I bet you are the strongest dude out there," Collin giggled and Payton took the ball from Sanders and he found a marker to sign it. I couldn't stop my own tears and Sanders came over and he gave me a side hug, "You are a strong mom and you have a hell of a son," I laughed wiping away tears when Payton gave me a hug as well. "Nobody is stronger than you," I smiled after thanking him and I pulled away.

Troy shook hands and Collin ran around longer with more of the team while more boys signed the football for him. I held it tightly in my hands and when he was worn out, Troy had him wash his hands really well and then he put his mask back on. He got one more round of high-fives and hugs as we exited the field. Troy took us up the back stairs and into a suite that the hospital had.

"Troy! You made it!" His mom and family were all sitting around and Collin quickly went up to Marcus and began to talk to him about everything that just happened on the field. I took a seat on the couch and Troy sat down right next to me after greeting his parents and siblings. He put his hand on my lower back and Sammy collapsed next to me, "I'm super sorry about your job," she said, I shrugged, "It's okay. I was just happy they let me stay on the payroll for as long as they did."

Sammy gave a sad smile and Troy leaned over to kiss my temple, "I love you." He whispered into my ear, "I love you too," Troy smiled as Marcus took Collin across the suite and showed him his view. I leaned into Troy because I was tired from a lack of sleep last night. "I'm going to make sure Marcus isn't corrupting him," I smiled and he got up walking across the room when Sammy sighed, "Last night was completely my fault. He came into the bar in a bad mood and well…I am a bartender. I forget that he has somebody else in his life that can put him into a better mood. He hasn't had somebody in a very long time,"

"I'm not mad Sammy,"

"I know, I just…I have to tell you that you are the best thing that has happened to Troy in fourteen years. The way you make him smile, the way you make him laugh, and he normally brings Kyle to this event that he basically hosts to get money donated to the oncology ward. This is his big party of the year and he loves it." I then noticed as Troy was schmoozing with many different people, he greeted so many, "Troy does this?" I questioned, Sammy nodded, "He fundraises for the kids and he normally brings plenty of kids but this year he is making it all about Co and Neuroblastoma,"

I went speechless while I looked up at him; "Today was a big deal for him and last night he was blowing off stress." I looked at her and she gave me a reassuring smile, "I know you have been dangled with this past about him and well…if you do know the story of Troy then well…you know it but it changes nothing about whom he is today. Once he tells you, that means you just know his past and why he is who he is today but it doesn't change who he is. Troy is the strongest man I have come to know, the job that he chose, the way that he does it, the passion he finds. He is an amazing man. He loves you, he loves Collin, and he let you into his life. I'm not saying you don't need to know eventually but once you know…it won't change anything. It happened."

I looked at her surprised because she was right. If I knew what I knew about Troy then well…I would know. "He didn't kill anybody right?" Sammy smiled, "No, he never went to jail. He just had a rough couple of years and well…he was a good person then, he is a good person now and that is not a sibling bias," I laughed and I hugged Sammy, "Thank you, you're right," she pulled back with a smirk and I shook my head as I looked over at Troy who was holding Collin now. Even if Troy did do something, I loved the man in front of me. Clearly, he was a different man now than he was before and I liked this one. I was okay with not knowing everything because I know that not knowing everything is actually better.

* * *

Troy laid Collin down into his bed as he was out. Troy smiled and looked at him, "He did great today," I nodded my head, "He did. It was a good day for him but he got to have fun." He hugged me from the side, "I want to take him in tomorrow and run his counts. I just want to make sure they weren't too low. If they were I might just run some antibiotics if they are low because he was around a lot of people and it is January."

I nodded resting my head on his chest while we both watched Collin sleep. "C'mon, let's go open a bottle of wine," I followed him through the rooms and he sighed, "I didn't know that you put on a fundraiser," Troy glanced at me, "Sammy or Marcus?"

"Sammy," I said quietly, "She and I talked about last night and I just…" Troy looked at me alarmed which didn't ease the fear wrapping inside of my body. He poured two glasses of wine and I eagerly grabbed mine and took a drink, Troy went down to his living room and he flipped on the fireplace. I followed and sat down next to him on the couch, "I just wanted to tell you Troy, that, no matter what you eventually tell me. It isn't going to change what I feel about you so I don't need to know until you think I am ready to know whatever it is." Troy sighed burying his nose into my hair. "I love you,"

I squeezed his hand, "I love you too,"

"It took a lot to tell me about your mom,"

I smiled, "I miss her everyday,"

"I bet. She seems like an amazing women,"

"She truly was," Troy ran his fingers down my arm and we were both quiet while we listened to the fire. "I talked to Kyle Saturday morning about Collin and I think we are going to make an adjustment to his chemo that we are going to do." I raised an eyebrow to look at him, "We are going to use a more powerful chemo and only do a week of outpatient chemo and then in three weeks we will run scans again, I'll send them to the best surgeon I know and go from there, Gabs, he was so class but his one tumor in his stomach was so large and it is shrinking but slowly."

"Well I like the sound of that a lot better than the every other week,"

"I know this is something we can talk about later but…his surgery will be ugly and painful." I looked at Troy and I sighed whirling my wine around, "How bad?" I asked quietly, "We are going to go for his two main tumors in his belly, the one on his back shoulder, and the one on his hip. A couple different spots on his body that we are going to open up and take out, it will be so hard on his body," he whispered into my hair. I tried to hide my tears thinking about it, "You can't break the surgeries up?" I asked him, "You know how he does with going under," I sighed in agreement and he kissed my temple. "What surgeon?"

Troy took a drink while he stared into the fire, "I have been in contact with two or three different ones. I am leaning towards a surgeon in Boston. There is one at St. Jude's and another in Philly but am really, really leaning towards the one in Boston. He is good at his job and if all goes well Collin will have his chemo week, then we'll fly up privately to Boston to meet with Dr. Andrew's who will be his surgeon. We will run scans, counts, meet, talk, and discuss everything. If that goes well then we will schedule his surgery soon after in Boston, you'll most likely stay in Boston and I'll fly here until his surgery."

"Wait, we would do this in Boston? Away from our home and people?" Troy sighed, "Yes, Collin has some complicated tumors and I want the best for him. We'll get him home as soon as possible but it could be two or three weeks in the hospital after his surgery." I leaned forward while brushing my fingers over my face. "I didn't know,"

"I'm sorry," he rubbed my back, "We'll set you up with Ronald McDonald and I'll be there for the first couple of visits, I do have to come back to work for a bit but then I'll be there for his surgery and most of his recovery." I leaned into him and Troy rubbed my arm, "This chemo is kind of a pre-surgery chemo, Kyle and I talked about it and I talked with the surgeon in Boston and feels comfortable removing the tumors with what the last scans said."

"Comfortable,"

"Is a relative term…"

I set my empty wine glass down and I looked at Troy, his blue eyes were sparkling and his face was so concerned. I reached my fingers up to his face and I let them trace the outline of his jaw and then back up to his face. Troy smiled and he gently set his wine glass down and put his hands on my hips and I put my hands on his face as I pulled him in for a deep kiss. Troy gripped me closer to him; his hands went up the side of my rib cage while the kiss intensified.

"Is this how you handle bad news?" he whispered, I laughed pulling away, my breath ragged as he held me tight. We looked into each other's eyes and he stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I love you Gabs," I smiled leaning forward to press my lips to his, "I love you too," I said quietly, "I love you too."

* * *

 _Thursday, January 22_ _nd_ _, 2015_

Collin was passed out in the back seat while Troy drove along the highway towards Steamboat. We were only about thirty minutes out as I sighed, the hum of my sigh carrying over to Troy. "Your awake," I looked over at him and let out a smile, "Yea, how long has Co been out?" Troy looked back at him, "I don't know, about an hour."

"You never told me what his counts came back as,"

"Great," Troy responded looking over at me, "He wouldn't be here if it wasn't good." I smiled and I sat up more in my chair. I looked at the mountains that were covered in snow and the side of the roads. We had a full fresh dump of snow over the past couple of weeks that it was fine being locked in a house. Sam and Mariah had been over plenty and we had celebrated that Ryan had gone in remission with his cancer.

"So what is the plan for the evening?"

"Dinner and a movie," Troy said, "Tomorrow, you are going to the spa and I am going to take your child up onto the mountain and teach him how to snowboard." I smiled at Troy and he smiled back at him, "He is going to love it." Troy gave me a smile because when we got back on Monday, Collin was going to do his next chemo round but thankfully it was outpatient. We would spend more of our day in the clinic but we would go home to our bed at night.

"Saturday, you are going snowboarding with us and then we are going to do some shopping if Collin feels up to it," I nodded my head and then Troy sighed, "Then the trip back on Sunday. Nothing much." I smiled, "I think I like the sound of that." Troy reached over and rubbed my knee gently, "So tell me Ms. Montez, what are you most looking forward too?" I leaned my head back and looked over at him, "I think I am looking to a nice massage and a couple glasses of wine. I am looking forward to seeing Collin's big smiles and you being an awesome guy,"

Troy laughed, "I think you'll have a great weekend,"

"I think I agree,"

Troy and I shared a smile with each other and he reached over to hold my hand. I gripped it tightly and his thumb ran over my hand. I smiled because these are the memories I was going to cherish from this time.

* * *

 _Friday, January 23_ _rd_ _, 2015_

Troy's POV

I laughed with Collin as he slid down the small hill on the little snowboard. He was doing so well with it and was smiling, laughing; I kept taking pictures for Gabi because this was what she needed to see. I smiled at Collin as I followed him down the hill coming to stop spraying him with snow. He laughed and I smiled shaking my head, "Dad! Can we do it again?" I looked down at my watch, "Yes, one more time though and then we are going to get hot chocolate and then go snuggle with your momma,"

Collin agreed as we made our way back to the top of the bunny hill for kids around his age. We made it back to the top and he quickly went back down but tumbled towards the end. I could hear him laughing from here so I went down after him. I landed at the spot next to him, "Alright big guy," I helped him out of his snowboard. I then picked it up along with mine as I grabbed his hand. He looked up at me with his pink cheeks and a big smile, "Dad, that was fun!" I laughed; "Did you like that?" he nodded, "Yes! Can we take mommy tomorrow?"

"We sure can,"

We got back to the beaten path and I returned the snowboards that we had borrowed. I picked up Collin after that while we began the walk back to the hotel room. I stopped along the way to pick up two hot chocolates and we sat at a table in the inside area. I sat him down and he giggled while taking a drink, I reached over to unzip his jacket and pulled off his gloves. I kept his hat on his head but I took his wet jacket off to reveal his fleece one.

His cheeks were pink along with his nose but the smile on his face told me that he wasn't that cold. I took my own jacket off and my gloves. "Co, are you feeling okay?" he nodded with a smile, "You make mommy happy," I looked at him surprised that he brought Gabi up, "She used to cry a lot when I was in the hospital, she doesn't cry anymore." I looked up at him because she did cry, just not around him but she was genuinely happier.

"I'm glad,"

"I'm happy that mommy is happy," he took another drink and he looked outside, Collin may have been three but he was wise beyond his years. "Co, your mommy loves you a lot." Collin giggled, "I know, she tells me all the time."

"I love you too Co," he looked up at me and a little laugh escaped, "I love you too dad," my chest broke and he smiled, he got down from his chair and he came over to me to wrap his arms around me. I hugged him back tightly, "Co, we need to talk about something for a minute okay?" he nodded and I let him rest on my lap while I looked at him. "On Monday, we are going to do more yucky medicine," his face fell but I tapped his nose. "But, you get to go home the same night with mommy and I'll be home as well." He looked at me with curiosity, "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday will be the last couple of days that you have to have yucky medicine,"

Collin looked at me with tears in his eyes, "Mommy doesn't like yucky medicine, I don't like yucky medicine," I sighed holding him close, "I don't like it either Collin, but if you have a good week Collin then we'll celebrate and have Ryan and Kale over to play but you have to be good for mommy okay? She doesn't want to do this either, she doesn't want to take you either okay?" Collin nodded his head, "I'll be there every morning, I'll access your port, and then you can color or watch movies while you get chemo, okay?"

He nodded into my shoulder, I noticed he was upset so I rubbed his arm, "What's wrong buddy?" he shrugged, "Mommy doesn't like when I cry, because then she cries." I sighed quietly and I rubbed his arm, "You can cry Co, and it will stay between us okay?" he nodded and he pressed his face into my chest. I held him like that for a bit and when he pulled away his nose was runny and I wiped away his tears. "Are you ready to go see mommy? I bet she misses you."

He nodded slipping off my lap and I grabbed all of our clothes and tossed our drinks as I tugged off his hat as he ran by me. I took my own off as we got onto the elevator. It took us up to the 15th floor and Collin ran off and down the hall. I followed behind with the keycard and I put it into the door, I pushed it open and Collin ran into the room. "Mommy!"

"Hi sweet boy!" I hung our stuff up and then went around the corner to see Gabi hugging him, "Did you have fun?"

"Yes! Dad is good at it! I fell a lot though." I smiled while looking at them, Gabi looked up at me and she smiled, "Hi," I smiled, "Hi," I slipped off my pants and Gabi did the same with Collin. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and tossed a pair of Collin's to Gabi. He changed into the warm dry clothes; I crawled into the bed and buried myself underneath of the blankets. Gabi and Collin laughed but I smiled at them while I tried to not shut my eyes.

"Did you wear him out Co?"

"Yes," I mumbled, Gabi crawled under the blankets with Collin lying between us on the bed. I wrapped the blankets around us tighter and I smiled, "How was your morning?"

"Fantastic," I reached over to run my fingers through her hair, "Good, you deserve it," she kissed my fingers and I shook my head. She smiled over Collin's head and I tried to conceal mine but it didn't work. We both gave a look towards each other but she pulled Collin just an inch closer to him. "I love you," I whispered across to her, "I love you too." She kissed the back of Collin's head causing warmth of happiness spread through me.

* * *

Gabi's POV

 _Saturday, January 24_ _th_ _, 2015_

 _Gabi's POV_

Collin and I sat just on the other side of the biggest slope because we were going to watch Troy go down before heading back for a nap, a warm shower for adults, and then to get some dinner. "Where is he?" Collin squirmed in my lap and I looked up for Troy's orange snowboard that he grabbed this morning just for this reason. "It shouldn't be too much longer," I watched the lifts and then I spotted Troy's, "There," I pointed out and Collin squinted.

"I see him!" Troy leaped off and Collin squealed with excitement, Troy began to maneuver down the long hill when he went for the slope. I let my eyes go wide as he leapt off of the slope and did a twist before continuing down the hill. "Mommy! Did you see that!" I nodded my head, "Yes! He is quite the snowboarder," I whispered stunned myself, Troy glided down the hill without much more effort and came to a complete stop at the bottom. Collin bounced off my lap and I got up to follow as Troy took off his helmet and unlatched his snowboard from his feet.

"Dad! You're good!" Troy laughed and I stood up to follow, "Yes, Mr. Bolton, you are rather good…" Troy tried to hide his sheepish smile, "I was pretty good." He admitted, "That was nothing there," I rolled my eyes and Troy shook his head, "We'll have to take a trip to the beach and let your mom surf," I shot my eyes up, "I haven't surfed since my last day in California,"

"That was only three years ago, I bet you can pick it up." Troy brushed his fingers through his hair and shook it; "I haven't done that in a year or two. It is kind of second nature,"

"You did that growing up?"

"Marcus and I would go find some mountain to slide down, I got really into it during high school and then I went to college and you lose things." I nodded my head with a smile and Troy picked up Collin, "How did you spin?"

"I'll teach you one day," Troy promised, we started to walk back towards the hotel while Collin rested his head on Troy's shoulder. "Do we have to go home?" Troy laughed, "This is fun isn't it?" Collin agreed and we put our boards away while I walked inside. Troy got onto the elevator as we started to take our wet clothes off. Once we got to our room, we put our wet clothes into the dryer and then I got Collin into a pair of cozy PJ's.

"I'm sleepy," I smiled, "I know bud, get some rest," I kissed his forehead while tucking him in, "Mommy, I like to snowboard. Can we do it more?" I smiled with a nod, "Yea, right after we are all done with yucky medicine and surgeries." Collin smiled, "I had fun mommy,"

"Did you?"

"Yes," I smiled, "Good, I love you Co,"

"I love you too."

His eyes began to fall asleep and I pushed off the bed and I went into the bathroom to strip off the rest of my clothes off. Troy was turning on the shower and I sighed, "Thank you for this weekend," I said turning to face him. "I know the next several weeks are going to be difficult and it was nice to have a happy moment, to have these memories." Troy smiled, "You are more than welcome. I am really happy you both had fun."

I walked over and Troy wrapped his arms around me, "You should have told me you were better at snowboarding," Troy laughed, "It isn't something I share. I just picked up some things along the way and put it all together. I don't think I ever actually had somebody teach me." I smiled tilting my head back, "I love you," he leaned down to kiss me and I kissed him back, "I love you too." I pressed my ear to his beating chest and he rubbed my arms gently.

I smiled thinking about every memory I made with both of them this weekend. Collin wouldn't stop talking about the bunny hill that him and Troy would snowboard down together and the laughs that Troy provided to the both of us. The memories that we were cherishing deep in my heart, his eyes would light up when he walked around and I knew how much Collin loved having Troy around. I knew how much I loved Troy.

The common dominator was Troy and the way he loved so hard and so deeply. The smiles he would bring and the laughs. I loved it all.

* * *

 **Happy Monday! I hope you guys have a fantastic week!**

 **I love you guys and thanks for the patience! Senior year is a BUSY year. Whew!**

 **Thanks for the love!**

 **Please Review!**


	22. Hard Times

Chapter 22 – Hard Times

" _You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to trust, breathe, let go and see what happens."_

I may have been a wild child but I always had an outline of a plan. I always knew that I would go to a fancy high school; I knew I would go to college, and I would eventually know that I wanted to go to law school, and become a kick ass lawyer. Family law didn't find me until during law school but I always had an outline of a plan.

Once I knew about Collin, I squished him into my plan. I crunched and I made him fit into my plan like he was supposed to be there all along. I made Collin fit into my plan and he fit nicely once he was here. I just added daycare into my daily plan. I added more love. I added more hugs. I just added more to my daily plan. As my career and motherhood took off, I started to have more in depth plans. I started to list things and keep track of everything.

I had a plan for everything. I had a plan for when Collin was sick, I was sick. I had a plan for when things went wrong in the courtroom. I had a plan to every court case. I am a planner. I have always been a planner and then cancer was thrown into my life.

Cancer had a plan too. At first, it was a plan I could handle. We did the same thing for six months and normally Collin would respond the same exact way. It normally would follow a plan and I could handle that but then the plan fell apart. The plan fell through the cracks and things began to fall apart. I was a control freak. I have always been a control freak and I liked to be in control of everything. I couldn't control cancer.

Cancer was controlling me.

It scared the living hell out of me.

* * *

 _Tuesday, January 27_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

The chemo slowly dripped into Collin while he watched a movie on the iPad. I was growing stir crazy because we had been here since nine this morning and it was almost four in the afternoon. My eyes glanced over to the window where pictures of that kids have drawn were hanging and snow was pouring from the sky. The white snowflakes fell to the earth in a calm matter and it only made me sleepy. Collin had already taken a nap today and surprisingly; he didn't complain one bit about coming in today or yesterday. I was amazed when I told him that we were going to the hospital for yucky medicine and he didn't complain. Troy accessed his port and they smiled at each other like they had a great secret.

Troy must have done something with him that made him act that way, yet, it was completely refreshing to not have to carry a screaming child to the car, to not have to carry him inside the hospital while screaming. It was a nice change of pace, Troy accessed his port both morning and got his IV fluids underway and offered Collin a coloring sheet. Collin colored for most of the morning, napped, and he even ate some pudding. I was amazed and wish that all of his chemos had gone like this. Even when we went home yesterday, he was only had nausea and never actually puked. He slept most of the night and was in a better mood in the morning. I heard beeping from across the room and I glanced over to see a teenager hooked to a machine, she looked at the monitor annoyed and a nurse went over to her. She spit fire back and I was glad Collin was doing this at three. He at least would never really remember this. A nurse came over and she had another bag, "Just the last drug that we are adding today and then you'll be out of here,"

Just another drug we are adding today. Troy mentioned there was one he would get on Tuesday and Thursday this week, one that was more risky and would probably cause the puking. I was concerned for how this last one would go but we would have to see. They talked about all of the drugs with me but I could never remember all of the names. I was terrible with names.

I nodded my head but I looked back outside to the plows pushing the snow out of the way. I chewed on my lower lip as Troy admitted to us this morning and we hadn't seen him since. He said he had a busy week ahead of him but he also told me on the way home Sunday night that he wasn't taking on any new cases for the time being. He wanted to spend time with Collin and I and help us prepare for Boston, which was our likely destination once this chemo was over. Troy promised that it was the best doctor he could think of for Collin's case. The doctor was very good at his job and loved working with kids. I had only been to Boston once with my dad years ago so it would be an adventure for all of us.

Collin's monitor began to beep and I looked over at it, I didn't know what was wrong but I looked at him and he looked to have difficulty breathing. He sucked in a breath but it wheezed out and each time he did it, it got worse causing panic to run through his body causing his pulse to rise rapidly. I began to panic when his machine went haywire, his brown eyes looked into mine for help, he went to speak but nothing came from his voice, his pulse shot up when the nurses came barging through. They began to push buttons on the machines and push me gently out of the way. He was crying now and he was looking at me trying to get help from me but I couldn't help him. "Co, baby," I encouraged but he didn't speak while tears ran down his face. I shot up from my spot, "What's happening?" I felt my heart race inside of my chest when I heard a scramble of feet.

This wasn't how it was suppose to go. Troy told me that it was a painless day of chemo and then we would get to go home.

I put my hands on the top of my head and I tried to breathe but they were doing chest compressions on Collin and I began to panic. "What happened?" Kyle fled by me and he went right next to the nurses when two arms secured me tightly pulling me backwards. I screamed trying to pull away because I wanted to hold his hand; I had to be there for him. I had to be there for him. Tears were running down my face at rapid speed when he spoke gently, "Gabs," but I screamed trying to get back to Collin. Troy picked me up easily and he took me completely out of the room. The doors collapsed behind us but I kicked against him to get loose. I wanted to be with my son.

My eyes were bouncing everywhere and I looked at him as he pressed me back against the wall, his hands were firm not giving me any chance to get away from him, "Gabi, breathe," he looked at me and I looked at him as tears welled in my eyes. "What happened?" I blubbered, Troy stroked my arm, "I don't know but Kyle is with him, you are going to be okay, he is going to be okay. If I had to guess, he is having an allergic reaction to the chemo that he received." I looked at him and Troy pulled me close to him. He whispered into my ear but my sobs shook my shoulders with heartache. I gripped his button up shirt and pulled it between my fingers.

Sobs escaped my chest and I heard yelling from Kyle but Troy only pulled me in tighter against him, buzzing was the only thing I could hear and the sobs leaving my mouth. He kept my head in his chest and I knew it was Collin on a gurney rushing by me. I tried to fight against his hand but he was too strong. I tore away from him and he let me go, I spun around looking for Collin but he was gone. Everything was spinning around me and I felt my body gasping for air. My chest was expanding so rapidly with fear and panic. "Gabi, baby," Troy's blue eyes held a lock of concern, "What is wrong with him? Where is my son?" Troy touched my arm gently, his face fearing that I would fall apart in front of him.

He grabbed my arm gently, "How about we go to the floor and find out but you need to calm down," he stroked my cheek gently, "You have to breathe for me because you are two seconds away from passing out from lack of air, so look at me," I looked into his eyes and he had me repeat his breathing pattern, I felt my heart rate lower and I ran my fingers through my hair. I turned around and I slammed my palm into the wall. "What happened?" I cried turning to face him. "You said it could make him puke,"

Troy exhaled and I pressed my hands to my eyes, "Gabs, I know less than you know. I don't even know what happened," he said gently, "Kyle got paged 911 to the clinic, I was already on my way down there to check on you and when I saw the nurses pushing you back, I panicked and grabbed you. That is all I know." I looked at him with tears in my eyes, "She just started the last drug saying that we would be done after this and that this was the one we were only doing twice this week." Troy nodded his head; "He was fine for a couple of minutes and then his machine started to beep. He looked like he was having trouble breathing and when he went to talk to me he couldn't and was crying. HE was pleading for ME to help him and I couldn't,"

Troy wrapped me in his arms again, "The next thing I know they were doing chest compressions on him and I want to know how my baby is doing,"

"C'mon," he said gently, he pulled at my hand and we went to the elevator. He rode up with me and when we got to the floor, Troy had me wait at the nurse's station. He then disappeared back into the room where I could see his voice rise with the way his shoulders pulled back. I pressed my palms into my eyes with tears still running when the door to Collin's room opened, "Troy, you are his father figure. Get the hell out."

My gut kicked in because this wasn't good. I sank to the floor because this wasn't the plan. None of this was going to plan.

* * *

My head buzzed with pain and my throat felt drier than the desert. My eyes tried to open but the bright lights above me were too much. I turned my head away and I let out a shallow breath of air and I felt his hand over top of mine. "Brie," he said quietly, I turned my head and opened my eyes once more and Troy was looking at me. He was in a Kansas shirt and I felt confused. "What happened?" I whispered he brushed my hair away from my face.

"You flipped out. You passed out." Troy said softly, I tried to sit up quickly but Troy pressed me back down gently, "Collin is stable and okay," he said quietly, "We can go visit him but you have to promise me to keep your cool. You can't freak out like that again," I looked at him and I nodded my head, he leaned over and kissed my forehead. "I love you," he whispered, "What happened?" I asked him again and this time he understood what I was asking. "He had a severe allergic reaction to the last drug we gave him. It closed off his airways and it caused his blood pressure to tank." I felt tears fill my eyes. "He was intubated and within thirty minutes after getting a form of an epi pen he fought off the ventilation. He is sedated currently to let him rest."

I sat up and Troy let me this time, "This wasn't how it was supposed to go,"

"No, it wasn't. He should be waking up soon. He is going to be just fine." I nodded and I swung my legs away from the bed. Troy rubbed my back gently and he opened his office door. I took a step out and I went across the nurse's station where I saw Kyle in a room. He was sitting on a stool watching him sleep when I burst through the door. "He is doing good, he should be awake soon." I ignored him as I went over pressing my lips to his head.

"I love you, I love you," I felt tears drip down my face and I let my fingers run down his face. I looked at every single little feature from his little nose, his pink cheeks, the chin that stuck out, and the lack of hair on his face. "I love you," I kissed his forehead and I let my lips stay there. I breathed and I wiped my tears away, "Gabi, we need to talk," Kyle said gently, "Kyle," Troy stressed, "It has been a rough night," My eyes looked up at the two of them, "What?" Troy hesitated, "C'mon, let's talk in the hallway."

I looked at Collin and then back up towards Troy, I nodded my head and I kissed Collin's forehead again. I went out into the hallway as a chill swept over my body. Chewing on my lip I felt the blood pool in my mouth when Kyle looked at me, "Gabi, we could continue this protocol of chemo without the last one but that was the one that was probably going to make the biggest difference." Kyle said with a shaky look, "And he can't have it again or anything like that again or it could be worse."

I ran my hands over my face and I let out an exhausted breath of air, "What does this mean?" my voice was quiet and Troy looked at me with a pained look on his face, "It means the next step is doing his old chemo protocol again for the last round or we just skip to surgery." I felt my stomach tighten, "Why do I get the feeling that neither of these are a good idea?"

"We just don't feel like the old protocol is going to do what we want but surgery could be risky with the size of his tumor. Obviously, they could open him up and it could be perfect but it is lying on an artery, which is the biggest concern. We were hoping that if we shrank it then it could move off but it hasn't which was the hope with the other chemo." I looked up at Troy, "What would you do Troy?" he cleared his throat, "I would take him to Boston Gabs,"

"What would they do?"

"They will run scans of their own, do some testing and then they might do a chemo protocol or they could decide to just do his surgery. I don't know, I would go with you and we would work it out but it needs to be soon before the cancer becomes even more aggressive. We'll keep him on his oral medication but I am thinking we need to be in Boston by Friday," my head was spinning and I took a deep breath and I tried to relax.

"What," I whispered, he reached over for my hand slowly, "I know, this is all happening so fast,"

"This wasn't the plan," I stressed, "We had time and,"

"And now we are racing against the clock."

"From what?" I wanted to scream but I kept it inside of me, I kept my body calm. I kept my tears from spilling and my jaw was shaking, "Gabs, Neuroblastoma is very aggressive, especially what he is dealing with so we don't want to sit around and wait this out. He needs the next step quickly. If we are in Boston by Friday, they will run his scans and then do eval and then schedule it for a week later. We just don't want it to spread any further than it is because he will be going without chemo,"

"What if we just did his last chemo while we waited," Troy shook his head, "Gabi,"

"You aren't giving me any answers!" I argued, "You are giving me these bullshit lines," I pulled at my hair and I looked into the room to see Collin's brown eyes. I pushed into the room leaving the two doctors, "Mommy, I don't feel good," he whispered, I cried at his voice while we both started to cry. I kissed on his face as we both cried together. "I love you so much baby," I stroked his face and I crawled into the bed with him.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly and he buried his face into my body. Troy came into the room and Collin lit up, "Dad," Troy smiled grabbing his hand and pulling up the stool. "Hey big man," Troy stroked his face with a smile then Troy looked at me, "Gabs," he said quietly, I shook my head, and "I just want to spend the rest of this night with my son okay?" Troy grimaced and nodded his head, "Okay," he didn't move for a couple of minutes but he backed away while I held onto Collin. I just wanted to hold onto Collin.

* * *

Troy's POV

The clock hovered around eleven thirty, as it was dark outside. My eyes lingered on Gabi and Collin lying in the bed together. "You can leave," I said quietly too Kyle, "I can look over your patients. I am not leaving." Kyle looked over at me while I rubbed my face, "Why are you so scared of telling her that if it spreads any further, we are talking about a terminal illness?" I swallowed on the lump in my throat, "Because I don't want to freak her out."

"Dude,"

"He got a chemo yesterday, we can repeat the protocol like we were going to do for tomorrow. I know we will be missing a day and the most important drug but we can do it. I'll talk to her in the morning when she is more willing to talk and not tired. We'll discuss it and she will understand, Gabi always has a plan and we just dropped a bombshell on her that she doesn't have time to plan. She is in shock, her child basically coded in front of her, and she is scared. Give her time."

"Troy,"

"Kyle, we have some time. He has had zero tumors pop up,"

"But he has been on a 30 day cycle,"

"Don't you think I know his case back and front because I do. I know every single fact about the case and I am doing my best."

"You're doing you're best with your feelings." Kyle threw back at me, I worked my jaw in a circle and I shook my head, "No, I am doing this as his doctor too. What would you be doing?" Kyle shared a look with me, "I would be calling Boston, I would be contacting a foundation to pay for a private jet to get her to Boston because he doesn't have a strong enough immune system to get him half way across the country on a jet full of germy people, I would be doing so much more but you are waiting for her approval first so you don't lose her respect first."

"You're his doctor, you have to sign half of that shit anyways," I grumbled, "Troy, you are the one in contact with Boston! I have never worked through Boston," my eyes lingered on Gabi in the room curled up with Collin and knew that Kyle was correct. I knew I needed to be doing more but I loved _her._ I looked over at Kyle who was staring at me blankly because he knew what I needed to do. He was right. I needed to be getting everything in order.

I picked up the phone and I called Boston Children's to speak with Dr. Andrew's. "Troy," he spoke finely, "Andrews," I said with a quiet voice, "My Neuroblastoma patient had an allergic reaction to his chemo protocol. We are going to do the third day which doesn't have what he is allergic too and then we are out of steps," I said quietly, "I see, is this the one similar?"

"Yes," I clipped him off, "I see. Okay, I can clear my schedule Friday afternoon to see him in Boston. Is this okay?" I breathed, "I hope so."

"You hope so?" he questioned puzzled, I sighed, "I know so Dr. Andrews, I just don't know if the mom does."

"In the forms you sent me a while ago, it said you would be coming too." Dr. Andrew's spoke, "You haven't come with a patient in a very long time,"

"I have never come to see you with a patient," I reminded him, "You have only ever come to Denver once," I reminded him, "Awh yes, besides our communication through phone and email."

"This is my girlfriend's son," I finally spit, "I am not doing this for nothing."

"Of course, of course," he said quietly, "How did you wind up in this situation?" I sighed, "Dr. Andrew's does Friday work?" he didn't say anything for a moment and he cleared his throat, "You got it," I hung up the phone and my eyes looked up at Gabi in the doorway, "Get your head out of your ass Troy," Kyle said tapping my shoulder, I didn't look at him, I just looked at Gabi who brushed her fingers over Collin's face and my heart broke.

* * *

Gabi's POV

I smoothed my hands down my legs, my sweat wiping off because I was nervous and scared. I knocked on Troy's office door softly because maybe he was on the phone or because he was busy, I knew he was here though because he disappeared back here and never came back. He never left earlier because he wouldn't leave me alone and I knew I overreacted when I talked to him and Kyle. I was just so…scared. "Come in," his voice was tired as I pushed the door open and then crossed my arms tightly over my chest. "Hi," I whispered quietly, my eyes were shy to meet his but once they did they took my breath away, they always took my breath away.

He looked up with a bit of surprise, he shut his MacBook while giving me a once over with his eyes, "Are you okay?" he asked me, I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and I just nodded, "I'm okay, I just need you to talk to me. I need everything." Troy stood up and he came over to the doorway where I had planted myself. He stroked my cheek with his thumb but I pulled away from him. I didn't need him to be my boyfriend right now. "Please, don't be my boyfriend Troy," he exhaled with a pained breath.

"Gabs," he started with a desperate look.

"Troy," I begged, "Please," he looked at me eyes and he judged everything that he saw, and only nodded his head and turned around to sit on the couch, "Come here," his voice held tension and I just wanted to close my eyes and forget any of this was happening. I just wanted to forget and wind up on a beach in the middle of the California with my healthy son. I wanted to be with my healthy son.

I didn't have a healthy son.

I sat down next to him and his hand covered my knee while I just looked in my lap. My eyes focused on the blue jeans I was wearing until my vision started to blur and only then did I realize they were blurring from tears. "I know this is ugly Troy," my words were pained as they left my mouth and my voice shook with anger, "I know this is bad and I just want to know, I don't like sugarcoating anything, I hate it and I just want you to tell me,"

"Oh Brie," he whispered as he wiped away my tears, "Troy, just tell me!" I argued.

"You're right," he spoke, "It is definitely ugly." He let out a long breath and I finally looked at him. "Collin's cancer is aggressive and we have done a great job controlling the spreading of the cancer so far but we are afraid if he goes too long without chemo that it will rapidly grow from there. If it begins to invade his liver and other organs we are looking at a lot of devastating problems."

I breathed, "So you are saying doing another month of his old protocol isn't going to work?" Troy nodded, "Yea, I think it would put him through hell and wouldn't reward with the results that we want. It would definitely not spread the cancer but I think it is not going to shrink the tumors much more which leads me to believe that surgery is his best call and soon." I rubbed my face and nodded, "So the surgery?"

"Surgery is his best bet for kicking this thing out the door? His bone marrow would be our next worry but that is down the road. Gabi, I promise, the surgery will help him." I closed my eyes and I covered my face, "I'm scared, I don't want to lose him." Troy circled his arms around me tightly and pressed his lips into my temple, "I love you and Dr. Andrew's is very, very good at his job." I opened my eyes to look at him, "What are the odds I lose him because of his surgery?"

"Slim," he said stroking my hair, "Very slim," I looked at him and he looked right at me, "This surgery is going to help him 100%." I pressed my face into his neck, "Don't leave me okay?" he stroked my arm up and down, and "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered into my ear, "I'm not going anywhere,"

* * *

 _Wednesday, January 28_ _th_ _, 2015_

I was packing things up for Boston in Troy's house, he had demanded that I go home for a couple of hours and just get out of the hospital. I didn't want to leave and I didn't want to stay but I was just…stuck and scared and afraid. All of these emotions were running through me and it scared me. "Hello?" I looked up and I quickly moved out of the room to see Sam and Mariah standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Gabi,"

Tears welled in my eyes, "Troy called us,"

"I have been such a horrible friend," I whispered quietly, "Oh no sweetie," Mariah wrapped me in her arms tightly, "You are not being a bad friend, you are buried in life right now." She rubbed my arm, "I have so much to be doing,"

"Boston is a big trip," Mariah said with a small smile, Sam wrapped me in a hug next and she showed me the bottle of red wine, "C'mon, we are going to drink, help you pack, and talk about everything and anything that you want to talk about. It was your boyfriend's instructions." I laughed with tears running down my face, they started to pour drinks into wine glasses and we went down to Collin's room. "How long are they expecting you to be in Boston?"

I exhaled while taking a long drink of my wine, "About a month," I looked up at them with a shrug, "Troy can only be there for about two weeks total. He was thinking of getting us settled, leaving, then flying back for the surgery, for the first couple of days of recovery, leaving, and then coming back on and off after that until he is released to go home." Mariah rubbed my knee; "You'll make friends up there. It's easy to do."

My shoulders shrugged and I swirled my wine in a circle, "I don't know what to do,"

"You're are so strong," Sam said rubbing my knee, "I am not any stronger than you guys," I said with a glance, "You guys are just as strong,"

"Yea, but we have people. You don't have people," I shook my head, "That's a lie, I have people. I have you guys, I have Troy, I even have Troy's family now and I am a living mess." I crossed my legs as I sat on Collin's bed, "That is seven more people than I had at the beginning of this journey." Mariah and Sam shared a smile and then they looked around the room, "What's the deal with the big house? He lives here by himself doesn't he?"

I nodded my head, "Yup, I mean, before us." Mariah frowned, "I guess he must have liked it," I shrugged my shoulder while I kept my back against the wall. The girls started to take action and I tried to stop them but they declined, "Trust me, you'll be thankful that Mariah is doing this. She is a packing genius," I glanced over at her, my wine glass close to my lips again, "Why didn't you pack our apartment?" she snorted, "I stayed far away from that." We both laughed and we started to talk about different types of things.

Our conversations jumped from high school boyfriends to dating in college and then the birth of our children. We jumped to how cancer invaded our lives and I barely noticed those two hours later that the packing was basically done. My eyes lingered on the packed suitcases and the bags full of everything we would need. "Where are you staying?"

"We will be staying at the Ronald McDonald House." I confirmed, "Troy double checked this morning that we had a room for us three. Once he has his surgery we'll probably give our room up to somebody else while we stay in the hospital,"

"Oh no, don't do that. You're going to need a place outside of the hospital."

"I'm not leaving him by himself,"

"What if Troy was there?" I hesitated and I shook my head, "I don't know," I answered, "We haven't gotten that far." Mariah opened the second bottle of wine while she poured more glasses, and somehow mine was the fullest out of all of them. I laid my head down on Sam's lap and she stroked my hair, "I love you guys," I said with a smile, "I love that you are here with me and you helped me back, you let me talk about all of my problems and you let me into your lives. You are amazing,"

"Well you're an amazing mother," Mariah said tugging my foot, I smiled and I let out a long breath, "What if it all goes wrong?"

"What is the number one rule about the cancer ward?" Sam asked me, I rolled my eyes, "Don't play with the what ifs," I mumbled, she patted my forehead, "Very good young one," I laughed and I sat up again with a shake of my head, "Did Troy really send you guys?" They both nodded their heads, "Yes, he called Sam and told him that you were pretty upset over the whole thing. He told us he sent you home for the night and figured you could probably use some company."

"I love him," I whispered lying my cheek on my knees, "He loves you just as much, if not more." I rubbed my lips together, "He loves Collin so much and Y'know, Troy Bolton has some hidden secrets in his skeleton but I just really love him."

"Hidden secrets?" Mariah asked, I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know, I have gotten these weird hints from his family and stuff, I just…I'm not concerned. I love him." Sam sighed, "How is his family?"

"Nice, I really like his sister and brother. His mom is a doll and his dad is quiet and reserved. The family is very balanced and I love it. We had a good Christmas over there and it was nice." I smiled, "It felt like I had a family again. They all just adored Collin and that is the first thing to win my heart. I love when they love my little guy," Mariah smiled, "You'll always have my family too." Mariah squeezed my leg and Sam smiled, "Sam, I know we are similar in family styles but…"

I laughed when my phone rang on the floor. I reached over for it to see it was Troy; I stood up and walked into the hallway. "Hello?" I heard the girls moving inside the room, "Hey, you doing okay?" I smiled, "I am having a good night,"

"Good, you deserve one." I pressed my lips together, "Thank you for inviting them over," I said leaning back against the wall, "I just want you to know that this is your house too now. You don't have to tip toe around or whatever, invite your friends over and have fun." I smiled, "Thanks Troy, I love you."

"I love you too baby,"

"How is Co man?"

"Okay, he is tired,"

"I bet,"

"We'll be home in the morning. Don't even come to the hospital, I'll discharge him myself so we can get ready for the airport and our flight." I breathed a heavy sigh, "This is all happening so fast,"

"I know," he soothed, "I know, but you go have fun with your friends okay?" I nodded my head and rubbed my arms up and down. "Okay,"

"Go," he encouraged, I hesitated once more, "Is he really doing okay?" Troy let a belly of a laugh go, "Gabs, I promise, we are both fine. I will call you if disaster strikes." I sighed and I bid one last good-bye. I hung up the phone and looked back at my friends. Friends. It was something I hadn't really had since my study group at law school, which really was just more of a study group. I smiled while I sat around and were poured another glass of wine.

I needed this.

* * *

 _Thursday, January 29_ _th_ _, 2015_

"Mommy, wake up," the sticky fingers pressed into my cheek as I peeled my eyes open for the bright sun to enter the room and the look of Collin's deep brown eyes looking into mine. I smiled, "Hi sweetie," I ran my hands across his baldhead with my eyes shut again. "Mommy, daddy says that we are going on a plane today!"

I just nodded my head when I heard Troy's deep laugh causing me to turn my head to look at him. He smiled a big grin that made my stomach tighten. I smiled back at him while he slid down on the bed to lie on top of me. Collin laughed, "Daddy," Troy smiled burying his nose into my neck. He pressed his lips against me while I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Mommy, are we going to fly?"

"We're going to fly," I answered looking over at him. Troy turned his head to face Collin, "How are you feeling buddy?"

"Tired," he answered with a yawn; Troy reached over and easily pulled him onto the bed. He giggled against my chest where Troy had rested him. "Did he do well last night?" my eyes turned towards Troy and he nodded, "We both slept through the night. He handled the chemo well," I kissed the top of his head, "When do we leave?"

"Later this afternoon. We have time." I nodded, as I looked down at Collin almost asleep. "Do you want to take him to his room?" I asked, my eyes glanced up at Troy and he raised an eyebrow, "Yes, of course," he scooped him up and carried him down the hall. I closed my eyes again until I heard the door click shut and the lock twist in place.

"Ms. Montez, I feel like there was an invitation in there and it wasn't for sleep," he crawled onto the bed as I sat up, my eyes looked across to him, "Nope, it surely wasn't for sleep." He let a grin bloom on his face when I straddled his lap. My hands gripped the back of his neck while I lowered my lips to his. "Good morning," he whispered once I pulled back, I kissed him again and this time his lips parted for me. "Gabs," he breathed in deeply, "Hmm?" I kissed below his ear and he held me tightly, "Gabs," I finally looked at him and his blue eyes sparkled with a hint of something I couldn't put my finger on. "What?" he smiled while his thumb stroked my cheek gently.

"Are you okay?" I pulled away from him and his fingers dropped from my skin, "What?" I questioned, he stroked my cheek, "Are you okay? All of this is happening so fast and I know you had an okay night last night but I am still concerned." I pushed off of him and laid flat on the bed, "Troy, I thought we were going to have ten minutes without talking about everything." He sighed, "I'm sorry," he rubbed my elbow, "I have spent the past forty-eight hours thinking about how fast this is moving and how I have zero control of anything happening,"

Troy moved his hand over top mine, "That is exactly why I am asking if you are okay. Everything moved so fast and I know that you love control." I rolled onto my side while I faced the wall. Troy pulled me against him, his hand rested on my hip while he gently kissed the back of my neck. "I'm confused," I opened up, "I'm exhausted…I'm scared…" his hot breath caused my stomach to tighten. "It's okay to be scared," tears welled up in my eyes, I tried to hold it all in but my silence caused Troy to prop himself up.

"Brie," I shook my head while my hands quickly covered my face, I tried to move away from him but he quickly secured me close to him. "Gabi," he picked me up and settled me in his lap. His fingers tried to pry away my fingers from my face but the hot tears on my face made me hold on tighter. "I can't be scared," I mumbled through my tears and hands, he finally was able to pull my fingers away while I closed my eyes turning away.

"Gabi," he stroked my cheek gently, "You can be scared,"

"Collin doesn't need me to be scared,"

"Brie," he circled me around in his arms and gave me a tight squeeze. "You have ever right to be scared," I broke down in sobs while pressing my face into his shoulder. "Fuck, Gabi," he pressed his lips to my ear, "I get that you feel like you have to hold it together for Collin but he isn't here right now. I am right here." He stroked my back and I lost it. My body ached and my life felt like a disaster. Troy just held me tighter to him.

* * *

My eyes watched the clouds fly by as the sun started to disappear giving to a dark sky. Collin was asleep on a couple of seats, worn out from the chemo this week. The seat next to me moved and I turned my head, "You haven't said much…" he started, "Well, I'm pretty embarrassed,"

"Why?" Troy questioned, my eyes watched the clouds again. The white clouds that looked like cotton that I could just lay on. I didn't answer Troy as I continued to stare out the window, "Is it because you were upset this morning?" I shrugged my shoulder, "I haven't cried like that in a long time," I whispered quietly, "Gabs, I feel like you are forgetting that you are going through the hardest thing a mother can go through."

"This isn't the hardest thing." I whispered, "If I lose my son, that will be the hardest thing." Troy sighed and his hand wrapped around my shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. "I am used to being in control Troy, I am used to knowing the next step and the path of everything happening."

"Gabs,"

"No, Troy, I plan for everything. I plan for the smallest of things but some how I didn't have a plan for cancer. Cancer wasn't in my plans and I know it is in nobody's plans but I didn't even have a backup plan. I have been winging it this entire time and that isn't me. I hate the unexpected. When you told me that this past chemo was quick and efficient I believed you and I planned for my four days to go smoothly and they didn't."

He reached around and unbuckled my seatbelt to pull me into his lap. "Troy," I fought against him but he shook his head, "Stop fighting me Gabi," I finally turned to look into his eyes, "Gabi, when everything happened Kyle asked me why you flipped out so badly and the first thing I told him is you like to have control. You never had to tell me this because I know that deep down that is what you need in life. You need control."

His thumb stroked my warm cheek, "On our first date, I loved how you take control of every situation and I get how much you hate cancer because you have zero control and because of what it is putting Collin through." I rested my head on his shoulder and he rubbed my arm, "You don't have to hide how scared you are from me Gabi, I know how scared you are."

"I love you," I whispered to him, I felt Troy's chest relax, "You have no idea how happy those words make me,"

* * *

 _Friday, January 30_ _th_ _, 2015_

Troy tapped his foot up and down nervously while Collin lay back against me. I rubbed his hand while I sent Joe a text message about how Collin was doing. He normally every day or every other day checking up on Collin and they talked on the phone once or twice since he left. He planned on coming to Denver after his surgery and we were home.

"Have you worked with this doctor before?" Troy looked over at me and he nodded his head, "I send a lot of patients to him." A nurse walked through the door and looked at us, "Montez?" I stood up with Collin wrapped in my arms. Troy put his hand on the small of my back while we walked through the door together. She took us to a room to the right where a scale and everything to do Collin's vitals. He grew scared as he clutched onto me.

"No port,"

"They aren't going to access your port," Troy soothed, "Not today," I sat him down onto the bed and they started to take his blood pressure, they weighed him, and finally escorted us to an office. Troy and I settled in chairs and my eyes lingered on his scans already hanging up. My stomach twisted violently looking at them because I could clearly see the tumors and it made me sick. I closed my eyes while my arms gripped Collin tighter.

The door opened and I twisted to see an older man who could have been my grandfather. His hair was white all the way through, the years of surgeries worn on his hands and eyes. He was wearing a gray shirt and a pair of black slacks with his white lab coat around his shoulders. He smiled a nice smile and he pushed his glasses back up his face, "Hello, I am Dr. Andrew's," he introduced himself to me, I shook his hand and he squatted down to look at Collin.

"You must be Collin," Collin looked at him with a shy look and I rubbed his leg, "I heard you like cars," Collin nodded his head slowly with a smile, Dr. Andrew's looked up at Troy with a nod, "Troy, how are you?" Dr. Andrew's stood up and Troy reached for his hand for a quick shake, "I wish I was here under better circumstances," he said with a slight laugh, "You never come to see me in the best of circumstances,"

Troy laughed, "This is true, maybe we need to have a beer one night." Dr. Andrew's laughed while sitting in a chair across from us. "I have been reviewing Collin's scans for the past two weeks and I will want to run our own scans here, probably on Monday, and then go over those to look for any changes before I fully commit to my plan on how to tackle his two main tumors." I nodded my head as I listened to him talk. His speech was slow and he thought about everything he was going to say before he said it.

My eyes glanced over at Troy whose body was rigid and tense. I gave him a questioning look and he gave me a thin smile when I turned my attention back to Dr. Andrew's. "How about we go down the hall so I can do a physical examination?" We agreed and walked down the hall to an empty room, Collin laid on the table while I rubbed his head as Dr. Andrew's pressed on his stomach. Troy mentioned some things to him about his case but I mostly paid attention to Collin.

"How has his shoulder tumor been?"

"Shrinking considerably," Troy spoke, "That has been the best tumor to shrink out of all of them. His hip was the only one to grow but it was by an inch if that and the main one shrunk," I saw Dr. Andrew give Troy a look, "Do you have the first scans with you?" Dr. Andrew's asked, Troy let his lips fall into an even line, "Yup," his words were hard and I gave him a questioning look. He shrugged it off and Dr. Andrew's sat back, "Monday morning, come in, we will run his labs, do all of his scans, and then I will decide when the best time for his surgery will be."

"Do we have a time table?" I questioned, he sighed, "I am thinking either Friday of next week if all is well or Monday of the following week." I nodded my head while rubbing Collin's head gently. "Okay," I kissed his head and he crawled into my lap. "I'll see you guys Monday," Troy shook his hand and he walked out talking with him. Troy came back in the room and he sighed, "How was that?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know, I don't feel confident in anything right now."

Collin crawled over to Troy's lap and Troy hugged him, "You alright buddy?"

"Yea, I like the other hospital better."

"Me too." Troy agreed, we all got up and headed for the door. "Do you guys want to sightsee or go back to RMH?" I sighed, "I think today, I just want to go back to RMH. I am exhausted."

"Your wish is my command," he pressed his lips into the top of my hair and I breathed. I wasn't in control of this anymore and my fear was only growing higher with every day. I was only getting more scared but yet I was trusting Troy even more. I also was learning that I needed him to breathe and I was already growing scared or the days to come. I was scared for when he was going to leave and I was scared for when the surgery came.

I was scared.

It was hard for me to be scared because normally I had a plan with everything and now…I was winging it.

Fuck.

* * *

 **Yay update!**

 **GOOD NEWS: You'll get an update on Rescue NEXT weekend…and you'll be i e.**

 **BAD NEWS: I am not updating Ace this weekend. Maybe, cross your fingers, I will update Ace next weekend as well but finals start this week so no promises.**

 **Thank you for the patience!**

 **Xx – Jo**

 **PLEASE REVIEW**


	23. Past

Chapter 23 - Past

" _There isn't enough room in our brain for fear and faith. You must decide which one will live there."_

The day I found out I was accepted into law school – I had faith and only faith that I would do well.

The day I found out I passed my bar exam? I had a lot of faith and a lot of drinks.

The day I found out I was pregnant – I had faith that I could do this. A hint of worry never crept into my mind because I knew this was the path. I knew this was the path that I was meant to be on even if it was going to be hard.

The day I found out my child had cancer? I was full of fear.

The first chemo: Fear

The first throw-up, scan, test, call, count, etc: Fear

I knew I _needed_ faith but I was so _consumed_ with fear that it wasn't possible for faith to consume me instead. Troy…Troy provided the faith that I needed right now. It anchored me down so I didn't lie flat on the ground and drown. Now that his surgery day was approaching rapidly and fear was all that filled me.

Fear that he would stop breathing. Fear that he would give up. Fear that something would go wrong. Fear. It was only fear. I had no faith in the doctors, I had no faith in the process, and I had no faith because that was my baby.

This was the only thing that I had in my life. Collin.

And now that cancer was threatening him: it was only fear from here.

* * *

 _Monday, February 9_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

I smiled stroking Collin's hand gently and he laid back on the bed, a cap covering his bald head and a gown with cars on it that Dr. Andrew's had pulled out from his special gown case. Collin grew excited and that made me smile but I was mostly full of tears this morning.

"Mommy," I looked at him, "Where is dad?" I bit on my lip, "He went to get something to drink, do you want him?" he nodded his head and I smiled. "Do you know how much I love you Collin?" he smiled over at me and I stroked his face again with my thumb. I tried to memorize every single thing about his face when I felt Troy's hand slid over my shoulder. "Dad," Collin cheered, I knew Troy had a smile on his face without even turning around.

"Hey buddy," Troy handed me my coffee and rubbed my arms, a nurse came in the room with a warm smile on her face. "We are going to get Collin ready for surgery," she said with a nod, they had put in an IV for the surgery and Collin hated every minute of it. They also had accessed his port but they allowed Troy to do it when they learned last Monday that he really didn't like anybody else doing it.

I stroked his hand when the nurse came around; we had met with so many people already this morning. I knew it was close to his surgery time but we were waiting on one person: Dr. Andrew's.

"Good morning," my shoulders stiffened under Troy's hand when Troy turned around, "Dr. Andrew's," Troy said lifting his hand off my shoulder to turn around and greet the man that was going to cut into my baby. I turned around to see the older man that could have been almost my grandfather, which made me skeptical of his talents. The first time I saw him I wondered what Troy was thinking but he could only keep reassuring me that he was _good_ at his job.

"Gabriella," he said with a smile, I gave a weak smile to only turn back around to my son. Dr. Andrew's came around to the other side of the bed and went over his surgery plan for the third time. He would get the biggest tumor out of his stomach and if Collin was doing okay, he would go for the next biggest tumor on his hip, which was starting to cause him a lot more pain.

That would leave the tumor on his shoulder but they didn't have much concern as it had shrunk considerably with the chemo. They figured with radiation that it would completely break apart and if it didn't they would do surgery on that one. I rubbed my lips together as my fingers stroked Collin's head. "We are about ready to take him back, he'll do just fine," Dr. Andrew's said with a confident smile.

"Troy should know how this feels," I turned to look at Troy who was hard as a stone. His blue eyes were locked on Dr. Andrew's and an uncomfortable silence filled the room. "He has seen many patients go through this so he should understand," My eyes stared at Troy as he shifted uncomfortably, "He is going to be okay," Dr. Andrew's said again while looking at Troy.

"How long?"

"It could be go from 4 hours to 8. It just depends." Dr. Andrew's said quietly, "We're going to be okay," I nodded as my tears started again. Dr. Andrew's walked out again when the nurses came in and the rest of everybody else. Collin started to get scared and I was growing scared. Everybody was scared.

Collin cried and I kissed his forehead, "I love you big boy, I love you," I stroked his face and looked into his brown eyes. He stared right back at me and Troy rested his hand on his arm. "I love you bud," Collin was growing sleepy from the drugs they had already started pushing drugs. "I love you mommy," he mumbled, the nurses started to move his bed and my fight or flight response kicked in.

"No, no," I said moving after them but Troy wrapped his arms around my waist, "No, I want him here with me. I want him in my arms. I need to protect him." I started to cry and Troy just held me even tighter. "It's okay," Troy soothed, I broke away from his arms, "No, it isn't okay! You don't understand what this feels like! You don't understand that this feels like somebody just shoved me underwater and is holding me there. I can't help him! I can't stand here and help him because somebody else is going to control his body and,"

I tried to breathe and I raised my arms above my head, "You don't know what this feels like," I breathed turning around, "To know that your kid is laying on an operating table exposing these big, ugly tumors that are threatening his life. I have to pray to a God that has screwed me too many times over. I have this constant fear sitting in my gut and I know, I know I need to have faith that Dr. Andrew's is a good doctor but I am scared," His blue eyes softened while looking at me, "I am scared,"

Troy wrapped me in his arms but I pushed out of them, "I think I need to be alone," I said, Troy shook his head and he bit on his lip. "No," he finally said, "Because I know _exactly_ what you are feeling." I looked at him and his blue eyes held sadness. "I know exactly what you feeling, you feel like there is absolutely no hope in this world. You have to trust a man you met less than a week ago with your only child. You have to trust a doctor who went to a small school that he doesn't give your son one too many drugs. You have to worry that maybe, just maybe, something happens and he doesn't wake up from this surgery and _that_ is scary."

I looked at Troy taking a step backwards, "What?" I stumbled, "I know how scared you are," he wouldn't meet my eyes which caused my stomach to twist in half.

"Troy," I started, "How does Dr. Andrew's know you besides work? You are always pretty tense around him, not work related," Troy tilted his head backwards and he let out a long sigh of frustration. "Can we go find somewhere to sit?" he asked me, I felt tears pool in my eyes while I looked at him. His shoulders were so tense and his eyes held this long hint of sadness.

"Why?" I asked him, "Why do we need to find somewhere to sit?" I asked him and he shook his head, "Gabi, I think you need to know my past," he then started to walk out the door and I felt my shoulders weaken, today, of all days; he was going to tell me today? I followed him and he opened a door to a private family waiting room.

"Why do you know how this feels?" I asked him with a demand, because Troy was spot on. He was spot on that this was that scary? My gut twisted as he looked at me. "I told you everything about my past and I have had no lies with you but I feel like you are lying to me! I feel like you have this massive secret and I have been _so_ open with you this entire time, what gives Troy?"

The hurt behind his eyes was hard as he looked at me, "I didn't want to scare you and I had zero intentions of doing this today. I was going to wait until after his surgery was over and that we got great news. I was going to wait and let Collin recover and then tell you everything," he paused as he thumbed over the coffee he was holding in his hands. "I never wanted to tell you. It's just something that I don't ever want to talk about again but I am telling you this not because I need extra pity in my life, but because I am so in love with you and I know what you are feeling,"

My heart raced with panic about what he was going to tell me and I felt so scared. I felt so nervous. I didn't know why but maybe I just didn't need to know everything that was going on with Troy. Maybe, I just needed him. I turned to face the wall for a minute to catch my breath before I looked at him again. Troy's face was in complete distress and he sat down on the couch in the room. He ran his fingers through his sandy hair and then pulled at the ends as I felt his blue eyes linger on me. "I had cancer," he blurted from his lips. Shock went straight through my body and I gasped looking at him.

His blue eyes didn't go on until my eyes returned to normal size, "I was eight when I was diagnosed with AML, kind of like Ryan," my stomach twisted and Troy glanced up, "I beat it quickly and efficiently, I had a bone marrow transplant myself when I was nine and half which was grueling hell on any nine and half year old. I was trapped in a hospital rom and I fucking hated it. I beat it though and they haven't found an ounce of cancer again. Everything has been clean and clear since I went into remission all of those years ago."

My hands were trembling from his confession and my jaw was locked tight trying not to let the tears fall down my face as I looked at my gorgeous boyfriend and realize this is why he was so patient with Collin's screaming as we walked into hospitals, why he accessed his port, why he knew so much to relate to these kids. His eyes were off in the distance when he looked at me again. "Sammy has AML too when she was seven, it happened almost right after I went into remission," my heart skipped a beat learning of the Bolton's past. "Marcus gave us both bone marrow as he matched all of us. I couldn't donate because I had just had my own transplant. Marcus donated blood, platelets, and whatever else our bodies needed. It was a family event with all of us somewhere involved." He paused to think back on the times. "It sucked. It was a hard several years for my family and Sammy had it twice as bad as I did."

He shook his head at the memories flooding back into his brain. "I supported her just like she supported me when I went through it. My family lived on the hospital floor for almost five years," Troy breathed rubbing his hands together slowly, "Daniel was our doctor," he said glancing up at me, "He loved our family and he took care of us, that is when I decided I wanted to be a doctor but I was not going to be an oncologist. I hated this floor just like Collin does. I hated coming up here, I hated getting poked, I hated getting my central line accessed, I hated chemo, and I fucking hated every single thing about it." His chest went up and down with anger flared underneath of it as the childhood memories haunted him. He tried to relax but it wasn't happening.

I was frozen in my spot but I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to be there for him. "Once we finally both made it five years it felt so damn good. I still run my labs once a year on my diagnosis date to just make sure that it isn't coming back and I have Sammy come up here too so I can run hers as well," I rubbed my lips together while looking at Troy.

"I'm so sorry Troy," I started, "But you don't know how this feels as a mother, I get that you protect your sister as if she was your own child but this is so different," I had tears running down my face because Troy had been through a lot more in his life than I ever wanted to see him go through. Troy shook his head as he tried to gain any emotion that was left. "I'm not done, I fucking wish that was the end of the story but that isn't the end of the story," my gut grew a rock and it sat in my stomach as I looked at him with new tears filling my eyes. "T," I started and that struck a nerve with him as he pressed his palms into his eyes.

His secret was much bigger than I thought and that scared me that it caused this much emotion with him. It scared me that it hurt him this bad. It scared me.

"I had a daughter when I was nineteen," my heart shattered inside my chest for those simple words because the rest was easy to figure out and that caused my knees to go weak. That caused my mouth to clamp shut and that caused my whole body to scream with tears. I felt like I was gasping for air when my mouth parted and I looked at him. His eyes were casted down as a smile from remembrance crossed his face. "She was the sweetest thing in the entire world and I could do nothing but fucking love her. Her mom and I had been dating for almost two years when we had her and we decided that we could do this. I was still doing pre-med so I was constantly busy but I made time for them both."

He wiped his own tears away with his hand as he took in a deep breath of air, "I was working harder than a lot of people in my class. My mom had moved in me to help while at college because she wanted Callie and I to continue our education. She supported our decisions one hundred percent and was just there for us." I bit down on my lip and Troy let a sad smile come across his lips.

"Baker always made me smile even when school was a fucking bitch. Baker giggled like no other and she was so happy. Her blue eyes would light up a room when she smiled and she just made me happy. Callie and I were happy with each other and Baker was just this beautiful bonus to our lives." Troy exhaled, "Callie was going to school to become a social worker and I was doing my stuff. When Baker turned two she was the happiest and healthiest that we had ever seen. Her doctor's appointment went well and then…" he paused trying to come up with the words, "and then everything turned to shit."

Troy squeezed the back of his neck and he breathed but he couldn't stop the tears that haunted him. "She was two years old and three months when she started to move slower, I was twenty-one and finishing my undergrad before med school. Callie was almost done and would be getting a job soon so we could become a more stable family. My mom could return to Denver and be with my dad on a more regular basis then what she was. Baker started to fight us on a lot of things during that time. We thought she was just upset over the fact that my mom wasn't around as much as she used to be. Callie had a better semester and we worked our class schedule out. It just worked so we blamed it on that."

He looked at his jeans that he was wearing trying to come up with the right words to say. "She cried when we moved her, she cried when we did too much, she was just so upset all the time. She wasn't my Baker girl…she would run low-grade fevers and she just wasn't happy." Troy tilted his head back when I saw his jaw quiver with emotion.

"Callie called me, March 20th, 2003, right after my afternoon class. I figured she wanted to go get lunch but she was sobbing when I answered. I could barely understand her because she was crying so hard. She finally got out that they thought Baker might have a form of cancer. I thought my heart stopped in my chest because my baby could not have cancer. I was supposed to protect her and recognize the signs but I couldn't think of any,"

My heart was beating rapidly in my chest when I rubbed my arms thinking about Troy going through all of this. I thought about the heartache. I thought about the ending of this story that made me want to cry out in response. "I rushed to KU's hospital, which was a good thirty minute drive from campus. It was in Kansas City and I just remember thinking not Baker girl who was the sweetest and most beautiful girl. I was praying to God that she didn't have AML like Sammy and I because that would be too much, too gut-wrenching. That would be awful because she was too young, too perfect, too Baker…"

I finally moved from my spot on the other side of the room and I went to sit in front of him on the coffee table. I lowered myself until I was seated and I placed my hands on his legs. He played with his hands and he kept his eyes down thinking over everything. "I found Callie in the waiting room crying, sobbing, I felt my heart shatter just listening to her and I could have puked because Callie was so broken by all of this. I have never heard a mother cry like that before," he paused and his eyes lifted to meet mine, I knew he was wondering if he should say something so I just nodded.

"Say it,"

Regret filled his eyes, "You reminded me of her when you found out Collin had cancer. The sound that you both made showed me how much you loved your child. I have never heard another mother make that sound until you and I knew right then how much you loved Collin." He put his hand on my jeans, "It scared the living piss out of me,"

He didn't speak for a couple of moments while he let the first part of the story sink in. "Baker then went through a battery of tests that day and I was numb. I didn't cry I didn't run I didn't have any emotions while I called my mom and explained that Baker was sick and they believed it was cancer. I told her I had no idea Callie was taking her to the doctor that morning and my first reaction to everything was to be pissed at Callie for not telling me she was taking Baker to the doctor," he laughed, "So stupid but I believed that I should have been there to hear it. I should have been there to hold her. I should have been there."

I swallowed against the lump in my throat that was growing, "I was just so angry at Callie that day,"

He moved his hands off my lap and he rubbed his face, the emotion that was straining him to the couch made me hurt for him. "The next day I was prepared to hear she had AML. I was prepared to hear the same treatment plan that I went through. I was prepared for all of this and Callie knew about my history, it is what set them off to test her blood because we have two cases in my family. They watched Baker for these things and it slipped through their fingers, I don't know, I was so confused on what was going on anymore."

His jaw tensed up and he was holding back tears that were going to be ugly and violent. His voice was defeated when he started to speak again, "But we didn't hear that she had AML, we heard that she had Neuroblastoma and that is was aggressive and the doctor told us she had less than 10% odds of beating this cancer. They told us this and Callie just went fucking crazy with that. She flipped out and she was so angry about everything. I was the one going through pre-med and I knew what questions to ask and what needed to be asked. I asked the questions, I asked the extra hard questions," he paused and debated again about telling me about something.

"Troy," I pleaded looking up at him, "You can tell me everything," I whispered and he nodded his head slowly while he touched my face gently. He focused his blue eyes on mine and the clear blue had a layer of gloss over top. "Gabi, Baker and Collin are so similar in their cases it isn't funny. When I first looked at Collin's scans I thought I was going to vomit because it was so similar to Baker's first scan." I felt my breath leave my chest, "The tumors were in all of the same spots, it went to both of their blood, they were both stage four, they both had 10%, and they both had a mother that loved so fiercely."

He stopped as his emotions were going too fast. "Your case scared me and I tried to see if somebody else would take it because I just couldn't do it. I had already met you and I knew how you loved. I then met Collin and God, you reminded me so much of Callie and he reminds me so much of Baker that it hurt for a while to be in the same room as you guys. I fought against the fear and I did it."

I gripped his hand tightly and he finally let the tears fall, "Baker battled the shit out of that cancer. Callie and I decided to take her back to Denver to let Daniel treat her. I was taking most of my classes online so I could always be with Baker and Callie. Callie dropped out that year to be with Baker and we lived with my parents. My parents basically supported us 100%," Troy reached up to wipe his tears away but it was no use only more came.

"She had her surgery in this hospital, with Dr. Andrew's, and Callie and I sat in the room next to this one. My mom and dad both sat with us while we waited and it went well. Everything went smoothly and Baker was doing great. We went back to Denver and we started the process for a stem-cell transplant when everything took a turn for the worse. She was almost three at this point and she was back to being my loving Baker. She was playing, eating, loving, and smiling again. I was so close to finishing my undergrad because I was moving faster than most with pre-med. She had her scans three days before transplant was supposed to start and everything was fine." He took a deep breath and leaned back while his mind went back to the worst day of his life.

"I was studying for a test while Baker watched TV when they asked Callie and I to come to Daniel's office. We walked in and Daniel was crying and I just fucking knew, I fucking knew that my daughter wasn't going to see her fourth birthday." Tears were spilling down my cheeks and he looked up at me with his own tears running down his cheeks, "Callie cried so hard she passed out and I couldn't help her. I was powerless at the young age of twenty-two. Baker's third birthday was the next day so we celebrated hard with her. Her request was our demand. We took her anywhere she wanted to go and we did everything she wanted to do."

Troy took a deep breath, "She made it to my graduation which came a year earlier than expected and she was so happy for me. She was somehow keeping a smile on her face but I knew she was in pain every single day. She hurt every day but she smiled and laughed with us. We did everything she was up for and we filled her life with so many good memories. On the day of my graduation she kept telling me she was so proud of me," he smiled a little bit thinking about it, "I'm so proud of you daddy," he breathed, "Those words stick with me every single day. It replays in my head and I think of our last great day with her and then two weeks later…she died in Callie's arms and me holding her hand and whispering in her ear that everything was going to be okay. We told her she could finally stop fighting it now because she fought it so hard the entire time," his words were ghostlike coming from his mouth and he started to cry harder with the memories, my own tears flooded the floor around me while I turned away from him.

I took three big breaths while I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I then turned and wrapped my arms around him while I comforted him because I was so scared that was going to be my future. I was so scared about it all and that only confirmed my fear. He pulled away from me and wiped at his eyes, "Callie couldn't handle the pressure of losing her, she did okay for the first month and then she fell apart. She drank all the time and she was really depressed." I put my hand on his knee as encouragement. "She killed herself exactly two months after Baker left us. I came home to find her with a bottle of Baker's left over morphine that she had taken a full twenty-four hours before I was supposed to start in my med-school classes."

Shock wove through me and Troy sighed, "I knew she was with Baker at that point and that Callie was going to be happier there, it still hurt like a bitch and some days it still does." I moved to sit next to him on the couch and I laid my head on his shoulder. "I tried to keep my distance from you Gabs, I really did, yet something between us clicked. You reminded me so much of Callie and you have a son that reminds me of Baker and they almost had the same cancer. Callie called me T, Collin calls me dad, and it was scary,"

Troy worked his jaw, "I chose oncology because I was going to save more kids, I was going to save them and I was going to help find a cure and I was going to help. I was going to be a saving grace. I had a mission and I was going to be aggressive with every single treatment because nobody deserved to feel what I felt."

"Troy," I said quietly, he shook his head, "I swore off that I would never get close to a patients mother and I tried to not get too attached to the kids which is easier said than done. I just kept my distance until you showed up on this floor. I am so scared that you'll have to feel that pain, I'm scared that I will have to feel that pain again because I feel like Collin is my son because I know if you lose Collin I am going to lose you and that scares me. I can't lose you like I lost Callie. I can't do this again."

I was sobbing by this point and Troy pulled me into his lap holding me. His strong arms protecting me from this awful world as I cried into his shoulder. He cried as well and we were both so frustrated and hurt with everything happening. "Collin isn't going to die," Troy said firmly, "He is going to live."

I pulled away to look at him and everything seemed so off balance after the truth spilling session that just passed out of Troy's lips. I couldn't believe any of this story and how his world had been thrown off tilt with cancer. "Please don't be mad, this was so hard to ever find the strength to do this. Your son is going through the same thing that my daughter went through and mine didn't have a good ending,"

"It would have been her 14th birthday when I got drunk the day before the Bronco's game, the one that you got so mad at me for." He wiped his face free of tears, "I almost told you the next morning but that is when you told me about your mom." He rubbed his temples, "The other time I got drunk and talked to you before our first date? That was Callie's birthday," he rubbed his temples and he tried to breathe. My eyes looked at Troy and I felt so sad but I also had this underneath anger.

"Troy, you should have told me a long, long time ago." I whispered, his eyes looked up at mine and he shook his head, "Gabi, I was trying to protect you. All I ever want to do is to protect you from my past because my past is awful."

"That doesn't mean you get to make choices for me Troy!" he tilted his head back while he bit down on his lip, his eyes were heavy, "I am sorry for your loss Troy, I am sorry that you went through all of that but don't you think that is something you tell a person before they start having sex? Isn't that something that is discussed before I move in with you? I let you into my life and my sons life and you really need to tell me these things." I paused when I looked at him, "And then you choose _this_ day out of every other day you could have told me. I am already a nervous wreck over my child getting cut open to remove tumors from his body."

He looked at me surprised, "Gabi,"

"You didn't want to hurt me, I get it, so why not wait until tomorrow when my child isn't in surgery?" he looked at me with a painful face because my emotions were running high. My breathing started rapidly and I tried to breathe and remember that this happened so long ago. I tried to not be angry.

 _But I was._

"Gabi, does me telling you all of this change anything?" his voice was more tense and held back when I took two steps backwards away from him. "Troy, it changes a lot about our future," his eyes snapped to mine, "Like what?" I shook my head, "You know what, I can't do this right now."

"Brie," he whispered, "What?" I shook my head with tears in my eyes, "I need some space okay? This was a lot of information and I just need some space. Will you call me if a nurse comes by to update me on Collin please?" he nodded his head, he grabbed me by the waist and he pulled me closer to him. "Please don't be upset with me, you told me that you wouldn't be upset." Tears filled my eyes because I did tell him that a long time ago but I wasn't expecting that.

I pulled away from Troy and I jogged down the stairs of the hospital until I reached the main floor. I pushed through the doors and I gulped in a breath of fresh air. The Boston air hit my lungs and it felt like my lungs froze up. I could see the glow of my breath in the cold February day; I ran my fingers down my arm as tears finally fell from my eyes. Troy's story was so tragic and heartbreaking. His sister and him went through cancer at a young age, and then he lost his daughter at the young age of three, followed by losing his girlfriend who he loved because she couldn't take it.

That was going to be me if this got that far.

My knees weakened underneath of me and this was when I wished that I could call my mom. I wish I could call her and tell her about it and ask her what I should do. I just wanted to know what to do. My fingers brushed through my hair because one top of all of this I am feeling, I am feeling the stress of Collin in surgery right now. They are cutting him apart and tearing him to shreds because of tumors. My shoulders shook from the impact of the day already falling on my shoulders.

This day was fucking horrible.

* * *

"Gabi, I figured you would be calling me soon," I sat in the cafeteria while I swirled my coffee around in a cup, "I know I shouldn't be mad at him,"

"He kind of picked a shitty day,"

Tears welled in my eyes again, "I wish he would have waited, he waited this long,"

"But you wish he would have told you sooner,"

I didn't say anything, "Sammy, I don't know what to do,"

"You love him," she told me firmly, "I know, that I am biased to the situation. That was my niece and Callie was…amazing but that was a long, long time ago. He loves you now Gabi, I think he loves you more than he ever loved Callie. I love you more than I loved Callie; I know that for damn sure. You are twice as strong as Callie ever was. Troy doesn't like talking about it at all. He actually hates it and you know I hate it. Nobody knows that I have had cancer; I keep it that way because I hated it. I don't want the pity either."

I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand while I stared at the board in front of me. "I get it, you're scared, but you now have Troy who understands everything. He understands how Collin is feeling and he understands how you are feeling just as much."

"Why am I so scared?"

"Because…it is a scary past." I bit down on my lip and she sighed, "You'll be alright Gabi, it is a shock. Troy is kind of upset though. You might want to talk to him sooner than later." I ran my fingers through my hair and I gripped it tightly. "I think I am mostly angry that we have been living together and I told him about my mom and all of this stuff and he just now mentions this."

"It's hard Gabi,"

I leaned my head back; "It's hard for me too,"

"Of course, but, Troy can explain this a lot better than I can." I nodded my head, "I have been gone for two hours. I need to get back up to Collin anyways," Sammy didn't say anything for a few minutes, "Gabi, if it is too much…just tell him to give you space because he will. He definitely will give you space if you ask but he knows that you need somebody right now."

"Thanks Sammy,"

"Of course, just…don't hate him because of this."

I hung up the phone and I lingered in the cafeteria a little while longer while I gained the courage to go upstairs. I finally gained it and took the stairs slowly to the floor; I walked down the hall where the beeping was coming from. I peered around as kids were waking up from surgery with plenty of nurses to go around. I then found my way to the waiting room when my eyes fell on Troy looking at the ceiling. His eyes were heavy with emotion and I felt bad.

"Ms. Montez," I looked up at the nurse who came out the door and then my eyes turned back to Troy who was looking at me. My eyes found focus on the nurse and she smiled, "Collin is doing very, very well and the doctors are encouraged." This brought tears to my eyes, as this was truly the first good news I had heard in months. "Thank you," I said with a watery smile, "Thank you," she nodded and returned to the double swinging doors.

Troy shifted in his chair and I returned to the spot next to him. I sat down slowly in the chair next to him, "Gabs, are you okay?" he asked me gently, I just nodded my head slowly, "I'm okay, the nurse said that Collin is doing well and the doctors are encouraged so you know what, that is amazing news. I am going to take that with a grain of salt," Troy let a tiny smile across his face, "Good, that is good to hear," I looked up at Troy when I started to battle tears.

He looked at me and he reached out to touch my face, "I don't know what to think Troy," the tears started to fall down my face and he leaned forward to press our foreheads together. "I don't know what to feel or do or anything, I just know that you told me that your family has been through cancer hell and back, that you lost a daughter and a girlfriend that your family loved."

"Oh Brie," he pulled me into his arms while my sobs turned to an ugly sobs against his chest. "I'm so sorry, so sorry," he rubbed my back with his hands, "I should have never told you this today," I didn't agree or disagree to the statement as I just listened to his heartbeat. I closed my eyes and I just listened for a while because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do next.

* * *

Troy's POV

I stroked her hair as she fell asleep in my lap after she just started crying and I felt like a complete idiot. I should have told her a long, long time ago about my past but I just wasn't sure if there was a time or place for it and really…there wasn't. There wasn't a good time to tell a girl you loved that you had a daughter and she died from the same thing her son is fighting. There isn't a time or place to tell her I have had cancer myself.

A nurse came back, the same one who updated us earlier; she looked at Gabi in my lap and came over to me. "Collin is still doing well. They have successfully removed the tumor from his abdomen and he is stable enough to continue on the other tumor," I thanked her and she returned to her job. I held Gabi closer to me because I hated that I made her upset this morning. I hated that I did that to her on a day that she was already nervous enough.

She moved her head and I kissed the top of her gently, she looked up at me and I could see how tired she was in her eyes. The brown was tired, her body was worn, and she was just exhausted. "The nurse just came out and told me that they successfully removed his main tumor and are now working on the other one," she nodded her head and then rested her head on my shoulder. "Gabs, I'm sorry," I whispered into her ear, "I never wanted to hurt you."

"Please, don't be sorry," she pulled back and her tiny hands rested on my face, "That is a lot of trauma that you went through and I am sorry that you went through that. I just…I wish I knew sooner." Her thumb stroked my face gently, "We can't change that now and I am not going to hate you because of your past. I love you, I will always love you." I could feel relief flood through my body to hear her say those words. "Is that why you have this big house?" she asked me, I nodded my head slowly, "Yea,"

"Why?"

"When I bought the house, I felt like I had a family but I didn't."

"Why are there no pictures of them?" I leaned back against the wall and I sighed, "I have a ton of them but they are in a box. I never put them up. I moved into the house and just…I put them in a room and kind of forgot about them. I started to get better when I moved into the house, so I never put them back up. When I invited new people over they didn't ask about the random people on the wall, that happened frequently in med school when I had study people come over."

She hesitated and I knew what she wanted to ask, I knew she wanted to ask if she could see a picture. I closed my eyes at the question because I could tell her everything about the both of them. I have dreams about them frequently and they always look the same. Callie is always wearing her favorite dress that she wore on so many of our dates. It was a navy blue that flared out around her thigh with these ridiculous heels that she loves. Her auburn hair that flailed down her back with mermaid curls that made me want to run my fingers through it.

She had soft features in her face and always an easy smile that claimed me quickly. Baker would be nearby in a pair of footie pajamas, it would always be a different pair but she would always be so happy to see me. She would run up to me and wrap her thin arms around me in the dreams. She would whisper how proud she was of me and that she loved me. Her thin lips and her pale cheeks that cancer had brought upon her were gone and now she had full cheeks with a beautiful smile on her face. She had my darker hair but the same mermaid curls as her mom.

She was always made me smile when I saw her and the visits in my dreams were always nice. They gave me a reminder that they were in a better place and I could continue, they were happy and together. "One day, when you are ready, can I see a picture of them?" she asked softly, I opened my eyes to look at her and she saw the hurt behind them. "Of course," she looked at me a little bit more, "Gabi, I want you to know that I love you and I love Callie, I don't compare you guys, I don't do anything like that, I just…I love you both in different ways."

"I would never expect you to not love her Troy," I sighed and I just pulled her tightly to my body. "I'm sorry that I did this today. I know, it was a horrible day but…this was bringing back so many memories of when I was sitting almost in this same room with Callie. We sat here for hours being hopefully that everything was going to be okay with our baby girl,"

"What was Baker's full name?" she asked, I let out a small laugh, "Baker Bre," I whispered, she pulled back to look at me and the edges of her face grew soft. "Troy,"

"It is not the reason I call you Brie either, I barely thought about it when I nicknamed you my Brie," she nodded, "But it has to be a reminder," I shook my head, "It isn't, but the first time you called me T…" her eyes adjusted to me, "What?"

"Callie called me T," I smiled looking down into my lap, my fingers held onto hers, "She told me once she didn't like my name so she called me T," I laughed quietly, "It took me back to when she told me that in high school, I have never let another soul call me T but the moment it left your lips it just felt right." Her doe eyes were going through so many emotions, "It felt so right yet so wrong at the same moment, then you kept doing it and it felt good. I love it and don't ever stop calling me T," she wrapped her arms around my neck and she breathed against the side, "I won't,"

"That's how I know Callie sent you to me, she knew what I needed, and her secret code word was T."

She pulled away while I played with her hair gently, "Is that why your mom is sensitive over the cancer talk and ward?" I nodded slowly, "My mom was very active in the cancer world after Sammy and I went through it. She did fundraisers and dinners; she went up to the cancer ward all the time with gifts and support. She did it all and then…Baker happened. Once Baker died…she fell apart. She refused to go on the floor at Denver." I shook my head, "She refuses to talk about it and she hates my job. She hates that I do it. She hates that I surround myself with it."

"Why?"

I shrugged, "I figure if I couldn't save my daughter, I can try to save somebody else's daughter or son." She didn't say anything after that, she just slid into the chair next to me and she held my hand. "No more secrets," she whispered into my ear, "Please," I turned to her and kissed her temple, "No more secrets,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

The day seemed to drag by after Troy and I had talked, I still wasn't sure and still had a million questions but I was laying low. I didn't want to talk more about it until after my son was out of surgery. Troy stroked my hand because it was late in the afternoon now and they should be almost done. "Should they be done Troy?" I questioned looking at him, he shrugged, "It depends on how many issues they are having getting it out."

My fingers ran through my hair and I let out a long breath of air, "It's been seven hours,"

"He said up to eight,"

"I need this to be over," my voice was strained, he rubbed the back of my shoulder with his palm, "He's going to be okay,"

"You don't know that,' I argued, Troy didn't respond and my eyes bored into the white walls of the waiting room. Toys were scattered across the floor for children to play with, magazine littered on tables, trashcans were filling up from the seven hours worth of visitors. Plenty of families have come and gone since his operation started which made me incredibly jealous. The sun had become hidden from the sky as it was dipping down but the clouds were covering it.

The hospital seemed so stiff and time seemed to be moving in such slow motion. "Ms. Montez?" My head bolted up and I looked at the nurse, "Dr. Andrew's would like to speak to you in his office," my gut dropped and I stiffened, "It is just how he does things," he whispered into my ear, I turned to look at him, "That doesn't mean anything with Dr. Andrew's, he just likes to look at the post op scans with you in his office."

I stood up and walked across, Troy held my hand tightly while we walked back through the doors. The nurse moved us along, I wanted to ask the nurse a million questions but her lips were in such a tight line I thought they might break. We went through another pair of double doors when I spotted Dr. Andrew's. He looked up and he gave a smile that made my stomach do flips, "Ms. Montez, how are you holding up?"

"How is my son?" The words were spitfire out of my mouth and Dr. Andrew's gave a confident smile, "He is in recovery and we are just waiting for him to come out of anesthesia." I covered my face as the tears started to run down my cheeks, "Collin has a rough time coming out of anesthesia," Troy was talking to Dr. Andrew's but at the same time wrapping his arms around me to pull me in close. "He does better when Gabi is there and I know his pain level is going to be high,"

"Yea, I was going to show you his scans,"

I moved, "We can do that later, I need to see him," Dr. Andrew's look at my face that was red with tears and my eyes swollen from a days worth of crying but he only smiled and nodded. Troy kissed the top of my hair, "I love you," he whispered into my ear, he stroked my back while we walked through the hallways. He then stopped outside of a recovery room where a nurse was sitting watching over Collin. I gasped from his appearance because he looked so small in the big bed.

"He was a trooper during surgery," Dr. Andrew's said behind me, "He held steady the entire time and didn't falter," I felt a proud smile cross my face and I went over to rub his hand. Tears ran down my cheeks while I kissed his face, "I love you so much Co," I buried my nose against his cheek while I breathed in the hospital smell right off his skin. "I love you Co," Troy went to the other side and I already saw Collin's chart in his hands.

"Sir,"

"Ashley, Dr. Bolton is a fine doctor in Denver. He has rights to the chart," I looked up at the nurse when Collin moved underneath of me. A cry came from his lips before he even opened his eyes and that broke my heart. "Mommy," his voice was a tiny whimper that ripped through my chest, "I'm right here baby," he opened his eyes and the brown stared back at me but all I saw was deep pain. He cried out again when the nurses started to adjust things.

His crying slowed down but his eyes fell droopy again, "He is going to be like this for most of the night," Dr. Andrew's spoke kindly, "In and out of sleep and in a lot of pain." I nodded wiping my tears away, "In about an hour we will move him to the PICU," I nodded again because we had already discussed all of this the other day when we visited with him. Troy rubbed my back again with his large hands, "Gabs, how about we go grab some food okay?"

"What?" I turned to look at him surprised, " I can't leave him,"

"Gabi," he said pulling on my hands gently, "They just gave him a sedative to sleep for a while longer, some pretty strong pain drugs as well. He is going to be sleeping, I am just asking that we go to the cafeteria and eat a little something." I hesitated and I knew that I needed to agree. I was hungry, he was safe, and the nurses were staying with him. "We're going to transport him soon anyways. Just come back to the floor and we can tell you his new room number."

I kissed his forehead again and then brushed his baldhead with my fingers. "I love you baby," I watched his chest move up and down in a pattern. "C'mon Gabi," I finally nodded after one more kiss and I followed Troy out. "It makes it easier on the nurses if we leave so they can change dressings and get him moved around. It looks like they are hurting him or making him comfortable but they are just doing what needs to be done. Once he is upstairs it will be better."

I looked at him and he stroked my cheek, "Are you okay?" I looked at Troy and I didn't know what to feel anymore. I was scared that Collin was never going to be the same little boy that I had, I was scared that Troy's past was going to effect me too much. I was scared that nothing would ever be the same. Fear consumed me as I shook my head no, "I don't know what to think anymore Troy," his blue eyes held a deep pain, "I'm so sorry I hurt you," he whispered, I shook my head with tears filling my eyes.

"I think Co and I need some space tonight," Troy looked at me pained, "Gabi,"

"I need some space tonight, I love you Troy, but I just need to breathe," His eyes held mine with sadness etched into the features. "I didn't breathe for so many years until you came into my life Gabi, you were my breath of fresh air. Please, don't take that away,"

I held his hand that was pressed against my cheek, "I won't take that away Troy, just, give me time to process everything that you told me. There was so much and so many things that happened in your past. I just need some time." Troy breathed, "I fly home tomorrow," he said quietly, my eyes just held his and he nodded his head, "Okay," he said slowly, "Can I at least say bye to Collin?" tears welled in my eyes while nodding my head, "Please don't be mad Troy,"

He gave away a pained look on his face as he got up from the booth. I slid out after him and I walked behind him, "Troy," he turned to face me as he battled his own emotions, "I'm not mad at you," he said quietly, "I understand. I dropped a bombshell on one of the worst days possible. I get it. I'll leave so your brain can figure it out, so it can plan this bombshell that I just dropped on you." His voice grew with desperation and anger. "I will leave so you can do this alone and I will leave so you can think and I will leave to give you space. You don't have to ask me twice."

My eyes watched him disappear into the elevator while I gripped my hair pulling at the ends. I fell back against the wall and I breathed.

I just needed to breathe.

* * *

 **Happy Sunday! There will not be an update for Ace. I had a busy week studying for finals and getting ready to finish my last semester. I also lost the whole beginning somewhere so :-) Also! Have a VERY Merry Christmas or whatever you personally celebrate! I hope you have a great holiday weekend!**

 **A lot of you guessed certain parts of his past correct but never the whole story, which is utterly heartbreaking.**

 **Tell me what you think!**

 **Please Review!**


	24. Need You

Chapter 24 – Need You

" _If I tell you I need you, do not take it lightly. I do everything I can to never have to depend on anyone, to never show weakness, and if I say that I need you, it means I am trusting you to catch me when I fall."_

I grew up with independence. My dad was always working late and hard to provide for the family and my mom was always caught up in the next charity she was apart of. My parents did love me and we did family things but I knew how to take care of myself. I know what I am doing with my life and I didn't need anybody to help me. I didn't need somebody at all times. I was never one for the clingy boyfriend or having to always be with a boy.

It just wasn't me.

Until Troy Bolton walked into my life and then I wasn't quite sure what happened. I wanted to be around Troy like it was my drug. I wanted to touch Troy and breathe in his clean scent all the time, my fingers wanted to run down his body and my mouth tingled with anticipation with wanting to wrap my legs around his waist. Troy Bolton was not man to me, but he was my drug. Just the simple inhale of his smell caused everything to go weak.

It confused me at the beginning but I grew to really like it. I grew to love the familiar way my arms would wrap around his neck, my nose pressing into his neck, and the sweet smell of going to the one place I was always looking forward too. I needed Troy.

That sentence, needing Troy, which scared me.

I didn't want to need anybody.

* * *

 _Friday, February 13_ _th_ _, 2015_

 _Gabi's POV_

My finger circled the cup of coffee in my hand while I watched Collin breathe evenly. The past week had been pure hell on the both of us combined. Collin had been in a lot of pain and was having a tough time recovering which was going to keep us in Boston a hell of a lot longer than I wanted to be. My eyes were so heavy with sleep that my head pulsed with a migraine with the two hours of sleep I have received since his surgery.

Collin tried to twist over but a cry echoed from his mouth, hollowing with pain. My chest broke for him as I stood up to walk across the room. His brown eyes were heavy with pain medication and sleep. "I'm sorry baby," he closed his eyes again while I stroked his cheek. My eyes hurt so badly watching him but my chest ached even more. I couldn't tell if my chest hurt from the pain that Collin was feeling or the pain of not talking to Troy since he left Monday night.

Sam, Mariah, Marcus, and Sammy had all called me with no returns. I texted Sam and Mariah occasionally to keep them updated on Collin but I kept my mouth zipped tightly about my relationship with Troy. Kyle even called me yesterday, I only answered because I wanted to make sure that it had nothing to do with Collin's health. I was wrong though; it had everything to do with Troy. I knew I needed to call him but I just didn't have the strength.

"Ms. Montez," I turned around to face a nurse who was holding some food but the thought of eating caused my stomach to roll. I shook my head, "No thanks, I am not feeling so hot," I told her and I turned my attention back to Collin. "Ms. Montez, are you okay?" I just nodded my head but my stomach lurched at the smell of food. "How about I take your temperature?" I shook my head but she protested, "I just want to make sure you aren't sick because we don't want Collin to get an infection,"

My eyes finally looked at the nurse who looked tired and who generally cared about me. I agreed quietly as I sat in the chair by the bed. She pulled over the vital machine and started to take my blood pressure and she stuck the thermometer in my mouth. I waited patiently for it to beep and when it did, she grimaced, "Ms. Montez, you have a 102.1 degree fever, you can not be around Collin," my eyes flew to hers, "No, I am the only person who is here with him."

"Ms. Montez, you are a danger to Collin," tears filled my eyes while I shook my head, "That is a lie," I tried to stand up but when I did I grew severally dizzy. I gasped while quickly sitting back down, "Lilly, is everything okay?"

"Dr. Andrew's Ms. Montez has a high fever," I shook my head, "No, I am fine," I tried to stand up again but Dr. Andrew's came in front of me, "Gabi, you don't look well, how about you come to my office for a bit," I shook my head, "I have to stay with Collin,"

"Gabi, if Collin gets sick it could be bad,"

"I'm not sick!" I protested louder, my eyes were burning at this point and Dr. Andrew's nodded his head, "Gabi, you have a fever. Maybe that is all you have but that is the most important symptom of being contagious." I bit down on my lip, "I am the only person he has, he is in so much pain," my chest began to throb as Dr. Andrew's wrapped his old arms around my shoulders while giving me a quick hug. "We will all be here for Collin but while you have a fever, you can't be here."

I tried not to break down but I had nothing left.

I had nothing left.

* * *

Troy's POV

I swirled at my desk chair while my mind stared off into space. A hand slammed down at my desk and my eyes quickly jumped too Sammy standing in front of me, "You really told her on the day of his surgery?" I shrugged my shoulders, "We had time to kill,"

Sammy reached across and smacked my forehead, "You're a dick!" she whispered to me, "And now you are here fucking mopping,"

"She wanted space!"

"So you give her space Troy! Do you realize how much that has to hurt her? She trusted you with everything and then you tell her about your cancer past? About a girl and a kid?" I pressed my lips together while I looked at Sammy. "What is your point?"

"You can't be mad at her,"

"She hasn't even talked to me. The only reason I know how Collin is doing is when Kyle calls Dr. Andrew's to check up on him!"

"How is he doing?" Sammy asked me, I let out a long sigh, "They are having difficulty controlling his pain levels, they can't get his pain under control and all of the pain medication is making him sick. It isn't going well. I just want to call and talk to her to make sure she is okay,"

"So call her,"

"I have!"

"Well maybe you should have told her sooner,"

"She told me she wouldn't get mad at me,"

"That is hard to keep as a promise when you don't know what you are promising too." I rolled my lips together while running my fingers through my hair. "She hates me." I mumbled, "I have this past and I will never get over it. I will never get past my past because it is scary as hell." Sammy sighed from the other end of the counter and she reached over to rub my shoulder. "I'm sorry big brother, I really am," I looked up at her when the phone rang at my desk.

I looked down at my cell phone to see a picture of Gabi and I pop up, which only meant one thing. My fingers slid to answer the call while I put it to my ear, "Gabi," I asked, Sammy looked at me encouraged, "I need you," she was sobbing from the other end of the phone and my stomach dropped, "Brie, what is wrong?" she only cried harder from the other end of the phone, "Brie," Kyle walked by with a chart in his hand, "Check on Collin," I quickly demanded, he looked at me alert, "Why?"

"Do it," I replied while standing up and heading for my office, "Gabi, baby, talk to me,"

"I need you, I need you to come," she couldn't get more words out with the heartbreaking cry leaving her mouth. A knock came at my door and Kyle gave me a thumb up, "He is in a lot of pain but fine, what's wrong?" I shrugged as my heart began to slow down knowing that Collin didn't die for some horrible reason. "Brie,"

"I'm sick," she finally spit out, "they won't let me stay with Collin and I need you," she hiccupped at the end, which caused my heart to break. She was sick, alone, and had a toddler who just had a major surgery. "Gabi," I said quietly, "I need you," she cried again. My heart ached at the sound of her voice, "Please," that one simple word that knocked down the past week of my life. It scared me that I would drop everything to go rescue a girl.

* * *

Troy's POV

My eyes were glossy while they stared outside the plane window while we descended down towards Boston. It had been six hours since Gabi had called me in a panic and sobbing because she couldn't be with Collin. The sound that echoed from her lips killed me because I knew she only wanted to be with Collin who was in a lot of pain according to all of his updates. The young child behind me kicked my seat and I groaned, I was so fed up, I was tired, I was grouchy because I didn't know what to expect when I landed.

She asked me to come because she needed me but she told me when I left that she needed space to breathe.

I understood. She was full of emotions that day and when Collin was fine, she knew that everything that happened was upsetting and confusing. It was hard to probably swallow when the whole past came out. It was hard for me to swallow all of my past so I get it when she freaked out. She wasn't sure what to think, I just, and I didn't get the hour break when she went to the cafeteria. She came back and talked to me about it and told me she loved me, she still does, but I was just so confused by her reaction.

The kid hit my seat again and my teeth clinched underneath of me, "Troy, relax," I turned to look at Sammy, she offered to come with me and I agreed. She could stay with Collin while I talked to Gabi, because I knew if I was here, my task would to only be with Collin if she couldn't. I called Dr. Andrew's after I booked tickets out and he told me in a form of words instead of sobs that Gabi has the flu. I as a doctor knew that her being around Collin would not go over very well.

My hands ran through my messy hair and Sammy squeezed my knee, "She is going to be happy that you came,"

"I know, we just, we haven't talked since I left on Monday."

"Troy, you dropped a bombshell on her,"

"She seemed okay,"

"Her son was having major surgery. The poor girl had emotions for everything and it was a lot Troy," I chewed on my lower lip when the plane hit the runway. We bounced twice when they slid into the gate easily without much of a wait. I unbuckled my seatbelt from around my waist while I began to collect my things. I tried to get some of my work done on the plane but I couldn't form a coherent thought. Another jab to my seat occurred and I turned around but Sammy directed my attention to elsewhere.

"Troy," I groaned while I slung my backpack over my shoulder and we shuffled to the aisle. I grabbed my duffle bag and so did Sammy while we walked down the aisle. I thanked the pilots and then we continued through the airport. I wanted to run and I wanted to get to the hospital but I knew it was at least thirty more minutes. We walked across the airport to get transportation. We quickly found a cab and we tossed our things in the back.

"Boston Children's Hospital please!" I sat down in the back; we both buckled our seatbelts while I rubbed my forehead. I turned my cell phone back on and then called Kyle. "Hey man, did you land in Boston?"

"Yea, we are in a cab heading towards the hospital. Any updates?"

"Nothing good,"

"What?"

"Gabi isn't cooperating very well and she is just a hot mess apparently, what did you get yourself into Troy?"

"Kyle, stop,"

"Her son seems to be doing better than she is Troy, he just had a major surgery,"

"Kyle, you aren't being helpful," Kyle sighed through the phone, "Just be prepared for a hot mess." I rolled my eyes and hung up the phone. A couple of random messages were on my phone but I looked at the Boston scenery passing by me. I have been to Boston only under the worst of circumstances; the city would never be one of my favorites because of what has happened here. I rolled my lips together when I saw the hospital come into view.

I sat up a bit straighter, the cab pulled up front and I threw him a fifty. He started to count back change but I told him to keep it. Sammy and I grabbed our bags while we hustled into the building. I found the first nurses' station I could find, my palms slammed against the counter and the nurse looked at me startled. "May I help you?"

"Dr. Andrew's, can you page him for me?" she nodded her head, she paged him through the intercom and the phone rang shortly after. She talked to him and nodded, "Cafeteria," she told me I pushed off the counter. I then turned back to her, "Can you tell me what room Collin Montez is in? I am his doctor from the hospital in Denver, I should be on his list," she looked him up quickly and looked at me for my name, "Troy Bolton,"

She nodded, "He is in room 1410," I thanked them and I looked at Sammy, "Find your way to 1410 okay?" Sammy nodded while I ran my way to the cafeteria. I pushed open a set of doors and looked around until my eyes landed on Dr. Andrew's and Gabi sitting in the corner. Gabi had her back to me, Dr. Andrew's glanced up at the door shutting. I walked across the room and dropped my bag by the table. One look at Gabi and my heart stopped, she looked awful.

Her hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a couple of days, she has so many black bags underneath of her eyes that I knew she hadn't slept at all since I left, her face was pale and exhausted. "Oh Gabi," I said quietly, she looked up at me and the brown eyes that I have known to have so much life were lifeless. She jumped up but the quick movement made her sway; I grabbed her quickly by the waist. "You need to go be with Collin, they haven't let me be with him since this morning and I need you to be with him,"

I rubbed her arms gently, "I brought Sammy, Sammy is with Collin. I'll go see him in a minute," she looked up at me and felt my heart break for her. I looked over at Dr. Andrew's and I nodded my head, "I'll come talk to you in a little bit. Sammy is up with Collin, okay?" he nodded his head and he left the cafeteria. "C'mon," I said gently, "No, I want to stay here," she protested, "No," I told her firmly, "Sammy and I are going to be with Collin. We are not fighting about this now Gabi, I am here to take care of you."

Her brown eyes filled with tears, "No, you need to be with Collin,"

"After I take care of you," my arms wrapped around her and I pulled her into my chest, she fought against it but I only wrapped her in my arms tighter. "Gabs," I pleaded, "Please," she finally gave up and fell against me. I rubbed her arms up and down until she calmed down; I picked up her bag and then walked her out of the hospital. I wasn't too entirely sure she had bathed since his surgery, I was sure that she has gotten maybe an hour of sleep since his surgery as well.

I dug around in her bags to find her rental keys as her car was in a similar location to when I left on Tuesday. I unlocked the car doors and I opened the passenger door first. Gabi's face was blank as I helped her buckle her seatbelt. Sleep would probably do wonders for her. I shut the door gently and I put her bags in the back. I called and booked a hotel for her since I was pretty sure she needed away from the world right now.

I started the car and backed out when I called Sammy, "Hey," she answered, "How is he doing?"

"Groggy and in pain,"

I let out a sigh, "Damn, okay, well, I will come up in a little bit. Once I know Gabi is asleep, it was rough around the edges with her." She turned to look at me but she wasn't listening, her eyes told me that she wasn't listening. "Okay, good luck, I'll keep you updated on Collin."

"Thank you,"

I hung up when I pulled into the hotel parking lot, which was right across the street. I shut the car off and I ran inside to check in. The clerk was quick and efficient which was nice when I had Gabi in the car. I felt like I was taking care of a toddler. When I went back out she was half asleep as I did the easiest thing and picked her up. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her legs flopped in my arms. She wrapped her body around me while I carried her inside and I knew the first thing we were doing.

I took the elevator to the third floor, got off, took a right and we were at our room. I slid the key into the door and popped it open. I pushed it back with my hip while I held her tightly. Once we were inside the door I shoved the door shut with my foot until I heard it click. I then went straight into the bathroom when I realized she was shaking against me. "Oh Brie," I whispered, I sat her down while I started the shower. I eased her out of her shirt and then pulled down her leggings that she was wearing.

During all of this her voice was silent and her eyes drowsy. I carefully took off her bra and then slid my fingers through the waistband of her underwear and down her legs. She looked up at me while I stroked her face with my thumb. "I love you," I whispered into her ear, her lips chattered and I gently picked her up and put her in the shower. She gasped from underneath the warm water as my shirt started to get wet from the water bouncing off of her. She closed her eyes and I held onto her until she was more stable on her feet.

My fingers let her go but her hand automatically grabbed onto mine, "Stay," I nodded my head, "I'm right here," she stayed underneath the water for a couple more minutes until she asked me to wash her hair. My fingers rubbed her scalp with shampoo while she battled sleep. I finally just gave up and got into the shower with her. She leaned back against me while I finished washing her hair. I then rinsed it thoroughly followed by the conditioner.

Once we were done, I shut the shower off, her lips chattered loudly as I reached for a towel. I wrapped it around her body tightly. I let her sit down on the bed as I took off my wet jeans and t-shirt. I quickly put on a pair of sweatpants with a long sleeve shirt, and then I found a sweatshirt for Gabi. Her eyes were staring blankly into the wall when I came back. "I'm cold," she whispered, "When is the last time you slept?" she shrugged her shoulders. I helped her change into a clean pair of clothes and then guided her to the hotel bed.

"Did you take your medication?" she nodded her head, "I can't have the flu,"

"You need to rest," I told her gently while I laid next to her, tears welled in her eyes, "Troy, I can't be away from Collin," I stroked her face gently, "You need to take care of yourself Gabi, if you don't take care of yourself then you're useless to Collin," she buried her face into my chest and I rubbed her back, "I'm not sick," I laughed gently, "Yes, you are." I kissed her temple while rubbing her back. She didn't fight sleep very long until her eyes were shut tightly.

* * *

I rubbed my eyes while I leaned against Collin's bed. He was sleeping quietly but was awake when I showed up earlier. He was groggy though and didn't really say much of anything. "How is Gabi?" I leaned back to look over at Sammy, "Sick. She fell asleep after her shower and hasn't woken up since, if she has, she hasn't texted me like I asked her too."

"It has been twelve hours,"

"I know,"

"You should probably go back and get some of your own rest."

"I know," I rubbed my jaw with my fingers, I felt the scratchy whiskers on my chin while I rubbed my eyes, "Dr. Bolton," I sat up and turned around to see Dr. Andrew's, "Hi," I stood up and he shook my hand, "I figured you wouldn't be here this late," I told him, he laughed, "I went home to get some rest. Your girlfriend will do just about anything for her son." I smiled with a nod, "Yea, she will. She is pretty sick though."

"Yea, she was hysterical when I told her she couldn't be around Collin anymore." I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"No, it is refreshing. I see a lot of moms here for two hours and then out doing other things. She is one who," he paused and looked at me a little more closely, "She reminds you of Callie," Dr. Andrew's pressed his lips together and nodded, "I have only seen a hand full of women act like that towards their children. All moms love their children and quite passionately but there is this other level with them," I swallowed on the hard lump in my throat while my eyes went back to Collin. "I just hope the story ends differently." I whispered, "Me, too, Troy."

"How is he doing?"

"Better. The first couple of days were really rough on him but things are starting to look up slowly. I'm glad he already had the feeding tube because that makes that a lot easier." My fingers ran through my hair, "Good, has he been awake much?"

"No, not really, most of the pain drugs are keeping him this way." I nodded my head slowly because I knew all of this, I understood all of this, and I just didn't want any of this to be true. "I should probably go back and check on Gabs," I said stretching my arms above my head. "Sammy, are you sure you want to stay with Collin?" she nodded her head with a small smile, "Yea, I'll take care of the little guy tonight. You go take care of your girl,"

"Thanks Sammy," I went over to kiss Collin's forehead, he twitched underneath of me and my gut went a little bit tighter. I remember the nights where I just laid with Baker because she was in so much pain. She would snuggle against my side and I would hold her. She would suffer in and out of sleep but I would always lay awake, looking at the stars above her bed. I breathed backing away from the bed; I squeezed Sammy's shoulder gently.

"I'll see you in the morning okay? I may FaceTime you so Gabi can see Collin,"

"Good idea,"

I thanked her again when I walked out shutting the door behind me. Out of habit, I reached over for the hand sanitizer. I rubbed it between my fingers while my eyes began to blur with tears. I wasn't having much of a problem with all of this until _now_. I started to walk at a faster pace until I was out of the PICU corridors. My figure slumped against a wall while I tried to remember how to breathe. My heart was racing in my chest as my hand collided with the wall.

"Fuck," I leaned my head against the wall as tears slowly slipped down my face. "Troy," I glanced up to see Sammy, "I knew you left a little too faster." I rubbed my face with my palms, "I'm fine," I told her tilting my head back. "Troy, this can't be easy for you."

"I have been doing this for a long time now," I told her, "Yea, well, you love Collin like your son. You haven't been doing that in a long time." I rubbed my lips together because I knew what she was saying. I haven't loved a child like my own in a long time and now that I do…the child has cancer?

"This is fucking bullshit," I said quietly, she laughed, "Yea, we all thought that when you told us about the girl, and then we met the girl, and then we met the kid, and we all thought, this is fucking bullshit because Troy doesn't deserve this again." She leaned against me while she kept talking, "You have to be the strongest person I know Troy, you have gone through so much in your life and you are still smiling, breathing, laughing," she stopped while she thought about it.

"Callie was weak for giving up," she said firmly, I groaned, "Sammy, stop,"

"I know you are worried Troy," I looked down at her, "I know you are worried that if something happens to Collin that you will lose Gabi just like you lost Callie, and you won't." I glanced at her, "Gabi is much stronger. She has gone through a lot, just like you. She has lost both of her parents, moved and raised a child on her own, tackled the cancer world by herself for a little bit, and she was a kickass lawyer as well." She laughed saying it, "Gabi is a much stronger woman than Callie Troy, maybe she'll get lost and fall into depression or something but how can you not blame her for losing her kid? You have been there."

"I don't ever want to go back there," my voice came out barely above a whisper and Sammy sighed, "I hope you don't go back their Troy, I do, but you do have to be prepared."

"He is fine, his scans look good,"

"Just...know that you still have us,"

"I wish that Collin was just magically better,"

"I think Gabi wants the same thing," Sammy told me with a smile, "I know she does," I told her, "I just…I want to fix him so I can see her at her best. Cancer is dragging her to the ground." I let my fingers smooth over my face and I let out a dry laugh, "How did I get myself back here again?" I asked quietly, Sammy sighed leaning into me, "I wish I knew Troy, I wish I knew why God kept dragging you into these situations. I think he has a plan for you,"

"Don't get all God on me," I mumbled, "I think you need to have faith in the process going on," she said leaning back against the wall, I rolled my eyes, "I lost faith in the process when my daughter died." I got up off the floor, "Troy," Sammy protested and I looked down at her, "I need to go check on Gabi, she has been asleep for hours,"

"Troy," she called again, but I ignored her this time, I couldn't do this right now.

* * *

I shut the hotel door quietly and I walked across the room. My eyes landed on Gabi who was laying on the bed with her eyes trained on the ceiling, "You're awake," I said quietly, her eyes shifted over to me and she nodded, "How are you feeling?" I only got a shrug of her shoulders this time, "Collin is doing okay, and he talked to me for about five minutes before he fell asleep." I shrugged my jacket off and my eyes looked at the clock, which told me it was a little after two in the morning.

My body crawled onto the bed and she wouldn't take her eyes off the ceiling. I could see her jaw working and tightening as she was holding back emotions. My hands ran over her stomach and I wanted to say something to her but I didn't know what to say. "I missed you," I whispered into her ear, and those three words broke the floodgate of tears. "Brie," I said quietly, "I missed you so much Troy," she cried into my chest and I wrapped my arms around her to pull her close.

My nose buried into her hair as her fingers slipped between my shirt, "I'm so stupid for saying those things to you," I rubbed her back, "I am not mad at you Gabs, it was a lot to take in on a very stressful day." She took a deep breath, "I have been so scared this entire week. I have been so scared that something is going to happen to Collin. I have been so scared that you are going to realize that you don't want to be with me anymore because I remind you everyday of what you have lost and you have no idea the amount of happiness I had that you showed up today."

"Oh no," I whispered pulling her in close, "No, no," I wanted to pull her close but I let her escape my arms like she was trying to do. "Gabi, no, you remind me of my daughter and girlfriend, yes, of course but I am not going to leave you because of it. I am not going to leave you because I know what you're going through and I know you need support." She wiped her eyes with her fingers that were shaking. "How much did you sleep this week?" I asked her quietly, "Nothing, I would just stare at Collin and I would think about you."

"You should have called me."

"I didn't know what to say Troy, I don't know what to say now."

I lay on my back and she lay on her back while we both stared at the ceiling this time. "I don't want anything to change between us because I had a child die Gabi, this is why I was scared to tell you. I was scared to tell you because I didn't want you to look at me any differently. I didn't want you to look at me and wonder what that pain feels like because I never want you to know that pain. I never want you to know that feeling."

"Troy, I just…"

"No," I gripped her hand with mine as we lay on the bed. "I love you Gabi, I missed you so much this past week and I know that I need you in my life." She turned to press her body up against me, "I need you in my life too Troy, I just don't know what to say anymore." I wrapped my arms around her, "Saying you love me over and over again will work," I kissed the top of her head to feel the lingering fever. She gripped my arm, "I love you Troy,"

"I love you too Gabs," I cradled her in my arms and we both listened to the outside world zooming by us.

* * *

 _Saturday, February 14_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

My stomach was lurching forward as I tried to keep my nausea at bay. I had felt like this for two days now and it sucked. My eyes scanned over the hotel wall again when my eyes focused on Troy Bolton sleeping next to me. He came at the drop of a hat yesterday when I called, sobbing, that I needed him in Boston. I needed him to come take care of Collin because I had the flu.

The mother fucking flu.

He came without speaking to me for a week, he came after I treated him like shit, he came after everything I put him through. I snuggled up against him and his arms automatically eased me in closer. My mind had been racing with thoughts ever since Troy told me about his daughter and girlfriend. I think about the pain that he feels on a daily basis, I think about how much he has pushed through to be where he is today.

I think of how strong Troy Bolton really is.

My fingers gripped his arm and he stirred from his sleep, "Are you feeling okay?" he asked me quietly, his voice was full of sleep when he buried his nose into my hair. "My throat is sore," I told him honestly, "I still feel like I have a fever and I honestly only want to be with my son,"

He reached for his cell phone with his eyes still closed, he finally squinted his eyes to look at his cell phone. He reached up with one hand to rub his eyes, he got up with me when I puked at four in the morning and held back my hair for me and I know he waited until I went to sleep for he went to sleep. I heard his phone ring and then Sammy's voice, "Hey Sammy," Troy looked at her and I heard Sammy laugh. "Morning big brother,"

"Is Co awake," I finally looked up to see Troy was on FaceTime. I quickly sat up and Troy let a small smile rise over his lips. I took the phone from his hands to see Collin sitting up in bed, which was a major improvement since I last saw him. "Co," I breathed, "Mommy!" he gave me a sleepy grin, and the one I loved to kiss in the morning. "How are you buddy?" he shrugged, "I'm sleepy,"

"Mommy too," Collin frowned, "I miss you mommy,"

I breathed as tears brushed my eyes, "I miss you too sweet boy," I bit down on my lip, "As soon as mommy is better I will be right there with you okay?" he nodded his head, "I love you Co,"

"I love you too," he said back, I blew him a quick kiss and then hung up the call. Troy tightened his arms around me and his face pressed into my shoulder, "I'm so sorry Troy," my fingers ran over his hair, "I'm so sorry,"

"For what?" Troy asked me, his chin resting on me, "For pushing you away," I whispered, "I should have understood right then and there. I know I should have, I just…it scared me." He kissed me gently on the temple, "I know, that is why I didn't tell you beforehand because it is scary. I didn't want to scare you because you have to hold on to the little faith you have left Gabi, because this ride only gets scarier from here."

"So you don't hate me?"

"Why would I hate you Brie? I am the one that dropped a huge bombshell on you and you know what, space is probably exactly what you needed but I should have stayed. I should have been here but if I am being perfectly honest, I am scared. I am scared to watch you go down the same path as Callie, I am scared to watch you cry over Collin because his body is so fragile, I am scared to watch you hurt so badly." His breath hitched in his throat, "I am just as scared as you are Gabi but for so many different reasons."

I sat up and crossed my legs; my eyes found his while I played with the cuff on the hoodie I was wearing. "I'm sick but I so want to kiss you right now," I whispered looking at him, his eyes lifted to mine and he reached over to touch my knee. "You can kiss me."

"You have to stay healthy for Collin Troy," he smirked, "I brought Sammy with me," he reached over for me but I shook my head. I instead grabbed his hand and laced it with mine, "One day, in the future, when Collin is a little bit healthier and things aren't a mess…can we talk more about being scared and just…this ride? I feel like I can talk to you about so many different things and you'll get it." Troy nodded his head, "Brie, you can talk to me about anything and everything."

I couldn't stop myself this time as my lips pulled his in. His hands slid around my waist to pull me closer, his warm mouth fused with mine. I pulled away from him and he was daring me to continue with that beautiful smile. "Happy Valentine's Day,"

I rested my on Troy's shoulder and he held me in his tight arms, "You do need some rest though." He whispered into my ear, he pressed his lips to my forehead and I knew that he had checked for many different fevers before doing the exact same thing. "You still feel warm. Let's take your meds and then you can sleep some more okay?" I nodded my head; he swung off the side of the bed to grab the medication. He ditched his shirt at some point last night and his sweatpants rode low on his hips.

The strip of his Calvin Klein underwear showing across the top, he reached for the bottle of pills they gave me yesterday and shook out two. He gave them to me and a bottle of water. "Drink that," he said with a nod, he laid back into the bed as I took the pills and drank half the water. He rested on his side and I leaned back against him, "I haven't gotten much sleep either, I have been up constantly worried about you and Collin,"

I squeezed his hand as he buried us in the covers of the bed, "I just want to be with him right now,"

"I know, but if you get rest, and he gets rest, and you get better." His fingers pulled through my hair gently and I breathed quietly, his chest moved up and down calming me. I should have never gone a week without talking to him. I should have never acted like I did. I should have loved him. I should have begged him to stay. I should have done everything different. My nose pressed into his chest and I inhaled the scent of Troy.

"I'm not this weak," I told him, Troy let out a dry laugh, "You aren't weak Gabi,"

"You had to help me shower Troy,"

"You're _sick_ ," he told me rubbing my arm, "your child just had a major surgery and has a nasty form of cancer." He stopped there but I knew he wanted to say something else. He had a story on the tip of his tongue but the words just didn't want to leave. It hit me that it was probably a story about Callie and Baker. It was just another reminder of the life that he once had. It was a reminder of the child that he lost and I felt like I was hurting him.

"Troy, will you be honest with me about something?" I twisted in his arms to face him and his face looked concerned. "Why am I suddenly afraid of the question you are going to ask me?" I frowned as my eyes found his, "I just want to know if this _hurts."_ Troy gave me a questioning glance and I played with the hem of his sweatpants while my eyes focused on anything but his face, "Everyday, you watch Collin battle cancer and you watch me be his mother and I just need to know if that hurts you."

He sighed rolling on his back, his arms let me go and I knew I struck a cord with him. He didn't say anything for a long time while we both just watched the ceiling wondering how we got _here_. How did we get to a hotel room talking about his dead daughter and girlfriend? How did we get to Boston for my child to have _tumors_ removed from his body? How did we end up in this relationship together even through everything we have faced?

 _How?_

"The first chemo? I was pained the entire time. I watched you struggle with the pain he was enduring and it brought me straight back to Baker. I remember feeling that exact same way. I couldn't help her and that destroyed me. I couldn't take her pain away, I couldn't make her stop puking, I couldn't do anything and it was awful. I never wanted to feel that pain again and even as a doctor now, I watched Collin and I was physically sick to my stomach. I wanted to stop it, I tried, so hard to make his chemos easy Gabs,"

"I know, I just…I don't want you constantly hurting while being in our relationship Troy,"

"What? No, okay, at first was it hard? Yea, it was hard." His voice became hard because I think he was trying to say something but nothing right was coming out. "It is still hard sometimes when I see you in so much pain because you can't help him. That is what hurts me Gabi, I am his doctor, I should be the one fixing him and I can't without making it worse." He stops when he looks over at me for the first time, "Once you get back to Denver, can we get away for a weekend?"

"Without Collin?" he nodded his head slowly, "Or can we take Sammy or Marcus or somebody with us? I know you don't want to be away from him but I just…I have so much more I want to tell you. I have so much more I _need_ to tell you," I looked over at him, scared of the hidden secrets, "Just about Baker and Callie," Troy told me after he saw the panic rise on my face, "There are no more secret children or anything like that I just…I want you to know how you are never alone in this fight."

I reached over and wrapped my arms around him, "How about we just lock ourselves in your house while Collin goes somewhere when he is healthy?" Troy breathed in and he nodded, "I'll take a weekend off or something," I stroked his hair and kissed him softly. "You need to get some rest so I can kiss you," he whispered into my ear. I nodded my head while he tucked me in just a little bit closer.

* * *

Troy's POV

My eyes focused on Collin as they were attempting at doing some physical therapy with him but he wasn't having it. His age was quickly beginning to show with this surgery and how it was just too hard for him. He cried out causing my heart to wrench in pain. I was thrilled that Gabi was not here to watch this because it was too hard for me to watch him cry. His brown eyes twisted to look into mine, his face full of anger and tears.

"Daddy," he reached over for me and I felt my chest tighten, I shifted in my spot because he was supposed to be walking to me but he simply wanted to sit down and cry. The physical therapist was trying to encourage him but his sobs were growing louder. His face was red and his eyes were so tired. "Co," I said softly, "If you come here I'll hold you," I told him, we were about fifteen feet apart from each other and he cried out again.

"Collin," I soothed, I inched forward in my seat and he finally took a couple of steps towards me. His legs were shaking underneath of him and the physical therapist, Liz, made sure he didn't fall. She touched him on the back but he screamed as he took a couple more steps but they were slow. I could tell he didn't want to do this anymore and as soon as he was in my grasp this was over. I reached my arms out to lessen the amount of walking he had to do.

"Co," I whispered, his eyes pained me so deeply. His chest was going up and down quickly, "Collin, you need to finish walking," I wanted to kick Liz out of the room. I didn't want her doing this to him anymore. I didn't want him to hurt anymore. She went to move him again and he finally took the three steps so he was in my hands. I picked him up easily and I cradled him against me, as his sobs grew louder. The therapist smiled, "That was a good start. I'll give him a few minutes before we walk back,"

"No," my voice stressed, "That was enough for now. Come back later tonight to do more or send somebody else. He needs a break." She frowned over at me, "You aren't a doctor, you don't give me orders,"

"Actually," I voiced, "I am a doctor, in Denver, I was his doctor to be more exact," she looked at me and I rubbed Collin's back, I needed his sobbing to stop. It was breaking my heart. "I know that getting him back up and moving is very important but he is scared. He is three and doesn't understand why his body hurts so badly. I am just asking for you to come back later tonight to finish this session okay?" she made a face for a moment, "You treated your own child?"

"He isn't my child. His mom and I are dating and his dad really isn't in the picture. He grew attached to me and calls me dad," she frowned again when Dr. Andrew's stepped through the door, "How is it going Liz," she turned towards him, her eyes determined to outrank me. "This man, is asking me if I can come back later to finish Collin's PT because he doesn't want to hear him cry anymore." Dr. Andrew's pivoted and glanced at Collin whose sobs turned to soft whimpers but his fingers still clinched my t-shirt tightly in his hands.

"Liz, I think that actually might be a wise choice. How about we give Collin an hour break? He doesn't seem to be letting go of Troy anytime soon." Liz sighed frustrated that she couldn't just get her work done. I sympathized but Collin needed to not be sobbing so hard that it made his pain worse. He needed to relax and try again in a little bit.

Fuck. I am so glad Gabi isn't here to see this. My arms wrapped around Collin to protect him, "I want mommy," his voice was tired and exhausted, "I know buddy, she is sick though."

"I want mommy," his voice wavered a bit more while I carried him back to his bed. I laid him down but his fingers hadn't loosened since he first entered my grasp. I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I finally just rested on the bed with him. He curled against me and Dr. Andrew's sighed, "I normally have them close to discharge by this point,"

"Don't rush it," I asked him, "If I remember right, Baker spent ten days after her surgery."

"But medicine has vastly improved since then Troy, he should be up and walking. He should be better and not in this much pain."

"C'mon, you worked on his hip and his abdomen. How often do you actually do that?"

"His hip tumor is rare for Neuroblastoma, I understand,"

"So could that be the reason he is resistant to walk?"

"Probably,"

"Just give him a couple more days,"

Dr. Andrew's sighed while I leaned back against the bed, "I have to get back to Denver soon, I have patients and I can't leave Gabi like this," I rubbed my temple, "Once Gabi is better, I would consider flying him to Denver from Boston with a medical team. He would need to most likely be admitted into Denver but then you could work and they would be there."

I pried Collin's fingers off of me and I sat up to face him, "What?" he nodded his head, "I have to fly to California for a surgery in two weeks, on my way back, I will stop at Denver to check up on Collin. You are a great doctor Troy; you know what to look for and when to push him. Kyle can monitor his physical therapy because that will be hard for you to watch." I laughed looking at him, "Yea, I am really glad Gabi wasn't here for that today."

He gave me a half-hearted smile and he walked back out. My fingers ran through my hair when Sammy came strolling through the door. She had gone to get several hours of sleep while I monitored Collin. "Go back to your girlfriend, unless you need to talk," she said plopping down in a chair. My eyes roamed around the room for a moment deciding if I needed to get anything off my chest but nothing came of it. "No, Collin is going to have to do more physical therapy soon, I am glad you'll be here for it."

"Oh yea, that has been rough to watch." I nodded in agreement, "I am going back to Gabs, and I am hoping she breaks her fever today." I rubbed my temple and I laughed into my hands, "I gotta go,"

"Troy, don't forget to take care of yourself," she reminded me but I waved my hand as I exited the hospital room. I toss my car keys in my hands while I hop down the stairs through the back entrance when my phone rings. I answer it as I tucked it between my ear and shoulder navigating the parking garage. "Hello,"

"Troy," Kyle's voice was urgent from the other end of the phone, "Kyle," I replied standing straighter, "Callie's mom is here…" I felt my spine tighten, Callie's mom, Renee, would drop in to Denver from time to time and come see me. She moved away from Denver after Callie killed herself because she just couldn't be around this place anymore, frankly, I never blamed her. Renee was a wonderful woman but she was overbearing and a lot. She got mad at Callie for keeping her pregnancy and didn't really support us much until Baker came. Renee loved Baker but worked full time to support Callie and her sisters.

"Oh," I finally breathed in air, "Did you tell her I was in Boston?" I replayed the moment when I walked into her house; she was having a day where she missed Baker. A day we were all having since it had been exactly two months since Baker left us. We were all thinking about Baker and it made us sad but I ruined her life.

"Yes, she wants to know why. I didn't know what I was supposed to tell her." I leaned against the rental car and my forehead met the cold metal. I squeezed my eyes shut, "Is she around?" I questioned quietly, my brain flashes straight back to the moment I asked her to sit because I needed to tell her something. Her eyes met mine and she was sad but hopefully that maybe I had some better news from the past two months.

"Yea, she is just outside in the nurses station…are you going to talk to her?" I breathed, my fingers pinched the bridge of my nose, "Yea, I am going to talk to her."

"When was her last visit?"

My fingers rubbed together trying to think of the last time Renee swooped in and it was the anniversary of when Callie killed herself. She was hurting that day and she came back to talk to me. "A while ago," I said quietly, "About a year,"

The feeling of my chest caving comes back when I tell her what I walked in on. I tell her that she had grabbed Baker's leftover morphine that we still had and took it all. She left a note and that the paramedics took her to the morgue. I remember both of us were sobbing so hard that neither of us was breathing but she blamed _me_. I also blamed myself in that moment because I didn't do enough to protect her. It was a moment that I never could forget.

"Mr. Bolton," her sweet voice rang over the phone and I laughed, "Renee," her voice was so much like Callie's it freaked me out when she would show up at the hospital. She would wait for me to turn my back and then call my name; it would send chills down my spine as if Callie was standing right there. "How are you?" she asked me, I breathed in deeply, "I have been better honestly,"

"What are you in Boston for?" she asked quietly, she knew the painful memories of Boston. "I uhm…I'm here with my girlfriend actually," I told her, "Oh Troy! That is so wonderful! What is her name?" I finally slipped into the car as I turned the key in the ignition. "Gabi," I said quietly, "What are you guys doing in Boston?" I fiddled with a tag hanging from the rearview mirror. I had a very hard time lying to Renee because we have been through the worst of times together.

"My girlfriend has a son," I started; I could see her smiling from here because she really wanted me to move on and finally find somebody but I was married to my work. It was what I always told her, "That is amazing! How old is he?"

"Three and his name is Collin,"

"How beautiful! You weren't dating in July when I came, when did you guys meet?"

"August," I replied, "We started dating in October,"

"I'm so happy for you Troy, are you taking a family vacation in Boston?" my gut tightened because that is what we told Baker, we were going to take a vacation to Boston. We were going to see new things and do some different stuff. We casually mentioned seeing another doctor and she was happy to board a plane. "No, uhm, not exactly."

"Troy, is everything okay?" I bit on my lip, "He has cancer," I blurted from my lips, Renee didn't speak so I finished, "He has stage four Neuroblastoma," the words were pained against my lips, "I met her when she brought her son in because he was so sick and I became his doctor and we just clicked so easily,"

"Oh Troy," her words were sad and upset, I squeezed the back of my neck, "I don't know how it all happened Renee, it just…it happened. He came here to get his surgery done with Dr. Andrew's and I just…I'm sorry."

"Oh Troy, don't apologize. You finally are moving on with somebody else. I want to meet them though. I want to meet her, the one who finally opened that heart of yours again." I breathed, "I'm not sure when we will be back from Boston,"

"I actually came by to tell you that I am moving back to Denver for some time. My mother is sick and I have to move in with her,"

"Oh, Renee, I'm sorry,"

"Oh Troy, she is 93, it was very expected. I'll leave my phone number here in your office okay?" I nodded my head but she couldn't see me, "Thank you Renee, I'll talk to you soon okay?"

"Always and good luck Troy,"

I hung up the phone and massaged my forehead; I finally exited the hospital parking lot while I wondered where the fuck this day went.

* * *

Gabi's POV

Troy walked back into the hotel room and he slipped off his shoes. He didn't utter a word and I knew something was bothering him. He walked into the bathroom and I heard the shower begin to run. I leaned back against the headboard. I didn't feel good still but I was feeling better. I finally got plenty of sleep and my fever broke while Troy was gone. My throat was sore and I kept coughing like my lungs had been filled with smoke for twenty years.

My body aches were slowing but I still wasn't sure they would allow me up on the floor with Collin. I stood up and walked across the hotel room, I took off my shorts and underwear and discarded Troy's worn t-shirt. I opened the bathroom door, "Gabs?" Troy questioned from behind the curtain. I pushed the curtain aside and I stepped over the side. He turned; my eyes watched his breath falter in his chest. "Are you feeling better?" he asked me, I slid closer to him and closed the gap between us. My lips pressed hard against his while the water ran between us.

One of his hands ran through my hair and the other hand pulled me close to him. He got lost in the kiss and never looked for my answer. I pulled away but his lips began to consume every other part of my body. My thighs began to ache and my arms wrapped around him so tightly. The shower was too tight and cramped for this so when Troy turned the water off, I wasn't surprised. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

Words were never spoken between us as he pressed me against the mirror, his lips taking complete control, his hands running down my legs and touching every single part of my body. I needed this. I needed him. I needed everything about this moment. Troy was an intoxication that I needed and when I breathed him in, I was complete. Troy completed me and that scared me. I never needed this before. I never needed to kiss somebody so that I could feel whole.

I never needed to touch somebody to know that I am actually alive. I never needed to be near somebody to know that I am never alone in this world. I never needed something so much to feel so good. Troy Bolton became the center of my universe and that scared me because what if the rug was pulled from underneath our feet and the worst thing happens and suddenly…I didn't have the one drug I needed to survive?

 **Mmm…tell me what you think! I am so glad I got to update both stories this week! I hope you guys enjoyed!**

 **Please Review!**


	25. History

Chapter 25 – History

" _It's not the future that you're afraid of. It's repeating the past that makes you anxious."_

Time passes and it quickly becomes the history people are reading about in the future. In fifty years, hopefully people are reading books about kids with cancer who had to fight like hell to live. Hopefully they are just popping a pill when it comes to cancer and it magically goes away. We need a _cure_ for pediatric cancer. My child should never have to suffer like this; he shouldn't have to cry when he is in pain because his body was cut open to remove tumors.

He shouldn't be comfortable with the sight of needles after months of poking. He shouldn't be afraid of getting medicine because it might make him sick or feel gross. My child shouldn't have to go through any of this because this isn't fair to him. I wanted it for me. I wanted to do this for him. I prayed that there was a cure tomorrow and that we are the history people are reading about. I don't want to be the wrong time, to miss it by a year, for a cure to magically happy and for my baby to be gone.

I knew Collin had a strong fight still left in him but I was scared that it wasn't going to be enough.

Troy had a history and it scared me. Troy's history scared me and I wasn't sure what to think about it, I wasn't sure if he would be okay with my thoughts, I just wasn't sure what to think anymore with cancer because cancer did have a history.

Cancer had a history of being pure awful.

* * *

 _Sunday, February 22_ _nd_ _, 2015_

 _Denver, CO_

Gabi's POV

I rocked Collin back and forth in the room at Troy's house, he was battling sleep and I couldn't help but give a little smile at him. After I was better, Collin was discharged from Boston and we flew on a medical helicopter back to Denver. Once we were back in Denver, he stayed in the hospital until Wednesday when Troy felt like he was healthy enough to go home to rest. He had made leaps and bounds since last Friday.

Saturday he started moving around more and they eased on his pain meds. Once he was off his pain meds a bit more he had more energy and he began to want to do more things. He was having trouble walking but that was slowing getting over. He would tire easy and take many naps during the day but he was doing so much better. A soft knock came at the door and my eyes glanced up to see Troy giving me a soft smile. He was learning against the doorway with a crooked smile on his face as he watched us.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked him, he crossed his arms to show his muscles flex, "A while," he winked and I gave a small smile back to him, I stood up and put Collin into his bed. I tucked the sheets in around him and kissed his forehead. My nightly check to make sure he didn't have any sort of fever that could lead me to believe of an infection. He twisted onto his side but he grimaced in response.

I pushed off the bed and my eyes found Troy still watching me. I went over and wrapped my arms around his torso and rested against his body. His hands pulled me in and he exhaled, "You doing okay?" he asked me, I nodded my head against him while Troy slowly walked out of the bedroom. "C'mon, I want to cuddle with you," he whispered into my ear, "Cuddle or other things?" I asked back with a little hint of a smile.

Troy laughed, "Sorry babe, I just want to lay with you right now." He walked into the bedroom and I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at him. "What?" I asked him, he turned to face me and gave me a lazy smile. "Brie, baby, you know how much I love to do those things with you,"

"It's been since the hotel room," I grumbled, Troy raised an eyebrow at me while he crossed his arms again. "You are being a bit demanding," he told me with a rising smirk. I battled his position as I crossed my arms and nodded, "I am being a bit demanding," Troy nodded his head, "I just don't do demanding Gabs," he turned around with his fake annoyed voice and I rolled my eyes for effect. "Fine then," my voice rose in mock anger and I spun towards the door.

I reached it but it slammed shut in front of me, I gasped jumping backwards but I met with Troy's body. His hands were pressed against the door and then he bumped me with his body. I thudded against the door and I turned around to say something but I was met with his mouth against mine. I felt the gasp leave my lips and he took that as an opening to stick his tongue into my mouth. My hands were stuck in the air, as I couldn't process what to do with them.

My mind kept spinning in circles trying to figure out what to do with my hands but I couldn't focus on anything past Troy's lips on my mouth. He pulled away for a minute for us to both breathe, "You don't _ever_ get fake angry with me," he whispered into my ear and I felt my knees weaken. "Then don't ever _deny_ me sex with my _sexy_ boyfriend." Troy tried to keep a smile from his face but he couldn't do it. I kissed his jaw and my hands went up his shirt.

He breathed in sharply when my hands drifted to his waistband of his sweatpants. I reached down and grabbed his ass with my hands and he groaned, he quickly distracted me while kissing my again. He pulled me until we both hit the bed with a thud. I landed on top of him and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I couldn't get myself close enough to Troy, "I need you to be naked, now," I demanded and Troy groaned as I rolled off of him and began to take my clothes off faster than I should ever be able too.

Troy was pulling off his boxers when I rolled back over and pressed my naked body against him. He groaned when I pressed against him and I kissed him again. "I fucking love you," he whispered into my ear, "Everything about you, everything about your body, everything about your past, everything about you now, I love everything." My mind began to slowly spin in the direction of never ending beautiful thoughts, "I love you so much," I whispered back to him.

That is all that we needed to say to each other. It was enough to make us both crave each other so much that we couldn't kiss each other enough, we couldn't move faster, we couldn't do anything as quickly as we wanted too.

* * *

I rested my head on Troy's chest and his fingers braided through my hair as our breathing was returning to normal breathing patterns. Neither of us had any urgency to speak words between each other. I felt my chest fill with emotion just lying with him; his arms wrapped around me, because I felt so protected with him right here.

A sinking feeling filled my body, I thought about everything that Troy explained to me and then I came to a conclusion on what my mind was thinking. I knew I needed to ask him or tell him because I couldn't get any further and fear that he'll leave me when I am too invested before ending our relationship would be too much. I was already scared of losing him but what if he didn't want me?

My hands pushed off his body before I let any of my emotions take over and it concerned him. "You okay?" he asked me, the words rolled lazily off his tongue, his hands slid around my torso and I swallowed against the lump in my throat. I just nodded my head but Troy knew better than that. He sat up and moved my hair so he could place a gentle kiss on my bare shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to keep everything inside because we just had an amazing time together. I loved him and nothing would ever change that but would his opinion of me differ if I told him what I couldn't shake? What if we never made it past this? Doctor, patient, mother situation, what if we were stuck and he had no intention of doing anything else.

"Troy," I choked out, "Where are we going?" Troy didn't speak from behind me for a couple of minutes, "What do you mean Gabi?" I knew the question sat with him how I meant it. He knew I was asking where is this relationship going, "I mean where are we going?" I asked again, "Where is this relationship going?" my lips finally spit out the correct words.

He finally sighed and pulled me into his lap, "Not the kind of talk I like to hear after mind blowing sex," he whispered into my ear and I felt bad because whatever just happened between us was…amazing. The way it was a mix between hot and dirty and down right romantic. The way he loved me and told me that I was important to him. Yet, was I _important enough?_

"It scares me how much I love you Troy," he tilted his forehead to rest against mine and I felt tears pull into my eyes. Troy put his hand on my cheek and held me close to him, "Brie, I love you so much and I see nothing but a future with you, if that is what you need to know, I see everything from a long aisle of flowers and a life after that and a family _together,_ " my stomach jolted at the word family and fear consumed my body. This is what we needed to talk about and what if this is what changed his mind. What if this was the end?

I went quiet but he knew there was more by just the look in my eyes, he saw the fear spread through my eyes at the mention of a word family, or maybe he was confused on my intentions of what I wanted from him. "Brie, what is it?" There pure concern in his eyes opened the floodgates as the tears started to stream down my face, "What if I _can't_ have kids with _you_?" I asked him as tears were beginning to hit his hand, his thumb wiped them away while he registered the words. His face softened in response to my statement and I knew he didn't get it. He didn't understand what I was trying to say, "Were you not supposed to have children?" he asked me with a touch of hesitation. He didn't know if this was a touchy subject or not, he didn't know if I was some type of infertile. I wish it were the case though.

I shook my head because I didn't want to explain it to him, I didn't want to have to tell him what was really bothering me because that was going to completely crush him, I pushed off the bed because it was going to crush him when I said it aloud. "Gabi," I walked into the bathroom and I pulled a t-shirt over my head. It was Troy's and I knew that instantly by the smell that I was hugged with when it landed just above my knees.

"Gabs," his words were a bit more stressed as he pulled on his sweatpants. "What do you mean?" I didn't want to speak as I turned to face him. He surveyed my face, his eyes flickering from my eyes, to my mouth and it steamed down my body. He was trying to find the source of the problem. His mind was turning quickly trying to figure it out.

"I can have kids Troy," I told him; my eyes held his and it hit him like a truck as he grimaced as if I caused him pain. He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled at the ends as he tried to find the words to say the next thing, "You just don't want to have kids with _me_ ," I didn't respond and I began to talk through the blubber of tears that were causing my face to turn bright red and my eyes to strain, "and if you can't handle that then I need to know right _now_ because I need to leave, because I need to find out how I am going to live without you in my life because you are my _drug_ that is making this life so much easier."

Troy blinked looking at me, his face had curiosity and hurt written across it causing my heart to shred a little bit more. "Why?" he asked me with sincere words. My jaw clicked in place and it covered my eyes. "I can't have another child with cancer Troy and we both have had kids with cancer. I _can't_ go through this again." He didn't think about it, he just came over and wrapped me in his arms, "Oh Brie," he whispered, "baby," I couldn't stop the tears and the sobs coming from my mouth as he held me tightly in his arms. My fingers gripped to his arm as I cried against him. His arms held me tight against his body, we some how ended up on the bathroom floor. I was sitting in his lap while he leaned back against the wall. His eyes were sad as I looked at him, "I'm sorry Troy," he shook his head, "Please don't be sorry Brie," his voice was quiet, "I understand where you are coming from but Neuroblastoma isn't genetic, it is chance, and an awful chance." He whispered but my heart still hurt. "That doesn't change the AML in your family," Troy stroked my hair and he sighed, "Yea, that is there, and maybe I just lied. There are cases of genetic Neuroblastoma but we can look and run tests to make sure that it didn't happen because of you or Joe. He is the first case in your family so I would tend to lean towards it is not genetic with you." Troy inhaled as he kept talking which seemed to relax me.

"AML can be genetic and my family does have the gene but can I be honest with you Gabi," I only nodded my head again him, not willing to look into his eyes, "If we have a kid together, we can run tests if we have any concerns and we would keep an eye out for everything. Maybe I was naïve with Baker, but I am trained, and I see it now in the smallest of ways. I just don't want to see you be afraid Gabs,"

"I wasn't scared until I heard about you and Sammy having cancer Troy, I was one hundred percent willing," he kissed the top of my head gently, "That's what you meant when that changes everything in the hospital that day," I nodded my head against him and he sighed, "How about we get through Collin's cancer and then approach this subject," Troy said gently but I shook my head, "No, Troy, if this is a problem for you and maybe, yes, I could change my mind but right now I can't do it. I have watched my baby suffer and I can't bring another one into this world knowing that it might be a possibility of that babies life. I just can't do that _right now_ but if that is a problem for you then I have to know. It could never change and I cant have you one day hate me because of it. I can't have you hate me and not want to be with me when I love you."

I was looking at him as the truth spilled out and he gave me sad blue eyes, I wish I would have never thought about this tonight. We had such a good night and Collin had such a good night. It was a good day and I was trying to figure out what happened. "Gabi, I am always going to love you and if we never have a child together then I'll be okay. If it comes down to it we could adopt or something along those lines but," his fingers gazed my jaw, "I love you, nothing will change that, do you understand?" I nodded my head weakly and I wrapped my arms around his neck. My face buried into his neck as I breathed him in. "I love you Troy," his hands squeezed my sides and I tried to stop the tears from forming but it happened because I loved him. I loved Troy so much and I just couldn't wait for cancer to be over so I could get on with my life with him. So Collin could finally be a three-year old again. That is all I wanted.

* * *

 _Monday, February 23_ _rd_ _, 2015_

"Mommy," I felt his poke to my cheek and I grabbed his tiny hand, "What's wrong baby?" I mumbled from my sleep, "I'm cold," I opened my eyes to look at him and his cheeks were flushed. I sat up in bed as I fumbled with the lamp, "My belly hurts," Troy rolled onto his back next to me, his arm still covering his eyes while I pulled Collin into bed with us.

My lips pressed to his forehead and he didn't feel too warm but he felt a little. I shoved Troy and he groaned, "What?" his words were tired and drained from the emotions of the evening, "Collin might be running a fever," he opened his eyes and then closed them again once the light filtered in. He rubbed his eyes with his palms while he opened his eyes. He sat up and he held his hand to Collin's forehead. "Does your belly hurt?"

He nodded his head and Troy lifted his t-shirt off his little boy and examined his incisions on his belly. They were clean, not red, and looked good to me. "I'll go grab the thermometer," I slid out of bed and went into the bathroom.

I then handed it to Troy who took his temperature. It beeped and Troy glanced at it, "Low grade, nothing that we need to go to the hospital for," I sat down on the bed and Troy rubbed his eyes again. Collin snuggled in our bed while I lay down next to him. "Could something be wrong?" I asked Troy, he shook his head no, "No, he is probably fine. Just a little worked up,"

"Why does his belly hurt?" I questioned confused, "It could just be sore. He hasn't had many pain meds recently." I kissed his forehead, "Should I give him some?"

"Yea, that might make him feels better. I'll get it though," he rolled out of the bed and went to retrieve his pain medication. Collin snuggled up against me while we waited for Troy. Troy came back rubbing his eyes thoroughly as he handed Collin two pills and he swallowed them like a champ.

Troy then laid back down, and his blue eyes settled on me, "Go back to sleep Troy, you have to get up in the morning and go to work." He reached over to rub the top of my head gently, his fingers running through my hair, "I'm okay," his voice was tender as he was still heavily drowsy. I grabbed his hand and kissed his hand softly, he closed his eyes for a moment and my eyes found a clock in the corner. It was five in the morning, thirty minutes before Troy had to get up.

"Do you think Collin is going to be okay?" I questioned, he nodded his head without speaking and I took a deep breath closing my eyes. "Get some rest Brie," he leaned over and kissed the top of my head gently. I opened my eyes to look at him and he smiled at me, "I love you," he whispered, "I love you too," our hands linked together above Collin and we laid like this until his alarm started buzzing at five-thirty.

He groaned quietly and moved to grab his cell phone. The bright light made his face glow and he put his arm over his eyes.

Collin shifted and curled up on Troy's side. "No, no, if he does this I will not get out of bed." I couldn't help but laugh as I pulled Collin closer to me. He whined and Troy rolled out of bed. He went into the bathroom and shut the door quietly while the shower kicked on.

I quietly left the bed and crept downstairs into his kitchen. I began a pot of coffee and began to make Troy a simple breakfast. I knew he didn't like to eat much early in the morning, preferring to wait until later in the morning.

"Gabs?" his voice came closer and I peeked around the corner, "What are you doing?" he asked me, and his eyes surveyed the kitchen with a bagel and fruit with coffee. "You need to go back to bed," he told me and I took the tie that was hanging on his shoulder.

"Come here," Troy arched an eyebrow and he gave me a look, I popped his collar to lay his tie and he gave me a smirk, "I didn't know you knew how to tie a tie." I smirked back at him as I knotted it tightly and slid it up; I laid his collar flat and then pulled him into a kiss. "My mom showed me how to tie one a very long time ago," I said as I ran my hands down his shirt and he smiled again as he kissed me again, "You made me breakfast,"

"You can either eat it now or later, I just…I wanted to make up for last night. It was a bit ridiculous." Troy shook his head and rubbed the back of my neck gently, "It was not. It was something that we needed to talk about because you're right, if one of us wasn't okay with that, then we needed to know." He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, "I love you Gabi, and I will only do everything to keep you smiling and happy." I snuggled into his chest and he held me in his arms. "I love you," I whispered tilting my head to look at him.

He smiled giving me another kiss, "I love you too, and keep a good eye on Collin today and make sure that fever doesn't jump." I nodded as I smiled; "Yes sir," Troy smiled and his arms wrapped me up tightly

"You make it so hard to leave every morning," he whispered into my hair, I smiled tugging on him as I gave him another kiss but Troy took it a step further. His tongue ran over my lips and he backed me into the counter.

I groaned, as our kisses grew frequent and needy, our hands roamed to the places we were desperate to touch. Troy finally broke apart and my lips went below his ear as his breathing was labored.

"Did I mention that you make it so hard to leave in the morning?" I laughed and pulled away as I brushed my fingers over his jaw. "Go, I love you," he smiled and squeezed my chin.

"Lunch?" he asked me with a smile, "Please?"

"We have an appointment tomorrow," I told him ignoring his request, he gave me a look, "What?" I asked, "I know we have an appointment tomorrow. We are going to talk about getting ready to start his stem cell transplant." I frowned as I thought back to Ryan's and nodded my head, "Okay,"

He kissed my forehead, "We'll talk about it more tonight, alright?" I nodded my head and he backed out of the kitchen grabbing his breakfast and coffee. "Call me if you need anything," I smiled and nodded as he disappeared down the stairs.

* * *

I poured myself a glass of wine and ventured down to the living room. Collin spent most of the day watching movies on the floor; his fever never went greater than it did this morning when Troy checked it.

I had yet to actually hear from Troy today, I sent him a text message earlier today but he was fairly busy recently as he was trying to catch up from Boston.

I picked up Collin's toys and dumped them into the toy bin the corner. I then reached over for my cell phone and called Sam.

"Hey stranger!"

"Hello," I pronounced as I kicked back on the leather couch, my feet propped up on the table in the middle of the living room. "What are you up too?" I leaned back with a smile, "I am enjoying a nice glass of wine while laying on my boyfriends couch,"

"Oh, it Troy home?"

"Not yet, he must be working late tonight. He didn't tell me about a twenty-four hour shift,"

"He must have gotten caught up at work, what have you and Co been up too?"

"Recovering," I said as I examined my nails for a moment, "Collin was pretty tired today but if Ryan is feeling up to it, I think Collin is about ready for a play date,"

"Yay! I miss you guys. We should have a girls night when Troy isn't working one night," I smiled, "That sounds like a great idea. I feel like I haven't seen Mariah in forever," Sam sighed, "So how is everything with Troy?" my lips went mute and Sam didn't say anything for a minute. The air around me shrunk as it had been a while since I had seen Sam, or even talked to her.

"Gabi," her voice concerned that something happened between the two of us, something did happen between the two of us but…not what she was thinking.

"We're great," I said quickly there after, "We just had a pretty tough conversation not that long ago," I mumbled, "About what?" she asked me and I realized I never told any of them about Troy's past.

I didn't want too. It wasn't my place to tell but I needed to spill my guts so she would understand our heart to heart last night. My gut shredded thinking about having somebody else know about his past and the horrible time that he went through. Thinking about it made my stomach hurt, I began to explain slowly and carefully about Troy's past trying not to leave out important details.

Sam stayed quiet most of the time, giving the appropriate gasps and quiet whispers of oh my god along the way and once I was finished she was silent. "Gabi…" neither of us said anything for a couple of moments, "I would have never guessed that about him. Wow, I can't believe that." I nodded, "I know, I was shocked." I told her.

"So last night, I told him, that I wasn't sure if I could ever have kids with him because I can't have my kid ever have cancer again. I can't do this again and well…he confirmed how much I love him because he doesn't care. He loves me and well…I love him."

"Gabi, I am so happy for you. I still can't believe everything about his past though," I nodded my head because I was still trying to get all of the information to digest, weeks after I heard it. It made me want to hug him all the time.

"It is a little bit crazy," my eyes wondered to the clock to see it approaching eleven at night. "I better let you go," I told her quietly, "It was nice to talk to you again Gabi, I kind of miss rooming with you."

"I miss it too. I'll talk to Troy about a night he isn't working so us girls can go out,"

"Sounds like a plan, love you girl," I smiled because it made me feel good to know that I had friends that loved me and cared about me. It was nice having somebody behind my back at all times and that would always be there for me. "I love you too Sam," I hung up the phone and finished my wine. I got up and I walked to the kitchen as I stared at the clock to see that Troy should have been home by now.

I sent Troy another text message as I filled my glass again, I wondered down the hallway and I peered into Collin's room to see him sleeping peacefully. His chest was rising up and down with ease as he hugged his favorite blanket closer to him; I then looked at the door to the left. It was ajar and I crept quietly into the room flipping on the light. The room popped with lights, as the walls were pure white, a window along the front wall.

My eyes were greeted with the room of boxes that I saw the first night I ever stayed the night, the doctor hand writing clearly on the side of the box. I got closer to it and I could finally understand the letters on the box. My stomach dropped down to my knees, a dizzy spell spilled over me and I couldn't figure out why this affected me so much.

Baker.

My stomach did a flip-flop as I peeled back the box and was greeted with a picture frame on top. I sat my wine glass down on another box and I picked up the picture frame. The black frame was framing the happy people in the picture; the snapshot of a memory that he would never get back, and I could only assume it was one of the last happy memories that Troy could possibly recall with his beautiful daughter. Troy was holding a young girl in his arms and they were both smiling at each other.

It must have been pre-cancer because the girl, Baker, had hair running down her back, her smile was contagious as I smiled just looking at it. My heart then broke because of the back-story, because of the thought that she wasn't here right now. I looked at her beautiful face that had big round cheeks, her eyes were a bright blue and she was so beautiful. My eyes drifted to a very young Troy Bolton staring back at me, his smile so large, a smile I have never seen that often. His shoulders were relaxed and he was happy. I was sad that he was tainted by a horrible past that caused his heart to shatter and have to rebuild. I knew that he had a great heart now, and that he loved me. I bit down on my lip holding back tears as I sat the picture frame back inside.

I picked up another picture frame and this time there was three of them in the picture. This one was during cancer as her hair was more of a boy-style cut and her bones were thinner. Her body seemed tired and those eyes had black bags buried underneath of them. Her blue eyes were less vibrant than the previous pictures where she seemed to have a bundle of energy.

Her smile was just as contagious though, my eyes drifted to the girl in the picture as she was standing next to Troy and Troy was holding Baker tightly in his arms. Callie had her arms wrapped around Troy's bicep, her nails were done nicely and her auburn hair was pulled up in a messy bun. My eyes scanned the background to see they were outside holding each other during some warm day. Their shirts were short sleeved, and they seemed to have a glow about their skin.

She was looking over at Baker with a smile, her eyes not directed at the camera. The sadness was full in her face, I knew the thoughts that were running in her head too well as she looked at her baby full of cancer. The look that she wanted to do anything to protect her innocent baby full of cancer, she wanted to battle the battle for her and hug her extra close. I could see the inner emotion trying to escape while she tightened her grip of Troy, trying to keep herself from completely shattering while she watched her baby fall apart.

I single tear fell down my face and I wiped it away as I stashed the picture frame away, I picked up my wine glass and I twisted around to see Troy leaning against the door frame. His eyes were watching me closely but nothing about him seemed completely upset. He didn't seem to be angry that I was right here but my gut kicked me again. I was snooping through his stuff and maybe he wasn't ready for me to see all of this.

I jumped out of my skin and placed my hand over my heart as it was racing. He was undoing the tie that I tied many hours ago, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I just…I walked in and I saw her name," Troy glanced up at me and he nodded his head slowly, "It's okay," he told me, I walked over, "It's not okay if you didn't want me be in here Troy,"

"I haven't been in here in a long time, actually, not until we got back from Boston. I came in here the other night and looked at those same two pictures. The before and the after shot." His eyes seemed a bit haunted with the thought of the before and after. "You live here Gabs," he whispered to me, his fingers brushing back hair, "This room isn't a shrine of their past, it is just, where everything went Y'know?" I let my thumb run across his jaw.

"They were both beautiful," Troy gave a hint of a sad smile, "Thanks," he whispered, I could see his jaw working over time, "Troy," I whispered as I put my glass down again, "Are you okay?"

He pulled in a deep breath and nodded his head while looking at me, "Just a rough day at work, one of my patients passed away today, it is the reason I stayed longer. I stayed with her parents and made sure they were okay."

"I'm sorry," my fingers ran across the hair by his ear, "Those are the worst moments, being with the parents right after it happens because I only think of Callie in that moment. The moment I saw her heart break and shatter, there was no repairing it and you can see it in these peoples faces, they lost their little girl and there is no repairing that," my mind rapidly went to what if that was Collin and I? What if I was the one sobbing as my son took his last breath because I know my heart would shatter, I know there would be no fixing it, and I know that I would be forever scared because of it. My heart began to race and my eyes filled with tears.

I sucked in a deep breath and I tried to force a smile on my face, Troy sighed and then he looked at me face and he must have seen the fear written all over it. "Oh no, Gabs,"

"No, I'm fine, I just thought about if that was Collin and that scared me. I don't know why I did it but…" he wrapped me in a hug and kissed the top of my head. "Collin is going to get better. Kyle and I talked about everything today and we are both confident in our approach."

I didn't let many tears fall as I held on to him, "I missed you," I whispered, Troy smiled and stroked my face, "I am so glad I came home to you and not an empty house. It would have made this night so much worse,"

"Come on," I dragged his hand through the house and then we went into the bedroom. Troy went into the bathroom to change and I sat down on the bed. "Troy, what is stem cell transplants like?" he shifted and his eyes found mine as he on a pair of basketball shorts.

"It is hard and exhausting,"

"How was it with Baker?" Troy dropped his head for a moment and then he sighed, "Baker never made it that far, remember? She went in for her pre-scans and the cancer had rapidly grown back telling them that there wasn't much more they could do for her but make her comfortable."

"Oh," I felt my chest tighten, "That won't happen with Collin will it?" he shook his head, "No, it won't."

"How do you know?"

"I just know," he replied lying on his stomach. His blue eyes flickered to mine, and he surveyed to see if he should continue with the thought that was running through his head. He closed his mouth and then he opened it again, words spilling, "Transplant is going to be rough, it could last a very long time and you could spend months in the hospital." My stomach did a flip-flop as Troy walked over and sat on the bed. I sat up and Troy slid his hand along my leg, he then leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on my lips. "Don't stress too much about it now. We have a good four to six weeks before we even think about starting the transplant."

He kissed me again while I wrapped my arms around his neck while kissing him a little bit harder. "You'll be there for me,"

"All the time," he smiled kissing me; I pulled away and let my headrest on his shoulder. "I really want to take you out on a date, I feel like our relationship has been in a hospital for the past several months. Can we go on a date?" he asked me quietly, I nodded my head into his shoulder, "If you'll take one night off this week so I can go out with Sam and Mariah," he pulled back and he stroked my face. "Of course, God, you need some time away from this."

"I love you," I told him, he smiled and kissed me, he pushed me back against the top of the bed gently, his body hovering over mine. "But first, I am taking you out on a date tomorrow. Sammy is going to watch Collin at our house, and we are going to have a nice night together. Okay?" I nodded and kissed him again. "I love you too, I'm sorry about your day and snooping,"

"You weren't snooping," he stressed, "You walked into a room that had boxes with my daughters name on them. You looked at them and if I found boxes that I knew about the past, I would probably open them too. One day, I need to go through it, I need to figure out what needs to be donated and what needs to be brought back into the house." He went quiet for a couple of minutes while he thought about it and he sighed, his nose pressing into my skin. We stayed like this for some time, just holding each other, braving this world out one day at a time.

* * *

 _Wednesday, February 25_ _th_ _, 2015_

Troy's POV

I scanned the documents and then glanced at the clock, a routine that I had been doing all day long. My eyes would constantly drift from my work to the clock because Gabi and I were going on a date tonight and I was excited. We hadn't been on a date with each other in a very long time and it was beginning to stress me out because I still had several things I wanted to know about her and I wanted to spend more quality time with her.

Internally, I felt like I was racing the clock with her. I felt like I had to get all of my time in before something happened. My body wanted to know everything about her and I couldn't wait until I got another couple hours alone with her. I had a plan of action tonight, and that was to go to a hole in the wall restaurant, followed by a night at one of my favorite places to go in Denver. I rolled my chair back as the floor was slow and I was incredibly ready for a change of scenery.

"Collin's scans are in," I glanced up at Kyle who was holding a file, we had decided that Collin should go through a set of scans yesterday to send to Dr. Andrew's and to see how his body is holding up after surgery. I reached for them and Kyle gladly gave them to me, I scooted back to the light board as I quickly put the films against the light. I felt my shoulders lighten and my stomach send a round of butterflies. "Hot damn," I took down the first film and looked at the second, the third, and the fourth. I read the reports from the radiologist three times before I looked at Kyle who was giving me a smile.

"Are you going to call her or what?" I laughed and tilted my head back, "No, I actually think, I am going to leave." Kyle let his eyes slid to the clock, the same move I had been making all day long. "Go," I smiled as I ditched my white coat and pulled on my jacket. I gathered all of my paper work and I spun around to find Kyle talking to a nurse. "Ky," his eyes found mine and I held Collin's file in my hands. "I am going to bring her here later. I want her to see it. Can you get out his old scans?" he nodded with a smile, "I can."

"Thank you,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

"Co," I warned as he pushed his food aside, "I don't want to eat,"

"Fine," I replied as I finished doing the dishes, I looked down at my dark skinny jeans with a white sweater. My feet were still bare but I planned on putting a pair of black ankle boots and put the finishing touches with jewelry. "Gabi," I heard Sammy's voice and she climbed the steps of her brother's house. She was in a pair of leggings and a long t-shirt with her Columbia jacket on. "Hey Sammy," I said with a smile, Collin looked at me and then at her. He then busted into tears, he slid down from the table and ran over to me.

Sammy gave a concerned face and I picked him up, "He's tired," I told her quietly as I rubbed his back, "He might be in a bit of pain as well. He was quiet tonight." She nodded as she sat her purse down and she then pulled her hair into a tight up knot. "How did you snag a day off from the bar?" I asked her as I picked up his meal that wasn't finished as he clung to me. "Thursday's are normally my day off, I just worked through a lot of football Thursdays though," I nodded my head when I heard the garage door lift.

"Brie," Troy's voice was excited and that made a smile pull to my face. He hopped up the set of stairs and he looked at Collin, his face fell slightly. "Is he okay?" I nodded my head, "Yea, he is just tired. He freaked out when he saw Sammy."

"We're still going right?" he was nervous now and I laughed, "Yes, I just need to finish getting ready to go, Co, do you want to go see Troy?" he lifted his head and Troy came over to kiss his head. "Co," he reached for Troy and Troy gladly accepted him. "Oh just the little man I wanted to see," Troy hugged him tight and I saw Sammy struggle with a smile. "Sammy, can you come help me?" I asked and she looked at me with a surprised nod.

Troy gave me a questioning look and I smiled back at Troy, we walked through the house as Sammy followed me back into the bedroom. "You okay?" Sammy asked, I nodded as I slipped on my ankle boots, "Yea, I just have a question," she nodded as I sat back on the bed, "How destroyed was Troy after everything?" Sammy sighed and rubbed her hands together, "He was upset, of course, he was upset but he never slipped Y'know? Callie, she slipped big time. My mom slipped. Renee, Callie's mom, she slipped. Troy…skated gracefully. He kept going and it took him a really long time to grieve."

"When did he do that?" I asked as I put in a pair of earrings, "He never had a moment that it finally happened, it just…happened slowly. He slowly came to terms with it and he just skated. He didn't slip." She said with a simple shrug. I turned to finally look at her and I was trying to decide if it was unhealthy that he didn't slip. She nodded her head, "Yea, we thought about it too but it has been many years,"

"You know he never went through their stuff after he moved in here? That it is all still sitting in the box?" Sammy nodded her head, "We all have our demons Gabi, and maybe he hasn't dealt with it completely but I don't think he is going to one day find the bottle of vodka and never stop drinking. I think one day, he might have a really bad day, and he might stumble across the ground because he did lose his precious daughter but he isn't going to slip."

I breathed and went over to hug Sammy, "Thank you,"

"No, thank you, you have been a blessing to Troy,"

"I'm just scared that I will lose Collin, and then Troy will have to go through all of that again," Sammy sighed, "How about you just focus on the now with Collin?"

"Do you think Troy would slip?" Sammy pursed her lips together and she shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know, I hope we never find out."

* * *

I stirred my food slowly in a circle as Troy hooked his foot with mine. "You okay?" I nodded my head with a big smile, "I am, and I am just pretty tired. I miss you as well," he gave me a smile, "I am right here," I nodded my head and I looked at me food, I then got up and slid into his side of the booth. My head lay on his shoulder and he picked up my hand, his lips pressing into my hair. "I love you," I smiled, "I love you too."

"I want to know new things about you, I feel like our dating has been suspended since forever ago." I laughed quietly, "What do you want to know?" Troy put down his fork and his thumb skimmed my legs. "I want to know anything about you Gabs," I laughed leaning into him again, "Let's see, I'll be thirty in a couple of years, I love to read on rainy days, having sex with you is possibly my favorite activity," this caused a reaction from Troy with a laugh, his thumb going further up my thigh, my stomach started to twist while I began to talk again, "I miss working,"

Troy's finger unsnapped my button on my skinny jeans and his fingers slipped below. "Mr. Bolton," I said, my breathing strained, "Doctor," he corrected as he leaned in close, his warm breath on my skin. Goosebumps ran down my body and I reached for his wrist, "This is highly inappropriate,"

"There isn't a toddler here," he whispered, I closed my eyes and tried to appear completely normal. His hand slowly slid away and I let out a whimper because I had such high expectations, "I have such a surprise for you though, come on," I opened my eyes to stare at him blankly and he just gave me a goofy smile. I blinked as he laid down cash and he shoved me out of the booth. I laughed as he then wrapped me tightly in his arms.

His lips pressing against mine as he kissed me again, his hand slipped into mine as we walked outside. He unlocked his car door and then opened it up for me. I slid inside as he shut the door and jogged around to my side. My eyes looked at the stars glowing outside and Troy put the car into gear. He maneuvered out of the parking lot quietly, my hand reached for the stereo while Troy began to drive. "Tell me about Baker,"

Troy didn't talk for a moment but he exhaled after several minutes, "Where did her name come from? It is so unique," I finally asked and Troy gave a smile, "We joked during Callie's pregnancy that Baker was going to be a baker because Callie always wanted sweets from this bakery on campus. Everyday, I would swing by and get her something different. She always wanted something sweet and it was a constant joke between us that she was going to be a baker…" he laughed, "So one day when we were arguing over names she finally got mad and asked me to go to the bakery to get the baker something."

I smiled watching him talk about a fond memory, "Callie just turned and gave me this big goofy smile, and she was like, Troy, her name is Baker." He chuckled, "Bre was her mom's mothers name and she had just died from a brain tumor so we thought it fit." I smiled, "That is a really awesome story," I told him, "How did you decide on Collin?" I smiled looking out the window, "When I was growing up, I dreamed of having children some day so I often wrote down some of my favorite names," I laughed and Troy smiled over at me.

"So I went back and I looked at them because I was crazy enough to keep them and do you know the name that was constantly repeated? Collin. I have always loved it." Troy reached over and squeezed my knee tightly, "I love it." I smiled as I looked up to see we were pulling into the hospital. I frowned, "Troy, what are we doing?"

"I have something to show you." He said with a big grin, I gave him a questioning look and he just nodded. I trusted Troy and slipped out of the car as I met him in the middle as he stretched his hand to mine. He locked his car and we ventured into the hospital together, "Dr. Bolton," was quickly called out and he shook his head, "Not on duty," he called as he dragged me through the hospital. I laughed following him and we raced up the stairs together.

He got to the floor I dreaded the most and he pulled me back into the offices. "Troy, what on earth are we doing?" I asked him with a laugh, he flipped on his office light and I saw scans were still up on his light board. "Stay here," he said and I rooted to my spot. He moved across the room with ease. He was dressed in a pair of light washed jeans with a navy t-shirt. He had light brown pair of shoes on that stretched over his ankles.

"Shut the lights off," he told me, I shut them off and he turned the board on. I looked at the picture on the right that was full of tumors and disease and then the one on the left was…empty. "What is that?" I asked him, I didn't see him cross the room and wrap an arm around my waist gently. "That is Collin's scans," I felt my heart rate slow down and my hands begin to shake, "That is what?" I asked quietly, tears filled my eyes and Troy laughed behind me. His chest vibrated and he nodded his head in the faint light. "That is Collin's scans from yesterday." He whispered into my ear pointing to the scans on the left.

I covered my mouth and I felt my knees go weak. Troy held me up and I turned to face him, he gave me a goofy grin, "I figured you would like that," he whispered, his forehead resting against mine. "What does this _mean_?" I asked him and he smiled, "That means that Collin doesn't have a lot of evidence of disease. He has some traces but there aren't any tumors, after almost seven months of treatment and his surgeries he is ready for his bone marrow transplant."

Tears began to stream down my cheeks and Troy wrapped me tightly in his arms, "We still have a long way to go Brie, but we are taking steps in the right direction," his thumb gazed over my chin and I held onto his hand. "Troy, you have no idea how happy this makes me," he kissed my forehead and he then started to kiss me. His lips pressing against mine in an urgent way that made me want to pin him back up against the wall. His lips were warm and so inviting.

"I am so in love with you, and the fact that you are helping my son get better," Troy kissed me again, "I would do absolutely anything for Collin Gabi, you have no idea how happy I was to see and read the report. He is getting better, his tumor in his shoulder is basically gone and that is amazing," I laughed again and I looked at the two pictures again. I laughed and then kissed him again, Troy and I were not going to repeat any sort of history. We were going to march forward with smiles on our faces; we have history so we don't repeat the present.

Having Troy holding my hand through this process is amazing and uplifting knowing that I will never be alone. I will never have to be alone again, and I was so okay with that.

* * *

 **EK!**

 **I hope you all enjoyed it! I am sorry it took a couple of weeks but it is here! Don't expect an update next weekend! I'll be out of town for most of the week! Sorry guys!**

 **Please Review!**


	26. New Normal

Chapter 26 – New Normal

" _Just close your eyes and enjoy the roller coaster that is called life."_

Quickly, I had categorized everything into life with cancer and life without cancer. It had been a full sprint since cancer had invaded my life and personally destroyed my little guy but I suddenly have a moment to breath.

It was weird. It was strange to have a normal day where Collin had energy, where I was beginning to go stir crazy, and where Collin didn't seem…sick. He was finally over the hill with his recovery and was picking up pace. It was a ride and it was leveling out after so many months of ups and downs and it was…refreshing but boring. I didn't have a job to turn too when shit got boring and Troy was working a lot more to recover from his time in Boston.

My mind constantly raced for any chance that something was going wrong with Collin and that I would have to take him to the hospital but his counts were stable. His counts haven't been better and I knew we were getting ready for the Bone Marrow Transplant which would weaken him horribly, but it would do this to achieve the ultimate goal: no cancer.

No cancer has been the goal since the moment cancer came into my life. Pre-cancer had a goal of just making it through the weak with getting to spend time with Collin. Now I spent so much time with Collin that I needed a bit of a break. I needed to breathe.

I needed to breathe with Troy Bolton kissing me.

* * *

 _Sunday, March 1_ _st_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

I drew my legs up to my chest, my lips were pressed together as I tried to keep my laugh inside as I watched Mariah try to balance a book on her head, when it collapsed to the floor I let the laugh flow out of my lungs. Sam collapsed on her back in tears as her chest vibrated with loud laughter. This was the second time we have hung out this week and it was so refreshing. The first time I had Sammy watch Collin again and then tonight Troy had him.

Joe had been in and out the past couple of days spending time with Collin and Co was finally warming up to him. It was amazing how he was taking everything with stride. His dad was thrown into his life, his chemo treatments, surgery, Troy, so much was just piled on and he was laughing, smiling, and being Collin. Mariah laughed a little too loud as I crossed my arms over my chest, "Gabs, do you need more wine?" I shook my head, "No, I don't need anymore."

Sam and Mariah pouted, "You don't have to go home, you can stay here?"

"Troy is off tonight. How do I pass up that opportunity in my bed?" Sam smirked looking at me, "I actually do not know. That man is hotter than a jalapeno." I snorted at the reference and took a drink to finish it off. "So can you please tell Mariah about what you told me about Troy's past?" I cursed underneath of my breath and Mariah gave me an intense look, "Excuse me, what does Sam know that I do not know? It can't be that bad because you are still with him,"

I put my forehead against the cool counter and groaned, "Sam," I threatened, "Gabi, c'mon, you told me about it! Tell Mariah about it so I can ask you a question!" I pushed my wine glass across the counter. "Filler up," I muttered, my fingers rubbed the bridge of my nose as I exhaled. "No, no, what do I not know?" I lifted my head up to look at Mariah and I surveyed her face, "This doesn't leak anywhere, it took him _months_ to tell me so you have to know that he doesn't want this out,"

"Does he know that I know?" I nodded my head slowly, "I told him that night. I don't want to hide anything from him." I said quietly, she nodded her head and I looked at Mariah, "Promise?" I ventured, "Yes!" she exclaimed after putting the wine down. I sent a text message to Troy and then slid my phone across the bar. I slowly began to tell the story for a third time with Sam interjecting parts that I was seemingly forgetting.

My eyes watched as Mariah digested all of this information that spewed out of my mouth, the telling going from beginning to end of Troy Bolton's past that had such a strong impact on me. Mariah's jaw kept dropping further and further with shock. Once I told the final bit about Callie's suicide and Troy taking zero time off of school after that happened, I took a long drink of my wine and begged for another as Mariah stayed silent.

"While Mariah is over there processing everything, I have a question, why on earth did he not tell you sooner?" I shrugged my shoulders, "You'd have to ask him that. I think he was scared of how I would react to the news while my child was in the middle of cancer treatments."

"But that changed," she stated simply, I nodded my head, "I think it was getting to the point that I was beginning to understand their was something I was missing and that it was becoming increasingly important to tell me. It has actually helped our relationship a bit because I can completely lean against him when I need too, I can ask him more questions on a personal basis, and I just feel like maybe he chose the correct time."

"Why do you say that?" Sam asked me quietly, she filled my glass half way and I took another drink. "Because, this way, we fell in love because we didn't have a bond and we created a bond. If he would have told me all of that up front, I am not sure where that would have led us. I know that I love him because of him, I love him besides his past, and I love him no matter what life throws at me. I don't love him because he has a sad past, I love him because of _who_ he is." I bit down on my lip as I digested my words, "I am not sure that makes any sense,"

"No, that makes sense," Mariah offered, "You didn't fall in love with Troy because of what happened to him and because you could relate to him. You fell in love with him because of who he is now," she nodded her head and I sighed, "So that is the things I have been dealing with, he has a whole room of boxes of her stuff still and Sammy told me he never actually grieved for her so,"

"What do you mean by that?"

I paused trying to properly to collect my thoughts on the matter, "I feel like if Collin would to pass away, I would crash face first into the earth. I would be lost and heartbroken beyond repair. I wasn't sure what would actually happen to my physical self but I sure as hell know that I wouldn't be starting med school in a month time. I wouldn't even think about it but he carried on and did all of his proper pre-studies that he had, he took care of Callie who is almost precisely who I would have been, then Callie died and he started med school the next day throwing himself into that. When did he have that moment where the earth broke Y'know?"

Sam and Mariah shared a look, "Gabi, this was a long time ago. He probably had that moment and Sammy didn't have that knowledge." I shrugged my shoulder and I looked between the two of them. No more words left my mouth as I continued to look at my wine glass. My eyes began to blur and I let my hands cover my face, Sam's arms wrapped around my shoulder as a cry left my mouth. "Gabi,"

"I'm so sorry, I'm just scared of going through the same exact thing. The words are too real and the emotions are too scary to actually deal with," I paused as words were stuck in my mouth and I felt helpless, "I feel like we're in this waiting game right now and that there is this awkward normal that is being passed around. We are in this normal that means that my child could take a dramatic turn for the worst while we wait for his body to be healthy enough so we can destroy it again? It makes little sense to me. I am so confused and I need another normal."

Mariah went to say something but I began to talk again, "My normal right now is getting up with Collin, watching movies for hours because he doesn't have much energy to do anything else. The days that he does have energy we play and go out and try to find something to do, we still go to the clinics once a week to check everything, we visit too many doctors, he still fights me on eating but it is getting better, and we are so deathly bored everyday." I paused and I wiped underneath of my eyes, "I know you guys both understand,"

Sam gave a swift nod of her head, "How about we let the boys have a play date tomorrow? How about we change the new normal?" she said with a simple shrug, "Maybe we should venture with the though of letting Collin go to a daycare for a couple of days a week as long as his counts are healthy. Just to give him somebody to play with, we could find one that Ryan can attend too." She offered quietly but I knew that wasn't possible. Ryan just went through transplant and couldn't attend daycare.

"Kale," Mariah offered, who was in the same stage as Collin. Waiting for transplant. She knew all too well what my brain was going through and I glanced at each of them, "Okay," I breathed, "No side of the street daycares,"

"We actually have a place…" she said with a small smile, "Wait, you were plotting this,"

Mariah and Sam shared a huge grin, "With that lovely boyfriends guidance of course," I stared dumbly at the both of them while Mariah grabbed a packet, "I had already been looking into it because I actually need to go back to work," Sam started slowly, "I also knew that Ryan needed to be in a safe place that didn't care a lot of germs, so I reached out to friends I had made." I nodded following along, "I talked to Troy about it and he referred me to a daycare provider that was started by three moms that had children with cancer in the same predicament."

I listened closely as the three mothers had opened their house to five children with different types of cancer per household. They were gracious enough to shuffle the kids around to let these three go into one of the houses. The mothers all understand cancer, they all know how to take care of medication, they keep the house super clean and any signs of illness are reported and are dealt with efficiently. Troy highly recommends it and he asked me to try and convince you."

I didn't say anything as I looked between the two of them for a moment, tears pooled in my eyes again and I just hugged them both. "Troy really wants you to get back into working or doing something until transplant." I again, didn't say a single thing, and I hugged them both just a little bit more.

* * *

Dropping my purse and keys down onto the dining room table, I heard Troy typing away in the office. I walked across the room as Troy had the phone tucked between his shoulder and ear, his fingers moving across the keyboard gracefully. "Yea, no, I get it but," his sentence was cutoff from the other caller, he sighed with a bit of frustration and his squeezed the bridge of his nose. He grasped the phone in his hand as he leaned back; his eyelids hid his intense blue eyes. "Josh, listen, I am going to be frank. I waited up to call you because I knew you were on vacation. I honestly think this child is fantastic for the trial treatment."

Troy stopped talking again and he sighed, "Fine, I'll email you everything tomorrow when I get to the office and then will you please call me when get back into town?" he covered his face with his open hand and he leaned forward, I walked over and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He relaxed against my touch, his free hand coming up to grab my hand as he finished his phone conversation. "Josh, please, think about it. Look over the scans and call me, if I have to I will fly out to Arizona to convince you in person." I kissed his temple and then moved my way down his face. His breath faltered a bit, "No, I really don't want to do that either. I have a girlfriend and her son is pretty sick, so I don't want to leave either so take a fair consideration when looking at them when you return,"

I twisted his chair around and I slid onto his lap, his eyes looked at me with pure curiosity. I took in his faded gray t-shirt with a pair of black basketball shorts. His eyes watched me, his conversation continued and I kissed him lightly on the lips, my fingers drifted up his shirt. "Yes," he mumbled quietly while I began to suck on his neck. His arm stiffened as he tried to restrain but his eyes rolled into the back of his head. "Josh, man, I gotta go, have a great vacation with your wife. Thank you for listening to me," he then hung up the phone, it clattered onto the desk. I pulled away as I looked at him but I didn't get a chance as his lips pulled me in and I let out a loud moan.

"What the hell," he mumbled pulling away from me, "was that about?" he asked me quietly but I shut him up as I kissed him again but only harder. His hands reached into my hair and pulled me in closer, we both gasped from the shock of the kiss, his eyes dragged me in quickly. I eased off his lap for a moment as I quickly pulled my leggings down and Troy slid his shorts off and I quickly climbed back onto his lap. My lips crashing onto his again, my fingers gripping his hair and he moaned into my lips.

"Are you still taking birth control?" he mumbled against my lips, I nodded my head as I went a couple of weeks without taking it and not having any so he would check every now and then. He was thankful this time, as we didn't want to take the time to actually stop.

* * *

Troy's breathing was finally slowing down and he exhaled, "Can I ask?" he mumbled into my hair, I slid off his lap and reached for my leggings again, I decided to not put them on and walk across the hall to grab a pair of sweatpants hanging from the pole in the laundry room. "Gabi," he called out, I returned leaning against the doorway as I watched him sit there and ponder what the hell just happened between us.

"I can't have sex with you for no reason?"

"You walked in here with a complete purpose," he said with an eye watching me. He bent over to grab his shorts and he slid them on, he then walked across the room, he trapped me back against the wall and he kissed me softly, "No reason, no purpose, I just wanted to treat you for being so patient and loving," Troy smirked and he shook his head with a laugh, "Funny, I don't believe you for a single second." I gave up my act and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Fine, do you want to know why I love you so much and decided that I should show you how much I love you?" he finally nodded his head, his tongue sitting on the roof of his mouth as he tried to contain the smile rising on his lips. "Sam and Mariah told me about the daycare and how you want me to look into it." Troy let his facial features soften a tad, he brought his fingers up to my face and he gave a soft smile. "You and Collin both need to find some normalcy while we wait out the transplant waiting time,"

"How much longer are we looking at?" I asked him, Troy sighed, "Three weeks probably, but three weeks where you can get other things done. Collin can spend time with peers, and I feel like it will be a bit smoother." I rested my head on his chest and he drew me in to a tight hug, "I love you," I whispered up to him and he gave me a quick peck on my lips, "I love you too," Troy wrapped me tightly in his arms for a couple of minutes. We lay like this for some time and then he pulled away, "Are you thinking about it?" I nodded my head, "I am. It sounds like a good idea."

"Please," I rested my head against his chest and looked at the picture on his wall of us three. My eyes focused on my smiling face, Collin was laughing, and Troy was looking at the two of us, a giant smile featured on his face. It was my current background photo as well, Sammy took it of us at Christmas and it was still my favorite picture. "What are you thinking?" I let his words sink in before I considered answering them, "I'm not thinking I'm just looking at the picture on the wall."

Troy turned to look at the picture as well, "I really like that picture." I smiled, "Me, too," he gave me a gentle kiss, "What would you say if I already called the people in charge of this program and scheduled a practice day on Wednesday?" I looked up at Troy and I knew my first reaction was supposed to be mad but I wasn't. I was really happy about it actually, "Good, is there anyway I can go and check it out beforehand?"

"What if I told you I already did about two weeks ago?" I pushed him and laughed, "Troy," he pulled my hands in to his body and he smiled, "What? I really want you to have a normal life right now," he whispered into my ears, I smiled and pulled him in for another kiss. "Wow," he whispered to me, I laughed, "What?" I asked him, "You aren't mad at me, any other women would have been yelling at me. I was fearing this."

"I'm not mad at you,"

"Good, that makes that sex even more amazing," I rolled my eyes and he laughed, I then heard Collin's high pitched scream, the one that caused my hair on the back of my neck to stand straight up. My heart began to pound a bit faster and I knew the cause behind the scream: nightmares.

I pushed away from Troy and booked it up the stairs. I opened the door to Collin's room quickly and pushed inside of the room. He was sitting up screaming, I climbed onto the bed and did our routine of nightmares. I circled him into my arms and repeated over and over again how I loved him and how I was here for him. I kissed his face while we rocked back and forth until his blubbering sobs became soft hiccups. He closed his eyes again while I rubbed his back, "He's asleep," I glanced up to see Troy leaning against the doorway.

Troy had grown accustomed to the nightmares that Collin would have, the blood curdling scream that he would release, the loud sobs, and the calm tranquility of him falling back asleep. I gently laid him back down, his fingers stuck in my shirt, as I unhooked him. He laid back down gently as I grabbed his sippy cup and his nighttime pacifier for after nightmares. I put them both close by and pushed off the bed. Troy followed me and his hands ended up on my hips, "When did his nightmares start?"

I shrugged, "Two?" I really couldn't remember the exact moment his nightmares started. I just knew they were frequent and exhausting. "You both have a routine for them," I nodded and crawled onto the bed, Troy stretched his arm out above his head and yawned, "I do not want to go to work tomorrow," he rubbed his chin and I shrugged, "I'm sorry." He snorted, "I don't want to go to work because I want to be with you and Collin all day."

My fingers stretched across my lap while I tried to hide the smile crossing my face, "You have come so far since I have met you," Troy gave me a narrowed look and I chuckled, "C'mon Troy, Bridget could barely get you to leave the hospital to spend time with you family. Now? You don't want to go to work to spend time with your girlfriend and her son."

"Family," Troy automatically corrected, his eyes were low and his lashes flashed in front of his eyes. "You and Collin are my family." I didn't say anything while I pulled at the blanket below me, Troy crawled onto the bed and he wrapped his hand around my ankle. "Brie, you are my family. I love coming home to you because I never want to leave you. The pure excitement that I get when I realize I am going home soon and I get to kiss my beautiful girl," a blush worked over my cheeks and Troy laughed while rubbing my knee with his thumb. "And I get to play with the funniest little guy,"

My eyes watched his face, "Family," he said finally, "You're my family and I don't want you to ever second guess that." He found my hand and clasped our fingers together. I gave a shy smile while he army crawled forward to press his lips against mine. "I love you." He said gently, I gripped his face and kissed him again, "I love you too."

"Can you believe we have only been dating for four months?" he asked me after a moment, I laughed letting go, "What a whirlwind of a relationship." I said, he tugged me close and we both lay with each other. "Sleep, please," he whispered, I nodded as I let my eyes fall close with his lips pressed to my forehead.

* * *

 _Wednesday, March 4_ _th_ _, 2015_

I wrung my hands nervously as I watched Collin slowly get accumulated to his surroundings, I knew it was helping with Kale and Ryan being here as well but he was still confused.

I tried to explain to him that it was going to be similar to going to Ms. Jenny's daycare and he sort of understood but this was a bit different. I think that was throwing him off the most about the very sterile house. We all had to wash our hands upon entering, shoes were left at the door, and we were going to leave a set of everything here for Collin to have. An extra set of clothes that stayed here, wipes, and certain toys that would constantly stay here. We bought him a new blanket for here as well to minimize the amount of germs that could enter.

My eyes slowly scanned the house again as they attacked the toys, the toys that were wiped down twice a day. This had to be one of the cleanest daycares I had ever walked into. I had come to find out it was three small townhouses rented out together. They had gotten several grants from the government to help fund them along the way but money was easy to come by when parents had to work and needed to take their children somewhere, especially after transplant.

The backyard was fenced in and they would go outside to play when it was nice, which wouldn't be for several more weeks, when Collin would most likely be cooped up in the hospital.

"This is so weird," Joe leaned in close to me and I took a side step away from him, I invited him to tag along as he slowly was becoming closer with Collin. After watching him several times with Collin, I let him watch Co for an evening while Troy and I went on another date. Collin reported to me the next morning about how much fun he had with Dad Joe.

Troy slipped his hand across my back noticing my discomfort with the situation, he had snuck off to talk with one of the moms, a former patients mother, and get caught up on how Seth was doing. He was one of Troy's first patients many years ago. Collin turned around to look at me and I gave him a big smile, he gave me one back. "Co, I'll be back in a couple of hours to pick you up," I called quietly, he barely noticed as Troy shoved me out the door. Joe, Mariah, Kel, and Sam all followed us out. "So what are we doing now?"

"I'm going to work," Kelvin said leaning in for a quick kiss from Mariah, "I am going to spend time with my other kids," Mariah said with a half smile. Sam stretched her arms in front of her; "I believe I am in store for a nap, and then going to have lunch with Grant."

"Exciting," I ventured as my eyes directed towards Joe and Troy. "I have to go to work," Troy said with a slight cringe, "I'm sorry though," he said kissing the side of my head. "How about you go talk to your friend," he said with a simple nudge, "See what you two can work out?" his blue eyes held something deep inside that made me weak. I spotted Joe seeking his car out and my eyes twisted back to Troy. "I don't know,"

"Please," he leaned back against his car and crossed his arms, he was going to not leave unless I told him I went and talked to Ken. I bit down on my lip and sighed, "Okay, I will go talk to Ken today, but I am not promising anything. We are considering transplant in three weeks," I said quietly, Troy reached to grab my hand and he linked them together.

"I understand I just want you to get back into the swing of working again. Maybe you don't take on a lawyer position yet but something else in the law firm? I don't know how all of that works but I bet Ken will find something for you," I looked at him and he reached up to touch my cheek, "I am not doing this because I want you to be working because of money or something," he clarified, "I am doing this because you are _bored_ and you love your job."

A smile pulled over my face and he pulled me to his chest in a strong hug. "I love you Brie," he whispered into my ear, I gave him a quick squeeze back, "I love you too T," he let me go and then kissed my forehead, "I'm working late tonight, I want a full report on how his day goes okay?" I smiled and gave a small nod, "You'll probably be asleep when I get home."

"Probably, I wouldn't mind you waking me up though," Troy gave a laugh and he shook his head, "Lesson number one, never wake a sleeping mother."

* * *

"Gabriella?" the lady gave me a confused look on why Ken was allowing a non-appointment back in his office. Ken hated when people showed up unannounced to his office. He was a firm believe in appointments.

I also knew that he never had clients from 11-2 so he could work on other cases and eat lunch. I showed up at 11:30 knowing all clients would be gone and that if I dropped my name he would let me in. Ken always had a soft spot for me in the past four years.

The new secretary escorted me back and Ken was opening the door to his smaller office with an impatient look in his eyes. "Gabi," he breathed and he drew me into a big hug. I hugged him back and he gave me a smile, "How are you doing?"

"I am okay," I said rubbing my arms, Ken was wearing a pair of slacks with a sweater, "Come into my office," Ken was maybe six foot, if that as I followed him in. I instantly found pictures of his wife and kids staring back at me.

"How is Collin?" he asked me, my response was quick, "Good, actually, there isn't much evidence of disease anymore after his producer and we are getting ready to do his stem cell transplant in a couple of weeks,"

"That is amazing, I bet he is handling it with stride." I nodded my head again and looked down at my fingers, "My boyfriend has been a blessing with all of this too. He makes Collin feel better about himself and makes this journey a lot less lonely,"

Ken thought back on when he met Troy and he smiled, "Yea, I remember meeting him. He seemed like a nice guy."

"He is. He actually pushed me to come in here today," Ken gave an approved smile and I breathed, "So Collin has at least three weeks until his transplant starts, maybe more, if his body isn't ready for it but anyway, I have a lot of spare time on my hands. He is in day care from 9-4 everyday unless he gets sick so I could be some use to this office, if you still want me,"

"Yes," he said immediately, "I want you back. Tom and I actually fought over who could keep you, you were about the only lawyer we did that with." I felt a smile rise over my lips with the confession, "Well, I am happy I ended up here. I noticed you aren't the only name on the wall though,"

"I partnered with Adam Jakes and William James," he said with a certified nod, "They are good people and have welcomed me with open arms. I told them about you and your circumstances, they agree that you'd be a fine hire."

"I just need everybody to understand that Collin will come first. If he is sick, not feeling well, in the hospital, or even on Monday's when we have to go to clinics to get his port flushed and check his counts, Collin is first."

"How many weeks until transplant?" Ken asked me casually, "Three to four weeks," I answered, "I will be gone for four to six weeks after that so I don't necessarily want to take on any cases I just want to be inside an office and doing some sort of work again. I have been pretty bored recently."

Ken nodded his head while he racked his brain, "Do you want to do consults with clients before I meet them? Pre-deciding which cases are more pressing for a senior lawyer?" I gave a swift nod of my head, "Yes, that sounds amazing. If you ever need any files found or investigation I can do that too. I am leaving everyday at 3:30 though, I have to get Collin at four and I want to spend every single evening with him."

Ken gave a soft smile, "I think that is perfect Gabi, how is he really doing?" I breathed a shaky breath and I shrugged my shoulders, "It is a waiting game, we are thinking things are getting better but it is cancer and I have to keep myself in check with that."

"Well Gabi, I will be pleased to see you tomorrow after you drop Collin off. I will get all the paperwork needed to start working tomorrow and then we will go from there. Sound good?" I nodded and he shook my hand like old times, "I'll see you tomorrow, and Ken," he rose his eyes to meet mine, I gave a smile, "Thank you for understanding."

"Of course. Like I said, if this was any of my kids I would want the same exact thing." I thanked him once more and then made a break for the door. The secretary gave me another sideways glance while I passed through the office. It felt good to know that I had a task tomorrow that I wasn't going to lay around the house all day and watch the same movie over and over.

* * *

"Gabi, what are you doing here?" Jace gave me a smile and I shrugged with an innocent grin. After I went home to eat lunch and take a nap, I grew restless with the house being spotless from so many days being there. "Uh huh," he said with a growing smirk, "I have no idea what you are saying," I said with a laugh as I passed through the nurses station.

Jace rolled his eyes at me and I provided another smile as I disappeared into the offices. I opened the door to his office, Troy was typing on his computer. "Jace, I'm busy man,"

"Too busy for a quick make-out session?" I questioned, his head flashed up and a smile bounced onto his face faster than a cheetah running through the jungle after their prey. "What are you doing here?" he asked me as he stood up, his previous words of being completely busy forgotten about.

"I can't come surprise my sexy boyfriend?" he smirked and came over to wrap his arms around my waist, "Of course you can," he whispered as he closed the space between us. I breathed him in while our kiss grew deeper. A knock came at the door, "Troy," Jace's voice entered and Troy pulled away, "Busy," he gasped and his lips came back to mine. "Bolton, I know you are _working_ but I have an important document that needs signed." Troy pulled away again and stared at the door. He moved towards the door and swiftly opened it. Jace was on the other side smirking, "Booty call?" he said quietly, Troy frowned in response, "Jace, paperwork," Jace handed over documents that needed signatures, "Also, a mother would like to meet with you and she is in clinic,"

Troy let his eyes move to the clock on his wall and he nodded his head, "Tell her I'll be down there at three forty-five to talk to her, if she is done sooner,"

"She won't be," Jace confirmed, Troy nodded, "Three forty-five then,"

"Do I need to come get you at three forty-five?" Troy shook his head, "No, Gabi is going to be gone by then," Jace looked over at me for confirmation, "I have to pick Collin up at four, and it takes fifteen minutes from the hospital. I'll also want to be early so…" Troy gazed at the clock again, "Give me fifteen minutes with my girlfriend okay?" Jace nodded his head, "You got it sir,"

Troy shut the door, and then my back was against the door until we both couldn't breathe. Troy groaned into my neck, "I would definitely bend you over that desk," he whispered into my ear, my stomach tightened in response and my eyes glanced at the clock. Five minutes.

"If you're quick and quiet." I kissed him and Troy was trying to show self-restraint but it was killing him. His eyes were strained and he pulled away completely as he took several deep breaths to calm his body down. His hands were raised above his head, his fingers locked together on the back of his head as his shoulders flexed. "What if I told you that was on my bucket list," I teased, Troy held his hand up but didn't face me. "Gabriella," he spoke efficiently, "Stop."

I let a laugh fall out of my lips and I sat on the edge of his desk. "I went to talk with Ken today and I am going to consult on cases, listen to them first, and decide what lawyer that fits best in the firm."

Troy spun around to face me, a goofy smile on his face, "Brie, I am so happy for you." He said reaching forward to rub my arms with his hands. He then brought me into a slow kiss that made butterflies creep into my stomach. His fingers cupped my chin; he pulled away to only then plant a kiss on my forehead.

"Wake me up when you get home," I pleaded, I knew it was going to be late, well after midnight as he picked up the graveyard shift of twelve to twelve for today so that he could go with my this morning to take Collin. He was also due for one of those shifts between the doctors.

"Maybe." He said sliding his finger across my chin, "I also have to get up for a seven shift," he whispered to me and then another kiss. "You better go a little boy is waiting for you."

I gave a big smile and squeezed Troy tightly, "I love you,"

"I love you too,"

* * *

"Momma! Look!" Collin brought me a picture that he must have drawn today and I smiled, "Co, that is amazing." I said with a big smile, I kissed his temple and gave him a big hug.

"How was your day?" I asked him, he gave that famous grin that made me fall deeper in love with him every single time. "It was fun!" he squealed, "I got to play with Ryan and Kale!"

"Yea? Did you make any other friends?" I asked him gently as I helped him put his shoes on at the door. "Yes! Anna and Olly!"

"Olly?" I questioned, a nice laugh came from above and I looked at one of the directors, Whitney, "Holly," she said with a smile, "Collin couldn't pick up that H very well today and called her Olly all day. She is six and thought it was super funny." I smiled, "How was his day?" I asked standing up, "He did fantastic. He plays very well with all other kids, knows his manners, and love that he knows when to speak his mind about going to the bathroom."

I looked down at Collin who was fastening his Velcro shoes. "He is pretty awesome," I said with a grin, "I am very glad he was good for you,"

"He had a blast with Kale and Ryan,"

"I'm sure. You get those three together and they have nothing but fun," I nodded tucking hair behind my ear, "It is good that he has friends going through cancer with him. None of them feel different and like an outsider. He feels normal which gives him a lot of confidence."

I ran my hand over his growing hair, "Thank you for letting these boys in for this opportunity." I said with a smile, "Well I have to thank your boyfriend a lot for being so proactive with Seth's cancer and being such an amazing doctor."

I gave a small smile, "Yes, he is very good at his job. Co, are you ready?" he nodded standing up and I took his hand in mine. We walked out as Ryan and Kale were picked up already by the time I got there which was okay, Collin needed to learn to play with other children without them. Sam was going back to a desk job at her previous employment and Mariah was trying to catch up with her other children. Collin climbed in the back of my car and he buckled himself in. I double-checked and walked across to get into my car.

"Co, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Pizza!" he called with a smile, I smiled back at him, "Pizza it is then,"

* * *

 _Thursday, March 5_ _th_ _, 2015_

I rolled over and stretched my hand out to feel a solid mass that I didn't feel earlier, I opened my eyes to see that Troy was sleeping next to me. I then glanced over at the clock that read 5:15.

What the hell Bolton, I wanted sex last night. I even wore his t-shirt and boxers to bed because that normally turned him on. I debated about how much time we actually had, Collin would be awake by 6:45 and Troy had to be gone by 6:30.

I would give him fifteen more minutes of sleep that gives us thirty minutes. I watched the ceiling fan turn in circles for several minutes but I wanted to kiss him and I needed him to bury himself deep into me.

A frustrated groan escaped my lips as I rolled over and had his mouth onto mine in a matter of seconds, he didn't respond for several seconds but he was into it within seconds. His arms moved to pull me in and I slid my hands inside his boxers. He let a groan escape into my mouth and I took that for an invitation.

He finally mustered up some strength and flipped me onto my back causing a squeal to leave my mouth, his lips moved to my collarbone and then trailed to my breasts. He pushed his t-shirt up and off my shoulders, my hands danced in the air until the shirt was flung across the room. His thumb circled my nipple slowly and I tried to restrain myself from him.

No words were spoken between the two of us for the next twenty minutes as we explored every single aspect of each other in the early morning of the hours. Slips of small moans of desire fell between us and nothing else. He collapsed down next to me, his face burying into the mattress below, his arm wrapped around me and his lashes filled as he looked up at me.

"What. The. Hell." He whispered, I let out a large laugh and cuddled closer to him, he buried his face into my hair while I breathed him in, "I told you I wanted you to wake me up when you go home." Troy pulled his fingers through my hair and sighed, "I couldn't bare to wake you up from such a peaceful slumber." I smacked his shoulder and he sucked in a laugh, "Abusive." He mumbled to me, I turned my head and he kissed me. "If you would just follow instructions,"

"You were snoring so cutely," I gasped sitting up and Troy laughed, "I said it was cute!" he claimed, I laughed shaking my head as I straddled his lap, he gripped me tightly and I stroked his face with my thumb, "You're so mean," he laughed, the beautiful smile pulling onto his face. He kissed me slowly after that and I let my arms fold behind his neck pulling him close. "You're beautiful, and sexy," I laughed against him when his alarm on his phone began to sound.

He let out a groan as I reached over for it and shut it off, Troy buried his face into my neck, "No, I do not want to go to work, I want to lay in bed with you all day." I kissed his shoulder and pulled back to let my fingers sweep through his hair. "I have to get ready as well…I would like to take a shower before Collin wakes up…" my fingers drew across his chest and I felt his breathing shift, "Mind if I join you?" his blue eyes locked mine and he then popped off the bed, flipping me over his shoulder and then carried me into the bathroom.

I laughed as he turned the shower on, "I'll take that as a yes," Troy laughed, "Hell yea,"

* * *

I smoothed my dress pants down and Troy let out a low whistle, his hands went around my hips and he pulled me back against him. I laughed, "Do I actually have to go to work?" he whispered as he nibbled on my ear. I put my elbow into his gut and he let out a laugh, "Mommy!" I turned to put my hand on Troy's chest; he kissed me quickly then I disappeared down into the hall where Collin was standing in his room. I picked him up and he pressed his nose against me.

"Do you want to get ready so you can go play?" he nodded his head and I smiled, "All right, c'mon," I took him to the room and we picked out a pair of sweatpants with a long sleeve shirt and a sweatshirt. "Mommy, can we take this out?" he tugged on his port and I shook my head, "No, sorry buddy, you are going to still need more medicine," he pouted and I looked up to see Troy leaning in the doorway. He wasn't smiling as a thin frown was placed on his lips.

"Dad," Collin bounced over to him and Troy smiled at his prance in his underwear and long sleeve shirt, "Mom said I still need medicine," Troy bent down and nodded, "Yea, but not for a couple of weeks," he pouted again and Troy picked him up tickling him. "I promise, it will come out soon enough."

Troy finished getting him ready and I went down to the kitchen to finish breakfast. Troy came in to sip on his coffee and I kissed his cheek, "I'm going to go finish my make-up." He nodded and I went back to our room as I finished. I took the time to carefully apply my makeup over my face. I slipped on a bracelet with a long necklace; I heard the laughs of Troy and Collin causing a smile to pull to my face. I shut the lights off and grabbed my heels from the counter.

I walked downstairs to see Troy drinking his coffee while Collin picked at his food. They were leaning close to each other and smiling, the topic of conversation seemed to be centered on super heroes. I stopped and I listened to the end of the conversation while I slipped my shoes on. Collin's face held extreme excitement while I watched Troy listen intently. Troy glanced over for a second and he gave me a smile after doing a double take.

I smiled back at him as I went over and leaned next to Collin as he continued to talk with big smiles. "Mom!" he turned towards me with a smile and I kissed his temple. I could get used to this normal, Troy and I living together with Collin between the two of us. His sweet smile causing Troy and I to smile with confidence, and the fact that we were all going to work in a little bit. Collin was going to daycare. I loved this normal, I loved kissing Troy, and I loved snuggling with my son.

I could get used to this.

Normal.

* * *

 **So so so so sorry. I know, I promised this a while ago. Well. Here it is.**

 **I hope you like it! It a cute fluffy chapter for the clan, I hope you guys enjoyed! I will HOPEFULLY update Ace towards the end of Sunday but don't be alarmed if it isn't. It could be Monday. I will for sure update it once it is done, okay?**

 **Have a great night and happy Friday!**


	27. Fight

Chapter 27 - Fight

" _I believe, no matter how bad the fight, as long as our feet find each other underneath the sheets, everything will be alright."_

It is no secret that I have a rebellious side to me. I don't care what people actually think about me and I liked to push the rules beyond their limits. My rebellious side slowed down when I had Collin but that didn't mean it didn't sneak out every now and then. My rebellious side often got me in trouble and it lead to several fights.

It also came down to my persistence to be right, hello, I was a lawyer. I had this drive to be right and to be prepared for everything. It lead to countless arguments with my lawyer father, it led to me butting heads with my mother, and it was rubbing off on Collin badly.

He was beginning to resist things that he didn't want anymore. I honestly didn't expect that and with the cancer pushing against his little walls, I didn't blame him for being rebellious. I had to figure out how to keep a toddler okay with being locked in a room for three to six weeks.

Hell.

* * *

Gabi's POV

 _Wednesday, March 18_ _th_ _, 2015_

I scanned the document at my desk as I was waiting for the client to walk into my office so I could pre-screen them. It was often done because it was easier for the correct cases go to the strongest lawyers at the firm. It had been two weeks since I returned to the working life and I definitely forgot how much I missed practicing law. I wasn't even apart of the courtroom process but it felt fantastic right to my core that I was back in the office.

Collin was loving going to his daycare everyday with his best friends and that made me happy. He woke up with a smile and didn't fight the process to get ready every morning. He jumped out of bed and did everything as he was told. He was even beginning to eat again, his hair was slowly growing back over his baldhead and that made my heart shudder with happiness. Troy and I had been on more dates in the past two weeks than we had in our five months of dating each other.

We had done fun activities with Collin on the weekend and were soaking up every single memory with him that we could get in before we were trapped in the hospital for too many weeks. The closer we got to transplant day, the more nervous I was growing. This was causing me to lose sleep because I was too worried about the date that we had set and had haunted me since we set it a week ago. April 1st.

I laughed when they had suggested it because it was April fools day. Jokes on you, your kid never had cancer but we have been putting you through shit anyways. I couldn't help but let a small laugh leave my mouth as my phone rang. I reached over for it and answered it, "Hello,"

"Gabs," Troy's smooth voice entered my ear and goosebumps through over my body, our sex life had shot through the roof since I had found my normal. I was finding Troy more and more attractive the less I saw him in the hospital setting. Those cool baby blue eyes that would hide underneath the dark lashes when he looked at me. His sculptured body made my mouth watering just thinking about it and it was even more impressive with his lack of any gym time.

"T," I said as I shot my eyes up to the door to make sure the client wasn't here yet. "I was just calling to let you know that I am going to work tonight." My face fell at his words and I didn't speak for a couple of seconds, my mouth tried to form words and I just nodded my head, "Brie," his words so casual, "Yes, okay," words finally sputtered out of my mouth, in my head I could mentally see Troy thinking about my words as they left. "Brie," he said again, my hands played in a circle at my desk.

"It is nothing. I thought your twenty-four hour shift wasn't until Friday night."

"I'm on call that night, I figured I would stay home though." I didn't say anything, "What is bothering you?" he asked me straight forward while I sighed rubbing my nose with my manicured fingers. Sammy and I had went out and got to know each other better so we both got manicures and went out to dinner. Troy grilled me for an hour afterwards to ask what happened and the only way I got him to shut up was having sex with him.

I seriously wasn't complaining about though.

"Nothing Troy, I just was excited to spend some time with you tonight. I miss you. I was hoping to lay on the couch with you, a glass of wine, and watch some dumb television show." I shrugged my shoulder while I scrolled my pen in a circle on the paper. The lines grew darker and darker as a knock came at my door; I glanced up to see Brittney. My client must have been here as Troy sighed from the other side of the phone. "I just thought about quitting for five seconds,"

A laugh bubbled up from my throat, "You go work. I have to go back to work."

"I'm sorry Brie," I gave a sad smile as my eyes titled to the outside world of Denver. "No, it is okay. Rain check for tomorrow?"

"Absolutely." His words eased my nerves in my stomach, nerves that struck out of nowhere. "Good, I'll see you tomorrow morning when you stroll through the door as I stroll out the door?"

"A quick kiss along the way?" he asked, I could hear the smile in his voice and I giggled, "Absolutely."

I waved Brittney in as I bid Troy a good-bye and hung up the phone. I stood up as Brittney opened the door and a small woman came through the door. She was already crying and made quick strides over to her, "Ma'am," I questioned and she blubbered out a name that I didn't understand. "Ma'am, my name is Gabi, please, sit down," I gestured to the chair as she planted herself down across from me. I went behind my desk and I looked at her for a moment. Her cheeks were stained with tears, dark black circles were underneath of her eyes and she looked _skinny_.

"My name is Kelly," she was wiping her eyes and she took in a deep breath, "I need somebody's help, I don't know who I can turn to and this has to be family law. I don't know how this can't be family law because it was my child, she is my child," she automatically corrected and it caused her chest to tremble again, I picked up my notepad and slowly began to take notes. "Kelly, what are you needing help with?" I asked her softly, she let her head bow for a minute and tears clouded her dark green eyes.

"I am fighting for my child's ashes," she whispered quietly, my body tensed at the words and I felt my pen collapse to the desk. I jerked my arm back and knocked over my glass of water from earlier, her eyes snapped up to me and I cursed quietly underneath my breath as I bounced out of my chair. "Brittney," I called as I opened my door, my breathing was erratic as I tried to comprehend the words that she spoke to me. It was seven words that came across my desk and I was shaking like a leaf.

"Yes?" I tried to find words and I turned to look at the mess, Brittney must have followed as she yelped and went to retrieve paper towels. My hands were shaking profusely as I tried to clean up the mess that was in front of me. Kelly just watched me clean up in a state of shock but I was in shock.

" _I am fighting for my child's ashes."_

The words haunted me as Brittney helped me finish cleaning up, "Are you okay?" she asked me quietly, I numbly nodded my head and she took the trash to walk out of the room. I finally took my seat again while I retook the notes I already started. I could barely write though as my hands were buzzing and shaking my hand writing. No words had been spoken between the two of us after she told me what she needed my help in.

I cleared my throat as I tried to find the appropriate words but I was stuck. "Kelly," I finally pushed out of my mouth, she looked at me with wide saucer eyes and I suddenly knew the reason behind the lack of rested eyes, the small, tiny, body. The tears that would drop on a dime and I quickly saw a flash of myself that scared me down to my core. My body tightened with fear while I carefully looked at her to not give away anymore of my own fear.

"What," my mouth was like sandpaper that was stuck against cotton. "What happened?" I finally asked, she took in a deep breath and she smoothed her fingers over her legs. "My daughter, Isabella, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer when she was one," my breath got stuck in my throat as my chest seemed to stop moving. I couldn't breathe anymore. "She fought for three years, she was in and out of remission." She wiped away the growing tears while she sucked in a deep breath. "My fiancée and I were three weeks away from our wedding date when she was diagnosed so we were never married. We dropped everything to fight for her."

The world was spinning around me as I listened to her continue her story. My breathing felt completely shallow, my world was shaking underneath of me and I knew if I stood up I would fall to the ground. I wasn't expecting this case. I wasn't expecting this. I shook my head as she continued to detail how the death happened and how it destroyed the relationship that her and her fiancée had built. I couldn't feel my body any longer as she looked at me for complete help but I couldn't process her requests any longer. I couldn't understand the thoughts that were coming through my head and I felt my body begin to crumble.

"My fiancée wants to split them so we can each have them but I can't. That is my entire baby girl. My little four-year-old girl is in that little jar and I just want her to stay as a whole. I want her to be mine forever. I need her to be mine forever. He can't take them. I am her mother," she was begging and my ears were screaming. My body was screaming because I was suffocating with the air in this office. "I'll be right back," I felt the words tumble out of my throat and I rushed out of the room. I was dizzy, shaking, and I burst into tears as I pushed past into another hallway.

I was sobbing so hard I was shaking as I felt the ground underneath of me. "Gabi," I felt a hand on my back and I could only cry out in pain. The story was spinning through my head and I needed it to leave and I needed the pain to disappear. "Gabi," his words were a bit more forceful and I met Ken's eyes. "Are you okay? Is Collin okay?" I leaned back and I began to wipe at my face but I couldn't stop shaking. Ken grabbed my hands and he held them together as the sobs wouldn't stop shaking my body.

"This lady came in," I couldn't get the words out, he just nodded his head while he was checking for any signs of danger around us. I finally was able to calm myself long enough to let out a long deep breath and I repeated the story back to him. His face stayed serious for several minutes and he then exhaled as my story came to a close. I began to apologize profusely but he put his hand on my shoulder gently, "Gabi, you have nothing to be sorry about. I'll go talk to her." I just nodded and I pressed myself back against the wall.

He went into my office and I saw him walk back with Kelly, I got up and scrambled to my office. I quickly picked up my cell phone as I called Troy. His phone went to voicemail so I called the nurses station. My hands were shaking as I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. "Oncology, Bridget," I ran my fingers through my hair as I tried to find something to say to her, "Can you have Troy call me?" my words came out in a hyperventilating way, tears threatening to spill again.

"Gabi?" she questioned, "Is Collin okay?" I could only nod my head, "Yes, I just, I need to talk to him and I called his cell phone, he didn't pick up and I just…" I began to ramble, "Gabi," Bridget called quietly, "I'll tell him you need to talk. Okay? Are you okay?" she stressed the last three words causing my stomach to turn. I tried to find the appropriate words but there was a lack of any. "Yea," I whispered quietly, I then hung up the phone collapsing into my chair.

* * *

Troy's POV

I viewed the chart over again closely when Bridget knocked on the door, "Your girlfriend called," I glanced up at her and I frowned, "She called the front desk?" I asked I reached for my cell phone to see a missed phone call and then I glanced up at her. "Is she and Co okay?" I asked glancing down towards my chart quietly. "Uhm, I asked her that and she told me yes but I wasn't too sure. She was upset." I felt my stomach churn at the thought of Gabi being upset over something.

Leaning back my eyes tilted towards the ceiling because she was upset when I told her I was working the twenty-four hour shift today. My thoughts circled back around towards the end of our conversation. She had a client come into her office and had to leave, she absolutely loved being at work again. She was happier, she laughed a lot more, smiled, and she trusted a lot of people. Sammy took her out for dinner; we had gone on dates while my parents watched Collin.

Things were turning up for our relationship; our sex lives have definitely turned up for the better and I was not complaining. "Are you going to call her?" she questioned, my eyes snapped to her eyes again and I thought about it, "I'll call her in a little bit," my eyes checked to see it was a little after four. "She is probably getting Collin now anyways, she is over it."

"Over what?"

"She was upset because I am working twenty-four," I told her as I submitted a document, "She is getting kind of clingy," Bridget told me leaning against the doorway, I shrugged my shoulders as I focused on the computer in front of me. "Why the simple shrug?" I laughed running my hands through my hair, "Why are you asking me so many questions?"

"Do you think that?" I scrubbed my chin with my fingers and shook my head no, "No, I do not think she is clingy. I think she is growing really anxious over the coming transplant with Collin. I think she is ready for it to be over so her child can be cancer free, and I think she really wanted me to come home tonight to spend time with her. She enjoys our nights together and I sure as hell do as well." I let my eyes fall close when Bridget sighed, "You two are love birds."

My name was paged out over the system and I knew it was time to get back to work. "Go work Bridget," I said standing up; I walked out of the room, then across the hallway. I stepped into the room as I watched the nurses fly around the room trying to comfort a young child without a parent in the room. He was crying loudly as I crossed the room. "Nate," I comforted as I put my hand on his shoulder because I knew he didn't feel well. He was tired from the constant chemo and the lack of parents in his life. He was seven and fighting for his life alone.

"I want my mom," he cried, I nodded while I sat down next to him to rub his back. "I know buddy, I know," he leaned into me and I felt awful. It was the main reason I wasn't going home tonight so I switched my shift from Friday to tonight. I did have plenty of work that needed to get done and I would do a lot of it from his room so that he didn't feel so alone tonight. I knew Nate didn't have a lot of time left in his life as his cancer was rapidly growing. We were trying to slow it down with radiation and chemo but nothing was working. He had been here for the past five weeks and I didn't know how much longer Nate would be here with us.

It was one of those patients that rocked me a little bit further than I was used too. I sat with him until his breathing relaxed and I could hear the tumors that were growing in his lungs. I turned his oxygen machine on a little bit higher power and he began to fully relax.

I relaxed against him as we both lay together, and I thought about Gabi. The plans she detailed made me wish I was at home but I also knew this was just as important. I could lay with her on my couch tomorrow night, when I would most likely need it a little bit more. Nate may not have twenty-four hours and his parents were too busy working and dealing with their other kids to be at the hospital. No matter how many calls I made to them they still didn't show up.

It made my heart hurt.

* * *

 _Thursday, March 19_ _th_ _, 2015_

I slowly spun my pen around in a circle as I stared at the empty pad of paper in front of me. I knew I should be doing other things but I didn't have the energy. I knew I should be getting ready to go home but I was becoming persistent with the fact that maybe his parents would show up. Gabi called me three times last night but I was too distant to actually answer her phone calls. She called the nurse's station a couple of times but they told her I was busy the entire time.

A silent knock came at the door and I looked up to see Jace standing in front of me, "Two things, Nate's mom is here and Gabi called the nurses station again. You are beginning to scare her I believe." I nodded my head looking up at him. "Can you send Nate's mom in?" I asked him, he nodded his head and disappeared, I stood up and I picked up my cell phone and saw two texts from Gabi.

 _Did I make you mad?_

… _Okay. I get you might be working but you normally at least check on Collin and me so I don't know what is wrong. I'm sorry, I guess, I had a miserable day and I guess I'm wrong or something…_

I wanted to send her a text message back but I didn't know what to say to her right now. She had a miserable day? Over what? Tired? Didn't feel good? I pushed my cell phone across the desk in frustration as Nate's mom walked in the door. Norah was dressed, perfectly round face and not a smudge of make-up was out of place. There was a lack of tears and a lack of tired eyes. Anger boiled underneath of my skin as she pulled something out of her purse.

"I spent all day researching new ideas for Nate," she started with a hopeful gleam in her eyes, "I found two different research things that we could get involved with, I even found more experimental drugs, Dan and I were talking last night about taking Nate to Europe for treatment," I rubbed my forehead as I continued to just let her talk because maybe she hadn't completely ditched her child. "Norah," I said quietly, she looked up at me and her eyes stared into mine. "How is Nate? I didn't get a chance to stop by his room. You called saying you needed to speak with me."

I only nodded my head up and down, "I called you several times yesterday." I told her, my eyes gazed hers and she nodded, "I was working. I actually have to work so I can pay you." She mumbled, "You have had him here for five weeks. I can't just take five weeks off work." I chewed on my cheek as I tried to keep my words restrained, "I know what you are thinking." She told me with a powerful look, "I understand your girlfriend is able to just spend every single second with her son up here but I actually have to work and provide for my children,"

My body visibly flinched at her bring Gabi into the conversation, "What did I tell you yesterday?" my voice was borderline mean and she finally looked up at me, "You called telling me that Nate was getting worse and that we needed to talk." I nodded my head slowly as I listened to her retell our conversations almost exactly, "I called you at seven thirty last night," my voice carried through the room and she again nodded her head, "I know, you told me I should come up last night but I didn't have everything I needed," she tried to continue but my voice snapped.

"Nate passed away at three-thirty this morning," my voice shook the walls and Norah looked right at me, her eyes wide open and her mouth gaped and snapped shut. She tried to fight her tears that were filling her eyes and then she gasped, "He what?" my fingers ran through my hair and I sat her down gently. "Nate's body couldn't handle it any longer. He has been battling this cancer for almost four years now and his breathing was shallow last night. That is why I kept calling you."

She gasped and tried to find the right thing to say to me, "If you want to go and see him, call your husband, you can go do that. Spend some more time with him before you let his body go."

"Did you fight for him?" she gasped for an answer, "Norah, you have known me for how long? Do you really believe I would let your son go, the one I have such a connection with go without fighting for him." She let out a heavy sob and I gave her a comforting hug.

"I'm so sorry, I should have listened," she started to cry harder and I did the worst part of my job. Comforting parents after they just lost one of the most important people in their lives.

* * *

Gabi's POV

I stroked Collin's head gently while we lay in bed with each other. On Thursdays I didn't go into the office until ten because the lawyers had meetings all morning. It was nice to lay in bed with Collin and just snuggle. He and I slept together last night but I couldn't shake that something was off between Troy and I. After yesterday, I just wanted to talk to him because I was a babbling mess. I had Sam pick up Collin for me because I couldn't stop crying yesterday.

Ken called to check up on me but I didn't know what to tell him. I was scared. I was upset and shaken. I just wanted to talk to Troy about it and he didn't call me at all. I heard the garage door lift and I knew he was home which caused nerves to tighten in my gut. I pushed off the bed as I wrapped my sweater around my arms. I walked down the hallway and Troy was in the kitchen already. His elbows were rested against the counter. He looked stressed out as I went over to touch his back.

"I tried calling you yesterday, today," I started, his back tensed at my words. "Y'know Gabi, I was a little busy." The words stung against my body as I withdrew my hand, "Oh," I answered, my body pulled away as I tried not to take his words personal. My fingers reached for a coffee cup and I filled it up, Troy massaged the back of his neck with his thumbs as he exhaled. "I had a bad day, I'm sorry." He told me as he glanced up at me.

"Yea, I had a bad day too. I tried calling my boyfriend about it." He snorted, "How did you have a bad day Gabi? Did somebody say something mean to you at work? Did Collin act like a child? Were you tired?" I frowned as he spouted off more pointless things and I couldn't understand the words coming from his mouth. He sounded bitter, "No, actually, I," my mouth stopped working as Troy sent a dark glare my direction. His eyes spoke volumes towards how he actually felt about my day. "You know what, never mind, you obviously have it in your head that I did not have a bad day and I am not allowed to have a bad day."

I picked up my mug of coffee, "What the hell Gabi? I didn't say any of that!" I just nodded my head while I walked down the hallway, "Why are you pissed at me?" he asked, I stopped down the middle of the hallway as tears brimmed my eyes, "You apparently had a bad day Troy, you clearly don't want to talk about it. Don't expect me to talk about it either." Troy narrowed his eyes towards me, "Why are you picking a fight with me?"

Shaking my head I turned around without saying another word. I heard Troy groan from the back of the house as I walked further into the house. Troy followed me to the bedroom, he leaned against the doorway as I started to get ready for work but I was angry. "How about you leave Collin home with me today," he suggested, I spun around to face him because he hadn't slept in hours. "Troy, you need to sleep."

"I need you to not tell me what the hell I need," my eyes stared at his face and I felt my nose flare in defense. "When we are talking about my child, I am going to tell you what the hell you need. He is going to daycare. If you want to pick him up _after_ you sleep for a couple of hours that is another story." His mouth twitched as he turned and left the room. My body moved around the room as tears were threatening to puddle on the floor underneath of me. I kept my composure together while I got ready.

Once I was finished, I went down the hall as I peered in to see Troy was sitting in a rocking chair next to Collin's bed. His eyes watched Collin's chest move up and down in a rhymatic matter like I loved doing when I just needed comfort in the fact that he was going to be okay. My eyes watched Troy for several seconds before his blue eyes flickered over to mine. "I'm going to go to bed," he said quietly standing up, he moved past me without touching me and I felt the coldness come off his body.

My heart slowed as I wanted to call his name back to me but he disappeared into the bedroom. I turned to face Collin and suddenly I was dreading this day.

* * *

"Ms. Montez," my head snapped up to Kelly as she was standing in my doorway, my body went ridged from her voice and my hands began to shake from the sound of her voice. "Ma'am," I said quietly as I shuffled papers underneath of a file. "I hope this isn't rude of me but…I was just so shocked about how yesterday went. I didn't expect such a reaction," my eyes glanced up to her body language, as she appeared confused.

She had a right to be confused because the way I displayed myself yesterday was not professional. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, "I just…" I paused trying to think of the correct words to say but only tears filled my eyes. Kelly began to speak again though, "You have no idea what it is like losing a child, and it is horrifying and painful. I have spent the last several months mourning the death of my child and now my fiancée wants to split her ashes," she paused for only a second before continuing, "To watch them turn blue in the face, their bones to get skinnier and skinner, and then to watch as their chest no longer moves,"

My chest rattled underneath and my fingers were pressed firmly to my thighs to show a lack of weakness. "I had to watch my little girl gasp for her last breath and I had to tell her it was okay to let go and you just get up and leave? How do you think I am going to take that? Your boss wouldn't tell me anything that happened and I felt it was quite rude."

Tears began to fall down my face as I looked at her so painfully; I wanted the words to stop escaping her mouth. "I am so sorry," I spoke, my words vibrated against the air as I tried to control the amount of tears falling off my cheeks. She finally looked up at me and her face fell, "I'm sorry," she spoke quickly, "I didn't mean to sound rude, I just,"

"No, I was in the wrong yesterday but your story took me by surprise." I told her, as my chest seemed to tighten from just saying those words. I tried to figure out how the next part of my sentence was going to come out but it felt stuck inside. "I have a three year old son," my lips trembled just thinking of my little guy, "He has stage four Neuroblastoma," I said quietly and I bowed my head to look at the ground. Kelly didn't say anything for a couple of moments, I then felt her hand pressed against my back.

"Oh I am so sorry," she said quietly, "I'm so sorry," I shook my head as I wiped the tears away, "I have to keep my work life private from my home life. I should have been able to keep it together." I wiped my tears away again but Kelly shook her head, "I promise you if somebody told me that story while my little girl was still here I would have lost it too. It is scary." I didn't say anything and she again apologized profusely.

"How is your son doing?" I breathed as I stared at the ceiling tiles for a second, "Okay. He is getting ready for his bone marrow transplant." She gave a sympathetic nod, "My daughter went through two of them, and they are brutal." I didn't say anything because I had nothing to say. Kelly then wrapped her arms tightly around me to give me the extra strength I needed for this day.

* * *

I dropped my stuff on the floor of the house as I kicked off my heels. I went in pursuit of my son after a very long day at work. After Kelly left I really didn't have anything left inside of me. I walked up the steps to see that Troy was standing at the kitchen counter doing some work on his laptop. He was in a pair of sweatpants along with a long sleeve t-shirt. "Where is Collin?" he flipped a page and then flickered a look to my eyes.

"He asked if he could go over to Mariah's to play for a little bit." He told me quietly, I let out a frustrated sigh and Troy looked up, I turned away from him because my eyes were full of tears already. My fingers grabbed my keys and I pulled them towards me. "I'm going to go get him," I said quietly, "You okay?" he asked me quietly, tears were at the brim of my eyes as my chest hurt so bad. I just needed my son.

"I'm fine," I choked out from my throat, "Why are you lying to me?" he asked, I didn't answer as I walked towards the door. "Gabi," he called after me again and I tried to not show him that I was at the edge of the earth right now. "I'm going to get my son." I called, "You're upset." He said simply, I turned my eyes towards him, as he was feet behind me. He moved so quietly behind me, "You didn't want to share how you felt this morning, I am not going to bore you with my bad day."

"I never said you didn't have a bad day Gabi," his voice rose slightly and I arched an eyebrow at him. "No, you just told me that my bad day consisted of being tired, having a child, and somebody saying something mean to me." Troy tilted his head back and nodded his head, "I just don't understand how your day could be worse than mine." His teeth were clinched tightly together and I stared at him for a moment. "I'm glad I know how your day was horrible Troy, it is difficult to read your damn mind."

I swung the door open easily and moved my way out into the garage. The door shut quietly behind me and I felt my stomach shrink. I collapsed in the seat of my car and buckled in tightly. I backed out of the driveway and quickly drove to Mariah's. I knew it was hard to deny Collin more playtime with the looming date coming so I didn't fault Troy for letting him go but I just needed my son right now. I didn't care if I saw him here and then left him.

I just needed those tiny arms to wrap around me and tell me that everything is okay. That he is okay. I pulled into her driveway and parked my car easily. I could hear their laughter from the backyard and I followed it around. I spotted Mariah running around with the boys in the backyard and it brought a smile to my face. I opened the gate slowly and Mariah turned to see who was entering her property. "Gabi!" she lifted her hand to wave and I gave her a tiny smile as I looked at Collin.

"Mommy!" he came running over and I bent down to catch him in a hug. My arms wrapped around him tightly as tears filled my eyes. I picked him up and I kept squeezing him closer, "I love you Co," he sighed against my neck, "I love you," I told him again and he giggled, "I love you too mommy," I kissed his temple as I tried to keep the tears from falling. Collin didn't need to see that, "Go play," I said quietly as I put him back down on the ground.

He giggled again, the sweetest little sound a mother could hear. Mariah came to stand next to me and she gave me a side way glance, "You okay?" I shrugged my shoulders and I let out an even breath, "It has just been a long couple of days." I told her with an honest glance. "Troy and I are fighting a little bit and I just have had a few bad days." I let out another shrug and I tried to keep myself together. "Wait, why are you and Troy fighting?"

"I don't even know. He came home in a bad mood this morning and I called him several times yesterday after I had a horrible day. He never called me back or even sent me a text message. It was very unlike Troy and I asked him about it this morning after he showed up and he got mad at me. He told me that my day wasn't as horrible as his but he never told me what happened. We just got bitchy with each other and those moods were the same when I got home."

"Do you want me to take Collin for the night?" I shook my head as I watched him run, "No, I need him tonight. It was a bad day and I would have come gotten him later but I needed that hug more than anything." She smiled, "I know how that goes."

* * *

I leaned in the bedroom for a second to see that Troy was already asleep in the bed. I debated in my head if I should go sleep in another room or if I should sleep in here tonight. We were snippy with each other all day today and neither of us was going to break without a fight.

Pushing off the doorframe I walked into the bedroom and slid underneath of the covers next to him. My foot reached out and I brushed mine against his for a second, he twisted in bed and his arms reached around me. I exhaled as he brushed his fingers against my side. "I'm sorry," he whispered, I didn't jump at the fact that he was truly awake.

I didn't say anything back to him when his blue eyes flashed to my face, "Do we want to talk about this or are we going to go to bed angry with each other?" I tried to find the correct words to say, "How about you tell me why you were so mad this morning."

"I wasn't mad," he corrected, "I was upset." He went quiet for a minute and his finger ran down the side of my body. "I had a patient die," he said quietly, "and his mom wasn't there for him when it happened. It was the only reason I changed my twenty-four hour shift because I knew he was getting close and his parents weren't there." I sat up and turned the light on in the bedroom.

My eyes looked into Troy's and I glanced at him for a moment to see the distress behind his face, "He has been a patient of mine for almost three years. I was just upset about him dying," he thought about it for another second and he continued to talk, "And I know that I shouldn't have been nearly as effected as I was but that one hurt a little bit more. He was a great kid and loved doing anything that he was allowed to do. He pushed the boundaries of cancer and took life by the throat. It was amazing and to see him that weak and vulnerable was awful. To see him cry from the deep amounts of pain he was enduring killed me because that is how Baker was…Baker hurt so bad at the end that I was almost thankful she passed because it hurt to see her in that much pain." His face looked haunted in thought but he snapped out of it staring at me.

Tears filled my eyes, "I'm sorry Troy," he shook his head, "It is apart of my job but I need to know why you are so upset," he reached over for me but I turned my head away from him. "Gabs," his hand touched my back and I tried to form words to say to him but the whole thing still scared me.

"A mom came in to my office," I started and I realized this didn't compare to Troy's, "Troy, you're right, your morning was pretty bad. I'm so sorry, mine is so stupid compared to yours, I don't need to tell you I am fine. I'm sorry about it," I began to babble as the tears were running down my cheeks thinking about his words, "What you experienced was awful and I am sorry," I moved to get up but he pulled me back with his strong arms. He held me tightly as I tried to escape his grasp but the tears were blurring my eyes, "I don't care if mine sounds worse, if it makes you upset then I want to know about it." His strong voice caused my body to give up. I fell limp against him and he pulled me closer.

My head collapsed into my hands as I proceeded to explain to him about my afternoon with Kelly. The words poured out of my mouth as I adjusted to face Troy. His eyes filled with sympathy towards me and he nodded his head soothingly, "She just bluntly told me that she was fighting for her child's ashes and that ripped me apart." My eyes stared off; tears were trying to fight to the surface. "And I could only see me fighting for my sons ashes, I don't know who would be fighting me but the pure thought of Collin's ashes caused me to stop breathing and the bone marrow transplant isn't helping, I am completely stressed out about the whole thing."

"I'm so sorry Brie," he pulled me into his arms and I slid my legs around his lap, we were both quiet for several minutes and he ran his large palm down my back. "Just because I had a patient die doesn't mean that your day was any worse than mine. Yes, I was an asshole about it and I do apologize for that. What that lady came to you for was heartbreaking and in the position that you are in that had to be horrifying." His words were relaxed while pulling me closer, "She came back a day later and told me that it was rude of me to leave and that I had no idea what she went through," the tears built this time and Troy only pulled me a little bit closer. "Did you tell her?" I laughed, "I could not tell her at that point. I was crying again." Troy pressed his nose into my shoulder and he was quiet, "Is this our first fight?" he questioned, "That wasn't about my past?"

"I guess…" I said with a laugh, I twisted in his lap and wrapped my legs around his waist. My hand rested on his cheek and he gave me a soft smile, "I don't like it," I shook my head as I leaned in for a kiss. We kissed for a moment until he pulled back to only say, "No, I hate it." He corrected as he deepened the kiss. His mouth guided underneath mine and I tried to keep the moan building in my throat down but it released which caused Troy to tighten his arms around me.

"I need you in my life," I whispered to him, he pulled back to look in my eyes as I felt tears push to the edge. "I love you Brie," I pulled him in for another kiss to remind him how much I loved him. Troy and I fighting was a rare occurrence for us and I didn't like it. I only wanted him to be happy in my life, I only ever wanted to see him smile and laugh with me. He was the person that was holding me to this earth. He was keeping me sane and loved.

Troy Bolton was the person I was willing to fight for along with my son.

* * *

 **Hello! I hope you guys enjoyed it!**

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 **Jo**

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	28. Not Prepared

Chapter 28 – Not Prepared

"Even if you know what's coming, you're never prepared for how it feels."

I learned this the hard way with my father's death. I knew it was coming, the doctors prepared us endlessly that he was going to pass and to prepare yourself. _Prepare yourself._ The phrase was a common one said but the term could not be understood because there is no way to prepare yourself for the unexpected. I was not shocked when my father died. I knew it was coming; I was prepared for that one aspect of the whole situation.

Everything after? I had no idea. I was _not_ prepared even though I read everything, I did everything, and I was ready. I was ready when he flat lined on the bed in front of me. I was ready for the moment they told me that he had passed. I was ready.

Then came the overflowing emotion the next day. They didn't prepare you for the amount of loss that is suddenly around you in an instant. The amount of sobbing that you'd do when the realization came that he was never coming back. You'd never get another hug. He'd never walk me down the aisle while I wore a white dress. He'd never get to hold his grandson whom he adored already. They could have prepared me, and told me over and over again what it would have felt like but you don't know until it happens.

You can't pretend that kind of pain. You can't pretend to understand the emotions of what is going to happen until it happens. Somebody telling you how it feels can't prepare the feeling of being completely head over heels in love. The feeling of finding out your child has cancer can't be prepared for your heart. There is a striking blow of defeat when you realize that they are going to go through hell and you can't do shit about it. They can try their damn hardest to prepare you but it will not happen.

It never will.

* * *

Monday, March 30th, 2015

I slowly stirred the pot in front of me, my mind completely drifted off onto its own planet as I could only think about the coming days in front of me.

" _Prepare for 3-8 weeks in the hospital."_

" _He'll be in isolation"_

" _He is going to get sick."_

" _Try to prepare him as best you can."_

It was endless of what we covered in our doctor's appointment with a social worker that was trying to help Collin understand what he was going to have to go through. Spending a week at the hospital was awful for him but three to eight weeks? It made my stomach drop to my knees in the thought. Collin still didn't understand what they were trying to tell him exactly. He kept giving me those questioning looks that made my stomach feel like a rock because he didn't know.

He had no idea what was coming his way and it was killing me. It killed me even more because he was finally happy again and acting like a typical three-year old. He was eating actual food again, which, I have been told will probably stop again between the amount of chemo he will receive and stem cell transplants kill taste buds.

Fucking fantastic.

His hair was growing back, his smile was big, and he was enjoying his time at the daycare with his best friends. It made my stomach nauseated just thinking about him losing every single thing he loved right now.

"Earth to Brie," my head snapped up and my hand fell into the boiling water, my eyes stared at it for the longest time as if my hand was completely disconnected from my body, my hand seized with pain a moment later and then I felt Troy pull my arm back in rapid motion. "Gabi," his voice sounded like a father to a young child, I did something bad.

I finally looked up at him as he was just getting home from work and I was trying to surprise him with his favorite meal for our five-month anniversary. I took a look at his dark blue dress pants and a white Denver Children's polo. His hair was swept up in the front and those blue eyes looked at me with complete concern. Tears pooled in my eyes as my hand started to throb and my heart hurt from failing at something else in my life.

Troy had my hand under ice-cold water and I just let him as he carefully removed my mother's ring and a bracelet from around my wrist. His hands were soft with mine; he then planted his lips against my forehead. "I'm sorry I scared you," his voice was so relaxed and I didn't say anything to him. My head leaned back against his shoulder as he kept my hand under the cool water.

Troy slid his hand around to my belly and he blew on my ear, "You okay?" he asked me quietly, I shrugged my shoulders and I could feel his body tense from behind me. "Gabi," he said softly, "What is going on in that mind," the tears brimmed my eyelids again as if I dared myself to cry. "I'm not ready for Wednesday," I whispered, the first words that I said aloud to him.

"Oh baby," he whispered as he shut the water off, he wrapped my hand in a towel as he easily lifted me onto the counter. He slid me back like I was Collin, his actions telling me he was scared that I was a flight risk.

"I'll be right back," he made me look at him in his eyes, those blue eyes checking every corner of my brown to make sure that I wasn't going to disappear into thin air. He took off and I wondered where he actually went until he was back and wrapping my hand up. "You have every single right to be scared Gabs," I lifted my head to look at him and his face was pained at what he was looking at. "You don't have to hide it." I nodded numbly and once Troy was messing with my hand, he put both of his hands on my knees. "Do you want to tell me more about why you are scared?" my eyes lifted to his and we both stared at each other for several minutes until I shook my head no.

My head lowered to his shoulder and his strong arms wrapped around me, "I just want this," Troy exhaled, "I can do this." He responded as he kissed my temple softly, my nose pressed into his neck and I smelled the sterilness of the hospital mixed with his cologne. I finally let go and Troy leaned in for a kiss, I tilted my head back as our lips pressed together. His hand grabbed my knee gently and I leaned in to him to encourage the kiss. "Talk to me," he whispered pulling away, I looked at him desperate for the kiss to continue.

"No, I just want to be with you." Troy shook his head, "You like to have sex when you are really upset by something Brie, what is wrong, and I know you are scared but what else?"

His strong hands held me firmly to the counter and his blue eyes were an even bigger weight to my body, pressing me to the counter as he willed the information from my head. "What if this doesn't work?" I whispered, "and we put him through this horrible process for nothing?"

Troy didn't say anything, presumably because he knew I wasn't done yet. "He is the healthiest I have seen him since he was diagnosed, he is eating all of his food again, he plays all day with only one nap instead of four long naps. His hair is growing back on his little head and he giggles, laughs, and enjoys doing stuff."

Troy brought his hand up to my face to wipe the tears that were falling, "and I don't want any of that to change. I just want my Co to stay the same, what is going to happen when I trap him in a hospital room for weeks? He hates going for one week let alone six?"

My palms reached up to my eyes as I wiped the tears away that were stinging against my skin, "Brie, if I didn't think he needed this transplant, I wouldn't put him through this but he needs it. We are giving him the best chance to not have the cancer come back because if it does," Troy didn't say anything for a moment and I looked at him, "What happens if it does?" I questioned, my voice louder than it had been all afternoon.

Troy exhaled, his nostrils flaring in the process; "There is no cure if he relapses, it will be twice as aggressive and not good," my chest squeezed, "So we are maximizing his chances with the bone marrow transplant to improve his odds of never getting Neuroblastoma again."

I only nodded my head, "But I understand Gabs, I had these same thoughts with Baker. She was finally getting back to her normal self and we were going to make her ten times worse? It didn't even sound fair but you know how that story ends…I wish she would have gone through that."

I didn't say anything after that but Troy continued to rub my shoulders gently with his thumb. "I know when I had my transplant I was angry but I was a lot older than Collin though. My friends were outside playing and going to school everyday. Collin doesn't know anything but the cancer ward. He'll be angry when he can't leave and his friends can't come see him but it won't be that bad."

My head rested against him, my lips were dry and my tongue felt like sand paper against the roof of my mouth. "I try to come up with every positive thing about transplant and you're right. This is going to push him over the edge and towards the cancer-free world." I paused in thought and Troy squeezed my shoulder in reassurance. "I try to think that you and I will never actually be apart," Troy chuckled into my hair and I leaned back against him, "That doesn't hide any of my fears though. It doesn't help lessen them."

Troy sighed and he kissed my temple, "I wish I could ease those fears with words, I wish I could ease them with actions, but I can't. Those worries will stay there for a very long time because guess what Gabs you are his mom. You are worried about him. You have a right for an alarm to be ringing."

I smiled turning to face him, "When you put it like that, you make me sound sane." He gave a half smile as he reached up and brushed my hair away from my face, I reached up to touch my bun that had fallen out and Troy kissed my forehead. His lips lingering on my forehead, "You're an amazing woman, mother, and so strong." I felt tears fill my eyes and he stroked my face, then his lips were mashed with mine. Troy ran his hands up my thigh and I shuddered underneath if his touch, I pulled back and my eyes focused on the clock behind him. "I have to pick Collin up in an hour," Troy nodded pressing his lips back to mine and I didn't want to stop. I never wanted to stop kissing him. It was so intoxicating and he made everything inside of me fall apart. His hands drifted up my shirt and his cool hands lay against my warm skin.

"So fucking beautiful." He whispered as he picked me up and carried me down to the bedroom.

* * *

My head rested on his chest while we watched the ceiling fan turn in multiple circles in the air. His hand ran down my back and I laughed, "What's funny?" he asked me, this was my favorite time after sex.

The quiet time, "I was thinking about how I was trying to make you one of your favorite meals for our five months together and our last dinner before the transplant." I lifted my body up onto my elbows to face him. Troy gave me a lazy smile, "I appreciate it but I think I enjoyed this more," he said as he reached over to tickle my side. I laughed curling into a ball and Troy smiled, "I love your laugh more than anything in this world." He told me with a quiet smile.

I played with the sheet that was wrapped around me, "Once a week we are getting out of the hospital room together." Troy declared, "Just for a couple of hours and if all we do during those couple of hours is sleep then that is what we do." Troy was firm in his saying and I nodded, "Okay,"

"Plus, you will go insane if you stay up there too much. If you want, you can stay with him most nights but I would appreciate if you let me stay with him every so often so you can sleep in an actual bed." I nodded my head again and I pulled him into another kiss. His arms wrapped around me tightly and he groaned, "Please tell me that we will find time for this," he whispered to me and I only nodded my head because going too long without this would cause me to go crazy.

"What are we doing with Co man?" he asked, I sighed sitting up, "He wants to go get dinner and some ice cream."

"Fun night," he said rubbing my lower back, "Yea, Joe wants to come as well." Troy's hand stiffened on my back and he then removed it. "C'mon Troy," I said with a sigh, "You know how it is."

"I can't deny him the rights to see his child but I feel like he is confusing Collin."

"He is not." I said patting his chest gently; Troy scooped me up in his arms. "I'm in love with you," I laughed and kissed his temple, "I love you too." He kissed me softly and I ran my fingers through his hair. I broke our eye contact and rolled off the bed. I bent over for my shorts and t-shirt.

Troy moved across the bed and pulled me back against him and I laughed while he dragged me back into the bed. "No, you are staying in this bed." I laughed shaking my head again while he kissed me again.

"Troy, I have to go get Collin." He shook his head and I nodded my own head, Troy pulled my lips between his and I began to lose my power to tell him that I needed to go get Collin. The kiss was drawn out and passionate but also held the need for more before I got out of this bed and everything changed. My core tightened and he kissed me a little bit harder.

His lips left a trail down my neck; his hand reached down and went between the band of my shorts. I gasped but Troy consumed the gasp as his lips pressed back against mine. His finger slipped inside of me and he moaned, his lips pulled away but I wrapped my arms around his neck to stop him from going anywhere.

"Gabs," he growled and I felt his finger pull back and then my shorts were only pulled to my knees.

He pulled up breaking my arms and quickly slid into me, "You took birth control," he whispered as he leaned in close, I nodded my head as he groaned as I grabbed him for another kiss. I fucking loved this man.

* * *

 _Tuesday, March 31_ _st_ _, 2015_

Collin played with his toy cars at the kitchen table while Joe sat with him; Collin gave him a tentative smile while he raced his car against the table. This morning, I woke up with Collin squished between Troy and I.

My eyes could only focus on his hair that was growing back in little patches, or his eyelashes that were thick again. Then I would watch his chest rise and fall with each little breath that he took. Troy woke up to find me in tears in the middle of the night because my emotions were not ready for the toll that this was going to take on the both of us.

Troy could see my broken heart as he moved to the other side and pulled me close to him. Troy was now off at work for the morning before we were admitted into the hospital later tonight. Troy was only working until a little after noon when he would return and help me finish getting everything together. Joe turned up towards me with a smile, "How are you?" he asked me while I moved into the kitchen. "I'm nervous," I told him, Joe looked down at his hands and he nodded, "Yea, I guess I understand that. I mean," he sighed with frustration, "Can I just ask you a question?" I turned towards Joe and I nodded my head. "How was he as a baby?" he questioned looking up at me with a sincere look. "Perfect." I told him honestly, "He only woke up once a night even from the beginning to eat, he nursed so smoothly, and he was a joy."

Joe gave a soft smile, "I'm sad I missed that time with him. That was my favorite time with my girls and I wish I got to live that with him."

My eyes glanced at my fingernails and I nodded biting on my lip, "I'm sorry Joe," I heard him push his chair back and then his arms wrapped around me. I stiffened underneath his touch. "I forgive you Gabi, the more I think about it, and the more I seem to understand where your head was at the moment."

I pulled away and my eyes went to Collin while I watched him play at the table quietly. "I just wish I could wrap him up tightly and let nothing happen to him." Collin looked up at me and he gave me one of his big goofy smiles, "I love you buddy," I called, Collin giggled and continued to color on his sheet.

"That boy is my life and I don't know what is going to happen if something happens to him." I said as my heart felt a little heavier, Joe didn't say anything because he didn't have any answers. He wanted to get to know his child and I just wanted to keep him forever.

* * *

Troy's POV

"Stop breathing down my neck," Kyle muttered as I watched him write the protocol down and Collin's stem cell transplant specialist nodded as they worked together. Kyle cleared his throat again and I groaned backing away from the chair as he rammed it into my hips.

"Troy, I need you to sign this," Bridget came over and I nodded as I reviewed what I was signing, I then sprawled my signature across the page. I handed it back to Bridget and she gave me a smile, "How are you doing?" I rolled my eyes looking back down at Kyle.

"I'd be a lot better if I could see what they were doing."

"Give it time, they are making it right before you yell at them." I shot a glare at her and she laughed as she turned around. I turned to focus on the two of them again but Kyle slid back against.

"Dick," I muttered underneath my breath, he let out a laugh, "Troy," I looked up at Bridget but she looked nervous, something was off, "Bridget, what is it?" I asked standing up and taking a step towards her.

"A lady is here asking for you, she is the one that came a couple of months back asking for you and Kyle took care of it," I tried to rake my brain for what she was talking about, and then it clicked.

"Renee," Kyle and I said at the same time, my gut tightened and I looked over at Kyle as we shared a look with each other. "I'll be back. Don't mess that up." I said as I moved to the other side of the nurse's station. Bridget leaned in, "Who is Renee?" I didn't say anything as Renee came into sights. A bright smile came over her face, "Troy! You're working today!" I went around and she pulled me into a tight hug. "How are you Renee?" I asked as I gave her an extra squeeze, "I am doing pretty good, you never called me again so I figured I would come check on you," she patted my chest and I smiled at her. She was wearing a black t-shirt and a colorful scarf wrapped around her neck. A pair of nice jeans paired with a pair of Nike tennis shoes. "I am doing okay, do you want to come back to my office?" I asked her, she nodded her head as I led her towards my office door.

We both walked through and I shut the door behind us, away from the curious glances of Bridget. "Is this them?" I turned around and she was holding a picture of Gabi, Collin, and I that was settled on my desk.

Her eyes were surveying every single aspect of the picture; I could see her chest body go stiff from the thoughts that went through, "Yea," I said with a sigh, "That is Gabi and Collin." She gave me a forced smile, "They are both beautiful." I nodded with a small smile myself, "They are amazing." She looked up at me, this time she was checking to truly see how I was doing.

"How is your mom?" I asked, Renee laughed, "She is a fighter I say!" I nodded as I slid back against my desk and she looked at the picture again that was still gripped in her hands.

"How is he?" I bit down on my lip and shrugged, "He is doing well, he has no evidence of disease currently," I said and Renee gave me a huge smile that was authentic to Renee. "That is amazing Troy," I laughed rubbing the back of my neck, "He comes in tonight to prepare for his stem cell transplant," she didn't look up at me because I had the same reaction.

"Yea, I know, we did his scans a last week and they were still clean," I told her and she looked up with her eyes brimmed with tears. "Since I have been back in Colorado, the memories of Callie have been stronger and has been causing more emotions from me," she laughed wiping underneath her eyes, "My mom still has a picture of Baker up in her house and it caught me off guard,"

"Gabi just found a whole box of Bakers pictures and seeing her smile again, it was a kick to the gut." Renee glanced up at me, "How did she take the noise to your past?" I laughed, "Not well actually, but I told her on an awful day."

"How so?"

"It was Collin's surgery day," Renee laughed, "Troy Bolton, I know your mother raised you better than that." I smirked with a nod, "She did. I should have told her a hell of a lot sooner but I just never wanted too." I moved around to the back of my desk and I pulled out the two scans that I kept in my desk at all times.

I slid them onto my light board and I flickered on the light. Renee stood next to me as she surveyed them closely, "Are these the same?" she asked, I laughed and pointed to the only difference between the two.

"Collin had a tumor on his shoulder begin to grow," I said pointing to it, "It was vague at this point, it grew a bit bigger after his scan but…" Renee turned towards me, "Wait, what do you mean?"

"This is Baker's first scan and this is Collin's first scan." Renee went up to touch the scan of Baker, "Wow," she mumbled, "They are identical,"

"I almost vomited when I looked at Collin's scan. I literally thought somebody has snuck into my office and stole Baker's scan as a cruel joke to play on me but only two people know about Baker."

"That is freaky," I nodded my head and I looked at her with a sigh, "I tried to get anybody to take this case but it was my turn in the rotation to get the new case and then I met his mom and I felt like Callie was telling me something,"

"She probably was, she would hate to know that you are alone." I nodded as I took down the scans, I shut the light off and I looked over at Renee. "Gabi is freaking out about the transplant and I wish I knew how to comfort her."

"You'll do just fine," Renee reassured, my eyes flickered up to the clock and I felt like I could vomit. "Do you love her like you loved Callie?" I opened my mouth to respond but I closed it because I didn't want to upset her.

"No, Troy, tell me, my daughter killed herself, you have the right to move on and love again," my eyes flickered up to her at the complete blunt statement she laid on the table in front of me. "I love her more than I ever loved Callie," I blurted and her eyes looked into mine with a tiny smile, "That makes me happy to know that this girl is doing everything to make you happy."

I pressed my palms into eyes as I sucked in a breath, "That is why this is so hard because seeing her in pain makes my heart rip out of my chest. I can't breathe." I paused thinking of her face, "I mean the past couple of days I could see it in her eyes when she watches Collin play, and then yesterday I came home from work and she was cooking. I scared her and she burned her hand."

"It kills me to know that she is hurting because she can't help him and I can't help her." Renee reached over and squeezed my shoulder with her hand. "I know what you are feeling Troy," I closed my eyes, "I went through the same thing with Callie. She didn't say anything to you because you were busy with school and Baker, but she was freaking out."

I paused thinking back to the time, it was busy and Callie didn't act like this. "She was even more heartbroken after that but you got to take the brunt of that." I nodded rubbing my jaw and I sighed, "I would ask to meet her but she is under a lot of stress."

"I'll have to prepare her for that. She is a planner and needs time to let that sink in." Renee laughed, "Callie was never a planner," I smiled and shook my head, "No, but Gabs is a lawyer and has a game plan for everything."

Renee gave me a smile, "I respect that." My hand reached to rub the back of my neck and I watched Renee for several seconds as she contemplated what she was going to say next. "How is Collin's outlook?"

I shrugged, "If the Stem Cell Transplant goes well, I think he will live a long life." I told her with a smile, "But we'll take it a day at a time."

Renee sighed, "I'll be thinking about you and next time call me," I smiled lifting a post-it note off my laptop. I turned it to face her and she laughed as I had her note from earlier still posted.

"I kept looking at it everyday and kept meaning to call you." I paused while I smiled again, "I just come to work and get things done so I can go home to be with them." Renee let a small smile lift to her face, the back corner of her eyes turning sad as she looked up at me, "I can truly see how much you love them Troy, and I am so happy for you."

I went over and gave her a tight hug, "Thank you Renee,"

She patted my back and I kissed her temple, "Now hurry up so you can go spend time with those beautiful people," I laughed as I escorted her out of the office. Renee always made my chest feel lighter and she gave me a good smile. She made me remember that we have come so far in this battle against life. I couldn't wait for Gabi to meet her one-day.

* * *

Gabi's POV

"Mommy, where are we going?" Collin surveyed the bags packed on the kitchen table, my stomach twisted from the question and I bent down to his level. "Sweetie, we are going to be staying in the hospital for a while."

Collin scrunched his face up, "Why?" I bit on my lip as I sat down on the floor, I pulled Collin down with me and he gave me a nervous glance. "Well, you are going to have a thing called a stem cell transplant." I told him softly, fear swept across his face and I shook my head.

"It isn't going to require surgery, it is just like getting your water through the IV bags. It won't hurt." I soothed but he looked at me alarmed, "You do have to go through more yucky medicine that will make you feel very yucky."

His bottom lip trembled, "No, I don't want anymore yucky medicine," he started to cry while I tried to pull him into my lap. He cried harder though and fought against me. "Collin," I soothed, I heard the door downstairs close, and then quick steps followed. I let Collin go and he went running towards the stairs where he ran into Troy. Troy picked him up while Collin let his headrest in the corner of his neck. "What's wrong buddy?" Troy watched me carefully as I stood up, I turned my back to them as my jaw tightened and the tears started to develop in my eyes. I felt my shoulders shake, "No more yucky medicine,"

"Oh, Co," Troy started and I turned to exit the room, I couldn't be here right now. I couldn't cry in front of Collin. He was already scared enough. "Gabs," Troy said as I began to walk by, I shook my head but he grabbed my arm instead. I looked up at him and I knew this broke Troy's heart more than anything was to see me upset. Collin grabbed his polo though and kept repeating no more yucky medicine over and over again.

Troy pulled me closer to him though, his hand pulling my head to his chest. "I don't like all my favorite people sad," Troy said quietly between the two of us. Collin hiccupped with tears as I kept my head turned away from him.

"Co, you are making momma sad because you're sad." Collin's hand settled on my back and Troy kissed the top of my head. "Let's talk about this friends," Troy let go of me and I backed away, Collin glanced at me and then reached over for me. He wrapped his arms around me, I breathed in his scent of baby lotion as I kissed on him.

"I love you momma,"

"I love you too sweet boy," more tears leaked from my eyes and Troy gave me a concerned look while we all sat down together on the couch. "Co, you are going to have more yucky medicine but this is the last time." Troy told him with a smile, "then you'll be all done."

Collin gave him a skeptical look that he was telling any sort of the truth. Troy nodded his head, "But this is a special kind of yucky medicine that makes you have to stay in the hospital for a long time,"

He shook his head and I felt my chest grow tight again, I stood up from the couch and Troy let me walk away this time. Going up to our bedroom I let my sobs fall from my chest as my fingers gripped the dresser. I heard the door close and I looked up at Troy. "Come here," he said as he walked closer to me, "I'm fine," I stressed tying to wipe all the tears away. Troy didn't say anything; he only wrapped his arms around me while I buried my face into his chest.

"Sure you are," he whispered, "I just don't like seeing him all worked up over everything," Troy stroked the back of my hair and sighed, "I understand. It is for the better though, you have to remember that."

"You tell him that," Troy let go and he leaned in for a kiss, I pressed my mouth against his and he let his thumb run down my face. I am not able to express my love for him as I pressed my lips to his, his thumb continuously wiping away all of the tears falling down my face. "Mommy," my lips backed away from Troy's as Collin's arms slipped around my legs.

"I love you mommy," I picked him up easily and he buried his face into my shoulder, "I love you too Co, I'm sorry," I whispered to him, my fingers brushing across the back of his fuzzy head.

Troy pulled us both to the bed, "Co," Troy started, "Your mommy doesn't want you to have anymore yucky medicine either. It is going to make you 100% better though and you'll never have to have yucky medicine again."

"Ever?" he asked, Troy hesitated because he knew that making that big of a promise with something as evil as cancer could always go wrong. "Not for a long time," Troy reassured and Collin mostly accepted the answer with a sideways glance towards me. I gave him a nod of my head that Troy was indeed correct and he gave a tiny smile, "We're going to do everything to make you feel okay but you might feel crummy,"

"Can mommy stay with me?" Collin asked looking at Troy, Troy laughed and nodded, "Yes, mommy will stay with you." Collin blinked and asked his next question, "Will you stay with me?" Troy smiled, "As much as I possibly can. I still have to work but I'll be there as much as I can."

"Will you play games with me?"

"Always," Troy said with a smile, "We can even set up a game station of your choosing in your room. Unlimited video games and unlimited board games of your choosing." Collin giggled and Troy hugged him, "That sound okay to you momma?" Troy asked glancing up towards me, I nodded as tears rimmed my eyes again. "Co, give your momma another hug." Troy whispered to him, Collin smiled turning around and launching his arms around me. I gave him a tight squeeze when Troy launched his fingers onto my side. I started laughing loudly as Collin joined in with Troy.

I twisted away from them and they both attacked me, as my laughter grew louder. I tried to crawl off the bed but I rolled off the bed instead. Troy and Collin high-fived from the top while I tried to catch my breath on the bottom. Troy looked down at me and he winked, "We're all gonna be okay," I stared at his blue eyes as I swallowed against the lump in my throat. My heart rate began to slow down and I nodded my head, "We're gonna be okay," I repeated.

* * *

My eyes stared at the room in front of me. Room 605. The room was much different from the other rooms as it had sliding doors, a sink right when you walk into the room and masks above it for any visitors. Troy was helping Collin set up a game system that he chose to bring with him into his room that would remain his for the entire treatment. We were on the same floor, but a different area of Troy's floor. We were secluded together and away from all the sick patients.

We were sealed behind doors and when we walked in the nurses checked us over to allow us through. It made me feel a lot better and I knew Collin was going to be in good hands. "How are you holding up?" Dr. Andy approached; he was Collin's transplant coordinator. He was prescribing and overseeing the whole process with Troy breathing down his neck. "I'm ready to get started," I responded honestly. "Good, tomorrow we start his radiation treatment."

"Yes, the full body radiation treatment."

"Just a precaution that we are killing all of the bad cells in his body." I swallowed and nodded not prepared for the coming weeks in front of me. My heart beat rapidly inside my chest as Collin laughed with Troy, the dusk falling outside the hospital window when Dr. Andy sighed, "He loves him." I didn't know which one he was referring too because I could see the amount of love that Troy had for Collin but I could see the amount of love that Collin had for Troy.

"I'd be lying if I told you that this just started but they have had this connection since the beginning."

Dr. Andy smiled, "You know, Troy is very good with the kids and can relate to them well. He loves to play and be there for him but nothing like Collin." I nodded as two of Collin's favorite nurses swept into the room. Collin screeched with laughter as he bounced up to hug Jace and Annie. Troy smiled looking over at him greeting his nurses from the other side. We would be exposed to all new nurses but Troy reassured us that they were all wonderful.

Troy was in a pair of black sweatpants and a t-shirt that had Denver Children's written on the back. His arms flexed as Collin reached over for him, I knew he was getting sleepy but all rules were thrown out the window. If he wanted to stay up till eleven, so be it, he was going to go through hell the next several days. I didn't have the heart to tell him no. Dr. Andy approached the room while I slowly followed. Troy's eyes lifted over and the thick black lashes fluttered. He then looked over Dr. Andy's shoulder and right at me.

Dr. Andy greeted the two nurses while Troy smiled, he reached his hand out and he pulled me in to kiss the top of my head. "How ya doin?" he asked me quietly, I smiled, "I'm okay, I am just nervous for tomorrow. I don't know what to be prepared for."

'They have told you," Troy said softly, a teasing tone to his voice, "Yea, just like they told me my dad was going to die. I knew it was going to happen, I knew what I might feel, but I didn't know what it was until it happened. I didn't know how it was going to feel but I was prepared."

Troy nodded kissing the top of my head while I looked around the room that would be our home for the next several weeks. The windows were bright but you could make it much darker by dragging the shade for those days that lights were not needed. The poles that were sitting next to Collin's bed and I rubbed my arms up and down. Looking over the scene scared me even more than the thought because it was real. It was going to happen tomorrow.

My stomach clenched with fear again, then I thought about how brave Collin was being. The smile still on his face as he messed with Annie and Jace, they played with him on the bed as Troy talked with Dr. Andy. Collin giggled with Annie as they poked fun at Jace about something, Troy reached up to rub his arm carefully. His eyes flickered in my direction because I didn't know what to expect. I was prepared but I wasn't.

I knew what was going to happen, but I didn't.

I knew the steps, but I was scared.

I knew the love and support were there, but what if it disappeared?

I didn't know what to expect next, I didn't know what I was going to feel, and I didn't know anything.

Maybe I wasn't prepared after all.

* * *

 **My oh my. I could apologize profusely, and I am. I am so sorry, I truly am, but this doesn't change how busy I am. You could go several more weeks without an update and I am sorry about that. I am trying my hardest to get you what you want. I am writing when I can and as much as I can. These next six weeks of my life are going t Y.**

 **I graduate high school in six weeks (about damn time) and for those that have graduated high school and prepared for college…it is a damn crazy time. There will be chapters. There will be more. I promise. Just be patient.**

 **I also wasn't going to bed until I finished this chapter. So I literally just finished this. 20 minutes ago.**

 **Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.**

 **Please Review!**


	29. Accept

Chapter 29 – Accept

" _People who have been single for too long are the hardest to love. They have become so used to being single, independent, and self-sufficient that it takes something extraordinary to convince them that they need you in their life."_

Everybody could normally sense when I needed help but I was so stubborn and bull headed that I would never let it happen until I was always two-step behind. Back in middle school I had this huge science project and my mom would continue to ask about what she needed to do to help but I refused any help. I was in middle school for crying out loud; I didn't need my mom's help.

The night before the project was due, she found me in my bedroom sobbing because I couldn't figure out what to do or how to do it. She knew I was going to need help but she let my stubborn side show proudly.

In high school I was failing my first class ever and my teachers would constantly ask me what they could do to help me but I was so stubborn that I wanted to do it for myself. _I failed the class._

In college I was quickly falling behind until my roommate opened my eyes to what was happening and she pushed me forward but not after weeks of convincing. When I found out I was pregnant my mom begged me to let her help me. To loan me money and to help with whatever was needed.

I didn't want her to have to provide for me. I was too big for that and I didn't want to admit that I needed help. I badly needed it but I couldn't admit that. I wouldn't admit that.

After she died it took convincing from co-workers to help with Collin. Finally, with cancer, I didn't want anybody's help but I couldn't fight it. It wasn't a fight I could do alone and Troy Bolton was never going to let me be alone. I was learning that accepting help didn't mean I was weak. It means that the thing I was challenging was too big for me to do alone – and I was forever grateful that I learned this well before it got out of hand.

* * *

Wednesday, April 8th, 2015

Gabi's POV

I watched the chemo drip slowly into his veins, as Collin was fast asleep during his second day of chemotherapy. He did several days of radiation that were for everybody involved.

He had to do it twice a day, lying as still as possible which resulted in him having to be sedated four times to do radiation. He would then vomit for hours after each treatment. It was enough that Troy decided to push his chemo back a day to give his body a day of rest.

He slept that entire day unless he was puking. His hair was already thinning out again so we had decided to just shave it off, less dramatic than the first go around. My eyes watched him twist in his sleep when a simple knock came at the door. Troy was standing on the other side with a pained smile. "Can we talk?" he said quietly, I nodded my head standing up and heading for the door.

He leaned against the wall as he soaked up every feature in my face. Troy had been working a lot with Collin in the hospital and me not wanting to leave the floor. "How are you?" he asked me, his eyes watching my reaction more than he was hearing the words coming from my mouth.

"I'm tired," I told him honestly, "I hate seeing him in this amount of pain and being this sick." Troy nodded in understanding, probably happy that I told him the truth of the true emotions going through my head. "I'm sorry. I wish I could do more to help but I am doing everything I can."

"I know you are Troy," I reached forward to rub his shoulder and he sighed, "I have to go to a conference this weekend," he said quietly, "I'll be gone Thursday to Tuesday," I frowned as he had been my rock through this entire situation. I couldn't imagine him leaving right now.

His face was pained as he watched me process the information, "I tired to get out of it. I swear. I tried to pull strings but I am supposed to be a speaker," he told me crossing his arms, "I tried telling them I have an important patient and too much work to get done but they really didn't care. I signed a contract a while ago."

I somberly nodded my head because he couldn't do anything about it. "Kyle will be in constant touch with me about everything that is going on."

"You leave tomorrow," I told him, "And you are just now telling me?" he sighed, "I was trying to get out of it and my final attempt this morning didn't work," I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded my head and Troy grabbed my elbow gently. "I'm sorry," he said with a serious face, he watched my face and then repeated his words pulling me a bit closer. "He just wants you half the time Troy," Troy hugged me and kissed the top of my head, "I'll talk to him, okay?"

"Okay," I said as I pulled away, Troy looked at me and then he peered into the room. "Do you want to take a five minute break with me?" he asked with a sincere look, I numbly nodded my head because I needed to see the outdoors. Troy pushed through the double doors while I followed closely behind. My fingers reached for Troy's hand as he pressed his lips to the top of my head while we walked.

"You've been quiet today," he said as the elevator doors closed us in, I felt my eyes close, "I'm tired."

"How about you go sleep at home tonight and I'll stay with little man. You can get a good rest before I leave," he said touching my face with his thumb. An internal debate began in my head because Collin was sick.

A lot sicker than I have ever seen him in this process and that wasn't good. I exhaled as the doors opened and Troy led me out to the outside world. The sun was dimming in the corner of the earth as I tried to focus on breathing.

"C'mon Gabs," he said quietly rubbing my shoulder; I only nodded my head because I knew he was right. I needed to go home and get a good nights rest to deal with Collin for the next several days.

"Hey," he pulled me over to one of the benches and eased me down into his lap. "I understand that you are tired but something else is definitely bothering you." He told me while running his finger of my thigh.

"And I know you aren't mad at me about leaving because that isn't you…do you not feel good and are not telling me because you don't want to leave Co?" I sighed looking up towards the sky. "I'm just tired okay? I am tired of seeing Collin like this already and we have such a long way to go and that is a bit depressing."

Troy eased his hand over my shoulder in comfort, "I'm sorry, I also understand." I just nodded my head while resting against him. His hand slid over my thigh and he exhaled as I let my eyes fall shut.

"I'm also sad that you won't be here." Troy didn't respond, he just squeezed my thigh with his hands and I felt his body tense underneath of me. "Was that a guilt trip?" he asked me with a laugh, I nodded my head, "It sure was."

He shook his head with a smile while rubbing my shoulder with his fingers. I took in a deep breath of fresh air as Troy exhaled. "C'mon, you're going to go say bye to Collin. You need to go get as much rest as possible. Okay?" I nodded my head as I slid off his lap. We walked up the stairs hand in hand with smiles on our faces. I leaned into him while we went up the flight of stairs.

When we came back to the floor, I washed my hands and so did Troy as we went back onto the floor. Collin was sleeping as I went over to kiss his forehead. He stirred underneath of my touch. "Mommy," he whispered, I smiled stroking his cheek, "Mommy is going to leave for a little bit. Troy will stay with you, okay?" he nodded his head and I gave him a tight squeeze. "I love you buddy,"

"I love you too mommy," I kissed him again as I pulled away, he drifted back into dreamland and I sighed softly.

Troy was leaning in the doorway, "I have to work for another hour but then I'll be back here okay?" I nodded going over to squeeze his hand, "He'll be okay." Troy nodded his head while I kissed him softly on the lips. Troy squeezed my hips and pulled me in closer.

"I love you." He whispered against my cheek, I tilted my head back as I smiled, "I love you too. Call me if you need anything?" Troy smirked shaking his head, "Not a damn chance."

I rolled my eyes and then picked up my purse along with my overnight bag. It needed to be restocked and the clothes washed. "I'll be back in the morning. I'll bring breakfast and coffee before you leave, okay?"

"Don't stress Brie, go home, get some rest," I nodded my head again and I looked at Collin again. Troy laughed as he pushed me back out of the room. "Go," he demanded with a laugh, I finally turned and walked but then I thought about how Collin was waking up at four in the morning. I pivoted, "Go Brie," he announced, I sighed as I faced the elevators again.

"He has been wanting to cuddle at four,"

"I know," he stressed, the elevator dinged and I watched the doors open. My feet didn't move though, " _Go_ " he told me, I huffed as I stepped onto the elevator. I turned and waved to him, he waved back, "Sleep."

I grumbled and nodded as the doors closed between us, I tilted my head forward from exhaustion rolling through my body. My shoulders slumped and I felt my eyes brim with tears.

The doors opened again though as another person stepped on so I straightened up and inhaled as my chest tightened. I was going to be okay.

* * *

Troy's POV

My eyes observed Collin sleeping as I let my elbows rest against my elbows. "How was Gabi?" I looked up at Daniel and I shrugged, "She is pretty exhausted."

"So are you and I am making you go on this trip so you'll rest for a couple of days. I can't have a sleep deprived doctor." I ignored his statement as I watched Collin restlessly turn in his sleep. "Troy," I looked up at him again and raised my eyebrow, "Yea?"

"You are getting too close," he warned, I frowned, "I'm dating his mom," I argued, "Of course I am getting too close." Daniel nodded in understanding, "You are getting to the point that I have to take this case out of the department."

"I only want the best for him." I remarked looking up at him, he watched me carefully, "Are you being objective?"

I shook my head, "Daniel, what brought this on?"

"You have to learn to separate work and your life," I pressed my hands to my face while looking up at him, "What brought this on Daniel?" I asked him again, he looked at me leaning against the doorway, "I don't want to see this end badly Troy,"

"And you think I do?" I asked him, "You are going to do too much Troy,"

"Kyle is in charge of his case. He is the reason of thinking." I said with another glance towards Collin. "Please, we'll bring you in if we are debating something. I can't move him from this hospital. Gabi will most likely completely lose it." Daniel looked at him and sighed, "Troy, I hate to see you get hurt again."

My fingers ran through my hair, "I'm not going to get hurt again. He has made it one step past Baker." Daniel didn't say anything because the case haunted him just as much. He sighed sitting down in the chair next to mine as we both watched Collin. "Are you going to marry her?" I felt a smile fall over my face, "As soon as this shit is over."

"You haven't even been dating for six months," he said looking over at me, I shrugged, "I know she is the one," I told him with a shrug, "She is the one for me."

"What if the unthinkable happens?" Daniel asked me, I didn't say anything as I slumped back into the chair, and my heart beat faster thinking of what would happen. Visions of Callie exploded in my mind as I clinched the back of my neck. "I don't know," I honestly replied.

My mind reeled and I shook my head, "I can't have another Callie situation on my hands."

"Are you going to never leave her?" I shrugged rubbing my face, "I don't know what is going to happen Daniel, but he is on the road to recovery. His scans are looking good and he is looking good."

"I just hate to see you lose everything again Troy." My eyes flickered over to the chemo that was still dripping slowly, my eyes then took in Collin's small frame in the bed. "Callie and Baker rocked your world and now what if there is more?" I shook my head, "Why are we even talking about this?" I asked him annoyed, "Because Troy, this is stage four Neuroblastoma and I'm not sure you have thought everything through."

"Thinking what through Daniel? That I found the love of my life, and I never thought I would find that after Callie. I think I found a mother who I was struggling and had a son that was alone. I helped them. I did my job and maybe along the way I fell in love with both of them. I couldn't control that. I can't control the future. I can't predict everything that is going to happen because if I could I would still have my daughter. I would still have Callie. I would still have these things but I can't predict. I do not know what is going to happen tomorrow so I am taking this day by day." Daniel looked at me as I watched Collin closely, his chest rising up and down.

"I don't know what is going to happen. I know that he has a high chance of it coming back. I know he is young. I know that this is hard on his body. _I know._ "

I caught Daniel shaking his head in the corner as I watched him for a second, "I'm sorry Troy," he said standing up," For what?" I asked him, he turned to look at me with a long look and then he looked over at Collin. "You love so hard," he told me, "And you seem to never have enough luck on your side."

He looked at Collin for another second and then walked out of the room. I sighed leaning back against the bed when he came back into the room. "I just don't want to see you hurt again Troy,"

I flickered my eyes up to look at him, "He is going to fine. He is making it through transplant and then he is going to be better. It is rare for reoccurrence after bone marrow transplant."

Daniel nodded because he understood that, "I know Troy but…just be careful okay?" I laughed holding my hands up, "It's too late Daniel. Whatever happens from here on out _happens."_ He nodded his head and then walked away. I slumped forward and pressed my thumbs to my forehead.

My chair leaned forward as I brought my eyes back to Collin resting in the big bed. A nurse walked through the door as she did his vitals and then walked back out without saying much of anything. Bridget and Jace had both already stopped by but when they noticed he was sleeping they didn't stay long.

I sighed as Kyle knocked on the door, "How you holding up?" he asked glancing over Collin's chart. "I'm good. I'm just glad Gabi didn't put up a fight to go and sleep at home."

Kyle nodded as he sat down in the chair next to me, "I heard Daniel and that kind of sucked,"

"I don't know what the hell that was about. Collin has clean scans. He is tolerating this as well as anybody could expect."

"Maybe because you have been worried sick about him since they started treatment Troy, you are his highest paid doctor in the ward and you are for a reason. He is looking at this from the business side of things." I scratched my jaw, "He doesn't want to see this case destroy you."

"It isn't." I commented with a look over to him, I sighed loudly running my fingers through my hair. "When he is cancer free are you going to feel the same about Gabi?"

"Of course," I answered, "Even if you can't save her anymore?" I turned my head to look at him and he laughed, "Dude, you have a thing to save somebody." My eyes watched him for a moment while Kyle smirked, "You don't believe me." He sighed sitting down in front of me, "Troy, you have always been doing something to save somebody. You went to med school to help cure cancer; you are constantly doing fundraisers for people who can't afford treatment. You are attracted to a women who you would have never been attracted too."

I rolled my eyes, "Are you serious?" I asked looking at him again, "You are bringing this up again?"

"Troy, Callie was a damn red-head with freckles all over her face."

"Strawberry," I told him with a flicker, "and so what?"

"The only ever girl you have dated since me knowing you was blonde. None of them had brown eyes. None of them were powerful lawyers. Yet, you see this woman, who I will admit is drop dead gorgeous that is in need of somebody to help her and in comes Troy Bolton,"

I shook my head at Kyle, "You are wrong Kyle, and maybe I like to help people and fine. I do. But I love Gabi for Gabi. I love her because of her big brown doe eyes, I love her for her dark California skin tone, and I love her for the smiles she provides. I love her for the moments that she laughs." I paused to think of her, "I love the way she snores in our bed or the tender moments when Collin is upset and she just loves on him." I tilted back in my chair, "I tried to stop it man." Collin stirred in his bed but his eyes remained closed.

"I tried to not let those feelings go anywhere but you're right, I do like to help people and I saw her in pain. She had one person and that one person was full of cancer. I told myself that I couldn't get close to her but I did." I sucked in a deep breath, "And do I wish I hadn't?" I looked at Collin, "Sometimes when I get scared that I am going to lose both of them. I think of Collin dying and then Gabi doing the same thing Callie did."

I rubbed my eyes leaning forward to rub his foot, "But I thank God everyday for giving me this opportunity to love again." Kyle nodded his head as Collin stirred in the bed again. He opened his eyes and the brown looked at me, the same eyes that Gabi possessed. "Hey bud," I said with a smile, I pushed off the chair as he reached up for me.

I picked him up as he buried his head into my shoulder, "Where is mommy?" he asked me, "She went home to sleep buddy, she'll be back in the morning." He nodded as his fingers curled around my shirt. I looked at Kyle and he sighed, "You love them."

"I love them and there is no changing that."

He nodded his head as he turned around to leave; I crawled into bed with Collin as I pulled him close to me. I then covered us with the blankets while adjusting the bed to recline us.

I definitely could use a nap.

* * *

 _Thursday, April 9_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

I hummed my way along the path of the hospital, as I got refreshed nights sleep. I felt better this morning but I was still sad that Troy was leaving later today. The elevator doors propped open and the familiar smell rose across my skin.

The admittance nurse put me through the normal routine as she made a lack of small talk as I carried in the breakfast past that point. A couple of nurses smiled at me while they offered me a hello.

Pushing past into Collin's room I stopped in my tracks as a smile pulled over my face. Collin was tucked in Troy's grasp while Troy held him close against him. They were both still sleeping but I noticed that Collin was in a different set of pajamas. I quietly moved into the room while setting the food and coffees down. "I found them like this about an hour ago." I turned to see Kyle leaning in the doorway.

"I questioned him last night about this. I mean you know his past and I just…I wondered what his true intention was because to be honest, you aren't what I picture him with and don't take that the hard way but you are so independent and he loves people that he can be there for." I blinked looking at him wondering where this is coming from. "But the man actually loves you. He loves your son. He is in love and maybe you are perfect for him."

My mouth faulted looking at him and he nodded his head slowly, "I never thought he would fall in love again after Callie and Baker but he did." He nodded his head, "He sure as hell fell head over heels in love."

He then turned to leave as my mouth hung open in shock. I then clamped it shut while nodding slowly at the strange, strange interaction that Kyle just provided me. I sighed walking into the room as I brushed my fingers across Troy's cheek.

He jumped as his eyes opened but then relaxed as he took my image in. "My girl," he whispered as those blue eyes went hidden again. My lips leaned over while kissing his temple. Reaching over I let my fingers brush though his hair and he pulled his fingers around my wrist.

"Did you get rest?"

"Plenty," I answered and he opened his eyes to look at me. "How did Co do?"

"Good. He puked twice but he mostly fell right back asleep." I nodded my head as I smiled at Collin curled with Troy. "Mind telling me what Kyle talked to me?" Troy opened his eyes to look at me, his blue eyes hard as he then turned pushing Collin gently off of him. He sat up as he put his hand on my hip, he then eased me between his legs, "What did he say to you?" he asked me, his body grew tense and I looked at him with caution.

"He was just saying something about your true intentions and how you loved to rescue people but I am independent and he doesn't understand our relationship…" my eyes watched Troy's jaw flex with anger, "I'm sorry, he should have never said anything about it. He has been in my ass about us being together because he doesn't want to see anything happen to me."

I raised my eyebrow, "Does he think I am going to break your heart?" I asked reaching up to touch his cheek, Troy shook his head, "No," he paused, "Not intentionally." My eyes held his until he elaborated. "If something were to hypothetically happen to Collin," he stopped to watch my face react, "and I am not saying that anything will happen but he has Neuroblastoma and anything can happen," I nodded for him to go on, he received the message, "And if something happened to him? I'm losing another kid that I love." He looked down at his lap and then back to me, "Then I have this beautiful woman that I love so much that will lose the one thing she has loved more than anything else,"

I touched his face, my thumb stroking his cheek, "Troy,"

"I know, I told him the same thing that everything will be fine." I wrapped my arm around his neck as I leaned into him. "I love you Troy," he gave me a confused look, "You took a risk falling in love with me, a risk because you knew how this could end and how your heart could be and you risked it." He exhaled, his warm breath against my face, "And maybe I am an independent woman, and maybe I am not your 'type' or whatever he says about me but I know _you_ love me. That is _all_ that matters to me. Okay?"

His eyes flickered to my lips and then back to my eyes, my eyes watched his shoulders rise and fall with every breath he took as he contemplated deep down on what he should say next.

"Gabs, you are either going to need to walk out that door for about five minutes or I need to walk out the door," he started to say something else but I covered my mouth with his. He pulled my hips towards his body until I was pressed against him as I now understood what he was trying to say now but I didn't care.

I pulled away from him as he bit down onto his lip; I picked up his hand as I took a quick glance at Collin who was fast asleep. "Gabs," he gave a fair amount of warning with his voice that this wasn't going to end well for him.

We crossed over to the other side of the oncology floor; I smiled at a couple of the nurses while we passed by to Troy's office. I pushed open the door and once Troy was inside I shut it while twisting the lock.

Troy's eyes watched me the entire time, his big blue eyes wide with curiosity. "Dr. Bolton, how quiet can you be?" I asked him, I walked up to wrap my arms around his neck and his Adam's apple bobbed slightly in his throat. "Are you _testing_ me?" he asked, "You're leaving me, and I think you _owe_ me." Troy smirked as he finally merged our lips together.

* * *

"Why are you leaving?" Troy sat on the bed with Collin as he told him he was going to be gone for a couple of days. I smiled watching because the night of rest had definitely helped me relax and then this morning with Troy put me on cloud nine.

"I have to go to work in a different state for a couple of days. I'll be back Tuesday morning."

"But I want you to stay!" Collin protested, Troy sighed, "I wish I could bud, but mommy will be here the entire time. Plus Marcus and Sammy might come up here to play."

"But I want you," he said with an innocent pout, "I'll take that as a compliment Co," Collin gave him a funny look as I couldn't help but laugh. Troy turned towards me with a smile, "I'll be back, we'll talk on the phone every day."

Collin turned to look outside, his skin was pale and he seemed to be shrinking in front of me. The chemo was destroying him. "I'll bring you back a gift," Troy bribed, Collin whipped around to look at him, it caused Troy to break out into a smile. "You like that idea?"

He nodded his head several times as I smiled at the two of them. I went over and slid my arm around Troy's neck and he reached up to grab my hand. "I gotta get ready to go so can I have a hug?" Troy asked reaching for Collin, he nodded his head as Collin pressed himself into Troy's arms.

"I love you big guy,"

"I love you too," Collin responded as Troy gave him an extra squeeze, "Co, I'll be right back," he nodded as I walked out of the room. Troy said something else to him and then he followed me out.

"Please, if you need a break call Sammy or Marcus." I nodded my head and Troy watched my closely, "You promise?"

"Yes," I said with a smile, "It will only be a couple of days Troy,"

"I know but," he stroked my face with his thumb and I gave him a smile, "Go, you have a good couple of days resting up." Troy smiled kissing my temple and he squeezed my hand. "I love you,"

"I love you too," he kissed my forehead and then my lips as he then enclosed me into a tight hug. "Have a good weekend. I'll see you on Tuesday,"

"See you then," he smiled as he walked off, a nurse stopped him as he looked over a chart, and a flash of concern crossed his face as he turned with the nurse. They both started walking towards the opposite end. Always taking time out of his day to help somebody.

* * *

Troy's POV

I summarized the patient as I tried to soothe the young girl. She was hysterical as nurses were holding her down, blood was pouring out of her central line. The nurses were frantically working as I recognized the patient.

"Rachel, I need you to calm down okay? Just take deep slow breaths for me and we will stop this." A nurse handed me stuff as I worked on the patient underneath of me. I cursed, "Somebody call a surgeon and tell them to get to the OR now!" I demanded as I held firmly to the top.

Kyle came into the room to help as Rachel started to grow pale; Kyle and I both called for blood at the same time. The scramble continued in the room until a surgeon was ready in the OR. I climbed onto the bed to hold pressure onto her chest. They raced the bed into the elevator as I kept talking to Rachel. She was groggy, "Rachel stay with me here,"

We got into the OR and nurses were prepared to take over, I pulled my hands off as the nurses took over. I slid off as I looked down at my blood soaked jeans and t-shirt. I walked to the sink as I stripped my gloves off my hands and tossed them as I washed my arms and hands. I scrubbed for what felt like forever.

"You saved that girl," Kyle said coming in; I ignored him as I dried my hands off. I pushed out the door and Kyle laughed, "Why are you mad at me?"

"Kyle, I'm soaked in blood right now. I think I am going to go change." I answered as I got onto the elevator. "Yea, I know, you are making a trail," I ignored him again as he laughed tilting his head back. The elevator doors finally opened and I walked out into the oncology floor. I walked back to the attending lounge as I peeled my dirty shirt off. I tossed it into the trashcan and then rummaged through my locker trying to see what clean shirt I had.

"It should be easy. You're living here." I again ignored him as I found a dirty shirt as I threw it on and I slid off my jeans. I tossed those into the laundry bin next to my locker and found a pair of khaki shorts. "Why are you pissed?" he asked me as he leaned against the lockers. "Because you are putting things into Gabi's head that are not true." I shut the door to my locker and he sighed, "I told her that you love her Troy,"

"Yea, then I had to reassure that I do actually love her. How about you just stop fucking talking to her?" Kyle watched me carefully and he nodded, "You are protective over her." He surveyed, "Yea, I'm protective of her. I love her Kyle, I know you don't have a serious relationship and never probably will because you have this damn stereotype."

He nodded his head slowly at the words I just threw at him. I picked up my bag as I looked at my watch, "I have to go. I have a flight to catch."

"Troy, I am sorry."

"Just stop talking to her okay? She doesn't need this right now. I love her and that is all the matters." Kyle just nodded as I quickly turned to leave. I was going to be late for my flight if I didn't hurry but I needed to stop and see her one more time.

I brushed past the ward and entered the other side, I came to there room and I stopped as Gabi was lying with Collin in the hospital bed. They were both watching Inside Out on the TV. I watched Gabi smile as Collin giggled in the bed, his day already better than yesterday.

"Are you going to see them?" Jace asked me, "No." I answered, "I was but they are content. I don't want to disrupt them." Jace smiled and nodded as I took one last look and then veered towards the elevators.

* * *

Gabi's POV

 _Saturday, April 11_ _th_ _, 2015_

Collin screamed from his nightmare as I tried to hold him closely but he wasn't having it. He finished chemo yesterday and was now taking two full days of rest before they did the Bone Marrow Transplant.

"Co, baby," I soothed, as the moon was the only light in the room. I rocked him but he fought me crying harder. "I want dad," he wailed in my arms for the millionth time. It had been extremely strange to have Troy missing from my daily life. This was the first time in months that I haven't seen him every single day.

It made this process a hell of a lot lonely than I remember when I am missing my partner in crime. This caused me to reflect on those first several weeks that I spent alone but I was never truly alone. I had Troy with the constant visits; Sam and Mariah became my friends quickly.

But I was currently _alone_.

I picked up my cell phone from the table and I dialed his number from the back of my head. It rang a couple of times, "Are you okay?" his voice was half asleep and I didn't answer, as Collin's screams didn't enter the phone.

"He had a nightmare and wants _you_." Troy grunted from the other end, a click happened from the other side, "Okay, do you want to FaceTime?"

"Yea, hang on," I put Collin down as I messed with my phone to connect FaceTime. I showed Collin the phone as Troy popped up. He was lying in bed while rubbing his eyes, a light shining in the room as I clicked our lamp on as well.

"What's wrong bud?" Troy asked, his blue eyes were hazy and bags were growing underneath of his eyes from the lack of sleep. He had been working long shifts and then spending the nights with us. Collin was having trouble sleeping at night between puking and nightmares.

Troy and Collin held a conversation while I watched the two of them talk back and forth until Collin was relaxing against me again. I focused on the little details of Troy's face that I never took time to notice. His freckles that were hidden on the bridge of his nose, and the way that he would give a tiny half smile because he was so tired.

My stomach filled with happiness as he was taking time to talk to my son after his nightmare. That he answered my call when he could have easily ignored it and I wouldn't have even been mad at him.

Tears welled in my eyes thinking about it, "Brie," I heard registered his voice as I looked at him as I quickly brushed my hand over my eyes. "He's asleep," he said again as he watched me closely for a couple of seconds.

I nodded my head as I put down the phone for a moment as I slid him back into his hospital bed. I then picked up the phone while I went back to my little lounge chair that kicked back, I pulled my blanket up around my shoulders as I looked at Troy. "You okay?" he asked me with a weary look, "Yea, I'm good, I just…" I smiled while tilting my head up to look at the ceiling, "I love you." I told him while looking back into the camera.

He gave me a concerned look, "What's wrong?" he asked me sitting up more in his bed, I laughed, "Nothing is wrong Troy, I just, I was sitting with Collin while you talked and I realized how damn lucky I am to have you in my life." He didn't say anything while I continued; "You are exhausted because you have been taking such fantastic care of my son and I. You work all day and then you spend all night with us. Then you go on vacation for work and you deserve the rest but you still answer my call and soothe my sobbing son. He goes back to sleep and I just…I don't deserve you."

"You do," Troy said automatically, "You deserve the greatest things Gabs," I gave a weak smile as I wiped underneath my eyes again. "This is the first time that I have felt alone since this whole process began." I told him honestly, "Sam and Mariah have sick children and you're out of town." I brushed my fingers over my blanket as I looked up at him, "I miss having somebody else to battle this with me."

Troy didn't say anything for a moment as if I caught him off guard by my statement, "I really never thought I would hear that from you." I gave him a tiny smile as I looked at his worn blue eyes. "Maybe Kyle is right Troy…you rescue people and Troy it is very possibly that I needed to be rescued and showed that I can receive help. You are showing me that I can love another person and work efficiently still. You are showing me that I don't have to be in this world alone anymore and I am forever grateful for that."

Troy let a small grin slip onto his face, "And you made this discovery right now?" I nodded my head with a smile blooming over my face. Troy laughed with a stupid big grin on his face. "I love you, and that is literally the best thing I have heard today."

"It is only three in the morning," I teased, Troy smiled rubbing his eyes again, "I promise that won't change."

I tugged the blanket closer to me, "I wish you were here." Troy sobered up from the moment and nodded, "I wish I was there too. I am bummed I won't be there Monday for his big day."

"Troy, you told me yourself that it is very anti-climatic."

"It is but I still want to celebrate that we have made it this far,"

"You should probably go back to bed." I told him while curling up tighter in the chair, "But I like talking to you."

"You looked pretty tired,"

"You are the one that needs rest," Troy said back, I rolled my eyes in disagreement and Troy laughed at me as I looked over at Collin resting. "How did you get him to calm down?" I asked, Troy must have noticed my eyes shift, as he knew what I was talking about.

"I just started talking and then I would ask him questions. He completely calmed down and then started to fall asleep. I just talked, we talked football and anything else."

I smiled looking over at Collin, "Do you think you have the magical powers to talk me to sleep?" Troy smirked and laughed, "I know I can talk to get you to do _other_ things but I'm not sure about sleep," I snorted and Troy gave me a cocky eyebrow raise.

"Not tonight?" Troy asked I shook my head with a smile, "Got it, go to bed Brie, I'll call you in the morning okay?" I nodded my head and he winked at me, "Love you,"

"Love you too."

He pressed the end button while I curled up in the chair, my eyes growing heavy, as I had found the nightly sounds at the hospital that lured me asleep.

* * *

 _Monday, April 13_ _th_ _, 2015 – Transplant Day!_

Collin was slumped in the bed as the chemo was having an extreme toll on his body. I watched him nervously as all the doctors who examined him promised me that this was completely normal.

That didn't help my concerns though as I kept texting Troy but he was busy. He had not texted me back in a couple of hours but he warned me that he had a big meeting. "Knock knock," I looked up at Sam and I smiled, "Hi girl," I got up as I hugged her tightly, "How are you two holding up?" My eyes casted towards Collin and I sighed, "He is doing okay. I'm not sure how this is going to go." Sam nodded sitting down next to me. "He's going to be just fine, how has the past several days gone without Troy?" she asked me, I shrugged, "Okay. I mostly just miss his company. I haven't been this alone in a long time."

Sam gave me a hurt expression, "Why didn't you call me?" she asked pushing my leg gently, I laughed, "You're busy. You have a little guy who is battling still and Mariah has her two boys."

"You know you can call us still, I bet Troy told you that."

"That doesn't change how busy you are." She looked at me with a curious glance and I shrugged, "We have been okay. Today is the big day though," Sam smiled, "This is a good day, this is the turning point." She grabbed my hand and closed hers around it. I smiled squeezing her hand tightly, "I know, I am so excited for this moment."

"You have plenty of rough days ahead but you'll get through them, I promise," I nodded while I reached over to hug her. "I was mostly just stopping by to see you." She said patting my leg, "But if you want me to stay, I'll stay," she said with a smile, I looked over at Collin, "No, you go spend time with your little guy." My hand squeezed hers again and she smiled, "If you need anything," I nodded before she could continue and then she looked over at Collin again.

"I appreciate you coming to check on my girl," my head snapped up to the doorway as Sam turned around, a smile spread over my lips as I looked at Troy leaning in the doorway. He looked relaxed and his eyes didn't carry nearly the same amount of bags. His shoulders were pushed back and his arms crossed over his chest. A blue shirt made his eyes sparkle underneath the hospital lighting with a pair of jeans.

"Well, well," Sam said with a grin turning towards me, I stood up as I walked over to him, he pushed off the door while we both met each other in the middle. "What are you doing here?" I asked him with a big smile, "Well, my big meeting today was a flight back home to be here for his big transplant. This is the beginning of the rest of his life Gabs," I smiled as I folded into his arms, his lips pressing into the top of my head gently.

My nose filled with Troy's scent as he gave me a tight squeeze, "How is he?" Troy asked as he let go of my body, he walked over to Collin but pulled at his chart first. "He is okay." I replied, "The chemo definitely taking its toll," I rubbed my arms as Sam came over to squeeze my shoulder. "Call me later, okay?" I nodded as she slipped by and out the door. Troy read over his chart before putting it away and then he went over to stroke Collin's forehead.

Collin stirred underneath of the blanket, "Dad?" he looked up but then preceded to throw up. I cringed as Troy willingly helped him as I found a change of clothes. He was crying moments after that and Troy had stripped him down to his underwear and then held him against his chest. I went around to the backside while rubbing his back gently. Troy sat him down as we changed him into another set of clothes.

"I'm sorry buddy," Troy whispered quietly, Collin whimpered but rolled back into the bed from exhaustion. Troy glanced up at me and he reached for my hand, "So are you ready for this?" he asked me with a look towards the nurses station. I nodded my head as I went over, "I want you to rebuild him," I whispered leaning into his shoulder, he moved to wrap his arm around my back while kissing my temple. "I love you."

"I love you too, let's rebuild that boy."

* * *

I watched as the bone marrow dripped into Collin's body slowly. Troy was correct when he told me that it was anti-climatic but it was exciting to know that we were moving forward. That from this moment he was going to be healthier.

I bit down on my lip as Troy went to get caught up on work for a little bit as I spent time with Collin. He was sleeping though and that was no surprise. I thought back to the very beginning of this journey and I could never picture myself right here. I could never picture sitting here thinking about my child going into remission. They keep telling me that the weeks ahead were going to be brutal and I didn't doubt that.

But we were going forward.

Right now, there isn't anymore chemo. There isn't any more radiation. There was just recovering from the stem cell transplant with other drugs to help kick the cancer for the next five years. I knew we had more and I knew that we would never stop fighting but this felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Every time I thought about this journey, I couldn't picture it without Troy.

I knew I loved him and I couldn't picture my life without him. He was stuck. I was stuck. "Penny for your thoughts?" I didn't move as I continued to watch the drips in his line, "Just thinking about how you're stuck with me." Troy laughed and I heard him move through the room, he then stood in front of me. My eyes blinked up at him and he lowered himself onto my lap. He wrapped his arms around my neck, "I'm stuck with you?"

My head nodded into his shoulder, "You are the first man that I let love me, so yea, you're stuck." Troy laughed tilting his head back, "I think I might be okay with that." I smiled and Troy kissed me softly, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

His eyes light up, "Because, seeing your face when I showed up was completely worth me keeping this a secret." I giggled into his neck while kissing it; I then went up the side and across his jaw. He sucked in a breath, "Brie, stop," I laughed and pulled away resting against him. Troy rubbed my knee while we both watched Collin sleep. "He'll be okay,"

"I know," I told him with a smile, "He's my boy,"

"I'm your boy," I rolled my eyes, "You're my man." I responded pinching his stomach, he howled with laughter getting off of me, "That was mean," I shook my head and I relaxed back into the chair, "No," he reached down and tickled me. I laughed while wrapping my arms around him; I then began to kiss him again to completely distract him. His hands stopped moving across my stomach and we started doing things we shouldn't do in Collin's room.

He pressed my back against the wall behind me and I grabbed at the back of his neck. My fingers brushed through the back of his hair and he moaned against my lips, "We have to stop," he begged pulling away, I twisted my head to look at Collin asleep, "I can not do another quiet time with you because I have too much to say and do to you."

"Do you think your sister would want to come relieve both of us to go home for a bit," Troy raised his eyebrows, "Do I get to leave you in the bed?" he whispered into my ear, I laughed tilting my head back while biting my lip, "I love you," he whispered leaning in to me, "I love you too." I squeezed his shoulder but my eyes didn't waver from his. "Thank you for helping me when I needed it Troy, and not letting me get too stubborn."

Troy smirked, "I'm glad you said too stubborn because you still like to fight me _on everything_." I giggled kissing him again, "I hope you don't expect that to change," I teased and he smirked shaking his head, "Of course not. I never expect that to change."

My eyes watched Troy and I surveyed the way he watched Collin for a couple of minutes. His eyes flickered from different spots and then he squeezed my out of habit. My eyes couldn't stop watching him, as I loved every minute knowing that he was protecting my child. I love that he wormed his way into my life. I loved everything about him. I loved him.

And nothing _will change that._

* * *

 **Hey guys! Long time no write!**

 **It has been a crazy time and I honestly can't tell you when I will update Ace. I am working on the chapter and I know what I want to do but it is just having the time to write it out. I have a busy weekend ahead of me but I will see what I can get done. I stayed up way past what my eyeballs wanted to do to finish this so I hope you enjoy.**

 **It is a cheesy chapter but oh well.**

 **Please Review!**


	30. Superhero

Chapter 30 – Superhero

" _Little boys are just superheroes in disguise"_

Collin was always the typical little boy that was always running around. He loved to play in dirt, cars were his favorite things, and if it had a ball he would sit and watch. He loved to play with all balls even on my best efforts to give him a well-rounded life of other things beside sports.

Collin loved his superheroes just as much as he loved sports too. Spider-man was always his favorite though. He loved how he flew around on webs through New York City. He loved how he protected his city from the bad guys. He also loved the fact that if a spider bit him that he might turn into Spider-man. This caused me to roll my eyes when he saw a spider and chased after them so they could bite him.

I never had the heart to tell him that a bug wouldn't turn him into a superhero. I just never had the heart to do it. It made me cringe every time he tried to pick the spider up but I let him continue as I took five steps back. I was naïve to think that my child would never be a superhero that it was all games and imagination but my child did become a superhero. He battled something that would destroy me but he continued to smile.

He continued to play and laugh even though he didn't want too anymore. Collin became a superhero by battling cancer.

He was by far the bravest superhero that I have ever come in contact with and he didn't even have to have a spider bite him.

* * *

 _Monday, April 27_ _th_ _, 2015_

Troy walked in the door of our room and by his face I knew he didn't have good news. I groaned falling into the chair and Troy let out a small chuckle, "I'm sorry, his counts are still zero." I looked over at Collin as he was curled up on the bed, as the poor kid was so sick. His mouth was full of sores and he was constantly sleeping. Troy came in and rubbed my shoulders with his large hands as we had found a system over the past several weeks.

We would stay two nights together at the hospital then we would rotate where I would stay home one night. Troy would stay home one night and then we would spend a night together at the house. We would move through this and we had both been doing really well. Collin was just stuck though with no immune system and that limited the amount of foot traffic in his room. Joe was coming in for a couple of days. Troy and I had decided that we were going to spend two nights at the house together this week with Joe staying with Collin.

They had grown closer over phone calls and FaceTime, he even looked forward to it and he met his sisters that way. It was a bright spot to his day and he was excited for his sleepover with Joe. I smiled as I looked at Collin as a nurse came in to hook up platelets and blood. "Can we go out on a date tomorrow?" Troy asked continuing to rub my shoulder, as my answer didn't come out of my mouth. I felt fear rise within me for leaving Collin longer than to sleep.

When Troy was here it wasn't that big of a deal but it was going to be Joe. I trusted Joe I just…Collin was three and I didn't want to scare him. I didn't want him to think I was leaving him. "Brie," Troy encouraged as he pressed his lip to my neck. "He'll be okay. I need a night with you that doesn't include a bed or a hospital." I smiled weakly as I leaned back against Troy as he kissed the top of my head. "Are his counts at all showing any sign of bouncing back?"

Troy sighed, "It takes time, you know this."

"It's been two weeks!"

"And that is perfectly normal. I bet they will start responding within the next couple of days. Relax." He whispered into my ear, I sighed and Troy rubbed my shoulders gently for another couple of minutes. I rubbed the top of his hand as he kissed me again, "Brie," he whispered quietly, "Okay," I responded, "But I want a good date," Troy laughed raising his eyebrows. I turned to face him as I pulled on his shirt.

"What would a good date entail?" he asked me as he locked his fingers with mine, I reached up to rub his chin, "A date that does not include hospital talk or in a cafeteria," Troy smiled and I smiled back, "It would include no screaming children and at the end of the night we would go back to a _very_ empty household." My hand ran up his chest and Troy's breathing stalled for a moment. "What if we skipped the whole food and entertainment part and we just skip to the empty household part?"

I laughed and pulled on his collar and pressed my lips to his. "I don't know Dr. Bolton…if you play your cards right that might be a yes." Troy grinned kissing me softly when somebody cleared his or her throat behind us. I peeked over Troy's shoulder to see his mom looking up at the ceiling. "Mrs. Bolton," Troy jumped apart from me and his hands dropped to his sides. I laughed as I brushed my fingers through my hair and Troy's mom provided a big smile.

"I came up to see you guys, Troy," Troy turned and directed his attention to his mom. "Mom," he greeted her and she gave him a tight hug. "Gabi how are you holding up?" she asked me after letting go of Troy. "I am doing really well, I just wish my little guy would rebound with his counts already." Lucy gave a sweet smile towards the two of us. Troy cleared his throat for a moment and he looked up towards his mom like a teenage boy.

Lucy and I laughed together as Troy looked between the two of us. "What is it?" he asked, we both shared a smile as I backed away from the two of them, "You guys talk, I'm going to get a coffee," Troy gave me a confused look and I walked out squeezing his shoulder as I passed by him.

* * *

Troy's POV

Gabi walked out of the door and I looked up at my mom who was still grinning, "You two…" my mom said with a teasing grin, she sat down her purse as her hands ran up her arm. She looked up at me and then over to Collin, "How is he really doing?" she asked me, I smiled, "He is handling it really well." I reassured her, my eyes looked over at Collin as he was sleeping, what he mostly did all the time.

"That is good. You didn't do so well during yours." I nodded my head as she talked to me, "I remember." I said quietly, she sighed rubbing her arms up and down. "Why did you come up here mom?" she glanced up at me, "I haven't seen you in a while. I called Bridget and she told me you haven't really left this area in a while." I smiled tugging on Collin's blanket.

"No, I haven't." I smiled, "But his dad is coming up for a couple of days so Gabs and I are going to spend less time here and spend more time together."

"You haven't been to a family dinner in a while. You are missing out on Sammy's new boyfriend and even your brother brings a girlfriend around…" I sighed, "I'm sorry mom. I have been a little busy with Gabi and Collin. We came over several times before his Stem Cell transplant but we are stuck in the hospital with him now." She nodded reassuring that she understood. She went through this process three times.

"I get it. I just miss seeing your face…that's all." I smiled and squeezed her shoulder; "I'm always a call away." She smiled at me and plopped down into the chair next to Collin's bed. "How about you take that pretty lady and go grab some food huh? I'll sit here and watch Collin." I eyed her for a moment before nodding, "You came during my lunch break." I asked looking up at the clock, she smiled, "and I asked Bridget about that too. I knew you two were probably needing a break but it seems that you have found a system."

I shrugged, "We're doing okay. She is just really worried about Collin which is understandable." My mom again nodded in understanding as I let out a long breath, "I'm going to go find Gabs then, we'll be back in about an hour. Call me if you need anything or if something happens, okay?"

"I know the drill Troy," I smiled walking out of the room and almost ran into Gabi, "Turn around," I said with a smile, "What? Why? Is Collin okay?" I laughed, "Yes, Collin is fine. My mom came to sit with him so we could go to lunch." Her eyes darted to the clock and she gave a flicker of a smile, "Well let me-" I cut her off, "No, no, you can thank her when we get back. You'll never leave if we stay here." She tried to protest but I twisted her shoulders to the exit.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked once the elevator started to move, "To my favorite lunch spot." She arched an eyebrow at me and I gave her a smug smile, "Just trust me," The elevator stopped and I linked my hand with her as we walked through the outdoor parking lot and across the street. She gave out a short laugh as we walked down the street. "Where are we going?" she asked me again as Denver traffic zoomed on her right side.

I stopped in front of a little shop and I pulled the door open for her, "We're here," she stepped inside and looked around at the small café that held about ten tables. There was a bar along the counter and 90's music was coming from the sound system. The place was half full of people and I escorted her to a booth in the corner that was rounded. "Dr. Bolton! It is lovely to see you here again! It's been too long!"

I turned and gave a wave, "Susie, how are you?" I questioned back avoiding all my personal life. "I'm awesome sweetheart, living the life one day at a time!" I chuckled as I slid into the booth with Gabi and she kept looking around amazed at everything she was seeing. It was a small little place that most people passed by going down the block to a bigger café. I found this place though during Baker's treatments and never stopped coming.

"This is awesome," she declared looking at their decorations of records on the wall signed by the actual artist. She was looked at the writing and quotes among the walls declaring love or even saying how much they hate their significant other. The tables were also covered in paper and crayons were spilled among it to write anything. I picked up the blue crayon and began to scribble in front of Gabi.

 _I love you._

I threw a smiley face next to it and she gave me a smile leaning her head into my shoulder. Susie came over and she looked between Gabi and I then gave off one of the biggest grins. "Dr. Bolton, you didn't tell me you were dating somebody!" My eyes flickered down to Gabi as I saw the tiny smile cross her face. "I don't know if I have been in since I started dating her," I said with honesty, "I have been meaning to come here but I have been busy."

"Saving lives like a true American hero," I rolled my eyes playfully and she laughed, her hair was curled on the top of her head and a pen sat behind her hair. I had never actually seen her use a pen though as she remembers everything you tell her.

"I'll have the burger and fries." I told her, Gabi nodded and held up two fingers, Susie smiled and winked, "I'll have them right out." Gabi gave a small laugh when she walked away and I rubbed her hand. "Better than Parks?" she asked me, her nose pressed into my shoulder and I felt her body heat rolling off of her. "Oh no," I remarked, "This is just closer than Parks. Parks definitely had the better burgers and fries but these milkshakes," I wiggled my eyebrows and Gabi laughed.

"That good huh?"

"Amazing." Gabi smiled and pressed her lips to my neck, "I miss you," I turned my head and let my lips fall into her dirty hair, "I miss you too." She sighed and rubbed her eyes from the exhaustion. "After all of this is done and Collin is better we are going on a vacation to a beach. Collin will play in the sand and you'll lay on the beach while drinking whatever you want to drink." I whispered to her, she smiled, "Two rooms?" she questioned, I laughed, "Of course."

I breathed in the scent of hospital and shampoo off her head, as I really just wanted to kiss her. . I just wanted to press her back against a wall, a bed, anything that provided stability so I could just kiss her. Her arms tightened on my arm and she trailed kisses down my neck. "Stop," I whispered into her ear, she giggled but continued to do it until I was starting to shift in my seat. "I didn't get this food to-go," I whispered back to her.

"Then make it to go, I kind of just need to kiss you." I jumped at her words and I walked over to the counter as I leaned across, "Susie, how much longer on our food?" I asked Susie gave me a smile turning towards the cook. "Almost done!"

"Can you have them box it to-go? I have to get back to the hospital." I said with a hint of sadness but deep inside my stomach tightened with excitement. She nodded, "Of course! You must be so busy!" I nodded sympathetically as I then felt Gabi's hand wrap around my waist. Her hand slid down the front of my pants and then over my dick, I hissed at her because with one touch from her I would be hard making it painfully awkward to leave.

She laughed again and that noise made my heart beat a little faster as Susie slid the food across to me in to-go boxes. I thanked her as I laid down a fifty on the counter and slid it her way. She smiled and gave me a wink as Gabi and I rushed out the door like two sixteen year olds. Once we were on the side of the building I put the food down and pressed her back up against the wall taking her lips in mine. She moaned against them and I just wanted to bury my throbbing dick into her.

"Where can we go?" she asked, I wanted to tell her right here. I wanted to just stop everything and do it right here on the side of a building. It would tack having sex in a public place off my bucket list and I would fulfill every single need I had right now. "We're about to do it right here," I muttered, she laughed shaking her head and her eyes spun around looking for somewhere that wasn't a children's hospital.

"Come," she requested, she grabbed the food that we were supposed to eat and hiked across the street. She then pulled open a gas station door as I grimaced, "Brie, I'd rather go to the children's hospital," I said but she held up her hand as she pushed through the back door and cut across another street until she came to another place. It was mostly empty besides one or two workers. Gabi gave a smile as she waved to them and walked across the room.

I sped up, "What is this place?" I whispered into her ear. It wasn't dirty but it had tables like it was a restaurant. "A dinner place." She said looking at the clock, "They open right now but they normally don't get any customers until dinner time." We rounded the corner and there was four bathrooms as she pushed into the farthest one away, she stepped in and waited until I was in to shut the door and lock it behind her. She quickly peeled off the yoga pants she was wearing and I fumbled with my belt.

"Have you done this before?" I asked, she giggled again, "Yea, definitely. I am fond of the bathroom sex." I rolled at my eyes at her sarcastic comment, "Once after a night at the bar, happy?" she said with a smile I nodded as I pulled her into me, "Much happier now," I whispered and she laughed kissing me again. Fucking love her.

* * *

Gabi's POV

 _Wednesday, April 29_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

Joe rubbed his hands together while carefully washing them thoroughly. "He absolutely loves his stuff turtle at night and he is constantly clutching his favorite blanket right now so you don't have to worry about that. His mouth sores are pretty bad right now so he might wake up crying and in pain. Just ask the nurse to up his pain meds a little bit more and he'll fall right back asleep," I said cautiously as Joe was still washing his hands.

"Okay," he responded, "What else?" he asked, I breathed, as I had been anxious all day today about leaving Collin for thirty-six hours in the hospital. "If he wakes up crying it might be because of a nightmare. You'll know the difference. Call me. I can either talk him through it over the phone or I will have to come up here. He has been prone to nightmares since he was six months old. He had one the other night and it took me hours to get him to calm down."

Joe swallowed nervously as his eyes looked up towards Collin's room. "In the morning he likes to watch Mickey Mouse clubhouse and then turn on one of the five movies sitting next to the TV. He loves all of them. He cannot go to the playroom right now with his counts non-existent so do not say yes. He'll try you several times." I continued to ring my hands and I tried to think of anything else I needed to say to him. "He won't eat. It isn't worth the meltdown and tears that follow. The nurses will give him a large feeding through his feeding tube every night."

Joe nodded his head and we began to slowly walk towards the room. "Please text me if you have any questions, I know you are his father and you deserve some alone time with him. I wish it was under better circumstance but…" I let it drag out and Joe looked over at Collin lying on the bed. His eyes were almost lifeless and I inhaled, "He is a special boy," I whispered, "I love him dearly and I hope you bond with him as well as I did."

I knew Joe wanted to say something about me not telling him but he definitely kept it in well. "Gabs, you about ready?" Troy rounded the corner with his bag in his hands from the several sleepovers and his jacket in the other. "Let me just say good-bye to Collin," Troy nodded putting his stuff down into the chair as both of the men followed me in. Collin turned towards the sound of the door opening but he frowned at all of us.

I sat on the edge of his bed and he curled into me, "Mommy, I want to go home." I sighed brushing my fingers of his baldhead, "I know you do baby, I know you do," I kissed the top of his head and I blinked back the tears forming in my eyes. "Joe is here to stay with you okay? If you need mommy tell him and he'll call me okay?" Collin nodded his head in understanding but I doubt he'll remember because of all the pain meds.

"I am going to go though, I'll be back on Friday morning to kiss and love on you, okay?" Collin nodded again as I brought him into a tight hug. "I love you so much Co," he didn't say anything back as I kissed the top of his head again. I let him relax back into the bed as Troy walked over and gave him knuckles. Collin smiled weakly and Troy whispered something to him. Collin nodded and smiled at Troy, "Love you bud,"

Collin again didn't say anything but gave us both a smile, I looked at Joe and he gave me an easy grin, "I have it under control," I raised my eyebrow and Joe nodded, "I do. Everything will be okay and if it isn't I'll call you." Troy gave a thumbs-up and I could see the silent communication between the two men. Troy squeezed my shoulders gently and then kissed my temple softly as he guided me out of the room.

"Now the fun begins," Troy said as the doors slipped open, I followed and felt my shoulders crumple forward in defeat. "Is he every going to get better?" I asked, Troy sighed, "Brie, it takes time. I bet it will be any day now. Patience." I sighed rolling my shoulders and Troy rubbed my shoulders with his hands trying to get me to relax. "What do I need to do to get you relaxed?" he asked into my ear. I moved away from him as the elevator doors opened.

"Brie," he called as I walked towards his car. "I'm fine Troy,"

"Then why are you mad?" he asked me as I moved to the passenger side but Troy continued to follow me. I huffed crossing my arms but Troy just crossed his arms and stared at me. He wasn't going to move from his spot until I talked. His blue eyes flickered to my face and I nodded my head with a small laugh, "How do you expect me to relax Troy?" Troy sighed, "I don't know Brie, I want you to enjoy your time away from the hospital."

I bit on my lip while I contemplated the ideas in my head, "I want too Troy but I am so nervous. Collin is staying with Joe for the first time. Joe is handling a kid with cancer who gets scared easily." I stopped and Troy pulled his fingers underneath my chin while kissing my forehead, "You are allowed to be nervous but there are plenty of doctors and nurses around. I have Jace coming by every couple of hours to check on him. You also deserve a little break. We'll face time him later tonight and then tomorrow afternoon, okay?"

I watched his blue eyes look into mine as if he was questioning to my reaction, Troy wet his lips with his tongue, a weakness that he held against me, and I sighed, "Fine," Troy smiled and pulled me into a kiss, his fingers pulling my shirt forward as he dipped his tongue into my mouth. I moaned and he squeezed my arm gently, "A bubble bath, massage, and good make-out session with a glass of wine should relax a girl,"

Troy smirked before leaning in towards my ear, "Just make-out?" I rolled my eyes with a laugh, "Don't get ahead of yourself Bolton," he smiled opening my door gently as he let me slide into the car before shutting the door and running around to his side. He climbed in and he took a deep breath, "First, we are going to Parks to get some food before we go back to the house. Also a little grocery shopping because once we enter we aren't leaving."

I smiled reaching over for his hand and he gave it a tight squeeze after interlacing our fingers together. He backed out of the spot in doctor parking before pulling out onto the road. I hadn't left the hospital area in a little over a week and this felt nice. I rolled down the window as the spring air filtered in, my eyes gazed to the trees that were blooming with green leaves and the bushes on the ground coming back to life.

Troy had the radio turned onto some 80's station as he drove through the streets going back to his house but past to go to Parks. He circled the block once and did a couple different turns when I finally looked over at him, "What are you doing?" I asked he had a soft smile on his face and his eyes held adoration behind them. "I don't know. I just am watching you and you look content. I didn't really want to mess that up right now."

"I just miss the outside world." Troy squeezed my hand as I looked at the passing cars and the birds flying low in the sky. "I am hungry though so can we eat?" Troy chuckled and nodded as he looped around and went back to Parks. He pulled into a parking spot and he released a heavy breath, "You okay?" I asked him as I ran my fingers over his knuckles. He looked startled by my question but recovered with an easy smile.

"Just tired," he told me with a smile, "I bet having two days off work and out of the hospital will prove to be great."

"I'm sorry Troy, you have been basically working double overtime between your actual job and us," I let my sentence drag off and Troy shook his head, "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else Brie, if I am not with you I hate it. I don't like leaving you alone. I don't like being alone. I never have." I smiled and reached up to stroke his cheek with my finger, "Then why did you spend so many years alone?" Troy's face went flat and then he reached up to rub my hand, "I was waiting for the right girl to make me happy again."

My cheeks flushed and he leaned in to kiss me softly, I kissed him back as I held back the tears forming in my eyes. We both slid out of the car after that and walked inside to the restaurant that was moderately packed. I followed Troy to the counter as he rattled off both of our orders without hesitation and I loved it. I love that he knows my order without having to ask. I love how he took charge. I love how he does the simple things like that. I love him. Period.

Troy grabbed the number card and he walked over to a table across the room. I followed him when I officially glanced at the number. The number 25 was on the navy blue card as he put it on the holster in front of the table. He pulled out my chair for me and I nestled in muttering a thank you. I went to start a conversation as Troy checked his messages on his phone. "I love your son. I do." He started as he clicked his phone off and pushed it to the side. His eyes reaching up to meet mine, "But I don't want to talk about him. We have been together since October and I feel like I barely know you."

"You know what I eat, drink, do," I told him; Troy let a smile play on his lips as he thought about it. "You eat anything that is put in front of you. You love to drink tea but if we are going alcoholic you are a girl who enjoys anything with rum in it. And what do you do? You take care of your son."

"Exactly, that is everything you need to know about me."

Troy shook his head, "What was your favorite subject in school? Are you republican or democrat?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows, I rolled my eyes at the question, "I loved every single reading class that I took in school because I loved to sit and have time to read. I miss those moments of getting to simply read books that I cared about and wanted to read. Once I started law school I only read books about law and then I had Collin so I was back to picture books."

Troy smiled as I took a drink of the water in front of me, "As for the very political question you just asked me…I don't label myself. I call myself the swing voter because I can be persuaded easily enough to either side. I agree with many movements on the Republican side but I can do the same with the democratic side." Troy took a drink of his class and I smiled, "Left or right?" I asked him because I knew he stood his ground on the subject because that was Troy. He always had a side and he was a firm believer in his side.

"I respect your choice." Troy said, "Because I can step across the middle and understand the other side but I can't leave the right." He said as he took another drink, "This isn't fun," I reminded him, "What other fun topic should we talk about."

"That was an important topic."

"If I would have told you I was a leftist would you have felt differently about me?" Troy scrunched his face together and then he laughed, "No. I love you. I would just judge you a little bit." I giggled and nodded in understanding as we went further into another conversation.

A better conversation that didn't involve politics.

* * *

Troy rested his knees on either side of me as he ran his hands down my back. He massaged it up and down carefully with oil that he had stashed away. "When did you learn to do this?" I questioned quietly as his hands roamed over my back again pressing on the knots forming in my lower back.

"I used to do it all the time for Callie during Baker's cancer treatments because she was just like you in the sense of getting super tense and not relaxing enough. So I would force her to let me do this and it normally knocked her out." I felt my eyes closing but I yanked them open after that, Troy chuckled from my sudden movement as he continued quietly. "Joe told me that Collin didn't touch his food."

"He hasn't touched his food." Troy murmured quietly, I sighed as I planted my head in the middle of the mattress. "Would you damn relax?" I laughed as I twisted over underneath of him and Troy let me as I looked back at him. "I'm a lost cause." I told him, Troy flattened his palms over my hands and then he locked his fingers through mine. "You aren't a lost cause." He told me quietly, "I mean we took a nice hot bath together and then you are doing this and I am still…"

"You are stressed." He said quietly leaning forward to brush his lips over mine; I felt my chest stop moving as he captivated me. He hovered over my lips again, his warm breath causing butterflies to erupt in my lower belly as he let his lips fall onto mine again. He commanded my lips with his own with the slow movements. My arms reached up to wrap around his neck to pull him closer as his tongue swiped my lip.

My lips part as I felt my shoulders give away and I felt the smirk rise over Troy's lips. "See," he whispered pulling back, "Not a lost cause." He rolled onto his back and I covered my eyes as my lower body flamed for attention. "That was rude." I whispered to him, Troy smirked twisting over to press his lips onto the side of my head. "I know," I curled into him though in the middle of the big bed as his arms tightened to pull me in even closer.

I twisted my fingers to spread across his chest while kissing his chin, "Stop," he mumbled as I heard the sleep deep in his voice. "I thought you never turned down sex," I said as I ran my other hand through his shirt until my fingers traced over his hard chest. He inhaled quickly at my touch and I felt my lower body tingle again. "Gabriella," he threatened, I giggled as I rose up on my elbows, "Dr. Bolton," I countered.

"You are exhausted." He told me without opening his eyes, I smiled crawling closer to his lips, "So?" he laughed with exhaustion as he finally opened his eyes to look at me. I could see past the seven layers of exhaustion behind his eyes and I knew what he needed. "Roll over," I commanded, Troy raised his eyebrow and I shot him another look, "Please," I said again and Troy gave me another look before flipping over onto his stomach.

I straddled his back and I began to give him a back massage. Troy let out a soft moan from between his lips as I worked on his back for a while and then I rubbed his temples until his breathing evened out. A soft snore left his mouth as I smiled as I rolled off and kissed his shoulder gently. He had been working day in and day out while I have been worrying about Collin and napping with him. Troy never stopped.

He deserved this rest more than anybody else.

* * *

 _Thursday, April 30_ _th_ _, 2015_

Troy's POV

I picked my head up from the pillow as my head felt stuffy and my eyes couldn't focus on anything around me. I reached for my cell phone on the table as I then remembered that Gabi was here last night as well, something that hadn't happened in a while. I felt a lazy smile roll while I turned my head to the other side of the bed to see she had disappeared. My body pushed off the bed as I reached for my phone again.

My eyes bugged out of my head as it was well past noon. I jumped out of the bed since I had been sleeping for over fourteen hours. I walked down the hall as I listened for Gabi but I didn't hear her. I was going to be pissed if she went back to the hospital. I turned the corner but came to a sudden stop when I saw her cooking in the kitchen with only my shirt covering her ass. Her hair was thrown into the normal messy bun that it lived in for the past several months.

I let my eyes travel down to her legs, as they were perfect while her hips swayed to a song that was playing over the radio. I felt a smile flicker over my face watching her for the next couple of minutes. I let my body lean into the entry way and my arms crossed over my chest in amusement. She didn't notice until she turned around to go to the oven and she must have caught my profile in her peripheral vision.

She jumped and then frowned, "I was making you," she paused and her eyes flickered before finishing, "Brunch in bed." She pouted; I couldn't help but chuckle as I pushed away from the wall with a smile on my face. "Do you want me to go back to bed?" I whispered to her as I went over to wrap my arms around her waist. She nodded her head while biting her lip, "Please, you are ruining my plan." My face broke out into a grin as I kissed her forehead.

"Fine," I fake hurt, "I'll go back to bed mom," she laughed and as I turned she smacked my ass, I jumped and turned to look at her and I wanted to so badly pick her up and carry her over my shoulder to the bedroom. The hint of amusement in her brown eyes and the innocence flickering on her face made my knees weak. All morning stuffiness this morning had completely faded and my senses were alert.

The one flicker of eye movement and I could smell her from across the room. The stand off between the two of us ended once she pointed her finger to the path back to the bedroom. I raised an eyebrow and then inhaled, "You'll pay." I answered as I twisted again but kept giving small glances back to her, as she didn't move. I went out of sight and then went back to the bedroom. I brushed my teeth and used the restroom before crawling back into the bed.

I flipped on the TV and found SportsCenter so I could catch up on every single sport I was missing with working so many hours and spending a lot of time with Collin. The door propped open and Gabi came through but it wasn't the food that I noticed it was that she was completely naked.

Nothing.

Nada.

My dick sprung to life as the faint smell of food filtered the air but I only wanted her.

Only her.

Words wouldn't come off my lips as she came closer to me, my mouth parted at the sight of her but I was sure my lungs were not inflating. "So Dr. Bolton, you have _two_ choices for breakfast this morning," she acted as a hostess carrying the tray and by the flick of her hips I knew at some point in her past that she was a waitress. I knew by the way her wrist held steady to the tray and her eyes were only connected to mine.

"You can either have the bacon, pancakes, and eggs for breakfast," she stopped and puckered her lips out, an involuntary groan passed between my lips and she tried to suspense a smile that she was hiding, "Or Dr. Bolton you can have _me_ for breakfast." Her lashes batted towards me as I growled standing up from my spot in the bed. I removed the plate of food from her hands and then shoved it onto the dresser.

Two seconds after that I had Gabi pinned on the bed with my mouth devouring hers. Her legs wrapped around waist and pulled me down hard onto her. I groaned as she flickered her tongue in my mouth. " _Fuck_ ," I breathed into her mouth and she rolled me over onto my back, "No, No, I am here to provide you with a relaxing morning," she told me with her eyes dancing over my bare chest.

"What does that entail Ms. Montez?" she smirked and leaned over to plant kisses all the way up my chest until she reached my lips, "Wouldn't _you_ like to know."

I laughed but she interrupted it with a kiss. Her mouth controlled mine while my hands wove through her dirty hair that she dropped from the normal messy bun. My hands then roamed down to her ass and she moaned herself.

Oh hell this was exactly what I needed.

* * *

Gabi's POV

Troy took a bite of the bacon as we were tangled among the sheets together and after having a couple rounds of sex we decided that we needed to come up for air and food. Troy moaned eating the bacon, "This is super good." He told me as his blue eyes flashed to my face, the caring look that he provided cause my stomach to drop with an instant. ."I'm glad you like it," I tore off a bite of the cold pancake as I chewed it up.

"What made me deserve this?" he asked me after finishing the strip of bacon; I shrugged my shoulders, my eyes avoiding his. "Gabs," he sang, his finger reached over and picked up my chin. He forced me to meet his blue eyes, "What?" I asked him as I pulled away, he smiled, "You have a reason that you aren't providing." I sighed, "You have been such an amazing boyfriend and lately you have gone above and beyond with what you need to do as a boyfriend."

"What do you mean?" Troy asked for clarification and I played with another bite of pancake, "You work at least twelve hours a day if not more, and then you come to be with Collin for several hours unless you stay the night. You don't sleep hardly if you are in there with me at the same time and I know you don't when you're with Collin. You shouldn't be having to do this." Troy reached over for my hand and he gave it a tight squeeze, "Of course I don't have too Gabs," my eyes flickered to his, "I _want_ too."

I smiled sadly, "I wish we didn't meet like this."

"I wish we didn't either but I got to know you this way. I got to know the ugly part of you. I got to know the beautiful. I got to know every little thing about you. I learned about your sleep deprived side and I got to know you as a mother Gabi," his eyes watched my face for a minute, "And that is the most special side of you Gabi, you are such an amazing mother to Collin. You are graceful, fair, loving, and so kind. You never get angry with him even when he is being rotten." I smiled as tears pooled in my eyes.

"Collin is lucky to have you Gabi, you are lucky to have him." He reached over to wipe a couple of my tears away from underneath of my eyes. "I'm lucky to have somebody as brave and strong as you Gabs," I almost melted into him with that as I crawled into his lap. His big arms wrapped me tightly against him and his lips buried into my hair. "You're an amazing woman." He whispered after another moment and my fingers dug into his arm.

"I love you," I told him as I tilted back to look at him and he smiled brushing his thumb over my hairline. "I love you too Brie,"

* * *

 _Friday, May 1_ _st_ _, 2015_

"I miss him," I declared, Troy smiled as he turned the blinker on to turn into the parking lot of the hospital. I spent my time away from my son but it wasn't easy. I wanted to run several times back to check on him but Joe kept assuring me that everything was going just fine.

"Thank you for these two days," Troy said with a glance over towards me, he flashed his badge through the doctor-parking gate. "I know it isn't easy for you to be away from Collin but I think we both needed those days to remember to breathe again and to just enjoy each others company." I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze as he turned the car off. "I don't know what you are talking about. You basically slept a whole day of it." Troy smirked, "I feel refreshed though."

We both laughed and I leaned over to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss and I let my fingers run through the back of his hair. "Come on, a little boy is waiting to see his favorite mommy," I grinned at that and I pushed open the door. "Did I tell you that today is Superhero day?" Troy asked catching up to me at the elevator. He locked our hands together and I shook my head, "No, Collin will love that." I said with amusement.

"I know he will. Hopefully he is awake enough to notice." I frowned slightly but Troy brushed his free fingers over my mouth, "Don't worry. I bet he'll be cheery." I laughed shaking my head as we got into the elevator. Another doctor was already in there as he acknowledged Troy where he was standing. They had a brief conversation as I leaned into him. His body rumbled with laughter causing my heart to speed up with love.

Once the doors opened to the main level of the hospital, I dragged Troy to the next set of elevators. He waved his badge for them to open and we then made our way to the oncology floor. My heart was growing with giddiness at the excitement of seeing Co after two days apart.

We haven't ever gone this long apart but I knew it was the best for both of us. I needed rest and he needed time with his dad. I smiled once the door opened and we brushed through the beginning check mark of making sure none of us were sick and then the long process of washing our hands. Once I was finally cleared I ran down the hall until I opened his door but I had to step back as tears overwhelmed my eyes.

Collin was sitting up in his bed with a superhero mask and cape on. He looked to be Superman but with a little bit of a twist. The bigger guy was truly Superman and Collin had a smile on his face while looking up at him. They were both talking to each other and Collin giggled. I felt the tears begin to roll when Joe saw me in the doorway. "Collin," Collin looked over at him and then Joe nudged in my direction.

Co turned his head in my direction and then he gasped, "Mommy!" I smiled walking in to the room, he tried to get down but he was tied up with wires and machines still. "I'm coming," I assured him so he would stop struggling; once I made it to his bed he latched his arms around my neck and I squeezed him tightly. The tears didn't stop as I kissed on him, "I missed you," he blubbered underneath of his mask; I smiled kissing his forehead gently.

"I missed you too." He gave me a smile and he stood up, "I'm a superhero mom!" I smiled as he showed me his costume and told me all of his powers. "Superman says that I have the best power of them all!" I arched an eyebrow, "And what is that?" I asked him, "I beat cancer up!" I smiled with a nod as he began to tell me everything else that he had. He told me every little thing and I haven't heard him talk this much since we brought him in.

Joe was smiling at him and I just watched him in amazement. "Troy!" Collin looked over my shoulder and I turned to see Troy leaning against the door. He moved into the room and Collin moved to him. Troy picked him up and Collin began to tell almost the same exact story. Troy laughed and talked to him with amusement dancing in his eyes. "Dr. Bolton," Troy turned because he was supposed to be on shift in ten minutes.

"We have an emergency," Troy glanced at the clock and I knew he was debating internally if he should tell her that he had ten more minutes with us. Ten more minutes that he had of sanity before he pulled on his white coat and became Dr. Bolton. He became a superhero from behind the scenes with always making sure Collin was okay. He was the assist to the bigger superheroes always taking the punches when things go wrong.

That is why it didn't surprise me when Troy smiled briefly and kissed Collin's forehead. "I'll come check on you in a bit buddy, okay?" Collin nodded his head but a brief frown covered his face, Troy saw and he winced at the face. "I know buddy, I know, but I have to go help other kids okay? I have to make sure all of their superpowers are working." Collin nodded and pulled Troy's shirt closer. "I love you Troy,"

Troy wrapped him a little bit tighter in his embrace and laid his cheek on the top of his baldhead. "I love you too buddy," My heart broke at the embrace but when Troy pulled away he was whisked away with the nurse. Joe looked up at me and his eyes flickered to Collin. "I'm glad that you found somebody to love the both of you." He said quietly, I couldn't stop the smile, "He is truly a special man."

"Mom! Spider-man!" Collin screeched from the bed and I smiled turning to see Spider-Man walking down the hallway. "Do you want me get him?" he nodded his head and I looked at him, "I think you're a cooler superhero than Spider-Man," Collin grinned but then he pouted, "I want Spidey!"

I laughed and nodded, he looked a lot better today than he did when I last left him. Joe looked at ease with Collin and I felt better. Superheroes littered the hallway as I went and I grabbed Spider-Man. I told him how much Collin loved Spider-Man and he nodded then disappeared down the hall into Co's room. I looked at the children who were smiling, I watched them laugh and take pictures like for one moment there life was okay.

For one moment they were made special.

For one moment they can pretend that they are whoever they want to be.

My eyes then flickered to behind the nurses' station where Troy was in a heated discussion between three doctors. Nurses kept bring things to them and I saw the true Superheroes of the scene from behind the counter. They made quick choices and were ready to live with the consequences. They didn't think twice, they just did. They had no costumes, just scrubs and coats. They worked to save lives and nothing more.

They were truly amazing.

* * *

 **Wow Long time no update. Sorry guys! May was SUPER busy! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Thanks for the patience and love!**

 **Please Review!**


	31. Happy Dance

Chapter 31 – Happy Dance

" _The harder you struggle, the more glorious the triumph."_

The day I heard my child had cancer, I was counting the days until I was told that he was in remission. That there was no more cancer and that he was cured. I was counting down to a date that didn't have an end in sight. It was a black hole that would get glimpses of light but were quickly taken away with another tumor or with the need for more chemo.

Yet I knew the day would come. Deep down. The day was going to come and I was going to dance in the streets. I was going to praise God for putting me on this battle and letting me come out of the end of it with my son still breathing in my arms. I was going to thank him because I knew there was a purpose to the path that I endeavored and that was to find the man that I loved down deep in my soul. The man that made my stomach erupts with butterflies at a flicker of a smile from him. The man who made my inside melt with one touch.

I would have never met him unless I had to endure the path that I did and I wish my child didn't have to go through what he did to get the man we needed in our life but we did. We did it and we walked through the fire holding hands and came out together. He was strong and handled like a champ.

So I was still waiting on the day that I would be able to stand in the street and scream at the top of my lungs that my baby boy beat cancers ass. I wanted to scream and dance until my lungs stopped working and my legs gave out. I wanted to celebrate.

I wanted to be happy with every aspect of my life.

* * *

 _Wednesday, May 6_ _th_ _, 2015_

I stroked Collin's hand as he had a long night last night between the vomiting and the mouth sores that were all over his mouth. "Gabi!" I turned to see Troy entering the room with Collin's team behind him with a big smile, "Somebody has an immune system," my eyes jumped up to Troy as I jumped from my seat, "What?"

"His counts are rising!"

I felt my breathing constrict as tears filled my eyes, "Oh my god," I whispered, "They started yesterday but we didn't want to get your hopes up so today they almost doubled." I went over to kiss the top of Collin's head as it was working. He was getting better. He was fighting like hell.

I kissed him again and Troy couldn't wipe the grin off his face, "If his counts keep bouncing like that he might be able to go home in the next week or two." Troy glanced at the machine behind him, "He has to get rid of all the medications though. That could take longer than his counts." I nodded with a smile, "But he is getting better?" they all nodded and I couldn't stop the grin coming over my face as I kissed on Collin some more.

"You're doing it buddy,"

"I told you," Troy gave me a smug look and I smiled as I went over to hug him, "Thank you Troy," I kissed him and he smiled, "He's going to be just fine." I grinned and tilted my head back to look at him with a big smile on my face that wasn't leaving my face. It wasn't leaving for a long time.

* * *

 _Wednesday, May 20_ _th_ _, 2015_

I watched the housecleaners scrub the house from top to bottom to rid of every single germ in this house. Collin was coming home tomorrow, _tomorrow,_ after over a month in the hospital with his stem cell transplant. He had killed all of his medications slowly and his body had completely recovered with all of his blood counts returning to normal. We still had to be extremely careful about public places and him doing too much.

I was going to take all of next week off from work and then hopefully return for good. He would continue going to daycare and hopefully everything would return to a sense of normalcy. Troy would continue to work but he already promised to take less shifts to spend time with us at home. I couldn't believe it had only been seven months since Troy and I officially started dating but it had been. In a world it is only a short amount of time but I felt like Troy had been around for a lifetime.

Troy and I were going out tonight while Collin spent some time with his favorite nurses. They were throwing him a kid only party before our big party tomorrow. He would have scans and tests run in the morning and then we would be discharged.

Discharged and hopefully cancer free.

"Gabs," Troy entered the front door kicking off his shoes and bounding up the steps, "Is everything almost done here?" he asked me as he surveyed the cleaning around us. I nodded, "They should be. How was work?" I asked him as I pulled on his shirt to come closer to me, Troy smiled, "It was good. I spent the last thirty minutes entertaining Collin." I grinned, "How is my little man?"

"He is doing really well. He had a sprout of energy while I was in there." I nodded as Troy wrapped his arms around me, "I am having a swing set installed tomorrow morning while we are getting him discharged because I know how much he loves to play outside and I want him to be able to play outside without the fear of germs." I felt tears fill my eyes as I put both of my hands on Troy's cheeks, "I love you so much."

Troy smiled and he wrapped me into a tight hug, "I want him to be happy Gabs," I kissed him square on the lips and pulled him tight against me. "You are the love of my life," I whispered to him, Troy grinned kissing me softly, "I love you too Brie," I brushed my fingers over his cheek and he backed away from me with a smile, "Okay," he said with a smile, "You need to go get ready to leave, we have a date tonight."

I nodded as I turned to kiss him again when Troy slid his hand down my body, "Wear something nice," he whispered into my ear, I tilted up to look at him and I nodded, "Are we going somewhere fancy," Troy smiled and I kissed him softly, "Alrighty," I told him as I patted his chest. I walked to our bedroom and I peeked into Collin's brand new room that Troy had painted and put together for a surprise tomorrow.

We had painted it navy blue with an orange strip while hanging a big football on the wall. We had a new bed pushed up against the wall with a little TV sitting on a dresser in front of it. He had some of his favorite toys in his room along with a little table that he could sit at. His dresser was on the other side of the wall and I smiled just looking at the room. He will absolutely love it and I couldn't wait for him to come home tomorrow.

There was still a long process to get him completely back to normal and it was going to be based on his tests tomorrow on what is next. I brushed my fingers through my hair as I went to the bedroom as I tried to figure out what I should wear tonight. I spied through my closet until I pulled out my maroon dress. I walked into the bathroom as I pulled my other clothes off and then replaced it with the maroon dress that didn't hug my kiss and flowed down to mid-thigh. I touched up my make-up that I started earlier today and then pulled my hair into a messy bun.

"Gabs, are you about done?" Troy asked I pulled on a long necklace as it rested in the middle of my stomach. "Yes! One second!" I put on deodorant and then walked out as I slipped on a pair of ankle boots. I grabbed my purse that was lying on the dresser and went down the hall. Troy was sitting in the living room as he was paying the maids that came through and cleaned the housetop to bottom.

"Ready?" Troy asked as he turned to look at me, his mouth dropped slightly and he let a grin slip over his face, "Just kidding. Turn around and back to the bedroom," Troy said with a hint of amusement. I shook my head with a laugh, "Sorry buster, I just spent time getting ready. You have to enjoy it for at least a little bit."

A smile appeared and he nodded his head, "I think I can handle that." He pulled me in and he kissed me on the forehead. "C'mon, we have reservations," I raised an eyebrow, "Wow, are we celebrating something?" I asked, Troy gave me a teasing grin, "We're celebrating something big tonight babe," I laughed and nodded, "Really?" he nodded as he clasped his hand with mine while leaning over to kiss my temple.

He opened my car door for me and then I slid in while buckling my seatbelt up tight. Troy slid into the other side while I took a look at his outfit. He wore a pair of medium washed jeans with a pair of grey Chukka boots and a black button down shirt. The shirt was rolled up to his elbows as his tan was already defined from the May sun that was nice and warm already. "You look good yourself," I said as I picked up his free hand.

Troy smiled over at me, "Thanks, it is not too often that I dress nice for something other than work." I squeezed his hand, "I really enjoy seeing you like this at the hospital," I told him, this caused Troy to jerk his head to look over at me, and then right back to the road. I giggled from my seat and Troy smiled, "You are in such a good mood."

"My baby is coming _home_ tomorrow. I don't know why I wouldn't be excited." Troy gave me one more smile before he fully paid attention to the road. I turned the radio up while we continued to drive on the highway until we reached the outskirts of Denver. He pulled into a little restaurant with a packed parking lot. He shut the car off and we both slid out as I went to the front to grab his hand again. We walked inside and a romantic glow echoed through the building.

Christmas lights were hung from the ceiling and all the lighting was dimmed to provide the romance setting. The tables had flickering candles with white tablecloths. There was a lack of children spilled throughout the building. The waiter guided us through the tables and towards the back corner of the room. Troy stopped after the waiter and pulled my chair out, I felt my cheeks turn pink from the gesture while I sat down quickly.

Troy moved to the other side of the table while taking a seat in front of me, the waiter brought a bottle of wine and Troy thanked him as he poured us each a glass. "Somebody is getting all fancy pants tonight," I said with a glowing smirk, Troy nodded, "I am," he told me with a wink, "I told you, we are celebrating."

"Yea, I know, my little guy comes home tomorrow," Troy let a big grin slip over his face, "Yes, he does but I have bigger news," Troy whispered leaning forward, "What is it?" he shook his head, "First we enjoy our meal and then we can celebrate," he said as he opened his menu, "That is such a tease," Troy smiled, "I promise. You'll want to wait, okay?" I finally just nodded as I browsed the menu carefully trying to decide what I wanted to eat.

I ended up choosing a chicken entrée with a mushroom sauce and a green vegetable. The waiter came over and took the menus from us after taking our order. Troy reached over and locked my fingers with his and he smiled, "What is your plans for you and Co this week?"

A smile spread over my lips, "We are going to spend a day in the house getting settled and then we are going to play outside until he needs a nap. We'll cuddle in a bed bigger than a hospital bed and we'll eat any food that he asks for." Troy smoothed his finger over my hand, "I work tomorrow and then on Friday. I don't work Thursday though, if we want to go out and do something together."

"Maybe we can go visit your family?" Troy perked up at those words and he smiled, "Maybe,"

Our dinner came soon after that and Troy filled the wine glasses up one more time, "What do you have planned for Collin's birthday?" Troy asked me, I sighed, "I'm not sure. He will be turning four and I figured we could just do a little something with family and his close friends. I don't want to do anything too big because I don't want to compromise his health." Troy nodded, "But I bet he'll want a Bronco's cake and then to just play in the backyard. That is all I need to make him happy."

Troy took a bite of my food and he thought about it, "We could have everybody over to our house for a nice barbeque, we can have a little party outback while Collin, Ryan, and Kale can play in the backyard while the adults have a couple of drinks with some good food?" I felt a smile pull over my lips, "Troy, that sounds amazing. Collin would absolutely love that."

"He deserved to be celebrated Gabi," I felt tears pool in my eyes just thinking about the last year that Collin had endured. Just about this time a year ago our lives began to slowly change before our eyes. He had sense fought and gotten through some of the hardest points in his little life. "Hey, you okay?" Troy asked as he touched my hand gently, I nodded as I wiped away a couple of tears. "I know how much Collin should be celebrated getting to another birthday because he has fought so hard. He is trying to beat cancer and it makes me so happy to think that he is seeing his fourth birthday."

Troy paid for the check and left a decent tip for the waiter. We got up from our spot as I continued to ramble about Collin's cancer, we made it outside and I folded my hand with Troy as we walked around the outskirts of the building. Troy then pulled me back into a little garden area that was beautiful with strung lights and a little bench overlooking the mountains in the distance. Troy took a seat and I sat down next to him.

Troy looked at me and he smiled, "Gabs," my eyes held his and I could see his own tears forming in his eyes which caused me to turn my head slightly to look at him, "Troy," I said softly, he smiled after a moment and cleared his throat, "We ran Collin's tests _today,"_ I felt my body tighten because Troy was upset and I felt my body grow ridged, I shook my head and Troy laughed, "Brie," he said as he leaned over to tilt my head to face him.

"Collin is in remission," the words left his mouth and a gasp inflated my lungs, I covered my face with my hands as the tears started to pour out of my eyes as relief filled my shoulders. Troy got up and I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder, he gave me a squeeze around my body as I felt his own tears, "I wanted to scream from the rooftops when I saw his report fall on my desk today Gabs,"

The tears didn't stop as I then started to laugh, "My baby beat cancer," Troy nodded with a big smile as he wiped my tears away with the pad of his thumb, "He still has a long road ahead of him but he is going to be just fine Gabs," I laughed hugging Troy tightly again around his neck and then I wrapped my arms around his waist kissing him square on the lips. "I love you so much Troy, I love you," he laughed kissing me back, "I love you too Gabi,"

I got down and I felt a laugh leave my throat as I held onto my face, "He is really in remission?" I asked Troy nodded his head as he sat back down pulling out a piece of paper and he gave it to me. I looked at the report as I read over the highlighted part across the bottom. I laughed hugging the paper to my chest when I looked up at Troy again who was smiling at me. "I pictured this day, me telling you Collin was in remission so differently."

"What do you mean?" I asked him, "I never thought I would be sitting in a restaurant and that I would be in tears because I achieved the greatest goal of mine. I didn't let him slip through my fingers into a different pile of papers. I imagined bringing you to my office and sitting you down, I normally start out with a little comment about my patient's child and they are nervous after those scans. I tell them that I got the results and when I tell them there child is in remission, I get the same response that you just gave me." He paused with a tiny smile flickering onto his face, "But I have this overwhelming pride and love watching you cry about your son finally beating cancer. I feel like I need to pound my chest because I know I did something right along the way."

He grabbed my hand and stroked it with his thumb, "I never thought I would love you like I love you Gabi," I smiled and he nudged the papers, "There is one other thing on the bottom of the second page," I gave him a curious look as I picked up the papers and flipped to the second page. I glanced down for the highlighted portion and it was highlighted in blue.

In big block letters I read the next sentence as tears formed in my eyes again.

 _Will you marry me?_

I felt the gasp work through my system as I glanced up to see Troy had moved and was now sitting on one knee, I put my hands over my lips as Troy grinned, "Brie, like I just said, I could have never imagined loving you like I love you. I love you. I love Collin. I love you guys so much and I cried like a baby when I saw that Collin was officially in remission with no evidence of disease anywhere in his body after a stem cell transplant because I love him and I love you, so Brie, will you please marry me?" I laughed and nodded my head as I tried to stop the tears, Troy grinned as he slipped the ring onto my finger. I could see my hands shake and I laughed looking at him because I was engaged to Troy Bolton.

We both stood up and I wrapped my arms around him, "I love you so much," I whispered into his ear as I held the back of his neck, "I love you, I love you," he laughed and gave me a tight squeeze, "I love you too, I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with you by my side." I laughed wiping away the tears as he pulled me into an earth-shattering kiss. My knees weakened underneath of me and I held onto Troy a little bit tighter.

"You weren't joking when you said we were celebrating tonight." Troy shook his head with a laugh, "I have been waiting to ask you to marry me because I need you in my life forever but I didn't want to do it during the worst moments you'll experience so this right here is the start of the beginning for the future. It is the beginning for our new relationship, the beginning for Collin, it is the beginning of a brighter future."

I laughed and locked my arms around him again, "I am so excited for our future Troy, so excited," I pressed my hands to his face as I kissed him again and I couldn't contain the giggle deep inside of me. "Can we go home please?" I whispered into his ear, "Because there are so many things I need to do with you right now." Troy grinned like a cat with a mouse, "Fuck yes Brie, we can go home."

* * *

The moon sparkled through the bedroom as I looked over at my fiancée who was sleeping soundly next to me after celebrating our engagement. I couldn't stop the grin as I pulled my ring in front of my face to get my first good look at my beautiful engagement ring.

It was a round diamond with stones all around the outside on a thin-traditional band. It was beautiful and simple, exactly what I would have asked for if I had an opinion. I rolled onto my side as I stroked the side of Troy's face with my thumb completely in a state of bliss from the last nine hours of my life. I went from finding out that my child was cancer free to getting engaged to a man that I fell head over heels in love with from the moment I laid eyes on him.

Troy shifted and I curled closer to him as I pressed my lips to his temple while I kissed on him again, "I love you," I whispered to him, he smiled while shifting his arms to move around me. "We have to get up in the morning to see our little guy," Troy whispered, I smiled tilting my head, "I can't sleep. I am so excited for bringing him home that I can't really sleep." Troy kissed me softly while opening those blue eyes up for me to see.

"Then I can start planning a beautifully small wedding to the love of my life," I said pulling his hand into mine, "I like the sound of that." I kissed him again and Troy closed his eyes once more as I rubbed his lower back. What Troy didn't mention was that he had the early shift of work tomorrow to get in and prepare Collin's discharge papers first. I shoved my ring back down my finger as I kept rotating it while trying to will myself to sleep.

I found my cell phone as I sent a text to Sam; she sent a reply back, which didn't surprise me because Sam was always up at weird hours. I squirmed out of bed as I walked out onto the balcony in Troy's room and sat on the chair. I pulled my legs up to my chest as I called her, "Hey! What are you doing awake?" she asked, I smiled, "I couldn't sleep. I am really happy to bring Collin home tomorrow morning."

"I am so happy for you Gabi, you sound happy." I laughed tilting my head back, "I am so happy. Sam, what are you doing awake?" she laughed, "I am up with Grant. We have just been talking tonight." I smiled thinking of her relationship with Grant, "Sam, do you think you could do me a huge favor?"

"Of course Gabi! What is it?" I couldn't stop the smile growing on my face, "Will you be my maid of honor?" there was silence from the other side of the phone, "Wait did…" she screamed after that, "Did he propose to you?" I laughed and nodded my head, "Yes, tonight, I know, I should have told you in person but I needed to tell somebody." She laughed, "Oh my god, Gabi! I am so happy for you!" I smiled looking up at the sky.

"Everything is turning the right direction Sam,"

"You deserve it girl,"

I felt my stomach turn with happiness and I sighed, "I'll let you get back to Grant,"

"Gabi?" Sam questioned, "Yea?" I answered.

"Of course I'll be your maid of honor."

* * *

 _Thursday, May 21_ _st_ _, 2015_

I stepped into the hospital room and Collin was sitting up on his bed with his favorite toys surrounding him along with some of his favorite nurses. "Good morning," I sang, Collin looked over and I grinned, I jumped over to him and wrapped him tightly into my arms. "How was your night buddy?"

"Good! I got to play games, we had ice cream, and stay up late!" I rose an eyebrow, "Did you?" he nodded and I smiled kissing his forehead, "I'm glad you had a good night buddy," he sat back down and continued to play as I ran my hand over his baldhead again. A knock came at the door and Troy appeared with a smile, we were both grinning fools this morning as we couldn't stop smiling and laughing with each other.

"Co, are you ready to go home?" Troy asked him, Collin nodded as Troy came in super early to see him when he got to work. Collin stood up and nodded is head up and down a thousand times, "Yes please! I want to go play outside!" I smiled running my fingers through my hair, "We can do that." I told him with a smile, "Am I all better now?" he asked looking up at Troy, Troy couldn't suspense a grin, "You are a lot better now Collin,"

"Am I going to die?" he asked quietly, I frowned as my stomach sank, I sat down next to him and hugged him tightly, "No sweet boy, you are not going to die. You are going to be strong and healthy. Your hair is going to grow back and you will get to do everything all other kids will get to do." He smiled up at me as I kissed the top of his baldhead, "Hopefully we don't have to visit Troy much on the hospital floor either."

Troy smiled at us and he picked Collin up, "I think we can request a wagon to come pick up all of these toys," Collin grinned as Troy took him to the nurses station to help request a wagon to gather all of our stuff. I looked around the hospital room that was decorated from wall to wall with pictures that either Collin, me, or a nurse has drawn for him. There are pictures of footballs and stuffed animals littered the room.

His toys sat in ever nook in this room as I started to slowly collect them. Collin came running back into the room with Troy's badge in his hands, he giggled running into my legs as Troy slowly followed behind with a smile on his face, "Co, bud, I need my badge back."

Collin shook his head and laughed again, I smiled at Troy as he came closer and bent over to pick him up. Collin squealed with laughter as Troy tickled his sides as his badge fell to the floor. I swooped it up and Troy continued to tickle Collin. The laughter that was spilled from the room warmed my heart from the bottom up. Troy squeezed him in a hug after that and Collin rested his head on Troy's shoulder.

"When will you be home?" he asked in his tiny voice, Troy sighed rubbing his back, "I'll be home tonight buddy, I don't work tomorrow though, okay?" Collin nodded and Troy put him down onto the bed. I went over to Troy and I clipped his badge to his jacket, I then pulled him in as I gave him a kiss. "I'll be late tonight but nothing tomorrow," I nodded as I kissed him again, "I love you,"

"I love you too," he said with a tiny smile flickering over his lips, "I love you too."

* * *

Collin opened the door to his new room and he gave me a huge grin, "Mommy! Is this my forever room?" I felt the tears gather in my eyes and I nodded my head, "This is your forever room buddy," he went and jumped onto his bed as the picture of him and Payton Manning was blown up on the wall across from him. He grinned looking at it as his eyes scanned the room around him. I went to sit on the bed next to him and I watched him as he smiled.

"How are you feeling big guy?" I asked him, he gave me a smile, "I'm okay mommy," I pulled him into my arms, "Do you want Kale and Ryan to come play with you for a little bit?" I asked him, he nodded his head, as he had not been able to see his friends since he went into the hospital a month ago. I kissed the top of his head as I took him back downstairs where he got his toys out. My phone rang and I picked it up to answer it, "Hello?"

"Gabi, hey,"

"Joe, how are you?" I asked nicely, "Good, did you get the results back?" I smiled looking over at Collin, "Yes, he is in remission." I said with a big grin, "Gabi, that is fantastic! Oh my God! How is he doing?" I smiled leaning against the back wall, "He is playing right now. He has been laughing and smiling all morning."

"That is great," he smiled, Joe then cleared his throat, "Does this mean we can bring the issue of custody up?" I felt my heart skip a beat and my color drain from my face, "Joe, Collin still has a long road in front of him." I felt my lips stutter with fear, "Gabi, when will he not be in the clear?" he asked, I felt my heart race as tears filled my eyes, "Joe, I can't lose him. I almost lost him right now. I can't do it again."

A complete panic washed over me as I walked upstairs away from Collin. "Gabi, why are you freaking out?" he asked me gently, "I just wanted to know what we can talk about it. I just want to see my son more and we have to figure it out since I live in California." I pressed my fingers to my eyes and I inhaled deeply, "Joe, today is a really, really good day so can we please not talk about this right now. I know that you want to see him more but I am not ready to have this discussion."

"Did something else happen?"

I played with the ring on my finger, "Troy and I got engaged last night." I said quietly to him, "Oh, congrats Gabi!" I smiled, "Thank you Joe,"

"I'll call you next week and maybe we can talk about this more?" I felt my gut tighten and I nodded, "Okay," I said back to him, "Okay."

I hung up the phone after that and went downstairs as Sam and Mariah pulled into the driveway. I went to open the door as Ryan and Kale came running in first to find their friend. Collin giggled with joy as his two friends entered the room and they quickly picked up where they left off. Mariah and Sam were close behind as Sam squealed grabbing me into a hug. "Congrats!" she yelled and I laughed hugging her back tightly.

"Congrats on Collin too!" she said with a smile, Mariah gave off a funny look, "What? What else should she be congratulated on?" I pulled up my hand and Mariah gasped with a big laugh, "Oh my god! He proposed to you!" I nodded with a big smile on my face and she pulled me into a tight hug. "Oh you two are perfect for each other." She laughed, "Since I asked Sam here to be my maid of honor, would you be my second maid of honor?"

Mariah grinned and nodded, "Oh yes! Please!" I hugged her and we all laughed together, "But also congrats on Collin! That is huge news!" I smiled and welcomed them inside the house while we went to sit with the boys in the living room. "Okay, you have to spill all of the details!" Mariah claimed sitting down on the couch, I followed suit as I told them all about my evening last night. From the romantic dinner choice and that followed by the little garden behind the restaurant that he delivered the biggest news of my life.

Followed by the biggest question in my life.

"Oh the romantic he is," Sam said collapsing backwards with a big smile, "We are going to his parents house tomorrow for dinner to announce it though. We are telling Collin tonight after dinner when Troy will most likely be home." The girls provided smiles and they filled me in on everything that I had missed since being in the hospital with my little man. I watched Collin play while I continued to talk and chat with the girls.

"He looks good Gabi," I smiled at his tiny frame that needed to be filled with food but he was looking better. He had color to his face and his smile was normal. Those eyes were rich with color and alive with happiness. I twirled my engagement ring again and smiled, "Guys, I couldn't be happier." They all laughed and I smiled hugging each of them because I was so damn happy.

* * *

Collin rested against me while we watched a movie on the big TV in our bedroom. Troy had texted saying he was running behind but he wanted to see Collin before he went to bed. I kept him awake with his favorite movie while he enjoyed a bowl of ice cream.

I heard the garage door lift and I smiled as Collin sat up hearing it too. It only took minutes before Troy was in the bedroom with a worn out smile on his face. "There are my favorite people." I smiled as Collin jumped up and wrapped himself around Troy in a big hug. Troy closed his eyes with a smile rocking him in his arms. "Did you have a good day Co?"

"Yes! I got to play with my friends and eat ice cream!" Troy smiled at him and I felt my eyes battling, "Collin, remember what we talked about a while ago when mommy was home sleeping?" I looked over at Troy as he winked at me, "You wanted to marry mommy!" he cheered with a smile, "I want to marry your mommy, is that okay?" he asked him again, Collin grinned, "Mommy! Will you marry Troy please!" I laughed sitting up and I nodded, "I'll marry Troy,"

Collin cheered and Troy laughed winking at me again, I smiled as Troy put Collin back onto the bed, "Co, you cuddling with us tonight?" Troy asked him, Collin grinned looking over at me, "If you want too or if you want to sleep in your extra cool room?" Collin shook his head as he buried his head into my stomach. I laughed running my hand over the back of his head as Troy went to change. I turned my lamp off as Collin and I climbed underneath the blankets.

Troy shut the door to his room and then he shut the lights off crawling onto the bed. He collapsed down almost on top of Collin causing giggles to escape from his mouth. Troy grinned kissing the back of his head before rolling flat onto his back. He then propped himself up and leaned over to kiss me softly, "How was your day?" he asked me quietly, "It was good. I was glad to have Collin in the house with me."

Collin snuggled between us and I rolled onto my side as did Troy, "How was your work day?" I asked him with a smile, he shrugged, "It was a lot more productive today," I laughed and Troy smiled, "Joe called me today," I said quietly as I looked at Collin who was almost asleep. "About?" I looked down at Collin as I couldn't stop the tears this time, "Custody," Troy's face softened at the words and I felt my lip quiver.

"It scares me," I confessed and Troy rolled out of bed as he came over to my side, I rolled his direction and eased me up as he pulled me into his arm. "I am sorry. That had to ruin the buzz about these past couple of days," I nodded my head as I exhaled willing my tears to disappear. "He didn't mean to upset me, he was just asking when we could discuss plans for him to take part in his life but I don't want to lose him."

Troy kissed the side of my head as he held me close, "I'll call him tomorrow and I'll talk to him okay?" I shook my head, "He deserves to see his son but we need to figure it out. I just don't want to figure it out." Troy brushed his fingers through my hair and then kissed my temple, "I'm sorry Brie, and we'll figure it out together though okay?" I nodded kissing him again and then gave him a tight hug. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

 _Friday, May 22_ _nd_ _, 2015_

Collin rested against me as we watched a TV show early in the morning. He had poked me awake at six this morning programmed to nurses waking him up that early. He flipped through the channels while I tried to stop a yawn that was sitting in my chest. Collin turned back to look at me and I provided a smile. "Momma, what are we going to do today?" He asked me with his brown eyes poking up at me.

"Today, we are going to spend some time with Troy and then go see his family for dinner tonight. Is that okay?" Collin nodded his head up and down while I brushed my hand down his arm. "Mom?"

"Yes?" I asked him again, "Can Lucy and Jack be my grandpa and grandma?" he asked in his sweet voice as the words came out in his true fashion of talking. I felt shocked by his request until he explained it to me. "Kale always talks about his grandpa and he said they are old. Lucy and Jack are old." I laughed and I felt like they would be highly amused by his sweet comment. "We'll ask them tonight buddy. Okay?" Collin nodded his head again and went back to watching the TV screen in front of his eyes. When Collin slid onto the floor to play I stood up stretching my arms and walked into the kitchen to begin preparing for breakfast.

I moved around the kitchen as I made Collin eggs and pancakes to eat along with his favorite chocolate milk. "Collin, do you want a banana or strawberries for breakfast?" I walked to the railing and peered over to see him contemplating on his choice. "Strawberries!" He final decided I smiled returning to finish his breakfast. Once it was complete I put it on the table and called him to come to the kitchen. He bounced right in and took a seat in his chair. "Thank you mommy!" I nodded with another smile as I put the banana into a blender followed by peanut butter and almond milk to make a breakfast smoothie.

I blended it when I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist, "Morning baby," he whispered into my ear; I smiled as I leaned back so he can kiss me. He smiled as his face pressed into my cheek. His whiskers tickled my neck and I laughed, "Morning T," he squeezed my waist as I poured the smoothie out into a glass and turned to give it over to Troy. "Co, tell your mommy that she is the best." He said locking eyes with me. "Momma is the best!" Co shouted and I smiled shaking my head as I pulled out a bowl of fruit for me to enjoy.

Troy yawned next to me causing me to yawn, "What time did you guys get up this morning? I never heard you." Troy asked, I shrugged my shoulders, "Six?" Troy nodded as he went over to sit next to Collin. They talked for a couple of minutes at the table about the dreams they both had last night. I was amused by the conversation as they talked back and forth with more excitement between each word.

"Collin, did mommy show you the backyard yesterday?" Collin shook his head, "No!" I laughed looking over at him, "I waited for you Troy. I wanted you to be here." Troy grinned as he pushed away from the table as Troy picked up Collin from his chair and his almost empty breakfast plate. Troy opened the backyard to the deck when I heard Collin giggle and squeal. "Mommy!" I walked out with a laugh as he pointed at the playground. "Slide! Swing!" I nodded as he wiggled from Troy's embrace and ran down the steps. Troy grinned as he pulled me into his side.

"He loves it," I said as I watched him climb to the top with a big smile on his face. Troy and I watched him play for a couple more seconds when I leaned in closer to Troy, "He asked me if your parents could be his grandparents." Troy arched an eyebrow in question, "Where did that come from?" he asked with pure curiosity. "I believe it came from him hanging out with Kale yesterday. Kale has been spending more time with his grandparents lately. I guess he described them as being 'older'." Troy laughed and I smiled, "He doesn't have any true grandparents but your parents have to be comfortable with it."

Troy smiled, "I bet they would love it." I grabbed Troy's arm and I gave him a quick kiss on the jaw as he kissed me softly. "I love you," he whispered, "I love you too. Thank you for making my little man so happy," we both turned our attention to Collin slide down slide with a big smile on his face and absolutely nothing could take away from how happy he was in this moment right now.

* * *

Troy walked inside with Collin's hand tightly between his while I carried in the dessert that we had all made together. Sammy and Marcus were already here with their new partners in crime. Once we stepped through the door Collin was quickly swept up in Lucy's embrace. During his hospital stay Troy's entire family were always frequent fliers in the hospital room through his entire stem cell transplant. They were in and out growing closer to both Collin and I. Collin grew extremely close with Lucy while she knew exactly how to make a little kid smile during such a hard time.

"Will you be my grandma?" he asked her in that sweet voice that I couldn't get enough of when he spoke. Lucy laughed and nodded her head with a big smile on her face, "Of course Collin, I would love to be your grandma." Collin giggled and hugged her tightly. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when his short legs took him over to Jack. "Hi buddy!" Jack picked him up as he did the same thing with Jack. "Will you be my papa?" Jack looked up at us and I couldn't help but smile as tears filled my eyes. Troy's family was so accepting with Collin and I loved it. "Of course little man, I would love to be your papa." Jack gave him a big hug as Sammy came into the room. "What is going on in here?"

"SAMMY!" Collin giggled running to her and Sammy picked him up in a giant hug. Collin loved Sammy almost as much as he loved Troy, which was more than he loved me most likely. His whole family got to learn to love Collin like Troy and I did. They learned every little thing about him and what he loved or hated. They learned him just like I know him. "Troy, Gabi, Co, meet my boyfriend Austin." Troy greeted him and I smiled as Marcus followed in with his girlfriend Annie. We had met about two weeks ago and she was very nice. We began to help around the kitchen with Lucy directing us. Troy snuck over and kissed the back of my neck leaning in to whisper into my ear. "Should we do it now?" I nodded with a laugh tilting back so he could kiss me. Troy grinned and gave me that kiss.

Troy and I watched his parents for a moment before Troy cleared his throat, "Ma, Dad," he declared and they turned to look at Troy. Troy rubbed the back of his neck like he always did when he grew nervous. "Gabs and I are getting married!" he told them with a big smile blooming over his face. Jack and Lucy digested the information before beaming with pride as they pulled us into hugs of joy. "Oh my god! Troy! Gabi!" she laughed and hugged us a little bit tighter. Sammy was next and I smiled as she hugged me tightly, "He told me a while ago and I could not be more excited for you to become apart of this family."

I smiled as I gave her a tight hug back, Marcus wrapped me up and he shook his head, "I didn't think my little brother had it in him." I balked with laughter as Troy shoved Marcus playfully. I grinned as we gathered all of the food and started to pile the plates up high. Troy then began to tell the story of the proposal as I butted in along the way telling from both points of view. While we ate and drank some glasses of wine my ring was examined and we all laughed with happiness.

Once Collin was done I turned on a movie in the living room for him to watch while we sat and talked. I was more excited to report the next part of the news than anything. "Collin is in remission," I blurted with a big ass grin, the grin that I would never let go of because my little guy kicked cancers ass. A gasp worked through the table as more hugs and tears were shed for such happy news that was received.

"He is going to live such a long healthy life!" Lucy said with a big smile, "I sure hope so! I can't lose my little guy any time soon." Troy squeezed my knee and we all caught up on each other's lives after the past several weeks. Troy and I had mostly spent time at the hospital so we were behind on everything. We were able to hear about Sammy's new job and how Marcus and Annie met at Sammy's old job. Troy got to spend quality time with his parents as we both shared gazes throughout the night. "Troy and Gabi, this may be too soon but what our your thoughts on a wedding?" Lucy asked with excitement. I shook my head; "We are talking about just a small wedding with our closest family and friends. I don't have much family anyways so it would just be my friends for me."

"We are your family," Jack piped in quickly, Troy looked up at his dad with a smile, "You will always have us as a family so don't say you don't have one." I felt my heart bleed with happiness as absolutely everything was falling into play around me. I gave Troy a smile as I leaned into him and Troy glanced at his brother, "Dude, you going to be my best man or what?" Marcus grinned and nodded his head with a big smile on his face. "Sammy, I would love for you to be one of my bridesmaids."

Sammy squealed causing Austin to laugh as she came over to wrap her arm around my neck, "please, please, please," I laughed hugging her tightly. I let her go as I watched her return to her spot across the way, as I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I could stand up on the table and dance my ass off because I was so _happy._ I couldn't imagine my life without these people in them, I couldn't imagine moving forward without Collin.

Every single time that I looked at Troy smiling I felt my stomach flutter with happiness. Every time he gazed my arm I felt even happier. Every time his lips touched mine my stomach dropped and I only wanted to lock a door. Troy Bolton was a saving grace. Troy made me so happy.

I couldn't imagine not being this happy with the people that I love. I love Troy. I love his family. I love my son so much that it breaks my heart to see him struggle but now he is happy. He is smiling and laughing and I just wanted to dance until my feet fell off. I wanted to dance around with these people and laugh until my stomach hurt so badly that I needed to laugh because it hurt. Last August I would have pissed myself laughing if you told me that I was going to be this happy in May.

I would have never believed I would be head over heels in love with my fiancée.

I would have never believed my son would be in remission.

I would have never thought that I would have found another family.

Never did I think I would be this happy.

* * *

 **WHOA…I know. I updated twice within a week. Freaking. Shocker.**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It was fun to write!**

 **Thanks for the love and patience!**

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	32. Finally Four

Chapter 32 – Finally Four

" _Your birthday is the happiest day of my life."_

Four was always the number I counted to when I was stressed any time in my life. I would take four deep breaths because three was just never enough and five would be too many so I always took four. I would breathe in and out until I relaxed and I could focus again on what I was having trouble with. When I would finally hit four I would open my eyes and try again.

Sometimes I needed more than four but most of the time it worked. When law school was rough or I was having trouble with a question on any of my exams I counted to four and tried again. When I found out I was pregnant I counted to four before I let myself lose my shit. When my dad died I counted to four and then completely lost it next to his hospital bed. When my mom died was the only time I couldn't count to four and be completely okay.

I couldn't process when my mom died and counting to four was never enough. When Collin would throw a temper tantrum in Target I counted to four and then I made a fast choice on how to handle the situation before it got out of hand. It normally always worked and now that I have a four-year old who kicked cancers ass I can only assume that this year will be full of great adventures and stunning memories.

I can only imagine the way you'll grow, as you'll always have a dad figure.

I can only imagine how much more beautiful, special, and stronger you'll be by the time you turn five.

This next year of celebrating how amazing you are Collin. You are my life. Ever since that day in the hospital room when they laid your little, wet, body onto my chest I was in love. I was in love with you and your little infant cry. You are my life Collin Montez.

You are it.

* * *

 _Saturday, June 20_ _th_ _, 2015_

I rolled in the bed as I reached over for Troy and he groaned as I nestled my body closer to his. "You have got to stop waking up this early," I smiled as I started kissing on his jaw as he flexed his arms around me, "Gabi," he mumbled into my hair and I laughed holding onto him. "I would have never pegged you to be a morning person." I reached up to kiss him again and I finally got a glimpse of those blue eyes.

He smiled brushing his lips against mine again; "I've been a morning person since going back to work." I said running my fingers down his abs as today was Collin's birthday party at the house with Troy's family and all of our friends. Joe was even in town for the celebration of our now four year old. I felt my stomach float with butterflies because the last month had been bliss. We still had plenty of appointments at the hospital but nothing too much.

We were waiting to get his port removed for a few more months as he was still having frequent labs run still and we were just staying on the safe side. Troy said it would most likely come out around August after a hundred days post transplant. Troy brushed his fingers through my hair as he pulled me into another kiss that I deepened aggressively with Troy pulling me closer. "I could get used to a morning person."

I smirked pulling away as I sat up reaching for a t-shirt. "C'mon, we need to get ready for your family and our friends." Troy nodded with a smile while we both got up. I pulled on a pair of shorts as I walked out into the hallway and quickly went to the coffee machine. I began to brew coffee while getting stuff out for breakfast. Troy and I had formed a nice routine with each other since I returned back to my full status as a lawyer.

I was taking clients again and working in the courtroom. We coordinated our schedules fairly well so Collin was always picked up by four o'clock. For Troy that normally meant pulling at least on twenty-four hour shift over the weekend to make up for extra hours but it was all working out. But in the mornings when we both went to work we got up and we each enjoyed a cup of coffee together on the back deck while we get some alone time with each other.

Then Troy would prepare Collin's breakfast while I got him up and ready for the morning. We then all ate something together, Troy normally only had yogurt but Collin would eat a full meal. We would then grab our things, refill the coffee cups, and walk out the door as a family. Troy and I would take turns taking Collin to daycare and we would spend our days at work. Sometimes we were able to sneak in a lunch together but most of the time we didn't see each other until we got home.

When I had court days, Troy mostly worked on the floor and always left by four to pick up Collin. When he had long clinical days I made sure I avoided having court but if it didn't work out then we had Sammy or Marcus spend some time with him. It was all working really well and I was in love with it.

I loved being back at work and in the courtroom, I loved my morning time with Troy, and I loved becoming a family. Troy came in slipping his arm over my shoulder while kissing the top of my head. "Go get comfy. I'll bring your coffee out." I smiled with a nod as I walked out the back door onto the deck while I moved to my chair pulling my legs up to my chest. Troy came out the sliding door moments later following me with a tiny smile as he handed me a coffee mug that Collin made me for Mothers Day.

"Thank you,"

He leaned back into the chair with a smile, "You're welcome." He reached over and grabbed my hand as he began to mess with my ring on my finger. "Do you have a date in mind?" he asked quietly, I looked up at him and I shrugged, "I don't know. Is there a good time for you? Do you have seasons?" Troy smirked and shook his head, "We don't have seasons. What about you?" he asked leaning back to toss me one of those smiles.

"It gets kinda crazy around the holidays," Troy cracked another smile and I laughed, "What about September or October?" I asked him, "We aren't doing anything fancy, just a simple ceremony with our family and friends." Troy gave me one of those lazy smiles and he nodded, "G, I don't really care when we get married. I just _need_ you in my life for the rest of your life." I let my thumb stroke his hand that I held in my grasp, "I'd be okay running to the court house today," I told him with a smirk.

Troy released a big laugh as he got up setting his coffee down on the table and slid over to my chair where his hand ran down my thigh. "My mom may not look mean but she would not be very happy if I just went to the court house to get married." I reached up to run my fingers through his hair and I nodded, "I know. My mom would have been pissed at me too." Troy lowered to kiss the top of my head while rubbing the side of my arm.

"I just want to call you my wife," I tilted up to look at him again and he looked content and happy with the moment that life gave him. "And you're okay with us never having kids?" I asked quietly, I wasn't sure if this subject was sore or if he had come to accept it. Troy closed his eyes for a brief moment and he nodded his head, "I would love to have children with you Gabi but if that doesn't make you comfortable then I will be perfectly okay with not because I don't need children. I have you. I have Collin."

His strong fingers stroked my face, those blue eyes held mine with intensity, "I just need you." He whispered kissing me slowly; the slow kisses that made my skin tingle with happiness. My fingers ran to the back of his neck to pull him closer to me. I just wanted his lips to forever stay on mine. I shifted in the seat until Troy was in the chair while I straddled his lap. My lips burned against his as my tongue danced in his mouth.

"We can adopt," I breathed pulling away, my lungs trying to breathe as Troy began to kiss down my neck, "If you want," he breathed against my neck causing goosebumps to fly down my body. I gasped as my eyes closed holding him closely to my body. "Mommy?" I heard the crackle of the monitor as Troy pulled away from me and I leaned backwards as we both tried to catch our breaths from the rapid make-out session.

"I think I'm going to need a shower," Troy mumbled and I smiled leaning closer to him, "Let me go turn on Mickey Mouse," I whispered into his ear, "And I'll join you in the shower."

"Fuck," he swore and I kissed him sliding off his lap as I hurriedly went to greet my son good morning and turn on Mickey Mouse so I could enjoy a nice shower with my fiancée.

* * *

Troy laughed at the grill with his dad as I took survey of the activities around us. Collin, Kale, and Ryan were all running and playing on the jungle gym that was played on daily with Collin. He adored that playground more than anything. It is normally his first request every single morning after breakfast. Sammy and her boyfriend were talking quietly on the couch with Marcus going over to join his dad and Troy.

Lucille was talking with Bridget and Jace who joined in on the birthday fun with us today. Susan was talking with Brooks from my law firm while Joe was hanging out with his family. His oldest daughter was toddling around near the playground with mom nearby. Joe was thrilled to be apart of the birthday celebrations but Collin was still skittish around him. Joe wanted to take him out for a celebration tonight but I was still hesitant.

Troy was trying to convince me but I was just nervous. I didn't know how Collin would react but he would most likely have fun. He enjoyed spending time with his daughters and I enjoyed spending alone time with Troy. My stomach hurled looking around seeing that I had a lack of family here and it made me feel a lot lonelier in this world. I knew that Troy's family was my family now but it didn't make this any easier that I had no long time friends. I had no siblings or parents.

I didn't have my mom and dad to celebrate my son's fourth birthday.

My heart ached as I took a deep breathe turning to go back inside to make sure everything was okay in there. I inhaled trying to keep the tears away but it didn't seem to be working. "Gabs, hey, I am almost done with these burgers."

"Okay," and as soon as my voice let go I knew that Troy was going to question it. It sounded like I was crying already.

"You okay?" I nodded not facing him when I felt his hand rest on my shoulder, "Brie, talk to me," he said quietly into my ear, I shook my head as I inhaled and I counted to four. I counted to four to try to get this fear of loneliness to disappear. I was trying.

He turned me around and Troy panicked slightly at the sight of tears rolling down my face, "Gabi, babe, what's wrong?" he asked pulling me into his arms. I grinded my teeth together as I just listened to his heart beat for a moment, counting to four over and over again. "I miss my mom," I finally spilled, my tears welling in my eyes again, "I miss my dad too,"

"Oh Gabs," he whispered pressing his lips into the top of my head; I felt the tears spill down my cheeks as I turned to bury my face in Troy's chest. The door to the patio slid open and I heard Troy have a silent conversation while I didn't move. The door slid shut again while Troy moved us into the living room for a tad bit more privacy. "I see all of these people celebrating my little guy but none of them are my parents. None of them belong to me."

Troy kissed my temple as I just sat in his lap trying to figure it out in my head, to wallow for a minute, "I love that your family accepted me so generously but it still isn't the same. My dad never got to meet him and my mom only got so many short months with him. It isn't fair."

His fingers ran through my hair while he kissed me gently, "I am so sorry, Gabs,"

"I'm just so happy that I am celebrating his fourth birthday though, I was so scared that I wouldn't get the chance." Troy smiled this time as his thumb ran down my thigh; "His chart got put into my success cabinet the other day." I turned to look at Troy and he nodded his head, "When I tell a patient that they are cancer free they go in my success cabinet. Parents normally send me Christmas cards, birthday cards, or just pictures every year and I'll slip them in the chart."

Troy smiled rubbing his hand down my knee, "I love it. I love getting those in the mail." I smiled at Troy because of how sweet he could truly be.

"Is there another drawer?" I asked him quietly, Troy didn't say anything but I knew there was. I kissed him softly and he squeezed my wrists. "I look around and I think I'm missing something too. All the time." Troy said running his hand down my leg, "For two years after Baker died, I constantly was having panic attacks that I was missing her. That I forgot her somewhere like at the store or daycare." Troy paused, "You know how you always double check to make sure you have Collin. I always did that with Baker even after she died and those were the heartbreaking moments."

"I am so happy that I never have to know how that feels," Troy smiled, "But you do. You look for your parents at this event. You look for them to be supporting you and celebrating Collin and they aren't. You know exactly how it feels." He whispered into my ear, "I imagine Baker and Collin playing with each other and running wild." I kissed him softly and Troy kissed me back. "Thank you," I whispered to him and he nodded tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I love you."

"I love you too,"

"Troy?" I heard Jack and I stood up from my spot as Jack came into the room, Troy stood up behind me and I smiled at Jack. "Thank you so much for helping Jack," he smiled as he gave me a tight hug, and I knew he was the one who came into the house earlier. "You are more than welcome. Seeing a smile on that little boys face makes my day."

I thanked him walking past him as I rejoined the party. Sam and Grant were sitting on the couch talking quietly as Mariah was tending to one of her older children while Kel drank a beer and was also in on the conversation with Grant and Sam.

Going over, I sat down on Sam's lap and she laughed, "Gabi!" she yelled pulling me backwards against her, "HEY! You are on my girlfriend," Grant said, I laughed looking over at him, "Grant, any positions open at your law firm?" I asked him, he arched an eyebrow at me, "You leaving yours?" I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. It isn't the same as before and I could use a refresher." Grant nodded, "I can ask Luke but I am pretty sure we do have a family practice lawyer spot."

"Seriously?" I asked him, he nodded his head again, "We had a guy quit not too long ago and if James and James don't want you in their law firm they are pretty crazy." I gave him a soft smile as Grant reached over to touch my knee, "If you're serious about this then I'll talk to them." I nodded with a smile, "I'd love too. You seem to enjoy working there."

"I love it." Grant smiled and then he chuckled, "But now you won't be able to kick my ass all the time," I shrugged with a smile, "Might as well put the best on the same team right?" I nodded tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and letting out a yawn, I stayed to talk with the group more when Collin came running over to me. "Mommy! I'm hungry!" I smiled as I ran my hand over the top of his thin hair that he was growing back.

"Go ask Troy when dinner will be done," I told him, Collin was off running again and I smiled watching him as he ran over to Troy pulling on his shorts. Troy glanced down at him and he nodded is head following along to Collin's gibberish. Troy looked over at me with those blue eyes shining with a sense of pride behind them as he then looked back down at Collin. He responded and Collin grinned as he ran back to me.

"Troy said soon!"

"Good! Go play some more," he took off running for the playground and Sam laughed, "He'll sleep tonight," I nodded with a laugh, "He sure will. It will be nice too."

"Any big plans tomorrow?"

"I think we're going to go to either the Children's Museum or maybe the water park? We aren't too sure yet." Mariah smiled, "Kale loves the water park. We haven't been since transplant though."

"Troy told me not to worry too much about that. He'll take care of him and make sure he doesn't do something he shouldn't or contact something he shouldn't."

"Kel, why couldn't you be an oncologist? That would be damn helpful." Kel shrugged, "I could have never made it through medical school. Hell. I barely got my bachelors." We all laughed and Mariah shook her head as my eyes drifted to Troy. He was wearing khaki shorts with a black "this is my pediatric cancer fighting shirt." And then on the back of the shirt it had a fundraiser team name that he must have participated in for one of his patients. He laughed with a smile towards his dad as he pulled the last burger off.

Troy took the food inside as I got up to help him finish setting everything up. I followed him in and shut the door behind us as he turned to look over his shoulder. "Hey beautiful," I smiled going over and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I'm here to help." Troy chuckled, "this is more like distracting. With those beautiful arms around me puts naughty thoughts into my head." I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I pulled away from him.

I leaned back against the counter as Troy put the burgers on a plate - some cheese and some not. I went to the fridge to get everything else out and Troy opened the buns. Troy pulled out the bags of chips and I made sure all of the fruit was full still.

Once we were done Troy automatically went into making a plate of food for Collin. I felt a smile tug to my lips watching him. The butterflies soared and he finally looked up at me to see the stupid grin on my face.

"I love how much you love him." I whispered, Troy smiled looking down at what he was doing. "You know how you don't want him to go with Joe tonight?"

I nodded hesitantly and Troy gave me a look before looking back down at what he was doing, "I don't want him to go either. I just want him to snuggle with us on the couch tonight and watch his favorite movie." I looked at Troy amazed, "but I also know how important it is to have a relationship with your father. And for Joe to spend time with him." He sighed putting some chips on the plate, "I love him Gabs, and I never want to see him hurt."

My eyes watered as I went over wrapping my arms around him and giving him a tight hug. "Thank you so much for being my child's Doctor." Troy ran his hand down my hair kissing the top of my head. "Thank you for needing help,"

I smiled as we pulled away while Troy went to call everybody in to eat. I snagged Collin and put him in a chair with his food. Kale and Ryan joined him happily. I smiled surveying the scene because this couldn't get better.

* * *

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Collin, happy birthday to you," the unprofessional choir in the room sang as Collin grinned leaning forward to blow out all the candles on the cake. He grinned from all of the attention that was received upon him that made my stomach crawl with happiness. He looked up at me and I took another picture as he laughed pointing at me. "Momma's taking pictures!"

Troy quickly swooped it up and took it off to cut it up while I continued to take pictures of him. He posed as Kale and Ryan began to jump in with him as I laughed at the three boys who were beaming with happiness, they were all so energetic even after a warm day and playing outside. "Gabi," I turned to see Joe and he looked nervous. I could tell by how he rubbed his hands together that he needed to talk about something and he really didn't want to do it. "Joe, what's wrong?" I asked and he nudged toward the sliding doors.

"Can we talk?" I nodded as I brushed my hands over my jeans while I glanced at Troy but he was pre-occupied with cutting the cake. His hands slid with the knife cutting off pieces as Marcus helped pass it out. I moved towards the sliding doors and Joe pushed them open with one hand, "What's wrong?" I asked again as we stepped out of the sliding doors. The Stars were beginning to peak out and the moon drifting towards the top as the celebration had run hard all through the evening. I turned to Joe as his eyes were looking up at the sky as well and then he settled his eyes back to me.

It took my breath away when I could see the similarities between Collin and Joe. Collin and Joe didn't look too much alike but there were moments when they looked just alike and right now Joe looked valuable. This was the first time that he had shown this side to me and he looked almost identical to Collin. His brown eyes twitched to mine and he looked scared almost but had an underlying confidence to him.

"I want to give up my parental rights," he blurted, I looked at Joe shocked as it then hit my gut that he didn't want to be in Collin's life. It flashed to me that he was playing Collin along this entire time and that he didn't actually care for his son. He didn't care that he had one and couldn't keep up with him anymore. The cancer everything tainted him but it caused my stomach to rot thinking that Joe didn't see him as enough. "Do you hate him?" I quickly asked with a rush of tears.

Joe looked surprised by the words that left my mouth, he tried to say something but instead he shook his head, "oh no, Gabi, Collin is an amazing kid. He is sweet, funny, and is perfect. He is everything I imagined in a little boy that I would have. Everything. He's beautiful I love him but..." It made me so happy that he didn't hate him, but I was now questioning everything that was happening. He exhaled and gave me a smile that told me that he had a hard time with this. He didn't want to have this conversation but he was. He was doing it for a reason.

"I can't uproot him from this though and I can't take my family away from California. I still want to be apart of his life and get to watch him grow up into a wonderful young man. I want to see pictures and to know what sports he likes or what he enjoys doing in school. I don't want to ban him from my life I just…" he paused his thoughts and then he looked at me. I took the opportunity to interject my words.

"Then why do you want to sign away your rights Joe? I'm so confused." Joe looked down and his eyes then lifted up to see in the kitchen where Troy was sitting with Collin as they ate cake together. Troy smeared icing on his face causing a loud giggle that we could hear out here from him. Troy gave a huge smile to Collin as Collin reached forward and smashed cake in Troy's face. I laughed looking at them when I glanced at Joe again, he was smiling and he looked down at me.

"He already has a dad," he answered quietly, my eyes filled with tears at those words when I looked over at Troy again who was wiping Collin's face off, "and Troy should have the legal rights to him. Troy will always be here with you in Denver. Troy will always be around and be making him this happy that he deserves. I haven't been in his life Gabi and I won't be able to spend that much time in his life, and even though I don't agree with what you did. I understand." I glanced over at him and he shrugged, "I'll still come visit him and if you ever want to come visit us I would love to see him but no custody battles or anything. No money, nothing."

I reached over giving Joe a tight hug because I could never repay him for this, I could never do anything to make me happier than this moment with Joe. "Collin is lucky to have you as a father Joe, and I'm sorry about never telling you. I was scared." Joe squeezed me and he nodded his head, "I would be scared too." He then closed his eyes and exhaled.

"You did a fantastic job with him Gabi and he loves you. He loves Troy. I could never compete with that. I don't want to because I see the happiness on his face. I see it and I would hate to take that away from him." I wiped my tears as Joe pulled out a paper from his back pocket.

He handed it to me and I unfolded it as he had already done it. I reviewed the words on the top of the page and I glanced at his sloppy signature at the bottom of the page. "Would it be okay if I call still every now and then to talk to him?" I got choked up again looking at it.

Looking up at him with tears running down my face, "Of course Joe, I will always let you be apart of his life. Nothing will ever change the fact that you are his father. You both have the same facial expressions and you both laugh the weirdest things. You are his dad and just because you are signing a paper to let another man be his father makes my heart shatter with happiness. I will never be able to repay you for this." Joe smiled as he messed with his hands, "Do you still want to take him out tonight?" I asked quietly and Joe looked up and he smiled, "just to get some ice cream or something."

I nodded as I gave him a tight hug again, "thank you for thinking about him and his happiness Joe," he nodded his head, "I thought about my girls and I just could never take them away from their happiness and I couldn't take Collin away from his either. Collin is so happy and after everything that he just went though, I can't take him away or ever separate you two. You two are so close." He paused and smiled at the scene inside again, "Let Troy be Collin's dad because he is one hell of a guy and I can see how much he loves Collin. It's amazing."

I looked at Troy as I smiled, I noticed him looking around as I took another look at the paper. "Thank you Joe, you have no idea how much this will mean to Troy." He smiled and he gave me a quick side hug and I breathed. My shoulders had lifted as we both went inside. Troy quickly caught my attention and I gave him a tiny smile back.

It didn't take even five seconds before he had his hand wrapped around my waist, "everything okay?" I nodded with a smile as I rested my hand on his chest, "yes! We were just discussing tonight and some other stuff." Troy gave me a weird look as I leaned forward to kiss him. "It's all good Troy, I promise."

He gave me a smile as I kissed him once more. "We'll talk after Joe takes Collin, okay?" Troy nodded kissing the top of my head. He went back to the party while I went into the kitchen to start doing dishes when Sammy slipped in, "Hey girl, I haven't had a chance to talk to you." I smiled as she picked up a rag and started drying them with me. "How are you Sammy?" she shrugged and then looked over her shoulder at her boyfriend who was being cornered by Troy and Marcus.

"I'm doing good, the boyfriend life is good, the family life is good now that I am finally getting a sister that I deserved years ago." I smiled over at her and she sighed, "Plus she has a damn cute son that I adore endlessly. I love that I am his aunt now and I literally love spoiling him." I giggled looking over at Collin who was happy with his friends as people began to filter out. "Troy tells me that you guys have a pretty good system going on around here."

I smiled, "We do. We some how have balanced a great life. We are able to spend quality time with each other, we both work good hours, and we have so much fun being with Collin. He loves him so much Sammy," Sammy smiled looking over at Troy and Collin who were playing with Kel and Kale. "He does Gabi, and don't be offended when I saw this but he loved Baker so much more. He would do anything for that girl and I know he'll do anything for Collin too. There is no doubt but I think he is almost a little reserved with Collin because of what happened with Baker. Do you understand?" she asked as she began to worry that she was sticking her foot in her mouth.

I stopped washing dishes and turned towards Sammy, "I completely understand. Troy and I actually talked about it not that long ago about how scared he was of a relapse or something because he wasn't sure if his heart could take another loss like that. He loves him like it is his own son Sammy," she looked over at Troy again and I nodded, "We've talked about it and I know that if I have gone through the same thing I would be the same way."

"He told me that you don't want to have kids and don't get mad at him. He tells me almost everything and he truly understands and he supports you decision but I think he wants more kids though. He won't say it and I just…he's my big brother." I shut the water off and I dried my own hands off as we finished our dishes. I knew Sammy was straightforward and I loved that about her. "Sammy, I love you. I love how you don't filter because this world is one giant filter now so I appreciate you saying this. Troy does deserve more kids so when he proposed I reaffirmed that kids coming from me were not happening and he understood. I told him I am open to adoption though,"

"He's scared because he loves you."

I looked at her and she decided to explain, "He has never loved a girl like he loves you. Trust me when I say if Callie and Troy didn't have Baker they wouldn't have stayed together. They would have never made it through med school together. He loves you. He is dedicated to you. He is all about you and only about you. He is scared that if something happens to Collin that he will _lose_ you and I think that is what scares him the most in this world."

I blinked looking at her and I took a step backwards, "Collin isn't going anywhere though," she smiled and nodded, "I know but he is still scared of losing you. You have made him happy." I hugged her and she hugged me back. "I love you Gabi, you are an amazing sister."

"Thank you Sammy,"

* * *

I poured two glasses of wine as I went into the living room where Troy was catching up on the baseball games that happened today. He had changed into a pair of Nike shorts with a t-shirt with a random band on the front that I have never heard of before. I sat down across his lap and Troy smirked as I handed him the wine glass. "I am so glad you are finally sitting down." I smiled tilting up to kiss his chin softly, "Did you have fun today?"

"Yes, I loved seeing Collin so happy." I rested my head on his shoulder while I let my eyes close for a moment. "You have some explaining to do," he whispered into my ear, "You and Joe had a nice long talk." I nodded as I picked up his free hand while taking a sip of my wine. "Did I tell you that Grant is going to try and get me a position over at his law firm?"

"Why do you want to move?" he asked me, I shrugged taking another drink, "It isn't the same. I am so grateful for everything that they have done for me but I think I need to move on with my life. I am just ready for something else, I have been there since I found out I was pregnant. I got my foot in the door and now I am ready to do something else." Troy kissed the side of my head, "Plus working with Grant will be fun instead of trying to beat him every time. He makes me work harder."

Troy laughed quietly and then his fingers spread to my thigh, "Alright Brie, you are now stalling." Troy kissed my temple and I exhaled as I tried to contain my grin, "T, I have a serious question for you." Troy rolled his eyes, "Brie, you are stalling." I shook my head, "I promise I am not stalling." He stuck his pinky out and I wrapped my pinky around his as I looked into those blue eyes, I set my wine glass down and I put my hands over his cheek and then I let my hands run through his hair.

"Gabs," he said and I laughed, "I am being serious when these next words come out of my mouth, okay?" Troy nodded and I couldn't contain my own smile this time as my heart was pounding in my chest. "Would you at all be interested in adopting Collin?" Troy looked at me and then his eyes grew wide, "What?" I smiled as I sat back to watch his face grow in confusion, "What are you talking about?" he questioned.

I smiled rubbing my hands over his arms, "Joe pulled me outside to tell me that he wanted to sign his parental rights from Collin," Troy's eyes went into defensive mode but I shook my head putting my hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, it isn't like that. Joe told me that he couldn't ruin the happiness that Collin had here and he couldn't uproot his life from California either. He still wants to be apart of his life but he wants _you_ to be his dad."

Troy blinked once, twice, and the third time before he frowned, "I don't think I am following. He wants me to be his dad but wants to be apart of his life?" I smiled brushing my lips against his for a minute, "Troy, he is staying in California. He wants to talk to Collin on the phone and have visits with him but that isn't a dad. We all know that isn't a dad and he knows that Collin is so happy with you. We watched you from outside and the both of you were so happy."

I stroked Troy's cheek, "He sees the happiness that you bring out in him. He knows that he can't provide that and wanted you to be his dad. He signed away his parental rights Troy, he already did it." Troy looked at me and he broke out into a grin, "So you're telling me I can adopt Collin?" I nodded my head as I pulled him into a kiss. Troy grinned into the kiss as his arms around me tightly letting my lips take control. "I would love for Collin to become Collin Thomas Montez-Bolton," I grinned at the name as I attacked him again with long kisses on the couch that would drive any girl crazy.

A knock came at the door and I separated from Troy as I inhaled deeply as that meant Collin was back home already. Troy took a deep breath as we shared a smile and I got up to walk over to the door. I opened it and Collin hugged my legs and then he ran around me to grab onto Troy. Troy laughed hugging him tightly as Joe smiled, "He had fun. He ate too much ice cream so sorry if he doesn't fall asleep but he was goofy and hung around with his sisters."

I smiled as Troy came over and handed me Collin, Troy then reached over for Joe's hand. "Thank you," Troy said and Joe looked at him and nodded is head shaking his hand. "Just take care of him okay? I love to see all of my kids happy and you make him happy." Troy smiled, "He makes me just as happy, I promise, just like he is my own."

Joe smiled and he retracted his hand and then he smiled, "I would say take care of Gabs here but I think she'll kick your ass." Troy howled with laughter as his eyes centered on me, "Yea, she is pretty good at keeping me in check." I smiled shaking my head, "Joe, you are more than welcome to join us tomorrow. I don't think we have completely decided on what we wanted to do yet but…" Joe smiled and nodded his head, "I think I'll like that. Text me tomorrow morning okay?" I nodded and he stepped back while Collin gave him a hug good-bye.

"I'll see you tomorrow okay? We're going to celebrate that birthday of yours," Collin giggled and hopped over to Troy's arm. Troy grinned as he took him up the stairs to get ready for bed and I smiled over at Joe again, "Thank you," I told him and he smiled nodding his head, "Of course."

* * *

 _Sunday, June 21_ _st_ _, 2015_

Collin giggled as he stepped down on the fountain and the other fountain shot up in the air. Joe's girls' laughed along with him while I leaned back against the chair as we found a simple pool that Collin could swim around in for hours from the lazy river, to down the slide with Troy or I, and then the little kids play area. Troy figured this was the safer option with less people to come into contact with. Troy was going to run a round of antibiotics just in case tomorrow in clinics.

I splashed my feet in the water as Troy sat down on the other side me as he kissed my cheek; I smiled as I then leaned against Troy. He was pulling a nightshift tonight since he took the day off today. We had to be back by a certain point so he could get some sleep but this was enough for Collin. He was having a blast just running around and playing in all of the water. "You tired?" he asked in my ear and I nodded my head, "I am."

"We can leave soon. I think we are all due for a nap." I smiled running my hand down his arm as he had gone shirtless for the day trying to get tan. He spent so much time indoor his skin was paling but if he wasn't working he was outside with Collin most of the time. His abs are on full show for everybody and I always questioned him because the man didn't work out that often. I kissed him again as he locked my fingers with his.

"You know, four years ago, I never thought I would be sitting here engaged with a four year old playing happily with his biological dad." Troy smiled smoothing his finger down my hand, "Good, I am glad we are here though."

"What were you thinking four year ago?" Troy asked me, I tilted my head as Collin laughed and splashed in the water again, "I was thinking at this moment that contractions were delivered on earth by Satan himself." Troy laughed and I smiled, "And about four hours later I thought this tiny squirming baby on my chest was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my entire life. He changed my life so fast I had whiplash because I knew that the world tilted and he was going to make my life so much fun. I had him for a reason. I made every choice because of him. I loved him from the moment I knew about him. I loved him even more when I held him and looked into his sleepy brown eyes."

Troy squeezed my knee, "I felt the same exact way about Baker," I smiled as I leaned up to kiss Troy's cheek causing a smile to break over his face. "This is a good day," he said quietly, I nodded my head, as it was a good day. This whole week had been fantastic and I couldn't wait to see what was next for all of us. I couldn't wait until I got to marry the greatest guy ever, my best friend. I couldn't wait until he legally adopted Collin.

I wanted Troy Bolton in every single aspect of my entire life. He was the only person who could ever make me this happy. When I met Troy, I counted to four several times. The cancer diagnosis was heartbreaking and shocking. Anytime I would go talk to Troy in the beginning, I would count to four to make sure I had a clear mind but I never needed to do that with Troy because with one word spoken from him my body would relax.

Troy and I were destined for each other from the very beginning and I am so happy we didn't let anything stop us. My eyes flickered up to see him watching Collin contently, a smile bloomed over his face and I turned to see Collin giggling playing with another little guy as they were spraying each other from the water gun area. I smiled as well as I let my eyes close to listen to every single noise around me. I listened to the laughter, the chatter between friends, the squeals from children, and the faint cries from an unhappy child. My body soaked up the sun and I was pretty sure nothing could get better than this week.

Nothing.

* * *

 **Ah! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It was fun and light! There are still more chapters to come so hold on! This isn't over yet!**

 **Thanks for the patience and I hope you guys loved it! Thanks for sticking with me!**

 **Please Review!**

 **Jo**


	33. Scream

**Err…prepare yourself.**

* * *

Chapter 33 – Scream

" _It takes one minute to make someone's day, and one word to destroy someone's life."_

Troy's thoughts…

I have given plenty of bad news over my life. I have told hundreds and hundreds of parents that their child has cancer. I have delivered the news that there kids have rare cancer, that they had terminal cancer, or they had a cancer where it was so uncontrolled that they only had a matter of days left before it would take their life. They would all tell me there children were fine days before and days later their child was dead.

Every single day, over and over again, it was the worst part about the job. It was hard. It was frustrating to know how many kids came through my office having a type of pediatric cancer. I had been on the other side of that table; I had been told that my daughter was dying. I was told that there was absolutely nothing they could do for her. I was there. I wanted to scream but instead Callie did. Callie screamed until she passed out from the lack of oxygen. I was just…numb.

I was numb to the fact that I only got to spend three years with my daughter. I was number to the fact that my girlfriend was going to completely lose it over the fact that she couldn't save her child. I was numb to every single I'm sorry that came my way for the next several weeks. I was numb.

It was a celebration every single time my patients hit five years without a sign of relapse because that means the chance of cancer coming back was rare. I got to know these kids and we would party until dawn once they were cancer free. I made me think if I had ever made it to that day with Baker. I tried to imagine what I would do with her to celebrate. I imagined us doing anything that she asked. I imagined buying her gifts and spoiling her endlessly.

I imagined the best for my little girl. I never got that celebration though.

Then when I met Gabi, I found out the worst day of my job was telling her that her son had cancer. I found out the next worse day was when I found out how much she loved and how fiercely she loved her son because I knew if something ever happened I would lose her. I kept my distance from her but it didn't work. She was stunning and beautiful and Collin…Collin is amazing. I love him. I love him so hard that I was scared as hell.

Once he hit remission I breathed easier because I could love him without fear but I still did. I had seen the cases come through my door. It was rare but I saw them.

I saw another one.

It broke my heart.

And I screamed this time because I wouldn't get to celebrate this time either.

* * *

Troy's POV

 _Tuesday, August 18_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi moved around the kitchen with a smile on her face as she finished filling up her second cup of coffee for the morning to get her though a day of court. My eyes lingered on the ring that I gave her a little over three months ago and how is sparkled on her left hand finger. She turned towards me with a big smile on her face as she took two steps forward, I couldn't get over the fact that she was so happy this morning. Gabi had been so happy the past several months and I loved it. I love seeing her like this. "What are you and Co going to do today?" she asked me, I bit down on my lip and shrugged, "I'm not sure yet." I responded with a lie slipping through my teeth. She nodded as she walked over and wrapped her arms around my neck.

Her navy suit looked so good on her that I was desperate to lock us in a bedroom. I would much rather lock us in a bedroom before I prepared myself for what could happen today. I swallowed on the lump in my throat as she leaned in close, "After court tonight, I want to kiss you until dawn." I forced another weak smile onto my face as I kissed her cheek. I just wanted to kiss her. All day. "I think I'll be okay with that." She smiled as she looked down the hallway towards his room, every morning if she contemplated about going into his room to wake him so she could spend a little time with him. "Don't wake him. He was pretty tired last night." She nodded her head with a sigh. She turned to face me and I could see her brown eyes looking at me face. I had a terrible face when it came to hiding stuff.

"Have fun today okay? I'm jealous I can't spend the day with my boys." I smiled while I kissed her again, "We need a boys day anyways," she only nodded her head while I kissed her softly. "Have a great day," she nodded resting her hand against my chest. She inhaled with a smile and looked up at me, "I love you." She whispered to me, I squeezed her tightly back, "I love you too baby girl," she let her eyes hold mine for a beat longer and I felt like she could read past every thing I just told her.

"I'll talk to you later." I nodded as she slipped past me. She picked up her coffee and brief case. Her purse slung over her arm, she quietly slipped out the door. The garage lifted and I heard the engine of her car pull back. The garage door closed again and I felt my chest cave inwards. I rested my head on the counter as I waited. Once the coast of her car was clear after five minutes I picked up my cell phone to call Bridget. My fingers ran through my hair as the phone rang a couple of times until she picked up. "I thought you were off today?" I hated that she knew it was I every single time. It was unprofessional to answer the phone like that.

"I am." I responded with my chest constricting, "I need you to clear a MRI machine for me, pen me in," Bridget didn't say anything for a moment; her quietness caused me to panic, what if the machines were down or something? I needed to know. "Is this for you?" my eyes stared straight ahead, "No," I answered after a moment, "It isn't." But I for damn sure wish it were. I wanted it to be. I would do anything for it to be me.

Bridget tapped her finger against the phone, "Does Gabi know?"

"No." I answered again, "Bridget, I just need you to do this okay? I'll be up there in two hours."

"Troy…" I could hear it in her voice that she wasn't sure where I was going with this, "Is he okay?" I rubbed my jaw, "We'll find out." I answered quietly; I then turned my phone off as I walked down the hallway. Collin was fast asleep in his bed as he had his blanket tucked around him. My eyes burned looking at him as tears formed in my eyes. I prayed to God that everything I was wondering was dead wrong. I leaned against the doorway for a little bit longer to see him breathing peacefully and I just wanted to leave him like that. _But I had to know._

I went into the bedroom as I changed into a pair of khaki shorts with a black t-shirt. I laced my tennis shoes up and then moved across the room. My eyes held the engagement picture with Collin stuck between us. Gabi and I were looking at each other while Collin was giggling looking at the camera. I reached out to touch it, as he looked so healthy here in this picture. He was so happy. She was so happy. _I was so happy._ "Daddy," I turned as I looked over at Collin who was standing in the doorway rubbing his eyes. I had officially adopted him last month. It was a much speedier process when my fiancée was a family lawyer.

"Good morning bud, you hungry?" he nodded slowly as I picked him up, I let him rest his head on my shoulder as I tightly squeezed him towards my body, and "How are you feeling?" I asked him while I took him down to the kitchen. He shrugged while resting his head against my shoulder again. "We're going to do something today that is a secret from mommy," I told him as I sat him down on a bar stool. He gave me a curious look as I nodded my head, "I know, we don't keep secrets from mommy but we don't want to worry her today, okay?"

Collin nodded his head because he understood, we don't worry mommy. "We're going to take scans today to make sure everything is healthy still," I pulled out the frozen pancakes from the freezer as I began to warm them up, this was his favorite. "I don't want too." He told me with a look, I nodded my head, "I know, but we have too…okay?" Collin only nodded his head as I pulled the pancakes out and then put syrup over top. I slid them across the counter and he ate them quietly as I packed things for the day. I promised him a fun afternoon at the pool and playground. I intended to do that.

I picked up my cell phone and I called Sammy. "Hey bud," I ran my fingers through my hair again, "Can you meet me at the hospital? I need some back up." Sammy was quiet for only a second as she processed my request, "It is your day off…what's wrong?" Sammy asked automatically, I turned to face Collin to make sure he was okay. I then stepped out the back door, "It is Collin," I said quietly, "Troy, what's wrong?" Sammy asked me a little bit louder.

"I don't know Sammy," the lie fell through my teeth as my chest hurt; my head was already pounding as my eyes were screaming from my lack of sleep last night. "You do know Troy, what is it?" I turned around as Collin was finishing his pancakes while trying to keep his eyes open. "I think it's back," I said as my voice clipped at the end. My breath was caught in my throat, as Sammy didn't say anything until I heard her cry from the other end. "Sammy," I spoke softly, "Please, I am barely holding it together over here."

"How is Gabi?" I went quiet and Sammy gasped, "You haven't told her yet!"

"No, I want to make sure before I worry her. He is having scans today." I tapped my finger against the counter, "Please," I begged her after a moment; she didn't say anything but I could see her nodding her head slowly. "This will destroy her," fear washed over me and my chest tightened, "Why do you think I am so scared?" I whispered back to her while I turned my back to Collin. Tears welled in my eyes as I brought my finger up to my nose to pinch it to keep all tears at bay.

"I'll meet you up there, okay?" I just nodded as I let out a large exhale, "Thank you Sammy,"

* * *

Gabi's POV

I stared at the corner of the courthouse as my vision blurred and then came back into focus. "You okay?" I turned to Margret and I nodded my head slowly, "Yea, I mean, Troy was off this morning." I answered with a stumped voice. I bit down on my lip as I tried to shrug it off, "I mean we did set our wedding date is approaching and have done all of that stuff, I am confused on why he seemed to be hesitant this morning."

"Maybe he is surprising you with something?" Margret asked me with a shrug; I shook my head because there wasn't anything to surprise me with. "I don't know. He wouldn't tell me what he and Co were doing today. This is his first day off in almost a month. He has been drowning in work." Margret frowned at the tidbit of news that I provided, "Is this the first time he has acted like this?" I thought back to the past couple of weeks and I nodded. "Yea, I mean, he watched Collin a lot last night. He had this serious look on his face all night while watching him."

Margret gave me a look and I just shrugged my shoulders, "I wish I understood too." I looked down at my watch as I decided I was going to call and check in. I picked up my cell phone and I dialed Troy's phone number. The phone rested against my ear as I walked down the hall in the courthouse. The phone rang a couple of times until the call was answered, "Hey, how's court?" his voice was smooth and better than this morning. Ever since I made my switch to Grant's law firm I had been on a high in the courtroom. I was so excited about this job and my work schedule was so much more conducive to being with Collin.

"Okay, slow. They wanted a thirty minute recess so I thought I would call you and check in on Co," Troy cleared his throat, "We're having fun." He said, "Once he got up we had breakfast, I then had to run by the hospital to grab some stuff and then we went to the park. He is running around now actually," I smiled thinking of him running around the park with little care in the world. "That sounds like a better morning than I am having."

"What do you mean? You kissed me this morning. That should make your damn day!" I laughed and I felt my shoulders relax, as Troy was fine. He must have been tired this morning and just needed to wake up. This was the Troy that I knew and loved. "It does make my day when I can do it all day long." Troy laughed from the other side, "We are in serious need of one of those days aren't we?" I smiled as I looked out the courthouse window. "Yea, you have been working a lot lately."

"Same to you,"

I leaned back against the wall, "Maybe this weekend?"

"Of course." Troy answered, "I have to go though. Collin is calling me over. I love you."

"I love you too. Kiss my boy for me okay?"

"Of course. I'll see you tonight." He hung up there after and I held my phone to my chest, "Gabi, they are ready." I turned to see Margret ready for me. I nodded as I followed her as a hint of heaviness filled my shoulders again. I didn't know what it was but Troy was bothered by something. I don't think it had anything to do with our relationship, which caused me to worry further. Something was bugging him and he wouldn't tell me.

"You okay?"

"Yes, he is in a better mood. I think he is tired. He pulled a couple of long shifts this week." Margret gave me a concerned look but I gave a smile, "I'm okay. Let's go."

* * *

Troy's POV

"Why did you order scans?" I turned to see Kyle come through; I rolled my eyes as I finished filling out the rest of the paperwork, "Hello to you Kyle,"

"I told you to stop, he doesn't need these," Kyle tried to take the order from my hands, "Kyle, yes, he does. He needs them." I argued, "Troy, he had scans six weeks ago! He was perfectly fine," he snatched the paper from my hand and I took them back quickly, he gave me an annoyed look, "The first time I did that was to reassure Gabi that he was fine because she was having nightmares." I looked at him with a hard stare, "But this time it is because _I'm worried_." Kyle looked at me as we just stared at each other.

"Why are you worried?" he asked me quietly, fear caught in my chest as I held the paper. "He is really tired lately, he is achy, complains of frequent headaches and I put it all together the other day. I watch him and he hasn't been the same for the last two weeks. It could be nothing but I need this fear sitting in my gut to go away, okay?" Kyle nodded his head as he rubbed my shoulder; he slipped the paper out of my hand.

"I'll order the scans. You go sit with Collin okay?" I nodded as I let go of the papers and went back to where Collin was playing with his toys with Sammy. "Did you get it done?" she asked, I nodded my head while sitting down next to Collin. He smiled up at me and raised his arms; I picked him up as he hugged me closely. "I love you Co," he giggled against me, "I love you too." Sammy gave me a sad smile as Kyle came into the room.

"Radiology will come get you guys in about fifteen minutes, okay? They are really busy today, you'll get the results tomorrow." Kyle looked at me with a pointed stare but I ignored it, "Kyle," he shook his head, "I tried Troy, I did everything you would have done to get them in today but it won't happen."

"How am I supposed to go home to Gabi tonight with this?" I asked him, "Troy, you probably should have told her before you brought him in."

"And worry her all day while she is stuck in court?" I barked back, Kyle didn't say anything as Collin looked between us. "Dad," he murmured, "Where is mommy?" I smiled turning as I brushed my fingers over his short hair. "She's working buddy," Collin looked at the wall and shrugged as he was scheduled to have his port removed in two weeks, right before he was starting pre-school. "Collin, can we make a deal?" I asked him, Co nodded his head, "During your scan,"

"I can't move," he said as he squished my face with his fingers, I smiled and nodded, "You got it little dude." The radiologist came in and he gave me a supportive smile, "We'll have him back in about an hour, if we have to sedate him,"

"You won't," I said, "I'll stay with him," Kyle said, we all knew how to get Collin to lay still but he will probably fall asleep. I exhaled as I gave him one more hug and they disappeared with him. My heart ached watching him go as Sammy squeezed my knee. "What are you going to tell Gabi tonight?" Sammy asked me, I rubbed my hands over my face and I shrugged, "If I can get away with it, I probably won't."

Sammy gave me a look, "If I can't the results until tomorrow, then I don't want her panicking all night long." Sammy didn't say anything while I brushed my fingers over my hair again, "I'm so scared Sammy," she patted my back and leaned against me, "I'll always be here for you Troy," I smiled kissing the top of her head while I closed my eyes to fill the pain deep in my chest. I never wanted tomorrow to come.

* * *

Gabi's POV

Troy traced his finger down my arm and he was again distant. After I got home last night, Collin was watching TV and Troy was drinking a beer. He was watching TV too but his eyes weren't focused on the TV. They were distant and those blue eyes weren't nearly as blue. His mind was busy but he had made us a great dinner and Collin talk about swimming and the playground that Troy took him to today. Troy then had all of us watch a movie together and he held Collin awful close to him. "I got the day off work tomorrow," I told him and Troy smiled looking over at me. "Good, you deserve a day with Collin. He'll love not having to go to daycare and spending time with his mom."

"Troy, are you okay? You seem off?" he didn't answered, I looked at him but his eyes were staring at the wall in the distance, "Troy," I said again, "What?" he asked blinking his eyes to me, "You okay? You seem off." I repeated softly, Troy smiled leaning over to kiss me. His soft lips pressed against mine and his hand cherished my face. He was being slow tonight, like he wanted to capture every single moment in his brain. He pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine, "It has just been a couple of long days at work and Collin had me everywhere today." I knew that something else was bugging him as I rolled on top of him and kissed him again.

"Troy, you aren't telling me the truth, do I have to kiss it out of you?" Troy smirked and shook his head, "I'm fine. I am just…" he didn't finish the sentence but kissed me instead as he ran his fingers through my hair while I locked my body around his. "I have just had a tough week with a patient." He finally said as his blue eyes took me in. I smiled kissing him again, "I love you Troy," I told him as I brushed my fingers through his hair.

"So today I was looking through a catalog for wedding stuff and I have so many ideas Troy, I am so excited." Troy nodded his head and I felt my eyes close while I rested against his chest. "Gabs, can I tell you something?" I nodded my head but I didn't move. "If things get…crazy in the next couple of weeks will you remember to breathe through it and that I still need you. That I will always need you." I pulled my head up to stare into his blue eyes and he almost looked sad.

"Troy, where is this coming from?" Concern swept over me because something was wrong and he wasn't telling me.

"Just promise me, okay?" My eyes stared at him for the longest time, those blue eyes were pleading though. I finally nodded my head while I kissed him again and he took the kiss way past a normal kiss. My stomach dropped and my body tingled with happiness.

* * *

Troy's POV

 _Wednesday, August 19_ _th_ _, 2015_

I watched Gabi sleep and I couldn't get myself to get out of bed for the day. I knew what would be on my desk when I got to work this morning. I told absolutely nobody on that floor to open that file until I looked at it first.

But for now, I was going to keep the peace because there was a 50% chance that peace wouldn't be here later tonight. There was a chance that I could lose Gabi. There was a chance nothing can happen. There was a chance that my gut was wrong and I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep hoping that my gut was wrong. My phone buzzed and I reached over for it to see Kyle had texted me.

 _It's on your desk. Sealed._

I exhaled as I put my arm over my eyes before snuggling back up with Gabi. I smelled her shampoo that she used every single morning in the shower. It was the same one that I rubbed into her hair before. I felt her heart beat underneath of me and I just held onto her. I held her close to my body; I never wanted to let go of her. I never wanted to leave this bed. The only thing I wanted to remain right here and love on her. I wanted to protect her from the harmful effects of cancer.

I never in my life wanted to see her heart break.

* * *

I walked into my office and I knew it was already sitting there. I told everybody I wanted to be the first to look at those scans. I told everybody that I need thirty minutes alone in my office and to not knock on the door. I prayed that I didn't have to call Gabi and convince her to bring Collin to the hospital while having to tell her over the phone that he could have relapsed.

I couldn't do it.

I shut the door quietly and twisted the lock as my stomach hurled and I felt my skin crawl with fear. I draped my jacket over the back of my chair as my eyes just looked at the folder on my desk. The tiny white sticker in the corner that said: Collin Montez, DOB 6/21/11, and then his patient number written across top. I made a mental note to change his records to record his new last name. Montez-Bolton.

My stomach hurled and I could feel the vile in the back of my throat as I pulled my chair away from the desk and sat down, as I didn't want to open the file. I had no interest in looking because I didn't want anything to change. If I never looked, I would never know and things would just happen. But I couldn't do it. Gabi was happily planning our small wedding and reception. She was back to work and the damn girl smiled twenty-four seven which made me so happy. She enjoyed and loved every minute she had with Collin. I knew she was taking nothing for granted.

The minute I told her what might be in this file caused everything in me to deflate. It caused my worst nightmares to come true and nothing hurt worse than disappointing the one person you love the most in this world. My fingers ran across the top of the folder and I inhaled sharply at the roughness of the folder. I let my fingers slip inside the folder but I quickly pulled them back because I couldn't do this

My eyes twitched to the clock as I took note in the time ticking downward. I had to open it. There was nobody else that could open this file. Nobody else could bare this news first than me. Gabi had to know that I wasn't that scared. I had to be strong for her.

I looked at the wall and I closed my eyes as I took Gabi's trick. Count to four and take four deep breaths. She did it with Collin all the time and it made sense as I did it. I focused and then when I hit four I knew I had to open it right now.

Flipping the chart open I let my eyes read across the page when hot tears filled my eyes and rage took over my body. I flung the chart across the room as I shoved my desk forwards letting it collide with the chairs on the other side. Picture frames on my desk went spilling in every direction as I could only feel the hot tears running off my face as I kept my hands tightly around the desk. My knuckles turned white with rage and anger as I let go and slamming my hand into the filing cabinet.

A sob rolled through my chest as I kept hitting the filing cabinet over and over again. My body convulsing with anger and hate for this life that I was given. I tried to figure out how I was this fucking lucky to have this happen to me twice. I would be losing a child for a second time. The anger grew deeper and I kept hitting the cabinet until I saw blood coming from my knuckles and then I just began to throw all my files out onto the floor. I wasn't a good doctor. I was awful.

I tossed them everywhere in anger. I tossed them everywhere in hurt. I threw all my failures into a lump, as I wasn't good at this. A scream of anger escaped my lips because I knew how this felt already. I knew. I let the sobs take over as I let my head tilt forward and I just cried. I cried with pain filling my body so rapidly that I felt like I couldn't move. I felt weak.

I heard my name being called from the other side of the door but I just crumpled over onto the ground as I tried to figure out what my next move was. The tears only grew faster and my shoulders shook even more as I reached over for one of the picture frames that fell on the floor.

A picture of a healthy Collin with majority of his hair back caused my gut to kick as my eyes surveyed that smile. The happiness that radiated off him at all times was amazing. He could give one smile and the world was tilted perfectly on its axis again. He was amazing, smart, and so beautiful.

My fingers reached for the other picture frame that fell and I looked at the shattered glass across the frame. My eyes filled with tears again looking at it because it was a picture of Gabi with Collin sitting in a field of grass. Gabi was smiling down at Collin while Co smiled back to her. I let my fingers run over the jaded frame because she was so happy. She loved Collin more than life it's self and I knew the outcome of this situation.

It crushed me.

It killed me.

Because I couldn't save Collin this time.

* * *

I sat numbly on the floor of my office staring at the mess I made but every time I looked over at the corner where the file landed my chest caved again and I couldn't breathe. I had a panic attack and then I was floored with tears all over again. I thought about telling Gabi but that only sent me into an even bigger panic than the previous one. My world was crashing down around me and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't prevent Collin from dying. I couldn't save Gabi from the terrible moments that start as soon as his last breath leaves his body. I couldn't save her. I couldn't save him. I couldn't save myself.

A knock came at my door, "Troy, it's been almost two hours. Let us come in." It was Daniel's voice this time. They all knew. They knew the contents of the folder in front of me. They knew that nothing good came of it. They knew. My heart crushed in my chest as I tried to stop the tears from falling again and I stood up trying to sober up from this nightmare in front of me.

I unlocked the door and Daniel stood on the other side. He took one look at me and he automatically knew what happened as he wrapped me in a hug. "I am so sorry," he told me quietly and I lost it again. Kyle came over and he patted my back, "Dude, do you want me to talk to Gabi?" I shook my head as I inhaled and wiped my tears away.

"No. I have to call her. I have to tell her." They all glanced at each other with looks that I hated. I swallowed the vile coming up my throat as I went back into my office. I picked up my cell phone as I went to my favorites and tapped on G. A picture of her on one of our recent dates popped up and I smiled looking at it. She was happy in this picture. We were happy.

I inhaled, as she couldn't know that I had bad news. She couldn't know yet. I wasn't with her to protect her. I wasn't there to make sure she didn't do anything hysterical. I had to get her here in one piece and then I could tell her. I let myself count to four again before I pressed her name. She had gotten the day off work to spend with Collin, which twisted my gut even more.

"Hey! I was just thinking about you!" I smiled hearing her voice and I tried to memorize the excitement in her tone. I tried to capture everything of this innocence she was throwing out still. I took mental notes of the happiness deeply rooted.

"I'm glad," I said softly, "you okay?" She asked quickly. I hated that she knew my voice just as well as I knew hers. I cleared my throat, "just had a rough hour or so with some patients." I said quietly.

"Oh Troy, I'm so sorry." I tried to hold myself together as I looked at the shattered frame again and then the one that hung on the wall of all three of us. I was holding Collin while Gabi had her lips pressed to my cheek. "Can you come up to the hospital?" I asked her, my voice breaking at the end. "Troy, are you sure your okay?" I nodded even through she couldn't see me.

"I'm fine." I whispered, "I just really need to see you and Co." I felt the tears again as my chest welled with pain as Bridget slipped in to start cleaning up the files without a word.

"Of course T, we'll be there soon okay?" I nodded my head, "I love you so much G," I could hear the pause on the other end of the line as Gabi wondered what she was getting into too. "I love you too Troy,"

Once I hung up the phone I started to help Bridget collecting all of the files out of the one drawer I hated the most. My failure draw and right at the front was the one I hated the most.

I found the file as I let it sit in my hands as the tears started again and my heart broke in half as my eyes glanced at the name.

Baker Bre Bolton

My heart shattered reading her name, as I knew that soon Collin's file would reside right behind hers with a constant reminder that I failed. Bridget offered me a hug and I accepted as we slowly cleaned up everything. "Troy your knuckles," Bridget examined them and I took my hand away.

"I'm fine." I answered as I put my desk back and hid the broken frame in the drawer of my desk. Once Bridget left the room I walked back into the main area where I received too many looks that I have received before. I saw the pity and the sadness behind everybody and most of them didn't know the first story. Kyle and Daniel were the only two who knew how heartbreaking this was for me.

"Troy let us be in the room at least. This is just as hard for you as it is for her." Daniel said quietly, he was the last man to give my family and me such news. He knew how to do it but I had to be the one.

"I have to do it." I said quietly, Kyle looked at me and I shook my head, "I don't care if you are in there but the words have to leave my mouth." They nodded as I tried to prepare my office a little bit more for her. Her world was going to change today and I tried to prevent this.

I tried so hard.

A knock came at my door and I looked up to see her standing there. Her beautiful hair swept up into a messy bun while she wore skinny jeans with a tank top. Her make-up was done and her body so beautiful. She had a soft smile on her face and Collin was impatiently standing next to her.

She let him go and I picked him up tightly into a hug. I felt the tears again but I held off as I gave him a big smile, "hi buddy,"

He grinned, "guess what?" He asked me, "what?" I asked looking into those deep brown eyes. "Mommy got me a treat!"

"Yea?" I asked with a smile, he nodded his head and I kissed his forehead gently, "I love you Co," I whispered to him, Collin squeezed me around the neck, "I love you too Daddy," I kissed his temple and looked into his brown eyes that reflected his mothers. "How about you go find Bridget?" I suggested and he quickly hopped down to find her.

I took another look at Gabi and she took my breath away. Her simple beauty amazed me and then the bright ring sitting on that left hand finger captivated my eyes. "Troy," my name was so soft off her lips as she took five steps over while I wrapped her in my embrace so tightly. I never wanted to let go. I wanted to protect her in this little bubble for the rest of my life. I never wanted to see her heartbreak.

Daniel and Kyle slipped in and shut the door as I took a deep breath pulling away from her. She offered me a smile and I offered one back. "You okay?" She asked me and I shook my head no. "No Gabs," I looked up towards the ceiling as she brought me into a hug again. I began to question why I was doing this. I tried to figure out how in the hell I was going to tell her this. I pulled away from her and I leaned forward to kiss her forehead and then I let my forehead lean against hers.

"Troy, you are starting to scare me a little bit."

I pulled back and I leaned back against my desk as I pulled her close to me, "I don't know _how_ to tell you." I whispered as I stroked her face with my thumb. Her brown eyes flashed to mine with concern as the tears filled my eyes again and complete concern swept over her face. I was scaring her. "Brie, I brought Collin in for scans yesterday because I had concerns," she scrunched her eyes together and then her eyes looked into mine.

Those brown eyes filled with tears as she gasped taking a step back from me. I locked my arms around her before she could run away and I pulled her into my chest as I buried my face into her hair, "Please tell me you are playing a sick joke on me," she cried pulling away and I shook my head as I reached over for the MRI scans and I slid them onto the screen in my office as this was the fifth time I have looked at them.

I let Gabi look at it for a moment and she then didn't cry she just nodded her head, she had sadly seen too many scans to know how to look at them, "What's the attack?" she asked turning to face me, and this is when my heart broke in half. This is when the tears welled in my eyes and I couldn't say anymore. I couldn't do anymore. Daniel and Kyle both cringed behind her and I didn't know how to say this. "Troy, what are we going to do? Should we admit him? Chemo?" I moved my lips and then I looked at her as I felt the first couple of tears fall from my eyes as I took her hand in mine.

"Troy," she let a plea come out when she said my name, my knees grew weak and I was shaking.

"Gabs…" I told her quietly, "There is _nothing_ we can do to save him." She laughed shaking her head, "I don't understand. We fight cancer. You just said that there is nothing to save him. There is chemo, radiation, there are different trials and such we can do something to save him. He is supposed to live until he is one hundred years old and become a big bad football player. He is supposed to go to a big university and do bad things," I looked into her eyes as she babbled trying to actually get this through her head, and then Kyle spoke up from behind her cutting her sentences off, "Gabs, Collin's cancer has come back. It has already spread to his liver, kidneys, and passed anything that we could fix." I watched Gabi but she only shook her head, "It also spread to his brain,"

She shook her head faster, "No, no, no," she started to sob and I pulled her into my arms as she began to hit me, "No, no, what do you mean you can't save him! That is your damn job! You are supposed to save him and make him better! You are supposed to that," she began to scream as the pain filled her. It began to consume her body as I only kept her close as we both collapsed into a sob together. We both cried as she grabbed my work shirt between her fingers and I just held her tight to my body.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I kept repeating over and over again, "I'm so sorry."

Nothing hurt more than this moment.

Nothing hurt more than knowing that I failed her. I failed him. I failed me.

* * *

Gabi's POV

My fingers circled the coffee mug as I sat numbly on the floor of Troy's office and I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything. Troy was entertaining Collin while I took my time to process this information but there was nothing to process. My kid was going to die from such a terrible disease and I didn't even see the relapse. I saw nothing. After I stopped sobbing long enough, I told Troy that he was a liar and he took somebody else's scans. He was fine. Nothing was wrong with him.

But then Troy started talking.

He hates walking and always wants to be carried. He complains of stomachaches. His head hurts almost every single day. He is constantly thirsty and tired. He has run a couple of low-grade fevers keeping him from daycare. I then broke down into hysterics again because I missed it. I didn't connect it. I didn't want to see it.

Troy told me that we could have done nothing to prevent it. If Neuroblastoma relapses there isn't much of anything any doctor could do for him. A knock came at the door and it propped open as Sammy walked into the room. She sat down on the floor next to me and she just sat there. We both stared at the wall in front of us as I heard Sammy sniffle but it only caused my tears to well in my eyes again. "I am so sorry Gabi, so sorry," she whispered into the quiet air of Troy's office.

My eyes looked at the wall with our family picture on the front as I shrugged my shoulders while tears fell down my cheeks. "I don't know what to do, what am I supposed to do?" I asked looking over at her, "What am I supposed to tell him? He's dying." My tongue choked on the word as Sammy pulled me into a hug. "You are going to love him Gabi, you are going to be his mother and do nothing but love him. You are going to grant him every single wish that he speaks and you are going to love him. You will remind him every single night."

I nodded my head while she brushed her fingers through my hair, "You are going to let him sleep in your bed every single night and you won't sleep." She told me quietly, "You're going to watch him and soak in every single moment you have left with him. You will not waste one moment." Sammy started to cry as my tears mixed with hers. "I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay but it won't." she told me as she reached up to wipe tears away. "Life will turn to shit for a long time but don't let them turn to shit until you don't have him anymore. Right now, you smile, laugh, cheer, and play until he can't keep his eyes open. Don't regret this time, please Gabi, please don't regret this time."

I nodded my head as I looked at her and she nodded her head, "I need to go see him." She smiled, "Troy had him hooked up to a machine delivering him some fluids and pain meds." I nodded, "What was Troy doing?" I asked quietly, "Just laying with him," Sammy looked scared, "Gabi, you know I am blunt but I'm scared for Troy. Do you remember our conversation a long time ago that Troy never freaked out after Callie and Baker?" I nodded and she looked into my eyes with tears filling them.

"I'm scared that this is it. This may cause his freak-out." I nodded and I hugged her tightly again, "You get to freak-out too though." I buried my face into her shoulder and she squeezed me tightly as we walked out into the hallway. Kyle and Daniel both looked my direction as this was my first step out since finding out but Sammy was right.

I had to make every single memory count right now. I don't know how much time I have left with Collin but I know I am making every single day count. I am going to smile, laugh, and spend every moment making him as happy as I can. I stopped in front of Kyle and I looked up at him, "Gabi, you okay?" I inhaled, "I don't know how to answer that question," I said quietly, "I just have a question that I don't want to ask Troy because Troy is his dad and I know how much he is hurting right now I can't ask him this," I said and Kyle nodded grabbing my hand.

"How much time do I have with him?" I whispered as the tears welled again and my heart raced as Kyle sighed, "Maybe six weeks Gabi, maybe," I inhaled sharply at those words, as I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting that little of time with him left. It knocked my breath away and my muscles tensed as Kyle hugged me. "I'm sorry Gabs,"

I nodded my head and I gave him my best smile as I walked towards the hospital room that Collin was currently in. Troy was lying with him as they were watching something on TV together. I opened the door and Troy glanced up and the look on his face broke my heart. I shut the door as I walked in to lie on the other side of Collin and he smiled up at me, "Mommy, I feel better." I nodded kissing the top of his head and I reached over for Troy's hand.

He held my fingers tightly in his hand as I inhaled, Troy looked at me and he nudged his head to the door. I knew he wanted to actually talk without me screaming or sobbing. I nodded slipping out of bed and Troy did as well. We both kissed on Collin's face but he pushed us away to watch TV. I smiled brushing my fingers through his hair as I walked out followed by Troy. We sat on the bench outside of his room and he put his elbows on his knees.

"Talk to me Brie, you haven't said anything." I nodded in understanding, "I know." I whispered quietly, "Gabs, we could do a couple of rounds of chemo to prolong his life,"

"No," I said quietly, Troy looked over at me and he gave me a look of shock, "Brie, he may only have six weeks left. We could extend that." I shook my head again, "No, I want him to enjoy these final days. I don't want to be in a hospital. I don't want to watch him puke and cry because he is getting yucky medicine. I want to take him to the ocean tomorrow and I want to spend these final weeks with him making the most beautiful memories."

Troy put his hands on his face, "What about just one session of chemo? Just to…"

"No, Troy, Collin's body has told us that it doesn't want to fight anymore. The cancer came back and is everywhere. We don't have much time with him. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere we Collin isn't smiling. I want his port removed,"

"No," Troy interjected, "Yes, I want it removed. I want him to be a normal boy." Troy shook his head and I looked at him, "I don't think you get to disagree here." Troy inhaled and he looked at the wall across the way from here, his eyes wouldn't meet mine, "Gabi, I am going to give you a rundown of what his final few weeks of life will be like, because he is going to be in so much pain you are going to wish that he was dead because you just don't want him to suffer anymore. He'll cry out in pain and the only thing that will help will be something stronger than morphine that goes through his port."

My eyes glazed over as I looked at the wall and I broke down in the tears again in the hallway, Troy pulled me into his grasp, "What ocean do you want to take him too?" he asked me, "We'll leave tomorrow morning and we won't come back Brie, I promise you,"

"I want to go to San Diego," I whispered, "I want to go home."

* * *

Troy's POV

"You can not do this," Kyle argued, "If you want to see that kid for six more weeks then you need to have a chemo treatment to slow the cancer down!" I shook my head as I was putting everything in order for us to leave tomorrow afternoon on a flight to San Diego with Collin. "Kyle, don't you think I understand that? Don't you think I understand that my son is going to die in less than six weeks? That I am going to lose a second child to fucking Neuroblastoma?"

Kyle looked at me as my throat closed with tears, "Gabi wants to take him to the ocean to let him splash his feet and get another memory of him. She wants to spend the next six weeks with him making memories and not stuck in a hospital watching him die and get sick from the amounts of chemo you'll push through him to get an extra three weeks of life out of him." The tears only went faster down my face as I looked at him, "And I agree. I so agree with her because if we keep him here for the rest of his life he'll hate it. He'll cry and he only wants to go and run around and have fun."

"Troy, you know that the next several weeks,"

"Are going to be painful for him, the cancer will spread and begin to slow him down. Yes, I understand. I have done this before." Daniel knocked on the door as Kyle and I both looked at him. "Where are you guys going?" Daniel asked, I wiped the tears from my face as I inhaled, "San Diego,"

"For how long?" Daniel asked again, I shrugged, "I don't know if we'll come back." Daniel looked at me with alarm, "Excuse me? You are my chief of oncology,"

"I quit," I told him, Daniel laughed from the doorway as Kyle watched me carefully, "I need to hear that again, because I think you're being funny." I looked at Daniel with the straightest face I could muster in this situation, "I quit Daniel, and I quit because my failure filing cabinet has twice as many as my success drawer. My daughter and my son will be in that same goddamn drawer and I cannot do this. I cannot come back into this office and know that I failed. I failed Callie. I failed Baker. I failed Collin and I fucking failed the love of my life. I am going to lose her. She is going to slip through my fingers because I can't save her from this hell."

"That doesn't you mean you quit!" Daniel argued, "I fucking quit. I can't do this anymore! I can't do this because the next six weeks are going to be the hardest six weeks of my life. I got close. I did exactly what everybody warned me not to do and that was date her. I tried. I tried my hardest to not get close to her but it was so easy to just talk to her. It was so easy to fall in love with her and Collin is an amazing child. It was so hard to stop it and I couldn't. It was a boulder rolling down the hill and I fell hard as hell. I love both of them deeply. Now I have to deal with the heartbreak of losing him and I'll lose her too. I'll lose her and I don't know what I can do. I can't do it. I just…I'm not coming back. I quit."

Daniel and Kyle both looked at me as I shook my head, as I looked at the picture of Collin and I on my desk. We were throwing a football between each other and I felt the tears begin again as my heart shattered and screamed in my chest. "I quit."

* * *

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	34. Ocean

Chapter 34 - Ocean

" _Blue is known as a 'sad' color. But when I see the ocean, all my sorrow is washed away." – A.M_

Growing up, I spent every single weekend on a beach. It could have only been for five minutes or for 15 hours. It didn't matter but I would find a moment to sit on the beach, swim in the ocean, or ride the waves to let it all go. My life was crazy growing up with a famous dad so it was my escape. The ocean let me escape from every problem that I ever had as a child. It didn't solve the problem but it let me forget it and let me accept many different things.

The ocean was the calming figure in my life. After every nasty break-up I would sit on the beach and just listen to the waves roll back and forth. Some of my favorite dates included beach days where we got there at the crack of dawn and didn't leave until the sun disappeared below the ocean. Blue was always my favorite color because it reminded me of the ocean and it reminded me that everything in this world would be okay.

I loved the ocean. The ocean was my favorite place to be at all times and when I moved to Denver that was the hardest part. Leaving the ocean behind was the hardest part because I didn't have that place anymore where I could just let it go, but then I had Collin. He is everything I need in my life. He was the calming effect to me. He knew how to make me smile and after every long day I just wanted to cuddle with him.

But he was going to leave me.

He was going to stop breathing one day and I was going to shatter.

The glass walls of my heart were going to explode and leave sharp pellets everywhere and I would lose all comfort.

I wouldn't have the ocean. I won't have Collin.

The only thing left? The ocean blue eyes of my fiancée and I wasn't sure if that was going to be enough.

* * *

 _Thursday, August 20_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

My eyes looked out at the sky below us as Collin was sleeping with his head in my lap and his feet dangled in Troy's. Troy and I didn't have much to say to anybody about anything because we were both so numb with the news. We didn't know what the future weeks held and nobody knew outside of us and the doctors and nurses at the hospital. They heard my screams and sobs of horror after finding out that my son was going to _die_.

Troy had a mental breakdown and when he told me he quit last night. I didn't say anything. I just hugged him tightly and we both cried together. We took Collin home last night and then I spent most of the night packing. There were tears while packing because I promised myself after today there wouldn't be any tears with Collin in sight. These were going to be the happiest days that he could remember until it got to be too much.

"Troy," he looked over at me with those sad blue eyes and my glass heart chipped and a piece of glass fell onto the floor. "Can we make a promise that we do everything to make Collin happy? I just want to make him happy. I don't want to cry. I don't want to talk about it front of him. I just want to be happy and make the most of these next six weeks we have with him. I just want happiness in his life." Troy smiled rubbing his legs and nodded, "Of course Brie,"

I played with my hands, "I know how hard this must be for you Troy, I understand that this must be horrifying for you but if we just can keep it together for a couple more weeks." Troy nodded his head as he gave me a smile, it was a sad smile but I couldn't ask for anything more from him. "I have a request," Troy said and I looked over at him, "I want to get married before," my eyes looked at his because the last words were unspoken. We didn't mention it and I was okay with that.

"How about we spend the next two weeks here in San Diego. Joe should get some time with him and then when we get back we can get married with your family and a small amount of friends. Maybe after that we can disappear to somewhere else. I want to make so many memories with him Troy,"

"Or we can just get married down here in San Diego," Troy proposed and I looked at him, "My parents can fly down here if they want to be here. We can invite whomever but I just want to be married to you before he passes away. I want him to be here for that." I inhaled at the words and I nodded looking down at him, "I think he would love that." Troy nodded his head and he looked down at him. "You still have their house here?"

I nodded my head, "Yes, I just rent it out all year and that pays for the mortgage every year." Troy nodded his head, "It's right on the beach which is exactly what I need." Troy smiled this time, "Good. I think I need to see you surf." I laughed, an actual laugh came out of my mouth as I shook my head; "It's been almost five years since I stood on a board. I will be horrible."

"Do it for me. You saw me snowboard. I want to see you surf. Co would absolutely love it." I looked down at Collin and I smiled, "Okay," I brushed my hand over his hair and Troy reached over for my hand, "From here on our we enjoy this ride okay? We soak up every single minute with Collin. We soak up every single minute as a family, okay? I love you. I will be here for you every step of this miserable time." I nodded squeezing his hand, "I love you Troy, and I believe that you have come into my life for so many reasons. I can not wait until I get to marry you."

Troy smiled locking his fingers with mine, "Thank you Troy," he nodded his head and we both listened the plane's noise as I knew we were getting closer to San Diego. Closer to the end and I knew that Troy was scared. I was terrified.

Yet, I was happy to be home.

* * *

I opened the door to the house as I felt the gravitation towards the beach already. I needed to get to the sand and I couldn't wait for Collin to be on the beach as well. Troy was carrying him when my phone went off in my pocket. I put my stuff down and then answered the phone call, "Hey, I was just calling to see if I could talk to Collin. I was thinking about the little man." Fear choked in my chest as I thought about Joe.

Joe didn't know yet.

My heart raced as I looked over at Troy who was pointing out the beach towards Collin. "Uh…Joe," I tried to breathe but I was panicking. I walked towards the living room, "Joe, we're in San Diego." I breathed, "Oh really? What are you doing in California?" I felt the vile build in my throat as I sat down on the coach, "Joe, we need to talk." I said quietly, "Gabi, you're scaring me." I nodded my head as I inhaled sharply, "Collin relapsed,"

"Oh no, Gabi, I'm so sorry. How is he? Are you starting treatments?" he asked me and I felt my breath catch, tears built up as I was having to tell his dad over the phone that his child was going to die without him having a chance to get to know him for more than a year.

That was my fault.

"Joe, Collin's cancer has come back in a much more aggressive form. It has already spread throughout his entire body. It's in his organs. It is in his brain. There is no fixing this." I felt the tears running down my face as Joe was silent on the other side of the phone. "I found out yesterday afternoon, I told Troy I wanted to take him to the ocean. I wanted him to spend time here and get to know this beautiful place."

"Oh my god," Joe mumbled from the other side of the phone, "Gabi," he tried to come up with the words to say to me, "Can I come down? Can I come stay with you during this time because I don't want to waste this opportunity."

"Of course Joe, I don't know how long we will be down here. If things get too bad, we might take him back to Denver but I know this is where I need to be right now." Joe went to say something but didn't say anything. "He has about six weeks left," I told him quietly, "We are going to spend these next several weeks keeping him happy. We are going to love on him and do everything to make sure that these final weeks are everything he would want."

"Oh Gabi, you are an amazing woman. I'll be down there tomorrow morning. Are you staying at your parents' house?" I sniffled as I tried to control the tears because I didn't feel strong. I didn't feel worthy right now. I just felt empty.

"Yes, I am. We are here and just text me tomorrow. I can give you more information."

"Thank you Gabi," I smiled a sad smile as I hung up the phone, "Gabs, Collin wants to go down to the beach." Troy entered the living room without Collin and I lifted my body up with a smile. "Okay," Troy nodded as he looked me over, "Joe called," I said and Troy's eyes washed over with sadness. "How did he take it?" I shrugged, "He's in shock. He wants to come down to see him."

"Good." I walked into the kitchen where Collin was sitting watching the water. My heart instantly calmed at the sight of the blue water and I picked Collin up. He wrapped his small arms around me and I carried him down to the shore. I kicked my flip-flops off once we hit the bottom step and then walked down onto the warm sand. My eyes grazed the blue ocean again and the bright sun in the sky as it was a nice eighty degrees.

Troy came up next to me as I slipped Collin's shoes off and handed them to Troy. I then rested him down onto the warm sand as he let out a giggle, "That feels funny," he said with a laugh again, I smiled as I touched it with my hand. "When I was little, I would sit outside all the time in the sand. We would build sandcastles and dig for sea shells." I told him, "Can we do that?" he asked me, his brown eyes looked into mine and I nodded with a sad smile, "Yes, of course, tomorrow and every day after that."

I kissed his cheek and I smiled as the waves rolled onto the beach, "Do you want to go touch the water?" I asked him, Collin looked over at the ocean and a smile spread over his face, "Yes," he ran forward and I walked with him as the waves rolled up onto his feet causing a screech of join to leave his mouth. My heart cracked hearing the noise because of the limited amount of time I could hear that again. He bounced in the water and danced around as I just watched him.

My eyes soaked in the moment that my son got to touch the ocean for the first time. I let the imagine soak up because of how happy he was and I knew deep in my heart this is where I was supposed to be with Collin. I knew that he was me deep inside and that the ocean was calling his name and that he was calm. He splashed in the water again and danced around, he watched the waves roll back and come into the shore as Troy came over. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me close.

"Collin, do you want to put your swimsuit on?" he turned and nodded as she turned to run for the house. Troy followed as I tilted my head back to soak in the sun that was pouring down, I shut my eyes to listen to the water, and I breathed in the salty air. My chest relaxed and I felt the waves roll to touch my feet this time. I felt like I was at home.

* * *

"Oh Gabi," Mariah and Sam were on a call together as I had just told them everything. I wasn't crying. I didn't feel like crying anymore after the day that I had today with Collin. We played on the beach all afternoon until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. Troy was calling Kyle to discuss some cases that he didn't wrap up before he left and I took this opportunity. "It's okay, we're doing okay. We decided that Collin could use a nice long vacation though."

"Well if you make it back to Denver, we would love to see him."

"I have something else I need to say," I told them, "Go ahead," Sam was quiet and I knew she was trying to be relaxed about this situation. "Troy and I are going to get married down here in San Diego." I told them carefully, "I would love for you guys to still come. I know that you might not be able to and that is okay. I know. I just want you here if you can make it."

"We'll be there." Mariah said, "Done," Sam responded, "You tell us what day and we will be there." This is when tears welled in my eyes because I had amazing friends. I had amazing people in my life and I knew how blessed I was but my son was dying.

How was that fair?

"You guys are amazing," I whispered as I wiped away my tears while pulling my shirt up to wipe away tears, "Maybe when we come up we can take the kids to Disneyland," I smiled thinking about taking Collin to Disneyland. "You guys, Collin would love that. We will do it soon though because we want him to be in good spirits and little pain."

Troy walked into the room and he leaned against the wall next to me, "Troy, do you have a weekend in mind?" I asked him, Troy looked at me and his eyes searched mine to understand what I was talking about and then it clicked. A small smile lifted onto his face and he pulled out his cell phone again. He did something and he smiled, "August 29th," I smiled looking up at him, "What about August 29th?" I said into the phone.

"Done." They both responded at the same time causing my heart to flutter with happiness for the first time since everything happened. "We'll be there on August 27th to help you with anything that you might need help with." Mariah told me, "I'll get your wedding dress shipped off. You had a fitting right?" I nodded wiping away the stray tears running down my face. "Yes, I did."

"Good. It should be just fine then."

"Thank you guys," I smiled and I looked over at Troy and he released a smile to me, I hung up the phone short after sorting out all of the details with Sam and Mariah. "I guess I should call my family to tell them." I nodded my head and I pulled Troy down into a kiss, his lips locked with mine and he breathed heavily as his eyes found mine. "Collin is still napping," he told me as he tucked my hair behind my ear, I reached over to shut the door and twisted the lock as Troy's mouth devoured mine.

His hands grabbed my hips pulling me closer to him as I ran my fingers through his hair, he breathed against me and I looked into his blue eyes. Our breathing was labored and I finally pulled on his shorts and he threw my shirt over my head as we didn't think.

We just did.

We kissed.

We held each other.

We were going to make it with each other.

* * *

 _Saturday, August 22_ _nd_ _, 2015_

Collin ran along the beach like absolutely nothing was wrong. He grinned and laughed and it made my heart explode with joy. Troy wrapped his legs around me and I leaned back against his chest. Joe and his girls were all playing on the beach as well when I exhaled looking at the horizon. "I missed this place." Troy rubbed my shoulder, "Yea?" I nodded my head as it had been way too long since I had been back to sweet old' San Diego.

"I'm never going this long again without the beach in my life." Troy rubbed my leg, "Do you want to move here?" he asked me, I looked at him and he nodded his head seriously, "If you want, we will move here and completely start over. I can never go back to Denver Children's. Never." Troy looked at the ocean waves and he exhaled, "I could get a job out here and start over." I leaned back into him as I thought about him telling me that we could move here.

"What if we went somewhere else? What about Florida? I'm not picky about my beaches but let's completely start over. Let's completely get the hell away from this life." Troy smiled and nodded his head as he kissed my temple; no words were said because we both knew that Collin wouldn't be a part of that life. I forced the thought right out of my head as I watched him run through the sand as happy as could be. I felt relaxed against Troy as I closed my eyes letting the sun soak into my skin and the waves roll onto the beach.

I could do this for hours.

Troy's fingers ran down my arm and I breathed in between his hands have been all over me recently and I couldn't get enough of it. I couldn't get enough of his hands on me. I couldn't get enough of him inside of me. I couldn't get enough of it and it was driving me insane. I kept trying to decide if this was a side effect to upcoming grief. When Troy and I had sex these past several days I pushed everything else out and let Troy be the only thing I thought about.

Those were the moments that I finally just let everything go. I may be addicted to that. Which was sad, because that wasn't with my son. I needed to make memories with my son. "You are thinking pretty hard," Troy whispered close to my ear as goosebumps flew down my body. "I'm thinking about you," Troy smiled pressing his lips to my temple, "Are you?"

"Yes," I said with a small nod, "which isn't fair because I should be focused on Collin but you let me forget. I look into your eyes and I forget about everything and that makes me happy because I don't think about the weeks ahead of me. I don't think about the pain and the loss that I will feel because anymore at night, I don't sleep. So when you keep me up late and when I fall asleep next to you, I get to relax. I get to not think about it. You consume me."

"If that is what I can do to take this pain away, then I will do anything I can. I don't want to see you in pain. I don't want to see you sleep deprived. I don't want to see any of that. I just want to protect you and Collin in this bubble forever." He looked over at Collin who tucked and rolled on the beach. We were giving him pain medication daily and right now it was helping. Everything was helping right now and I was thankful.

"I think I am going to start dinner." I said standing up, Troy grabbed my ankle and I looked down at him, "I love you." He said quietly, I smiled and I leaned over to kiss him softly. "I love you too." I heard Collin run up behind me and I turned to pick him up. "What's wrong buddy?" I asked him, he shrugged and I kissed on his face. "I love you." I whispered into his ear, "I love you so much, do you want to come help me cook dinner or do you want to continue playing with Joe and the girls?"

He looked at Joe and Troy and then over to me, "I want to cook dinner with you," he asked, I smiled with a nod, "Of course," I told him, "Troy, can you come help? Collin wants to help cook dinner but he needs to wash off first," Troy stood up from the sand as Joe began to collect his girls. Troy walked over with a towel around his arm and then took Collin from my arms. Troy tossed him into the air and Collin screeched with giggles.

I smiled up at them as we walked across the beach and back to the house, "C'mon little man, maybe if we are extra good and helpful tonight we can convince that beautiful momma of yours to ride some waves tomorrow," Collin clapped his hands as I shot Troy a glance, "Oh man, Gabi used to be one hell of a surfer," I turned to look at Joe as I shook my head as I tried to suspense a groan in my mouth. "Will you guys stop,"

"No," Troy and Joe said at the same time, "Gabs, you have to show Collin. He'll think you're amazing."

"I haven't stood up on a board since before I found out I was pregnant. I will suck." I announced, Joe gave me a look and I tried to warn him with my face, "Gabs, you had people looking at you to represent you but you were dead set on that lawyer track,"

"Back up," Troy said and I tried to avoid his eyes but those blue eyes dragged me in. Those ocean blue eyes got me every single time.

"You had agents and sponsors looking at you to represent you to professionally surf?" I didn't answer and shrugged my shoulders trying to avoid his eyes again, "Gabs," his undertone caused my lower stomach to clinch because that was his voice in bed half the time, the deep husky voice and my eyes looked straight into his but he wasn't being serious, he had a sense of playfulness about his face. "YouTube my name…" I told him with a shrug and walked into the house.

"Oh Collin, we're definitely going to be looking up these videos." I rolled my eyes as I walked up the stairs into the house. I began to pull things for dinner as I turned on the radio. I began to chop up vegetables when something hit my back shoulder, "Put it on," I turned to see Troy and he had his arms crossed across his chest. My eyes trailed across the ground to see a wet suit at my feet, "Joe is fixing an old board he found in the garage. You are putting that on, I'm going to look at your sexy ass in it, and then you are going to at least get your legs underneath of you in the water."

"Why?" I asked him simply, Troy shrugged his shoulders and he couldn't control the smile on his face. "Because I showed a little boy his mom on a YouTube video surfing in the ocean doing things that I would never be able to do on a snowboard."

My eyes looked at him and then down at the wet suit again. "Gabi, you were a kickass surfer." I looked at him and he came over to me, "You have like fifty YouTube videos," I shrugged my shoulders and Troy picked up the wetsuit and he put it against my chest, " _please,"_ he begged me quietly, "I'm not above undressing you and dragging you down to the beach." I sighed looking at the wetsuit and then at the size, I went to protest but Troy pressed his lips to mine.

"This will fit you, stop," I glared at him and then I walked down the hall towards the bathroom. I sat down on the floor of the bathroom as I held the wet suit in my hand because the last time I attempted to surf was when I was pregnant with Collin. It was after the death of my dead and I was numb. I fell a couple of times but I reduced that to tears from the emotions of the day. It was a miserable time and this was the same exact wetsuit I wore that day.

My fingers brushed along the fabric and I inhaled tightly as I undressed, my bikini from yesterday was hanging up in the bathroom. I pulled it on and then my wetsuit while I couldn't zip it up in the back. I opened the door as Troy was leaning against the wall on the opposite side, "Will you please zip me up in the back?" I asked him, he turned me around while his fingers reached and pulled the zipper up. "Fits you like you never had a baby and haven't aged,"

I smiled as he placed a kiss on my neck, "I love you," he whispered into my ear, "Troy, you do know that I won't be anything like that girl in the video right?" I turned to face him and Troy smiled as he tucked my hair behind my ear, "I don't care. You are going to be badass babe, I hadn't gone snowboarding in over a year, it's easier than you think to get back on and do it. Maybe this can be another release for you if it goes well."

I looked at him and then looked out at the ocean from the glass in the kitchen, "I love you," he told me again, he picked up my hand and played with my ring. I reached down for it and then I slipped it off, Troy watched as I set it on the counter and I pulled my hair into a tight ponytail. "C'mon," I said as I pulled on his hand while we both walked outside. Joe was standing on a surfboard with the three kids while I walked down.

"Mommy! You surf! I saw on TV!" I smiled as I bent over to kiss the top of his little head, "I'm not that good anymore Collin, it has been a very long time." Collin laughed while grabbed the board from Joe and it felt like I was a teenager again. The board slipped between my fingers as I carried it down to the ocean. I knew they would all sit on the beach as I waded into the water. The chills of the California water arched up my back, as the waves were slow today.

I paddled out past the point that people should be and I watched the water and road the shallow waves until I felt the right one coming. I paddled along like I was taught to so long ago, then I stroked the water, pushing up, taking stance and then I rode the wave like I had been doing it for ten straight years. My body felt weightless while I rode the wave out and I could hear the cheering from the beach. I smiled crashing into the water as that was almost as thrilling as having sex with Troy.

My balance was the only issue I was having but with each wave that I rode, the more confident I became in the water again. I started to branch out and do tricks in the water. The sun was beginning to go down and I rode the waves back to the shoreline. They must have known I was coming back in because I was picked up in a huge hug, I laughed as he squeezed me tightly. "Gabi, you were freaking amazing. Oh my god," he laughed and I chattered from leaving the cold water.

"I wasn't that good." I reminded him and he gave me one of those looks as I smiled, Collin came running up, "Mommy! You did amazing!" I picked him up and he giggled against my wetsuit, "It felt pretty amazing," Troy smiled and Joe shook his head, "Nothing's changed Montez,"

"I can already tell you I won't be able to move tomorrow." Troy smirked, "I'll take care of you," I rolled my eyes at him but leaned in for a kiss anyways, "Thank you," he whispered into my ear before pulling away, I gave him another shrug and I turned around so he could unzip my wetsuit.

Maybe this is what I needed to do.

* * *

I dug my feet into the sand as I watched the waves roll onto the dark sand as the moon was the only thing providing light. It was some point in the middle of the night and I was the only one awake as I had developed insomnia in the past several days. My fingers drew in the sand of a picture while I looked up at the stars and moon predicting somebody's future. I tilted my head back and I tried to think of something. Anything.

My body was numb at night though. I was numb. I felt movement next to me and I knew who it was by the scent that the ocean moved. "You do know it is three in the morning." I shrugged my shoulders while I looked at the ocean. I could see nothing but the black horizon. "What is time in this world?" I asked looking over at him, Troy sighed and he shrugged, "I wish I knew. I wish I knew why we only get so much time with certain people."

"What is time though? Who decided time?" Troy didn't say anything while he began to play with the sand underneath him as well. "Why are there sixty seconds in a minute, why is there sixty minutes in an hour, twenty-four hours in a day, three hundred and sixty-five days a year?" My chest built up with pain as I leaned forward trying to keep my emotions at bay. "Why do we only have so much time in this world? Why don't we get to choose when people leave our lives? Why are my parents dead? Why is my child dying?"

Troy wrapped his arms around me as I broke down in his arms with the sound of the waves blocked out the sounds coming from my body. "I wish I had answers for you Gabi, I wish that I could tell you about time and why everything happens but it does happen. It does happen for so many reasons and I know why I lost Baker and Callie, because there was you. You are the reason that I lost those people and I went through that because you are my love. You are my everything."

I hiccupped, "Collin has cancer because of the destiny between us and I wish I could explain that. I wish I could explain why we couldn't meet in a grocery store instead in a hospital hall way. I wish I could make sense of this life around us. I wish I knew why things happened and the reason behind everything but I can't tell you all of this. I can't do it." My eyes went back to the horizon as I didn't say anything.

"I'm marrying my best friend during the worst moment of her life and I don't know how to feel about it." He whispered, "I am so excited but I am so sad at the same time." I breathed in the salty air, I grabbed Troy's hand and I relaxed my fingers against his hand. "The final days of my dad's life were hard," I whispered leaning against him. "He struggled to breath and it was just a hard couple of days watching him struggle but he told me that he lived a fantastic life. He watched me become the women he wanted me to become and knew I would be just fine."

I wiped away my tears as I inhaled, "He told me so many things and I hold onto them because he accepted the death. He accepted it and I was able to accept it." Troy rubbed his hand down my back while I leaned into him while my eyes closed, "I remember those days so vividly with him. He would give me words of advice for the courtroom, he wrote everything down, and he gave me parenting advice because I was pregnant." The ocean rolled closer to us as I inhaled, "That was the worst part because I knew he would never get to meet my little man. I would never get to see him love his grandchild and that hurt like hell."

Troy kissed the side of my head and then he kept his lips there, "I love you G, I love you and you are amazing."

"I wish I felt amazing,"

"But you are," he said and I inhaled sharply, "I question so many things about this world. I question everything anymore and I used to just be the person that accepts things as they are but now I question. I question every move, am I doing the right thing? Maybe we could cure Collin if we could just get him to hold on long enough." I paused while my eyes dulled into the waves. "You could tell me a thousand times that it probably has gone too far but what if?" Both of us fell silent after that thinking about life. Something that could make a person depressed too quickly.

We just listened to the waves roll onto the beach. My head rested against his shoulder and I knew he wasn't going to leave his spot unless I left my spot. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to leave my spot. I liked it. I just wanted to listen to the waves, I just wanted to close my eyes. "I had a patient during Collin's chemo treatments, the kid had terminal cancer and it wasn't good. The mom came to me sobbing one day because she asked me if she should just let him go."

His hand reached down to rub my back while he thought, "I had you on the mind like I always do. I thought if this was you coming into my office and I told her to fight like hell. Who knew when something would just come and happen…" Troy exhaled, "He is still alive actually. He has moments that are bad but he keeps going and that mom continues to thank me over and over again for giving her these extra months with her son."

I looked up at him and I couldn't drag his eyes away from the ocean. "Sometimes," he stopped himself but I reached over to squeeze his knee, he reached up to put his hand over top of mine, "I sometimes wish that you would have gone the chemo route to see what else we could have done but I also understand. I think that Collin wouldn't enjoy the intense chemo and that is the right choice for him but I also don't want to see us stop fighting."

My eyes shut while I kissed his shoulder, "Everyday Troy I ask myself if we should just take him to a hospital and demand chemo. Every single day because every day I see his smile and those brown eyes and I want to hold onto him so tightly but I have to think about him." Troy kissed the top of my head, "I think about him hating yucky medicine and I hate him puking and I just…" I exhaled before my emotions got the better of me. "Like I said, I question myself every single day Troy."

He squeezed my knee, "Listen Brie, if there is ever a day where you want him to get help, to see somebody, tell me. I will get him help okay? I want you to regret nothing." My eyes flickered over to Troy and I wondered, "What did you guys do with Baker?" I asked her while resting my head on my knee. Troy's eyes flashed with pain behind them, "We did one chemo treatment and then we fled just like this," he whispered quietly, "Sometimes I wish we would have fought with her."

I swallowed on the lump in my throat as I looked at the ocean, "Should I?" I asked looking over at Troy, "You are his dad too. You get a say." I whispered, Troy looked at me tucking his knees to his chest, "Brie, you know Collin the best and he hated every minute of chemo. He is so fucking happy right now. He is constantly smiling and playing." I nodded because that was hard, I didn't want to take that from him. "After the wedding we will reassess how he is doing."

Troy nodded his head and I leaned against him while we went back to watching the waves roll closer to us. I did my best thinking right here and I just wanted to stay here. Right here.

"Will you sleep on the beach with me?" I asked him, Troy turned to look at me and he nodded his head, "Sounds like a lot of fun, should I go grab anything?"

"There is a sleeping bag under the stairs," I whispered, "We can share." Troy smiled as he pushed off the sand to go retrieve the sleeping bag. He seemed to be gone longer than I would have predicted but I was losing all sense of time. The days were blurring together and the minutes were going by too fast. "I'm back. I brought snacks and a couple bottles of water." Troy dropped the sleeping bag while I stole a water bottle.

Troy laid out the sleeping bag as he scooted in first and then I rolled up next to him as I buried myself into his body. His arms held me in as he even grabbed a pillow. The roar of the ocean was so soothing and then the even breathing from Troy caused a recipe of dreamless sleep for the first time in a long time.

* * *

 _Sunday, August 23_ _rd_ _, 2015_

Troy's POV

I couldn't decide what was more beautiful: the sun rise or Gabi actually sleeping. She hasn't slept much since I told her but it was hard to find sleep during this time. My phone rested next to me as I had sent a text to Kyle for him to call me when he had a chance. I know I told Gabi last night that it was basically her choice but I didn't want to stop looking. I never wanted Kyle to stop looking for something that could help.

My eyes flickered over to the ocean that was welcoming all of the runners and walkers along the shoreline. Surfers had paddled out onto the water to catch the early morning waves while I just laid here on the beach. I think Gabi was getting the best rest she could have asked for with sleeping on the beach. Maybe this is what we needed to do every single night. My phone buzzed and I picked it up, "Hey, how is Collin?"

"Good, really happy right now." I told him, my eyes rested on Gabi again as I brushed my fingers over his hair, "That's good. Maybe he'll get more time," I nodded trying to push that sentence out of my head, "Kyle, will you look for trials that he might be a candidate for?"

Kyle was quiet for a couple of beats, the ocean filled in the blank space and he exhaled, "Yes, of course. Are you willing to listen?"

"I can convince her." I said quietly, "If there is a chance to just get him more good time then she'll take it. I need more good time with him. I need more time with her." I paused as I smiled looking down at her, "We're getting married next Saturday, the 29th," I told him, "If you have time or don't have to work I'd love for you to still be here."

"I'll be there man,"

He paused for a moment and I knew he had a question, "Anywhere," I told him, "Absolutely anywhere that I can get him too healthy enough to participate. We won't go anywhere until the 30th. Gabi wants him to at least have some fun before we do anything."

"Okay," Kyle said, "I'll find something, okay?"

I breathed a little easier, "Thank you,"

Once I hung up the phone I laid back down next to Gabi as I pulled her into my body. She snuggled into my chest and stayed close like this until a little finger poked my head, "Daddy," I tilted back to see Collin holding his blanket rubbing his eyes, "What's up big man?" I asked him and he shrugged as his eyes wondered to the ocean. "Did you sleep out here?" he asked me with a funny look, I laughed, "Your mommy wanted too."

Collin shrugged happy with the answer as he looked at Gabi, he then came over to sit next to me, "Can we all sleep out here tonight?" he asked, I smiled and nodded my head, "Yes," I answered, yes was the magical word. Yes, was everything right now.

"Mommy has been sleepy," he said, I pulled him into my lap as I rubbed his legs, "I know buddy, she hasn't been sleeping well lately." He sighed resting back against me, "I like the waves," he said to me, "So does your mommy, she loves them." Collin smiled looking over at her again before focusing on the beach again. He was quiet for a little bit and then he had enough of letting Gabi sleep. "Mommy," he said crawling over to her.

He kissed her cheek and those brown eyes flied open in response, Collin giggled as she smiled, "Good morning buddy,"

"Mommy you slept outside!" Gabi nodded sitting up but her body was stiff from laying on sand all night, "I sure did."

"Daddy said we could do it tonight too."

"Okay," Gabi responded as she brushed her hair back into a ponytail with her fingers before pulling Collin into her grasp. Her eyes went back to the water as she exhaled slowly, "Breakfast?" I asked linking my hand with her hand, she turned to look at me and nodded her head, "Yea,"

We stood up gathering all of our items from last night and heading back into the house. Joe was up drinking a cup of coffee, "She okay?" he asked me, I looked back at Gabi who was laughing with Collin, "Right now? Yes." Joe looked at her and nodded his head, "But she was upset last night." I responded, "The pre-stages of grief as I like to call them." Joe sighed and looked at Collin, "I wish I had gotten more time with him."

My eyes looked at him and I nodded, "Same man, I wish I did too."

* * *

Gabi's POV

After catching another wave my body hit the board in exhaustion. I rolled onto my back as the waves lured me up and down as I caught my breath and looked up at the sky. The birds flew overhead squawking at one another to make this feel like a complete day in the water. I knew Collin and Troy were standing on the beach watching me, Troy was probably getting concerned as I hadn't sat up and waved to him or anything.

He would probably swim out here to save me.

Troy Bolton would do anything to save me or Collin. He was a person to help people and if he couldn't help people he felt incomplete. He felt like a failure and I knew that I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't let him not save me after everything. As much as I didn't want that, I also needed Troy to not feel like he failed. This isn't his fault. He would be the only thing left for me on whatever day Collin's body decided that enough was enough.

The sun was beating into my body as I sat up straddling the board, I splashed water onto my arms and I knew that my body was done for the day. I let the ocean carry me in the rest of the way as I felt my best either in Troy's arms or in the ocean. I felt the most relaxed because I could lose my mind for just a little bit. Playing with Collin in the ocean was the best part because I could do it all. Yet, it hurt because Collin absolutely loves the water.

I kick myself for not bringing him a long time ago. I should have brought him before this point and everything would be okay, maybe nothing would have happened. The ocean still couldn't save me from self-doubt though. After last night, I just want to check Collin into a hospital and tell them to fix him. I didn't though because of the precious smiles and the happiness he was glowing. That I didn't want to mess with.

But if I waited it could be too late.

I would hate myself if he had a chance and we didn't take it.

Once the water returned to shallow, I walked the rest of the way in as Collin greeted me first with a big smile and joys of laughter as he talks about me. He jumps around and those brown eyes are full of so much life and potential. It causes my chest to constrict with happiness but also so much sadness. Troy came up and he looked at me, I could see the worry etched into his features but one look into those ocean eyes I was lost.

I was safe with his eyes. They grounded me and I walked up wrapping my arms around his neck. He exhaled and kissed the top of my head. The ocean calmed me and Troy kept that calm in his grasp. I wasn't sure if I could ever leave the ocean again.

* * *

 **To the readers who remain: Finish this story. I promise you are in for a crazy ride still! Just finish it! You'll never know what actually happens unless you finish it. I understand you being mad but let's be real: all of my favorite books caused a strong emotion from me – mostly anger.**

 **Why would an author do that?**

 **To cause emotion. You all reacted like you were supposed to and this life we live isn't all sunflowers and sunshine. Shit happens.**

 **BUT I promise after this story the next one is lighter and there is a lack of cancer and death but FINISH this one!**

 **Please Review!**


	35. Drowning

Chapter 35 – Drowning

" _I suppose it will all make sense someday."_

I suppose that everything happens for a reason in this world.

I suppose maybe someday we will get the privilege to understand why certain things happened and why they happened right then and there. One day could be tomorrow when everything is linked together and it all just makes sense.

But ever since Collin was diagnosed with cancer I have been willing the world to show me why it had to be this way. Was it so I could meet Troy Bolton? Fine. Done. We met we fell in love and we are getting married but why this next screw ball of my child dying. Why am I being punished for this? Why? I am willing myself to understand but I just don't understand. I don't understand the reason for the cruelty and for the deep pain that I feel.

I did everything right with Collin. I did what the books said to do. I fed him organic food and I didn't put bumper pads in his crib but yet, I am still here. I am still watching him die.

That is killing me.

The thought that I can do absolutely everything right and still end up right here. Right where I am.

Struggling.

Scared.

Confused.

And yet there is still a bit of hope mixed in there.

* * *

 _Thursday, August 27_ _th_ _, 2015_

"Do you think we are crazy?" I asked Sam as I tugged on my dress to make sure it still actually fit. There had been a lack of eating since that fateful day a little over a week ago. "Of course not sweetie, this is exactly what I would do as well." She said rubbing my shoulder as she closed my dress up in the back.

"I got an officiate and then I found the perfect flowers, you'll love them Gabs. Also Troy got his tux along with Collin. They are both handsome and you knew this already." Mariah came flying in as she was making calls left and right to get everything ready for Saturday. Mariah finally stopped talking and her eyes looked me up and down as she let a big smile cross her face. "Troy may actually die," she said with a smirk.

I laughed looking down at the dress, "I sure hope he doesn't," Mariah gasped at her words and she shook her head, "I didn't mean that," she stumbled over her words and I smiled nodding my head, "I know, it's weird," I said quietly, Sam gave my shoulder a squeeze and let out a soft sigh. "I think Troy is going to faint at the end of the alter from how stunning you are going to look." I felt the tears pool underneath my eyes.

"I imagined this day so much different than what it actually is," I whispered as I looked up in the mirror to stare at myself. "Oh sweetie," Sam sat down next to me and I smiled, "Don't get me wrong I am really happy about marrying Troy but I wish it wasn't under these circumstances and I wish my parents were here for this day. I am pretty sure they both thought I would never actually get married. Something about how I was too independent for my own damn good," I let a small chuckle out of my mouth thinking about my dad.

"I am glad Collin will get to know that somebody is here for me." I said and Mariah hugged me tightly. The billionth time either of them has given me a hug since they both landed. Collin was enjoying playing with Kale and Ryan while the girls gave me some needed treatment. Once we made sure the dress fit perfectly I shrugged it off and I changed back into my normal clothes. "Do you think Troy will get mad if I change my mind now?" I asked the two of them.

They both looked up at me and gave me a curious look as to what I was asking. I took a deep breath playing with the hem of my tank-top, "If I wanted to give Collin treatment now even though I have waited forever. Do you think he will get mad at me? He mentioned one night that if I ever questioned myself…"

"Do you?" Sam asked me and I shrugged, "I don't know if I am doing the right thing of the wrong thing. Collin so happy right now but what if I give him chemo and the happiness continues and I get more time with him?" Mariah and Sam both didn't know how to answer such a question and I let out a frustrated sigh, "I told myself I would get through the wedding and taking him to Disneyland but after that…"

"Well Disneyland is on Sunday so I suggest talking to Troy about it on Monday." I nodded my head because that made sense. I needed something to make sense. Desperately anything. My stomach stirred as I sat down with fatigue taking over. I relaxed back and I let out a long breath, "I'm tired you guys,"

"I bet you are," Mariah sat down next to me and Sam on the other side, "Don't worry about anything else but spending time with Collin, getting married, and Collin. Those are the only things you should be worried about okay?" I nodded and we all sat down listening to the waves from the open window. "I think Troy and I are going to completely relocate after," I didn't have to say anything else, they understood.

"Where too?" Sam asked, "Anywhere near a beach that isn't San Diego."

"Good choice." Sam said, "I'll come visit you often."

"Troy quit his job that day,"

"What?" Mariah asked, I nodded my head, "I don't know what he is going to do now but he did,"

"Poor mothers of the Denver Hospital floor will never know what it is like to watch Troy Bolton walk around the floor, the only bonus to the oncology ward." I snorted which caused all of us to laugh until we were crying.

* * *

 _Friday, August 28_ _th_ _, 2015_

Troy's POV

Kyle took down a shot as we were both sitting in a bar side-by-side. Marcus was moving his way over to the group as Sammy was pushing the bartender around because she probably could do better than him.

"How ya feeling man? You ready to be officially off the market tomorrow?" I shrugged my shoulders in response because I wasn't sure what to except with the coming days.

"Second thoughts?" Sammy asked looking over at me, I laughed shaking my head, "No, I just…I don't know what to feel. I hope Gabi is doing this for the right reasons. I hope that nothing goes wrong. I hope I can save her from this nightmare she is going to face."

Sammy inhaled, "Here," she shoved a drink at me while getting the bartenders attention again. I threw the drink back as Kyle patted my shoulder, "Gabi is smarter than that."

 _That_ as in Callie.

But I wasn't sure.

I wasn't sure if Gabi was smarter than Callie.

I mean, she is smarter but she loves harder than Callie. Callie's biggest problem was that she loved too damn hard for her own good. She loved Baker so much that it killed her. Gabi loves Collin more than Baker loved Callie and I think that is because Gabi was the only there for Collin for the longest time. It was the Gabi and Collin show. I inhaled thinking about it and I found another drink to glide down my throat.

"I wish I was confident in that," I said over the bar noise and nobody said anything after that but I forced a smile on my face, "I do know that all drugs will be leaving our house. I'll probably lock all knives in a safe and anything that can be made into something she can hang herself with is gone," Marcus cracked a smile, "It'll be okay man, it'll be okay." Another drink was slid my direction and I tried to concentrate long enough but only tears blurred my tears because my mind wouldn't stop.

I slid off the stool and walked out of the bar and into the silence. I needed silence.

"Troy," I moved a little faster until there was silence and then Sammy wrapped her arm around my arm, "Troy," she stressed again and I turned towards her, "I am so _scared_." I told her as I couldn't stop the flood of emotion raging through my body. "Oh Troy, you have every right to be scared," she said as she watched my fall apart in front of her. "You deserve to be scared and angry at this world right now because you are losing somebody so close to you."

"Why again?" I asked her, "Why to the people I love and would do anything for. I would do anything for him. I would anything for Gabi. She was so happy for the longest time and now this? Now her son is dying. We are getting married, and I don't know if anything we are doing is the right thing. What if we are failing Collin? What if we just held out a little bit longer?" Sammy put her arm on my arm as I felt the emotions spiraling out of control.

"Troy, here is my advice to you: marry Gabi tomorrow, we are all going to celebrate at Disneyland on Sunday and then you two need to talk about anything that you need to talk about. Okay? You have to talk and get on the same page here because you might be but Gabi could be afraid that you're angry about it if she suddenly has a change of heart. You're a doctor Troy, you know everything and she is scared that'll you will tell her it is too late."

I tilted my head back and I looked at the sky floating above us, "This isn't how my last night as a single man is supposed to go Sammy, it is supposed to be all laughter and smiles but I am so scared. I am scared and I am angry at the damn world." Sammy hugged me and I hugged her back, I just wanted to hug _her_. I wanted to sleep on the beach and hold her as we listened to the waves roll in. I just wanted to be with her and I just wanted the world to melt away behind me.

"If I could put you into a bubble Troy I would, I would put you into a bubble and I would protect you from every harmful thing that this world provides. I would protect Collin from this nasty cancer, I would protect Gabi from every single she is feeling and has to hide to make her child believe that he is going to be okay. That he shouldn't be scared of what might come in the future. I would lastly protect you from every having to feel this pain like this again. You have done this once and by God that was enough."

She was crying now, "You have done it more than once Troy Bolton because you had to watch me go through cancer treatments right after you went through them. You always took it the hardest because you knew exactly how I felt at every step of the way. You flinched when I flinched. You have done this too many damn times Troy and I just…I want to protect you from this horrible cancer world." I looked at her and she swept her fingers through my hair as with heels she was just as tall as me.

"You are going to marry the person that you love beyond words Troy, you are going to love her and marry her. You are going to spend the evening with her son and making memories to last all of you a lifetime and then on Monday we all need to grow up, suck it up, and talk. Okay?" I finally nodded my head and she smiled at me, "C'mon, I promised the girls I would get you drunk tonight." I rolled my eyes as she walked in, I tilted my head back though to look at the sky once more.

I was going to marry her.

I was going to love her.

I was going to keep her close.

* * *

 _Saturday, August 29_ _th_ _, 2015_

"Mommy, why are we getting dressed?" Collin gave me curious glance and I smiled because I woke up in a good mood this morning. "Troy and I are going to get married today." I told him and Collin let a little smile slip over his face, "Do we have to go home after that?" Collin asked me and I smiled shaking my head, "I don't know what we are going to do next sweetie, I think we have something really special planned for Sunday and then after that I am not sure."

He tapped his chin and then shrugged as he ran off to go downstairs as I inhaled softly as I looked at the wedding dress hanging from the hanger. My eyes looked at it and I let out a rush of air as I haven't seen Troy since yesterday morning and I already missed him. I tried to think of a time that I went without Collin for more than twenty-four hours and it had only happened with his stem cell transplant.

 _I missed him terribly during those twenty-four hours._

The thought hit me like rocks as I stumbled back into the seat when I had to fathom the day that I would never hear his voice again. Bile rose in my throat and tears flooded my eyes but I tried to blink them away and I rocked my body back and forth as the panic attack hit out of nowhere. It hit me harder than I would have ever like to admit too. My body rocked back and forth with heartache as I tried to pull myself together before somebody walked up here.

I took several deep breaths while I looked in the mirror to see my make-up perfectly done and my hair wound up into a perfect half up half down hairstyle. Collin came running back and I looked at his precious face as his brown eyes looked up at me, "Sam asked if she could come up!" I nodded my head and he went running back down the stairs. I smiled at his excitement and ever since we gave him a little bit more medication to help control pain levels he hasn't acted a bit sick.

It scared me that one day it would just hit him and none of us were going to be prepared for that day. "Gabs, Co said it was okay, I was just making sure you were okay," she came up in a blue dress that reminded me of the ocean and I gave her a smile, "I'm okay. I was just getting ready to get into my dress." I told her, "I'll probably need your help though." I told her and she smiled nodding her head, "Sammy wanted to know if she could come up here for a minute."

"Yea, if she wants to help me she can." Sam nodded and went downstairs again as I inhaled and walked over to look at the beach. "Hey good lookin," I turned to look at Sammy and she gave me a smile, "You feeling okay? I try to imagine how I would feel on my wedding and all I can think about is laughing because that seems like a scary thought. I feel like I would be taking that flight or fight sensation and I would fly like the wind." She rambled for a moment longer while I continued to stare out.

"This is probably the worst pep talk anybody has been given on their wedding day but you are brave Gabi, that is what I am getting at here. You are brave." I turned to look at her as she looked stunning in her own dress with her hair up. "You are brave because you are jumping head first into the unknown. You are a brave mother. You are a brave woman. You are brave. You need to never let yourself think anything other than that. Okay?" I looked at her and she smiled reaching over for me, "I promise you that marrying my brother will be one of the best things you may ever do. He will never love you less but only more. He will never quit. He will only fight for you. That is where me and Troy are so different. I fly and he fights. He has always _fought._ "

"So if you ever fly he isn't going to let you go without fighting okay? I know the road ahead for the both of you is scary and awful but you are going to do it. You are going to fight. You are going to figure this out okay?" I nodded my head as the tears slipped down my face and she was crying too. "Please, promise that after what happens to Collin happens that you will _fight_ because Troy will not be able to fight on anymore if you don't fight okay? Promise me okay? I can't watch my brother lose absolutely everything."

I nodded my head and we both started crying harder as we held onto each other in a hug, "I love you Gabi, I will do anything for either of you,"

We both took several more minutes to compose ourselves until she seated me in a chair so we could touch up my make-up. "You look beautiful," she told me while she dabbed my face with a brush, "Thank you," I said and she smiled, "You ready to get into that dress and walk down the aisle?" I nodded my head with a smile and she helped me get into my dress, she then tied up the back gracefully until we were both looking in the mirror.

"Troy may have a slight heart attack from your beauty," I smiled at her as she turned to fix her make-up while I gathered my final things. I put on a necklace that was my mothers and I Troy got a gift from one of my dad's shirts to be made into my garter so I had both of my parents with me on my wedding day. "Gabs," Mariah came up the stairs with flowers and she stopped with a smile, "I wish I looked that good on my wedding day,"

I laughed which felt good, "You look beautiful," she told me coming in, she handed me the flower that were all beachy and perfect. "There is a photographer downstairs to take a couple of pictures of the group, you and Collin, and then the ceremony okay?" I nodded my head as she guided me down the stairs and Sammy made sure I didn't trip over my dress. We went down and Collin was bouncing around with Ryan and Kale with his little suit on.

He looked so handsome and I felt like he was going to steal the show. "Wow, mommy, you look so pretty," he came up to me and I squatted down as I pulled on his little suit, "I think you look very handsome." I told him and he grinned, "Dad said I looked like a man who was going to steal the show," I grinned kissing his forehead as he wrapped his arms around me, "I love you Collin," I whispered into his ear.

He smiled and I smiled back at him as I stood up, I reached for his hand while we took some pictures in the front of the area and along the side with the wedding party and plenty with Co. Mostly of Collin. "Alright Gabs,"

I nodded and we began to line up and I tried to think of a person I wanted to walk me down the aisle and there was only one. Collin.

I held his hand as it was a very small wedding. It was Troy's family. Kyle, Bridget, and Daniel. Then I had Mariah and Sam plus their kids and families. Grant showed up in support along with a few other lawyers I had become friends with while at the firm. It was very small in crowd but I couldn't be happier.

Collin slipped his hand within mine and I smiled down at him, "You ready?" he nodded his head as we were getting married on a little platform on the beach that held weddings normally. He walked with me behind Sam and Marcus. Once we got close enough and I saw Troy.

His eyes popped with the baby blue vest he was wearing and my heart jumped out of my chest because I would fight for him. I would do anything for him. Troy glanced up and he caught my eye, a smile slipped over his lips while his eyes looked up and down as he closed his eyes for a moment shaking his head. I smiled back at him and once we made it all the way down to the aisle Collin ran off to stand with Marcus.

Troy grabbed my hand and I squeezed his fingers, "You look stunning," he whispered into my ear, I smiled leaning up towards him, "I'll fight every single day Troy, I'll fight for you." He turned his head to look at me and I squeezed his hand while he let a smile cross his lips.

I'll fight for him. I'll fight for Collin. I won't stop fighting.

* * *

"Ah Sammy, I am going to steal her, I need two minutes with my wife," the way wife sounded off his tongue made goosebumps travel down my body as I hooked my fingers with his. Troy pulled me away from the house and into a little room where he pulled his hands around my hips and his lips crashed onto mine. "I have wanted to do that since you told me you would fight Gabs," he pressed his lips into my hair after that.

"I just don't want you to worry," I told him, "I don't know what the future holds but I know that it will be hard and upsetting and scary but I have you. You have to promise me that you aren't going to leave me though," Troy looked down and let his thumb trace over my cheek, "I am not going anywhere Brie," I inhaled as I rested my head against his chest because I was emotionally and physically drained from these past weeks.

"C'mon we have people waiting for us," I shook my head as I just held onto him for a little bit longer. "I don't want to go out there right now. I just want to close my eyes and lay with you." He squeezed my arm and kissed the top of my head again, his fingers wrapping around mine. "I know," I looked up at him and I felt my stomach roll. "I love you," he said, those ocean blue eyes staring back at me. "I love you too,"

Troy finally convinced me to walk outside where are family and friends were waiting as we had reservations at a fancy dinner place that would gladly be part of our 'reception' that was thrown together quickly. Collin came running up to me and I smiled picking him up, "Mommy," I kissed his cheek, "How are you feeling buddy?"

"I'm tired," Troy laughed, "Me too bud, after dinner we can all take long naps."

I nodded in agreement as tomorrow would be a draining day at Disneyland and I was very excited for Collin to go to Disneyland. He was going to have a blast with Kale and Ryan. We all shuffled into cars as I had changed out of my wedding dress into a much simpler dress for dinner tonight. My feet throbbed from the heels I was wearing, "Gabs," Troy said opening the door for me as Collin crawled into the back of the car into his car seat.

"Yea?"

"You okay? You look off," I looked up at him and I gave him a smile, "I'm fine. I am just really tired." He frowned, "We don't have to go to dinner. I mean, it is in our honor because we did get married today but we can stay here." I shook my head, "I'll rally. I'm okay." He watched me before nodding and shutting my door and buckling Collin in to his chair. We followed the train of cars to the restaurant where we parked and began to walk in as a big group.

"Gabi," Lucy called my name and I turned as Troy stopped as well with Collin in his grasp, "Troy, go ahead," Lucy waved him on and I looked at Troy to tell him I was okay. Troy nodded walking forward and I stopped to stay behind with Lucy. "I just wanted to officially welcome you to our family," she said grasping my hand. "I know this must be a bittersweet day between not having your parents here to everything going on with Collin."

I nodded my head as I tried to keep my tears back but I was emotional today. "It has been a tad difficult. I never thought of my wedding to have such a heavy heart involved."

She smiled and squeezed my hand, "Troy will take care of you Gabi,"

"I know," I told her softly, "He hasn't let me down yet,"

"Let him though okay? Let him take care of you because that is who he is. That will help him cope with everything," I smiled nodding because too much cancer and death talk had happened today and I felt like I was going to explode in half. "Thank you Lucy," I said nicely as I began to walk away and she walked with me, "You look beautiful Gabi, don't let your wedding day be ruined by the heavy hearts of what the future says,"

"I'll try,"

"Do you feel okay? Your face is a little pale."

The mother in Lucy caught me in the act with my queasiness that my stomach was rolling with and the exhaustion that was etched underneath my eyes. "I am not feeling so hot but maybe some food and water will help," I told her, she opened the door for me and I brushed by into the restaurant where I could hear the ruckus of the family. I smiled walking in as Troy quickly caught my eye and I went over to grab his hand.

"Okay?" he asked me, one simple word and I smiled nodding as I leaned into him. Collin was bouncing from all of his favorite people excited about everything. Troy and I were both watching him as I tried to soak it up because I knew the days were numbered. Yet, I was being positive about it. I was _trying_ to be positive about it.

We all sat down as drinks were passed around but I shook my head, "Can I have a water instead?" I asked the waiter and he nodded as Troy glanced at me, "My stomach doesn't feel the hottest so I don't think alcohol will help." I told him honestly. He squeezed my knee while he took a drink of the beer he ordered while a water was brought to me. Collin sat next to me as we all ordered dinner and talked about the day.

We began to plan about our Disneyland trip tomorrow and Collin was so excited. "Mommy, can I get a pair of mickey ears?"

"Of course." I told him, "Will Mickey be there?" I smiled and nodded as he grinned with happiness as I brushed my fingers over his hair. Our dinner arrived and our conversation continued but the more I smelled the food the more my stomach hurled in response. I leaned into Troy, "I'm going to take a step outside. I'll be back." I whispered, he gave me one of those looks and I reassured it with a smile. "I promise, I am okay, I just need a minute."

He nodded as I took a step out of the room and out into the wind as I leaned back against the wall. I took a deep breath and because I was drained. I just wanted to leave but I was so happy with the people in my life wanting to celebrate my love with Troy. We were married now and they did so much work to get us to that point. They did so much for the vows and the kiss at the altar.

I was Mrs. Bolton.

Yet, this day felt different. It wasn't the happiest day of my life.

I wish it was.

I desperately wanted it to be.

But it wasn't.

* * *

Anger fueled my body as it all made sense when I was standing outside so once Troy and Collin were both asleep I sunk out of the house. I went to the pharmacy and then I went back to the little house in San Diego where our friends and family were sleeping throughout. I peed on a stick and after that five minutes was up bile built in my throat as anger seethed through my body. How did this happen? When did this happen?

I went into our room as I looked at my now husband and I was pissed. I was crying and snot was flying from my nose as I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to feel besides the anger. "Gabs," I must have woken him as I moved to the window to look at the dark ocean but the sob rolled off my chest, I heard the old bed shift and creak. "Gabi, babe," he said coming up behind me as his hands slipped around my waist but I pulled away from him.

"Gabi," he said again, "Stop," I let out a cry, "I don't what to talk to you right now and I have nowhere else to go but right here and I don't want to talk to you." I didn't face him but I could picture the confusion on his face as these words came from my mouth. "G, I need you to talk to me though. You are upset."

"I'm pissed Troy, I just,"

"Gabi, what did I do?" he asked and I finally turned to look at him and I could see the heartbreak on his face when he saw my face. I tried to form words but I couldn't so Troy just brought me into his arms without a fight. I sobbed into his chest at the mirror thought of the next several months ahead of me and I was scared. It felt wrong. "Gabi, please talk to me," he whispered into my ear and I pulled back to look at him because I knew this was something he wanted but I was scared.

"I'm pregnant Troy," I finally managed to spit out but my tongue felt like sandpaper, I watched Troy process the information. His eyes were wide at the news and he took a step back, "Oh Gabi," he whispered looking at me, "When did this happen Troy? I'm on birth control and you use condoms most of the time, when did this happen?" I felt my grasp on this subject slipping. "You knew I didn't want this and now? Now that my son is dying?"

"Gabi, I don't know, I don't know when or how this happened but it _happened_." I looked at him, "Are you saying this is good?" I felt the tears slip and Troy ran his fingers through his hair as he shrugged his shoulder, "I don't know Gabi, I don't know, I just know that we use protection all the time and yet you are still pregnant. That has got to say something." I looked at him and I turned around to stare at the ocean. "How am I supposed to lose one child and welcome another within a year Troy?"

Troy didn't say anything because he contemplated it too. He knew how long the grief process took and it took longer than a damn year. I just stared at the ocean and I crossed my arms over my chest. Troy walked over and pressed his lips into my temple, "I'm sorry Gabi, I wish I had answers for you. I wish I knew what to tell you but I have nothing. I have no answers for this. It is sad though," I pulled away from him again, "I think I'm going to go sleep somewhere else."

"No," Troy protested quickly, "I'll go sleep somewhere else if that is what you want." I turned to look at him and he nodded, "I get it, you aren't happy and I wish I knew how this happened Gabs, but it did and I'll let you process that. Just…" he inhaled and looked at me with those serious blue eyes, the ones that made my insides weak, "Just think that this is supposed to happen. This is supposed to happen for some reason."

I didn't say anything as he came closer and kissed my forehead. He left without a word and I tried to breathe through the pain but I couldn't. I wasn't mad at Troy because it wasn't his fault. We did everything we could but for some reason it happened.

I crawled into bed from exhaustion as I tried to muffle my sobs of pain, agony, and frustration. It didn't take long for Troy to come back and to pull me close against him. His lips pressing into my hair as he held me close until I gave into him. "I know, I know," he whispered to me as he didn't leave. He knew I needed him.

I was lucky to have him. I was cursed too though.

* * *

 _Sunday, August 30_ _th_ _, 2015_

Waking up the next morning I put a smile on my face and I got Collin ready as he could only talk about Disney and Mickey. He bounced around as we ate an early breakfast and then when his friends were all awake they talked to each other. Troy and I were quiet between each other and I could tell a few other people already noticed. Troy pulled me aside at one point and he kissed me lightly, I tried to keep my eyes away from him but he squeezed my hand.

"We'll get through this day and Collin is going to make memories," he told me with a half-smile, "Tomorrow we can figure this next step out okay?" I nodded while tilting my head back and I looked at him. "I don't know what to feel Troy, I have so many emotions." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and nodded, "I know, I don't know what to feel either." I looked at him because the talk of a baby between us happened when Collin was _healthy._

"We are going to do this together," he whispered into my ear, I finally nodded my head while kissing him. "You're my wife and I am never going to let you do anything alone." The goosebumps traveled down my arm again because I was his wife. I already loved the sound of that. "Mommy! Can we go?" his impatience showed and Troy smiled, "Somebody sounds like his mother." I smiled while walking into the kitchen where Jack was applying sunscreen.

I finished packing the diaper bag when Mariah came up next to me, "You two love birds okay?" she asked, I nodded with a smile, "We're fine." I told her, "I promise. We just had a rocky night last night with everything going on right now." Mariah gave me a quick hug and she breathed, "I can't imagine Gabi,"

"It's okay," I said quietly, "We're going to be happy." I told her and she nodded her head with happiness. Sam came through trying to wash Ryan's hands but he wanted nothing to do with it. Sammy was giggling watching while Lucy shoved her, "Maybe you could give me a child one day?" she suggested, Sammy snorted and I laughed from the other side. "I did the same thing to my mom. Be careful, I ended up pregnant three weeks later."

Sammy's face went pale and Troy busted out laughing from the other side of the room. The richness of his laugh made my heart swarm with happiness while Sammy glared at him. "I am not going to get pregnant you assholes."

"Language," Jack told her, she rolled her eyes, she then threw a death glare at Troy as he started to laugh again. It definitely made me smile seeing him happy for a brief moment. Even if it was a tiny moment, it was a moment that I knew the pain wasn't so overwhelming for him.

That gave me comfort.

* * *

Troy's POV

We navigated Disney Land with the crowds of people in the August heat in southern California. Collin was currently situated on my shoulders as he was having an amazing day. He was laughing, riding all of the rides with his friends, and just being a little boy which just broke my heart watching. Gabi was quiet but she had every right to be. It was a bombshell what she dropped on me last night and I tried to figuring out why it was happening right now.

Gabi wasn't a big fan of having kids together anyways but I wasn't going to push her on the subject until much later. I was just going to let it go until the whole cancer fear was wiped from her brain but then Collin got even more sick. Then I knew it probably wouldn't happen but then…it happened. I knew Gabi was upset about it but maybe there is a bigger reason than either of us can really realize. I watched her look down at Collin with a smile flirting on her face.

He bounced on his toes carefully with happiness and he pointed something to Gabi while she looked that direction with a smile. She said something to him and then her attention was caught by something Sam said to her as Ryan tugged on Collin's hand as we seemed to be getting in line for another ride. I walked over as we made a silent pact that I would ride most rides with him and she grabbed my hand in a small squeeze of happiness that was radiating from her.

"This doesn't seem to be a bad one," she mentioned softly, I looked up and I looked over the sign as I nodded, "You want too?" she nodded her head and I kissed her softly, "You got it Mrs. Bolton," her cheeks flushed and I smiled as she got into line while I stayed back and Sammy stayed back with me. "She looks happy, content," she mentioned quietly, I looked at Sammy and I smiled. "Yea, it has been a good day for her."

"Collin seems to be enjoying himself,"

"He's having a blast." I agreed, it was something we all needed.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I reached for it as I pulled it out. Daniel.

I haven't spoken to him since I quit. I inhaled as I answered the phone walking away from Sammy. "Troy," his voice was urgent from the other end and I closed my eyes because I didn't want to hear his voice this way. "Daniel,"

"There is a trial,"

My eyes flew open as I looked at the passing children and parents. I could hear rings of happiness and the screams of delight, "What?" my tongue was heavy and I felt like I was tunneling. "You have to literally be there in less than forty-eight hours to secure the spot but it is at St. Jude's and Collin is a perfect candidate based on his last scans."

I grabbed onto the bench as I felt my body loosening, "Are you sure? This isn't some sick joke that we might get to be a part of the trial,"

"No, you will. Collin's scans aren't that old. You report he is still doing fine besides what made you think something was wrong,"

"Yes,"

"They will run more scans but you know how to persuade Troy, you know what you are doing. You are a doctor; they won't fuck with you." I looked up to see Gabi coming out with Collin in her arms with a smile on her face.

"Troy, you really need to be there tomorrow."

I knew I should talk to her first.

But I couldn't risk it.

"We'll be there."

* * *

 **Wow. Okay. So college friends and people who have been through college: this note is for you high schoolers: College is busy as fuck. Excuse the language but I have been so damn busy. Papers due left and right. I have three exams next week. A paper due Wednesday and then another tomorrow. It is just kind of crazy.**

 **BUT I WILL NOT STOP WRITING. The updates just will be very far apart probably. I am trying my best but I haven't even touched Ace in a month. I'm trying but be patient with me okay? I appreciate that you all want to find out how it ends and you will! It might just take a little while longer than any of us like.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter! A lot happened in one chapter! Intense!**

 **Tell me what you think!**


	36. Trials

Chapter 36 – Trials

" _Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny," – C.S. Lewis_

I could never prepare myself for anything I have been through in my entire life. I could never tell anybody how to prepare to go through the cancer path with their child. I could never prepare a person for falling in love. I couldn't prepare people. Nobody knew how to prepare me for my son's impending death. They tried to tell me things. They tried to warn me that this might be how you feel but they always put a little asterisk mark next to it saying: everybody is different.

Nobody can tell you how that day will be when he breathes and doesn't breathe again. Nobody can prepare you but they tell you that you'll get better. Slowly. It will be the slowest moving process but one day you'll be able to breathe again and you'll find out the reason this happened to you. I never wanted to find out because I didn't want to see him breathe out for the last time and I didn't want to hear the noise of him flat lining.

I didn't want any of it to happen and people told me I was in denial I guess you could say. I never wanted to think about it and when Troy asked me to, I told him no. I didn't want to think about the day I would have to pick out a casket for my son and if I wanted to bury him or cremated him. I didn't want to do anything with the thought but I knew I had to face it. I knew I had to and that scared me. It made me want to give up and just pull Collin close and never leave again.

Yet, something deep down inside told me to hold on and to not give up just yet. To just give it a chance and to give him a chance. To give God a chance.

Just give it a chance and made something amazing will happen.

* * *

 _Sunday, August 30_ _th_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

I tucked Collin in a little bit tighter as he was passed out already with sleep. He didn't make it half way home before he was passed out in the back seat with his stuffed animal Troy bought him tugged closed to his lap. My eyes peered at his sleeping body as he didn't look to be in pain, he looked at peace right now as he twitched in his sleep but only pulled his blanket closer to him. "Gabs," I heard Troy behind me and I didn't want to leave because I just wanted to stay with him.

"G, we need to talk." I looked over at him and his face held something else. He locked himself in the office when we got back and I didn't question as I cuddled with Collin and took my time tucking him in, memorizing every single step of our evening. I took a deep breath giving Collin one more kiss and then getting up I went over as Troy pulled my hand into his, "How are you feeling?" he asked me, I knew he was referencing about the impending pregnancy but I couldn't tell the difference between the pregnancy or the fact that I was dealing with overwhelming emotions of losing my son at the age of four.

"I'm tired," Troy sighed and I could see stress written on his face as he led me to the bedroom, "Gabi, I need you to listen to me. I know this isn't going to be easy to hear and I just want you to listen before you freak out." I suddenly felt my gut twist at how this conversation was starting and he looked at me with those baby blue eyes and I knew I was going to listen to him. "Earlier, we were at the park and you went on the ride with Collin, I got a phone call from Daniel."

"You're going back to work," I quickly said and Troy shook his head while sitting down next to me and pulling me into his lap. "No, Gabi, listen, he told me there is a trial for Collin. He qualifies for it and it could give him a chance." I looked at him and I pushed away but he pulled me close, "I told Daniel yes and we have three plane tickets to Tennessee tomorrow." I felt my jaw drop and I really pushed away from him this time and he let me go.

"Gabi," he stressed and I looked at him with tears in my eyes, "We're you going to actually give me a choice in this matter or were you going to completely take that away from me? We might be married but he is my son Troy!" he nodded his head in understanding, "Gabi, I know, I didn't want this spot and this chance to completely slip away from us. This trial has a good shot at giving him a lot longer life. You can't discredit that and it has a ton of promise. Please, Gabi, we have to go."

I shook my head as I went into the bathroom to get away, I needed to get away, "We don't have time to argue over this G, please, what if this trial actually works and cures somebody's cancer and we didn't give it a chance, we just stood by and let him die because we were too scared to give it a chance." His words rung in my ears while I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs. I didn't want to be here anymore and I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want anything anymore.

I felt my body shaking and I then started to laugh, I laughed until I was crying and then I was sobbing. I sat down on the floor and just sobbed until I felt his hand on my lower back. "Gabi," he whispered, "I am so sorry, I couldn't let that spot go to somebody else and just watch him die." I sat up as I looked at him and I pushed my palms into my eyes. "I'm pregnant, I am losing a son, and now you are telling me that we have to pack everything to go to fucking Tennessee." He pulled me into his lap and rested me against him, "I know, I know," he whispered against my ear, "I wish I could make all of this better. I wish I could make Collin better and I wish we could just be happy and I would let nothing bad happen to you."

I let out a sniffle as he rocked me gently, "I have been researching this trial for a while now, before Collin, and it has promising results through all the trials. I need you to trust me that this is a good option for him, I want to give him at least a fighting chance Brie, I want to see him win." I felt tears hit my collarbone and I looked up at him as he was staring straight ahead. "I wish I would have _fought_ for Baker. I wish I would have _told_ Callie this I needed to get her more treatment. Maybe she would still be around? It haunts me."

I felt his shoulders shake with anguish for his lost daughter and all of the cases that he went through. I knew Collin was pushing him over the edge and I wasn't sure if he would ever have a job in the future with this career even though he is fantastic at his job. I hugged him closer while I kissed shoulder as I rested my head onto his shoulder. I knew that I needed to go to St. Jude and let this happen to give Collin a chance but also to put Troy at ease.

Maybe it would put my mind at ease that I did everything that I could possibly do with Collin. It would help me sleep in the future and to tell his sibling that we fought till the very last day for Collin. I smoothed my fingers over Troy's as I blinked back tears because I knew Collin was going to absolutely hate every single minute of it and that he wasn't going to enjoy his final months because we were going to lock him to a hospital bed.

The mere thought caused my chin to quiver and my heart to ache but I had to give him a chance. "What time is our flight tomorrow?" I asked with a mini gasp coming from my throat. Troy exhaled and he buried his lips into my hair, "I love you so much Gabi," I felt my shoulders break as I knew we were going to have to do everything to make sure Collin didn't hate what he was doing but I also needed peace.

"I think once we get to Tennessee, I'm going to call up a friend from Med school and we are going to get this pregnancy confirmed and we are going to hear a heartbeat," he whispered into my ear, "we need some good news in our lives right now, and I know that this wasn't ideal with what you wanted for our future, hell, this isn't the right time for any of this." Troy stopped, "But it happened and it is a gift."

I nodded my head curling against his lap and his strong hands held me close. We stayed like this for several minutes, maybe hours, until I finally sat up wiping my tears away from my face. "I think I am going to go cuddle with Collin," I said quietly, I went to stand up but my legs were weak. Troy stabilized me with his two strong hands and he just nodded, he knew it wasn't worth the fight to keep me right here with him tonight. "Do you want to bring Collin to our bed?" he asked me, his voice gentle as if I was going to fall apart underneath his fingertips.

It very well could happen too.

Troy was having a hard time with this too, I knew this, I knew that he was struggling too. I just nodded my head, too broken to actually speak words and he stood up before going to get Collin himself. I crawled into bed with a wave of nausea hitting me but I just took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Troy came back in the room and his hands slid Collin next to me, then his body fell next to mine as we wrapped ourselves around Collin.

* * *

 _Monday, August 31_ _st_ _, 2015_

The silence in the room was deafening as we, Troy, explained that we were leaving for St. Jude's this morning for an experimental trial that Collin had qualified for. We were going to give it a shot and pray that it worked for him and we could treat his disease that was spreading rapidly. Troy's parents, mostly Lucy, look devastated and completely sick to her stomach. She left the room and Troy stood up to quickly follow as we were leaving in less than an hour.

Sam and Mariah came over to give a supportive hug as they whispered words of encouragement into my ear that this was the correct decision for all of us. Even if it doesn't help Collin, then we will know we at least gave it a chance. We fought it. We tried. Collin was up playing this morning with Ryan and Kale happy as could be, I just wanted everything to disappear but it wasn't going too. I sniffled back my tears when I looked up at the two women have I grown so close to over the past year.

"I guess Troy and I have some other news," I said as I played with the hem of my t-shirt that I was wearing. "What?" Mariah asked with a gentle look and I blinked back tears because I was tired and still wasn't sure what to feel about this impending news. "I'm pregnant," I hesitated with the words slipping off my tongue and the gasps filled the room as more hugs were given. "Oh Gabi," Sam whispered, she hugged me tightly because when faced with losing one child, there is an extreme difficulty to form happiness in welcoming another child.

"Oh sweetie, how long have you known?"

"Since the wedding night." I said quietly, "I wasn't feeling the greatest and I kind of just put it all together. At first I figured it was stress but the symptoms persisted so I took a test and…" I stopped because Troy's reaction caught me off guard that night. He was _upset_ but he also knew that this was a gift. This was something that was supposed to happen – good or bad.

My mouth formed words but nothing came out as I felt defeated, "We'll go start packing bags," Mariah said squeezing my knee, "It looks like you could use some rest or some time with Collin." I didn't say anything but they gave me another hug before they disappeared and I just sat there. "Gabi, Gabi,"

I looked up to see Sammy and she sat across from me, "Troy was looking for you." She said sitting across from me, I just nodded too numb anymore to speak. "He said you guys should be finishing packing and stuff but I figured you may not actually want to do that."

My hands covered my face while I took a deep breath but only a sob came out instead. Sammy wrapped her arms around me while holding my close. "I'm so sorry," she whispered into my ear, "You do not deserve this Gabi, you are an amazing woman and you are an amazing mother."

"He is going to hate me,"

"Troy won't hate you,"

"Collin," I corrected between my gasps for air, "Collin will be so angry," I whispered and Sammy just rubbed my arms with comfort when I heard Troy, "What happened? Is everything okay?" I constantly forget that most people don't know about the pregnancy, "She's just upset Troy, I mean, she's going to another place with her son who is just getting sicker and she's putting up a strong front for him,"

"Sammy, move," I felt her body move and then Troy's bigger body take her place. "I don't know what to feel," I whispered to him and Troy stroked my hair, "I know, I know," he pressed his lips into my temple while he breathed, but I felt his shoulders lower.

"We're going to be okay," he told me, "Okay? I know this is scary and I wish I had more to prepare you but I don't and that frustrates me even more. You deserve more." I looked at him for a split second and I could see the fear behind his eyes because he only ever wanted to do right by me. He only wanted to what was best and for once Troy Bolton had no idea what the best road was. He was lost and confused in the land he was currently in.

I exhaled as I tried to get my tears disappear because I realized I had to go back to what I told myself at the very moment that I decided I was going to be strong for Collin. I couldn't cry and I couldn't self-wallow. It ended here. I was married to an amazing man, I had my son in the current, and I was pregnant. Those were several things to be so thankful for right now and maybe the future was bleak but right now wasn't.

"I'm okay," I finally whispered as I forgot that Troy had spoken and I said nothing, "I'll be okay," I told him as I leaned forward to hide my face because I knew he knew that I was trying to tell myself that. I was trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay. Troy rubbed my back, "It's okay not to be okay Gabs, this is the worst thing,"

"I still have him though Troy," I pulled away to look into those pure ocean eyes, "I still have him in my grasp. I can still smell him and hug him and I need to hold onto the right now. I need to realize that I am married to a saint, I have a beautiful four-year-old, and that I am pregnant with a miracle baby that beat the odds of birth control." I could see the tears in Troy's eyes looking at me because of the last statement. "I need to cherish the moments I have now."

He nodded and I kissed him softly and I hugged him tightly, "Collin, come here sweetie," I heard the familiar giggles of Collin and I turned to see Sam chasing him but he collided with my leg first. "Hi buddy," I pulled him up onto my lap and he buried his face into my chest as I kissed the top of his fuzzy head. "How about we go on a plane today?" I asked him and he gave me a funny look, "Home?" he asked with curiosity, I shook my head though, "No, buddy, we are going to a different place."

He looked out the windows and pointed to the water, "I like the ocean," he confessed and I felt my heart crack a tad because I loved that he loved the ocean. My lips pressed into the top of his head and I held myself together, "Do you want to go take one more swim?" I asked him, he nodded his head and jumped off before running to find his swim suit. "I'll finish packing everything. You go sit by the ocean with him okay?"

I nodded and I kissed him one more time, "I love you," I reminded him and Troy smiled, "I love you too,"

* * *

I let the sand fall between my fingers and my brain thought about the next time I would be on the beach. I didn't want to think of that. I didn't want to think about the next time I was on a beach because there was so much uncertainty about the future. I felt the sand falling through and my body started to slip when my eyes flung open and I realized I was on a plane. I was high in the sky over the flyover states somewhere.

My head was propped against the side of the plane, Collin had his head in my lap from the exhaustion of the morning. His feet were propped up in Troy's lap and Troy was doing something on his iPad while rubbing his legs because we all knew Collin's legs were growing sore daily. His eyes flickered over the page he was reading before sliding it over and I caught the corner words about the trial. I knew Troy wouldn't sign Collin up if the trial would do more harm to him. He honestly thought there was something good and I had to trust him.

I have been trusting him with Collin for a year now and he had yet to fail me. I moved my hand and Troy turned his head as he gave me a tiny smile as we were both continued to do what we were doing before. I gazed out the plane window while continuing to let my brain continue to drift in a different direction. I felt Troy's hand reach over and gazed my stomach with his fingers and then let his hand settle in the one spot.

Goosebumps flew down my arm as I felt the excitement well up in my stomach because I really just wanted everything to work out. I wanted Troy to be happy and I wanted Collin to be happy. I needed everybody to be happy, his thumb went in a circle while he continued to read. My fingers raced across the top of Collin's head when I felt tears well in my eyes but I battled them back. "Troy, can you explain this treatment?" I asked quietly, "Of course," he said to me, he shut his iPad and then glanced down at Collin. "They are using a different chemo treatment to stop the growth and then to hopefully shrink the tumors. If they can get a lot of them small enough they will remove them in surgery."

"What about the ones in his brain?" I asked quietly, "They were small," Troy told me honestly, "If the treatment works and they stop and reduce the growth those will be the easiest part." I felt my gut tighten, "Has it worked before?" Troy nodded his head, "Fifty-fifty," I wanted to vomit and Troy grabbed my hand this time, "Do you have doubts Gabi?" I shook my head, "Troy, I was having thoughts before our wedding that we can't just let him not fight it. If he has a chance, I want him to have a chance."

Troy gave my hand a tight squeeze while I reached over to kiss him, "But we have to make these days good for him, we have to keep him happy Troy." He nodded his head while reaching down to rub his legs while the plane continued to glide through the air. "I am going to try and keep all of us happy Gabs, that is always my goal. To always make you happy. To make Collin happy." I smiled because I knew he wasn't lying to me.

My eyes grew heavy again while I let my head rest against the side of the wall again. My eyes went between open and close for a little bit until I felt the wheels release from underneath of us. I glanced over at Troy who was putting all of the toys away that Collin got out in the beginning of the flight before he fell asleep. He was growing more tired by the day and didn't want to do nearly as much throughout the day.

Collin stirred in my lap because he hates landing in any flight, he sat up and he began to whimper. He tried to crawl from his seat but his seatbelt held him back. I leaned over to kiss his head, "I know sweetie, you can be in my lap in just a second." He cried again and this time it was more of a sob, he reached for me with his skinny arms wanting to be in my grasp. "Hang on buddy," I looked out the window to see that we were almost on the ground.

Troy rubbed is legs and once I wouldn't pick him up, Troy became his next target. "Hey big guy," Troy tried to get him to calm down but he was becoming irrational. Once the wheels hit the ground, I unbuckled Collin and quickly had him in my grasp. His cries had turned to sobs while he buried his face into my chest while I tried to sooth him. "The difference in air pressure could have caused his pain to rise," Troy said as he began to dig through his backpack.

I kissed on him and whispered in his ear because I could feel his pain though his cries and I just wanted him to calm down.

* * *

Troy pulled up to the hospital and Collin was passed out on pain meds in the back of the car. "I think I am glad he is asleep for this," I told Troy, he nodded his head because we all knew how much Collin hated the hospital. He parked the car and we decided to get settled before bringing all of our stuff inside. We got out and Troy got Collin out of the back while he rested his head on Troy's shoulder. I grabbed his backpack full of stuff while we walked towards the doors.

This was the last hospital I was going to let him be at for trials. This was our stop and if this didn't work then back to an ocean we were going to go. I inhaled and exhaled while I tried to calm every nerve and fear. "When Baker got this sick we were thinking about a trial but we stopped because it was all happening so fast with her. It was rapid and Collin isn't rapidly getting worse. I think he has a shot at this Gabi, I can see all of your fears on your face and I feel them." We were stopped in front of the door because walking in meant we were doing this.

"I trust that this is going to be okay," I told him looking at him, "I trust you." He exhaled and we both walked in together with our hands clasped together tightly because we were doing this together. We made it to an elevator before we went to the oncology ward. "Have you met any of these doctors before?" I asked Troy, he nodded, "A couple. Conferences and stuff but I called one, Dr. Brynn Ash, she is pretty damn good at what she does and I trust her."

"Okay," my voice was small when Collin woke up adjusting his head and then looking at me with those brown eyes. "Hi buddy," the doors opened and Collin looked up and I could feel the meltdown. "Yucky medicine?" he asked me with a sad look and I didn't know what to tell him, "Maybe," Troy told him, "You might get some yucky medicine." Troy told him with honesty behind his answer. He started to cry trying to get away from Troy but he held onto him tightly.

"Troy," Troy turned to see a middle age woman who had called his name, she was wearing a lab coat with scrubs underneath. Her name was etched into the corner, Dr. Brynn Ash MD with oncology written underneath. She had a sticker on her scrubs possibly from a child who had a rough morning, Troy would let a kid stick a sticker to him after they pretended to give him a shot or something. I recognized the tactic, "Brynn," he said and reached out for her hand to shake it.

"It's nice to see you again," Brynn said with a smile, "Brynn, this is my wife Gabi and her, our, son Collin." Brynn almost looked a little shocked by the words that Troy spoke as I let my eye flicker to Troy to see his own reaction to the words. "Wow, I didn't know you got married and had another kid." Troy didn't seem to want to elaborate but let the story finish there. "Yes, I have." Brynn almost looked confused as to what was happening, "I thought when Daniel called it was just a patient."

Troy almost looked agitated, "Yes, he is a patient but he is almost near and dear to my heart. Daniel told me he had perfect qualifications for this trial,"

"His scans were old."

"Not that old," Troy argued, he exhaled and quickly gave me Collin as he pulled Brynn off to the side. They talked in hush whispers for a moment before Brynn walked off and Troy came back over to me, "What was that about?" I asked, Troy looked startled by the question, he rubbed his face and he sighed, "It is really a long story, if I promise to tell you after we are settled can we do that?" I just nodded my head and Troy happily let out a long breath.

"Mr. Bolton?" He looked up at a nurse and we all got up to follow knowing the drill. I put Collin down so they could weigh him and do his height. He had grown a couple of inches since the last time he was measured as he quickly crawled back into my lap. They put a blood pressure cuff around his arm while he buried his face into my neck. I kissed on him gently while Troy talked about his case. I let Troy do all the talking because Troy knew his case better than anybody.

"Brynn wants to run all of his scans and admit him to make sure he qualifies." Troy nodded because Troy knew that he qualified. "Okay," we got up and moved to another room while we changed Collin and put him into a gown. "He will sit still,"

"Bone marrow," the nurse stated, Troy nodded because that meant he was definitely going under and I knew that meant we were in for a long night. I inhaled as I kissed his forehead while we waited the long wait for radiology as Troy took my hand and rubbed it softly, "After Callie died, Brynn was working at the hospital I was doing my internship. We became a…thing." He said quietly, "It was nothing more than sex for me but it became more for her. She still isn't too fond of me anymore. I think when she saw me coming that it meant maybe I changed my mind or something. I don't know." He rubbed his face with his free hand.

"She is a quality doctor and I didn't want that to stand in between Collin and his health. She was working on this back at the hospital in Denver. I knew it was promising then and now it is coming alive in front of our eyes. I didn't tell you about her before because I didn't want that to be a reason to say no." I squeezed his hand and I looked over at him as I let my thumb run across his jaw. "Troy, we both have plenty of past relationships. I am not going to judge you for that nor am I angry. I'm glad you told me though."

He smiled, "I don't deserve you." I smiled leaning in to kiss him, "I don't deserve you," I whispered against his lips causing him to let a smile cross his face. A knock came at the door when Troy pulled back as radiology arrived. I put Collin on the bed as I kissed his forehead, "You are going to take a nap okay? Mommy will be here when you wake up," he whimpered and reached for Troy. Troy kissed his forehead and whispered in his ear. "I love you buddy," I whispered after and they wheeled him off.

I signed when Troy rubbed his hands over my shoulders, "C'mon," he picked up my hand as he took me off to the elevator. He pressed the 8 and we went up to the eighth floor. I gave him a questioning look but he let it go for a moment. Once the door opened I realized where we were, "Troy,"

"I told you, as soon as we had a moment," my eyes looked at the pregnant women sitting in the lobby and I remember the days where I had the big round belly with my mom sitting next to me. I took a deep breath because I knew these mothers had something wrong with their baby or needed special testing. No mom looks thrilled to be in this waiting room. I looked over at Troy and he talked to the front desk dropping a couple of names until a young female came out from the back.

"Look what the cat drug in," Troy threw on the million-dollar smile as he looked at her, "Carrie," he sang with a smile that caused my own stomach to tighten. He looked over at me with a smile and then back to her, "We need one confirmation of pregnancy," she gave him a look and then to me behind him, "Normal hospitals do that Troy," she declared and he sighed hoping he wouldn't have to go that far. "Her son is downstairs having scans done to be tested for Brynn's trial," Carrie's mouth flat lined with this information. "I'm so sorry," she said looking up at me and this felt like a kick to my stomach vs. pleasure.

I just nodded my head because I didn't have words, "C'mon," she said and Troy followed her and his hand grasped mine to follow him. I inhaled sharply while I followed and Troy rubbed his thumb into my palm with reassurance. We were pulled back into a room and I sat on the table as Troy talked to Carrie for another moment before giving me his full attention.

"Need to pee?" he asked and I smiled knowing the drill. This was something that I knew how to handle.

* * *

"How do you know Carrie?" I asked as we waited for her to come back with test results after I peed and they took blood from me. "We were both residents at the hospital for a while. She ended up getting a better off elsewhere and took off. She was around for the whole Brynn episode so she knows a lot about that. We were just good friends." He said and I looked at him with a nod, "It must be nice having friends everywhere."

He smiled, "It is nice." I turned my head to face Troy and he reached over to play with my hair. "Are you ready?" he asked me and I shrugged, "I just…I want time to slow down." I told him honestly and Troy nodded in understanding. "I know Brie," the softness of his voice caused tears to form in my eyes as I took a deep breath. The door opened up a second later and Carrie stepped through. "You're definitely pregnant," she announced and I felt a tiny relief roll off my shoulders.

She sat down on the rollie chair as she scooted closer to the both of us. "You seem to be about 5-6 weeks along. Not very far." She declared with an honest hand laid out in front of her. "Do you want to see this little one or what? It seems you could use some good news," she declared and I nodded my head, "Yes, please,"

"I'm assuming you know these first ultrasound is not the greatest," I nodded again, "Yes, but it is worth it," she agreed while I got myself situated as Troy kissed my forehead. It took a couple minutes of discomfort but that beautiful sound echoed throughout the room causing tears to well up in my eyes because I knew no matter what that this baby was going to be so loved in this world. She pointed out the little body that was slowly forming.

"Let me print you some pictures," she said and then it was over. The heartbeat gone and the pictures evaporated from the screen. She left the room to let me change but I just wanted to cry. I sat up but only tears rolled down my face and Troy stood up to hold me in his grasp. His lips pressed to the top of my head, "What are you feeling?" he asked me after a moment, "I'm so happy about this Troy," he pulled away to see my face and once he knew I wasn't lying to him relief washed over him but seconds later the emotion changed to anguish.

"But," I started, "Everything will Collin makes this so much sadder." I declared and Troy naturally agreed causing the tears to fall between the both of us. "We are going to get through all of this Gabi, okay? I will be here the entire time and I will love you the entire time." I held onto his strong body while pressing my face into his neck. "I love you," I told him and he kissed just below my ear, "I love you too."

* * *

Troy's POV

Darkness had fallen over the hospital as it was late into the night. Gabi and Collin were curled up on a bed together as the afternoon was rocky after he woke up from testing. I watched both of them when a knock came onto our door. Brynn was standing there and I got up as I walked with her until we reached a private area. "He's a perfect candidate," she told me and I nodded my head because I already knew this.

"Can you help him?" I asked, I begged, and she nodded, "I'll try my hardest Troy but you have to know, this is just a trial, there is no guarantee." I felt my chest tighten and tears pooled in my eyes because as a doctor I _knew_ this but I didn't want to believe it as a father to him. I wanted 100% chance of making him better. I just wanted him to be better. "How long have you guys been married?" she asked and I let out laugh.

"Three days," I answered in reply and she looked over at me a little shocked. "Once we found out Collin's cancer came back we knew that we had to do it before things got bad. We went down to San Diego, where she is from, and spent time down there. I think we both realized in those days that we need to put in the extra fight for him. We got married, we were celebrating at Disneyland when Daniel called saying he had gotten him into your trial."

"Anything for Daniel," she said and I nodded because we all loved him, "Is he yours?" she asked and I sighed, "Legally, yes. Biologically? No." she nodded her head in understanding that just because he wasn't my blood I was still his dad. I still loved him like I loved Baker all those moons ago. "Were you his doctor in the beginning?" she asked and I nodded, "Yes, she came in and she was just one of those mothers who was going to do anything and everything for her son. She was so broken when I told her that he had cancer."

"It's only been a year since the first?" I again nodded my head as I looked at her, "We've been together since last October. It has been pure magic ever since in my life. She is what I needed so I transferred his case to Kyle and well…here we are." Brynn nodded her head with sympathy, "I just want him to be better. Gabi is pregnant and I just…"

"She's pregnant?" Brynn asked and my head bobbed up and down, "6 weeks, she found out the night after our wedding." Brynn shared a look with me and I just started to laugh as then the tears started to fall because listening to myself say all of these things they sound utterly ridiculous. She gave me a hug and I took a deep breath, "I told myself that I could never do this again but here I am trying to throw the hail Mary with Co and rescue her."

"We're going to try everything we can Troy, come here." She pulled me towards the back and she opened the door to an x-ray reading room. She put up two x-rays and turned on the screen as I looked between the two, "Is this the new scan?" I asked point to the scan on the right. She shook her head and I turned to give her a funny look, "These tumors are smaller than these," I said pointing to the one on the left.

"I know, I double checked the name, time, and date on each of them Troy. His tumors shrunk without any chemo." I felt my eyebrows pull together in confusion. I tried to find words to speak but nothing was coming from my mouth. Every time I had an idea nothing would actually come out.

"Troy, I was shocked myself but that little boy is already fighting, he is fighting and I think this will help him." I looked at her and I just nodded my head because I had nothing else, "Thank you Brynn," she nodded her head, "Go makes sure they are okay," I nodded as I went back to the room as Gabi was whispering a story into Collin's ear and I watched them from the doorway as silent tears ran down my face watching them together.

Collin turned his head and looked at his mom with happiness in his eyes as he reached up to play with a strand of her hair and she showered him with love. "Where is dad?" his voice was quiet but Gabi looked over to the chair before moving her eyes to where I was standing, "I'm right here," I said and Collin looked over at me with a smile, "Come here," he said and I could never say no so I squeezed on the other side of him and he giggled between the two of us.

"You okay?" Gabi asked and I just nodded my head, "Just a long day," I declared. She reached over and let her hand rest on my shoulder as she gently rubbed it. "He starts treatment tomorrow," I told her and her eyes found mine. A sense of sadness were behind them and she just nodded, "Okay, do you think we can find time to let him go outside and play for just a little bit before we hook him up to machines?"

I smiled, she wanted to see his innocence one last time.

"Of course."

* * *

 _Tuesday, September 1_ _st_ _, 2015_

Gabi's POV

I watched Collin run on the playground and I wondered to myself if this would be the last time I would get to see this. I knew the chemo was going to make him weak and vulnerable. There would be no outside time. If he made it through better, I would cherish this memory but if he didn't make it through I would wonder if I made the right decision from the very beginning. He laughed as Troy chased after him through the jungle gym and across the ground.

A couple of other kids mulled around some of them looked sick and some of them looked like siblings whose parents were just trying to release their energy they had stored. The seat moved next to me and I looked over to see Sammy, Lucille, and Jack all filing in next to me. "You guys, what are you doing here?" I asked because I knew how devastated Lucille was about the cancer coming back. I knew this was going to destroy her all over again.

I felt terrible that I was once again exposing this family to the harsh effects of cancer. "We came to support you and Troy. We all have a couple of days to take off and we wanted to spend them with you guys. You are not anywhere that makes sense and you two could use the support." I smiled hugging all of them when I heard Collin's squeal, "Grandma, Grandpa!" he quickly latched onto them and Troy smiled watching as he hugged his sister.

"No Marcus?" Troy asked and Sammy shook her head, "He had a big thing going on at work this week. He sends his support." Collin was wrapped around Lucy as he was telling her about anything that was everything to him and it made my heart warm knowing that he had a grandmother figure in his life. He had a moment of that love that he doesn't remember from my mom. Troy came over and leaned to whisper into my ear, "Should we tell them?" I nodded my head and he smiled, "Ma, dad," he paused as he got their attention.

"Gabs and I have some other news to share too…" his eyes found mine and I squeezed his hand to let him know that he could say it. He raised an eyebrow at me to reassure but I just nodded, "Gabs it pregnant," my eyes watched all of their faces change from extreme excitement to worry etched between each line on their face. "That is wonderful news!" Lucy said to me and she then reached over to grab me in a hug, "I know how you are feeling," she whispered and I closed my eyes wondering what she meant by that statement.

I pulled back to look her in the eyes and she gave me shoulder a gentle squeeze. Jack was the next to hug me and then Sammy grinned, "That is super exciting news." I nodded and Troy pulled out the sonograms to show off to his family and they gushed over the little sac and the outline of what will be a baby eventually. "Gabi," I heard Lucy's voice and I looked up at her, "Let's go for a walk," I nodded and we both stood up as Troy gave me a look but I smiled in return.

We began to walk along the sidewalk while we stayed quiet for a minute and then she exhaled, "When Sammy was going through treatments I found out I was pregnant again. I don't know what Troy has ever told you but Sammy had it much worse than Troy ever had it. It was just so much harder and worse than hers. We found out we were pregnant right in the middle of treatments and I couldn't figure out if this is what was supposed to happen. I had a child who was barely living but yet I was pregnant with another,"

My eyes looked at her and she gave me a weak smile, "I was so stressed I quickly lost the baby, which I do not want you to worry about because I had come to terms that it was a beautiful thing that I got pregnant but it wasn't the time for me. I want you to learn from my mistakes to take a step back and just let things happen and let the stress go for you, for the baby, and for Collin." I looked at her with growing pools of tears and she squeezed my shoulder gently.

"I was at first upset to be pregnant but then I figured so much happened for me to get pregnant that this was meant to be. I don't want to lose this baby because maybe this will keep Troy and I together even if things go badly with Collin or something…" Lucille hugged me tightly after that sentence while I babbled about stupid things. "Troy will not leave your side for five seconds if you don't want him too, you'll have a hard time pushing him away too."

I nodded and she smiled, "Hearing that things were going badly with Collin were awful but I want nothing more for you to remain in our lives. We want to be with Collin through these days because no matter what he has formed a special place in my heart." I smiled and I thanked her as she smiled, "So I am going to make sure you stay stress free because you deserve this Gabi," I nodded and she smiled at me again before we both laughed and hugged again.

Our life was a trial because every day we were testing ourselves to different capacities. Life was one long trial and when we were faced with the most difficult trials of our lives we quickly learned who we needed a part of our lives. I was taking a leap of faith with letting people experiment on my child. I was taking a leap of faith with this pregnancy. I was taking a leap of faith with the love and marriage that I just committed to with Troy Bolton.

Deep in my heart I knew this is what I needed to do but deep down I was so scared. I just wanted the hard times to be over and the easy times to come but will any moment after this be easy? There is no guarantee.

* * *

 **Oh boy. I am so sorry guys. College is kicking my ass BUT it is Thanksgiving break so I am hoping to also get a chapter to Ace out this week! It is my goal to either have it posted or for it to be almost done when I get back! Then I have three weeks before I have a month off so expect more chapters during that time! I promise I am trying my hardest! You guys are amazing for sticking with me!**

 **Have a great Thanksgiving!**

 **Please Review!**


	37. 5 Stages of Grief

Chapter 37 – 5 stages of grief

* * *

" _The trouble is; you think you have time."_

Time passes by faster and faster the old you get. When you were young it felt like the school days would drag and the years would just last forever because you wanted summer to arrive. Summer seemed to drag on too when you just wanted school to start again to see all of your friends in the same place. Yet, as you got older and the decisions got harder time sped up. You had more to do in such little time. Everything flies by when you are trying to get it to slow down just long enough to enjoy.

All day fly by and then when you feel like time is completely running out you panic. You begin to do everything you can to drag your feet through the mud to just slow time down enough to enjoy every little thing that you have left and you only begin to do this when you know that your time is limited. The moment my mom died was the moment I realized that I didn't have forever. I had to enjoy my time with Collin and make sure that I was always there for him.

Then Collin's cancer diagnosis came and suddenly time seemed to vanish in front of our eyes. We were spending all of our time at the hospital or being locked in a room because we couldn't be anywhere else. Time was flying and then when the final verdict came down that there was nothing that could be done for him there was no time left. It was just a spinning clock moving faster and faster until the hands were growing to break off from utter exhaustion.

I was exhausted.

So exhausted.

I was exhausted from watching my son fight for his life every single day. I was ready for him to stop fighting.

I was accepting this fate.

And that caused everything in me to stall and become scared as hell because I was realizing that he was in too much pain to go on.

* * *

 _Tuesday, September 15_ _th_ _, 2015_

Collin puked into a bucket because the chemo effects were so harsh on him and he hated it. They were causing every awful reaction that was possible to the chemo but it was important we persisted with the treatment. We had discussed several times since starting treatment of just stopping to let him live but his tumors were shrinking.

It gave me so much hope in the fact that they were shrinking and it was working. I rubbed his back in an even motion as he just cried and cried. I wanted to do everything I could to make him feel better but nothing was working. Once I cleaned him up, I moved so he could sit in my lap and he buried his face into my chest while I just rocked him while giving him another dose of morphine to make him sleep just for a little bit. I needed him to just sleep for a little bit.

Troy was constantly researching something or doing something to keep his mind busy from this awful times. He would stop though and switch me spots every now and then to give me a ten second break to breath and to just cry for a minute. I just needed to cry several different times and it normally led to sleep which was also much needed. Collin shook against my chest and I rubbed his back because he just needed love.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked him quietly as I watched the nurse switch out his bedding, I thanked her and we then laid back down onto the bed. I scrolled through until I found a movie that he wanted to watch. He laid content in my arms while Troy came back into the room with his face so stressed. He was trying everything, I patted the spot next to me and his eyes were so heavy and tired. "Come sit with us Troy and watch a movie."

"Gabs, I am trying to figure out how to keep his nausea at bay," I shook my head, "Come sit." I demanded, "As your pregnant wife, I need you to come lay with us for a little bit." He sighed defeated and finally came over to the other side of Collin as he picked him up and scooted onto the bed letting Collin rest against him. I snuggled into Troy's body and he exhaled while laying down letting his eyes fall close almost immediately.

I didn't say anything as I only adjusted the blankets while we all rested together in the bed. Sammy came in at one point and she smiled, "He needed that," I nodded looking up at him to see him fast asleep. "He just won't stop long enough to actually do it." She pulled up a chair to see what movie we were watching. "I'm sorry you are going through all of this." She said putting her chin into the palm of her hand. "It's okay," I reminded her and she sighed, "You don't deserve this."

"Nobody deserves this," Sammy didn't say anything but only shrugged as if she knew people that should feel this pain. I closed my eyes because if I kept them open any longer I was going to cry. I breathed in and out and I looked over at her, "Pregnancy hormones and this together don't mix." Sammy laughed and nodded, "I bet it doesn't." Troy twitched in his sleep and Collin curled into his body releasing me from the bed.

"Do you guys want a break tonight together?" I shook my head, "I'm not leaving him right now. I can't." Sammy didn't protest but she knew what I was saying. Who knew what could happen overnight and if I wasn't here and something happened to him. I would absolutely never forgive myself. He needed to know that I was always there for him and he could always count on me. I have been there since day one for him and it has mostly always been the two of us.

I sat up and grabbed the side of the bed as I put my feet on the ground and then scanned the board in front of me.

 _Bolton-Montez, Collin_

 _Neuroblastoma – Trial Patient_

My stomach twisted reading the words on the board and then I felt like puking after that. I couldn't tell if it had been morning sickness or just the feeling of losing your child. My eyes welled with tears as I walked to the bathroom. I shut the door, turned on the shower, and then sat on the edge of the toilet as I let the tears fall off my face. The tears turned to sobs that I muffled with burying my face into my hands because the pain was increasing. My heart was shattering with every minute that Collin was suffering and I didn't know how to help him.

I just wanted to help him and anymore I figured helping him would be letting him just pass and be pain free for once in his short life. I heard the door open and a person slid next to me wrapping me in their arms. "Oh sweetie," Lucy whispered into my ear as I turned into her for a hug. She held me tightly and didn't let go until my sobbing subsided.

I didn't move because I lost my strength and will to do so and I kept my head tucked close to hers. "You are being so incredibly strong for Collin and Troy. I know you know that Troy is absolutely struggling right now with the small thought of losing Collin. He is scared out of his mind of losing him and then losing you in the process. We both know you know that and deep down you keeping yourself together helps him but you hurt more than anybody else right now."

Her fingers grazed my back while trying to comfort me as I just closed my eyes for a brief moment because more tears welled deep in my eyes. "You are his mother and you are wanting to protect him. You just want to wrap him up and protect him like you are told to do from the very beginning. You are watching high doses of poison enter his body and then him get violently sick with little hope of this even helping. It always destroyed me because I just wanted to unplug them and hold them close to me until they felt better. Every single time. Every single child including Baker."

I pulled back to look in her face because she knew what I was feeling to a point. "Sammy was the closest to death for me. She got very sick and was in the hospital for a very long time. There were times they wondered if she was going to make it and it always scared me and we had our days where we discussed it and it was _so_ hard for me to even do that. You are facing it and you are doing the best you can. Those tears are not a sign of a weakness Gabi, don't let anybody tell you that. They are a sign of your heart breaking because you can't do what you are supposed to do for your child. You can't protect him from this."

I just nodded my head while she hugged me tightly again, "You are doing what you can Gabi, you are holding him, rocking him, and doing the best to keep his spirts high. Troy is doing what he can do best by looking for medical ways for all of it to stop and for you guys to be frozen in a bubble."

My fingers swiped under my eyes as Lucy handed me a tissue to wipe my nose, "I am so scared that we are doing this for nothing." I told her honestly, "That he is going through all of this pain for nothing and that just scares me. I just want to do everything right and I have no idea what right is anymore. I am scared." Lucy nodded her head in understanding, "That is completely normal Gabi, you have every right to be scared. This is a scary concept and you are right…you have no idea what is right for him but you would never know if this treatment works for him unless you tried it. I think you made a good choice by bringing him here."

"It was mostly for Troy," I told her honestly, "He has regrets about not doing more for Baker." Lucy looked pained thinking about it, "I always knew Troy wanted to do more but never had the chance because Callie just didn't want to put Baker through anymore suffering. She just didn't want to fight it and Troy didn't know enough at that point to fight it for the guilt. He always wondered if they fought it if Callie would be around still. He thought that she had guilt about not trying hard enough."

"He is so scared that I am going to do the same thing." I sniffled and I shook my head with a laugh, "I think me being pregnant was the best thing because he knows that I am a mother and will never leave my other child." Lucy smiled rubbing my back, "You have another blessing with you and I know you do not want to think about losing Collin but there is a reason you have another little one on the way." I nodded looking over at her and she squeezed my shoulder.

"When Sammy told me you came in here I knew it wasn't to shower. I did the same exact thing many, many times. I knew this was the safest place to let all of my tears just fall but I had so many people not help me and I want to be here for you. I need to be here for you because this breaks my heart that it is happening again in my life. I just want everybody in my families to be happy and healthy and never, never see cancer effect any of our lives ever again."

I laughed agreeing and she smiled a sad smile, "Troy told me your concerns with two of my kids having cancer and you producing a child with two parents who both have kids with cancer. I wish I could tell you that it will all be fine but…I can never promise you that. You are amazing mother though and you deserve to be a mother to another baby. You deserve to have that love between you and another child. You will _always_ have Collin. He will _always_ be your son and do not let anybody tell you different."

"Lucy, I can never thank you enough for this."

"I can never express how sorry I am for you being in this situation," she hugged me again and I just held on because what else could I do right now? It was this or fall apart. I chose this.

* * *

 _Thursday, September 17_ _th_ _, 2015_

Troy's POV

My brain read through the journals at fast pace trying to find something that I can do to save Collin and ease all of the nausea he was experiencing with this chemo. There was no other chemo so we couldn't just try something else. My brain had a thunderous headache because I don't remember the last time I slept for more than two hours. Collin was up most of last night getting sick repeatedly and he wasn't eating or drinking anything. It was just dry heaving.

He was in so much pain lately and I could see Gabi's heart breaking in front of my face. It broke my heart because I couldn't do anything to help her. Sammy told me she broke down the other day during my nap and I began to doubt my choices on letting this happen. A knock came at the door and Brynn was standing on the other side with coffee in her hand. "What are you doing in here?" she asked as she sat across from me sliding a cup of coffee closer to me.

"I am trying to help Collin; I need to help him." She pulled the journal away from me and tossed it onto the ground with my protests. "I'm sorry, you are making my brain hurt." I inhaled and took a long drink from my coffee wishing it had a little bit of something else in there. "Troy, I told you. This stuff is nasty and will destroy everything that Collin has in his body. You cannot help the puking, I mean, you could probably give him pot but also child services might have something to say about that."

I laughed and nodded but maybe I could use some pot to help me sleep for a while. I tilted my head back and look at the ceiling, "This is crushing Gabi, she doesn't want the end of his life to be like this." Brynn laughed, "Hopefully this isn't the end of his life."

"What are we doing here Brynn? Prolonging it for a few months?" Brynn shook her head, "This is supposed to be a cure Troy, this is supposed to rid cancer with no monthly treatment." I looked at her because I already knew this but how likely was it to happen. "I know what you are thinking and it has happened for some of my patients. This is year three for the trial and you have seen the results." I nodded my head while I felt my head slip with burying my face into my arms.

"I just want this part to be over then Brynn, I can't watch him cry all night from the pain and the nausea. Baker was happy until the very end and I could do that. I just wanted to give him a chance." Brynn rubbed my arm, "You are doing exactly that Troy, you are giving him a chance and I know watching him go through it sucks but it has to be done." I felt the first couple of tears slip as I didn't move but Brynn knew me too well. Way too well in the aspect of tears.

"I know you want to tell Gabi everything on your mind and I also know you can't because you just want to protect her so just let me in," I laughed crying into my hands, "I can't lose her Brynn," the laughing turned to sobs of fear just thinking about it. "I can't lose Gabi because she is the only thing holding me together right now. She is the only light to my life." I whispered as I cried and cried because every time I looked at Collin I froze with fear because he is linked with Gabi's happiness which scares me so much.

"She isn't going to leave you. She is pregnant."

I shook my head, "If Collin dies she will never want to be a mother again because of the familiar fear of just losing a child hurts so god damn bad," I rubbed my face trying to stop the tears but I could see Brynn's face looking at me with complete concern. "I did the same thing Gabi did after Baker died, I swore I was never having another kid because that pain is _unbearable_ and it is so deep inside that it rips every single day to not have the one thing that motivated you through med school." I paused as I thought of Baker's smile and her complete happiness that was everywhere when she was little.

"I would lay awake at night and just cry because there was no other feeling and I told myself I could never do this again. I could never let my heart completely shatter because of one little girl who meant the world to me and here I am." I spread my palms on the table as the tears were just a stream now. "Here I am watching my son die because of the same cancer and my heart is shattering. It took me years to realize that I could have another kid and be okay but can Gabi actually do it back to back?"

I looked at Brynn who was crying herself and she reached over for a hug, "She can do it Troy, she's a mother. She has unconditional love for all of her children without having to think about it. She will forever hold Collin dear to her heart and she will never be the same if she loses him but she also will never harm another child because like you said – she already knows the pain of losing one children. She will never want to experience the thought of losing another."

My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose and I exhaled, "I then question if I can do this again," Brynn sighed, "Troy, you are an amazing person. Losing Collin, if it happens, will be horrendous and awful but you have to know that you did nothing wrong with his case. Everybody would have done the same exact thing and it is just the cancer. Cancer is the devil and losing another child to the devil will be terrible. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I hope you _never, never, ever_ go through this pain ever again. You do not deserve any of this, do you understand? You always fight for everybody you know Troy and now it is time for me to fight for you."

I grabbed her in a painful hug and she hugged me tightly back, "Now go find your wife and be with her right now okay? You both need each other more than you need me." I nodded pulling away and I quickly got up because Gabi is exactly who I needed right now. I walked ten steps and found her leaning against the wall. I pulled her into my body without her even noticing me and she just accepted it and gripped my body to hers.

"I love you so much," I whispered into her ear and she cried into my shoulder while I just held onto her because we both needed each other.

* * *

 _Denial_

 _Gabi's POV_

"He's getting better," I encouraged as we had another round of scans taken and I could see Troy's face that was a shade whiter but he just nodded his head, "He's getting better." Troy tried to agree and I smiled, "His cancer is disappearing." I encouraged and I finally heard somebody clear their throat behind me. "You guys, I don't know what scan you are looking at but those tumors are not shrinking."

Troy laughed, "Brynn, look at these! They look so much better!" Brynn looked at the both of us like we were crazy. "I want to take Collin outside, is that okay?" I asked looking over at Brynn and she shook her head, "You guys are in complete denial about his state right now. You need to start thinking about preparing good-byes." I looked at her and Troy stopped as he twisted around to face the scans again, "Brynn, I don't understand."

"Troy, get your head out of your ass. His condition is quickly deteriorating in front of our eyes and I have been trying to prepare you guys for it." I shook my head, "You are lying to us," Brynn looked between the two of us and she shook her head and began to walk out of the room. I looked at Troy and I then looked at the scans, "Troy, he's getting better, right?" he looked at the scans closely and he exhaled, "Let's just go see Collin,"

We walked down the hallway and into the room where Collin looked so pale and was asleep, I crawled into the bed next to him as I snuggled closer to him. His body was cold and I inhaled hoping that everything I was feeling wasn't what I thought I was feeling.

This was not denial. I knew my son was getting better. His puking was subsiding and he was just sleeping more. He was going to be fine. Yet, his cold hands used to be warm as a fire and his cheeks used to be pink.

I shook all of those thoughts out of my head as I just held him close to me and Troy pulled the phone up to his ear as he was talking to somebody. I looked at Collin as he opened his eyes and those bold brown stared right back at me. I smiled at him, "How are you feeling little man?" he shrugged and looked over at Troy who was on the phone. "Daddy," his voice was weak but it was stronger than yesterday. Troy looked over at us and he quickly ended the phone call.

"What's up big man?" Troy knelled down next to him and kissed on his face causing a small laugh from Collin. Troy smiled down at him while he looked up at me and he exhaled, "Gabs, we need to talk for a minute." I looked up at him and I gave him a curious look, he pulled me up and his hands covered the small baby bump forming already.

"Maybe we should start thinking about letting Collin go," Troy's words were short and he wasn't sure if those were the right words but I just laughed, "You're crazy Troy, why would we do that? He is going to be okay." I protested and Troy shook his head as tears filled his eyes, "Gabi, I don't know if they can fix him anymore. This might be his end." I laughed shaking my head, "Troy they must have mixed up the results or it's the wrong scan. He is fine."

I shook my head and Troy grabbed my arms to pull me in but I pulled away, "You're a liar Troy, you are lying to me and I hate you," I tried to push him away but he just held me closer and I started to cry. "He isn't dying Troy, I would know, I would know if he was dying."

"I know Brie, I know," he rubbed my back for a while until my tears stopped producing and he looked at me with those concerned blue eyes, "It's okay," he encouraged and I turned to look at Collin who was drifting in and out of conscious with his pale face and those brown eyes held little life. I looked at Troy and I put a smile on my face, "He isn't going to die Troy, he will always be here with me until I die. I am going to die first."

Troy wanted to protest but his mouth stopped short and he looked at me with complete concern, "I'm sorry." He told me simply and he kissed me forehead. I went back over to Collin and I snuggled up with his body. He shifted into my arms and I smiled holding him because it wasn't going to happen.

* * *

 _anger._

I marched through the hallways until I got to Brynn's office and I opened the door to see her and somebody else standing in her office but that wasn't going to stop me. "You promised you were going to give him a chance and he is _dying."_ Brynn looked shocked as her eyes looked at me which probably was a scary scene. I have not had a shower in days, I have been crying all day because it hit that he was dying and I couldn't save him.

My eyes were blood shot and I was shaking from anger. "You gave me hope and I thought you were going to do something but all you have done is poison him and he is _so sick_ all of the time." Brynn excused herself from the person she was talking to and she looked at me taking a step closer. "I am so sorry Gabi; I don't know what else we can do for him." I shook my head, "No, that isn't acceptable. You need to fix him like you promised."

She gave me another surprised look and she just nodded her head, "You've come to an understanding that he can't be fixed Gabi, he just wants to be with his mom. You should go be with him." She was trying to be gentle but I shook my head, "Do not tell me how to be a mom. You need to be his doctor and you are sitting here talking to somebody instead of fixing him! I need you to fix him, I can't lose him. I cannot lose him." Sobs began to roll through my chest as I felt a pair of arms slid around my shoulders pulling me closer but I pulled away from him.

"You promised, you promised," I dipped my head as I couldn't shake my anger. I couldn't shake how my hopes skyrocketed and now were being shattered in front of my eyes. "Oh Gabi," Brynn said quietly and I could hear the instant pity making me angrier than before. My shoulders shook with vibrant anger and when I looked up I felt like I could only see red. I felt his hands wrap around my shoulders and he eased me back. "You are an awful human for letting me think you could do _anything_ for my son." Brynn went to say something but I cut her off.

"You are a miserable doctor who just wants to try and poison kids full of drugs and see how far they will go. You will try anything to see if something will magically work and he isn't a damn rat. He is my little boy with brown eyes that used to be full of life. They are dead now and his skin is getting colder and colder. I want him to be warm and my bubbly little boy. I want him to laugh and play but he is only laying in a bed crying because he hurts so much between the mouth sores and the pain." My words were getting cut apart with sobs as I looked at her as she just stared at me with wide green eyes.

"My little boy loved to play in the outdoors with a big smile and eat Parks burgers left and right. He now only eats by a feeding tube and cries anytime you ask him to eat actual food. I want my baby back. I just want him back and I want to cuddle with him one last time before you take him from me. I just want him back for one day. I want to do this over and you robbed me of that chance because you somehow convinced Troy and his doctors to do this stupid trial." My knees almost buckled but I held my ground as I looked her in the eyes. "My child is _dying_ and you aren't doing anything. I need you to do something because I can't lose him. I cannot lose him."

"Gabi," Troy's voice finally filled the room and I turned towards him as I pushed him gently, he stumbled backwards and his blue eyes flashed with a deep hurt but it wasn't getting to me right now because I just wanted somebody to fix Collin, "I am so _angry_ at you for letting you talk me into this. I knew I should've never done this. I should've stayed at the beach where Collin and I could both breathe fresh air and not hear constant beeping and monitors. Where I could have soaked up the sun with Collin playing in the waves. I could have been so happy at the beach but yet here I am in a hospital where she is letting my son die and you talked me into it."

Troy tried to say something but I just shook my head, "No, Troy, you don't understand. You didn't have to watch your daughter suffer through endless amounts of toxic chemo to see if maybe this will work. You didn't have to see him ask you to stop the yucky medicine so that he can feel normal once more but we can't give him that chance anymore. It's too late. I can't give him one more day to be a normal little boy because he is dying and I am losing him. I am losing him and you guys pushed me into this. This wasn't what I wanted for him. I never wanted this for him. I just wanted him back. I want him back and I want my little boy."

"I'm so sorry Brie, I'm so sorry, I wanted the same thing. You know that, you know I just wanted Collin to get better." I looked at him and his blue eyes grew a little wider as I was slipping from his grasp and I was spiraling before anything actually happened, "You have every single right to be angry Gabi, every single right to be angry at this world and at me but you have to understand that I wanted the same thing. I love Collin so much,"

"But I am his mother, I love him more. I love him so much more." My words cracked at the end and my stomach throbbed with pain as he reached for me but I shook my head, "Now we are going to have another kid and now both of us have had a kid with cancer and we are probably going to lose another kid together and we will have no more marriage. We will have nothing left so stop trying so hard. Stop,"

The words rolled off my tongue and Troy looked hurt but only for a moment. He reached for me again but I just shook my head with tears coming from what felt like every single part of my body. His arms reached around me though and I tried to fight him off. I pushed him and I tried to get away but I broke down into sobs so loud and terrifying that I just couldn't fight anymore. I tried to push him away once more but he only pulled me closer and tighter to his body until I gave in and folded over crying. "You promised," I kept saying over and over again.

Troy had sat down on the ground and he held me to his body while pressing his lips to my temple repeating that he knows over and over. I grabbed his hand as I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted the anger to disappear because even though he was holding me, I still felt it. I felt the anger. He talked me into this and he was the one who did the paperwork. "Why did we do this Troy?"

"I don't know baby, I don't know," I felt my body buckle with the pain as I just laid in his arms and cried because that is all I had left right now.

* * *

 _Bargaining_

"You need to go apologize to Brynn," Troy said as we both were lying beside Collin as last night he had a better night and Troy explained to me exactly what I did yesterday because I don't remember much. "I know," I said softly and Troy reached over to grab my hand and I exhaled looking down at Collin who was peacefully sleeping. "You should probably go now instead of later; Collin has been extra clingy to you."

"I need to apologize to you as well." I said sitting up to look at him, "What I said yesterday was completely out of line. You do know what I am feeling and you do know the struggle. That wasn't fair of me to say to you. I was just so angry yesterday. I didn't know who to take my anger out on and Brynn was just there and you were just there and it happened. I am sorry." He got up and came over to me wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head.

"Brie, I know how hard this is for you right now. You are allowed to be as angry as you need to be. You have been thrown a shit hand." His arms wrapped around me and he kissed the side of my head while holding me close. "I love you Gabi, I know yesterday wasn't you. It was a mom who is grieving." I felt my tears pool because I didn't deserve his love. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve this. I inhaled and kissed the side of his head. "I love you too T,"

He grabbed me in a tight hug and then he rubbed my belly with a tiny smile, "We're going to get through this Gabi," I just nodded my head and I took a step away from him. "I'm going to see if I can find Brynn." Troy nodded and I walked out into the hallway as I looked around before walking to the nursing counter. "Is Dr. Brynn around?" the nurse hesitated for a moment and she looked up at me, "She's in her office."

I thanked as I walked around and I stood in front of the door as I quietly hesitated before knocking gently. "Come in," she called and I pushed the door open to see her reading over something and her eyes leveled with mine. "Here to yell at me some more," she asked and I took a deep breath and I shook my head, "I came to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I never meant to say half of those things. I was frustrated and angry yesterday."

Brynn looked up taking off her glasses and she nodded her head, "I understand. This is a very frustrating and terrifying process you are going through. I told you bad news over the past couple of days and you are just trying to process it." I sat down in the chair across from her desk and I looked at her, "Is there anything, absolutely _anything_ I can do to make him better. I will do anything Brynn, I'll do anything,"

"Gabi, we are doing everything we can do. There is nothing more."

"I can't donate my kidney or liver or I'll even donate my heart if I have too. I will do anything to let him live." Brynn looked across her desk at me and she almost seemed heartbroken staring at me. There were no sobs from me but only tears that were streaming down my face. "I will have an abortion and do anything to save him Brynn. I need him and I will do anything." She got up and came over to the other side as she sat across from me.

"Gabi, I wish it was that simple. I could have done a transplant a long time ago if that was the case but his body is just tired and exhausted. There is nothing more that we can do but keep trying. I have been doing research and I will keep going until the very end. If we can get to week five things might start looking up, but we are only in week three." I looked at her and she grabbed my hand, "You are a very strong mother. You are going through a lot right now and there is nothing that you can give me to make him better."

"I'll do anything though." I bargained and she nodded her head, "I know you will Gabi, I know you will. So here is my proposition for you, don't stop the treatment until week five. If nothing has happened at week five, we'll stop and let him go. If you fight for two more weeks, then I'll stop fighting after that. He deserves to have you as a mother because you haven't stopped fighting for him. I won't stop fighting for him either if you'll just trust me."

I nodded my head and she hugged me for a moment, "He is fighting too. We are all fighting together and we are trying our hardest here. His tumors are not growing but they are not disappearing. I won't lie to you about it but if we give it some more time then maybe we will have something to work with." I nodded again and she smiled, "You are going to do amazing things for him Gabi, don't worry yet, okay."

I nodded and I stood up opening the door to leave thanking her one more time. Troy was standing on the other side and he looked upset, "Why are you following me?" I asked him quietly and he didn't say anything, "I wanted to make sure you made it here but you would really get an abortion and donate your heart to Collin?" I took a step back, "If I could save my child that has been living on this earth for four years and that I love so much that it hurts…yes." I answered honestly, "I would do anything for him Troy,"

"Our baby?" he questioned and I laughed, "Troy, I would have another baby with you if I can save the one I have right now. Would you do anything for Baker?" Troy took a big breath and he turned to look away, "I guess. I would have done anything for her. I would do anything for him too but I can't lose you Gabs," I reached up to touch Troy's face and I looked at him, "I am not going anywhere Troy, nowhere."

"You have no idea what that pain is like after Gabi, the soul burning pain of losing a child is unimaginable. I wanted to do the same thing Callie did so many different times but I just…I held on. I will do anything for you to hold on Gabi, please," I nodded as I wrapped my arms around him to get him to stop talking. I was going to get Collin to week five if I died trying. I just had to get him to week five. I was going to do everything in my power to get him to week five. That was my goal. I could see it. I could see it all. I was racing against time and that was absolutely terrifying.

I tilted my head back up and I vowed to God that if he kept Collin here that I would do anything for him. I needed Collin, it wasn't Gods time for Collin. It was still my own.

* * *

 _depression_

I stared at the ceiling as we had made it to week four but the next week looked to be our toughest battle yet. He was getting worse and worse as the moments continued and I was scared every moment that this was going to be it but the depression had completely sunk in. We were keeping the room dark and quiet while we let him rest and try to gain some sort of strength. I needed to gain some sort of strength.

Troy came into the room letting light in and I twisted my head away from the blinding light. I sighed and Troy came over to check on Collin and then his eyes looked at me, "You haven't left the room in two days. Don't you think you should take a shower or go for a little walk or something. You need to eat." Troy tried his hardest to get me to move but it just wasn't happening. I just wanted to lay there and do absolutely nothing.

My arms wrapped around my own body as I turned my eyes away. "Gabi," Troy spoke my name but I had nothing else to give him. I shrugged my shoulders and he sighed rubbing his hand over his jaw. He hadn't shaved since we got here and I had barely left the hospital. "Just a walk outside." He bargained and I looked at him and then down at my appearance. "I think I just want to lay with Collin." I turned away from him but Troy grabbed my arm gently pulling me back.

"Troy, I don't know how much time I have left with him." He had nothing to follow that because it was true. We didn't know how much time we had left. We just had time and it was scary to think about how we didn't have an endless amount. We just had time and it was a short amount.

When I had Collin I thought we had endless amount of time. I thought we had so much time. I snuggled with him in his bed again and Troy sat in a chair next to the bed as we both stared at Collin. I didn't want to remember him like this. I didn't want to remember Collin with hollow eyes and his bones sticking out from every direction. I wanted to remember Collin with a big smile on his face with plump cheeks and happiness.

I wanted to remember Collin with complete utter happiness. I stared at him while I tried to keep my tears at bay because I made a promise to not cry in front of Collin but here I was. I was crying in front of Collin causing me to get up quickly almost tripping into the bathroom with Troy quickly following behind. "Gabi," he said quietly, "Troy, I just want to cry right now and I promised I wouldn't cry in front of Collin so I am going to cry in here."

"Then let's go outside and take a walk or something. You can't stay in here." I turned to look at him and I just laughed before I started crying. "Troy, I don't know how I want to proceed with any of this. I don't know if I want to eat or cry or just laugh because life is fucking insane." Troy nodded his head, "Yes, life is very fucked up because I never wanted to be here again Gabs but here I am. You are falling into a short depression and unless you want it to be a prolonged depression you need to leave this room."

"No, I need to stay with him. I have to be here with him."

"We have time." Troy bargained and I shook my head back and forth, "No, no we do not have time. We do not have any time we could have maybe a week of time and that isn't an enough time for me. I need more time. I want more time. I just don't have enough time." I took a deep breath and I tilted my head back to stare at the ceiling." There will never be enough time with him because I want him forever. I never want to spend another minute on this earth without him."

I could see the panic work behind Troy's eyes and I reached for him to reassure him that I never would because I was pregnant. I had another child and even though it was going to be hard, my mother instincts are still there. I was never going to leave another child because I would never want them to be without a mother. "Gabi, I told you to promise."

"I am never going to do that Troy, but I am going to be depressed. I am going to be sad that you may never get me out of bed again until I have this baby and then I will start over but until then I am going to stay with my son and I am going to carry this baby. I am giving myself that much time." Troy didn't say anything because he knew that I was right to be allowed that amount of time. He knew that I needed that time to do this.

Troy reached for me and brought me in with a smile on his face. "I love you," he whispered into my ear so many times, "I love you so much," Troy grabbed me in a hug, "You have every right to be that way but don't drift too far from me. Please." I nodded my head against his chest, "I won't Troy, I won't."

I pushed him away and then walked back to the bed as I cuddled up with Collin. I made sure the room was dark and my body was close to Collin's because I just needed to be close to him. I was running out of time and there was nothing but panic inside of me because of that.

* * *

 _acceptance_

I kissed his hand as I inhaled through my tears, we were just two days away from week five but there weren't sure he was going to make it through the night. His breathing was shallow and yesterday that had to do chest compressions to get his heart rate back. I screamed as Troy held me back while they saved him. He came back to me but he was in even worse shape after that. I felt my tears pool in my eyes just thinking about it.

Troy held his other hand but his head was resting against the bed because neither of us had slept in two days fearing that it was going to happen at any moment. His tumors were starting to shrink but Brynn was fearful that it had just done too much to his body and he was quitting. He was four and his body wasn't meant for this. He was only eating by feeding tube, he was only awake for minutes at a time.

"I'm here," the door burst open and joe walked through the room in a fast pace as he was distraught. I called him two days ago reporting his status and he tried to get a flight out but couldn't and then I called him last night screaming that he needed to get here as soon as possible. Troy lifted his head and he looked at Joe, "I'll give you guys a minute." Troy got up and left the room while Joe took his spot. "How is he doing?"

I shrugged my shoulders not sure what was wrong with Collin. I wasn't sure how much time was left with my child and that terrified me. I crawled into his bed with him and he gasped for air and closed my eyes tightly because I didn't want to watch, yet his heart rate stayed steady. "Can I have a minute with him, I just want to tell him some things." Joe said and I nodded leaving small kisses on his forehead.

"Sure, I'll be right outside okay?" Joe nodded as I slipped off the bed and I walked over to the door. Troy was outside leaning against the desk and I went over to rub his back gently. He turned to look at me and he smiled exhausted. "Joe wanted a minute with him." Troy nodded and he grabbed my arm gently, "Can we go get a coffee really quick?" I asked him and Troy perked up and nodded, "Yea, c'mon." He dragged me across the room and we both got a cup of coffee.

"After Joe is done, I need a minute with Collin." Troy looked at me and I looked up at him, "I need to tell him it's okay to stop fighting now and I just need to talk to him for a few minutes." Troy looked at me and I felt my heart break, "He needs to know I'll be okay without him. He is only fighting because I keep asking him too. I just have to tell him to stop and he will." Troy shook his head, "Gabi, we are so close to seeing if he'll make a turn."

I shook my head, "I can't see him like I did last night Troy. I was terrified. I would rather him die peacefully than have to go through that again. Now he has a broken rib and is in even more pain. I am going to sign a DNR later today and I need you to get on board because I already do not want to do it but I have too. I have to for him. As soon as I sign it I want find a way for him to breath fresh air one more time and then I just want to lay with him, okay?"

Troy just nodded his head and he started to cry, "I'm so sorry Gabi, I never wanted to put you in this position. I was going to save him. That was my job, I was supposed to rescue Collin and you. Both of you are so important to me and I thought I could save both of you. I thought Baker died for that moment between the scans and everything just matching, I thought it was meant to be but here we are. I am so scared."

I leaned up to kiss him softly, "Troy, you did everything you could. Absolutely everything you could. Do not blame yourself for anything Troy. Before anything happens, I need you to promise me that you will not blame yourself Troy. You tried everything possible to save Collin and I will be so thankful for the year that you gave me with him Troy, I will be thankful for the year that I got to fall in love with you and watch you fall in love with my little guy as well. You will know everything about him that was possibly needed to know. You became his dad. You gave me so much in one year Troy and I will forever be so grateful for that okay, do not blame yourself."

His tears didn't stop and his heart was broken but he just nodded his head. I hugged him tightly and I kissed the side of his head, "You did everything you could. You have always done everything you could for him and I know you did for Baker as well. Never beat yourself up Troy, you are an amazing person and an amazing doctor but an outstandingly amazing father. I love you and nothing will ever change okay?"

He nodded his head and I smiled sadly while stroking his face with my thumb, "I love you Gabi," I nodded leaning in to kiss him. "I love you too."

"Gabs, he is asking for you." I turned to see Joe and I nodded wiping my palms on my jeans. I looked at Troy and he just buried his head into his hands. I nodded at Joe as I walked by and into Collin's room. I quickly kicked off my converse and crawled onto bed with Collin. He didn't say anything, he just wrapped his body around me without saying a word. I placed his oxygen mask on his face so he could breathe easier and I laid there listening to the heart monitor.

"Collin, you have been my world these past four years. From the moment I found out about you until today it's been a lot of you and I fighting against this world. From day one I knew you were going to do amazing things Collin. You were going to be the best of the best. You were going to be the best athlete, the smartest kid, and the sweetest boy. I had the highest of hopes for you and I still do. I know if you keep fighting you will keep doing it because you are so strong willed and that came from me baby boy," I curled into him as I whispered to him everything that I had to say to him. "You are going to keep going until somebody finally tells you to stop and I just have to tell you some stuff before I can let you go Collin,"

I took a deep breath as I smiled down at him while trying to not cry at the same time, "When you were little and you were crying a lot, I would just make you sit in a chair with me until you calmed down. I would hold you close and you would fight me but you would finally stop and just cuddle with me. Often you would fall asleep against me and I loved every minute of it. I loved getting to be close to you and smell your beautiful smell. You are the light of my life Collin and any moment I got with you was a special moment." My fingers ran down his arm and I let my first tear fall. "I love you so much Collin that every day seeing you like this hurts so much. It hurts so much every day because seeing those brown eyes in pain hurts me. I don't like seeing my favorite little boy in pain and I cannot let you be in pain anymore."

"I will always remember your sweet smile Collin and your sweet brown eyes that would grow every single time you laughed. I will remember how you said mommy and I will remember your favorite order at Parks. I will always think of you every time I step in the restaurant and I will eat all of your favorites. I will read every single of your favorite books to your little sister or brother. We will watch all of your favorite movies and I will never forget you. You will always be my son Collin, _always._ There will be no forgetting about you because you were the most magical part of my life. You gave me life and you are so important to me Collin."

My tears were coming faster and my nose was running but I just held Collin and kept talking because this was why I needed some alone time. I needed him to know I'll remember and love him all the time. "I will be okay without you Collin, I will be sad but I will grieve and live with Daddy. He will love me and we will always talk about you with your little sister or brother. I never got enough time with you because I had so much more I wanted to do with you. I wanted to go to more baseball games and more football games with you. I wanted to walk you to your kindergarten classroom together and cry leaving you as you started your school journey. I wanted to weep at your wedding. I wanted to hold your children. I wanted to die before you so I never had to live a minute without you but we didn't have unlimited time Collin, and I am so sorry. So sorry," I kissed his face as I sobbed with him in my arms, "I am so sorry baby boy, I am so sorry that I couldn't give us more time because I only wanted more time with you. I just wanted to be with you all the time."

I felt a hand on my shoulder but I didn't turn from my attention to Collin as I kissed his face, "Mommy will be just fine without you Collin but just know that I will miss you and will carry you in my heart for the rest of time so I will always have that okay? You can fly away to heaven now and be my little angel. I love you to the moon and back baby, to the moon and back." I whispered into his ear but he just squeezed my hand as I broke down into hysterics because even though I was accepting fate, I was heartbroken and shattered.

There wasn't enough time left with Collin and that terrified me.

Absolutely terrified me.

* * *

 **So…long wait but I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It was very sad but there is one more chapter left of this story and it will be the next chapter I release. I am going to finish this story before getting back to Ace. I know it has been a very long wait for chapters and I apologize. School is a bit crazier than I expected! Lol**

 **Thanks for being patient! Happy New Year guys! Here is to a great 2017!**

 **Xx – Jo**

 **Please Review!**


	38. 5 Years Later

Chapter 38 – 5 Years Later

" _When you love what you have, you have everything you need."_

There was a moment that I knew I had absolutely everything I needed in my life. It was a moment of clarity and I knew I never wanted to return to a previous life. I knew that everything had happened for a reason: Collin got cancer because I was destined to meet Troy. My mom died to make me stand up on my own two feet. I didn't choose to tell Collin's dad so that I could spend more time with Collin and one day just sitting there it hit me: I loved my life.

Everything about my life I adored. I adored my children. I adored my husband. I wouldn't change a thing about my life no matter what the past had happened. I also never wanted to add to what I have because I never wanted to throw off the balance. I was lucky to have Troy in my life. I was lucky to have Collin. I was lucky to have two more kids who I adored so much. I protected them. I loved them. I never abused the time I was using with them. I never wished time to go faster and I just lived in the moment.

If Collin's cancer taught me anything, it taught me how to hold to the amount of time that I have. It taught me to love endlessly and to never think that there is more time out there. There isn't more time and there are only precious moments. I happily took part in everything I could do, I worked, I played, and I was happy.

I have everything I need.

Absolutely everything.

* * *

 _Friday, August 14_ _th_ _, 2020_

I took a sip of my wine as I briefed my newest case after talking to my client today. I felt the beach air on my face with salt mixed in and I looked up to see the sun long gone and the moon was letting the ocean glow still. It was late but I knew he was still coming home tonight. It wasn't his turn to do a late night shift but I looked at my watch and I wondered where he was. "Looking for me?" I tilted my head back to see Troy walking in pulling his tie off.

I smiled and nodded my head as he bent down kissing the top of my head. "How were the kids today?" he asked me, I smiled, "Great. Becca sent me a new case today," I said wiggling my eyebrows and Troy gave me one of those looks, "Gabs, you just had a baby four weeks ago. Don't you think you should be taking it easy?" I shook my head, "No. I should be going back to work soon." Troy laughed, "Brie, I can provide for both of us. You really need to take it easy. Your pregnancy wasn't easy."

My eyes rolled in a giant circle causing Troy to laugh. He turned towards the ocean and watched it for a minute before getting up and pushing forward. "I am going to check on the kids and then we can sneak off to the bedroom to take a big nap." I laughed as he disappeared up the stairs as I thought about the last five years. Four and half years ago we moved to Miami right before the birth of our middle child – Makas Finn Bolton. We called him Mak for short and he was a sweet little four-year-old who reminded me of Collin so, so much. He had the same bold brown eyes with the same exact laugh.

Makas was welcomed during an April shower that lasted three days straight flooding the roads. Troy and I were fighting the floods trying to get to the hospital in time to have Mak but by the time we got to the hospital I was crowning and had him in the Emergency room with zero pain killers. Troy and I had decided on a name pretty easily because we googled two words: hope and faith. It had come down to either Makas or Von and we just loved Makas a little bit more.

After a couple of year living in Florida and Makas getting bigger Troy and I had decided that we wanted one more kid together. Our first month trying we landed pregnant and we were so excited. I was working in a great job at a law firm doing what I did in Colorado working for a family practice. Troy easily got a job as a pediatric oncologist trying all over again in a new area and he was going a wonderful job.

He had bad days and good days but he always had us to come home too. He came home and we would talk about his bad days and he would lean on me for support. It was a better foundation and we were very good when we both needed support. We both knew how to balance each other and we were having so much fun the past five years with each other. I never regretted my marriage to Troy and I never will because even with Collin's cancer diagnosis, Troy Bolton was the best thing that ever happened to me. Collin got cancer but I found the love of my life.

It was the worst year of our lives but we made it through and we came out united as a family.

"Caroline said mommy, mommy," I tilted my head back and Troy was cradling four-week old Caroline Baker Bolton. She was a beautiful blessing to our family and has been a joy to grow with. She was happy baby who nursed on a schedule already and loved her daddy tremendously. Troy cried holding her for the first time as she was graced with blue eyes for now, the doctor warned him that they could change but we both knew they were going to take after Troy's eyes.

Troy sat down next to me as Caroline cuddled on his chest, "Makas is passed out per normal, sprawled on his belly with his blanket tucked tightly in his hands." I smiled thinking of him and I glanced over at him, "Collin?" I questioned and Troy smiled, "Sleeping per normal. He is curled on his side, but when I kissed his forehead he stirred for a moment." I smiled thinking of our nine-year-old son who adored all of his siblings.

The night that I cried and told Collin that he could stop fighting was the moment that things started to turn up. Collin began to breath better and the drugs began to work better. He made a quick turn that overwhelmed all of us. I cried so many tears of joy as he began to become normal Collin over the days and months that it took for him to recover. The cancer slowly disappeared and vanished before our eyes.

He had routine treatments every three months but it still allowed him to keep his hair and to be a young boy still. He played soccer and basketball whenever he had the chance. He loved to run on the beach and play in the sand and he was still alive and breathing. We never had another cancer scare but we maintain it very well. Brynn's treatments saved his life and it was now how most neuroblastoma was treated anymore. Troy used the treatment all the time and saw much better outlooks on children.

Collin only had to worry about cancer every three months when he went in for testing and routine treatments to help keep all cancer away. We were never taking any chances and the amount of chemo that he received was minimal and never had many side effects. "Can you believe it has almost been five years?" Troy looked up at me and he smiled nodding his head, "I am glad it has been five years. The reoccur rate after five years is so low Gabs,"

"Troy, he basically came back from the dead though. I am so scared one of these three months will be different." I whispered, Troy sighed and came over to me as he sat on my lap. Caroline was sleeping again and Troy sighed, "Brynn called me and talked about ending his routine chemo and I panicked because what if that is what is keeping him alive y'know? I would hate for the cancer to come back because he probably wouldn't be able to beat it this time around." I looked at Troy with a panic and he smiled, "But Brynn reassured me that we would do this slowly."

"How so?" I asked quietly, "Try going every six months instead of every three months, he would still go in on that three months for scans to have a baseline along with his blood work. He would go back monthly for his blood work to be checked until we came to that six-month mark and we would do scans and do a dosage of chemo that would be smaller than what he is on now. We would move his appointments to every so often and we would see if less chemo will still let him be cancer free. One spot of cancer of sign of cancer we start treatments again back in full force."

I inhaled and closed my eyes because worry spread through my stomach. "I almost lost him once Troy, I cannot lose him again."

"We'll go slow." He said quietly to me, "We can do one more treatment and then start it, okay? It has been five years without a spot of cancer coming back. Some kids never made it this far." I sighed and I nodded my head as I reached for Caroline's foot as she reached and kicked me. I smiled at her as I yawned, "We should probably be going to bed. Collin has a soccer game tomorrow morning." Troy nodded his head while snuggling with Caroline.

"I have to go into work for a while tomorrow." I wanted to protest but I knew that it came with the territory. There were nights that I would pull long shifts at the office and Troy had to be home with the kids. We were trading turns.

"But Sunday," Troy started, I looked at him and he smiled, "We are having a family day Sunday," I laughed, "Good. I think we could all use a family day together. I miss you terribly." Troy smiled and stood up from my lap as he rubbed his eyes from a long day of work. We both began to walk inside when I heard noise from Collin's room. "Go check on him while I give her a bottle." I agreed as I walked up the stairs and quietly opened Collin's door.

He was sitting up in bed rubbing his eyes, "Co, you okay?" I asked and he yawned, "Yea, I thought Dad was in here." I smiled rubbing my hand through his hair. "He was. He came in to check on you." Collin smiled and he rested back on his bed while I rubbed his shoulder. "You have a big game in the morning. You better get to sleep." Collin smiled because he really enjoyed playing soccer more than anything else.

"Can Tate come over after the game to play?" he asked me and I smiled nodding, "Probably. Your dad has to go into work for a little while tomorrow so I don't see why not." Collin pouted slightly an I shook my head, "It's okay, we are having a family day on Sunday." Collin released a smile this time and I kissed his forehead. "Good night big guy," he snuggled up with his pillow and blankets as I cracked his door on my way out.

I walked into our room where Troy was sitting on the bed scrolling through his phone, "Did Caroline already take her bottle?" I asked as I began to get ready for bed, "No. She didn't seem to want it." I looked over at her already asleep in her bassinet in our room. "I'll take first feeding." Troy said as he put his clothes away and plugged his phone into the charger. "Thank you," Troy nodded as I crawled into bed, Troy was close behind as he pulled me close and his lips pressed to my ear.

"I love you." He said quietly and I smiled, "I love you too."

"Get some rest, we have a soccer star to watch tomorrow." I curled up with him and his strong arms pulled me in. "Gabi, in normal sleeping position." Troy whispered and I laughed gently while I closed my eyes and smelled his skin. This was my favorite way to fall asleep, absolute favorite way.

* * *

 _Saturday, August 15_ _th_ _, 2020_

"Mommy!" I felt Makas poke his finger into my side and I laughed quietly, "Good morning Mak," I whispered and I opened my eyes to look at him and he had his sweet smile on his face with his favorite blanket tucked in his hand. "Go get Daddy," I whispered to him and Makas giggled, "Daddy isn't in bed," I quickly rolled to my back to see Troy had disappeared. I frowned as I looked over to see Caroline was still sleeping soundly.

"Do you know where Daddy is?" Makas shook his head and I sighed as I sat up and reached for my cell phone to see a message on my phone from Troy.

 _I was called into work early this morning due to complications with a patient. I'll try my best to be at Co's game. Love you._

I sighed as I lifted Makas into bed with me and he pressed his face into my chest, "Did you sleep well?" I asked him and he nodded his head, "Yea, can we watch mickey?" I nodded as I turned on the TV and then my door opened again but this time it was Collin. His eyes scanned the room and once he saw the bathroom door open he frowned. "Where is dad?" I patted the bed and Collin came over to sit down next to me.

"Dad was called into work for a little bit. He will try his best to be at the game okay?" Collin pouted and I kissed the side of his head, "What am I not good enough?" I asked him and Collin tried not to smile but he let out a smile anyways. "I love you, mom," I laughed and smiled, "I know you do buddy," Makas moved over to sit on Collin's lap and Collin let him like a good big brother he is. "C'mon, we need to make breakfast for our favorite soccer star."

"Do you think I will score a goal today?" he asked me with nervousness creeping up on him, I nodded, "Of course." We all got up and I grabbed Caroline from her bassinet to take her downstairs to put in the swing. "Mom, when will Caroline talk?" Makas asked and I smiled, "Not for a while buddy," Collin helped Makas down the stairs while I situated Caroline in the swing in the kitchen. Collin began to grab stuff to make waffles and eggs.

I put Makas on the counter as I turned on music while Collin began to sing along. I smiled looking at my two boys and my little girl thinking that life doesn't get better than this moment. It will never get better than this moment besides having Troy here with us. I was blessed with three beautiful kids and one who kicked cancers ass. I smiled just thinking about it when the doorbell rang.

"Collin, do you want to go answer that?" he nodded as he ran down the stairs and to the front door. I watched him open the door but I couldn't see who it was until he started laughing, "Grandma Lucy! Grandpa Jack!" I picked up Makas from the counter as I walked to the ledge to see him attached to his grandparents. "Hey big guy! We heard there was a big soccer game this morning!" he nodded his head happily and I smiled because I had no idea they were coming.

"Gabi," Jack said waving and I waved back, "Jack, Lucy," I called as I began to walk down the steps. Mak tried to get out of my grasp as I sat him down and he quickly ran to Lucy. "Hey little guy!" she picked him up and gave him a ton of kisses on his face causing him to laugh. Jack grabbed me in a hug and I smiled, "This is a surprise," I told him and he nodded, "We figured we would come down for a couple of days. Watch Collin play soccer, play with Makas and get to cuddle with our beautiful granddaughter."

"Where is Troy?" Lucy asked, I sighed and heard Caroline whine from upstairs, "He is at work. He got called in early this morning. He is hoping to make it to Collin's soccer game." Lucy smiled and she grabbed Collin's hand as we all began to walk upstairs towards the kitchen. "Grandma Lucy will you help us make pancakes?" Collin asked and Makas agreed with high energy excitement making me smile.

Jack was picking up a cooing Caroline with a smile, "Gabi, if you want to go take a shower we have this under control." I felt a small smile gather on my face because Troy's parents have been supportive of everything we have done from day one. They helped us move to Miami, they came for Makas birth and then again for Caroline's. They were constantly coming to us for Christmas and Thanksgiving so that we could stay here as a family with our friends.

We went up to Colorado once or twice a year to see old friends and see the grandparents on odd occasions but we tried to avoid Colorado and memories we didn't want to bring up any longer. We were very happy in Florida with the white beaches and the blue water. Collin loved the beach just like I did and we spent a lot of time out there together when we needed Collin and mom time. I went upstairs and I turned on the shower as a warm shower has been hard to come by in four weeks.

I checked my phone waiting to see a message from Troy but nothing. I put my phone onto the counter and turned on some soft music before stripping and getting into the shower. It was going to be a very hot day, the reason behind our nine am soccer game. I washed my hair and let the water relax my shoulders as I thought about what Troy said to me last night. I knew Collin wasn't going to be able to be on the same treatment plan forever and we would have to try and wean off but I didn't want to lose him.

Once I conditioned my hair and thoroughly washed my body I turned the warm water off to wrap a towel around my body. I took a step out ringing my hair free of water while I slipped on a pair of underwear with a pair of jean shorts. I then put on a nursing bra followed by a tank-top to enjoy the summer sun. I let my hair down to let it dry and I smiled tilting my head back. I opened the door to the room to hear Lucy and Jack talking with their three grandchildren. I went to grab Makas his clothes for this morning and then a onesie for Caroline from her nursery.

I went back downstairs as they were all happily eating, "Mommy, we saved you a spot!" Makas pointed to the spot next to Lucy with a warm waffle sitting there, "Thank you guys," I took a sip of my coffee as I noticed Jack feeding Caroline which made me smile. They always knew how to come in and automatically help. "Collin, as soon as you are done you might want to go change into your soccer clothes okay?"

"I can change Makas," Jack offered, I handed him his clothes and Lucy smiled taking Caroline's clothes. "How is Sammy?" I asked, "Sammy is doing very well. Her and Isaac are happily in love and are over the moon with the baby news."

"Marcus and Jennifer doing okay?" I questioned and Lucy grinned with happiness, "Actually, they are talking about moving here with Austin." I looked up at her with surprise, "He misses his brother and he wants to be a part of his favorite nephew and nieces lives." I laughed, "That's amazing. I know Sammy was already talking about it,"

"And we're going to retire here," Jack said automatically and I smiled because they always talked about coming to Florida one day after they were finished working. His family was a strong unit so none of it surprised me when they talked about moving to where we lived. Troy and I made it firm that we were staying here because this is where we needed to be. Collin had good doctors and Troy had a fantastic job that paid very well. I was by a beach and working for another large firm.

We were happy and settled here.

I looked over at the boys and once they were done eating they all began to do what was requested. Lucy was holding Caroline as I waved her onesie, "I am going to make sure Collin doesn't need any help." She grabbed the onesie, "I'll change her diaper and take care of her." I thanked her as I stood up and I walked across the room to put the dishes in the sink. I then walked to Collin's room where he was putting on his shorts and soccer jersey. "Can I put my shin guards on at the game?"

I nodded my head as I sat down to help him with his socks, "Yes, if you want. We need to get into the car as soon as possible though." I reminded him, "Can I ride with Grandma and Grandpa?" he asked me with pleading brown eyes, "If they have room for you. If not, then you have to ride with us." He nodded excited as he jumped down from his spot and I collected his cleats and shin guards from the ground.

Going out into the hallway Makas ran by without a shirt giggling as Jack chased him. Lucy was putting Caroline in her car seat while Jack finally wrangled Makas into a t-shirt. "Mom, we have to go!" Collin yelled and I nodded as I ushered the rest of the family along. I got the two youngest in the car while Collin ran with Jack to the car. "Lead the way?" Lucy asked, I nodded as I made sure Caroline's shade was up and that Makas still had his buckle on.

I pulled out of the driveway and picked up my cell phone to press Troy's name for my call to go through. It rang a couple of times and then went to voicemail. I sighed as I then tried again to the nurse's station to see if I can find him. "Miami Children Riley speaking,"

"Riley, hey, have you seen Troy around? It's Gabi."

"Ah he was with a patient a little while ago but I haven't seen him since. Do you want me to look for him?" I shook my head back and forth even though she couldn't see me, "No, no, it's okay. If you see him though will you tell him to call me?"

"Of course Gabi, I'll see you and Collin on Monday!" I smiled and hung up the phone as I pulled into the park where I saw kids of all kinds running around in soccer uniforms ready for a morning game. I parked the car as I witnessed Collin take off running for the field and I heard the SUV car door open and I tilted my head back, "Daddy!" I looked at Makas and then I saw a smiling Troy, "Look who showed up," Troy laughed as I slipped around and went around to grab Caroline.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to get out of bed but they needed help this morning. I figured a couple extra hours wouldn't hurt." I rolled my eyes because I knew he would go back after the game. "There is my handsome son," Troy twisted around with Makas in his arms with a surprised look on his face, "Mom, dad, what are you doing here?" he greeted them both in a hug and a smile. "We figured it was time for another visit with our grandchildren, son, and daughter in law."

"Oh man, Gabs, they are completely here to help us," Lucy gave us a confused look as I nodded, "I didn't think of that but they are,"

"How?" Lucy asked as we all walked to the field together, "Collin has scans and treatment on Monday and we don't have a spot for Caroline in daycare until she is six weeks old. Can you stay with Caroline while Gabi goes with Collin and I am able to get some hours in at work?"

"If you promise to not work the rest of this weekend." His mom bargained, I laughed because I loved her. I loved how she knew Troy was starting to work a lot more and Troy rolled his eyes with a laugh. "Fine," I laughed looking over at Lucy, "How in the world did you do that? I have been trying to for weeks." Lucy laughed and Troy grabbed my hand walking along the way to the field. "He's a momma's boy,"

"I know how that goes," Troy said as he looked over at Collin and I smiled because Collin and I had a bond that couldn't be formed again. He was my first born, my baby, and we had gone through so much with each other. I smiled looking at him run across the field with his friends with a huge smile on his face. He was happy and living and beautiful. Collin made every single day a good day and I would never think twice about any mistakes that we made.

Joe had become a better fixture in Collin's life over the years. They talk on the phone once a week and Collin goes to California to spend two weeks in the summer with him. They have a good relationship and last year Joe took the time to tell Collin the story behind him giving up parental rights to Troy and Collin came back with his arms tight around Troy's neck, thankful for everything that he has provided.

Troy was brought to tears and I had learned a new respect for Joe. Our families all got along well and it was nice to be able to talk to him without fear of bad things happening. I took a deep breath while settling in our chairs along the sideline. We kept Caroline tucked into her car seat away from the bright sun while Troy wrangled Makas. Lucy sat next to me and we began to discuss how the children were doing and the everyday life things that we always got caught up on.

Troy stood behind me where he could watch Makas walk around and play in the grass with other kids his age and talk with his dad. It was a common practice when Lucy and Jack were in town. Troy reached down to rub my shoulders gently and I smiled leaning back while I continued to talk. The game started and we cheered for Collin as he ran down the field and I knew how lucky we were to be here in this state. To be here with Collin.

I knew how lucky I was.

* * *

My hands slipped down my legs as I rubbed lotion against them as Troy was talking on the phone with a nurse about a patient. Caroline was sleeping on the bed in front of me after nursing and I watched her little face move in her dream as she twisted her head a different direction. I smiled as I couldn't wait to cuddle with her in a moment. "Tim, no, I just…" Troy's voice trailed off and I smiled because I loved how Troy cared so much for every patient.

It took a lot of convincing to get Troy to go back into the oncology field so scared to get attached again. He couldn't hurt like he has before and that is when we made the promise to openly talk about all patients that he has and that he is never alone in the fight. Collin and I did a lot of volunteer work on Troy's floor. We hosted blanket drives, we did toy drives and we would always bring Christmas gifts on Christmas day.

My heart ached every time I walked onto an oncology floor but I also knew how lucky I was to have my son in my arms every single night. I inhaled deeply when I heard Troy hang up the phone. He walked into the room and he quickly scooped up his little girl. "Hey, I was going to hold her." I pouted, Troy shook his head as he rocked her, "You just got forty-five minutes with her." I shook my head, "I was working,"

Troy laughed, "Oh whatever. You cuddle with her more than she eats." I let a smug smile cross my face as he knew me too well. "What are your plans for tomorrow?" Troy sighed as he sat down on the bed with Caroline and I smiled looking at him cradle his youngest, and only, daughter. "I was thinking that we could maybe go to the beach for a little bit in the morning. I was thinking to go up north to a quieter beach where Makas and Collin can run around while playing without too many people around."

"Okay," I said with smile because Troy knew I would always go to the beach without complaint. "then since well…we have two very capable babysitters downstairs I think we need a date night."

I looked up at him and he smiled down at me, "We haven't had a date night since before Caroline was born." I grinned, "Yes, I absolutely love this idea." Troy laughed with a solid smile on his face, a big happy smile that I saw in all of those photos with Baker. That smile was the smile I saw all of the time now. It was amazing and I loved it. "I figured you would really enjoy that idea. We need some mommy and daddy time," he said sitting down next to me.

"Too bad I am not cleared yet," I pouted and Troy laughed, "Brie, I wouldn't touch you right now if you were clear. You didn't have a smooth birth with her. You need extra time probably," I shook my head and Troy laughed as if I was crazy. He went to lay Caroline in her bassinet next to our bed and he quickly crawled across the bed to press his lips against mine. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" he asked me and I smiled shaking my head no.

He smirked, "I love you a ton."

I pulled him in for a kiss, "I love you more," I whispered into his ear and he smiled, "Ew, mom, dad," I laughed as Collin's voice entered the room around us. Troy sat up on the bed as he then stood up, "What's up Co?" he shrugged his shoulders, "I'm not tired."

"You should be. All three of those goals were tough work." Collin smiled and sat down on the bed as Troy changed in the closet. I reached over to rub his shoulders gently and he leaned back, "Do I have to go to treatment Monday?" he asked with a plea, "It's the day before school starts." Troy came out of the closet as we made eye contact and we shared a look because of the conversation we had last night. My chest caved with anxiety because I wasn't ready yet. "Yes," Troy finally answered, "But this may be your last one until February." Collin sat up quickly at this news.

"What do you mean?" he asked with a hint of excitement behind his voice. Troy sighed sitting down as he looked over at me, "After this treatment we are going to have monthly appointments to check blood work and scans to make sure the cancer remains gone and we will skip our three-month chemo to continue on. I talked to Dr. Brynn and she said if all goes well over the next year or two we could talk about suspending chemo all together with regular scans and blood work."

Collin grinned from ear to ear that this news which made my heart so happy but my nerves only grew anxious. "Mom, this is amazing news!" he turned to look at me and then he looked concerned, "Mom, why aren't you happy? I figured you would be the first one to be excited!" I gave a weak smile that I knew both boys in this room saw right through. "I am very, very, happy about this news Collin." He shook his head because Collin knew me too well for that bullshit of an answer.

"Mom, you can tell me." His eyes looked at me and I shook my head even through my eyes were filling with tears. "It's nothing Collin, these are happy tears because I just realize how far you have come in the last five years and I couldn't be more proud." He smiled and reached over to hug me, "I'm scared too mom," and that's when I lost all control and just hugged him tighter. "I love you Co," he pulled back with his own tears in his eyes but an even bigger smile.

"I love you too mom," he bounced off the bed as I bet he was going to tell Lucy and Jack. Troy slid his arm around me and pulled me back against him, "Will you at least tell me?" I sucked in a big breath and I tucked my body closer to his, "What if it doesn't work Troy?" Troy sighed and he squeezed my shoulders gently, "Then we do something else Brie, he can't be doing this forever. We have to give it a chance."

"I know but how are you not scared?" Troy smiled kissing the top of my head, "I'm terrified babe, absolutely terrified but we have to try it."

"I don't want things to get worse. He is fine and happy and healthy," I took a deep breath to try to keep all of my emotions at bay but I couldn't help but let a tear slide down my face, "I don't want to see him suffer any worse than what he already is Troy, I watched it once with him and I am terrified to do it again." Troy hugged me a little tighter and he kissed the top of my head, "I know Brie, I know,"

"Because if we stop and it happens then he suddenly has cancer again and I just…"

Troy didn't say anything this time and I knew he had no other words of comfort because this wasn't in any book. "Have you talked to Sam or Mariah lately?"

"Yesterday morning while I was feeding Caroline," I offered, "How was that?" he asked me, I smiled, "Good. They are both talking about bring the kids down here to go to Disney and to come see us at the beach. I told them to come whenever."

"We haven't seen them since Christmas,"

"Yea, it's been a while." I leaned back into Troy and he rubbed my arms gently, "We'll make it through this too Gabi. Okay?" I nodded my head and he hugged me tightly, "I'm going to make sure somebody ended up in his bed." Troy got up and I took a deep breath as I figured I should allow Joe in on the plan. I picked up my cell phone and I dialed his number. It rang a couple of times and he picked up on the other end being much earlier his time.

"Hey, everything okay?" he asked and I nodded my head, "Yea, everything is great actually. I should've waited to do this later so you could have talked to Collin."

"No, it's okay. What's up?"

"Troy and Brynn were talking about slowing stopping Collin's regular chemo." There were silent crickets from the other side of the phone. "Joe…" I said after a minute, "Why? He is fine with it." I smiled looking down, "I know. I know. I have the same thing going through my mind but it has been five years and they said slowly. They will keep an extra eye on him and then he could be completely done with chemo forever."

"Until it comes back,"

"It might not come back," I offered gently, "Gabi, this is dumb. Why stop what is working?" I took a deep breath and leaned back on the bed, "Because he can't be on it forever. The chance for cancer to come back after five years is so low Joe,"

"Gabi, he almost died and by the grace of God the treatments started working. Why are we chancing this?"

"I wish I knew Joe but Troy and Brynn are right. At some point this treatment will become ineffective anyways. It's better we stop now and still have a chance of it working later if the cancer every does come back." Joe was quiet for another minute, "I promise Joe, I am not letting anything ever happen to him again. I will not watch that happen again."

"Okay." Joe said quietly, "Okay,"

"I'll have Collin call you tomorrow morning. He is very excited about the possibility."

Joe sighed, "I bet he is."

"I'm scared too." I told him, "I know you are Gabi, I know you are."

* * *

 _Sunday, August 16_ _th_ _, 2020_

Makas screamed running across the sand being chased by Collin and Troy along the sad as I laid back nursing Caroline with the sun shining. The waves were crashing against the beach and the sun was warm in the early morning. We made the trip up north a little earlier than normal so we weren't outside in the heat of the day. We planned on getting their energy out here and then going to get some lunch before going back to put them down to nap at home.

Lucy and Jack were lounging around the house getting some quiet time before they took the kids tonight. Makas squealed as Troy ran him into the ocean. Collin stopped running and came over to my chair as he sat next to me. "Mom, you should come play." He said trying to get his breathing to return to normal. "I have to feed your sister and somebody has to stay back here with her. She can't be in the sand and in the ocean yet."

He pouted, "You should have left her with Grandpa and Grandma." I reached over for him and he leaned into me, "Because then it wouldn't be a family day." I said holding his chin, he sighed and I kissed his cheek. Troy and Makas came back over and both sat down as Troy tried to hide underneath the umbrella but Makas attacked him with a laugh. "He is wound up." Troy stated and I laughed as Caroline pulled away and I rested her on my shoulder.

"Mom," I looked over at Makas as he sat on Troy's lap, "Yea buddy,"

"Daddy said that we were staying with papa and grandma Lucy," I nodded my head, "You are." I told him, "Daddy and I are going to have dinner together." I told him and Makas thought about it for a minute, "Are you going to have chicken nuggets?" Troy laughed and I smiled, "I don't think so buddy. Do you want chicken nuggets for dinner? We can probably put in a good word to grandma Lucy," Makas nodded his head up and down and I smiled at him.

"I don't want chicken nuggets for dinner." Collin pouted and I glanced at him, "Why not?" I asked him, "I want to go with you and dad," I handed Caroline to Troy and I then pulled Collin into my lap. "Why is that?" I asked him, "Because I want to be with you." He said and I glanced up at Troy and then back to Collin. "You'll get to spend time with Grandpa and Grandma." I reminded him gently, "I know but I just want to be with you."

I hugged him from behind and held on to him, "How about when Caroline and Makas nap you can help me get ready and pick out the rest of dinner tonight for your brother?" I asked and he shrugged his shoulders not satisfied with my answer. "Your dad and I need some alone time. You can join us for a big brother dinner soon," I promised and he looked at me, "Do I have to go to treatment tomorrow?" he asked and I nodded, "Sorry buddy, but like we walked about you're almost done."

Collin didn't say anything but Makas picked up his hand pulling him back to the beach, "What was that about?" Troy asked watching him run to catch up with Makas. I shrugged, "I don't know Troy," I answered and I looked at him as he was putting Caroline in her car seat in the stroller to keep her out of the sun. "She's happy," I said observing and he smiled, "She is. You made her belly full." I smiled as Troy got up and came to sit next to me.

"Go play with your boys. Collin was asking for you earlier." I turned to check on Caroline again and Troy nudged me gently. "She's sleeping. I will keep an eye on her while you go play with your boys." I finally nodded and I got up from my spot as I walked across the sand where the boys were building a sand castle. I sat down next to them and Collin smiled as I helped construct with their instructions. Leaning forward I kissed their temples as Makas showed me his shovel and how he shovels.

Collin helped him build the top part and they gave each other a high five at the end. "Mommy, will you help me find sea shells for my castle?" Collin asked, I agreed standing up and we walked across the sand searching for the perfect seashells. Our favorite thing to do together. We would walk the long sandy beaches just looking for seashells when he needed time away from the house or for just a little bit of time together.

This is what we did.

* * *

Troy slid close to me as we watched the sun set over the hills and the colors reflect off the ocean water. I took a sip of wine while Troy poured himself another glass. We were just sitting on the back porch but we snuck around here without any of the kids knowing. I took a deep breath and I let my head rest against his shoulder. "Nine tomorrow, okay?"

"I know."

"Brynn wants to talk to you."

"Okay." I answered.

"You okay?" I nodded without words and Troy laughed, "Brie, talk to me." I sighed as I swirled my wine around in my glass. "I am just worried about Collin. He isn't doing that well right now and I don't know why." Troy squeezed my knee, "I don't know baby, hopefully it starts getting better or we'll sit him down." Troy told me as he drew patterns on my leg and I didn't want to say anything but Troy was trying to get everything out.

"I'll see if I can get him to talk during treatment tomorrow." Troy looked at me and I only buried my face in his chest. "I am tired Troy,"

"Do you want me to whisk you past the crew and up to bed?" I smiled, "No, I want to stay right here but I don't have much conversation in me." Troy stopped talking and rubbed my leg gently while he kissed on my temple. "I love you." He whispered while pulling his fingers through my hair, "I love you too," I said as I finished off my wine. Troy went to refill it but I shook my head, "Somebody has to feed somebody else tonight."

"I can take care of her tonight." Troy offered nicely. "I don't know; I wake up anyways when she cries." Troy twisted to face me causing me to lift my head, "Troy," I said whining, "Just sit still." I commanded and he laughed while I tried to snuggle against him. "Gabs, it's eighty degrees outside." I groaned and I pulled away from him. "Fine, I want to go to my bed."

"Gabi," he said again and pulled on my arm to pull me back down onto his lap. "You need to go to bed." He told me pressing his lips to my ear, "You have such a long day tomorrow. Come on," he picked me up and I laughed while he carried me inside. He put his free hand over my mouth trying to keep me from making noise so Makas and Collin didn't come running. We snuck up the stairs and he quickly shut out bedroom door.

He dropped me so my feet hit the floor and I changed into one of Troy's t-shirts. I then went to wash my face as Troy changed into a different pair of clothes. "Do you want to feed Caroline before you go to bed?" I shrugged because I just wasn't in a good mood. Troy came into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around my torso, "Talk to me,"

"It's nothing. I think I am tired and just want to lay with my husband."

"Then let's do that," he whispered into my ear, "Let's do that." After I put the rag down he pulled me into the bed and he wrapped his arms around me not letting an inch of space between us. "I know you are thinking about tomorrow more than you want to let on but you are thinking about tomorrow." His hands wrapped in mine while he played with the ring he gave me those years ago on the beach. I tucked my body in and just rested against him.

"Tomorrow will be no different. I promise."

"But what about three months after that?"

"That'll be different." He said, never lying to me, 'We'll only do scans and that'll be it."

My words didn't form and I felt my stomach twist. "Gabi, do you remember when Collin was on the mend, do you know what you said to me?"

"That all I want is more time,"

"We got a lot more time." I gave him a look and I pulled away slightly, "There will never be enough time with him Troy, never. I want to die before he ever will and what if I don't get that chance?" he squeezed my shoulders, "I am not letting him go without a fight, I promise, we are more advanced and the likely hood of anything happening is slim. Very slim Gabs,"

"But there is still that chance and it terrifies me." I said with tears starting to stream down my face, "Absolutely terrifies me."

"Gabs, Collin and I have the same rate of our cancer returning. Are you worried the same about both of us?"

"Absolutely Troy every single time that you run your scans I am terrified that I am suddenly going to have a husband battling cancer and my son battling cancer." Troy finally leaned back and looked at me, "I am terrified until you come home and tell me all is good again and I know one of these times you might not say that and that terrifies me so that is what I have to look forward to with Collin for the rest of my life. Scan and test all the time wondering if my son's cancer has returned."

He hugged me tightly, "Oh B, I didn't know you felt like that."

"I just am so scared all the time but I can't take this away from Collin. He wants to be away from the cancer ward and I don't blame him. I am just scared." He kissed my temple and laid with me, "I know baby, I know, I wish I could take it away from you."

I closed my eyes and leaned into him trying to black out the world from the pain.

* * *

 _Monday, August 17_ _th_ _, 2020_

Collin pushed the button on the elevator as I put my car keys into my bag and then pulled my cell phone out. The elevator doors opened and Collin ran out and quickly towards Troy's office. He saw many nurses along the way as he smiled and waved until he ran straight into Troy.

"Hey buddy," he picked him up as Collin pulled at Troy's tie, "You ready to get hooked up?" Collin shrugged when I saw Brynn come out from the other side. It didn't make me comfortable at first with Brynn working with him but I knew Troy was forever faithful to me. "Gabriella," I took a deep breath, our relationship was never wonderful and I kept her at a distance. "Dr. Brynn," she waved me over and I followed her.

"Troy said he filled you in. I figured I would see if you had any questions."

"None that Troy can't answer." I provided back and Brynn rolled her eyes, "Troy isn't his doctor. I am."

"Yea well," Brynn nodded, "That's all I need. Troy and I can do the rest."

"What do you mean?" I asked, she looked at me, "Signing the papers, etc.,"

"It's just stopping chemo,"

"You're getting out of the trial."

"He never said that." I argued back, "He said if something happened that we could go back."

"On a different trial." She answered and I felt tears fill my eyes, "Okay," I said turning away when I ran into Troy, "Whoa," he tried to grab me and I brushed past him. "I told her," Brynn said in a matter of a fact way, "Brynn," he hissed and he quickly grabbed my arm gently. "Brie, babe," I looked over at him, "We will have options. I promise. I am not letting him die." I pulled my arm away from him and went to be with Collin.

I sat down in the chair next to him and he looked over at me, "Mom," I looked at him and he looked sad, "Am I going to die if I stop treatment?" I looked at him and I felt the time pass by in front of me as I stared at him with tears welling in my eyes. My mouth dropped open and I felt like I couldn't answer anything that he said to me. His eyes welled up with tears as I let my hand cover my mouth, "I don't want to stop then," he began to blubber and I finally moved and wrapped him in my arms.

"Absolutely not." I whispered as we both started to cry, "Oh baby no you are not going anywhere."

"Then why are you so scared," he asked me and I looked at him and I tried to put a smile on my face, "Because I love you so much Collin and just the slight thought of cancer ever, ever, coming back scares me but they don't think it will ever, ever come back. Okay? You have nothing to worry about baby, you have nothing." I looked at him and he smiled at me, "Do you promise?" my heart lurched because I didn't want to promise this.

But I had too.

"I promise." I whispered and I kissed the top of his head, "I promise," I said holding him tightly. I kissed his cheek and then I pulled away, "I'm going to be okay mom, I am going to be okay," Collin repeated while wiping his eyes, he sniffled and I looked at him with a smile. "I am going to go see something really fast, okay? Do you want a snack?" he nodded and I pushed off as I walked across the room battling tears.

Moving faster I walked towards Troy's office where I heard talking come from the other side, I walked in anyway and it was Troy getting upset with Brynn. I looked up at him and he looked at me, "Gabi," he dropped his subject with Brynn and took two steps towards me when I broke down into hysterics. His strong arms wrapped around me and he didn't say anything until my sobs quieted, "He asked if he was going to die if he stopped treatment and he was crying,"

"Oh Brie, I am sorry babe, I should've been out there." He hugged me, "I promised that nothing would happen and,"

"You did what?" Brynn said, "Brynn, get the hell out of here. Okay? You do not need to help." Brynn huffed and she left, Troy pushed me to sit on the edge of his desk and he held my hand, "Brie," he said quietly, "Listen to me," I looked at him and his eyes were sad, "We are not going to lose him, okay? I will be scared with you. I will be scared too, okay?" he looked at me and I looked at him as he squeezed my shoulders. "We are both going to sit with Collin and reassure him that he is going to be okay but something could happen in the future, because we can't make a promise like that too him."

I nodded and he kissed my forehead, "I love you,"

"I love you too,"

* * *

My eyes peered over the railing to see Troy laying on the floor playing with Makas, Collin was resting on the couch because sometimes chemo took a bit out of him, and I could see Caroline happily awake laying on the floor just staring at the animals above her trying to figure out how to reach them. While Collin received his chemo we talked to him about what could happen and the likely hood of the things that could happen.

He seemed to completely understand and we both felt better after talking to each other. He was in an okay mood for the rest of the day but it improved when Troy came home early from work wanting to spend time with the family. I wiped my hands on the towel as I let Makas giggle enter my ear and then Collin complaining of not being able to hear the baseball game that was on TV. Caroline cooed and Troy quickly paid attention to her to make sure she was okay.

I smiled with tears in my eyes because my life couldn't get any better than this moment. My son was healthy and was on the road to giving up chemo forever. I had another little boy who was so happy and so healthy. He was always laughing and smiling at me making me smile right back at him. Then I had the final piece to the puzzle with my little girl. She was already so amazing with her little laugh and the way she had her daddy wrapped around her finger already.

I had three kids who were all _healthy_ and were doing so well in _life_. I could have never asked for anything more than having three healthy kids were so happy. My eyes then took a quick glance towards Troy with those blue eyes that could melt any women on the street. He had a beautiful smile and loves so hard. He came into my life at the most perfect time and yet at the worst time as well. He found me a sobbing mess sitting in a hospital room confused, but he made me feel so special from the first word.

He listened.

He was patient.

He found me answers.

And every single day since that moment he has done all of those things over again. He listened when I was stressed and just needed somebody to listen. He was patient when I was angry and needed to vent. He always found everything that I needed and was always, _always_ there for me. The moment that he stepped into my life, he had done anything and everything for me.

I told him a couple years ago that he rescued me from drowning in self-pity. He rescued my son for pushing me to keep him in that trial and to never let go of his love. He rescued me when I needed it most and he would never let go from here on out. We both leaned on each other and we both loved each other. We both needed each other.

We were made for each other and somehow I think God noticed that I needed him and made a dramatic way to introduce him to me. We survived that through our dating days, we could survive anything through our marriage. We were a wall with each other and nothing was going to break us down.

This was my moment of clarity. Watching my three kids play with my amazing husband, this was the only thing I needed. I needed no more and no less. I needed nothing.

"Brie, come join us," I looked at Troy and I gave a smile. "I'll be down in one second!" I walked over to the fridge and my eyes glanced at the picture of all of us at Collins' soccer game. Smiling. Happy. Healthy.

I then looked at another from our honeymoon that we took after Collin was better, my prince charming who rescued me. No matter how cliché that was, he absolutely rescued me and I could never, ever, repay him for that.

 **The End.**

* * *

Wow. What an incredible journey. I am absolutely in love with this story and I love the response this story got! I love you guy, I love the support and the happiness that I felt from your reviews! Thank you guys for everything and I am sorry to disappoint but there will be no sequel to this story. I feel like this should end here on a happy note. There would be no happy sequel so this is better to end here. From here on out I will be working on Ace mostly but will also work on a new story. It probably won't be published until May but I will work hard on Ace to bring you more chapters. Thank you for all patience. Love you all and thank you. Leave one last review over the whole story please!

Please Review!

Jo


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